Date: Sat, 9 Dec 2000 21:58:34 -0600
From: Lee McDougal <leo1980@gay.com>
Subject: "Hold Me" Chapter 10

Welcome back to another edition of my story. I hope you guys will enjoy it.
It's a little different from my last couple, but I am really happy with the
final product! 2 more chapters after this guys! Stick with me, and see how
it all ends.  Email me at leo1980@gay.com

IF YOU WERE TO HOLD ME
Chapter 10
THE CONCERT

Part I: Shades of the Past

Hey everyone, I'm so glad you came back to hear more of my story...Brian
picked up the slack for me last time. But now I'm back! So anyway, as you
know I was totally screwed...till Brian came and saved me. Sure he had a
little help...but I know if it wasn't for him...well, I'd rather not think
about it.
	The events of my life have been so exciting since I met Blake, so I
can't hate him...even though he betrayed me, and broke my heart. I guess if
it weren't for him, I'd have never met Brian...or become a pop star. OK, so
I'm not exactly a pop star, but at least I'm more well known! And I get to
put my music out in front of the whole world! That's exciting. Now I have a
big show to get ready for...oh, and recover from my weekend. Well, it's
been 2 days since I was brought to this hospital. Despite threats from
management and his fellow bandmates...Brian hasn't left my side. I even
started asking him to go after the first day. I felt guilty, cause I didn't
want to get him in trouble. I know it was going really fast...but how could
I not fall in love with him? He's like my hero. And he's been my friend for
a while now...so we already know each other! Maybe it's all to perfect, and
I'm putting my heart out again too soon...but that's what love and life is
about. Chances!
	Changes were happening so rapidly lately...I was living in a dream
world...sometimes with bright pink fluffy clouds that would support
me...and ease away any pain this life may have dealt me. And sometimes
there are storms of lightning...and tornadoes that roar and tempt me to my
very death. That as well is part of life. I have learned to deal with
it. And soon you'll see what I mean by pain: 1987:
	"Come on Tony, It'll be fun...it's a game! You'll like it." He said
to me.
	"Okay, lets go!" I was so excited. He was never was nice to me.
	"Um...why are we going in the bathroom?" I asked.
	"Cause it's more fun in here." He stated.
	"Okay...Now what?" I asked, more curious now.
	"Let's pee..." He said.
	That was always fun, cause then I got to see...you know! Even at
this age...I was a little pervert.
	"Now taste it..." He said pointing at his penis.
	"Okay..." I said a little scared. I didn't know why, but it felt
wrong or naughty.
	It tasted odd...kind of bitter. I didn't like it.
	"I don't like it. Let's do something else." I suggested.
	"Okay..." Then he sucked me into his mouth. Wow! That did feel
good.
	"That feels good." I told him.
	"You do it me now, and I'll do it to you even longer." He promised.
	I slowly took his penis into my mouth...I didn't like that very
much. But I did enjoy playing with his hair. I wished I had hair by my
penis too! It looked so cool.
	After a while of taking turns...he got me to lie on the washing
machine. I didn't know why...I wasn't wearing my pants. I didn't know
then...but he was trying to fuck me. I'm glad it didn't work. Probably
would have hurt like hell!
	He also taught me out to masturbate...or in those days-`play with
my petty'. I taught the fun games to my younger cousin. His penis didn't
taste any better, but at least it was fun to get mine sucked in return. We
masturbated together a lot too. We used to do it in our bed, but my Grandpa
caught us one day. So after that we found other places to play. We actually
found this cool place out in the woods. There were a few rubber
tires...that we could use to sit on. It was cool; we could do other things
too. We could use those words that would get us spanked, or switched more
often. We made up stupid little songs...that had curse words in them. But
mostly we used it for sexual exploits. Of course my cousin had a tendency
to receive much more than he gave. Which led me to treat him poorly a few
times. But it wasn't fair. And at 7...if something wasn't fair, hang it up!
It's ground for murder. LOL!
	Eventually the close calls were getting really bad. And at some
point, we got caught looking at dirty magazines...that `he' showed me. To
say the least, we put our games in a box of sorts...and locked them
away...to never come out again. Or so we thought.  1994
	The woods of my boyhood had all but disappeared. Actually it was
cut down to make room for Chickens...and that sucked! I used to like
playing in the woods...and playing in the woods. But this year we were to
find an even better place in another part of the woods. It was the most
amazing place. The vines and small trees grew in to a perfect formation to
form an organic cave of sorts...and best of all; it was totally hidden from
the world. We were once again free to explore our wilder sides. It was the
place for a many game of truth or Dare. And many just get naked
things. There were around 4 of us usually. Just being kids...playing games,
and exploring our sexuality. This of course brought my little cousin and I
back into our old ways. And when alone, we did the things we used to do,
but it was more fun...since I had hit puberty!
	But the year wasn't all about sexual exploration in fun...it was
when it started...the pain. The depression...It was more than that. It was
this huge cloud of misery that came over our family, and refused to go
away. It all started when Grandpa got sick. When I say sick that's an
understatement. He had prostate cancer and a tumor on his brain.  He went
through surgery to remove the tumor on his prostate, but after that...they
found the brain tumor. There was no way to save him...according to
doctors. He should have been dead years ago. Which some say that's why he
was like he was.
	Let me take time to go back a little...you see all my life as far
back as I can remember. My grandfather had been a real bastard. He would
curse, and hit me. And occasionally for no real reason switch my legs till
they would bleed. He was awful. He wasn't a pleasant person by any
means. He would throw me out of the house sometimes, for no reason. I guess
I just wasn't the grandson he wanted. Or maybe he didn't want one at all. I
think it was really to with my mom more. He didn't like her either. He
treated my sister and mother like shit too. He was so quick to blow up...we
were all scared of him. Though I doubt many of us would admit it now.
	But all this out of the way, it was still hard on most of the
family. Even my brother apparently. William was always a drinker and pot
smoker...or at least for a very long time. But when Grandpa got sick, he
started doing it more often. And I've even heard rumors that he got into
the heavy stuff...like crack. But I don't have any proof for that.  Hell I
don't even know why...why he did what he did. He must have been in
pain...but how could he be in as much pain as what he caused us all? How
could he hurt mom like that? She did everything for him...even it meant I
had to do without...I wore broke glasses with the wrong prescription for
nearly a year, just so she could visit Will at the halfway house, and bring
him a cartoon of cigarettes once a week.
	I guess I hated him...why wouldn't I? What did he ever do to show
any love for me? Hell he told me himself.  "I hate you." He stated. The
most he usually said to me was...Shut up Tony! I mean sure, we got along
some...but those were rare occasions. Lord knows he wasn't very
considerate...I couldn't count the times I came home, and I'd have to wait
for him to get dressed...cause all he did was lay around the house and fuck
his girl friend all day. He didn't have a job, and he quit school...yet he
still had all he wanted. So surely he could be decent when I came
home...but no the routine was I had to bang on the door till they got
dressed...it was very annoying. You see his room at the time was a bed in
the living room...so it wasn't very good for them or me. And the wonderful
day that they stayed locked in the bathroom together...I thought I was
going to shit myself. Eventually I crossed my fingers, and ran to my
Grandmothers house. Sex crazed teenagers do not make for good roommates!
	Well, I do get distracted...now back to what actually
happened. Will got worse and worse, and eventually his depression must have
got the best of him. Cause one night he didn't come home. Not that big of a
surprise he stayed gone a lot. But he didn't come back that morning
either. Mom and her boyfriend went looking for him...but they couldn't find
him anywhere. Eventually they found Will's dog, and he led them to him...he
was gone. He had shot himself with my Grandfather's rifle. After that I
cringed every time I heard a gun shot. I was so afraid someone else would
die. To put it short, it was the last nail in my Grandfather's coffin. He
was doing better actually for a while...but with Will gone. He gave
up. They both died within 3 months of each other. The loss was just too
much on our family. My sister became bitter, and for some reason we became
distant. She would pick fights with me...and always say I wasn't tough
enough. I wasn't man enough...I was just a big baby. She was hateful
really. Mom, well...she went crazy. She wouldn't let me out of her sight
for the longest. If was to get separated at the mall or something. I would
find her somewhere squalling...convinced that was never coming back to
her. She was changed too...we all were.
	Myself...I was depressed...in all ways you can define the word. I
was never suicidal by any means...but I didn't want to live. I just wanted
it all to go away...and so I fed the pain with food...with material
possessions...I gained up to 330 pounds. There was a lot of me to go
around.
	Eventually we all started to heal...never as strong as before, but
healing all the same. I think at one time we all thought that life would be
good as long as we had each other. But all of our family traditions or
love...didn't save Will, or my Grandfather. And that's why the family
died. Never again since Grandfathers death would our whole family...the
aunts, the uncles, and cousins be together again. Our family died with
them. Sure the one's that were closest stuck together...but it wasn't the
same.
	1998
	I know I'm skipping ahead a lot, and I've probably missed so
much...but at least you are getting a peep at what keeps me up at nights...
	Actually this part started before 98, but that's where it all
ended...School wasn't fun for me. I know it wasn't supposed to be, but it
was supposed to be at the very least tolerable. But my school days
weren't. At 12 I became an object of ridicule, a person to made fun of, and
abused...even my teacher took shots at me. I was fat, lazy...and I missed
too much school she would say. Yeah I did miss to much school...who would
want to go to school when kids would give you wedgies, and shoot spit balls
on you...and call you queer...and fat ass...and hit you. Yeah, they all
liked to hit me. I was a wuss they would say. I didn't fight back...I was
an easy target. I was afraid to fight back...fighting was wrong...that's
all I knew...so I wouldn't do it. I wanted my mom to be proud of me...I
hardly ever saw her anyway...she was always working...so the least I could
do was be good at school and make her proud right?  How was I to know that
sometimes being good isn't the answer? After 2, nearly 3 years of being
good...and taking all sorts of mental, and physical abuse...I decided to be
bad. I started spewing out those words of fury and rage like the rest. My
dirty language shocked some people...enough to they would leave me
alone...hell some even started being nice to me. Weird I know...but isn't
high school? I started talking in class...It was also wrong, but I had to
break the rules...I had to learn to be a kid. And though I wasn't exactly
popular, at least I could walk down the hall now. After the years of
torture...well, in my senior year I faced a new challenge that might have
been just as hard on me.
	I fell in love...it would have been easy if it was with a girl. But
it was with a guy. I fell head over hills for the guy. He never knew it,
and never will. I had to finally face my sexuality that in the past I had
always just locked away, or just treated as a big game...yes that what it
had been. But now it was real...and really scary! I was convinced that
everyone would hate me...and that I was obviously going straight to hell. I
mean I was gay...that was a sin...and as I had been told by people in
church and other places...that earned you instant hell time. Can you
imagine how hard that was on me? Well, since you are reading this story,
you probably do know. Cause your probably like me...you were probably
scared too...the first time you dealt with being gay...if your straight
then...you might still understand.  But not really...you have to experience
the fear, and the self-hate...to really know what I'm talking about. You
have to get up every morning at 5...cause your too guilty to sleep past
sunrise. You have to pray every night that God will make you
straight...only to wake up that next morning thinking about some guy...and
wishing he would look your way. It was very confusing, and sometimes when I
look back...I still get confused about it all. And sometimes I wonder what
would have happened if I had told everyone then...would they have freaked
out...probably. Would they have put me back into the closet even with
myself? Possibly, cause at the time I wasn't sure myself. So I'm glad that
I didn't tell them yet. I wasn't ready, and neither were they. They never
would be ready for it.
	Of course the people that I had fooled around with, as a kid
weren't that surprised...so they were easy practice targets. Eventually I
tackled harder and harder coming out's. Till I worked my way up to my
Mom. It was the zenith of my coming out in my mind. She was the one that
meant the most to me in the whole world. If she rejected me...I knew it
would just be the end of my life then.
	Well, it wasn't...she was okay for the first day or so...but
eventually she flipped out. She almost threw me out of the house, but
instead she did something else. She left me...she moved out. I was left to
take care of myself. I was in college at this point. It was really scary. I
was very dependent on my mother. She did everything...I had to learn to
cook my own meal...do laundry...clean...wake myself up! It wasn't that
hard, cause I knew how to do most of it...but knowing how, and having to do
it are 2 different things. I didn't realize how lucky I was till I lost
mom. But eventually I got the hang of it and actually enjoyed living by
myself. But it didn't last, my aunt moved in with me...and she about drove
me crazy! After a few months of that...I finally convinced my mom to move
back in...we were finally getting to be closer again...but we would never
be best friends again...like we were. Never would I feel safe to share all
my secrets with. After all she told my secret to the one person I never
wanted to know...my sister.  You heard how she was to me before...well when
she found out I was gay. She cut me out of her life. I couldn't see my
nephew any more...that was it. I lost even more of my family. Even today I
only see my nephew on holidays...it's sad. But I dealt with it...just like
I had to deal with so much in my life.
	I could tell more and more horror stories...but I think you get the
point now...needless to say my life wasn't a storybook. So now you know why
I wanted to get away from my home...why I was so willing to love
Blake. Cause I needed and wanted love so badly! But now I finally found
it...or actually I found it! Brian...I hope you never leave me.
	I think the reason I told you all of this is to let you know...just
how amazing my story really is...not because a became a pop singer...not
because I got to meet the Backstreet Boys...and not even because I'm dating
Brian...but because I survived. Because despite all the trails, and
pain...I rose above it. I didn't let it kill me. It probably made me
stronger. Or at the very least it taught me the importance of
compassion...forgiveness...and love! The real accomplishment of my life is
just that...I live. And now I'm even finding true happiness. And as much as
Brian has helped with that...at the same time it had nothing to do with
him. I was all inside me. I had to stop the one thing standing in the way
of my happiness...me.


Part II: Preparing for the show

	As I was saying, I had been resting up for last couple of days, but
I was getting out now. Brian was leaving me for the first time...to get the
car. I know he's just trying to help, but what happens when he actually
does have to go? Well, I guess for now it's best not to think of it. I have
to get to practice tomorrow. I have that show coming up, whether I'm ready
or not!
	Brian and I spent most of the morning getting me settled in at
home. Yes, I mean home in Alabama. Mom was there too. She was pretty
worried about me. She had been there just about as much as Brian. Between
the two of them I was ready to scream...but I wouldn't have it any other
way. Also I think I was going crazy cause I wanted to get back to work. I
was nervous about the show. And I've had very little time to get ready for
it...and I'm doing like nearly my whole album at the show. It's my real
chance to perform. I just hope I'm a hit, not a flop. It's even worse since
it's in my home state! Oh wow! What if there are lots of people there I
know?
	Ruby and Emerald have called me a lot the last few days too. They
keep telling me to stop worrying that I'll nail it. I'm glad they are on my
side. I'll be so glad to see them again! But they are in Florida with their
mom. They aren't worried about the show at all! They know their part. Of
course they do need to practice the song we are doing together. Brian had
to do a concert tonight, and he had to go do a sound check at 3. So at 3 my
man is gone till tomorrow...LOL. Wow! I'm dating Brian. That's really
great. And it's not because he's a Backstreet Boy either; it's because he's
such a great guy. I knew that no matter what happened with our
relationship, that we would be friends forever. And that's what makes him
special.
	"What are you thinking about now?" Brian asked looking into my
eyes.
	"You know...everything, mostly you." I blushed.
	"Yeah, I know exactly what you mean." Then he kissed me softly on
the lips.
	Once more, he took me in his arms. I laid my head down on his
chest. How could anyone not be happy in these arms? I also noticed a rather
large swelling in both of our pants. I'd be glad when I had the energy to
do something about those. Hmm...I wonder if Brian is versatile too? I guess
I'd find out soon.
	"Now what are you thinking about?" Brian asked with a big grin on
his face.
	"Do you really have to ask...looks like your thinking about the
same things." I said and slightly squeezed his crotch.
	"That's nice...I was just thinking how nice it'll be when we have
time away from the music...the tours...and schedules so we could really
enjoy ourselves." He told me.
	"Yeah, I know what you mean. I think we should take some time off
after this tour ends. At least for the holidays." I suggested.
	"Of course, there's no way we are going to be off touring during
Christmas. After that...We have the tour for Black and Blue. Do you want to
be our main opening act next time?" He asked me.
	"That'd be nice, but don't you think we have to go through the guys
and management first?" I asked him.
	"Yeah, I know. I just wanted to make sure you weren't trying to
escape yet." Brian rubbed my back.
	"Of course not. But you do know that someday our music careers are
going to take us in two different directions? What then?" I asked the
question that had been at the back of my mind.
	"I think we both know what will happen then. One of us will make a
sacrifice. Cause you know as well as I do...together we live...apart we
just exist. Don't think about that right now. I know it can work out. After
all what are the chances that we will last forever. I mean we have been in
the business 8 years now. That's longer than most people last." Brian told
me.
	"That's true. And besides I've just got my foot in the
door. There's still the very real chance that I'll just hit rock
bottom...and never be heard from again." I told him my real worry about my
future in music.
	"That's possible, but I seriously doubt it Tony. You have all the
potential in the world. I don't know if your life as a solo artist will be
your real break though. I think your music could use another voice. Like
mine." Brian told me.
	"What are you suggesting?" I asked him.
	"You'll see soon enough babe. I have it all worked out. Just trust
me when I say, I love you. And we'll be together forever." That was the
strongest pledge of love I had ever heard. It was enough to whip away my
fears.
	I must have fell asleep; cause next thing I knew Brian was
gone. I'm so glad he went to the show tonight, I was so worried that he was
getting in trouble. I also wondered who was opening up for the guys now?
Then it hit me...I bet Nick had some pull with a certain pop singer.

At the Concert:
	Now opening for the Backstreet Boys: Aaron Carter.
	"Hey everyone! I know you guys are here to see my brother, and
friends. But how about we get the party started a little early?" He asked
as the audience went wild.
	Aaron performed to his song "Come get it" and did a couple other
songs as well...closing with his new cover of "I want Candy".
	As Aaron walked backstage: "Great show buddy!" Nick said giving his
brother a hug.
	"Thanks Nick. I'm just glad I could help you guys out. When will
Tony and the Girls be back?" He asked.
	"I think the girls will be back tomorrow night. But Tony has to get
ready for the show...so I guess you can stick around can't you?" Nick
asked.
	"I think I can." He said giving his brother another hug.

	The next day was really good. It felt great to be singing again. I
still knew all the words to my songs...Bonus! Of course it helped that
Brian was singing some of his favorites to me while I was in the
hospital. The guys in the band were great though! The music at the show was
going to be awesome. I was really getting excited again. Worries were out
the door!
	I talked to Nick this morning, and he told me about Aaron opening
for them...and that he'd stick around till after the show. Of course we
only had like 3 shows after mine...but anyway. I was glad for the extra
time to practice.  We had about a week to get ready! Brian, Linda, and I
went to lunch between practice sets. I would have invited the other guys,
but they said they had plans. I don't know why, but I think those two are a
couple. They just seem to look out for each other.
	"So what's it like touring with him and the other Backstreet Boys?"
Linda asked me.
	"It's a lot of fun, and a lot of work too." I admitted.
	"So when are you going to get your own tour?" Linda asked.
	"Probably not for a while. I've just started after all. Probably
after the Black and Blue tour...I hope." I told her.
	"Right, that'll be awesome...by then we might be opening up for
him." Brian teased me.
	"You're so crazy." I said running my hand through his hair.
	"Ah, that's the connection with Brian! I knew he was spending a lot
of time with you." Linda said with a big smile on her face.  "Shh...it's a
secret for now." I told her.
	"Well, I wasn't going to go tell the local newspapers!" She said
laughing at me.
	"I know, but reporters tend to hang around when it comes to the
boys." I told her.
	"Well it's a wonder the whole world doesn't know then...after all
Brian has put his concerts off, and everything for you." Linda stated.
	"I know...Oh Brian I don't want you to loose anything because of
me." I told him.
	"I won't! You're the only part of my life that I can't live without
Anthony. You know that. And my music, I'll always have...whether I'm
singing for the world...or just for you!" He reassured me. He always knew
what to say.
	"That's great guys...and even if they don't find out. Will you guys
ever go public with your relationship?"  Linda asked.
	"I don't know...we haven't discussed it yet, maybe someday." Brian
answered for us.
	"But now we need to focus on the concert." I reminded her.
	"Don't remind me...every time I think of it I get butterflies. I
hope I don't mess up." She stated.
	"Don't worry, you'll do fine, and so will you Tony...I could tell
you were worried too." Brian reassured us.
	The next day after practice I rode with Brian to sound check. I
wanted to meet Aaron and check to see everyone. Aaron seemed like a great
kid. He had a nice sense of humor, and was very down to earth.
	"So what do you like most about singing?" I asked Aaron.
	"Well, I guess it's just fun...and it seems to impress the ladies."
Aaron stated.
	Typical teenager answer...but I asked. After talk to him a few
minutes, I went to hang out with the girls.  They had just finished sound
check so they were free for a while.
	We went out to lunch. Were we could talk and catch up.
	"So tell us the truth Tony...how big is Brian?" Emerald asked me.
	"What makes you so sure I've seen it yet?" I asked laughing at her
boldness.
	"Well, you guys have been sharing a bed a lot lately. One, can
assume..." She lead on.  "Well, I won't tell you anything...because you're
just too... too...
	"Nosy!" Ruby suggested.
	"Yeah, pretty much." I told her laughing.
	"It's just I had heard so many rumors that it was...you
know...BIG." Emerald stated.
	"Hmm...well, you know they say where there's smoke there's fire." I
teased her
	"I knew it! He's probably got 11 inches. He'll probably bust you
wide open Tony!" Emerald blurted.
	I turned bright red, and just died laughing...thank god she didn't
have the size right...that would be damn scary! At least in my book. After
a while, I decided it was time to leave. Emerald...do leave home without
her!
	After lunch, Ruby and I set and talked a bit longer without the
2-year-old. Don't get me wrong I love Emerald to death, but her over
stocked energy can be too much sometimes.
	"So what are you and Howie planning to do when the tour is over?" I
asked her.
	"Well, we are going to his house to see if we can function together
for an extended lot of time...without killing each other. And from
there...who knows." She told me.
	"How are you guys going to see each other when he goes back on
tour?" I asked him.
	"To be honest...I don't know. I'm afraid that it's quite possible
that we will just drift apart. I hope not, but there's a big chance that it
will." Ruby told me.
	"Brian seems to be pretty sure that we'll work it out anyway...so
maybe you guys will too. If you really love each other." I told her.
	"I don't know Tony...how can I be sure that I'm in love with him?"
She asked me.
	"Do you think of him night and day?" I asked her.
	"Pretty much..." She admitted.

	"Does the thought of being without him make you cry?" I asked her.
	"Yes...that's exactly right." She started to smile slightly.
	"Then you're in love. I'm sure of it." I gave her a hug.
	"Thanks Tony. You're right. I know that we will be able to work it
out. It might be hard, but we can do it."  Ruby was smiling this time. I
was too. I knew we'd both be able to make it. If our guys love us half as
much...then we got it maid!  The night before the concert:
	"Well this is it guys...all our work has really paid off. You guys
sound great. Maybe even better than the music on the album." I praised my
band.
	"Well, I think it's better!" Brian threw in.
	I had to smile at him; he was really excited about the show. That
night neither of us could sleep. I kept singing my songs in my head...and
sometimes out loud. Brian eventually got me to go to sleep...using some
crafty methods...that I won't disclose.


Part III: The Day of the Concert

	I woke up with Brian holding me, and more than a little bit of
excitement. I was still nervous, but not as bad.  It was going to be fun
from this point on. We had done the time, worked our asses off, and now we
got to enjoy it all.  We all met for breakfast...all being Brian, Ruby,
Emerald, AJ, Howie, Nick, Linda, James, and D. We were all in good spirits!
Emerald told me how she was looking forward to doing a different line up at
the show. She really liked the song that we did together. I was looking
forward to performing with them again as well. Everyone was going to be at
the show. Except for Kevin...who has still been a little distant from me. I
hope we can both get past the whole Blake situation.
	Blake had been as good as gold the past week. He was once again
doing his job as my manager. He helped out at the practices offering some
good advice, and general encouragement. I think that I am learning to
forgive him...and it's healthy. I think that we'll be friends again
someday, but only friends.
	After Breakfast we met up with my mom, Blake, and a few of my other
family members. They all wanted to go see the show. So I agreed to get
passes for as many of them as possible. Including: Linda's mom Sara, my
cousins' Justin, Brad, and Shane-Linda's brother. We all just hung out, and
let the family get a chance to hang out with the boys, and meet Emerald and
Ruby. I think Justin was attracted to both of the girls...but he just
couldn't compete with their boyfriends.
	At lunch, the pop stars, Blake, and I went to eat in Birmingham. We
had to do all the sound checks and such before the show. I was so
excited...strangely enough this all was very familiar to me! The stage was
set up just like I had seen it so long ago. I guess dreams really do come
true!
	After we had done the sound checks and took a break...I set down on
the edge of the stage staring out at what would be the crowd. I was lost in
my thoughts...
	"It's just like your dream isn't it?" Brian asked me.
	"How'd you know about my dream?" I asked him confused.
	"It's the same dream I had...this stage, this place...you and the
guys that I never met! It's just all so perfect!" He told me.
	"Wow, that's really strange...and just think we just happened to
meet as well." I stated.
	"Well, maybe it's not that simple. After that dream, I went looking
for you...of course I didn't find you, but when the Diamond Dolls came on
to the scene...I just got one of those twinges that said they would lead me
to you.  And they did!" Brian told me.
	"You went looking for me...that's interesting. So that's why you
took an instant liking to me. Cause you wanted to meet me..." I put some of
the pieces together.
	"Right, and since I met you I've been getting different visions and
little peeks into the future. I think you have affected me in some strange
way." Brian stated
	"Since I've met you my life has turned quite upside down...so I
guess I can relate!" I hugged him tightly to me. Together we made a
whole...something I had never experienced with anyone else.
	Now was the time to get nervous...only hours away from the show! I
pretty much stayed attached to Brian or Ruby the whole afternoon. I was
ready to jump out of my skin. I knew I couldn't hang onto Brian in Public,
so if we went out for something I just clung to Ruby. I don't know why I
was going through such stage fright all the sudden.  But luckily it didn't
last. I was over it by an hour before the show. And when the girl's went on
to open...all my fears just slipped away! They were awesome! They always
were, but tonight they just sounded so wonderful...as if they were
angels. After they sang the two songs they usually did, AJ went out and
sang a song with them. The audience really seemed to love it! After that
the Girls sang the song they were thinking of releasing as there third
single. It was called "Love maker". It was a very naughty song! I liked it!

	Sometimes I like to have some fun...I know I'm not the only
one. When I see a guy so fly...I know I want make him mine. But I know it
won't be long...till his game will show...then it's time to throw him out
the door!

Chorus: He was a love maker...that's all he was. He liked to take me in
middle of the night! He was a love maker...he knew just what to do. When
all the loving was done...we were through!
	When I met you, you were so fine...I knew I had to make you mine!
	But now you're running around telling all your friends! That I was
simple and that I was in love...that you had me in the palm of your
hand...well to your surprise I had other plans!
	Chorus repeats
	I like the feeling when you touch me...I like the taste of your
kiss. I enjoy the touch of your skin...but that doesn't mean that isn't
still the end!
	What I got to say you ain't hearing...when I met you we were
chillin', now I want you to know that you need to go! I have no more use
for you...now go away!  Chorus repeats: He was a love Maker...that's all I
needed! Sometimes I like to get it in the middle of the night! He was a
love maker...he knew how to do me right! After all the fun is gone...I had
to leave him all alone!
	After that song, it was our turn to play. We opened up with Try Try
Try again, my new single. That I was shooting a video for next week! We did
a few more songs, and then the girls came out to do our song.
	"This is a song the 3 of us worked on. It's called pretend. It's a
song about depression, and how we hide our pain...I hope you enjoy it.
	(Me)While I was walking along a beautiful river...I saw myself
trying to swim. I knew if I just moved my arms...I wouldn't drown in all
this pain. (Ruby) I was strolling along in the park I knew that I was all
alone...but I wasn't afraid. I don't really mind all those monsters lurking
in the dark!  Chorus (all)
	I know that everything is fine! I'll just close my eyes...nothing's
wrong look at the shinning sun!
	I know that things are great! I'll just pretend that I'm in
love...I'll just pretend that I'm in the heavens above!  Oh I'll just
pretend...Yes I'll pretend.
	(Emerald) It's not like I'm gonna die...it's not the end of the
world! Sure I have nothing to show, for this gigantic hole you left in my
soul! (Me) It's okay, I'll be fine...after all I've got nothing but time!
Look at my life I've just begun...now it's my time to feel the sun...
Chorus again (Ruby) I can't believe all the pain is gone...after all the
rain is gone...I know that I will smile again. This time I know it's
real...it's got to be real! (Me) After it's all said and done...I'm not
gonna be the lonely one. I know your hurting and feeling blue! After all
there can't be that big a difference between me and you? Right?  Chorus
till end.  After that the girls took there final bow, and we did two more
songs. And took our bows as well...With a roar of the crowd, we all quickly
returned and did an encore. We ended the show with my favorite, and first
single:

Been loving you (If you were to hold me) I was so glad it had went so well!
I was entirely thrilled! Everything went just like the dream that I can
remember...even the cheesy hug with Blake! LOL!  After the concert we went
out to have some more fun. We went to a club near by. Some of us weren't
old enough to drink, but we all got in at least! Mom actually did come, but
she didn't stay long.  "You were great to night Anthony, I'm really proud
of you!" She stated, and gave me a hug.  "Thanks, I'm so glad you could be
here to see me. You're my number one fan you know!" I told her.

	That's sweet dear, but we both know you are wrong...your number one
fan is out there dancing." She said pointing at Brian. I wanted to be
dancing in his arms so bad...but I knew I couldn't...at least not
yet. Someday! I hoped!
	After mom left all of us got in one wad and danced together, so I
at least got to dance beside Brian, and occasionally he would squeeze my
hand! So what else more could I ask for? During the slow dance Blake danced
with me, since he had no fear of being caught. It was fun, but as you might
have guessed Ruby cut in half way through the song...LOL!
	"Don't you have a man already?" Blake joked.
	"Yes, but everyone knows that Tony is the man of the eve!" Ruby
stated and started to dance with me.
	"Thanks for doing this show tonight Ruby! I wouldn't be here if it
weren't for you. You're my best friend...and if I was straight I swear I'd
have to fight Howie for you." I joked with her.
	"Honey if you were straight, there wouldn't be a Howie." She
flirted back.
	"Oh like I'm supposed to be able to compete with a Backstreet Boy!"
I laughed at her.
	"Fame isn't everything Tony...don't forget that." She said, and as
the song ended she kissed me softly on the cheek.
	After that it was back to fast songs, and group dancing. We had a
ball! We all got recognized at one point or another that night...but we
still had a great time all the same. It was one of those nights that none
of us would soon forget. And in my mind it was the peak of my
career...maybe not as far as sales go...or maybe not even as far as the
quality of my performance...but just because everything was
perfect...because my family was there...my friends were there...and mostly
Brian was there.
	As Brian and I removed our clothing, I noticed that we were both
doing more watching than removing...it was funny. I just couldn't help
notice how wonderful his body looked. When we were finally down to our
boxers, we got into bed. He wrapped his warm arms around me, and kissed me
deeply.
	It wasn't just any kiss...it was one of those soul searching
kisses. One that was determined to find out every secret, every sweet spot
my mouth might have to hide. It was amazing...and as silly as it might
sound. I think I really did see stars that night. It was time...after all
the waiting and wondering how it might be...I was ready to love Brian the
way I've wanted to for so long!
	I started nibbling on his neck...licking and sucking a trail down
to the top of his boxers. I knew I had to see his cock soon...but I wanted
to tease him a bit first. I started rubbing the bulge with my nose, and my
lips...slightly taking the cloth covered erection in my mouth. Before too
long his head slipped through the hole in his shorts...it was too big to
stay confined. He was a good 9 inches! I had never seen one so big...in
person. I was more than a little excited, and a bit nervous. How was I
going to get all that in my mouth? Simple answer...I couldn't, but it was
lots of fun trying! He seemed to be enjoying the ride as well. He was
moaning softly and saying my name softly...occasionally he would run his
hands through my hair. I loved it! After a few more minutes of that...we
switched places and he started the same routine.
	By the time he made it to my boxers, I managed to go ahead and pull
them off. I was ready for him...to the point I thought I'd explode before
he touched me. He took my waiting cock into his mouth, and took it to my
pubes...he was amazingly good...considering he hadn't had that much
experience before hand. I was soon shooting a huge load into his
mouth. Then I was still hungry I wanted to taste his cum as well.
	"That was so good baby...I love you." I told him, and then rolled
him onto his back. I started to suck on his cock with more excitement. I
wanted to taste his sweet cum...he had a lot of precum, and it was the
sweetest thing I had ever tasted! I was enjoying this more than being
sucked! As I bobbed my head up and down...I could tell he was getting
close...he started to clinch the sheets with his hands, and after another
couple of minutes, he was shooting his sweet juices into my mouth! It was
wonderful...I couldn't get enough...I just kept sucking and milking his
cock till he eventually pulled me up and started kissing me deeply.
	"I love you so much Anthony! I will love you forever!" Brian
promised and kissed me once more. After that, words weren't needed...we
just clung to each other...in love forever...What could possibly come
between us? That night was the best night of my life yet...and by the looks
of it, I had many more to come.

To be Continued.

Stay tuned Coming soon is the Two part conclusion to our story!  Hope you
guys enjoyed it, I know the first part had little to do with my story, but
it did have a lot to do with the character...Take it as you will, but life
isn't always happy...And we must count our blessings. Leo1980@gay.com