Date: Wed, 16 May 2001 20:52:50 -0000
From: Diana Martin <callista_martin@hotmail.com>
Subject: The More Things Change 4B

The More Things Change 4b

By Diana


There was a soft reddish glow lighting up the room when Justin awoke;
rubbing the sleep from his eyes, the blonde sat up and found himself facing
a gorgeous sight. The sun was setting on the horizon, tinging the sea and
sky with a crimson-pink hue.

Funny how he'd never really appreciated something as simple as a sunset
before. He'd always been too busy or too tired or too wrapped up in his own
problems. But there was nothing stopping him now. Nothing at all.

He was free. And it felt fantastic.

Of course, freedom had its price. His stomach was loudly protesting the
fact that he hadn't eaten in two days, and he had a hard-on that could
punch through steel.

He was spoiled. Used to ordering take-out around the clock, or waking JC up
at three in the morning because he wanted to get off. And even if they'd
just performed and he was exhausted to the point of death, JC never refused
him.

With a groan, Justin pushed that thought away. He didn't want to remember
that. That was the past. Things were different now. He didn't need to think
about that anymore.

Dragging himself out of bed, the blonde stretched his back, resisting the
urge to comb his hair. That's how he gained his reputation as a narcophile;
it took him hours to put every curl in place.

Again vowing to get a haircut as soon as possible, Justin headed downstairs
and walked into the kitchen, where he was presented with another amazing
sight: Joey Fatone in a huge white apron, standing by a bunch of bubbling
pots he'd laid out on the stove. Cooking.

The other teen greeted Justin with a wide grin. "Hey, you're up!" he
exclaimed, motioning for his friend to come closer. Grabbing a wooden spoon
from the counter, Joey dipped it into a thick red liquid and raised it up.

"Pasta sauce." he explained. "Come on, I need a second opinion."

Hesitantly, Justin leaned forward and accepted the sample. He couldn't help
the slight giggle as he swallowed, and nodded in approval. "It's great." he
said.

Joey beamed at the compliment. "It'll be ready in a minute."

Justin just stared at him for a long moment. Finally, feeling like a total
idiot, he blurted out the obvious: "You can cook."

His bandmate just winked coyly. "I can do a lot of things."

* * *

Expectations to the contrary, dinner was great. Justin had always pictured
Joey as being hopelessly lost in the kitchen, but N'Sync's goof-off knew
EXACTLY what he was doing. Which proved just how little Justin actually
KNEW about his friend.

After doing the dishes, Joey suggested they check out the Miami night life.
Justin was tempted to say no, but he knew Joey wasn't an in-doors man. So
he nodded and went upstairs to get dressed.

They didn't have a car, but that was okay; it felt better to walk, to
breathe the fresh air and see the world without a pane of glass separating
them from it. They talked as they wandered the light-bathed streets, and it
became even clearer to Justin that he didn't know Joey at all. If the other
teen was insulted by that, he gave no indication. Nor did he need an
explanation: N'Sync, at least for Justin, had always revolved about
JC. Everyone else just faded away into the background.

They talked about families, home, music, food... Casual things. Normal
things.  Things anyone could relate to. And Joey went along with it, even
when part of him was screaming to just tell the truth and be done with
it. Justin was here, right here next to him, suffering because he thought
his husband had cheated on him. And Joey knew he hadn't.

He tried to change the subject a couple of times, but Justin always found
some new distraction. And Joey's heart wasn't really in it either. The kid
was having a good time. The truth could wait just a little while longer,
couldn't it? Didn't he deserve a little more normality, even if it wasn't
real?

"Is that what I think it is?" Justin suddenly asked, pointing to a neon
sign in the distance. It flashed wildly, highlighting a single word over
and over again: "GIRLS! GIRLS! GIRLS!" Mist creeped out from under the
doors, and there was loud music coming from inside.

Joey scratched his beard. "It's a strip joint. Duh."

The blonde turned to him and grinned mischievously. "Let's go in." He
pulled Joey's arm, but the taller teen dug his heels in.

"We can't go in there!"

"Why not?"

Joey opened his mouth to reply, and no sound came out. He didn't HAVE a
good answer. It just felt wrong, but he couldn't say that.

"Come on!" Justin urged, tugging on his friend's arm again. "Can't you see
the look on Johnny's face when he finds out? It'll be great!"

Before Joey could protest again, Justin led him inside.

* * *

It was pretty much as Justin had envisioned: Tables, chairs, a bar,
strobing lights, cheesy music, barely-clad waitresses and a stage, where
two girls were currently sashaying and peeling their clothes off to the
rhythm of "Lady Marmalade". Justin recognized Christina's voice instantly
as one of the strippers, a voluptuous blonde, descended and sat on the lap
of an older man, rubbing against him as he stuffed a hundred-dollar bill
into her G-string.

But the one thing he hadn't anticipated was the ambience. There was
something in the air that struck him like a train as soon as he stepped
inside. It was libido, pure and unrestrained sexuality. And a casual glance
sideways told him that Joey was affected just as much, if not moreso. After
all, he was the one who could REALLY appreciate those women.

Justin found himself drifting away from Joey as the other teen moved
towards the stage, where a topless brunette was beckoning to him. For a
moment, Justin wondered how that'd look on the front page: two members of
N'Sync, role models for countless little girls, caught in a strip joint
with anything but pure intentions in mind. Scandalous. Their reputation
would be shattered forever.

And of course, that was exactly what he wanted. Mischief, havoc, chaos.
Breaking every single rule he'd ever had to conform to. Because that was
who he was, that was the side of him no one had ever seen before. And now
was the time to set it loose.

"Well, this is a refreshing change."

Startled, Justin whirled around to find a woman leaning against the bar,
smiling at him. If there was ever a woman he might have been attracted to,
she was it: creamy white skin, long wavy brown hair that fell over her
shoulders to brush against her breasts, soft brown eyes that shone with
intelligence.  Though she was dressed in a leather mini-skirt and a top
that Britney would shy away from, this was no common stripper.

"Excuse me?" he asked.

The woman shrugged as she lit a cigarette and slipped it in between her
lips.  "First thing a customer usually does is head straight for the stage,
like your friend." She gestured, and Justin followed her movement to see
Joey smiling widely as one of the girls gave him a lap dance.

"He's just fooling around." Justin explained, not knowing why he felt the
need to defend Joey's reputation. "Doesn't get out much."

The woman laughed, a beautiful, almost melodious laugh. "Yeah, I know what
that's like." She held out her hand. "I'm Jenna."

Justin took her hand and squeezed it. "J.T." he replied. She was treating
him like a normal person, and he wanted to keep it that way.

"Well, J.T., like I said, you're a breath of fresh air. I didn't even have
to take my top off to get your attention."

He couldn't help chuckling at that. "Nah, I'm not that kind of guy." He
looked around for a moment. "So... you work here?"

Jenna's friendly smile faded slightly, and she dropped the cigarette on the
floor and stepped on it. Nodding to the bartender, she effortlessly caught
a short glass of brandy that slid her way and raised it to the
light. "Yeah."  she murmured, in a tone of voice that was all too
familiar. "It's kind of a long story."

Justin looked down at the floor. He knew. Just like that, he knew, because
he'd been there himself. And suddenly he understood her so completely, as
if he'd always known her. Because there was a part of him in her.

"Did he beat you?" he softly prompted.

Jenna didn't seem at all surprised by his deduction; had she guessed the
same about him? She shrugged, rolling the glass between her fingers,
watching the light bounce off the facets. "Not too badly. He was good, he
knew what he was doing. No scars, not even a lot of bruises. It was
just... he made a part of me want it. That's what I couldn't stand." Their
eyes met. "You know what I mean."

It wasn't even a question, but Justin nodded anyway. He wasn't sure why;
maybe he was trying to tell her she wasn't alone. Or trying to convince
himself of that.

With a sigh, Jenna reared her head back and swallowed the entire shot in
one gulp, slamming the glass back down on the bar and turning back to
him. "But that was then and this is now. He's out of the picture, and I'm
living my life."

"I'm happy for you." Justin said, and he meant it. This woman was exactly
what he was trying to be: free. She'd been through hell too, but it had
made her stronger, not weaker.

Jenna's grin grew wider. "You can be happy for you too." She placed her
hand on his arm. "You wanna know my secret?" When he nodded, she brushed
her lips against his ear and whispered: "I think about everything he never
let me do.  And I do it."

She moved back, and Justin felt his grin widen. Could it really be that
simple?

Her fingers slid down and wrapped around his hand. "You're gonna be okay."
she whispered, looking into his eyes.

The tears were coming again; didn't they ever stop? Didn't he deserve to
get through a day without breaking down? "I wish I was so sure."

"Yeah..." Jenna's lips perked up sadly, and now that Justin knew her
secret, he could see more evidence right there before him: she'd grown her
hair long to conceal the bruises on her face. Her nails were brutally short
because she bit them. Something was missing in her smile, a part of her
that had been lost, taken away forever. But she hid the signs well, well
enough that he never would have guessed on his own.

Just like no one would have guessed it about him.

"I wasn't sure about me either." she said. And then she shrugged, with that
detached apathy Justin craved for, that wonderful gift of just NOT CARING.
"But I made it. I just... I had to believe that he didn't kill all of me.
That there was still something inside me he couldn't touch. And I started
over."

There was regret in her eyes when she said that, and Justin knew why.
"Starting over" meant just that: a new town, a new look, maybe even a new
name. If she'd had any friends or family, they were gone now, left behind.
Because just being around them would remind her, every day, of what she'd
been through. And that would break her, like it would break him, seeing
Jack in every familiar face.

Unless he started over too. But he couldn't do that. He wasn't ready.

Not yet.

"Hey!" A hand clapped him on the shoulder, and Justin yelped in surprise,
shooting out of his seat. But it was only Joey, wearing an ear-to-ear grin
and looking more than a little flushed. There were huge lipstick smears on
his cheeks and lips; the girls had obviously enjoyed his company.

Jenna took in the disheveled teen's appearance with a raised eyebrow. "You
look like you had fun." she commented.

Only Joey Fatone could interpret that as a come-on. "My motto is you can
never have too much fun... if you get my meaning."

"Joey..." Justin warned, knowing how persistent Joey could be. But Jenna
didn't even blink. She just smiled, leaned in close and whispered something
in his ear. The teen's smile quickly dropped and he jumped back as if
burned.  She just smiled at him coyly.

"Uh... I'll... um..." Joey stammered. "I'll wait for you outside, okay?"
Without waiting for Justin's confirmation, Joey Fatone, the Italian love
machine, turned tail and ran.

Justin shot Jenna an incredulous glance. "What did you say to him?"

Jenna smirked mischievously. "That I'm into heavy S&M and I just happen to
have my whip handy."

He couldn't help chuckle at that. Joey could be pretty bold when it came to
sex, but he drew the line at anything involving leather or chains. And she
hadn't even needed a hint to figure that out.

She was amazing.

Mustering up his courage, Justin did something he never thought he'd do
after Joshua Chasez: he wrapped an arm around Jenna's waist, pulled her
close and kissed her on the lips. Just once, a chaste and pure kiss that
said so much more than his words ever could.

And without even looking at her, Justin followed Joey out, feeling her
smile on the back of his neck. The perfect way to say goodbye.

They knew they'd never see each other again.

* * *

The sand was cool beneath their bare feet as the two teens headed home.
Justin couldn't remember ever seeing anything as beautiful as the sea at
night: the moonlight shimmered across the waves, tinging them with silver
as they gently washed against the shore. A breeze swept across the breeze,
sending shivers up Justin's spine, and Joey lay an arm over his thinner
friend's shoulders, pulling him close.

"Nice night." Justin breathed as Joey locked eyes with a pretty woman who
passed them by. He smiled, she smiled... and that was that. She'd probably
be having wet dreams tonight.

"Stars..." the younger teen craned his head up to look at the sky. "You
know, sometimes I wish I could freeze a single moment in my day, look down
at it from up there and say it's not my life."

Joey's smile dropped abruptly and he halted in place, turning around to
face Justin. "But it wouldn't make a difference." he replied seriously.
"Pretending doesn't change anything." And he knew this to be true: wasn't
that what he'd been doing all along, taking Justin on this vacation while
withholding the truth? He'd been pretending things were still as they'd
always been. He couldn't do it anymore.

"JC didn't cheat on you."

Justin's breath caught in his throat, and he stared at Joey for the longest
moment in the Italian teen's life. Then, the last response he could have
expected:

"I know."

Joey's eyes widened. "What do you mean, 'you know'?"

Justin shrugged, his face locked in a melancholy expression. "I know he
didn't cheat on me."

"B-but... I mean, how... Why?"

"That's not what this is about." Justin explained, digging his hands into
his pockets. "I needed to get away from him. It's just..." A lengthy pause.
"Ever since I was a kid, JC was my hero. I had this perfect image of him in
my head, and that's what I fell in love with. But when I got close enough,
he turned out to be... normal. Human. Just like me."

"Just like everyone."

Justin nodded. "Yeah. But is that who I fell in love with? The real Josh
Chasez? Or was it just that fantasy I always had?"

The teen let out a soft sigh. "That's why I'm doing this. I need to figure
stuff out, and I can't do it with him hovering around me." Justin snorted
softly. "At least with Jack, part of me knew what I was getting myself
into.  He..." The tears came again, too quickly for Justin to stop them. "I
miss him, Joey... I thought I'd be over him by now, but I can't stop it..."

Joey let out a deep breath. "Jesus, what a mess. You wish he wasn't dead,
everyone else is glad he IS dead... and I just wish we'd never met him. Our
lives shouldn't be so complicated." He looked back towards the beach house.
"What do you say, let's call it a night?"

Justin smiled weakly in agreement, and they continued on their way.

As they turned the corner and reached the front door, Joey again froze in
his tracks. When Justin caught up with him and followed his gaze, he also
stopped.

There were three men sitting on the front steps of the house. Three very
familiar men, who were NOT supposed to be here.

Lance, JC and Chris.

The moment he spotted them, JC got to his feet and smiled at Justin. But
Justin merely narrowed his eyes and slowly clenched his fists.

Joey swallowed. It was going to be a long night.

To be continued...