Date: Tue, 7 Jan 2003 17:43:49 -0800 (PST) From: Iconis Subject: Irresponsible: Chapter 1 Disclaimer: I don't know any of the people in this piece of FICTION. I don't mean to imply anything about anyone, not about their sexuality, character, haircolor... and so on. Well, first story (or a beginning of a story) I've ever posted anywhere. Be kind. A word of warning: this is probably going to develop kind of slowly. I'll do my best. Feedback is desperately needed. Iconis@gay.com Irresponsible Chapter 1 I had been running as fast I could for an hour and half when my body finally collapsed. I didn't pass out - heaven forbid the world having so much mercy on me. I just found myself lying on the grass staring at the dark blue sky. There weren't any stars on the sky - well, technically there was, but I couldn't see any of them. The bright lights of the city made the stars disappear. My breath was visible, and my back was starting to ache from the cold that the ground exuded. I was surprised first snow hadn't fallen, yet. It was late November and the weather gods had graced us with ice cold water earlier today. But no snow. Disappointing really. My heart rate started to settle and my breath came less frantically than before. It wasn't the first time I'd done this, changing my clothes as fast I could after the concert, not really listening to anyone. I'd just slip out and start to run. I knew it wasn't smart - running around in a strange city, alone. I knew the management and the security people didn't appreciate me doing this but I couldn't care less about them. These small moments by myself kept me sane. For a small moment I'd allow myself to forget everything, my life and who I was, who people believed I was. What people expected of me, what I expected of me. I just concentrated on running, feeling the blood course through my veins, feeling alive. I needed to remember that. As much as I loved my work, it sometimes made me forget all the important things. I'd start taking life for granted, started to believe that the world owed me something, when the truth was something totally opposite. I slowly raised myself from the ground, the cold finally getting to me. I had no idea where I was. All I knew that I was somewhere in Chicago. Looking around in the empty clearing of the park I took a bearing which I thought might get me out of the park fastest. Crossing my fingers I started walk in the random direction that I had chosen. I groaned out loud to myself when I realized I didn't have any money with me. That meant that again, I would have to make an embarrassing phone call to Lonnie when I got out of the park. I would have to beg, plead, grovel and listen to his rants about me being irresponsible and how I should've thought about this before I took off without any cash with me and then hear him give up with a defeated grunt. As if he'd let me find my way back to the hotel by myself. It took Lonnie twenty long and windy minutes to get me after I called him. I had to beg, plead and grovel. Finally, he relented. I had given him as an accurate location as I could. And still, I had to listen him bitch and moan at me the whole ride back to the hotel. If it had been anyone else I just would have laughed and told them to fuck off, but I couldn't do that with Lonnie. He would have thrown my sorry ass back on the street, cussed at me and left me walking for a few minutes before picking me up again. "Learned your lesson, Chasez?" he'd smirk and then pat me on the back. I was smarter this time and just listened him complain, saying "sorry" and "I'll know better next time" at the appropriate moments. The ride took forever and I was ever grateful when Lon parked the car on an underground parking lot and went quiet. "I know you need to vent out sometimes, Chasez. Just please, please, try to find a safer way to do that," he said and get of the car. "I'm sorry, Lonnie. I just... You know... I'm sorry, okay?" I said with all the integrity I could muster. Lonnie turned to look at me. A grin broke on Lonnie's face. "You're so full of shit, Chasez." I walked out of the elevator and took a turn left. Third door on the right, my home for the night. Better this than the bus. I'd been lucky to get the room to myself. Well, lucky was a relative term. I rather enjoyed sharing a room with any of the guys. Joey's snoring, Justin's heavy breathing, Chris's little animal sounds and Lance's low incoherent mumbling, all that made me feel less lonely on those rare nights when I couldn't sleep. I slipped the keycard into the slot and opened the door, only to be surprised by the lights. I walked in carefully and wondered who was in my room. It would have been obvious, if I had been in my right mind. I took a few steps and saw Lance on the floor with a pile of paper in front of him, reading something. He obviously didn't hear me coming in. I stood there a while, watching him. He was engrossed in his work, occasionally scribbling something on the margins. After a few moments I cleared my throat to get his attention. No response. I coughed again. Nothing. I was ready to get worried. Lance totally overdid it sometimes - he worked himself into frenzy and when someone finally dragged him away from his papers and told him to go sleep, he'd toss and turn all night making it impossible to sleep in the same room with him. "Lance?" I said carefully. You should've seen him jump - it might have been funny if I wasn't scared about him starting to scream. "Jayce, damn it! You scared the living hell out of me!" he half-yelled. "Sorry, man. Didn't mean to. You were so deep in thought I thought I'd have to jump you for you to notice me," I apologized. "It's okay. Man, I didn't know what hit me," he laughed after a few deep breaths. "You should've seen yourself jump. Hey, put those damn papers away, Bass," I warned him when I noticed his gaze started to shift back to the papers, "none of that anymore. You look tired as hell and you've been up since six am... meaning you've been up over 20 hours." He looked up from his papers. "But it's FreeLance stuff... It needs to be done and..." Lance started. "No, Lance. You can do it tomorrow on the bus. Put those papers away. Now come on, get to bed," I said in my best fatherly tone and turned to walk into the bedroom. I stopped dead in my tracks after a few steps and turned back to Lance. "Wait a minute. What are you exactly doing in my room? You were supposed to share with Justin tonight," I asked eyeing him suspiciously. "You know Justin can't sleep with the light on and the door wouldn't close properly so I told him that I'd go into your room that he could get his sleep," Lance smiled sheepishly. "So you thought I wouldn't mind if you worked all night? Lance, you know better than that." "Yeah, yeah, I know. But I knew you were out running again so I just thought..." Lance explained. "Well, you thought wrong. Get your ass in bed." After showering, changing and brushing my teeth I walked into the dark bedroom. Thinking Lance was already asleep on the other bed I tried move as quiet as possible. Suddenly the lights clicked on. "Don't sneak on my account. It's gonna take awhile before I sleep," Lance said laying back down on the bed. "Oh, no, Lance. Have you worked too much again? You need to sleep or you're going to get sick again," I said feeling the concern rise up in me. "I know, Josh, I know. I just have so much to do and plan that it takes away my sleeping time. But hey, you sleep so much it's bound to help me, too," the smart ass grinned. "Haha, very funny, Bass. I'm serious, though. You need to sleep more. I worry about you, Lance." "As I said, I know. And you worry about everyone, Josh." "Not as much as I worry about you, Lance. I was there when you were sick, Lance, remember? I don't want you to go through that ever again. I don't want to go through it again," I said quietly. I laid myself in bed, snuggling under the covers. Lance turned the lights off. "Josh?" "Yeah?" "Thank you for caring. I know I need to take care of myself more. But now, when we're on the subject... You need to stop this little running game you've got going on." "Why, Lance? It's the only fucking chance in this world when I get time just for myself." "I totally understand that, Jayce. But you get us all worried." "You don't need to worry. You're not a part of the security team or even management, even if you'd to think that way," I smirked. "Fuck you, Chasez. You get me worried because you're family, Josh," Lance smiled then sounded serious again. "I'm scared what could happen to you on these little escapades of yours. You might injure yourself, get mugged, raped, kidnapped. Anything could happen," Lance continued quietly. "I know, Lance. I already promised Lonnie I'd find a better way to vent my frustrations." "Thank you, Josh. I don't want to lose you," he said gratefully, even though he knew this was definately not the end of it.