Date: Mon, 11 Sep 2000 12:09:25 -0400 From: Kathrine Subject: How Can You Love Me, chapter twelve (gay/celebrities/boybands) Legal disclaimer: this is not meant to imply anything about the sexuality or real life of any member of NSync. If you're not old enough to be here, then don't read. At least do yourself the favor and don't get caught. This is all fiction, and will contain m/m relationships. Author's note: sorry that this took so long, will try to have the next chapter out soon. Enjoy! Chapter twelve: Chris hadn't seen Joey angry in a long time. Now he knew why he hadn't missed it. Joey had quite a temper, they all knew about it. If he really got mad, you sure wouldn't be what caused it. -Damn, Chris thought, -I knew something like this would happen. Joey wasn't supposed to know! -Joey, Lance said again, -how long have you been standing there? -Long enough! Joey answered. -I should have known you two would pull a stunt like this! Lance looked a little ashamed. -It seemed like a good idea at the time, he mumbled. -It was a good idea, Chris answered in a low voice, -getting caught wasn't. He looked at Joey again, arms crossed over his chest, clearly looking angry. -It was my idea, Lance said, he wasn't sure if Chris could handle Joey yelling at him right now. -I just wanted to get back at Jim, after what he did to you... Chris got to his feet. He was looking pale, yet more determined than Lance had ever seen him. -Lance came up with the idea, he said, -but I was the one who did it. I took over, you should be angry with me, not him. Now he looked Joey right in the eyes. -And I am not sorry for what I did. I would do it all over again, and more.. -You just don't quit, do you? Joey asked, running a hand through his hair. -I forgive you, Chris, for whatever you feel I should be so mad at you for. I thought you had understood that. Why do you keep insisting to run yourself into the ground like this? -Because I deserve it? Chris answered flatly. -Because that's the only thing I know how to do at the moment? -It won't make me hate you, Joey said mildly, the anger all gone from him. The words surprised Chris, he lost his determined expression. The real feelings shone through in his eyes, Lance had never seen anybody look so down as Chris did right then. -Well, you should, he answered stubbornly. -No, I shouldn't, Joey told him. -I'm worried about you, Chris. Tears were filling Chris' eyes, but he fought them back. He wished Joey would be angry with him, he wished he would hate him. That he could take. But Joey looking at him with concerned eyes and telling him that he was worried about him, made Chris feel like curling up on the sofa, crying his eyes out. -You're my best friend, Joey continued. -And I hate to see you like this. You're dragging yourself through hell, because of me. I won't let you do that. -I'm doing fine! Chris told him, his eyes brimming with tears, his voice trembling. -No, you're not, Joey answered, -you haven't been fine in a long time, Chris. And frankly, I'm sick and tired of it. I can't stand around watching you do this to yourself. -Why can't you just hate me? Chris nearly pleaded with him. -Why do you have to be so nice to me, after what I did to you? -Because I care about you, Chris, Joey said. -And even if you think so, everything isn't your fault. I know you were worried about me and Jim, but I always said everything was fine, remember? You would ask me every now and again, and I would do anything to make you believe everything was just great. You can't help somebody that doesn't want to be helped. So when I told you that you had been right back then, of course you didn't believe me. Even my parents thought Jim was a nice guy, and I lived with them. They were around me all the time, they didn't suspect anything. I'm not giving out any blame here, I'm just saying that it wasn't the right time. I had to help myself first of all. Tears were streaming down Chris' cheeks, -I'm so sorry, Joe, he got out. -I'm so sorry... He didn't know what else to say. Joey went over to him and hugged him tightly. -I know, he said, holding the other man close. -I know you never meant to hurt me, but I was such a mess that day I ran out on you. Can we put all this behind us now? I miss you, Chris. Chris couldn't answer him, he was clinging desperately to Joey as the last days' anger, pain, guilt and loneliness came flooding out in the form of tears. Joey was just holding him close to him, letting him cry. This wouldn't make everything back the way it once had been, but it was a good step in the right direction. They would work it through from here. Chris and JC would talk and be friends again too, even if he had to lock them in a room together and threathen to throw away the key. After finally giving in, Chris couldn't stop crying. But strangely it didn't make him feel worse. Joey's strong arms around him and his hand gently rubbing his back, relaxed Chris more than he thought possible. Joey wasn't mad at him, he didn't hate him, and right now knowing that made Chris' whole world. Lance saw his chance to sneak away. Unfortunelately Joey caught him. -Freeze, he said, not turning to look at Lance who was heading for the door. -I'm not done with you yet. He smiled over Lance's dramatic sigh. He wasn't mad at them at all anymore, he didn't even care what they had done to Jim. Joey would never admit it, but a part of him felt like cheering them on. Now Chris had calmed down some, but was still holding on to Joey for dear life. -Come here, Joey said, and Lance moved closer to them. Joey reached out his arm and pulled Lance close to both Chris and him. Lance put one arm around Joey and the other around Chris. They stood like that for a while, all anger and tension gone. -Ahm, an uncertain voice said from behind them. -Are you guys OK? Lance looked up and found Justin standing at the door. This time the unsecure look in his blue eyes didn't go unnoticed by Lance. -We're fine, he answered, sending Justin a smile. -Now, come over here, will you? Smiling back Justin hurried over, right into Lance's waiting arms. -I'm sorry for earlier, Lance whispered into Justin's ear as the four of them stood hugging each other. -It's OK, Justin mumbled, loving the weight and warmth of Lance's arm around his back. -Where are you people at? they all could hear JC's voice. He entered the room and than stopped, taking in the sight in front of him. -Why are you all hugging my boyfriend? he asked, making the other four explode into a collected giggling fit. -We're bonding, Joey explained, mirth showing in his eyes. -Come join us, Tigger. JC didn't have to be told twice, and found himself a spot right in between Joey and Justin. Chris who was standing in the middle of them all, began to feel slightly suffocated, but he wasn't going to complain. He closed his eyes and leaned into Joey, maybe things would be allright, after all? -What happened? JC whispered to Joey. -I think I finally got through to Chris, Joey whispered back. JC put his head on Joey's shoulder. He had to tell Joey about the fight he had had with Chris. But first of all he had to apologize to Chris. They both had said things they didn't mean, but JC had attacked Chris, deliberately using the one thing he knew would hurt Chris the most. JC searched for and found Chris' hand, causing the darkhaired man to look at him. Seeing his friend's tear-streaked face darkened JC's conscience even more. -I'm sorry, JC said quietly. -Please forgive me? Chris' surprised look almost made him smile. Then Chris did just that. It was small and weak, but it was a smile. -I forgive you, he whispered back. -Thanks, JC answered, smiling himself. Then silence settled over the group again, the five of them at last collected as friends again. The concert was still eight hours away. They were supposed to be at the arena two hours before showtime to do the soundcheck and all, but they had six hours to kill before that. Justin and Lance decided to go do some shopping, Justin was thrilled at the prospect of spending the day alone with Lance. JC wanted to call his parents, it was a while since he last had had the chance to talk to them. Joey was telling Chris that he needed to get some rest. -I'll stay with you, he said. -But you have got to sleep some before the show. Chris agreed. If he didn't he would most likely pass out on stage, and that wouldn't be good. Not at all. -I'm taking Chris back to his room, Joey told JC. -I'll see you at the soundcheck, `kay? -OK, JC smiled, Chris was practically sleeping against Joey's chest already. He remained in the livingroom, watching Joey half carry Chris back to his room. After the stress and tension was gone Chris felt how extremely tired he really was. All he wanted now was to go to sleep. Joey got him into the bed, covering him in a blanket. -You sleep, he said, -I'll stay here while you rest. -Thanks, Chris said in a small voice. He could see Joey smile warmly at him before he was away in some much needed sleep. Joey sat down in a chair by the window. Chris was already sleeping deeply. Thoughtfully Joey studied his calm face and listened to his deep, even breathing. He hoped that this had sorted out all the issues between Chris and him, between all of them. Leaning back in the chair, he sighed. When it was concert time they all were well rested and felt fine. The actual concert went without a hitch, making it obvious that they were having a great time together. They always felt psyched after a show, and even more so tonight. -I want to go out tonight! Joey stated when they were back in the wardrobe. -We're not leaving before tomorrow, I feel like doing some serious partying tonight! -I'll come with you, JC answered, he was laying in Joey's lap. -I knew you'd say that! Justin teased him. -You guys can't spend ten minutes without each other. -No, JC agreed, -we can't. -I'll come with you too, Justin sounded as he was making a big sacrifice in joining them, but they all knew he was joking. -I'll come along too, Chris said. -Cool! Joey said, smiling widely. -Lance? You coming too? -Of course, Lance said, looking serious. -If Justin's going, I'm going. Justin was blushing every shade of red possible and the four others' laughing at him wasn't helping either. Joey smiled and leaned back in the sofa. God, how much he had missed them all having fun together like this. For now there were no problems, no sorrow that needed to be dealt with, and no one was angry anymore. It really did feel like the good, old days again. JC had curled up against him, his arms around Joey's waist. -I think we need to get some caffeine in to this one, Joey commented, looking down at JC. -Yeah, Chris said, giving JC an innocent smile. -Like a bucket or two. -Hey! JC protested, but couldn't help smiling back at Chris. If Chris teased him like that, JC knew he was forgiven. He had finally let go of the grudge too, he knew that there were no way that Chris would hurt Joey intentionally. Back at the hotel, in their separate rooms, chaos erupted. Chris couldn't find the shirt he had set his heart on wearing, Justin could not get his hair right, Lance discovered that his favourite pair of jeans was nowhere to be found, JC couldn't decide between three pair of shoes and Joey just couldn't find anything. After talking Chris into wearing another shirt, helping JC choose in the shoe-dilemma and sending him off to help Joey, Lance now stood in bathroom watching Justin fuss over his curls. Justin was looking very sourly at his own reflection in the mirror. -My hair is a mess! he complained. -It's fine, Lance told him. -I can't get it the way I want it to be! Justin continued. -It's fine, Justin, Lance said again. -I hate my hair! Justin sighed, making a face at himself in the mirror. -Justin, Lance said. No response. -Justin, Lance said, turning the younger man towards him. -Your hair looks great, it always does. He gave Justin a quick kiss on the forehead. -Now will you go get ready? Lance liked his hair. Justin couldn't stop the smile forming on his face. Before Lance could see that he was blushing yet again, Justin hurried into the bedroom. -I'll be finished in a minute, he promised. After a long, lingering look at Lance's legs, he added. -And you might want to find yourself a pair of pants. I don't think they'll let you in wearing only your boxers... He ducked the towel Lance threw after him, not bothering to withold his laughter. If he was to decide, Lance wouldn't need any pants. He wouldn't need much clothes at all. Lance joined him in the bedroom. -I can't find my pants, he pouted. -Aaaww, Justin smiled at him. -Baby can't find his pants, want me to help you look? -Would you? Lance was giving him a very cute puppy dog-look, and Justin pratically melted. This was turning into a very silly conversation and Justin was loving every minute of him, it gave him an excuse to flirt wildly with Lance. And Lance flirted just as intensly back. After searching through the room, Justin threw himself on the bed. -I give up! he stated. -It's not here. You'll just have to go without it, Lance... -OK, Lance said. -But only if you take off your's too, curly. Justin was blushing yet again, making Lance fall onto the bed beside him, laughing. Determined to get his revenge for Lance teasing him, Justin rolled over and started tickling Lance. Lance was laughing and squirming to get away, but Justin was pinning him down. -Stop! he squeaked, trying to push Justin off of him. -Never! Justin answered, smiling triumphant down at him. He looked into Lance's eyes and nearly forgot to breathe. -You're not being nice to me, Lance said, still pouting. -Damn, he is so cute! Justin thought. Seeing Justin's facial expression change, Lance looked curiously at him. Nervously Justin chewed on his lower lip. They were too close, but he couldn't get his body to move. Underneath him he could feel Lance's warm body pressed against his own, that sent a tingling shudder down his spine. Images of them together popped up in his thoughts. -You're blushing again, Lance said, a little breathless. Justin knew that, he could also feel his heart hammering away in his chest, in a pace that had to be far from healthy. Slowly he lowered his head, closer to Lance. Lance's green eyes never left his. Justin looked down at Lance's slightly parted lips and knew he was going to kiss him. Then a voice reached them from the door, making them jump apart. -You guys still aren't ready? JC asked. -By the way, Lance, I believe these are yours...they got mixed up with Joey's and my stuff. -Fucking great timing, JC! Justin wanted to yell at JC, but kept it in. He stole a little glance at Lance who was handed his jeans from JC. Hopefully he would get another chance. -We'll be out in a minute, Lance said, not looking at Justin. Quickly he got his jeans on. If he wasn't very mistaken, Justin had been just about to kiss him before JC showed up. Lance sighed quietly. He really wished JC would have waited a little before coming into their room. But maybe he would pick up the courage to tell Justin how he was feeling about him, now that he knew Justin felt something for him too. This would certainly be an interesting evening. JC was smiling to himself on his way back to Joey's and his room. -I knew it! he thought,- there is definetely something going on between Lance and Justin. Indeed this was going to be an interesting evening.