The following tale is a written record of thoughts running rampant in my imagination that I wish to share with the world - in other words, none of the following is true (and if it is, I don't know about it). Any personalities or entities that parallel any real individual(s) ought not be taken as factual information, but should be recognized purely as a creation of the author.
         If anyone is reading this, and alternative material is personally objective to you, or illegal in your area, immediately stop reading and leave.  If this doesn't apply to you, feel welcome to respond with praise and/or criticism (
        Author's note follows.

I Got What You Need
Part XII

Thomas Dublin

         I walk into JC's place and am greeted by the smell of lasagna.  I drop my bag on the bench in the foyer and walk into the kitchen.  I see JC pulling something from the oven and a glass casserole dish sitting in the stove.

         "What you doin', good lookin'?" I say.

         JC spins around. "Oh, I'm making a little dinner."


         "Yep. I realized that I haven't cooked for you yet, and I wanted to let you see my skills extend beyond the stage."

         "You mean the stage and the bedroom, right?"  He starts blushing. "But Josh, baby -- you never told me that you can cook." Because if I had known this, I wouldn't have been spending hours in his kitchen baking cookies and cakes; frying chicken and pork chops, grilling steaks and ribs.

         "I guess it slipped my mind.  But, go wash up, T. -- I cooked lasagna, garlic bread, Caesar salad, and a New York cheesecake."

         Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!  I can't wait to get down on my man's cooking. I practically hop upstairs to Josh's room to get ready for dinner.
         "My man." It feels so good to be able to say that at last.  Ever since I came out to myself seven years ago, I've only had random lays and "fuck buddies" -- guys that I dealt with primarily for sex, but also had something of a friendship. They all were nice guys, but there was no future. John Yamaguchi, Sean Osiri, Teron Maxwell, and Joe Nelson have all made an impression on me, but it wasn't serious.
         But, this is different.  I wouldn't necessarily call it love yet, but there is something that this relationship has that I never had with my "fuck buddies" -- potential.
         I wash my face and hands and fly back down to the kitchen.  Josh has the table set for two with the lasagna, crystal salad bowl, garlic bread, and merlot in the middle.  He set the table so that we'd sit next to each other -- how romantic!

*     *     *

         "Baby, when did you learn to cook?" I ask.

         "Oh, Lance has been teaching me how to cook."


         "Yeah. Lance is quite the chef.  He's been working with Chris and myself -- Joey already knows how to cook, and Justin is totally hopeless."


         "He said that a man ought to know how to cook - something that his mother told him. So, when he found out I couldn't cook anything besides spaghetti, he took it upon himself to teach me."

         "Well, if this lasagna is any indicator, Lance is doing a good job."  Really, the lasagna is the bomb.

         Josh starts to blush. "Thanks, T."

         We finish the lasagna and the cheesecake (excellent), and sip on the Merlot at the table -- all in silence.  A comfortable silence.  Just two men enjoying a good meal and the presence of each other.  But, after a while, Josh breaks that comfortable silence.

         "Thomas, when was your first time with a guy."

         What?  "Why do you want to know?"

         "I'm curious.  And, if you tell yours, I'll tell mine."

         Why not?  I'm curious now.

         "Okay, but I don't want you telling everyone my business."


         "It was the end of my first semester at college.  There were only about four students of color in my dorm -- two black guys, a Puerto Rican, and a Japanese guy; I really didn't know the other brotha or the Puerto Rican, but the Japanese guy, Mitsuo Yamaguchi, and I became fast friends.  After my roommate moved out, Mitsuo moved in with me."

         "Wait -- your first time was with some Japanese guy?"

         "Can I finish PLEASE?"

         "Okay," Josh said sullenly.

         "Yes, Josh.  My first time was with a Japanese guy.  My first several times, in fact. I walked in on Mitsuo watching gay porn.  He almost peed himself when I walked in on him. But, I came out to him right there, and he told me about a secret crush he had on me, and how he wanted to taste me.  So, I let him get his taste on right there."


         "Yep.  Mitsuo forgot about that porno and got into a little real-time action."

         "So, what happened to Mitsuo?"

         "Well, we did our thing pretty regularly for most of that first semester. But, we pledged different fraternities on campus.  I pledged one of the popular black fraternities on our campus, and Mitsuo pledged one of the predominantly white fraternities.  We didn't have time to fuck around during pledging, and once we were both initiated, we were so involved with being new Greeks and trying to keep up grades that we really didn't see each other, much less have sex."


         "Plus, I started fooling around with Sean after I pledged, and I really didn't see much of Mitsuo after freshman year.  I mean, we spoke and held a conversation whenever we saw each other, but we never mentioned our escapades."

         "Who's Sean?"

         OOPS, did I mention Sean???

         I never told JC about Sean. I haven't told anyone about Sean. Outside of the frat, NO ONE knows about Sean and I -- well, except Dontae, and Dontae only knows because he used to fool around with Sean himself.

         "Who's Sean, Thomas? I want to hear about him."

         "Well... Sean was one of my frat brothers.  Actually, he was my big brother.  We ended up becoming really good friends.  Well, on the night that my pledge class was initiated, we celebrated by having a keg and strippers at the house.  Well, I was on my way back to my dorm -- I really wasn't interested in seeing any naked women.  Sean caught me on the way out...

*     *     *

         "Hey JPEG, where ya going?"

         "Hey Brother Hybrid, I'm going home."


         I nodded.

         "You can't go home, man.  It's your first night as an official member of the frat."

         "I know, but the party... well, it's not really what I'm into."

         "What do you mean?  There's beer, music, butt naked women, pizza... it's almost heaven."

         "I know, but I'm just not feeling it.  Plus, I got choir practice tomorrow morning."

         "I'm not letting you go away that easily, JPEG."

         I could've easily pushed Sean out of my way, but it wouldn't have been cool to disrespect an elder frat brother like that.

         "Hmmm, I think I know how I can get you to have a little fun," Sean said, as he pulled me into a side hallway closet.

*     *     *

         "He gave you a blowjob in a closet in the frat house?"

         "Yeah.  It was incredible."

         "Weren't you scared of getting caught?"

         "Not really. The other brothers were downstairs in the basement drooling over three sets of titties. Plus, about a good quarter of them were gay or bisexual anyway."

         "Really?  So those fraternity rumors are true?"

         "To a degree.  There are more gays in fraternities than people think, but it's not a big orgy or anything like that. In fact, I think Sean and I were the only two brothers that fooled around. The other brothers dealt with guys in the other frats and/or athletes."

         "Oh.  So, what happened to Sean?"


         "What's that supposed to mean?"

         Did I say that aloud?  Shitshitshit.


         "Thomas, I'm curious.  What ever happened to Sean?"

         "If I tell you, you have to promise never to tell ANYONE"

         "I promise."

         "Okay.  Sean graduated about two years before me.  He and I still talk pretty regularly.  In fact, he's my agent."



         "You had a thing with your agent?  I can't believe that shit!"

         "Are you mad, Joshy?"

         "I don't know what I am.  All I know is that I can't believe you're telling me that you used to fuck around with your agent. And, didn't you tell me that your agent was engaged?"

         "Well, we're not fucking around anymore; and yes, Sean is engaged to his college sweetheart."

JC Chasez

         I really don't know how to take what I've just heard -- Thomas used to have an affair with his agent.
         I guess the thing that bothers me is that this man is still around Thomas.  All my sexual encounters were pretty much random. The only times I'll ever see one of my lays is if I turn on the TV or am at some Hollywood affair (Yes, I've slept with quite a few celebrities -- they're less likely to squeal).
         But, this man is a part of Thomas' life.  Though Thomas said that he isn't fucking Sean anymore, how can I be sure?  From the description that Lance gave of Sean, he sounds like a real pretty boy.  I'm handsome, but this guy is supposed to be Rick Fox's double, only his eyes are like Lance's -- that frighteningly shade of emerald.

         Thomas is sitting there, sipping on his Merlot.

         "So, you're really done with Sean?"

         "Yes, Josh.  Once upon a time, I thought we could have something.  But, he had, and still has, a woman that he's so in love with.  I can't compete with what Sean and Jalisa share.  So, in the end, he was a good friend that I got head from on the regular."

         "Well, I guess I got to trust you..."

         "Damn, you sure sound uncertain."

         "I'll be honest -- I don't like the idea of you and Sean. But, if you say it's over, I have to take your word for it."

         "Now," I start, "I'll tell you about my first time..."

*     *     *

         We were on tour over in Europe -- Stockholm, to be specific.  We were on our way over in Europe, but were still unknowns back here in the states.  But, we were optimistic -- the Backstreet Boys had just released their first album in the States, and it was doing very, very well.  And, since Lou Perlman was, at the time, the guiding force behind both groups, we were anticipating the things to come.
         Well, we had just finished a show.  Everyone was on an adrenaline rush after that particular performance.  We sang and danced our white asses off for Stockholm, and the energy from the crowd was incredible.  After the show, the other guys wanted to go out, but I wanted to go back to the hotel and write songs.
         I get back to the hotel, shower, order a late dinner from room service, and pull out my guitar and notepad.  As I'm finishing up a song, the room service guy comes up. I check my order and I prepare to give him a nice tip when he recognizes me.

         "Aren't you part of NSYNC?"


         "Wow.  You make nice music.  I want to come to tonight's show, but I had work."

         "I'm sorry that you couldn't make it."

         "Me also.  Maybe next time we're in Stockholm, you'll make it to our show."


         As he turns to leave, I get a good idea.

         "Hey, why don't I sing a song and give you an autograph as a tip?"

         "Fine," he said.

         So I sing part of "Got Must Have Spent A Little More Time On You", and this guy is so into it. He gets all excited and gives me a standing ovation when I finish.

         "So, I can assume that you like the song?"

         "Yes, it wonderful.  And you so hot."

         I thought I misunderstood the guy.  I look at his nametag -- Christoff.

         "Well, Christoff, I also think the song is hot."

         "And you also."

         "You think I'm hot?"

         "You are incredible.  I'd love to have fun with you."

         So I decide to go for it.  I pull down my boxers and Christoff almost immediately got down on his knees.  But, to put it nicely, I really didn't get much from his efforts. So I pushed him on the bed and pulled his dick out of his pants and started to blow him. I'm in the middle of sucking my first dick when Lance comes back to the room...

*    *    *

         "But don't you usually room with Justin?"

         "Yeah, but Justin got the single room that time, so Lance and I had to share.  Well, Lance had decided to come home from the club early and walked in on my sucking on Christoff.  I don't know who was more embarrassed -- Lance or myself.  Well, Christoff hopped up and ran from the room, and I ran into the bathroom.  When I came out, Lance was fast asleep."

         I continued, "He didn't bring up that night for nine months.  Then, once we released our first album here, he decides that he wants to talk about it.  In fact, it was after our first performance on TRL.  He pulls me aside and tells me that he would keep my sexuality secret, but that I ought to eventually tell the other guys."

         "Well, that was noble," Thomas said.

         "Yeah, it was.  Well, I told the others after the whole drama with Lou and Trans Continental.  By that time, we knew of several closet gays and lesbians in the industry, plus there were inside rumors about Backstreet, so the others took it pretty well."

         "And why wouldn't they -- you all are like brothers."

         I smile, and I feel my cheeks blush.  I just hope Thomas doesn't say anything to make my blushing worse.  Fortunately, he holds his tongue.

         "So Josh," Thomas starts, "how many guys have you slept with?"

         "Ummm... About fifty, I guess."

         "You slut!!!!"

         "Well, you gave it to me on the first day," I remind him.

         "No, I had known you for almost a week before we hooked up."

         I count back -- he's right.

         "Well, Thomas, how many have you slept with?"

         He suddenly gets quiet.  I stand over him and wait for an answer.

         "Well, T?"


         "And you have the nerve to talk about me!"

         "Ha ha ha."

         "You're not funny, Thomas.  But, if you meet me in my bedroom in two minutes, I'll forget about it."

         "Cool," he says, as he jumps from the table and starts to the stairwell.

        I follow him, and catch up with Thomas at the stairwell. We lock arms and lips as we enter into the bedroom.

To Be Continued...

      Author's Notes:  I apologize for not posting anything for the past month.  I was out of town for vacation and business.  I had sent a note to be posted, but nifty didn't post it for whatver reason.  But, I'm back, and I'm finishing I Got What You Need - in fact, I'm only halfway through.  And, I'll try to post something every other day (at least twice weekly) until the end.