Disclaimer: This is a work (or attempt at least) of fiction. All names
and characterizations here are of people both make believe, living,
dead, or somewhere in between is just that - fiction. If they happen
to have the same name, characteristics, or overall similarities like
someone from a Boy Band or two, than it's completely coincidental with
the people that I have within my twisted little head! If this
explanation is too cerebral for you, then maybe this will be a little
clearer --This ain't real, I made it all up! For the small Redneck
population that can read - no read here, no sibs getting it on with Dad
or the family dog (this includes sissy) here so scram.
Please note: You will not find any gratuitous, superficial, or hot
monkey sex in this story. This is going to be a romance, not a beat off
story so don't expect two characters to meet, say hi, and rip each
other's clothes off, and screw their little brains out. I have yet to
see it or have it happen to me in real life (unfortunately) so it isn't
going to happen here. There will be sex, but I will infer it and leave
most of it up to your dirty little minds. I bet most of you out there
can come up with stuff a LOT kinkier and nastier than I can so it will
be kept in your more capable hands so to speak. Just don't mess up the
keyboard too much. It can get expensive replacing the keyboard week
after week because the keys are always sticking together - trust me!
You have been warned!
Lastly, if it is illegal for you to read this here attempt at a story where
you may live, move the hell out of where you live to a more tolerant
part of the world. If you are ugly as sin then DON'T move to New York
State. I want some eye candy for cripes sakes! If you are too young to
read this where you live, again move or get a fake ID to prove your
age. If neither of these are practical, get the old pervert down the
street with all the porn on his computer to print it out for you and
sneak it in your house. Just don't get me involved!
Legal Info: This story and all it's contents is copyright (c) 2001 Jojoe@nycap.rr.com. Rights are granted ONLY to the Nifty Archive
Alliance (Nifty.org) as well as Alt Sex Stories Gay Moderated (ASSGM)
for the sole purpose of posting to their archives for others to read.
ANY unauthorized posting without the author's expressed WRITTEN consent
will be dealt with legally. Another words, if you want to share the
story ASK ME FIRST!
Author's notes to follow at the end of the chapter. Please visit my website at: www.slashstories.com
thought I would be begging for email, but guess what, I am.
I haven't received ANY comments or feedback (except Lost in #boybands,
thanks buddy! Read his story by the way, it's good.) about the story after
the last chapter, either good or bad.
anyone out there reading this story anymore?
The reason why I'm asking is if there isn't anyone out there reading
this, I will rap it up. I'm not
one of the gifted writers that can write pages on end without even trying, it
takes time and effort for me to write this, as well as time and effort for DJ to
edit this as well. I am not asking
for a huge critique or anything along those lines, just a quick note saying
`like the story – keep it up' or `your story sucks donkey balls, get out
now' is fine. I wouldn't even
mind a `where the f**k is the next chapter, get off your lazy ass!' now and
then either. Thanks!
– Yes, I know that Lances' birthday was a few weeks past and the tour
already started, but this chapter was originally meant to come out a couple of
days after it. This chapter took a
little longer to write than I expected so the time is a little off.
Sorry about that and it should be back on track in chapter 7.
Chapter 5 - To Be or Not To Be
James and I walked out the back door onto the patio. We both gravitated to the swing that was over in the corner of the deck. Hmm, he must like swings and rockers as much as I do. There is nothing that I can think of that is so relaxing or conductive to thinking as swinging or rocking (well except for maybe a great massage or sex).
We just sat there for a couple of minutes quietly, getting ourselves under control and our thoughts together. When the silence moved from comfortable to strained, I decided to take the proverbial bull by the horns and get started.
"James," I started, getting his attention. "How much of the conversation did you hear between Joey and I?"
"The whole thing" was his reply. "I wasn't purposely listening in on the conversation between you. When I left the sitting room after what you said,
I went into the dining room to collect myself and figure a few things out.
You and Joey were standing right outside the door when you started talking.
I was trying to make a graceful exit when you noticed me."
Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. That mantra started running through my mind. In a way I didn't want him to know that much about my feelings for him until I had them more under control and knew more of what I wanted. I also wanted to figure out if seeing him would effect working with him. My main concern was, after all, I'd only known James for 3 days for cripes sakes.
Were my feelings for him true? I just wasn't sure.
Well I decided, no backing down now. I took a deep breath and steeled my nerves and resolve. I figured now that the cat was out of the bag I might as well let him know. I knew this was his birthday party, and didn't want to ruin that, but I didn't want to leave it hanging any longer either. It would only get harder with time.
"James, I need to tell you a couple things, and I would like to get them all out at once before I loose my nerve. You can ask me anything you like when I am finished, but please let me get this out."
"Ok" he said, "I won't interrupt, but I do think we need to clear up a few things. There are a couple things I need to tell you as well."
"Ok, it's a deal" I answered.
"Good" he answered back, giving me a small shy smile in the process. Just that little gesture put me almost at ease. I had hope that this would turn out all right seeing that.
I put my hand on his knee to emphasize what I was about to tell him as well as give me a little more courage. I could almost feel comfort radiating though that touch. "James, first of all I want to apologize for what I said about the leather pants and all that in there. That was uncalled for and I'm sorry."
James looked like he was going to interrupt me and I wouldn't let him. "Stop right there. You don't know how upset I am about what I said. I had no right to embarrass you like that. Don't tell me it's all right either. You left the room upset and were obviously crying. There is no excuse for that. Like you heard me tell Joey, my mouth overruled my brain and I hurt you in the process. That was not my intention at all. I was nervous about meeting the guys and I just continued on when I knew to stop, and that I was taking it too far. Please accept my apology."
"Apology accepted" James said and he followed it up with one of his heart melting smiles. "I know you wanted me to wait until you were done but I want to say this. Yes you hurt me when you said that, but mostly my reaction was from embarrassment. I tend to be a private person even though it doesn't always show in most situations. You shocked me, and I didn't expect that from you when you said that. My guard was down and it just seemed to hit home a little too closely when I wasn't expecting it."
"Thank you James for accepting the apology, and it won't happen again. If I does, you have my permission to beat me senseless." With a twinkle in my eye I added "just don't throw me to a pack of your prepubescent female fans. I wouldn't stand a chance" I quipped.
"Oh, kinky. I might enjoy that!" he shot at me.
"Pervert" I shot right back, lightening the mood a little. "I'm going to apologize to the guys as well. I don't want to start with a bad impression with them seeing I am going to be spending so much time with all of them. Chris seems ok so far, and Joey is a sweetheart, but the feelings I get from JC and Justin are that they aren't quite comfortable with me yet."
"They'll be fine" James cut in. "Just give them some time to get to know you, and just be yourself. It will become clear why they are a little reserved in a bit. It's not my place to tell you now what it is, but you'll probably find out soon enough."
"There is something else we need to talk about as well," I continued. It was now or never. James just shook his head yes that he understood and gave me his undivided attention. It didn't escape me either that he put his hand over mine on his knee as well. "You also heard what I told Joey about some of my feelings for you, about them not being very professional?" I asked James.
"Yes I did," he answered matter of fact. I looked up at him seeing I was previously focused on our hands and we locked eyes. We stayed like that for a minute or so - until I mentally shook myself, broke the gaze and went on.
"I won't lie to you James, I am starting to have some feelings for you. You obviously know that I'm gay. I can't explain my feelings any other way than what I said to Joey, and speaking of that I still can't believe that I told him.
That's not like me at all. It was the truth when I said that you make me feel safe and completely at ease around you. I'm even at ease with myself like a calmness has come over me. I feel like I'm complete for once in my life. I don't know how else to explain it, but that's as close as I can come with words. I have known you for 3 days and I have never, EVER been this happy or content before in my life. To be honest, it's a little scary. You unlocked a part of me that I didn't even know I had."
I took a breath and continued before I lost my nerve "this is all so new to me. I know I'm your employee now and that just adds to the tangled web that my emotions are weaving. I know that we should keep our relationship strictly on a professional and friendly basis and I don't know if I can keep them that way, but there is something that seems to draw me to you and that worries and excites me all at the same time."
I took a quick pause to let what I just said sink in and then continued. "The thing that is really scaring me is I'm actually talking to you about this. I tend to shy away from these types of conversations. I'm not the kind of person to freely talk about how I'm feeling and usually keep my feelings to myself. Not with you though. It's almost like there is something pushing me to tell you, as well as pushing me towards you."
Thankfully he kept quiet and let me continue without interrupting. "I really want the job," I added after I let what I just told him sink in. "It's a challenge that I really want to undertake but I also would like to pursue my feelings for you as well, if you're willing of course. It's almost like I am being torn in two. I just don't know what to do anymore" I finished with a twinge of anguish in my voice adding, "I'll also understand if you would like to reconsider the job offer after what I just said. I just couldn't start without laying everything out on the table. It would feel like I was lying to you."
I finally looked up from my hands a second time after my speech at James' face. Thank god I didn't see anger, hurt or disappointment in his eyes. He hadn't moved his hand and I was taking that as a good sign. The surprising thing actually was that his face didn't show much emotion at all. It would make a pretty good poker face. His eyes were another matter entirely. The myriad of emotions they showed were quite interesting. I was biting the inside of my lip waiting for James to process what I just said and say something, anything to let me know what he was thinking. He just looked off over my shoulder not really focusing on anything while what I said churned around in his head.
About a minute or so later James seemed to come to a decision. It was very interesting to see, as the poker face was instantly replaced with one of relief, determination and excitement. He noticed the look of concern and nervousness that I was displaying when he looked at me and gave me a little smile to put me at ease. Needless to say my heart was in my throat and I took a breath not realizing I had been holding it in.
"Thank you Jojo for being so open and honest with me about everything. You don't know how refreshing that is. I hope we never lose that between us"
James said with a serious and touched look on his face. "As for your job" he continued, and then squeezed my hand emphasizing what he was going to say next "the job is still yours and that won't change. You are the best person for the position and nothing so far that you have said or done has made me change my mind."
"Thank you James, that means a lot to me" I said in reply, inwardly letting out a sigh.
"You're welcome" he replied with a grin. His face took on the serious look again as he continued with "now, about you having feelings for me." James took a deep breath and continued on while I got a lump the size of a basketball in my throat that threatened to rob me of my consciousness. "I would be lying if I said I didn't have feelings for you as well. There was something in your voice that sparked something deep in me during your phone interview a couple of weeks ago, and it has grown from that point on. You captured my attention then, but captured the rest of me during the interview. The big question is, where do we go from here?"
"I know exactly what you mean James," I added. "To be honest I haven't really dated nor have I had any kind of a serious relationship. Up until now I've never found the right guy to be serious with. I don't give my heart freely, but when I do, I give it completely along with my trust. I also want to make it clear that if we do start a relationship, I want it to go slow. I don't want sex before a lifetime commitment either, as I view sex as an extension of that love as well as the ultimate gift and expression of love that I could give you. I'm also a diehard old-fashioned kind of guy and if we start seeing each other, you should be prepared to be romanced! I'm talking notes and flowers when unexpected kind of romance. I thought I should get that all out in the open so there wouldn't be any misunderstandings."
"No, to be honest those are pretty much my sentiments on dating as well"
James added. "I will admit I have dated a couple of times in the past, but nothing serious. I do feel the same way you do about going slow as well as dating. We have a whole lifetime to get to know each other, so why rush it?"
"James, you took the words right out of my mouth!" I said giving James a smile. "I do promise that work will be just that, work. When I'm on the clock I will be professional and do my job. Our relationship, if we decide to pursue it further, will not be a factor. When we are off the clock on personal time I will be the cute cuddly teddy bear that I usually am."
"Oh, now it's getting deep out here" he snickered at my teddy bear comment.
"Hey! Be nice" I whined back.
"Ok, but you deserved that," he said with a chuckle.
"So, does this mean we are going to start dating?" I asked James giving him my most irresistible face I could muster. It sounded like we were headed that way, but I needed a definite answer. I didn't want there to be any misunderstandings.
"Yeah, I guess so" James managed to get out in an exasperated voice, but his eyes and face gave away his true feeling, excitement.
"Yeah!" I exclaimed, doing one of those arm pump things, then gave James a huge hug.
"A little excited aren't we?" he asked with mirth in his voice.
"Oh yeah!" I practically shouted then got control of myself again. "Oh" I continued after breaking the hug (and it was a damn nice hug as well I might add!) "Are we going to tell the guys tonight or wait?"
"No, I think it would be better if we wait a couple weeks or so before we do. I might tell Joey sooner though, as he looked a bit concerned about me leaving the room earlier. He'll be cool about it though." James answered.
"Yeah I noticed that about Joey. His reputation has him pegged as a ladies man and aloof, not to mention a little flaky, but from what I saw so far tonight he's anything but that. He was very perceptive about our feelings for each other, and he only met me about an hour ago. I have a gut feeling that we are going to become really close friends," I added the last part almost as an afterthought.
"Yeah I think you will too," James added. "I think you two actually have a lot in common and not because you are both Italian. Of all the guys in the group I am actually the closest to Joey. When I get too serious when I'm in business mode he's right there to remind me how to laugh and relax, and when I need a shoulder to cry on he is usually the first one to offer his. He is also a great listener. You just can't help but love the big lug."
We just sat there in silence thinking about all that was said and letting it digest. It was one of the most peaceful times I have ever had. We were just sitting there together swinging on the swing, listening to the birds and crickets making their noise in the background with James sitting beside me on the swing not having to say a word. Our hands that initially started out with his hand over mine giving me comfort had now changed to one of fingers entwined in the way two people who had feelings for each other held them to exchange those feelings. If I had to sum the moment up in one word, the first one to come to mind would be 'perfect'.
After about five minutes I broke the silence with a simple "Thank you Booboo" to James.
"You're welcome. Now what are you thanking me for and why did you just call me Booboo?" James asked with a puzzled look on his face.
"Thank you for being you" I told him. "Thank you for giving me the chance with the job, thank you for your friendship, but most of all thank you for changing my life and making me the happiest guy in the word" I told him answering his question. "I called you Booboo because I tend to give people I really care about nicknames as a way to show that status, and Booboo fits you. Do you remember the Yogi Bear cartoons when we were younger?" I asked.
"Yeah, I used to watch them all the time when I was growing up. I loved watching those cartoons, why?" James answered.
"So did I. You just remind me of Booboo in the cartoon. He was the cute cuddly teddy bear of a character, loyal to his friend Yogi, didn't point out or make fun of his friend's shortcomings, was smarter than most as well as witty with a good sense of humor. I think it pretty much sums you up as well," I told him.
"I like it! I like it a lot!" he answered with the biggest smile I have ever seen. He then leaned over and gave me a quick kiss on the lips. It wasn't very passionate, but it wasn't meant that way. It was perfect for the moment and a promise of things to come. The electricity that flowed through it was enough to surprise the both of us though.
All you heard after he ended the kiss was "Whoa!" quietly from the both of us. Then we started to laugh. Yep, just about perfect.
The next thing I heard was someone clearing his or her throat. Both of us looked up and saw a grinning Joey standing there looking at the both of us with a shit-eating grin on his face.
"It looks like I don't have to ask how your 'little talk' went!" Joey said with a hint of a chuckle. "Should I start picking out china patterns?"
"No you don't!" James added with a chuckle. "And don't start gloating either!"
"Who me, I never gloat. What would give you the idea that I did?" Joey asked with an innocent look on his face.
"Yeah sure Joey, like I REALLY believe that! By the way, that choir boy look doesn't become you" I said, agreeing with James and laughing.
"Everything is fine Joey. Jojo and I had a talk and we straightened everything out. We also decided to start dating."
"I knew it!" Joey exclaimed. "Lance, I knew you were interested in Jojo.
It was written on your face whenever you talked about him, but I wasn't sure about how he felt for you. I noticed a couple of times the way he was looking at you tonight while we were talking and I had a feeling he was interested. I'm really happy for the both of you. It's about time you had a love life Scoop."
"Yeah Joe, but I was waiting until the right guy came along. He finally did" James added, getting an 'ahhhh' from Joey and a blush from me.
"Hey Joe, could you do me a favor?" James asked.
"Yeah Scoop, name it" Joey answered.
"Could you please keep our dating to yourself for a couple of weeks please.
I know the guys won't have a problem with it, but I want them to get to know
Jojo a little better before we tell them."
"Yeah Lance, no problem. I understand completely. Your secret's safe with me."
"Hey, we better head back inside, we've been out here a while and the guys are probably wondering what's going on" I mentioned.
"Come on lets go" James said as we both got up together. The three of us walked back in the house, James and I still holding hands until we got the door to the sitting room where we casually let them drop as we walked into the room.
I noticed that the rest of the guys were still there chatting with everyone that was left. I noticed that Johnny Wright and some of the others that came for the surprise had already left leaving the other guys and Justin's parents. All eyes turned to James and myself wondering what happened. I figured that this was as good of time as any to apologize to the rest of the guys.
"Hey guys, I want to apologize for what I said earlier. Chris, I am sorry that I ragged on you. I also apologized to James in private, but wanted to say it again in front of the rest of you as well. I'm sorry for what I said. I let my nervousness about meeting all of you cloud my judgment. I knew to stop the joking but let my mouth keep going when I should have stopped. It won't happen again." I made sure that when I was speaking I made eye contact with all five of them.
The five of them were gracious enough to accept it, and we broke out into small talk for another 5 minutes or so until Justin's mom let us know that dinner was ready. I noticed that JC and Justin were also a little warmer towards me as well.
Damn was it a good dinner - Mrs. Harless can cook! I've always been a fan of country cooking, and she was a master. Over her objections I helped her clear the table. My mother raised me right and I always dug in and helped after a meal. She relented when I mentioned that and gave me a smile. We had cake and ice cream and retired to the living room to relax and talk.
I noticed that Mr. and Mrs. Harless (I still couldn't call them Roy and Lynn no matter how hard I tried and they insisted - those damn manners again) were talking quietly with James, Chris and Joey were picking on each other with an insult throwing contest laughing their asses off. I found myself talking with JC and Justin.
"JC" I asked, "is it ok if I refer to you as Josh instead of JC? I'm having the same problem with calling you JC as I do with calling James, Lance. It just doesn't seem to fit your offstage persona."
He thought for a minute then answered, "Yeah Jojo, I think I'd like that. Most of my friends call me Josh, and I feel that we've started a friendship tonight."
"Thanks Josh, that means a lot to me."
The three of us were talking for 10 more minutes or so more when I just had to ask them. Now before you go thinking I was going to make an ass out of myself again, I learned my lesson. Talking to them I noticed that Josh and Justin were outwardly calm and relaxed, but there seemed to be a little undercurrent between them. I finally had to ask. My 'mothering' instinct kicked in and if I could help or not I had to offer.
"Hey guys, I don't want to but in where I am not wanted, but I have to ask, are you two ok?" I asked reluctantly.
"What do you mean?" Justin asked a little defensively. I could understand where it was coming from so I didn't let it affect me.
"Please don't take this the wrong way guys, but I get the feeling that you two are in a relationship with each other and that something just happened recently between you two" I said trying to show as much sympathy and understanding in my voice and expression as I could.
Justin and Josh looked at each other for a minute or so, not speaking with words but you could see that they were having a silent conversation with their eyes. Josh was the one who spoke first this time.
"What makes you sure that we're in a relationship?" he asked me.
"That's a fair question. A few things actually. First, my gaydar is 99% correct, and I get steady beeps from the both of you. Second, the way you two were looking at each other tonight at different times. They conveyed more emotion that one would expect from friends. Lastly, when I joked earlier about
Justin's hip actions when he dances, and how he must have some really strong hip muscles, Josh mumbled very quietly under his breath 'he sure does!' I normally wouldn't have heard it, but I was looking for reactions when I said it and caught it. I just added it all up," I told them. "One thing you don't have to worry about though is that I tend to be a little more observant than the average person. Most people wouldn't even think anything of it because they know you guys are all so close."
Another quick conversation with their eyes and they seemed to come to a decision. Justin spoke up this time. "We'll be around you a lot from now on, so no use in hiding it. Lance also trusts you so that says a lot about you as well. Yes Josh and I are a couple. We have been for the last couple of years actually," he said.
"That's great! You two make a good couple. Your personalities compliment each other. You seem like you have a very loving relationship."
"Thanks Jojo, we appreciate that" Justin stated, seeming to warm up a little more towards me.
Josh jumped in the conversation with "We've had a rocky couple of months lately, but we are committed to each other and our relationship. I went and visited a friend of mine in Canada to get some perspective with everything and Nick helped me see things a little more objectively."
Justin chuckled a little and added "yeah, and it took me a little more 'effort' to get me to see the light so to speak."
"Don't remind me Justin. I could have lost you" Josh added with a shudder from the memory.
I had to ask, "What happened?"
"I got hit be a car a couple of weeks ago. Nothing serious other than a concussion and some stiffness and bruises but it was the push I needed to realize what I could have lost with Josh."
"I'm sorry to hear about you getting hurt, but it's good to hear that you worked everything out" I told them sincerely. "If either of you ever need someone objective to talk to for some advice or just to vent, please don't hesitate to ask. I won't judge you and sometimes someone outside of your inner circle can give you a fresh perspective you didn't consider. Don't say anything about it now; just remember that the offer is good anytime ether of you might need it."
About this time it was getting late, and everyone decided to call it a night. I had a flight to catch tomorrow and still needed to stop by the office to get all the loose ends taken care of with James.
On the way home James and I talked about how the night ended. I told him a little about the conversation I had with Josh and Justin and that we were getting closer as well as telling me that they were going out together and what recently happened, and he seemed pleased. We purposely kept the conversation away from my flight back home to wrap up loose ends and pack. We seemed to silently agree that we wanted to keep tonight upbeat.
Dropping me off in front of the hotel, James took my hand and said, "I'm glad we had this night. I have a very good feeling about us."
"I am too James. Dreams really do come true sometimes when you aren't really expecting them." I said squeezing his hand a little at the same time to emphasize the point. I will see you in the morning" then reached over and gave him a quick kiss on the lips.
"Goodnight and sweet dreams" he added with a look of longing. He didn't want the night to end, and neither did I.
"Oh believe me Booboo, I will. Only pleasant dreams of you." and closed the car door. Yeah I know I was getting mushy, but damn it I was allowed. Tell me you wouldn't be too if you were in my shoes!
I made my way up to my room floating about 2 inches above the floor, or so it seemed, only stopping at the front desk to set up a wake up call for the morning. After getting to my room and going through my normal bedtime routine almost on autopilot, I slipped into bed and almost immediately fell into a deep, relaxed sleep of someone content and happy. I fell asleep thinking of my new boyfriend, and how he would be thinking of me. For once in a long time everything was perfect.
(To be continued.)
First of all, I want to thank DJ for his wonderful editing. I also want
to congratulate him on his recent graduation! I realize the last couple of
weeks have been hell, but look on the bright side, real life after school is a
thousand time tougher! LOL. DJ also wrote a couple of small stories,
and I just happen to have added them to my site. If you haven't read them,
please do. Also send DJ a note kicking him in the ass to get his ass in
gear and get a multi-chapter story going.
Also of importance, the history I am
using for Justin and Josh's relationship I am 'borrowing' from another
story. The story is "Inside Myself" by the lovely and talented
(and blond) DJ, who just happens to be my editor. If you would like to
read the whole history, then click here
and you will be brought to it. I highly recommend it.
Chapter 6 is
already written and sent off to DJ for editing, and chapter 7 is already
started. I had a little extra time believe it or not and got them
done. You will also notice that this chapter is quite a bit bigger than
all the rest, and chapter 6 is is even bigger! As a bonus to the fans of
this story, I will be posting the next chapter a day or 2 earlier on my website
for those who can't wait. Look for it towards the end of the week.