Date: Sun, 23 Dec 2001 10:29:13 -0500 From: Writer Boy Subject: jc's hitchhiker - part 35 Obligatory warnings and disclaimers: 1) If reading this is in any way illegal where you are or at your age, or you don't want to read about male/male relationships, go away. You shouldn't be here. 2) I don't know any of the celebrities in this story, and this story in no way is meant to imply anything about their sexualities, personalities, or anything else. This is a work of pure fiction. In addition to not knowing any celebrities, I feel the need to point out for the purposes of this chapter that I don't know any of their families, either. Questions and commentary can be sent to "writerboy69@hotmail.com". I've enjoyed hearing from all of you. OK, back to the sideshow in progress. *** Josh's family didn't live right in Chicago, like I had thought. They lived outside, in a very nice suburb on the lake. Their house was large, but not too big, with a garage behind and a dock and boathouse out back. Josh explained that the only thing in the boathouse was a rowboat that had come with it, and that we could take it out, but probably shouldn't go too far, as no one knew if it was very seaworthy. I had thought Josh was from the Maryland area, and he explained that his parents had moved after the band started to get big, because they wanted some normalcy returned to their lives. "Girls used to show up at our house and rip grass out of the lawn," he said, smiling. "It was bad for Heather and Tyler, too." I nodded understandingly, although I really couldn't imagine what it might be like to wake up in the morning and find people camped out on your front lawn, or looking through your trash. Josh pulled the car around the house to the garage, and I suddenly realized I was not only scared, but unprepared for this. "We'll get your bags out later," Josh said, turning toward me. "Hey, you're pale. You ok?" "Josh, I can't go in," I said. "I didn't bring anything. It's rude." He laughed, and took my hand. "Guests bring gifts, Jack," he said, kissing me on the nose. "You're family." We climbed out of the car, and Josh immediately took my hand again. "Your hand is shaking," he said. "Are you sure you're ok?" "Josh, I've never done this," I confessed. "What if they don't like me?" Josh pressed me against him, wrapping his strong arms around me. I could feel his chest, breathing against mine as we stood, cheek to cheek, in the garage. "Jack, they already like you," he said, running his hands up and down my back. "They just need to put a face with the name." Still holding my hand, Josh led me out of the garage and up the sidewalk toward the back of the house. The sky was darkening toward twilight, but the lights inside the house glowed warmly. We walked into a back hallway, and I smelled a lot of food and heard a television running somewhere in the background. "We're home!" Josh yelled, leading me into the kitchen. As we entered from one side, Josh's family, mom, dad, and brother, entered from the other, and we stopped, staring uncertainly at each other. I felt a little better, realizing that no one else quite knew how this was supposed to go, either. Josh's mom beamed at us, while his dad smiled a little uncertainly, and his brother stared me up and down, as if appraising me. "Jack, this is my family," Josh said, not letting go of my hand. "This is my mom, Karen, my dad, Roy, and my brother, Tyler. Guys, this is Jack." "Hi," I said uncertainly as they all stared at me. Stressed, I blurted the first words that popped into my head. "I forgot to bring something." Josh burst out laughing, and suddenly everyone was moving at once. Karen rushed over to me and wrapped me up in a hug as Roy and Tyler followed behind her. Josh stepped out of the way and just smiled, taking it all in. I didn't think I'd ever seen him look so happy. "It's so nice to finally meet you," Karen said, squeezing me like she wanted to snap my ribs. She stepped back, arms on my shoulders, and looked me up and down, and then hugged me again. "Joshua has told us so much about you in the past couple of days! You have to tell us all about yourself." She stepped back, and Josh's dad grabbed my hand, shaking it vigorously. I tried to squeeze his back as hard as he squeezed mine, so he wouldn't think I was some sort of pansy. "I'm Josh's dad," he said, pumping my arm up and down. "Welcome to the family, Jack. You can call me Roy." "And you can call me Mom, if you want," Karen said, peering over his shoulder. "Or Karen, if you prefer." "OK," I muttered uncertainly. I didn't come from a very physically affectionate family, and Josh's had their hands all over me, it seemed. Tyler stepped up in front of me. I'd seen pictures of him in Josh's apartment, but didn't realize he was so big. He was about twenty, but was built on a much stockier scale than Josh was. Still, you could tell they were related. He eyed me up and down again, offering his hand. "So, you're Josh's boyfriend," he said, shaking my hand. "Yeah," I answered, unsure of his tone. "That must be really awful for you," he said, smiling. "I'm so, so sorry for you." "Jerk!" Josh screeched, grabbing him in a headlock. The two of them wrestled across the kitchen as Josh screamed that he was going to give him "noogies" and rubbed furiously at Tyler's head. "Boys!" Karen said, jerking them both to a stop. She was smiling. "We have company! Tyler, come help me get dinner out. Jack, do you want to wash your face or freshen up? Joshua, show him where the bathroom is! He's been on a plane all day. I raised you to be a better host than that! And get him a drink, too." Roy wandered out of sight to shut the television off, rolling his eyes, as Josh pulled me down the hallway to a bathroom. As soon as we were inside, he shut the door, and I had time to take about one deep breath before I found his tongue in my mouth. I sighed against him, pulling his head close, oblivious to the sink digging into my back. Josh finally pulled back, and I stared into his glassy eyes. "I've been waiting to do that since the plane landed," he said. "I don't think we should do it in here, with your family right down the hall," I said. "Still scared, or do you feel better now?" he asked, smiling. "Oh, I'm still scared, but in a whole different way," I answered, smiling back. "Jerk," he said, kissing my forehead. "What are you gonna do about it?" I asked, kissing his neck. "Give me noogies?" "You wish," he laughed. We were interrupted by knocking on the bathroom door. I pulled it open, and Tyler grinned at us. "Mom says dinner is ready," he said, giggling. "Are you two making out in there?" "No!" Josh blurted as the two of us blushed bright red. "Kids," Tyler said, shaking his head as he walked away down the hall. Josh looked mortified, but I cracked up, still laughing as we joined his family at the table. Dinner was good, very laid back and friendly, and Karen and Roy made a point of explaining to me who anyone they happened to mention was. They asked a lot of questions about me, where I'd grown up, where I lived now, where I'd gone to school, and what my future plans were, among other things. They started grilling me on current events when Josh put a stop to it. "Mom, dad, is the inquisition over?" he asked, taking my hand. "Can we have dessert now?" "Josh, it's ok," I said quickly. "Really, I don't mind answering questions." "We just wanted to get to know you a little better," Roy said, shrugging. "Tyler, why don't you clear the table while I put some coffee on, and Joshua, you can unload the car and get Jack settled in upstairs," Karen suggested. "Can I help out with anything?" I asked, standing as they did. "No, of course not," Karen said, smiling. "Tonight you're still a guest." "Which means tomorrow she'll have you chopping firewood or scrubbing the bathroom," Josh said, taking my hand and leading me toward the back door. "We'll be back!" Karen had picked out the bedroom across the hall from Josh's to serve as my guestroom. As much as I wanted to share the bed with Josh, especially after being separated for so long, I also wanted to be respectful of his parents. I think Josh was worried that I might be offended, because he quickly explained that nobody got to share a bedroom with a significant other, but I quickly assured him that I didn't think his parents were silently disapproving by putting me across the hall. After we brought my bags in, we rejoined Josh's family in the dining room for coffee and pie, and then they all decided that we should play board games. We played several games of "Clue", all five of us, as I wondered how people could be so different. I had never played a board game with my family. With baby sitters, yes, but with my actual parents? No way. Eventually everyone started yawning and drifting upstairs to bed, and I followed, even though I wasn't tired. My body thought it was still several hours earlier, but I decided to just read in my room until I fell asleep. The boys hugged their parents goodnight before heading to their rooms, and Karen and Roy surprised me again by hugging me as well, telling me they'd see me in the morning. I went up and got changed, and nodded goodnight to Tyler as we passed in the hallway when I went to go brush my teeth. I had just settled into my bed in a t-shirt and boxers, sheet pulled up to my waist, and was opening my book when someone knocked on my door. "Come in," I said, and smiled when I saw it was Josh. "Hi there," he said, closing the door behind him. He sat down on the bed, on top of the covers, and leaned in to kiss me, quickly, softly, on the mouth. "You taste like toothpaste," I said, running my tongue catlike up the side of his face. "So do you," he said, leaning back against me. I loved having a man who liked to cuddle. "I just wanted to come in and tell you goodnight." "Is that all you wanted?" I asked, stroking his hair as he lay with his head against my chest. "While mom and dad are home, yes," he answered, grinning. "But once they leave the house, you're mine." "They go to work on Monday, right?" I asked. "Really early," Josh answered, his hand on my chest. "What about Tyler?" I asked. "We'll make him go outside and play," Josh answered wickedly. I laughed at the thought of his brother, a college student, being told to go outside and play. "Thank you for asking me to come out here, Josh," I said. "Thanks for coming out," he said. "I told you my parents would love you." "I know," I said, sighing. "They're great people, Josh. This is just so not like what I'm used to. I don't want them to think I'm being standoffish or something." "They won't," Josh said, staring up at me. "I told them about your family. It won't be like that here, I promise." "I love you, Josh," I said, and suddenly found myself with tears welling up in my eyes. Josh saw them, and flicked a hand up to my cheek, wiping one of them away. "Jack?" he asked, sitting up. He pulled me forward, wrapping his arms around me, and I laid my head on his shoulder as he smoothed his hands in circles over my back. "Jack, what's wrong? Please tell me." I didn't know what was wrong. I just suddenly felt like crying. "I don't know, Josh," I answered. "I guess I just, you know, I missed you a lot, and it's been a really bad week." "It's ok, Jack, I'm here now," he said. "Everything will be ok. Do you want to talk about it?" "In the morning, Josh," I said, swiping at my eyes with my hand. "We can talk about it all tomorrow, when you're awake, and I've had a good night's sleep." "Ok," he said, snuggling back against me. We stayed like that for a while, until he began to nod off, and I sent him back across the hall to his bed, telling him I wasn't getting in trouble with mom and dad on my first night here. We kissed goodnight, twice, in the dark hallway. When I went back to my room, I checked my phone, which I had turned off for a while, and found voice messages from Carla, Joey, Chris, and Lance, all wishing me luck. I wanted to cry all over again, and wondered again what was wrong with me. The week must have hit me a lot harder than I thought. When I woke up the house was quiet. I took a quick shower and got dressed, and walked quietly downstairs. I had slept a lot later than I usually would have, and felt bad. What if they had a family breakfast or something, and I missed it? That wasn't a good way to make an impression. I walked quickly to the kitchen, not seeing anyone, but I smelled coffee. "There are cups in the cabinet to the left of the sink," Karen said from behind me. "Thanks," I said. I hadn't seen her sitting at the little side table, reading the paper. "Good morning." "Good morning, Jack," she said, watching me over the top of her page. "How did you sleep?" "Good, thank you," I said, pouring myself a cup of coffee. "It's quiet. Where is everyone?" "Tyler wanted to go shopping, and Roy went with him," she answered. "Josh is out back somewhere, with the dog. Jack, why don't you come sit with me for a minute?" "Sure," I said, joining her at the table. She lowered the paper, and smiled at me. "Jack, how do you feel about my son?" she asked. "I love him," I answered, not hesitating. "Good," she said, smiling. "I'm a mother, Jack, and while all mothers love their children and want them to be happy, I like to think that I love mine even more than most. I like you, Jack, which is good, but Josh loves you, and that's even better. Jack, Josh has told me about you two, and while I think he's left out a few parts that he probably thought his old mom didn't need to hear, I can read between the lines. I can also read the things behind the things he says, Jack. Josh loves you more than I've ever seen him love anyone, and now that I've seen you, and watched the way you look at him, I can see that it goes both ways." I didn't know what to say. "Jack, Joshua told me that you were worried about coming to meet us," she continued. "He also told me that he was pretty worried about coming to tell us, and that you supported him fully on whatever he decided. I just want you to know that Roy and I talked about this after Josh told us, and again last night, and you have our blessing. We've seen a few girls come in and out of Josh's life, and even though you're the first boy we figured the same rules still apply. You seem like a pretty level person, and you have your own life. Whatever you want from Josh, it isn't to use him to get yourself somewhere." "I, um, thank you," I said. "All I want is for Josh to be happy. I don't want anything from him except for what he wants to give me." "I was hoping you'd say something like that. And now, if you want to top off your coffee, you'll probably find my son out on the other side of the boathouse," she said, picking the paper up again. "And just in case you didn't notice, none of the neighbors can see you from there, so feel free to be yourselves." Did she just give us permission to make out behind the boathouse? I decided not to think about it as I filled my cup to the top and carried it carefully through the backyard. I heard the dog barking off behind the boathouse, and carefully walked around the side, praying I wouldn't slip and slide into the lake. God only knew how filthy the water was. Josh was sitting on a big, double bench swing on the other side, tossing a ball across the lawn. The dog, whose name I had missed, retrieved it, and Josh threw it again. "Morning," I said, walking up behind him. "Is there room on that bench for me?" "If there wasn't, you could sit on my lap," he answered as I slid down next to him. Josh put an arm around my shoulders, and handed me the ball with his other hand. I tossed it across the yard, and watched as the dog ran after it. "He's just going to want you to throw it again," Josh said. "That's ok," I said. "I like dogs." "We should get one," Josh said, tossing the tennis ball again. I looked away. "Jack?" "I'm sorry, Josh," I said, sipping my coffee. "This is just going to be really hard for me. I kept some stuff from you, and I did it because I thought I was protecting you, but I think I still should have told you all along." Josh sighed, and took my hand. "Jack, do you remember when I told you about dancing with those guys, and letting them kiss me?" he asked, turning my head toward his, so that I was staring right into his eyes. I nodded. "Do you remember what you said to me?" "That I didn't mind?" I asked. "No, before that, before I even told you," he said. "You told me that even if it was something you didn't want to hear, you needed to hear it anyway, because we needed to be honest with each other. I want to tell you the same thing, Jack, right now. Whatever it is you're about to say, just tell me. I'll stay here the whole time, and I won't scream at you, and I won't get mad, and we'll just get through it and past it, just like you did for me, ok?" "OK," I said, squeezing his hand. Having two enormous secrets to share, it was hard for me to choose between them, but in the end I decided to prioritize, and start with the one that most directly affected Josh and I, so I told him about Peyton's letters. I started at the beginning, with the one that had come to my apartment, and took him all the way up through the last one, and then the scene at the diner, and the part about Basil Morgan and his stupid exclusive story. I explained about how I had hid the letters from him, because at first I didn't think they were serious, and then later on how it never seemed like a good time to bring it up. I talked about how I thought I was protecting him, but how things had just gotten worse, and then I told him how I began to suspect everyone, and to lose sight of my objectivity. I explained about the fight with Chris, and my mini-breakdown with Joey, and how the two of them had snuck around behind my back to pull me through it. At some point during the story, I realized that I was crying again, not great, body-shaking sobs, but little trickles, and I couldn't seem to stop them. Through it all, Josh kept one arm around my shoulders, and kept holding onto my hand. He continued to push the swing gently back and forth with his foot. The dog, apparently giving up on fetch after the two of us forgot to keep throwing the ball, lay at our feet, the tennis ball between his two front paws. Each time the swing drifted closer to him, his tail would wag once, as if he was sure we were about to reach down and pick the ball up again. I smiled at his hopefulness. Abruptly the words just stopped flowing from my mouth, and I realized I'd reached the end of that half of my story. Josh stared at me, his face twisted, brow wrinkled, and he carefully wiped my tears away with his fingers again. "Josh, what are we going to do?" I asked. "About Basil Morgan?" he asked. I nodded. "That can wait," he said. "You went through all of that, all that worrying and being afraid, because you didn't want to upset me?" "Yes," I said, looking away. He squeezed my hand. "I thought it was nothing, and that since it was directed at me that I could handle it, and it wouldn't ever be a problem for you at all." "Jack, if it's a problem for you, then it's a problem for me," Josh said. "You don't ever have to protect me from anything, and you never, ever have to face something alone. I've told you before, Jack, you are my heart. That doesn't just count when we're having dinner, or watching TV, or making love. You and I are together, we're one. Even though we're not married, you're stuck with me, Jack, and that includes the bad times, too." "But I hid that from you," I said. "You're not mad?" "I'm not happy about it, no, but I'm not mad at you, exactly," Josh said, pulling me tighter against him. "I guess I've just spent so much time leaning on you that I never showed you that you can lean on me, too. I have to ask you something, though. I watched your face when you told me that story, Jack. Do you still love Peyton?" I thought about this for a minute, trying to put the words together. "I don't think I ever loved Peyton, not the real one," I said. "I loved the idea of Peyton, the boy I thought was there. Peyton was the first boy I ever really thought I loved, Josh, and it blinded me. When I was with him, I only saw what I wanted to see, and most of the time that was just what he wanted me to see. Even still, that's not the kind of thing that you ever really let go of, not completely." Josh sighed. "The other day, though, when I saw him, I realized something else, too," I continued. "The part of Peyton that I loved, the thing I thought I saw in him, died a long, long time ago. It may not have ever been there at all. I'm sorry he's in so much pain, and I'm sorry he's dying, but that's all I felt when I looked at him. That's all I saw. Just that I was sorry. Whatever I might have felt for him before is in the past, on the far side of a wall I can't climb over. I've moved on, even if he never has. And even when I was with him, Josh, even when I thought the whole world revolved around what he wanted and what made him happy, I never felt, not even for a minute, what I feel every second of every day that I'm with you." "You mean that?" he asked, kissing my forehead. "Josh, I loved a part of him," I said. "But it was only a part. I am a part of you. I love all of you." We sat on the swing in silence again, leaning on each other. "What about the rest of it, Josh?" I asked. "Basil Morgan is going to out you. He knows about us, and at some point he's going to have more than rumor to back it up. What are we going to do about it?" "I don't know," Josh answered. "I need to think about that. I do know that we're never giving him that story. Never." "Nope," I agreed. "I'm sorry you had all of that happen, Jack," Josh began, but I cut him off. "That's not all, Josh, and you're really not going to want to hear the rest of this," I said, wishing I didn't have to tell him. It was bitterly ironic that I had lectured Justin about the truth setting people free, and now all I wanted to do was bury it. "Josh, Lance is in a hospital." "What?" he asked, eyes wide with concern. "Is he ok?" "He will be," I answered. "For now, he's out of the immediate crisis." "The immediate crisis?" Josh asked, confused. "Does he have some disease or something? How did he end up in the hospital?" "I took him," I answered. "I was afraid of what he might do to himself." "Do to himself? You mean like," Josh began, but his voice trailed off. I nodded gravely at him. "But why? Why would he do that? I know he was unhappy, but never like that. What happened? Why would he want to do that to himself?" I swallowed, wishing I hadn't finished my coffee during the last story. "Because of Justin," I said quietly. "What?" Josh blurted. "He almost did it because of Justin," I repeated. I told Josh the whole story, leaving nothing out, and watched his face twist as I described what I had seen, and how it had made me feel. I told him about my chats with Justin, and my observations of Justin's behavior. I had thought that I'd cried out all my tears during the last story, but somehow fresh ones came to my eyes when I talked about the talk I had on Lance's bathtub with him, and I looked over and realized that Josh was crying, too. I finally finished tell it, much quicker than I would have thought possible, and Josh turned to me. "Jack, that can't be true," he said. "Justin wouldn't do that, he couldn't be like that." "Josh, I saw it," I said, shaking my head. "I saw it, and he bragged to me about it afterward." "No, Jack, you have to be mistaken somehow," Josh said, shaking his head. "You have to be." "No mistake, actually," Justin said from behind us. We both spun, jumping out of the swing, and the dog jumped up, too. "Every word Jack just told you is true." "Justin, what are you doing here?" I asked, completely baffled. Where had he come from? "I came to tell the truth, like you said," Justin answered. "I thought." He didn't get to tell us what he thought, because he was cut off by Josh's tackle. "You son of a bitch!" Josh yelled, punching Justin in the stomach. Eyes wide, Justin skittered back away from Josh, stepping onto the dock. "Josh, stop!" I yelled, grabbing for his arm. He jerked away from me, lunging for Justin. "Motherfucker!" Josh yelled, tackling him. The two of them rolled off the end of the dock, and into the lake. The water closed over them. *** More to come soon.