Date: Thu, 21 Jun 2001 22:26:35 EDT
From: FourHim821@aol.com
Subject: Re: "It's not just me" Part Two by Mandi

Part Two

Disclamer: No I don't know any of the members of NSync, nor am I any.  This
is not meant to imply anything about their sexualities, it's merely fiction;
the work of my crazy mind.  So please if you don't like homosexual relations
or can't read it for other reasons (you know I'm talking about you, so
leave).  Other wise..enjoy..

Thanks to the people who have written me, and I hope I will recieve more, all
depends on me I guess.  Anway, I really want feedback, this is the first
story I've written in this nature, so I might need some help, I am a girl, I
don't really know how guy's minds work...so...this is a big guessing game to
me.


"Tell me that you wake up crying, and not your not sure exactly why."

    The guys didn't stay out for more than an hour, for one, they were more
tired than they thought, and Lance took JC back to the hotel, saying
something like he didn't feel very well.  It wasn't far from the truth; JC
had almost thrown up because of the force of his crying, and was so tired he
fell asleep before they even got to the club.  Justin didn't stay long; he
soon got too worried about JC to have any fun, and begged Joey and Chris to
take him back to the hotel.  They agreed, being too tired to party too much,
and they came home, and everyone was asleep by midnight.

    Justin tossed and turned in his bed, he just couldn't get himself to fall
asleep.  Today during rehearsals when they were learning a new dance routine
for one of the songs off the new album, Justin turned the wrong way and ran
straight into JC.  They collided and fell onto the floor, JC pent under
Justin, and Justin making no move to get off of him.

    "Justin, buddy, can you get off of me now?" JC asked, a little out of
breath by the routine and by the weight of the younger man on top of him.
Justin looked away, blushing furiously, wanting to get away, as far away from
the situation as he could.  Justin stood up and ran out of the room, not
looking back, and not looking where he was going, and ran smack dab into the
doorway of the room.  It was the most humiliating, yet exciting thing that
had happened.  He loved the feeling of JC underneath him, loved the pressure
of his body meshed with his.  But he also knew that JC didn't like the
feeling, other wise he wouldn't have so promptly asked Justin to get off of
him.

    He thought of this as he lay in his bed, trying to catch that tiny bit of
sleep that seemed to have eluded him for so long.  He closed his eyes,
willing himself to fall into a deep slumber, and as he did, the face of JC
immediately greeted him.

*****Justin's dream****

    "Justin why," JC asked him, "why me, why did you decide to fall in love
with me?"
Justin stood there in that dark place, the whole space surrounding him was
succumbed to darkness, and all he could see were the bright blue eyes of his
best friend.  He felt the tears slid down his face, as he tried to think of
an answer to that question.

    "I don't know Jayce, it just happened ya' know.  I didn't mean for it to,
I wish it didn't, I would give anything not to feel this way." Justin cried.
    "You sick pervert, how could you even think about falling in love with
another man?" JC said, his eyes becoming more and more dark.
    "Please JC don't do this, please, your  the only one I was afraid to
tell, please don't shut me out." Justin begged.
    "I'm sorry Justin, but as far as I'm concerned, I don't have a best
friend anymore, please don't ever talk to me again, I don't want to even know
that I'm on your mind." JC said as he turned his back and walked away.
    "JC NO COME BACK, PLEASE.....DON'T LEAVE COME BACK !!!!!!!!COME BACK COME
BACK, COME BACK.!!!!!!!" Justin screamed over and over.
*****End of dream******

    Lance was taken out of his sleep by the screaming and thrashing coming
from the bed beside his.  He glanced over to see Justin thrashing around,
screaming for someone to come back, over and over.  Lance knew that if he
didn't wake him up that Justin wouldn't have a voice at all for tomorrow.  So
he trudged out of his bed over to Justin's, gently shaking the boy out of his
nightmare.  Justin woke up with a start, staring straight ahead, no aware of
Lance sitting beside him.

    "Justin, what is it, was it a nightmare?" Lance asked, pointing out the
obvious.
Justin fell apart then, he couldn't hold it all in, he reached for Lance as
he cried, he cried for everything that he was afraid he'll lose, and afraid
that he's already lost.  Lance lowered him back on the bed, letting the young
man have one restful night's sleep.

*****JC's and Joey's room******

    JC laid in bed, thinking about the screaming that he just heard from
Justin's and Lance's room, wondering what had made Justin so upset?  Maybe
one day it can be you in there soothing him, holding him close, drying his
tears.  Then he really thought about it, he could never let himself dream
like that again, he knew that that would never be a possiblity.  Justin was
as straight as they come, and Josh was sure he was still in love with
Britney.  It was then that he decided to come out to the rest of the group,
that way at least he could find a boyfriend, and try to be happy.  No longer
did he have to hide how he really feels, but one thing he knew he would keep
secret till the day he dies....his love for Justin, that is being taken to
the grave.

(Two weeks later)

    JC had told the guys two weeks ago, things seem to be normal, no one took
the news bad, but it wasn't like he told them about his son yet; that was
what he was afraid of.  But Chris just laughed, "I knew it" he said.  Joey
just sat there for a moment, laughing, JC had to admit....it was kinda funny,
one of the most desirable pop stars in the whole world, is gay.  Justin just
smiled, the biggest smile JC had ever seen.  JC didn't know the reason behind
the one hundred watt smile, but just figured it was Justin, that boy smiled
over anything.

    But tonight, JC was nervous, Justin had told him he had a real good
friend (who was like you) he said, that he wanted to set JC up with.  So JC
let himself be set up by Justin, trusting that Justin knew what he was doing.
 Justin helped JC pick out what he was going to wear, a pair of black leather
pants, and a red button up silk shirt.  JC adjusted the shirt one last time
before he walked down stairs to meet with the person that that Justin was
sure he'd (fall for).  JC sauntered down the stairs, after hearing the man
come through the front door.  He walked quietly to the doorway of the
livingroom, seeing the guys give him the drill down.  That's when JC saw him,
he had blondish reddish hair, blue eyes so light, they almost seemed like
there was no color.  He was breathless at the beauty this man held, in the
matter of five minutes Josh all but forgot Justin,  he was very attracted,
just physically, to this other man.  Just by the way the man acted Josh knew
that he would connect with him on more than just a natural level, he felt
something for him, by just being in the same room.

    The man turned to see JC in the doorway, and was breathless, he hair was
just right, his pants, tight enough, his shirt, loose, yet hugging his chest
in all the right places.  Dallas never thought that he would be physically
attracted to someone so much, but from what he heard he knew that he would
attracted to him for his mind as well.  He smiled at Justin, as he got a
forced grin back.  Justin knew what he had just done, but he knew it was for
the better.  Even if JC liked him, he knew that he would never love him,
because he knew the risk of not only being gay, but dating eachother.  He
just wanted JC to be happy, and if that meant Justin hiding his feelings for
a while, then so be it, even if it meant forever.  He got up off the couch
after Dallas and Josh left, and walked to his room, layed down on the bed and
cried.  He cried for the fact that he just made his best friend happy, and it
left him miserable; and he knew it was his own fault.