Date: 22 Aug 2000 15:07:59 -0700 From: Lee McDougal Subject: "If You Were To Hold Me" Chapter 1 Hey I'm back again.with a brand spanking new story. I hope you guys haven't forgot about me! This story is based in the present time, and is very different from "The One" that can still be found in the scifi-section. But I hope you will enjoy it all the same! Let me know what you think at: lefteyefan-1@tlcfanmail.com and check out my website at http://home.gay.com/leo1980 If You Were to Hold Me As I walked through the corridors of the many walks of life, I realized that every doorway and every passageway all lead you the same way. It really didn't matter what you did.we all wound up at the same place. At some point we would all meet the maker. But it was up to us what we do in the times between birth and death. The meaning of life was this I believe.finding out who you are.and what you want to accomplish with the few precious years we have on this planet. My name is Anthony. I'm six foot, three inches in height. I have blue eyes that look almost gray in some light. My hair was brown and it always had an annoying amount of curl in the front. It tended to do what it wanted if I let it grow out too much. So generally I kept my hair cut short. I wasn't a super stud, but I was cute.or so I had been told. I always had a lot of thoughts like this running through my head. I guess I thought too much really. I was always worried about what I was supposed to do with my life. There were so many things I wanted to do. I wanted to be an astronaut when I was little, then I wanted to be a teacher.and at one point I decided to go into computers.or maybe accounting.oh my I have no idea what I want to be. I turned my radio up louder in hopes of drowning out my thoughts. The sounds of my CD player were the last thing I heard before I fell asleep. I had a strange set of dreams.I saw before me a giant crowd of people shouting my name.they all had huge smiles on their faces.and they were cheering for me! What was going on? Then the music started, and I started singing.I had never heard the song before, but I knew all the words.how odd. I turned to look behind me and I saw a band playing the music.I hadn't seen most of them in my whole life.but I knew them! There was Jim on drums, `D' on the bass, and odd enough my cousin Linda was at the keyboard. I continued to sing till the song was over. I never missed a beat! The crowd was going wild. I dashed off the stage to get ready for the next song. A very attractive guy that was about 5'10" with dark-brown hair came and hugged me tightly. "I can't believe this is just our first show, you're killing them out there! Keep up the good work!" He said looking at me with those brown eyes and sent me back on stage after I had changed shirts. I soon was back out starting my second song, and then I woke up. What was that all about? I asked myself. Who were those guys from my dream? And why can't I remember the cute guy's name? Sure I could remember the two `big' guys from the band.and Linda was my cousin. But I could remember hardly anything about the cute guy back stage.oh well it was just a dream after all. I got out of bed and yawned. I decided to go check my email before I got in the shower. There wasn't much of anything there. Just a few emails telling me this site, or that site had been updated. I would have to read the newest stories at Nifty some other time. I knew I had a busy schedule today. I had to find a job, and fast! My mom was working my last nerve. She was sweet and all, but I was ready to get out of the house. And the faster I got a job, the easier that would be. I walked out into the living room take a seat on the couch. I smelled breakfast being prepared in the kitchen. Mom had taken the time to actually cook this time. Normally it was microwave food for breakfast. I was happy by the sudden change in menu. My mother had a rough life. She was an underground coal miner. It was a job that some men were afraid to do.can you blame them? Who would want to go miles underground to dig coal.with your very life at risk every time you went down those old elevators. I had been told horror stories of how my mom had survived cave-ins. It was also so terrifying to me.and she told me of instances when the elevator had got stuck. Can you imagine that.stuck in that small space with only the rock hard bottom to catch if the elevator was to fall? She was a brave woman. She had recently been disabled. She no longer had to go under ground anymore. I was glad of it.Her years in the mines had left many scars on her. Some of them were visible.like the many scars on her knees and ankles...Where this bone or that bone had been taken out, moved around, or screws but in here or there to hold her leg together. Then there were the emotional scars. I was very glad that she was free of the place, and I wanted to someday repay her for the pain she had suffered. Someday I wanted to repay her for all her tears, and all her pain. I just didn't know how.But if I could find a way, I would do it! "Good morning Mom." I said walking into the kitchen giving her a hug. "Hey dear, sleep well?" She asked. "Sure, don't I always!" I said with a small laugh. "So you tossed and turned." She said. "Yep, you guessed it." It was true, I never slept well. I tended to toss and turn, and occasionally wake up all through the night. Sometimes I lucked out and slept through the night.but on those nights I would dream. Whenever I dreamed it seemed I was more tired the next day than usual. I was tired this morning! "Well, I decided to prepare something special for us today. Seems they are doing some kind of employment search down at the mall. Your sister Fay told me about it. Seems they are looking for all kinds of employees. You should check it out!" She told me. "Sure what do I have to loose!" I told her. We sat down and had breakfast. Mom had cooked hash browns, pancakes and sausage this morning. It was quite nice! I really enjoyed having a full meal in the morning. Though I had no idea what kind of jobs were on offer today at the show.but I knew it would be nice to get out of the house if nothing else. After breakfast I returned to my room to take a quick shower. I entered my bathroom and started the water. After the hot water was running good, I adjusted the water temperature to my liking. I took off shorts and tee shirt that I normally slept in and stepped into the shower. I made sure to wash all over and take time to enjoy the feelings of the water running over me. It always seemed that the water relaxed my frazzled nerves. I wasn't particularly nervous this morning, but whenever I went job hunting.I got nervous. After getting out of the shower and drying off, I walked back into my room to pick out something to wear. I picked a pair of khakis and a blue shirt. It looked nice enough. I just hoped I would find something today. I was ready to start my new life.whatever it may be. I got in my car and drove to the mall where the show would be. As it turns out I arrived before it started. They were still setting up the booths and such. I decided I would go do a bit of shopping around while they were still setting up. I walked into the department store at the front of the mall. I decided to look and see if there were any new CD's. I noticed a few that caught my eye, but nothing I just had to have. Something else did catch my eye. There was a very cute guy looking a rack over. He had dark brown hair, and he was kind of short.I walked over to him. Normally I was too shy to approach someone, but something about this guy drew me in. "Hey, my name is Anthony." I introduced myself. "Oh hi, my name is Blake. Here for the big career day?" He asked making fun of the whole setup. "Yes, I am looking for a job." I admitted. "Well, I'm looking for an employee or two. Maybe you should come by my booth later when it's setup." He said smiling at me and he handed me a card. He walked away before I could say anything else. I looked down at the card and it was a business card for a record studio. The name wasn't familiar though. Sandlot Studios was the name on the card. It was all very interesting. I had always thought it would be fun to work in that business. Wonder what job openings they have? I decided against making any music purchases this morning. I walked out of the store, and first thing I noticed was that the booths were finally all set up, and people were starting to flood in. Great.so much for getting an early start on the crowd. I decided to just pile in behind the masses.going from one booth to the next. I must have put in at least 15 applications that morning. Some of the booths were doing interviews too. I didn't seem to be getting anywhere fast though.the need for experience as usual was biting my ass. I just got out of college, and I've never had a job! Well, surely everyone has to start somewhere. I had made most of the rounds when I spotted a booth that I had been looking for. Blake's booth was my last stop.I was hoping I might get a job working with him. He was very cute, and from what I got from him earlier, very nice as well. I walked up to him yet again, but this time I was more nervous. "Hey, I'm glad you finally made it around. I thought you had left without coming by to see me!" He said grinning at me. "No, I was saving the best for last.or actually it was more like I had to go with the flow of the crowd!" I laughed. "I know it's a mad house in here. Looks like everyone is looking for a job these days!" He said. "Well, what kind of jobs are you offering?" I asked him. "Well, our company is just starting up. We have like 3 bands signed up. I myself am managing one of them. I'm looking for a personal assistant. Just someone that can answer the phone, take down messages.keep me on schedule!" He laughed. "I could handle that. Who's the competition?" I asked him. "Actually we got a bunch of teen girls try out for the position so far.but none of them would be able to actually do the job. They don't seem to realize my assistant would have to go on tour with the band, and basically leave life as they know it behind." He told me. "Where do I sign up?" I asked laughing. "Well, fill out this paper work, and I'll give you a small interview. But between you and me.you pretty much have the job. I know good people when I meet them, and you are a good guy." He said. I am sure I turned four shades of red. Was he flirting with me? I just shrugged it off. I took a seat in front of him and filled out the needed paper work. After it was all filled out, signed, and initialed, he started the interview. "So do you know how to run a computer?" He asked me. "Yes, I practically live on mine!" I laughed. "OK, and do you know anything about the Internet?" He asked me. "Yes, I know a lot about it, and building web sites too!" I said. "OK, and you know how to answer a phone and send email?" He asked "Yes, I can handle both.did you have any doubts?" I asked realizing he was just joking me around. "Well, I've been talking to bubbly teen girls all day.what can you expect!" He smiled at me, and my heart skipped a beat. I really have to get past this urge to take off his clothes and boink him in front of everyone in the mall! With the interview done, I said my goodbye. He assured me that I was most likely to get the job, but he had to run it all past his bosses. I was still a bit skeptical.after all who hadn't heard that line before? Oh well, it was the best chance I had out of the jobs I tried for today. So I mentally crossed my fingers. When I got home I told mother about the job interview with Blake. She seemed to be happy for me, but I could tell part of her was afraid I was going to move away forever. "Don't worry so mom, I'll be around for holidays.and I'll call a lot! I'll make sure to visit whenever I get a chance. Who knows maybe I can get you tickets to the shows we do here in Alabama.gee I'm suggesting giving you tickets when I don't even know what band I'm going to be working with! It could be some heavy metal group!" I laughed realizing how little I knew about this job I was trying for. "Well, let's hope it's not a heavy metal group dear, all I need is for you to go deaf when we will be depending on a phone to keep in touch." She said to me with a smile. "I hope so too.I don't really care for most of that kind of music anyway." I admitted. After talking to mom for a bit longer, I went to my room to do a little writing. I wanted to see if I could remember any of the song I had sang in my dream. All I could remember was the chorus, but it was really nice.and I was sure I could either A) remember the rest eventually, or B) write it from scratch. The chorus went like this: "I don't know what I would do if you were to hold me in your arms, would I melt into you? I don't know what I would say, if you were to love me, like I've been loving you! Been loving you.for all my life. Been loving you.in shadows of heartache and pain. Been loving you..please love me!" I worked on it a while longer and got a decent first verse.and decided to call it quits. I didn't notice at first but I realized this song actually had been haunting me for a while.as the first verse came to me I realized what the song was truly about. "I remember your smile, the way that you walked, and the way you touched my very soul. Did you ever stop to think, that you meant the world to me? Did you know how much you meant me? Did you ever want to be, standing next to me? Does your heart often cry out.in the long lonely night? Do you ever wish you were back in my life.do you know what you have done to me?" Suddenly my heart took over my keyboard, and my soul leaked out into my monitor, as the song practically wrote itself. Second verse: "I once knew what love was.I knew exactly what I wanted out of life. Then you came along and changed it all.! Do you know what you did.when you touched me? Do you know how I felt when you said my name? Do you know how much I wanted your love? Do you know how you effected me by just being around? Chorus again "If life is so cruel, as to send me a love that isn't true? Then what do I have to look forward to? I guess I'll be alone for a time.I guess the world won't mind.cause time heals all wounds.and I know that it's true! But there's one thing I need to know." Chorus repeated till end. I got up from my chair and went to get a drink. Mom saw me and stared at me with eyes of wonder. "Why have you been crying dear?" She asked me. "Well, I just finally wrote down the song about him." I said with a sigh. "Oh you mean that guy from high school. Wow, I thought you had forgot about him." She said. "Well, I did in a way.I don't really miss him, but the feelings I had for him are still around I guess.and it hurts to remember that time in my life." I told her. "Well, why did you want to write a song about it then?" She asked me. "I guess it was my way of finally getting it out of my system.who knows maybe it'll be on the radio some day.and the whole world can have a good cry!" I laughed at my self. The long day of job interviews and emotional overload had tuckered me out. I decided to head in early. It was only 10, but I was sleepy. I turned my bedroom light off and crawled under the covers. I would soon be in dreamland. The next morning was indeed slow and painful. I did not intend to sit by the phone hoping Blake would call.but that was pretty much what I did. Around lunchtime I gave up on waiting. I decided it would probably take a day or two.for him to call back and turn me down. Oh well, it was fun while it lasted. After lunch I helped mom load the dishwasher and then returned to my room to read a book. I had been reading a good while, when I heard the phone ring. I ignored it thinking mom would get it. When it rang for the third time I decided to go get it. "Where is Mom?" I asked myself walking over to pick up the receiver. I picked up the phone and for a second no one spoke. "Hello is anyone there?" I questioned. "Oh hi, I just about gave up on you! This is Blake from the record company.I hope you haven't found another job already?" He asked. "No I'm still unemployed.does this mean I got the job?" I asked. "Well, you still have one more interview to do. The company heads have approved you, but you still have to have the band's approval. Since you are going to be apart of their lives for the next little while." He told me. "So who is the band exactly?" I asked him. "Well, you'll get to meet them here in a while.their name is `The Diamond Dolls'. It's 2 girls, and they're great performers, and people. I think you'll all get along nicely." He told me. "I'm afraid I've never heard of them." I said. "Well, they are just getting started really.but trust me they're going to be big!" He said getting excited. Though I detected a scent of doubt in his voice. I was sure that was because his job and source of income was basically resting on that hope. "When and where should I meet you?" I asked. "Well, I have your address right here, so what do you say the girls and I will pick you up, and we'll go out to eat somewhere nice. Is that OK with you?" He asked. "You're the boss.sure it'll be fun." I answered. "OK, I'll pick you up around 6 then." He said. "OK, till then." I was getting ready to hang up. "Right, bye." He said. It was already 3, but I still had plenty of time to get ready and still have too much time to kill. So I decided I'd take my time. I took a long hot shower. I actually followed the directions on the shampoo bottle and lathered rinsed and.yes the ever so important repeat. Though I normally wouldn't do so.LOL. After taking too long washing certain areas of my body.I got out to dry off. I needed to shave, so I went to it. I always hated shaving. I always liked to fantasize about electrolysis, or any other permanent hair removal process. Maybe someday.but right now I can't afford it! After getting dressed in black dress pants, shirt and tie, I sat around the living room watching TV. Mom finally showed back up around five. "Where have you been?" I asked her. "Oh sorry, I had to go help your Grandmother. She isn't getting along too well lately you know." She told me. "Yeah I know." I said with a sigh. Grandma hasn't been the same since my grandfather passed on. "Well, why are you so dressed up for?" She asked me. "Well, you know the job I told you about, well they are giving me another interview. And I get dinner out of the deal." I said laughing. "I'm sure you'll get the job looking so sharp!" She smiled at me. "I just hope I get along with the girls." I said. "Who are they?" She asked. "They are the members of the group `The Diamond Dolls'." I told her. "OK, never heard of them. What kind of music do they do?" She asked. "Darn, I forgot to ask." I admitted to her. Though I had a good feeling with a name like theirs, they were most likely a pop or R&B group. I just hoped they really were good. It will be fun to go to work with a group that I enjoyed listening to! But if they are awful, and I have to hear them every other night.Heaven help! Almost right on the minute a large van pulled into my driveway. Out the front seat, popped Blake. He was dressed very similar to myself. He surprised me by embracing me with a small hug. And then pulled away all to soon. "You look nice Tony. You don't mind me calling you that?" He asked. "That's fine, a lot of my friends call me that." I said. "So I have good news and bad news." He said. "Well, let's get the good news first then." I said with a nervous laugh. "Well, the good news is.the girls are here, and ready to go.but the bad news is.they want to eat fast food.so the 2 of us are painfully overdressed!" He told me. "Leave it to girls to throw off plans." I said laughing. "Why don't you come in, and I'll find you something to change into." I said. "Sure, thanks." He followed me into the house. "That door leads to my room, just pick out something from the closet, I'll be right back.want to tell the girls to come in." I told him. I walked out to invite them in.when I realized. I don't even know these girls. What do I call them? Oh well, I guess I'll just say hi and introduce myself. I knocked on the van door, and a beautiful black girl with long curly hair stepped out. Followed behind her was an exact copy.with the exception that she had much shorter hair. "Hey my name is Anthony." I said extending my hand to the girl with the long hair. "Hey my name is Ruby." She said pulling me into a hug. "And I'm her twin sister Emerald." The other girl said hugging me as well. "Nice to meet you, won't you come in? Blake is changing, and I need to as well. You girls are a bit dressy for fast food too!" I said noticing they both had on flashy sequenced blouses with nice looking pants as well. "Well, we like to travel in style!" Emerald said. "That and Em here didn't drop the change of plan on us till the last minute." Ruby Joked. "So you're calling the shots then?" I asked Emerald. "No not really, but she's the loudest." Ruby joked on her sister. "Well, I'd offer you something else to wear.but I don't have anything." I laughed. "That's fine. So do you live alone?" Ruby asked putting her arm around my shoulder as we walked in the house. "No, I live with my mom. Mom come and meet the girls." I called to her. Mom entered the living room and exchanged names and such with them. By the time that was over Blake exited my room and I retreated to my room to change quickly too. We had a nice enough meal, but didn't get much talking in. After all, fast food places aren't exactly great for conversations. It's always so loud there! After that, we decided to go the park, and hang out. Ruby and I really hit it off. I could tell right away that we'd be good friends. Blake was kind of keeping his distance. I didn't know why though. Emerald wasn't very talkative, and she was supposed to be the loud one? Ruby told me about this ex-boyfriend, and that boy she liked. Just basic `girl' talk. I didn't feel like coming out to a total stranger, so I just kind of stuck to talking about her. After that, we headed back to my house. Blake pulled into the driveway and cut of the engine. "Well, Tony we had a good time this evening. We should get back to the hotel, after all, we have to get back on the road soon." He told me. "Wait, first I need to talk to him `alone'." Ruby said. "OK, make it fast." Blake ordered. "Yes master!" She said sticking her tongue out at him. "He's a real ass sometimes." She said when we were out of hearing distance. "He seems nice enough." I told her. "Well, wait till you get to know him!" She laughed. "So what did you want to talk about?" I asked her. "Well, I'm normally not so forward with these things.but I really have to know.since we are going to be practically living together.Are you gay?" She asked. "What? How did you know?" I asked her. I was shocked. "Well, I could just tell. You never made a pass at me, and there was the fact that you look at Blake a lot." She said. "Oh damn, was I that obvious?" I asked. "No, I just have built in gaydar." She said laughing. "Oh, that must come in handy." I said. "Yeah, it does. I don't need a gay boyfriend!" She said laughing "Well, I hope you don't mind me.you know.being gay." I said worrying she might not want me around anymore. "No, that's great actually! Makes it much easier on us both, no sexual tension, just a good friendship." She said smiling. "Great so do I get the job?" I asked her. "Yep, you got my vote. And I know Emerald liked you too." She said. "Well, then should I pack?" I asked her. "Yes, we'll be leaving tomorrow at noon. So pack 2 bags.one with clothes and the other with anything else you need. Don't pack too many clothes.after all shopping is what we do on off days!" She said laughing. I gave her another hug, and we parted company. I waved to the van and saw the other two waving back at me. I couldn't wait to start my new life. Everything was turning out great. To Be Continued. I hope you enjoyed the first chapter, and there will be more soon. Love you all! Questions and comments to lefteyefan-1@tlcfanmail.com