Date: Tue, 15 Aug 2000 09:00:01 -0400
From: Kathrine <storykath@operamail.com>
Subject: How Can You Love Me, chapter four   (gay/celebrities/boybands)

Legal disclaimer: this is fiction. Not implying anything about NSync in
real life. If reading this is illegal for you wherever you are, don't
continue.

Author's note: another chapter...enjoy. Feedback to storykath@operamail.com


Chapter four:
-I love you, JC had said.

Now Joey were lost in JC's eyes. He was so tired of feeling angry, scared
and alone all the time, and JC were so close to him. Saying that he loved
him.  In Joey's confused mind past and present were beginning to merge,
making him unsure of what belonged where, what was real and what wasn't. He
parted his lips to speak, but couldn't get a single word out.

Joey had that `deer caught in the headlights of a really big truck'-look
again, JC noticed. His desires got the better of him and he gently let his
lips meet Joey's.  His senses exploded at the mere touch. Joey's body was
already close to his, in JC's arms. Smooth, wet velvet, that was what it
felt like. How could something be as good as this? The kiss was sensual,
yet slow and sweet. JC felt Joey hold him, although he wasn't sure who was
holding who anymore.

Nobody had ever done this to him, nobody had made him feel like the world
was a spinning red haze of lust and desire just by a simple kiss. He needed
to make Joey his, if they would be apart for just a single more minute, JC
would die. His tongue slowly traced Joey's bottom lip, overwhelmed by the
erotic feeling. Somewhere along the way they had shifted so now JC was
lying almost on top of Joey. The T-shirt Joey had on were damp and clung to
his skin, JC could feel the wet fabric as he let his hand slide down the
side of Joey's chest, feeling every breath, every move.

His own body ached for release, Joey had him turned on real fast, real
strong.  Joey's hands on his back, moving downwards, now they were at the
top of his pants.  Needing to taste more of him, JC slipped his tongue
inbetween Joey's parted lips, exploring him. JC's senses were in overload,
he invited Joey's tongue to come play with his and Joey accepted. The hand
that had rested on Joey's side continued the trail down. It stopped briefly
to play with the waistband of Joey's sweatpants, hesitating only a moment
before slipping inside. Warm, wet skin against his fingertips, his fingers
moving in to areas only before explored in erotic dreams.

Lost in passion JC claimed Joey's lips again, was he actually dreaming
this?  In any case, he didn't want to wake up. -If this is a dream, I want
to sleep forever, he thought. -I want him so much...!

He felt himself getting even harder as he could hear Joey moan softly as
JC's fingers brushed over his hips, teasing him. There were too many
clothes, JC decided.  They didn't need all these clothes. Working his hand
around to Joey's back, he started to push his trousers down. And stopped in
mid-action.

Joey felt him stop and knew what JC had discovered. Scared he tried to get
away, but JC held on to him. -Don't, he said with a voice still deep with
desire. -Let me see, Joey. Carefully he guided Joey on to his stomach,
trying not to give into the begging look in Joey's eyes. Joey didn't want
him to see this, he didn't want JC to be dragged into the hell he thought
he had escaped from half a year ago.

Slightly trembling he lay on his stomach, feeling JC slowly push his
T-shirt up his back.  The he proceeded to lower the waistband of Joey's
grey sweatpants. In any other circumstance these would be erotic movements,
but now JC were shocked to see what Joey had managed to hold from them for
so long.

On Joey's lower back there was a large, ugly scar, still red and clear. It
started almost at his spine and trailed it's nasty way over the soft skin
of Joey's back down onto his right hip, curling a little upwards at the
end, as if it planned to continue on another occasion. Like an evil smile.

-Oh my God, JC mumbled, not thinking. -Did Jim do this to you, Joey? Joey
couldn't answer, he hid his face in the pillows. He couldn't let JC see
that he was crying. That was something that always got Jim mad, only weak
people cried. And weak people needed to be punished.

But he couldn't stop his tears either, they had been held back for so long
now.  Gentle, strong arms pulled him close, holding him like a scared
child, which at the moment was pretty much what he was. Joey was surprised
to hear his own voice start to speak, rusty with tears. -He had a knife
some nights...the words came tumbling out, as Joey started to cry
harder. -He told me if I didn't do what he wanted, he would cut me...he
said he knew I liked it that way, and he... He... -It's okay, JC said,
wrapping his arms tighter around Joey, -you're safe with me now, baby.

-I hated it! Joey cried. He couldn't stop himself, this had been waiting so
long for release. -The knife scared me, `cos I knew it would make him
worse...he placed his hand around my throat and I couldn't breathe... I
didn't know what to do so I pushed him away, than he got really pissed and
showed me down on the bed.

Joey was now crying so bad that JC could barely make the words out. -Then
he cut me... The sentence JC had been waiting for was finally out. He
wonder what other scars were on Joey's body, scars that had an equally
horrid tale. Still they were nothing compared to the scars on Joey's mind
and soul.  -Oh baby, was all JC could say, pulling Joey to him in a
desperate hug. -I love you, Joey, I'll protect you. No one will ever hurt
you again, I promise you!

JC's own tears were falling again as he held onto Joey as the last barrier
broke and his love cried his heart out in JC's arms. He had seen Joey cry
before, but not like this.  Not like these painful sobs, on the verge of
desperation, like a man with absolutely no hope left. No will, no
hope. Like the look that had been in Joey's eyes when JC had found him on
the harbour.

JC could protect Joey from everything in the outside world, but what about
the demons in Joey's head? Could he save his beloved from being destroyed
or would he be forced to watch the man he loved slowly go under in his own
dark hauntings?  -I won't let that happen to you, Joey, JC promised. -he
won't destroy you, you're mine! I will not let you go!

After what seemed like a small eternity Joey had cried himself to sleep in
JC's arms.  Carefully JC laid down and moved Joey with him. Silently he
laid there, listening to their hearts beat as one.

-I don't think they will be joining us for breakfast, Lance said as he came
back into Justin's room. His usually bright green eyes seemed to have lost
their spark for the moment. -Are you allright, Scoop? Justin asked. -Yeah,
Lance answered, wandering over to the bed and plopped down next to Justin
-It's just this whole situation, y'know?

-How is Joe doing? Chris asked from the chair he was sitting in. His
conscience was still as black as it could be. This whole mess wouldn't have
been if it wasn't for him.  But Jim had seemed like such a nice guy, and
completely taken with Joey. He had practically begged Chris to introduce
him to Joey. And in the beginning Joey had been happy too. Chris
sighed. Without knowing it he had succumbed his best friend to a monster,
for so to push him away when he needed him the most.

-Joey had told JC about Jim, Lance answered, -but not that Jim was raping
him.  JC nearly lost it, I have never seen him that angry. If Jim had been
in the same room as JC right then, JC would have killed him. He could hear
a little gasp coming from Justin. Chris was merely looking at Lance, pain
and guilt all over his serious face.

-There is something else too, Lance said quietly. He was deliberately not
looking at Chris. -What? Justin asked in a thin voice as if he was afraid
of the answer.  Then Lance told them about Joey getting sick after
yesterday's hours in the middle of a freezing cold storm waiting to
happen. -JC called the doctor as Joey's temperature got really high, Lance
said, still in a quiet voice. -The doc said he would be fine again, but he
looked bad. Lifeless, not like our Joey at all.

Chris rarely cried, but today he seemed to make up for lost time. Warm
drops of salty water formed in his eyes and trailed down his cheeks. He
didn't say anything, because he had nothing to say. They all knew that Joey
wouldn't have run off like that, if not for the way Chris was treating
him. Suddenly he felt a presence next to him.  Chris looked up to see
Justin's concerned eyes. -Don't blame yourself like this, he said, -none of
us knew it was this bad. We need to think of the future now, how we are
going to fix this mess. Chris' voice wouldn't work, the tears were still
coming.

Seeing his friend's despair made Justin put his arms around him and he let
Chris cry for a while. Lance tried real hard to not blame Chris, but he
didn't fully succeed. He didn't blame Chris for getting Joey together with
Jim, he didn't know what kinda freak Jim would turn out to be. But it was
the way Chris had treated Joey when he knew the truth, it really was his
fault that Joey was in the condition he was in now.  If Chris had supported
him like a true friend, like the friend he were supposed to be, maybe Joey
would be OK now. Well, not OK, but better.

Thinking of the person that had the most blame in turning one of his best
friend into a wreck, had Lance fuming with anger. Normally Lance was the
sweetest, most gentle person in the world. Until someone threatened the
people he loved, then he got dangerous. A plan was forming in Lance's mind,
it was time to pay back some of the pain. He was already reaching for his
beloved laptop computer to help him.

JC still hadn't moved, his hand was on Joey's chest. He could feel the
steady heartbeat, somehow the rythmic sound calmed him. Close to him Joey
was sleeping, exhausted.  Thoughtful JC moved his hand to wipe away the
tears that still were on Joey's cheeks.  He was warm under JC's touch,
still too warm.

The medicine had been delievered and JC had gotten Joey to take it. He had
almost immeadetely gone back to sleep. There was nothing JC could do but
wait.  The room grew darker, JC was surprised to see that sun was settling
in the horizont.  A light knock on the door had him turning towards the
door. It reminded JC that he hadn't gotten the shower he had been meaning
to take, nor had he gotten to change his clothes. Well, if anyone were
insulted by his somewhat ruffled appearance, it would have to be their
problem. JC got up to answer the door.

He found Chris at the other side. For a moment neither man moved. Than
Chris held up a trey with various items of food on it. -Truce? he
offered. The look of genuine regret and care on Chris' face made JC let him
in. -Truce, he answered. -But you and I are gonna have a long talk,
Kirkpatrick. -We sure are, Chris answered, relief obvious in his voice. He
sat the heavy loaded trey down on a coffe table. -How is our Joey doing?

JC studied him. -You're starting to sound like Lance, you know. Chris eyes
widened in fake shock. -Oh my God, he stated, -I'm turning into Lance, what
a destiny!  They both smiled, despite the teasing all five boys loved each
like brothers.  Well, except maybe for JC and Joey who loved each other a
little more than just brothers.  -Joey is sleeping, JC said more seriously,
-as he has been doing for most of the day. I have made him take his
medicine and drink some water, but that's about it.

He paused, not sure on how much to tell Chris. Deciding to not keep any of
them in the dark, he continued. -He told me about his so-called
relationship with Jim, and then I think he cried for a good hour in my
arms. Chris nodded. -I think that was actually good for him. Knowing Joey,
all those feelings he has been carrying around hasn't gotten much release
before now. -You might be right, JC said, looking a little lost, -But it
tears my heart apart to know what that devil did to him. Have you seen the
scar on his back? That piece of scum actually used a knife on him. -Christ,
Chris said slowly, feeling the need to sit down. He dropped down in the
sofa. -Joey wasn't exactly graphic about what Jim did to him, but I know it
was bad, very bad.  Poor guy, he really has been to hell and back. -I don't
think he ever got out of hell, JC corrected him, -he may have gotten away
from Jim, but he can't escape what's in his head.

He looked at Chris, -you are going to have to explain to me how you could
do what you did to Joey. How could you think he was lying, didn't you see
the shape he was in? -I hate myself for that, Chris mumbled, he told JC
what he had told Justin and Lance, and knew he would have a worse time
convincing JC.

JC sat back as Chris finished. It was clear that Chris felt really rotten
about what had happened between Joey and him and JC decided to let it
go. They talked a little to and fro, then JC got to his legs. -Would you
mind staying with Joey while I take a shower?  he asked. -Of course not,
Chris answered. -Just be sure to eat something when you're done, OK? -Yes,
daddy, JC smirked before going into the bathroom.

He quickly stripped and got into the shower. The warm water felt
heavenly. As he had rinsed the shampoo out of his hair and proceeded to
wash his body, JC's thoughts were returning to Joey and their moment of
passion on the bed. He knew it had been wrong of him to take advantage of
Joey like that, but Joey had responded to him. JC blushed a little as he
pondered over if he would have been able to stop if he hadn't felt the scar
on Joey's back. To his own shame, he didn't think he would have been.

Slowly he let his hands roam over his body as he remembered how good Joey's
hands on him had felt. His body reacted to the memories and some
re-occurring fantasies that always showed up in the worst places. JC's skin
was smooth from water and the soap, he leaned against the wall of the
shower and let his hand go where it wanted.

A small moan escaped his lips as he leaned his head against the wall and
closed his eyes. Just thinking of Joey and the lustful images in his head
had been a powerful foreplay, JC knew he wouldn't hold long. His hand
picked up a quicker pace and soon the tingling sensations rushed through
his tense body. He bit down on his lip to keep from moaning, his breath
ragged and uneven. As the climax overtook him, JC fought to remain standing
on his feet. His whole body felt so good, pleasure filling every little bit
of him. Well, except from his bottom lip...JC had nearly made himself bleed
after biting down on it to keep from calling Joey's name as he came. Being
the vocal one wasn't always that good.

Now he felt relaxed and pleasantly tired, JC finshed washing up and got out
of the shower. Wrapped up in a big towel he looked at himself in the steamy
mirror, he smiled lazily at the reflection of his own eyes and his flushed
cheeks. Maybe putting some cold water on his face would be a good idea. He
could blame a lot on the hot water, but he had just experienced being hot
in a whole other way.  Realizing that he had been in the shower for quite
some time, JC quickly got dressed and finished his business in the
bathroom. Besides, he was starting to get hungry.