Date: Sat, 02 Jun 2001 06:04:56
From: M. F. Luder <jmfluder@hotmail.com>
Subject: Boyband. Just the truth. Chapter 14

People!

Yes, I know, this chapter was suppose to be out like... two months ago, I
just hope someone remembers that this story still exists. I'm really sorry
about the delay, but college really sucks. Since March 12th I just hadn't
been able to focus all my time in the story because, well, classes take most
of my day. And then, to make matters worse, mid terms kick in. Let me tell
you that week was from hell!

I hope the next chapter will be a lot sooner than this one, but I can't
promise anything. It seems like the more I write, the more difficult it
becomes for me to keep writing. Maybe it's because the story in itself gets
a little bit more complicated, or maybe it's because I just don't have as
much free time as I used to.

Ok, I don't know them (but I've already asked Kevin as my
next birthday present). I have no idea who they like. And I'm making no
profit whatsoever at writing this story. You can check out my wallet, I'm
broke. This has nothing to do with reality, expect the fact that Kevin is
drop dead gorgeous - I mean, after the More than that video, who can think
differently? Does that boy look good with long hair and cowboy hat or what?!

If you wanna read some other stories of mine, then feel free to drop by at
my place:

www.geocities.com/sdlucly/

I hope you guys can take a minute of your time and let me know what you
think of the story. You know, how you feel about the characters and
everything. You can send me an email at: jmfluder@hotmail.com I'll write you
back as soon as I can. Yep, I always answer the feedback I get.

I wanna thank two people who are just amazing. The two people who deal with
me and can actually manage.

Karen. Doll, you're great. It's amazing everything you have to put up with.
Sometimes I even think it's my imagination, that somehow I've created you
and you're gonna disappear at the blink of an eye. Thanks for being my
friend.

J. Darling! You made most of the changes possible. Really. You're the only
one who can actually understand me from the very deep end. You're an angel
send from heaven. I love you to pieces.

I think I better stop writing and let you go over to the story.

Now with the story...

Just the truth
By M. F. Luder

Chapter 14

*****

I looked around my room to confirm myself that everything was it should be.
My windows were all locked from the inside and every electronic appliance
had been disconnected.

Three suitcases were on top of my bed, along with my backpack. I hadn't
packed that much because I was convinced it'd be a lot easier to travel
light. And, if I was to need something else, I could always go shopping.

Standing there, in the middle of my room while looking at my bed, I started
thinking back about the last three weeks as a smile played on my lips.

After hanging up with Kevin that night when we got back together, I waited
for Kate. She arrived about twenty minutes later with a pizza in hand. I
told her everything that happened, even Kevin's relationship with that Greg
guy and it's consequences. I wasn't sure if it was *my* place to tell her,
but she was my best friend. Everything I know, she knows. She understood
Kevin's behavior, having dealt with me for so long, and decided to forget
what had happened the first couple of days during the tour.

I told her about his proposal to go on tour with him and, as expected, she
was thrilled about the opportunity for both Kevin and I to spend some
quality time together. I knew she would react like that and even told me
that it'll be a great way to spend the summer, instead of staying in Orlando
- just like last summer.

The next morning, as promised, Kevin called me before classes. We talked for
about half an hour. It was just great. He called me when both Kate and I
were still in her car on our way to college. We continued our conversation
during half the ride, and my entering the classroom. We had to hang up
because my teacher had arrived.

Nick called me that very same day during one of my classes. Kevin had told
the guys we were back together and I was surprised Kate hadn't told him the
night before. He let me know just how happy he was about the both of us
being able to talked pass our problems. He was also thrilled about Kate and
I meeting them as soon as our classes - and finals - ended. Nick had tons of
plans for us to have fun during the tour. And a couple of pranks as well.

My life after that was simple, and pretty happy if I might add. I had
classes for another week, and Kevin kept calling me as much as he could.
During breaks, the ten minutes I have between one class and the next, we
would talk. Lunch was spend with me trying to talk - and I'm thankful for
'hands free', otherwise God knows how I would have manage - while eating
whatever it was college decided to name as food that day. Kate would always
sit in front of me with this stupid grin on her face, fully knowing that
even thought it was kinda uncomfortable, and embarrassing I might add
whenever Kevin told me something funny the guys had done or had happened and
I would laugh and almost choke on whatever it was I was eating at the
moment, I found it delightful. I don't think I've ever enjoyed a week, and a
week before finals to top things, as much as I enjoyed that one.

The nights, either night in Orlando or wherever Kevin was at the moment,
would be spend talking. Yeah, I didn't even want to think about either his
phone bills or mine. Two hours on the phone had never been so short to me.
Really. We talked about everything - something that still amazes me -, from
what the guys had done during the day and how the concert had gone, to what
both Kate and I had done in college. We talked about Greg only once. Kevin
assured me that everything that man had ever told him was long forgotten.
The voices he used to hear in the back of his mind had gone away by the time
he got back on tour after talking with me. I was happy about that. He was
able to go on his life without having to worry about self steam problems -
and let me tell you thinking about every single consequence of your acts
takes a lot of you, from personal experience.

Kevin was adamant that I didn't stay up till too late, fully knowing I had
classes the next day, but I convinced him that staying till either two or
three in the morning in school week wasn't anything new to me. After all,
you have to get used to stay up till half the next morning studying -
something *any* college student can agree with me. There was only one time
that we stayed talking till about three and a half. I was lucky enough that
my first class the day after that was at eight thirty. Kevin, however,
wasn't that lucky. It was two hours more where he was and, as he had told me
when we started the call, they had an early interview. I heard from Nick the
next afternoon that Kevin had been half sleep during the interview. The
guys, as expected, knew the reason, being totally sure we had stayed up late
talking on the phone. I promise myself that that'd be the last time Kevin
was to deprived of sleep because of me.

Despite being glad Kevin and I had worked out or differences, Kate was still
a little bit angry at me. She couldn't believe how, even though Kevin had
confided in me, I hadn't said anything about my very own problems. Every
single moment she had available, she would suggest me to talk with him, to
actually trust him. I tried to conceive the idea of telling him about my
past, about my traumas and every single mistake I had done for as long as I
had lived... and I realized I couldn't. I just couldn't think about telling
him, let alone form the words in my mouth to speak them. Kate was more
frustrated than usual - if that was even possible -, and decided to give me
some time off her daily torture of talking with me so I could think about
it. And I did. And I came back to the same answer.

By the end of the last week of classes, she had stopped trying to talk me
into telling him. But don't get this wrong, she hadn't give up. She would
never give up. I know that. She had just decided this was not a fight to
fight.

Finals were difficult on both Kate and I. We were totally psychotic and we
knew - we just *knew* - that this finals were going to kill us before the
next two weeks were done. Kevin understood my psychosis and total paranoia
when it came down to finals. I had told him a couple of very weird stories
about how it was Kate and I act whenever *that* time of the semester comes
and I had express my eternal gratitude to the heaves above that nobody had
actually noticed and decided we were better off in a mental institution.
Kevin - and Nick, to top things - had requested we placed a small camera
recorder in the studio, just to document the classical change of human
behavior under very stressful circumstances. Both Kate and I refuses
profusely. Reason: it would be plain down scary. Besides, a similar movie
had already been made... does the name The Blair Witch Project ring a bell?

Kevin and I agreed we'd talk once a day, just so we don't loose touch with
each other. He would call me right after breakfast. You see, during mid
terms and finals, we don't have classes, only the exams and we only have
three exams per week. That is a good thing, since it let us study for each
exam about a day and half.

Kate was dead worried about Architectural Drawing. Three our of five of her
tests weren't as good as she would have liked, and she had heard the rumors
that the final was gonna be a killer. And, besides that, she had Physics to
worry about. She hated the subject so very much, that only the idea of
having to study for its final would make her sweat cold. And, to top things,
she had barely gotten C on her mid term. Not a good sign at all.

And I wasn't much better, either. I could deal with Human Studies. It was a
letter subject and it seemed fairly easy to me. All I had to do was read two
texts and a book they had given me. However it wasn't the same with
Chemistry. Two out of four of my tests weren't that good. I hadn't been able
to focus on those to exam. I had studied, but my mind had been somewhere
lese. I had been more worried about what was going on between Kevin and I.
First, we were barely talking, then my worries about knowing that breaking
up with him was the wisest thing to do. I know it was somewhat irresponsible
and I should have focused on my studies instead of thinking about my
boyfriend, but it wasn't that easy.

Now things were different - a lot better. I could study Chemistry and have
full attention on it. I know things between Kevin and I are just great, I
know he's gonna call me before his breakfast and we're gonna talk for at
least half an hour. I know that and it lifts a weight from my shoulders.

For Chemistry's final, I studied the whole weekend and monday morning, since
my exam was on monday afternoon. The exam was totally horrible. The
questions seemed to be in a foreign language, I had to re-read it a couple
of times before I was actually able to start resolving the exercises.

My last exam was Anatomy on wednesday afternoon, while Kate's was Statistics
- not a nice subject at all, as I've heard her complain about it more than
once. Kevin wanted us to take a flight right after the exam, but both Kate
and I refused. As much as I wanted to see him as soon as possible, I knew
we'd be comatose by the time we reached the tour, so we decided to take the
10.30am flight the next morning. Right after our exams, even though hers
ended and hour later and I had to wait for her, we headed home and had a
nice warm pizza as dinner while watching tv until 9pm then, a lot more
relaxed, we went to bed.

"Matt!"

Kate calling out my name brought me back from my musings as I turned around
to look at her leaning against the door frame. "You done?"

I looked around my room one more time before nodding. "Yeah, I think I've
got all cover." We had barely enough time the last two weeks to breath, let
alone pack. Both Kate and I had been planning on packing last night, but
tiredness won, so we had woke up extra early to finish - or should I say
start?

"Good." She said as she entered my room and walked over to the windows,
double checking they were closed.

"I did closed them, you know." Sarcasm dripping of my voice, but she didn't
even acknowledge it.

"It's getting late." Kate continued like I hadn't spoken at all. "We gotta
get leaving."

"I know." I picked up my backpack and put it on, it held my most precious
possession: my laptop; of course, along with some other personal items.

Picking up two of my suitcases , Kate walked back over to the bed and
retrieve the one laying there.

"This is all you're taking, three suitcases and your backpack?"

"Yeah, why?"

She shrugged. "Nah, thought you'd be taking at lot more, specially with
X-Files' videos and all."

I smiled. "Actually, that one." I lifted the one I was carrying in my right
hand, "is half full with X-Files videos. Though I might need them if it bets
boring for a while."

"Boring? We're going on tour with one of the hottest pop bands of this last
decade and *your* boyfriend, and you think we're gonna get bored. You sure
need to have your head checked out darling, you're nuts."

"I'm not denying that." I replied with a wry grin. Walking out of the room,
I closed the door after me. "But I'm not saying the tour is gonna be boring,
I'm just saying that there's gonna be a point when the guys will be too busy
to hang with us. That's why I'm bringing my videos, in that case, we'll have
A class entertainment."

Kate laughed as she walked down the stairs into our living room, letting my
suitcase drop by hers. Apparently she was taking three suitcases as well,
her backpack that was slumped near and her carry on bag. Not a lot, for a
girl at least. "You're one piece of work Matty."

"So are you Kitty." Dropping my bags by hers, I turned to make my way over
to the studio for a minute, fully knowing she was gonna glare at me because
I called her Kitty.

Entering the study, I picked up my cell phone. I had left it there last
night, wanting it fully recharged for today. I usually have it off if I am
at home, since Kate was the only one who could call me, but since I met the
guys, I've gotten used to always, *always*, have it on and with me. Oh, and
as Kevin suggested, I got myself caller ID. Making sure Kate's cell wasn't
on the recharge, I walked out of the room.

As I joined her in the living room, Kate was double checking all the windows
was closed - and I could bet my money that this was the tenth time she had
done it this morning. "Is the gas off?" I asked her as I checked I had my
keys in my left pocket, my wallet in my right back pocket, my cell in my
inner jack pocket, and the airplane tickets on my right pocket. Both Kate
and I had paid for our tickets. One thing was going in tour with them,
something totally different was letting Kevin paid it for us. Besides, we
could afford it. Not first class, after all most of our allowance usually
ends up in either books or copies, but second class was just fine.

Turning at me, she answered. "Yeah, I checked it."

For the tenth time, I'm sure. "The door?"

"Done." Kate turned around the room, her eyes roaming the room, looking for
something out of the place.

I sighed. "Everything is perfect love, we better get going. We're gonna be
late otherwise."

Not quite listening to me, she looked around the room for the last time.

"Kate--" I started, what little patience I had quickly running out. I'm so
not the most patience person in this planet. And Kate knew that.

"Ok, ok." She interjected, lifting her hands in mock of surrender. "Lets get
going."

I nodded as I picked up two of my bags - the heaviest ones - and two of
hers, my backpack still in its place, I walked over to the door that led to
the garage. As I reached my 4Runner, I let all the bags drop on the floor. I
opened the truck and got them all in. I turned around, Kate by my side with
the two bags left and her carry on. Handing them to me, I got them in, then
we both got in the car.

Getting off my backpack, I placed it securely on the back seat a long with
Kate's. Pulling off the garage, a smile on my face, I started our way over
to the airport. It was gonna be a summer to remember, I was sure of that.

*****

Looking around the plane, I turned to stare at Kate. She had on her
earphones, her Discman by her side, listening to God knows what. Lately, as
if in since she met Nick, Kate seemed to be changing her music taste bit by
bit. I had seen her buying different CDs, from singers and groups I've never
heard of, and listening to them as a token routine. It hurt me a little bit.
She was moving on from something we both had loved for the longest time...
she was leaving me. But I tried not to see it that way, that she was only
seeing the whole picture in the music industry... or so was I telling
myself.

As she didn't seem to see me, I turned back in my seat and sighed loudly. I
was bored. I was beyond bored. I had tried to do something on my computer,
but nothing seemed to catch my interest. I had thought about listening to
music, but I just wasn't in the mood. I had "The end of Eternity" on my lap,
as I had been trying to focus on it and finally have some of my reading
done, but I just wasn't able to. Sighing again, I slumped in my seat.

"Now," I heard Kate's voice from my side as I turned to look at her, "what's
the problem Matt?" she asked as she took of her earphones and turn off the
Discman.

"Nothing." I said as I picked up the book, pretending to busy myself with
it.

Kate chuckled as she glanced down at me. "Yeah, right. Like I'm gonna
believe that. You've had that book open for the last ten minutes and you
haven't changed pages. You read quicker than that love, a lot quicker."
Placing her hand on the top of my book, she brought it down on my lap once
again. "What's wrong?"

"To tell you the truth, I don't know. I just... I can't focus on anything
right now, and I'm totally bored."

"Well, maybe it has to do with this very handsome guy you've got as a
boyfriend and who you're gonna be seeing in just," she lifted her wrist, so
it was at her eye level. "forty minutes, don't ya think?"

I shrugged, but stood silent otherwise.

Looking at me carefully, her eyes squinting close just slightly, she tilted
her head. "What's wrong Matt? And don't you dare telling me nothing, because
I know better. Now, what is it?"

"I guess," I started slowly, afraid she was gonna end up mad at me. I knew,
for a fact, that she wasn't gonna like what I was about to say. "I guess I'm
just confused... scared... worried... and nervous, take your pick."

Turning the earphone's cord around the Discman and placing it in her
backpack, I had her complete attention. "Confuse, scared? Why?"

"I really don't know. I mean, I've talked with Kevin, yes. I've hang out
with him, yes. But that's about it." Looking down at my book, I folded the
right upper corner of the page I was in nervously. I felt like I had to do
something with my hands. "Now, however, we're gonna be practically living
together for the next three months." Lifting my eyes to hers, I let my
emotions bare. "What if it doesn't work?"

She smiled sweetly as everything seemed to fall into place. Matt was scared
of the outcome after the tour. And he had every right to be. One thing was
dating and going out, another very different was living so close together.
"Haven't you two talked about it?"

"Not really." I looked down at my lap, my fingers brushing against each
other, as the book had no blame whatsoever in my nervousness. "It just never
came out."

"It never came out? You've got to be kidding Matt." She said as she half
glared at me. "You've talked with him for an hour every morning for the past
two weeks and a half and you're telling me it never came out? That's a lie
and you know it."

I sighed. Great, now Kate was pissed at me.

"Why were you scare of bringing it up?"

I shrugged. "I dunno, really. Maybe because I was afraid he'd say it wasn't
important, or try to talk me out of going. I really don't know."

Kate moved her hand over to my lap and placed it on top of mine. "You still
have a lot of insecurities about all this, and him, don't you?"

"Yeah," I said somberly. "It's not easy to forget a life of low self steam
Kate."

"No, it isn't, but you're working on it."

I couldn't tell you for sure love. I just couldn't. Specially not when I
look at you and fear you're gonna leave. I fear you are gonna realize just
how much I've hold you down all this time, how you'd be a lot better of
without me, just how much Nick actually brings the best in you, and how I'm
not even worth your time. I fear that Kate, and, the worse of all, is that
I'm sure it's the truth.

"It's going to be ok." Kate started as she smiled softly at me and I felt
like I was lying to her, because I wasn't being totally honest. I had
promised her I would *always* tell her how I felt, but I just couldn't. I
couldn't tell her I was sure I was gonna loose her. "I'm sure of that. Kevin
really loves you, just give him a chance, will ya?"

I nodded slowly as I picked up my laptop, suddenly calling out my name. I
didn't want to talk about it anymore and the world of fantasy, the one I
could control and let myself into as easily as closing my eyes, was a lot
better than the real one.

*****

Kevin looked at his watch one more time. It was nine am. He sighed. He
wished for once, at least for once, time would just go faster and it'd be
ten already. Matt had taken the 10.30am flight from Orlando and was supposed
to be arriving around 11.30 their time. But where Kevin was they had one
hour less which would mean Matt'd be arriving around 10.30 his time and
between picking up their luggage and going over to the hotel, Matt 'd be
there around 11am, or a quarter pass eleven.

And, to make matters worse, he couldn't even go and pick him up, he had to
send their van instead. That sucked. That royally sucked. Kevin couldn't
even pick up his boyfriend, whom he hadn't seen in almost three weeks, from
the goddamn airport because it was too risky. Someone could recognize him
and to be seen picking up an 18 year old male student wouldn't not be well
seen. Even if he pretended to go and pick up Kate and Matt was only coming
along for the ride, was just as risky.

"Kev!"

His cousin's voice brought him back from his mussing. Looking around the
room, Kevin saw his four bandmates staring at him. Brian and Howie were both
trying to hide their smiles, AJ was smirking naturally while Nick was
chuckling softly.

"Huh?"

That was the guys' undoing as the four of them started laughing easily.

"What?" Kevin asked again, as the tried to figure out what was wrong with
his friends.

"You have no idea, do you Kevin?" asked Howie as he was the first one to get
a hold on his laughter.

As a small smile played on his lips, the younger Kentucky cousin looked up
at Kevin. "We've been calling you out for the past ten minutes."

"But," AJ added, "you were thinking of God knows what to even listen to us."

"Yeah." Nick smiled as he finished their explanation. "That and the fact
that you've been checking your watch every five minutes for the past half an
hour."

Kevin couldn't help the soft blush that crept his cheeks as he looked won at
his folded hands that rested on the table, along with the scheduling papers
that they were suppose to be going through while having breakfast.

"It's ok man," Placing a hand on Kevin's shoulder, Brian smiled at him.
"He's gonna arrive soon enough."

"I know exactly how you're feeling Kev." Standing up, AJ walked over to the
food cart to pour himself another cup of coffee. "It doesn't seen so bad
when you're miles part, but when you know they are gonna be arriving in just
a matter of minutes, the expectation kills you."

"It's just..." Kevin's frustration was palpable in his tone of voice.
Bringing his hands to his face, he rubbed his eyes roughly with his fits. "I
guess it wouldn't be so bad if I could at least pick him up, but I can't. I
*can't*. And it isn't fair. So what if he's a guy, it shouldn't matter. I
care for him. Hell, I love him! I should at least have the right to go and
pick him up at the airport instead of having to wait here so our stupid van
can pick him up and not his very own boyfriend!"

Propping his elbows on the table, Kevin hid his face in his hands. That was
totally out of line. It wasn't the guys' fault. It wasn't anyone's fault.
That was just the way things were, the sacrifices he had to make ought to
the group. But there were times, times like this, when things just weren't
worth all the trouble.

AJ stood speechless, his half filled cup of coffee in his hand, as he heard
Kevin blow out on them. What was there to say? He had been mistaken when he
said 'he knew how Kevin was feeling', because, in reality, he didn't. He
just didn't. AJ at least could go over to the airport - sure, with his cap
low and sun glasses and about two bodyguards -, but he *could* go and pick
up Amanda whenever she came for a visit. But Kevin couldn't. The older man
couldn't even go outside the hotel room with Matt without someone seeing
them and thinking wrong, without some snoopy fan taking a picture and
plastering it all over the internet the day after. And Kevin was right, it
just wasn't fair.

"I'm sorry..." AJ started as he made his way over to Kevin's chair. Ever
since his stupid behavior about Kevin dating Matt, he had been feeling
really bad about it, like he still hadn't made it to Kevin for it. And maybe
he was right, maybe he hadn't. Because even though Kevin had told AJ he had
already spoken with Matt and the younger man was totally fine, AJ still felt
uncomfortable about it.

"No, I'm the one who's sorry." Kevin lifted his head from the safety of his
hands and his eyes roamed the room. AJ was looking at him with sorrow in his
eyes and Kevin knew the younger man was feeling bad about what he had said,
about the incredible huge and wrong assumption he had made, while the rest
of his friends were looking at him with surprise plastered on their faces.
Kevin had never blown up at them like that, never. Well, maybe a couple of
times while he was healing from the invisible scars Greg had left, but not
as a token routine. And now... now he had done with no apparent reason
whatsoever.

"I shouldn't have said that--" Kevin started as he tried to find the words
to apologize for his recent behavior. He hadn't meant what he had said. No,
scratch that. He had meant it, he just didn't want the guys to know how he
felt.

"No, you're right."

Kevin turned around to look at his younger cousin, who spoke softly
interrupting Kevin.

"You're right." Brian repeated as he looked at his folded hands. Picking up
at an invisible strain in the couch he was sitting on, he continued. "You're
right. It's not fair. Not only to you, but also to him. And I'm sorry."
Brian's voice was low, barely above a whispered as he finished his telling,
and Kevin had to strain to actually hear his last two words.

Kevin swallowed. "Not, I'm the one who's sorry. I shouldn't have said that.
I shouldn't." And he knew he was right. He shouldn't said that. It wasn't
the first time he felt that frustrated or so... helpless about it, but that
didn't mean he should even get it out on them. Or that he should he tell
them at all.

"Why shouldn't you?" Nick tilted his head slightly to the side as he tried
to figure out why would Kevin say that. They were brothers, the five of
them. If one was hurting, the other four should not only know, but they'd
most certainly do their best to help ease the pain. That had been Kevin's
teaching all along, ever since the group got together. Kevin had always been
adamant for the four of them to understand that. And now, now Kevin was
thinking differently. Nick, for the life of him, couldn't understand why
he'd do that.

"I guess... because it's nobody's fault." Kevin answered softly, hoping the
guys would just drop the subject as he didn't want to make a fuzz out of it
or let the guys know just how much it actually bothered him, while running
his fingers through his disheveled hair. Kevin knew he had been doing for
the past hour, hoping Matt would already get to the hotel. "It's just the
way things are. I can't change that. Neither can any of you. Is the price we
- *I* - pay for doing this, for doing what I love."

"But it's too much of a high price Kev." Howie's voice was surprisingly low,
something totally uncharacteristically of the older man, as it took a
saddening tone all of a sudden. It was one thing not being able to have a
private life, to be in the 'spot light' most of the time, to have to deal
with fans and publicity 24/7. But, not even being able to go down the street
with the one you love, was too much of a sacrifice for it.

Kevin, and the rest of the guys for that matter, stood silent far longer
than anyone was comfortable with. It just was a subject that, whenever it
was to rise in a conversation once again, would be dealt with tweezers and
gloves. They had always known the things they would have to leave behind to
be able to make it 'big', but neither of them were ready to actually 'see'
what Kevin was willing - or not so willing - to loose or let go for it.
Kevin had even closer barriers when it came down to PR, and the guys were
finally realizing this.

Clearing his throat, hoping to lighten the mood they had all suddenly
dropped to, Kevin turned around the room to look at his bandmates and best
friends. "The clock is ticking and we're missing time when we should be
reviewing the schedule." Kevin tried his best for his voice to hold a normal
tone, and he was thankful when he finished and his voice didn't even quiver.

AJ smiled softly as his friend's words. They'd talk about this later, but
for now it was to be dropped immediately. Yeah, he'd make sure they'd talk
about it sometime later. They had to.

"Hey," Nick asked as he stood up from his position on the floor and walked
over to the table where Kevin was sitting with all the papers scattered over
the table. "Do we have the afternoon off?" The young blond picked up the
page with their schedule for the day and tried to understand Kevin's writing
along the sides of the page.

Kevin snorted as he looked at Nick. It was still amazing how after eight
years of living together, most of the guys couldn't understand Kevin's
handwriting. The only one who could at least make out half of the words was
Brian, and that was because Jerald had once told him to just try and figure
out a couple of letters, then just try to come up with a word that fits. AJ
used to tease him about having 'doctor's handwriting'. "Most of it, anyway.
We don't have anything till 3pm when we leave for the venue."

"That's great." A smile playing on his lips, Brian picked up his cup of
coffee from the table and walked over to the food trade to place it there.
"You can spend a couple of hours with Matt, right?"

Nodding slowly, Kevin was sure a grin had plastered in his face as he
remembered the coal black eyes and ebony hair. At least they were to get a
couple of hours in the solitude of the hotel. It was better than nothing...
'But still not enough' Kevin thought to himself. 'Never enough.'

"Kev?"

Howie's voice brought the older man back from his reverie. Looking at Howie,
Kevin let his smile shone not only in his lips, but in his emerald eyes as
well. "Huh?"

"Wasn't Michael suppose to be arriving today?"

Kevin snorted. 'Great' he thought. 'Just great. Just what I needed. Today,
of all days, he has to arrive today!'

The group's youngest member started chewing the inside of his lips nervously
as he realized Howie was right. Kevin had told them a couple of days ago
that Michael was gonna meet them on tour one of these days, and it was
today. Nick sighed. They didn't need their manager on their throats. Usually
Michael would go ahead of them to the venues, make sure everything was
settled, and by the time the guys got there, he was already onto the next
city. But now, now Michael was gonna meet them the very same day Matt and
Kate got to join them in the tour, because there had been some troubles with
the light equipment and he wanted to make sure the concert run neatly. No,
it couldn't have gone better even if they had arranged for it.

"Yeah," Kevin answered sourly. "Yeah, he should be arriving around two or
three on the afternoon and meeting us in the venue."

AJ dreaded asking the question, but he had to know. Hell, the four of them
needed to know, just in case... "Kev?" He started while looking at the older
man. "Are you gonna tell Michael about Matt?"

Silence reined the room.

Kevin, still sitting by the table, started running his fingers through his
dark hair. He had thought about it for long enough, knowing that there were
only two choices and neither of them seemed good at all. He either told
Michael, and the business man would most certainly freak out - not because
he had something about gay people, but because Kevin himself was gay -,
telling him the risks about anyone ever finding out. Or, Kevin could not
tell him about it, but both Kevin and Matt would have to hide from another
person besides the whole world - and that was something Kevin just didn't
want.

"Yeah," Kevin answered after a moment, his voice deeper than usual, "Yeah."

The guys looked at each other. Kevin was going to tell Michael? That was
something... unexpected. They didn't know Michael by understanding the fact
that the guys had private lives - lives at all - besides the group. Michael
had even complained once when Leighanne had joined the guys on the last
tour. Brian had hit the fan and told him that she was *his* girlfriend and
she had every right to joined them whenever she though convenient. Of course
the business man was anything but happy about that.

Kevin looked at the different faces his friends were showing at the moment.
He understood they were probably surprised he'd do such thing, but there
wasn't any other choice. "Guys, I'm not gonna deny Matt. I have enough with
having to say I'm not seeing anyone during the interviews, I won't do that
here as well. If he asks who Matt is, then I'll tell him the truth."

"Shit Kevin, you sure?" AJ saw the determination in their undesignated group
leader and knew that there wasn't the slightest hint of doubt in his face.
Kevin had made a decision and was planning on keeping it. Now matter the
outcome.

"This is my life guys. My private life. What little of a private life I have
left." Kevin chuckled sarcastically. "But my life nonetheless. I refuse to
let him rule it. I refuse to let management and the media rule it. They have
enough power over it to last them a life time. I'm giving up enough so far,
I won't give up more. If Michael wants to know, then let it be, I'll tell
him." His voice was stern, convinced. He wouldn't back up a step. Not
another step.

"Good." Nick's voice brought the guys' attention to him as the four singers
turned to look at their younger bandmate. "Good. You do that. Do what you
feel like you have to do and we'll support you, we'll support you all the
way."

"He's right." Brian smiled as he looked at his cousin. "We're family, if we
can't be there for each other, then we're better of alone."

"Yeah," AJ said with a wry grin, letting them know that that wasn't the only
thing he wanted to say, "Besides, we're five, he's only one. We can kick his
butt if he doesn't approve."

And they laughed at the humor of the comment, but Kevin looked down at his
wrist, checking the time once again. He just couldn't wait for it to be
eleven already.

*****

Seeing my third and last suitcase in the rail, I let out a sigh of relieve
as I walked over there to pick it up. We had been waiting for the last ten
or so minutes for this particular suitcase - the one that held my X-Files'
videos. Kate had already picked up hers while my last one seemed to be
hiding from me.

"So, we're ready now?" Kate asked me as she put on her backpack and carry
on.

I nodded. "Yep, all ready to go now."

Handling our bags the best way we could, we walked over to the parking lot.
Kevin had told me there'd be a dark blue van waiting for us. I refused at
first, telling him we could very easily just take a cap over to the hotel,
but he pushed it until I just gave up, no reason in fighting over that. But
when he offered me to tell the chauffeur to wait for us in the gate so he
could help us with the bags, I had to put my feet down. I knew we could
handle them and, besides, it did seemed kinda embarrassing for me.

As we entered the parking lot, we started looking for the van. Kate was the
one that found it first.

"Hey," Nudging me lightly, she turned to look at me, "Isn't that the van?"

And she was right. Parked two rows to our left was this small dark blue van
with tinted windows. The chauffeur, or who I thought was the chauffeur, was
leaning against the passenger door.

"I think so."

Shrugging we walked over there. As soon as the guy saw us, he pushed himself
of the door and took a couple of steps in our direction.

"Caldwell and Astadourian?" He asked as we approached him by the side of the
van.

We nodded. "Yep, that's us."

He extended his hand for us to shake. "Nice meeting you. Mr. and Mrs. I'm
Luke." A small smile played on his lips as he looked at us. He was in his
mid thirties, a couple of gray hairs could be seen, but I couldn't be that
sure, after all, it was pretty dark. He was wearing black jeans and a white
button-down collar shirt. Brown hair and eyes. He looked really friendly, as
far as I could tell.

Kate and I dropped our bags so we could shake his hand. "Kate and Matt
please."

Luke nodded with a soft smile. "Ok Matt, let me help you with those."

"Thanks."

Luke picked up two of my bags and one of Kate's and opened the sliding door
of the van, placing them inside.

"I hope we didn't make you wait too long." I said as I picked up the rest of
the Kate's bags and her carry on.

"No, don't worry." He got the last gab and placed it by the rest. "That's
all?"

I nodded.

"Ok," Luke continued. "Then hop in and lets get going."

Kate got in the van and I hopped in as well, both our backpacks on. We sat
together, our bags by our feet.

"You excited?" Kate asked me quietly, not wanting Luke to hear us, in case
Kevin hadn't told him of our relationship.

I shrugged, not knowing what to answer her. I knew I wanted to see Kevin,
I'd been missing him like crazy, but I was scared as well and that was
taking most of my concentration.

"What do you mean by that?" Her voice was low, her eyes piercing into mine
and I knew she wanted to know if I was having any doubts about this.

"I really don't know. I wanna see him and all, but I don't know." I sighed
as I rubbed my face with my palms. "Just give me sometime to figure it all
out, ok? I'll tell you after I've seen him."

Kate tilted her head slightly to the side, her eyes squinting just a bit.
"Okay." She said slowly, lingering the word in her lips.

I sighed. "Kate, I swear, I'm fine. Just give me some time, will you?"

She smiled softly at me and nodded.

"Are you gonna stay here for the rest of the tour?"

Luke's voice brought both Kate and me from our little world. I turned from
my friend to look at the front of the van, where he was looking at us from
the rearview mirror.

"No," I answered as took a hold on my backpack that seemed to be slipping
from my lap. The last thing I wanted was my laptop breaking. "No, just for
the summer."

"Oh, nice way to spend the summer."

"Yeah," Kate smiled at the older man. "Yeah, better than our last one, at
least."

"What do you do? Are you studying or working?"

"Studying," Kate continued. "I'm in Civil Engineering, while Matt's studying
Medicine."

"Oh!" Luke turned around from the front seat as we stop at a red light.
"Medicine and Engineering, very good kids."

Kate chuckled. "Thanks, it's really fun."

"How did you met the guys?"

Kate turned to look at me and I shrugged as I glanced out the window. The
nameless streets and unknown houses went by fairly quickly. It was kinda
funny for me though, besides my old parent's house, the new one in D.C. and
my own house, I haven't traveled anywhere else.

"Matt here met Nick back in Florida, in a department store. They became
friends after that and we stayed in touched ever since."

Luke nodded at Kate and we lapsed into silence once again. I wasn't in the
mood for talking, I was worried as it was. And I knew Kate wouldn't want to
talk either, knowing I didn't want to. Sighing once again, I rested my head
against the back of the seat. I just hoped everything would be fine.

*****

"So, we've got the interview and the photo shoot tomorrow morning, right?"
Howie looked around the room at his friends.

AJ nodded as he sipped what could be either his third or fourth cup of
coffee, he had already lost count. Brian and Nick barely acknowledge Howie's
question as Brian was the only one who nodded, Nick being too focus on the
morning news' comics. When Howie turned to look at Kevin, he realized the
older man was gazing steadily to the closed door, like hoping it'd open as
soon as possible.

Howie turned to look at AJ and motioned for Kevin. AJ tilted his head
slightly as he tried to figure out what did Howie mean. Turning to look at
Kevin as well, AJ couldn't help but smile. Apparently, Kevin had been gazing
at the window for the past couple of minutes - again -, since neither of
them had heard a single word from the group's eldest member.

At the silence that had come upon the room, Nick lifted his eyes from the
paper to look around the room. Both AJ and Howie were looking at Kevin, who
was looking at the door. Nudging Brian slightly, Nick motioned for the other
three. Brian looked at Nick, then at the rest of the group.

Howie and AJ turned and gazed at the 'dynamic duo'. The four of them smiled
as they looked at the eldest in the room - who was still obvious to the
whole action.

AJ smirk at them as he placed his foreign finger on his lips. "Well guys,"
he started, "This means we've got the photo shoot to get plan."

"Yeah," Howie smiled as everything seemed to fall into place for him,
understanding AJ's crazy plan. "What could we do for it?"

Nick's eyes got big as flier saucers as an idea came to his mind. "Hey, what
about us butt naked?"

Brian couldn't believe what was happening in front of his eyes, what the
guys were saying.

"Perfect!" AJ exclaimed as he wondered why the idea hadn't occurred to him
first. "Butt naked is just awesome!"

"What do you think Kev?" Howie asked as he turned from his three nut friend
over to the serious one of a pack of wackos.

"Hmm... sure." Kevin kept his gaze steady on the closed door. Was it to much
to ask for it to open? For it just to open already and let in the man he had
been waiting to see for the past three weeks, ever since Matt told him Kate
had agreed and the two of them would join Kevin on tour?

"And what about girls licking us over?" Brian surprised himself as the words
left his mouth. Where did that came from? Placing his hand on top of his
mouth, to hold on his laughter, he looked around the guys.

Nick turned so quickly he was afraid his neck would just give up on his head
and looked at Brian, his eyes full of wonder. He had to stop himself from
saying aloud 'Who are you and what have you done with my friend?'.

"Hell, yeah!" AJ was totally into this. The four of them were trying to see
how long it took for Kevin to actually come to his senses and realize what
it was they were planing for the next photo shoot and tell them they were
totally nuts. But, from the look of it, it was gonna take a little bit
longer.

"Yeah, licking baby oil from our bodies." Howie added enthusiastically.

"Ok, so we have the next photo shoot planned. Tons of beautiful women--"

"In tiny bitsy bikinis!" Nick cut AJ as another idea popped into his mind.

"Ok," AJ summed up as the ideas were all brought together by very four
wicked me. Did they need help? Hell no! They could even do much better with
just a little bit more time, but what was needed now was to see if Kevin
could actually realize there was life besides that closed door. "So it's
tons of beautiful women in tiny bitsy bikinis licking oil out of our naked
bodies, is that right?"

The three stooges, even thought that terminology would have to be change to
*four*, nodded enthusiastically, wanting to see if their master plan - as
simple as it actually was - would work.

"What do you say Kevin?" Brian himself asked as the four of them turned
around to look at the eldest in the room.

Kevin who still - as the guys would have guessed - had his eyes locked in
the hotel door, only nodded at he question, his eyes not flattering a bit.
"Yeah, it's fine. Whatever you guys decide."

AJ placed his left hand, clenched into a fist, on his mouth as he tried to
stifle the laugh. Lifting his right hand, he started counting the seconds
with his fingers.

One.

Two.

Three...

As if on cue - and letting the guys know they knew Kevin up to some levels -
Kevin turned around, his eyes squinting just a tiny bit, his left eyebrow
crocking up slightly, and tilted his head. Enlightenment had stuck.

The guys started laughing, both AJ and Howie holding onto their stomachs
knowing it'd hurt after this, while Brian and Nick - specially the young
blond - tried to stay on the couch they had taken a sit on.

Kevin sighed, as everything fell into place for the older man, and only
glared at his four younger friends. "Kids," Kevin muttered under his breath.
"Kids."

"Yeah," Howie was able to say between laughs, "But at least we *can* hear
Kevin. I've just realized your attention span turns to either zero or
negatives whenever you're thinking of Matt."

Kevin couldn't help the soft blush that crept into his cheeks at the mention
of his boyfriend. So what if everything took a second place in the
anticipation of seeing the younger man once again? It wasn't as if the guys
wouldn't just do the same thing. But then, something Kevin himself hadn't
even realized before, it hadn't happened to him before either. And that put
a soft smile on his face.

"Hey," Brian started as his laughter died in his lips after a good two
minutes, "You could have told front desk to call you whenever Matt and Kate
check in. You know, so you don't have to be worrying about them arriving
without you knowing it - not that it could actually happen."

"Actually..." Kevin looked down at his folded hands, his fingers twitching
around themselves.

"You did, didn't you?" Nick scooted over to the edge of the couch as he gaze
at his older friend. "You did told front desk to let you know, but you're
still looking at the door."

The guys didn't need Kevin to answer, as the confirmation was plain visible
the moment Kevin's ears turned into a nice scarlet color.

"You sure had it bad Kevin." AJ said, the smile that stood in his lips
visible in his voice as well.

And Kevin didn't look up, because he knew - like he knew he was in love with
Matt - that the guys would be able to see the stupid grin that played on his
lips. Yeah, he had it bad.

*****

About twenty minutes later my mood was a lot better. Kate and I hadn't said
a word since we lapsed into silence, but that was ok, I had to think about
everything. There were very few things I knew for sure at that moment, like
how I was still scared, but not as much as before, or how it'd have been a
lot easier to spend our summer back in Orlando. But something I had just
realized was that I did needed to do this. I had closed my self up so I
wouldn't have to risk anything - yeah, not the smartest decision, but it
seem the most appropriate one at the moment -, so accepting to come here was
a huge step for me. And I had taken it. Now, all I had to do was continue
down that path...

Just then, Luke spoke from the front seat. "We're here."

Obviously I had been so drawn in my own thought that I hadn't realized we
were indeed approaching a very high and quite wide building. Uh, and the
fact that there were girls around the entrance hadn't called my attention
either.

I looked at Kate with a look that very good said 'Here?!'. Kate only
shrugged as she looked outside the window.

"We're gonna take the side entrance."

"Sure," I said as I kept glancing outside the van and onto the pavement in
front of the hotel, "what you think it's better." After all I had no idea
what to do in a situation like this and I was quite sure Kevin had told him
what to do, or the guy just has experience from riding with the guys.

Kate turned around to look at me as we approached, what I thought, was the
side entrance. "You better?"

I nodded as I gave her a small smile. "Yeah, thinking actually helped me.
Who would have thought?" She smiled back at my silly joke. "Really Kate, I
guess... I guess I just needed to over think things first."

"Sure, you get like that from time to time." Picking up her backpack from
the floor, she spoke. "Just remember..."

I didn't need her to finish the thought. "I can talk with ya." I did the
same, placing one handle around my right arm. "I know. Thanks girl."

As she nodded I felt the van pull to a stop.

"Here," Luke said as he got out of the van. "We're finally here."

I looked at the man and nodded, then back at Kate, who was looking at me
with expecting eyes. I felt my throat go dry in .2 seconds and my breath
leave my body. Oh god. Just breath, I kept telling myself, just breath and
everything will be fine.

I nodded subconsciously. I accommodated the backpack's handle on my right
shoulder as I kept forcing myself to focus on my breathing.

Luke walked over to the sliding doors of the van and opened them with one
quick movement. "Time to hop down guys."

I got off the van with a jump, then offered Kate my hand to help her off.
She smiled at me and took my hand in hers. She secured her backpack on her
right shoulder as well as I was leaning onto the van to take her bag.

"Don't worry about that, the bellboy will take care of both yours and Kate's
bags." Luke reminded us.

"Oh," I looked at Luke, then at Kate, then back at Luke, "Sure. Thanks."

He nodded as he motioned for the both of us to enter the hotel. Finally I
let myself take a good look at the place. Once again, and it was starting to
become a habit of mine, my breath was caught on my throat as I looked up the
building. It was the Marriott hotel. Yeah, well, let me tell you I didn't
know which hotel the guys were staying at, so this did take me by surprise.
I guess it took Kate by surprise as well as I heard her gasp.

"The Marriott." She whispered.

I nodded slowly, "Yep, I think so."

She started laughing lightly, the sound making me join her in her laughter.
We looked at each other, and burst up laughing. After a moment or two, I was
able to calm down enough to ask, "Why are laughing?"

Kate gave me a lopsided grin as she tried to contain her laugher. "I don't
know."

Luke was looking at us, his head tilted slightly to the side, and I was
fairly sure he already thought we were nuts.

"Let's go inside." I took Kate by the arm and the led the way in.

Luke gave us a small smile, "You remind me of my children, you know?" He
laughed easily, "Sure, why not?"

The three of us entered the luxurious hotel. We walked over to the
receptionist, a lovely young lady who had a small smile on her lips, and it
was Luke who spoke.

"There was a key card left here from Mr. Matthews." Luke said to the young
woman.

She smiled softly as she spoke. "Yes, of course," she retrieved a small
black key card and gave it to Luke.

Luke smiled back at her, taking the card in his hands.. "Thanks." He turned
to us, "Lets go."

The three of us made our way down the hallway on the left, Luke's words
ringing in my ears. 'Mr. Matthews.' Enlightenment struck me after a minute -
I think finals affected me a lot more than I thought since I'd have realized
it a long time ago. That last name was very similar to my very own name, and
something in the back of my mind was telling me that it was Kevin's
nickname. I smiled softly at the thought, I'd have to ask him about that.

In the middle of the hallway, on the right, were two elevators. Luke passed
the keycard through the panel of the right one - the left one didn't have a
panel - and the elevator doors opened with a simple 'ding'. "Well," He
started. "You guys go upstairs, to the floor the guys are in."

"You're not coming?" I asked somehow surprised. I was sure he'd join us
until we meet with the guys, at least, but guess not.

"No, I gotta make sure the bellboy send the bags to your room." He smiled at
us before giving me the key card.

Kate and I got into the hotel, Luke standing in front of us - smiling.

When the sliding doors closed on the older man, I sighed softly. "Ok, so,
here we are." I muttered more to myself than to Kate.

However, she heard me loud and clear. "Yep," I could tell by her tone that
she was pretty excited. "Do you think they are waiting for us?"

I shrugged. "Don't know. They could be busy, you know, doing..." I tried to
imagine something the guys might have to do, but I just couldn't.
"Something."

Kate giggled. "Probably, but Kevin knew you were coming today, so I'm sure
at least he's there."

I didn't say anything as I turned around to stare at the doors. Just then,
the doors started opening. Tugging the right handle of my backpack safer on
my shoulder, I waited for the to be totally open.

To my very own surprise, Kevin was standing there.

Not even ten feet in front of me, Kevin was standing right there, looking at
me. His eyes were open with amusement, happiness and, to my very own
surprise, love. He was smiling slightly, the corners of his lips twitching
up in a ghost of a smile, his teeth biting his lower lip.

He didn't move as he saw me, he only half shrugged his shoulders, his smile
widening as his sapphire green eyes met my black ones.

I was so focused on Kevin, that I didn't see Brian and Nick standing by the
right side of the hallway, or AJ and Howie leaning against the left side of
the same. I didn't see Kate by my side, smirking while looking between Kevin
and me.

I walked over to Kevin, my steps a lot slower than usual - or maybe it
wasn't my steps, but my very own imagination as every second seemed like a
life time. My right hand moved to my backpack as I led it slide down my arm
and onto the floor somewhere between the elevator and Kevin. I didn't care
about it, I didn't care I could really harm my beloved laptop. Right in that
moment, the only thing in my mind was getting to Kevin.

Kevin took two steps forward, meeting me in the middle of the small path.
When we reached each other, I seemed to melt in his touch. One of his hands
went on my waist, holding me close to his chest, the other one to the back
of my neck, bringing my lips to his in a heart shattering kiss. My hands
seemed to have a mind of their own as well, both of them wrapping themselves
around his neck

His tongue moved along my upper lip, demanding an entrance I wasn't about to
deny. I parted my lips slightly, his tongue sliding into my mouth, making
all the tension I had been feeling about meeting Kevin today ooze out of me
slowly as I lost myself in the kiss. Tongues dueled and danced, teased and
tempted, stroked and licked. It was totally intoxicating feeling Kevin
against me after all this time apart, his hands running over my back, his
tongue caressing the inside of my mouth.

After a minute - or probably an eternity since I wasn't really aware of the
time line at this point -, Kevin started pulling away slowly, his lips
lingering mine a moment longer than necessary, like he really didn't want to
stop kissing me. I could feel myself short of breath after that kiss, and I
knew Kevin was feeling the same.

"I love you Matt. God, I've missed you," Kevin whispered softly, his lips
capturing mine once again. "I've missed you so much."

"I love you too." I was able to murmur on his ear, kissing his cheek
lovingly. "Right back at ya Kev, I'm missed you as well." I pulled away,
wanting to see his stunning emerald eyes shining at me.

As we stood there, my hands still on either side of Kevin's face, his hand
still resting on my shoulder, I heard some applause. I turned slightly and
suddenly remembered we weren't alone in the hallway.

Brian and Kate - who had walked from the elevator's door to join Nick
leaning against the wall - were clapping loudly. Nick was whistling, his
foreign and middle finger in his mouth to make it even louder. Howie and,
taking me totally for surprise, AJ as well were making catcalls on the other
side of the room. I felt a very deep blush starting to crept my cheeks at
such amount of noise.

Kevin turned as well, the hand that rested on my waist moved along my back,
holding me close. Kevin looked at me and I gave him a lopsided grin, my
cheeks totally scarlet by this point. He smirked at me, then kissed me
softly on the nose.

I was about to say something, when I saw Nick's eye widening then squinting,
half glaring at some point behind both Kevin and me. I turned to look at
Kate, who looked at the very same spot - or I thought so - Nick was looking
at, then back at me. I think Kevin realized this as well, as he turned both
of us around, his hand never leaving my hip.

Standing in front of the close elevator doors, my long ago forgotten
backpack only four feet in front of him, was a dark haired man with clear
blue eyes and silver frames in a business suite. I'm not a psychic, but I
could tell by the way he was looking at Kevin and me, this wasn't in his top
five list.

Kevin's hand squeezed the tender flesh on my hip slightly. I could feel his
hand tensing up, his muscles contracting tightly against each other, and
that scared me. That person wasn't suppose to see us like that. I was about
to pull away as I felt him applying a little bit more pressure on his hand
in between my hip and my waist, holding even closer to his body.

Kevin knew him, I was sure of that. Kevin and the guys knew him. And I felt
petrified in my place.

Kevin's eyes squinted slightly as his green eyes rested on the blue ones of
the man standing in front of him. 'Perfect timing,' Kevin thought, 'You
wanna know, don't you? You're standing there about to burn a whole in both
Matt and me with your eyes, because this is your nightmare come true. But I
won't give you the pleasure, I'm telling you that. I will not budge a step,
that's for sure.'

"Kevin," the man said softly, his voice calm and on a normal tone, but I
could hear the anger between the lines. He was hating me, that was totally
obvious.

"Michael, what a coincidence." Kevin's tone was controlled and rational, but
his body was still tense under his facade of calmness. "I want you to meet
two friends of us who will be joining us on the tour for the summer."

I didn't know what scared me the most, the look on this man's face - the so
called Michael -, Kevin's sarcastic and very cold tone, the silence coming
from the rest of the guys, or the fact that I knew something was gonna end
up definitely wrong in this scene.

"Kate, Matt," Kevin said as he looked straight to Michael, "This is Michael,
our Manager."

All thought left my mind at that moment. Their manager? And he had seen us
kissing, that was for sure, and Kevin's hand was still on my hip, holding me
close to him. This was gonna be hell, this was gonna be even worse than
hell.

"Michael, Kate," Kevin said as he looked at Kate who was still standing
besides Nick, her expression totally cold, giving the man only a slight nod
of her head in acknowledge, "a dear friend of Nick." His hand tighten its
hold me as he turned around and looked at me, smiling slightly. "And Matt,"
Kevin turned to look at Michael again, his hand tensing even more, "my
boyfriend."

I had to tell myself not to gasp as I head the words leave Kevin's mouth. I
was pretty sure the blush I was sporting only a minute ago had left
instantly and that my body temperature had dropped at least a couple of
degrees. I still couldn't believe Kevin had told him straight forward that
we were together. Not that there was any doubts left about that, not after
that kiss. But, I think, besides the whole thing that Kevin told his manager
that we were together, I think I was surprised because he had never said the
words. Sure, he had asked me to be his boyfriend, but this was the very
first time he actually *said* the words to someone besides me.

"Kevin," Michael started once again, his voice not changing a bit. Actually,
that's wrong, I think it dropped an octave, the anger in it now totally
evident, not even bothering to hide it. "I think we should talk about
this..." He turned, looked at Kate, then at me, then his eyes met Kevin's.
"In private."

"Sure," Kevin leaned down and kissed my nose softly, his eyes smiling at me,
then on my lips just as softly.

"In your room."

Kevin turned around and look at the man once again. "No, it can't be in my
room. Matt is staying there."

Ok, I think my eyes just got out of its sockets, could you check around your
seats to see if they are around there? What did Kevin just say? That I was
gonna be sleeping in his room? As much as I wanted to ask Kevin about that,
I knew it wasn't the time for it.

Michael tried not to flinch, he really did, but he wasn't very successful. I
could even see him grimacing at Kevin's words. Apparently, that wasn't
something he wanted to know about.

"Brian," Kevin continued, turning just enough so he could catch his cousin's
eye, "Could you take Michael to your room?"

Brian nodded. "Yeah, sure." This is the first time either of the guys spoke
since Michael appeared. Brian walked over to the first door on the left side
of the hallway, opening it with his key card. He stepped inside, waiting for
Michael to join him.

Michael looked at Kevin, then at me, then walked over to where Brian was
standing and into the room.

"Guys, I'll be there in just a minute." Kevin said as he looked  at the
three remaining members of the group.

AJ and Howie nodded, walking by our side. Howie smiled at me. "Good to see
you here Matt."

"Thanks," I said softly, my voice still caught in my throat after the events
of just the past five minutes.

"Don't worry about it Train," AJ said as he placed his hand on Kevin's
shoulder, "We've got your back bro." He smiled softly as Kevin nodded. Then,
AJ turned to me. "Glad you could come Matt."

I only nodded, not really being able to form a word. It did surprised me
AJ's calm tone, since I was under the impression that he, at least, wouldn't
be very happy about me joining them.

They opened the door, not even bothering knocking, and closed it behind
them.

"Nick," Kevin started, but was cut off by the blond.

"In a minute Kevin."

Kevin nodded, then turned me around, holding me tightly to his chest. "I
love you." He whispered in my ear as I rested my head in the crook of his
neck. "I love you."

I nodded, my head barely moving. "I love you too," I said just as softly.

"Matt."

Kate's voice pulled me away from the embrace, turning to meet her eyes. I
didn't need to hear her words, all I had to do was look at her eyes: They
guys were needed somewhere else, we better make ourselves scarce.

I walked over to where my bag was laying forgotten on the floor and picked
it up. Kevin walked to me, placing his arm around my shoulders. It was nice.
It was very nice.

Kevin got a key card out of his pocket as we walked to where Kate was
standing, her backpack in her hand. "This is your room," he said as we
walked to the second door on the right. He opened it with the key, then gave
it to her.

Kate nodded, "Sure." Placing her hand on the threshold, she leaned inside
and threw the backpack to the side, then closed the door.

Nick walked to her side and whispered something in her ear. I didn't catch
what he said, but I knew Kate would later tell me.

Kevin got a hold on my hand, his fingers entwining with mine, taking me to
the second door on the left. He got out another key card from his pocket and
opened the door with it. "This is my room."

I was opening my mouth to complain about it, to tell him I'd rather bunk
with Kate, but Kevin cut me off before I could even say a word.

"Just stay here for the moment, ok? If you wanna change rooms later, then
we'll do it, but please, just stay here for the time being."

I knew this was gonna be a tough moment for Kevin, having to face that not
so very nice manager, and I could tell by his tone that he really wanted me
staying in his room. Besides, like he said, I could change rooms later. I
nodded slowly, giving him a small smile.

He nodded at me, the corners of his lips twitching slightly, trying his best
to smile back at me, but I knew it was gonna quite difficult for him to do
that, specially in this situation.

He leaned over and kissed me lightly on the lips at first, then applied more
pressure in the kiss. I got lost in the feeling for a moment until he pulled
away. "I gotta..."

"I know." I said softly, not really knowing what else to say.

"Wait for me here, ok? I'll be back in only a minute."

Words slipping through what little sanity I had left, I only nodded.

Kevin turned to look at Nick, not saying a word. Nick smiled at Kate, his
lips forming in a slight grin. The two of them walked over to Brian's door,
side by side. Kevin turned one last time to smile at me. With that, Kevin
opened the door for Nick, letting the blond enter the room before him, then
closing it behind the two of them.

I sighed as I leaned against the doorframe.

"You ok?" Kate's voice made me lift my eyes to hers, "Want me to go over
there, so we can talk till the guys come back?"

I shook my head, no need for her to endure my traumas at this moment. "No,
don't worry. Unpack, rest a little. I'll go over to your room in a minute,
after Kevin comes back."

She nodded, her eyes understanding my need for solitude for the moment.
"Call me if you need me."

"Sure."

She smiled once again, before entering her room. I did the same, closing the
door slowly. Dragging my feet over to the living room area, or what I
thought was the living room area, I looked around. The room was rather big,
at least for one person. The walls were painted in a soft beige tone, a
couple of paintings adorning the place. A sofa and an armchair stood in the
middle of the room, a tv set in front. The kitchenette and a small table on
the right.

There was a door on the left, leading to the bedroom, I was sure. Before I
could inspect it, there was a knock on the door.

I opened it and standing there was a young bellboy, my suitcases by his
feet.

"Mr. Matthews?"

I shook my head. "He's not here right now, but I can take those if you'd
like?"

He nodded at me, then entered the room with the bags.

"Could you put them on the room?" I asked softly, not really knowing what
else to do.

He nodded again and walked into the room, placing the suitcases by the side
of the door.

"Thanks." I gave him a twenty dollar bill, thinking it'd be enough. He
smiled at me, then he left.

Sighing softly, I walked to the bedroom, my backpack still in my hands. The
bedroom was rather cozy. A queen bed attracted all the attention, standing
to my right, facing the wall on the left, the covers a soft gray color. A
big window was top of the bed, letting the sunrays enter the room between
the half opened curtains. There were two night tables on either side of the
bed. A small dresser on my right, a closet on the wall on my left and a full
body mirror on the wall in front, on the left of the bed.

There was another door, right in front of me, on the other side of the room.
The door was slightly ajar and by the tiled floor, I could tell it was the
bathroom. I sat down on the bed and placed my backpack by my side as a soft
sigh left my lips.

I was about to start trying to comprehend what had just happened in the hall
way when I heard the shouting from next door. It shouldn't have surprised
me, after all, Brian's room was right next to Kevin's, but it did.

At first I only heard Kevin's deep bass voice through the thin walls, even
though I couldn't make any word. Then, after about a twenty seconds, maybe
even less, another voice started shouting as well. My guess? Michael. Then,
well, all hell broke loose. I couldn't distinguish one voice from the other
as the five of them seemed to mix into one hell of a chaos.

I closed my eyes shut as the yelling continued. If I had been thinking this
was not a good idea, I had just gotten all prove I needed about it. Kevin
was in trouble, that much I could tell, just by the fact that I was here.
Hell, the whole group could be in trouble and it'd be my fault.

Not really wanting to go down that road - because God knows everytime I did
it, I ended up totally depressed and that's not a nice picture -, I run my
hands through my hair, hiding my face in my palms as I dropped myself on my
back on the bed.

This was bad. This was beyond bad at this point.

After a minute or so I was able to hear something like, "Will you all shut
the fuck up?" And I knew it had been Kevin who spoke that. Silence took over
the shouting for a second, then I heard Kevin speaking again, but this time
a lot calmer than before. So calm and controlled, I couldn't hear what he
was saying.

I tried hard not to think of all the consequences that could come up from
this situation alone, I really did, but once again my mind decided to go
right ahead of my wishes. The guys must have been there for quite a while,
maybe ten minutes or maybe half an hour, I'm not really sure when I heard a
door open and about .5 seconds later slamming very loudly next door. Yeah,
Kevin had probably left the room.

And my suspicious were confirmed when I heard the door open and footsteps
carrying over to the bedroom.

"Hey."

I knew Kevin was in the room, probably standing by the door, but I didn't
want to look at him. I didn't want to open my eyes and see accusation plain
written in his, because it *was* my fault after all.

I heard footsteps once again, then I felt the dip in the mattress as Kevin
sat on the bed and the touch of his hand on my shoulder as he squeezed it
softly.

"You ok?"

His voice was really tender, so very unlike the tone I was able to hear
through the walls. I shook my head forcefully as I stood up. "No Kev, I'm
not ok." I moved in front of the bed and saw Kevin half sitting by the side
of it, looking back at me.

"Matt--"

"No," I cut him off, "You're in trouble because of this, because of me, and
that's not fair to you." I sighed softly running my fingers through my hair,
an habit that resurfaced whenever I was nervous or just plain down
claustrophobic like in that minute. "Maybe," I looked at my backpack, still
sitting on the bed, and I made a choice, "Maybe I should leave."

"Hell no!" Kevin stood up abruptly from the bed and walked over to where I
was. "No, that's not fair."

"It's not fair you and the guys are in trouble because I'm here."

"It's not like that." Kevin started, taking one step closer to me.

"Of course it is. I heard you Kevin, I heard you yelling through the walls.
You and the guys were yelling at Michael. I don't want to get you in his bad
books."

"Matt," Kevin took another step closer to me and placed his hands on either
side of my face. "I don't care about it, really. I don't care what he
thinks, because he has no control over my life."

"He's your manager."

"Yeah, but he doesn't rule what I do and what I don't. I love you and I want
you here with me, and, if he can't take it, then too bad." Kevin smiled at
me, leaning over he kissed me tenderly. "He's psychotic like that. He even
yelled at Brian earlier this year because Leighanne was going to join us on
tour. Brian put him in his place. She *is* his girlfriend and she had every
right to join us. It's the same here."

"No it is not." I took his hands in his and moved then from my face to my
sides. "It is not and you know that. It's not the same thing when I'm a
threat to the group."

"Is that how you see yourself, as a threat?" Kevin's voice was disbelieving,
his eyes showing total surprise at this revelation.

I sighed once again, feeling somehow disappointed and angry at the fact that
Kevin was, slowly as he was, learning some of my traumas. I knew I shouldn't
have said that. At least not with him in the room. I could tell myself the
whole truth, but alone. Alone.

"How else am I suppose to see myself as?" If I had already made a mistake,
might as well just finish my sentence, don't you think?

"As my boyfriend?"

I continued my small speech as he hadn't interrupted me. "If anyone, anyone
at all, finds out about us, the group could be finished in a blink. Your
reputation, the guys reputation along with yours, could go down the drain
just because they saw me with you. Now, tell me I'm not a treat?"

I could feel my limps going numb, my finger half frozen, my heart beating
totally out of charts and my head starting to hurt. I had said something I
had known ever since the beginning, and had been bugging me for the longest
time. I *was* a threat to them.

Kevin pulled away from my grasp and moved his hands over to the back of my
neck, kissing me softly. Ok, so softly isn't the best way to describe that
kiss. Mind blowing, earth shattering and breath taking qualifies a lot
better, but hey, no one really cares about that stuff, right?

As he pulled away, he started nibbling my upper lip. This was something
totally new for me, and let me tell you, it was really nice.

He looked at me, and I could swear his green eyes had taken a darker and
deeper shade of green. They looked like two emerald shining in his face, it
was... beautiful.

"Matt," Kevin started, his voice calm and so very tender I couldn't believe
it, and this time I did let him finish, "Yeah, I know our relationship is a
lot riskier than Brian's or AJ's, but that doesn't mean I'm gonna stop being
with you, stop seeing you, just because it isn't what's 'expected' of me.
That's not fair to you, nor me, and specially not fair to us." He moved
right hand over to my face and started caressing my cheek. I could tell you
now that I totally loved whenever he caressed my cheek. "I love you Matt. I
love you and I want you here, with me."

I let a small smile on my lips, not really knowing what I could say to that.
Because I'm sure there just wasn't. This time, it was me who leaned over and
captured his lips on mine, enjoying the feeling.

It was him who pulled away first, his hand taking a hold on mine as he led
me to the bed. He sat on it and I joined him. Kevin smiled me as he scoot
backwards until his back was resting against the headboard and made me lay
down on his chest.

Closing my eyes, I rested my head on the crook of his neck, his pulse
audible from my position. It was in that moment that I thought that maybe
things wouldn't be so bad after all. Just maybe.

His fingers started running through my hair and I felt myself melt at the
touch. "How was the flight?"

I wanted to laugh aloud. We had talked about quite a few things since I had
arrived, but nothing as mundane as this. "Fine, even though I've never
really traveled a lot."

"You haven't?"

I shook my head slightly. "Nope, just a couple of times. The furthest I've
gone was when Richard and Lilyan went to Germany and France on vacation,
Kate and I went them. Then when Kate and I moved over to Orlando. And a
couple of times from Orlando back to Massachusetts or over to D.C. And now."

There was something still bugging, and I felt like I just needed to ask him
about it. Maybe I didn't have any right to ask about it, but I wanted to. I
just needed to.

I sat on the bed and turned around to look at him. My dark eyes met Kevin's
clear ones as I spoke, "What happened in there Kev? You were yelling, the
guys were yelling, then you left and slammed the door."

Kevin sighed. Taking Matt's hand in his, he brought it to his check, feeling
the soft and tender flesh of his boyfriend's hand against his skin. It
hadn't been the prettiest situation, but he had manage. "You really wanna
know?"

I nodded.

"Well," Kevin started, "Michael started yelling about how I couldn't do
that. How I couldn't bring my boyfriend on tour." Of course that the young
manager hadn't used those words, but something along the lines of 'boy toy'.
But Kevin wasn't gonna say that to Matt, no way in hell. "The guys started
yelling saying I had every right to do so, and I yelled because..."

'Because I told him not so very polite to stop calling you that,' Kevin
finished in his mind. If he wasn't mistaken, his words had been. 'Don't you
fucking dare call him that ever again.'

"Because he was way out of line," He finished. "He had no right whatsoever
to tell me what I could or could not do." Kevin leaned over and kissed me
softly. "I told him you were staying, no matter what he thought. You and
Kate both. That you were my boyfriend and as such, you had every right to
join us on tour."

"He probably didn't like that." I said absently as I laid down my head on
his chest once again.

Kevin chuckled softly. "Yeah, he didn't. But that doesn't matter. You're
here, and you're staying for the rest of the summer and that's enough."
Then, surprisingly enough, he hugged me tightly to his chest, his hand in
the back of my neck. "I've missed, you know? I've missed you so much. Three
weeks is way too long."

"I know what you mean, I think I felt the last two weeks a lot longer than
that was because I was on finals. Time seems to change in itself when you're
in finals. Every minute seems like an hour, expect about an hour before the
exam, when it turns into just one second."

"How were finals anyway?"

I groaned. "Don't remind me, ok? I just hate finals. It takes so much of you
to be able to get through those two weeks, you have no idea."

Kevin kissed the top of my head once again. "Then lets not talk about that."

"There is something I want to talk with you about." I looked up at Kevin,
and was quite afraid of what I was about to ask.

"Sure. What is it?"

"You do really want me to stay here." I saw Kevin was about to protest once
again, and I quieted him with my fingers on his lips. "Not about me staying
on the tour, but staying here. In this room. I could bunk with Kate, you
know?"

Kevin sat on the bed, his legs prompted under him, as he took my hand on
his. I did the same and joined him sitting indian style. "Matt, I do want
you to stay here. I mean, there are days we barely have an hour free between
everything that's schedule, and having you staying here would be just great.
But if you don't want to, I'll understand."

I sighed softly. This was one of the things I didn't want to talk about with
Kevin. Maybe it was fear or just plain down awkwardness when talking about
it. I'm not really sure, but I'd go with the 'fear' option.

"I just..." I started, but my gaze dropped to my hands, which were fidgeting
with each other. "I'm not... I don't think I could, you know..." Ok, lets
get this straight. I'm a 18 year old guy who just finished second year in
med. school and I can't even talk about sex with my boyfriend? How come this
picture seems totally weird to me? But it was the truth, I just couldn't
even fathom the words.

Suddenly I saw another set of hands on top of mines as I lifted my eyes to
Kevin's. He leaned over and kissed me slowly.

"If you're worried about us being together, about sleeping together, you
don't have to be." I know I blushed at his words and he chuckled slightly.
"Matt, I'm not going to push you to do something you're not ready for yet.
And I know you're not ready for this." He smiled tenderly at me and I felt
myself calm down at his words. "I just want to be able to hold you at night,
to cuddle with you. We can sleep in sweats and T-shirts if that'll make you
more comfortable. But really, we won't do anything you don't want us to."

I was speechless as I stared at him. "I'm sorry," was all I could muster out
of my lips, and really, I didn't know I had said it until I heard it ring in
the room.

"What?" His face contained such a bewilderment, it took a lot of me not to
chuckle at the sight. His left eyebrow had crocked up, his head had been
tilted slightly to the left, and his eyes had squinted partially.

"I'm sorry." I repeated. "I'm sorry I can't be with you. I can't... sleep
with you." At least I finally said the words, right? "I mean, you're
probably used to sleep with your boyfriends and everything and here I am,
not really being able to give you that. Most eighteen year olds are far than
ready to go to bed with their boyfriends, but I can't. I just... I don't
know why really, but I can't. Not yet at least. I'm sorry."

Ok, I wasn't planning on saying that, that's for sure, but it just kinda
slipped. And it was the truth, I did felt sorry about it. I know I shouldn't
worry about sleeping with him. Gosh, I'm supposed to be all hormonal and no
brains when it comes to sex, but I just couldn't think like that. I had a
good idea about the reason, though. I think it was fear. One thing is being
committed with one person, but sleeping with that person is ever a deeper
commitment, and I think I just wasn't ready for that.

Kevin closed the space between us as he kneeled in the bed, his knees
touching mine. He moved his hands from mine and cupped my face, his eyes
shinning back at mine. "I don't care about it. I want you to believe me, ok?
I don't care if we don't get to have sex this month, or this year. I *don't*
care. I know you're not ready, I can see it in your eyes. You're just not
ready. And sex is not the reason I asked you to join me this summer. The
reason was that I wanted to spend more time with you. We barely saw each
other the past two months, this was just the opportunity we needed. And at
night, if you do accept to stay here with me, I'm only going to hold you. I
swear. I'd never push you to do anything you don't want. Do you believe me?"

I didn't know what to answer to that. I guess I was totally sure sex would
be important for him - and for the rest of the male population for that
matter -, but his words had told me otherwise. I nodded slowly. "Yeah," I
whispered. "Yeah, I believe you."

At least I was able to believe him in this case, but I was sure I wouldn't
in any different scenario. And that scared me a little bit. What would
happen if he was to know I didn't believe half the thing he told me?

His face broke into a smile, an amazing smile. A smile I hadn't seen in any
of the pictures I had found during my late nights of research for the past
couple of weeks. A very different smile. I couldn't help but smile back.
"Good," he leaned again and kissed me. "I love you, you know that?"

I wanted to say that I did, that I believed him, but eighteen years of
insecurities did have a lot of weight on my shoulders. I wanted to believe
him, and I think I did believed him at some extend, but it was mostly
because he didn't know everything about me. I was sure the minute he'd find
out about everything I had done and felt in my past, he'd leave me. So,
since he didn't have all the facts, he really was basing his love in what I
had only let him into. And I knew that was wrong, that I should have told
him everything about me, but I couldn't. Not yet.

Ok, so yeah, I was still saying the 'No yet', when I was mostly sure that
only meant a 'never' not put in words. So I did the only thing I could do in
such a position. I kissed him. I knew this kiss was to silence him, to make
him forget of the question he had just asked, but it didn't matter. As long
as I didn't have to answer it, it didn't matter.

His lips lingered in mine a moment longer as he nibbled my sensitive flesh.
That feeling, that numbing feeling I could almost see running through my
arms and onto my cheeks - giving it a very soft blush, was down right great.
I don't think I've ever felt something so amazing.

"I love you too," I said after a moment. Even if I hadn't answered what he
asked me, I wanted to let him know I loved him.

"So," He asked  while looking at me, his green eyes shining lovingly, "are
you gonna stay here?"

However, there was something else bugging me. "Kev," I started, "What about
how it's gonna look? I mean, what if someone from either management or...
Gosh, I don't know, someone comes knocking and sees me and you together.
People will..."

Kevin placed his finger in my lips before I could finish the question. Then,
he leaned over and kissed me softly. "Don't worry, ok? Usually only
management and our body guards are allowed in this floor. Michael already
knows, so I don't have to worry about that. And our bodyguards.. we've known
them long enough to trust them. Besides," he smiled softly at me, "They are
bound to see us at some point, since they spend so much time with us
anyway."

He kissed me again, this time slowly, nibbling my lower lip, "Now, are you
gonna stay with me?"

I thought about it for a minute, trying to see if I was going to be able to
stay with him in the same hotel room. I was scared, I knew that. I was
scared about what could happen during the summer and its consequences on our
relationship. But I was also thrilled about the possibility of the two of us
being able to be together for more than just a couple of hours like last
time.

He had covered everything I was worried about, at least when it came down to
his work, so I didn't have any other reasons to refuse. I nodded slowly, my
lips curling up in a smile.

"Great," He smiled back at me. Leaning over, he captured my lips in his. "If
you ever feel uncomfortable about something, or if you don't like something
I do, coz I do have some nasty habits, you can ask the guys about that," He
chuckled slightly at this and I only grinned. "I want you to tell me. Tell
me if I'm doing something unnerving or whatever it is. I want you to feel
you can trust me."

His words hit me hard. Trust. It had taken me over five years to actually
trust Kate with something slightly personal, I didn't know if I was gonna be
able to trust Kevin.

"I have some nasty habits as well," I said as I tried to detour the
conversation from the whole 'trust' issue. "I'm pretty sure you'd get tired
of me in no time."

"Oh," Kevin moved over on the bed, just enough so when he placed his hands
on my chest, I was able to lay down on his chest with no problem, "I'm so
sure about that. You're very cute, so I don't think I could get tired of
you." He answered me with a sly grin.

I looked down at the bed's covers as I knew my cheeks were adopting an
scarlet color.

Kevin placed his fingers on my chin, lifting my face so I could meet his
eyes. He was sporting a nice smile, his eyes shinning at me. "You shouldn't
blush by that. You're cute. You're cute and I love you." Then, he leaned
over and kissed my nose tenderly.

I smiled softly, but I couldn't help but ponder what he would think if he
knew everything about me. What would he say or how would he feel. I think
that was one of the reasons I just couldn't tell him. Plain fear. It's
just... it's just something you don't deal with so easily. It took Kate
years to come to understand it - and she still doesn't understands it
completely. She still yells at me when I get all paranoid about something.
She still glares at me when I feel guilty for 99% of everything that goes
around me. And maybe that's what's behind it. You just can't understand it
unless you feel the same way.

I felt like I had to change the subject before he could notice something in
my eyes - not that it'd be easy, Kate had needed years of practice before
she was able to actually 'tell' something was wrong with me -, or I ended up
saying something I shouldn't.

"Kev, where are the guys anyway?"

Yeah, so I changed subjects very abruptly, but it was the only thing that
came to my mind at the minute.

"Oh," Kevin tilted his head slightly, his smile not leaving his lips, "They
are probably still at Brian's. They were there when I left."

I nodded. "Don't you think we should go over there?" I felt my cheeks blush
deeply as I giving myself attributions I probably shouldn't take. Another
bad habit, or tendency of me, was that I just wasn't able to tell someone
what to do. I mean, it felt like I was bossing them around when I had no
right whatsoever to do that. I just hoped Kevin hadn't gotten mad at me
because of that, or that he didn't find it too weird that someone felt bad
about suggesting something. "I mean, I couldn't talk with them when I first
arrived, and I thought..."

Kevin chuckled softly, as he gave me a peck on my cheek. "Sure, if you wanna
go there, we can. You don't have to ask for permission or anything."

And by the tone in his voice, I knew he thought it was kinda... endearing
maybe that I was embarrassed about suggesting something so natural as going
over to Brian's room. But it was embarrassing, at least for me. I could feel
very comfortable with Kate and tell her we should do this or that, but with
him. With him.... it was just different. I felt like it just wasn't my
decision to make. Like he should take it, not me. Like I just wasn't even
worth making the suggestion. Yeah, a pretty deep analysis for someone as
young as me, but that was the way I felt. I felt like I was making calls in
his life when it just wasn't up to me.

I gave him half a smile. "I just wanna say hi."

"Sure," Kevin stood up from the bed and offered me his hand. I took it with
a smile and he helped me to my feet.

He placed his arm around my shoulder as we stood up. It felt nice, it had
been ages since the last time he actually did it. He motioned for me to walk
first through the door and onto the living room area, his hand only moving
from my shoulder over to my neck. His hand found its place back on my
shoulder as we walked through the small room and opened the door. Kevin
opened the door for me, and once again his hand stayed on my shoulder as we
walked onto the hallway. I couldn't help but wonder if he wasn't worried
about someone seeing us. I mean, after all, someone could walked out of the
elevator - like it happened just then - and see him with his arm around my
shoulders.

"Kate must be in her room." I said as I walked out of his embrace for a
moment and over to her door. I knocked softly, and knew she'd open the door
right away.

I was right as barely two seconds later the door burst open and she was
standing there. Her eyes were bright open, gazing at me, a question in them.
I smiled slightly, and I knew she had her answer when she smiled. I think
she also confirmed what I had told her with my eyes when I felt Kevin's hand
on my shoulder once again.

"I thought we could go over and talk with the guys," I said as I explain why
I was standing in front of her room.

She looked at me once again, her head tilted slightly to the side, and
nodded. She closed her door and waited for Kevin and I to direct where we
were actually going.

In fact it was Kevin who motioned for the room the guys were in. His hand
moved around my shoulders and settled as he squeezed my right shoulder
lightly. What I did notice was the fact that Kevin didn't even knocked, he
just opened the door and motioned for Kate to enter, then me and finally
him.

The guys were sprawled all over the place. Brian was sitting on the couch,
Nick by his side. Howie had taken the nearby arm chair while AJ was sitting
by his feet on the floor. I think AJ had remembered that comment Howie did
over in my place about him being too old to be sitting on the floor, but I'm
not sure.

When they saw us entered, Nick grin enthusiastically while Brian smiled
softly. Nick stood up and motioned for Kate to take a sit, which I was
thought was really nice of him. After she took his seat, Nick sat on the arm
of the couch and leaned against the top of it. I'm telling you, that kid
would break a sofa one of this days. Kevin helped me over to a small love
seat that was standing by the other side of the couch, then he joined me
there. His arm found its place on my shoulder as he pulled me to his chest.

When we were finally seated, the guys started the inquisition. Brian was
actually the first one to talk.

"It's great to have you here Matt. Really."

I smile at him and hoped I wouldn't blush. "Thanks, I don't think there's a
better way to spend summer vacations. But I'm sorry about everything that
has happened already."

I saw Kate glaring at me, her eyes shooting daggers at my comment. I knew
what she was thinking, what she thought I was thinking, and she was right. I
still felt it was my fault.

"Hey man, don't worry." Howie said grinning at me, and I couldn't help but
smiled a little bit. That man has this ability of making you at ease pretty
quickly. He just has this... aura of calmness that engulfs you.

"Yeah," Nick leaned even further down the couch as he continued, "Michael is
an ass. He keeps thinking we don't have a life besides the group."

I was a little bit surprised when Kate didn't say anything about his
cursing, but kept quite.

"Which is half true, but we ain't telling him that." AJ laughed at his own
joke as he untangled his legs from under him.

Kevin squeezed my shoulder once again as he kissed the top of my head. I
tried my best not to blush, but I could feel my blood going right to my
face. I turned around and hid my face in Kevin's chest, hoping the guys
wouldn't notice... yeah, right!

"Oww!" Coed Brian as he chuckled slightly. I blushed a deep scarlet color as
I hid even further in Kevin's chest and he wrapped his arm around me. I
heard Kevin chuckling lightly, and I couldn't help but smile. A moment
later, I finally looked up from the safety of his chest.

"I'm sorry," Brian said with still a small smile on his face, "It's just
that it's been long enough since the last time I saw Kevin so... lovingly
with someone. It's just a new side of our big brother."

"Hey!" I heard Kevin complained from behind me and I did laughed a little
bit now. "I'm not that bad."

"We're not saying that you're bad," tried to explain Nick.

"Just cold."

The young blond continued like Kevin hadn't interrupted him, "We're just
saying that you're never this... affectionate. Besides, this is the first
time we've seen you with a boyfriend Kev, let us enjoy it."

"Well," Kevin pulled me closer to his chest and I felt him resting his head
on the top of my head, "you're gonna get to see a lot of that, since Matt is
staying for the whole summer."

"So," AJ started as he looked right at me. I couldn't help but swallow
slowly while dreading what he was about to ask, "How was college?"

I was barely able to hold on the sigh of relieve I had stuck in my throat
after hearing his words. "Tiring." I had just summed up a whole year of
college in one word. "Classes are fine, and the test we can handle, but mid
terms or finals? I mean, the last two weeks have been down right murderous."

"Kevin told us a little bit about it," Brian looked between Kate and I, "He
said you guys had a lot of studying to do."

"*A lot*," Kate agreed, "We each were taking six subjects this semester,
that was one of the reasons our finals took more like two weeks instead of
just a week and a half. You have exam one day, then free the next one, then
exam again and so on. It's kinda good in a way, since it gives you enough
time to study, but bad since the waiting kills you."

"It sounds hard. Very."

I smiled slightly at Nick's scared words, "Nah, not much once you get used
to it. And you do. It takes a while to actually get on the swing of things,
but once you're there, it's like home. Like right now, even though we
complain about it, I don't think we could see ourselves without college." I
turned to look at Kate and she nodded slowly.

"But, lets stop talking about college," Kate said with a laugh, "How's the
tour going?"

"Great!" AJ's voice had changed so drastically, taking upon this excitement
as soon as Kate asked about the tour, it was obvious he loved what he did.
All of the guys, actually. "All the concerts are sold out. The audience is
great. The sound and the show in itself is just amazing."

"Yeah, everything it's a lot different than before. The songs are new, from
Millennium, but we're having some of the old tunes as well." Brian started
explaining calmly, "The stage is a lot better, the effects are great, the
pyre is stunning. We even have dancers."

"Oh, yeah, in your last tour it was just the five of you dancing." I said as
I looked at them.

Three singers looked at me with quizzical eyes and Kate was holding onto her
laugher. Oh, crap. And the worse part of all that, was that Kate was
enjoying my torture. I could even tell Kevin was surprised at my last
comment, as he moved from under me.

"The last tour? I thought you never heard of us before you met us?"

"That was right," I answered Howie's question, "but Nicky here thought we
couldn't spend another month without knowing about you guys and send us the
videos of your videos."

Nick blushed at my comment as he tried to hide his face between the couch
and Kate's back. The guys didn't let him off the hook that easily and
started teasing him, telling him that it was a good idea he was promoting
the group.

"You didn't tell me he had send you the videos," Kevin whispered softly in
my ear.

His breath tickled my neck slightly and I tilted my head to the side of out
instinct. "Sorry, Nick thought it'd be a nice surprise."

Kevin kissed the side of my head slowly, then placed to petal soft kissed as
well. "It was."

"I just thought they had to know!" Nick said after a while of receiving
their comments, "Besides, they actually watched it." Nick paused for a
minute, letting my whole comment, and the fact sink in. I was hoping he
wouldn't notice, guess I was asking too much. "Hey, I send you our videos,
but not the concert. How come you know it was only the five of us in our
last tour?"

Damn, busted. Kate now really started laughing and I glared at her. "Hey!" I
moved off Kevin's chest and over to the edge of the seat. "You watched it
too, so don't start looking so innocent darling."

"I am not!"

"Yeah, right!"

"Besides," Kate started, her voice teasingly, and I knew I was toasted. "It
was you the one that looked for it, not me."

"Hold on a second guys!" Nick said. Making himself a little bit more
comfortable, he decided to sat on the arm of the couch, instead of leaning
his whole weight on the back of the same. "What the hell are you guys
talking about?!"

I laughed easily, my eyes meeting Kate's as we both started cracked up
heartily. It took me another moment before I was able to talk. "I did some
research and found out a video of your latest tour."

"How?" AJ now looked totally puzzled at my statement, and I couldn't blame
him.

"Well guys, those are the blessings of internet."

I looked at Kate and nodded at her statement. "Yep."

"On the internet?" Nick looked between Kate and me. "How? I can barely find
a page about... I don't know, about anything!"

"Well, a good computer, a couple of hours in internet, and a little bit of
patience can come in handy every once in a while." I chuckled at my own
comment, then Kate joined me. Gosh, we were making a fool of ourselves and
we hadn't been there a day!

"You love internet Matt. You'd live on line if you could. Accept it."

I tilted my head, my smirk visible in my lips. "And who said I was denying
it?" With that, we cracked up once again.

Howie was chuckling slightly as well, Matt's laugher contagious in itself.
Nick was laughing with the two friends. Out of the five, Nick was the one
who had interacted more with them, and had seen the way they would just look
at each other and start laughing. Nick still thought it was gift. Besides,
seeing them was just funny in itself. AJ had started laughing not long after
Nick, realizing the fact that Matt and Kate weren't that bad after all.
Brian had burst up laughing right along with Nick, his younger friend's
antics too much for him. Kevin was looking between his giggling boyfriend
and the young female student. It was at times like this, when the two of
them only needed to cross gazes to laugh, that Kevin didn't know if he could
fit in that equation.

"Anyway," AJ started after a minute, when he had been able to calm down,
"Did you guys like it?"

"It was really neat," I said as I looked at him. "The videos were pretty
great. It was like an album picture, you could see the changes of all of
you." I chuckled slightly, "It was really amazing. I mean, the whole facial
hair growing, tattoos, hair changes, and height."

"Which one is your favorite?" Howie asked as he leaned forward in his seat,
placing his elbows on his knees and resting his head on his open palms.

I shrugged. "I'm not really sure. I like All I have to give. The movement
with the hats is really cool. It took me a good day and half to get it."

"You learned it from the video?" Nick asked quickly, almost falling off the
couch if he hadn't gotten a hold on Kate's shoulder, "Damn, it took us a
good month to learn that!"

I chuckled slightly and I heard Kevin laughing as well. "Not the whole thing
Nick, but half of it. I still don't have it down right, but I was planning
on checking it out a couple more times."

"What about you Kate, what's your favorite one?"

She smiled sweetly at Brian, then answered. "Well, actually I liked
Everybody a lot. The whole dressing up was really cool. You made a great
Wear wolf."

"Well, thank you." Brian's southern accent came out very pronounced. I have
to accept the boy has a very nice voice. A very nice voice indeed.

"Hey!" Nick complained as he swatted Kate's head playfully, "What about me?
Wasn't I a sexy Mommy?"

"Not really," Kate said turning around enough so her brown eyes could meet
Nick's baby blues, "Sexy? Don't think so. Funny? Most certainly."

I burst up laughing at that point. Yeah, I know, I know. I don't have much
self control when it comes down to my laughter. I've gotten in quite some
trouble because of that. Not only in school, but with my parents as well.

Nick was glaring at me, a very cute pout in his lips. And it only gave me
more ammo to continue laughing. Kate joined me not so long after that...
maybe... .01 seconds after that. "Sorry Nick," I said between my own
chuckles, "It's just that Kate and I were analyzing the video and it looked
like you were attached to those girls."

"I was not!"

"We thought so," Kate smiled sweetly at him, patting his cheek softly, "But
you did looked like it."

Nick glared at her, then at me - and this time I was able not to laugh -,
then slumped in his seat, crossing his arms on his chest.

Kate giggled, "Oh Nick, don't take it personally."

"Yeah, right." Nick whined.

Kate turned around at me, silently telling me not to laugh, and I listed to
her. Ok, so I listed to her for almost a second, then laughed once again.

"Sure, pick on the youngest."

I looked at Nick and smirk. "Actually Nick, right now, here, Kate is the
youngest."

Nick lifted his eyes to meet Kate's brown ones, then realized I was right,
and slumped back on his seat. "Great, just great."

I was about to say something when I felt Kevin move behind me and place his
arm around my shoulders.

"Sorry to cut the conversation short, but we should go to lunch, it's gonna
be late otherwise."

I looked up and met Kevin's gaze. "Late?"

He nodded slightly, his head barely moving, then leaned over and kissed me
softly on the nose. "Yeah, we have a concert tonight, but we gotta be at the
venue at three thirty."

"Oh," I couldn't help but feel stupid at asking something like that. I
should have known Kevin and the guys had stuff to do.

Kevin stood up and, his hand moving over to take mine, pulled me up.
Checking his wrist, Kevin turned to the guys. "Ok, it's twelve fifteen, lets
meet in my room in fifteen minutes."

The guys nodded and it surprised me a little bit the way they worked. I
mean, I'm sure that if Kevin hadn't put a stop to our conversation, we'd
have probably stayed talking for at least another hour and they most
certainly arrived late at the venue.

Nick stood up from his seat on the arm of the couch and stretched, lifting
his arms as much as possible. I think it was right then and there that hit
me that Nick was actually really tall. Almost as tall as Kevin. And I was
starting to suspect that even a little bit taller than Kevin.

"Where are we going?" Nick asked as he helped Kate stand up. Such a
gentleman.

"Mc Ds!" I heard AJ yelled from the side of the room.

Kevin turned around and glared at the younger man. "No, we had McDonalds for
lunch two days ago."

"Two days ago Train, you said it yourself. Two days," AJ kept pleading his
case, nudging Howie slightly, hoping the older man would help him out, "Do
you have any idea how many seconds that is?"

Kevin just rolled his eyes and shook his head in amazement. "We're not
having McDs for lunch." His voice was stern, leaving no room for question.

AJ looked at Howie, lifting his eyebrows, hoping he'd take the hint and say
something. "Kevin," Howie started, "Another day having hamburgers for lunch
is not gonna kill us."

"No, it won't kill us," Kevin looked right at AJ, knowing he had asked for
Howie's help, "But it won't kill you to have a decent meal either, now will
it?" Not really waiting for their reply, since I'm pretty sure that was a
rhetorical question, Kevin finished, "Thought so. Fifteen."

Kevin started walking over to the door, his hand still holding mine, so I
was kinda forced to follow him. I turned around soon enough see Nick
motioning for Kate to leave the room. Brian was smiling lightly, shaking his
head slowly. Howie only shrugged and I heard AJ say, "Damn."

We all left Brian's room, even though I wasn't really sure the reason, since
we could have just gone to lunch right from there, but I wasn't about to
question it either. I mean, this five guys had been doing this for the past
seven years, I'm sure they knew what they were doing. Kate walked over to
her room, smiling at me. "See ya in a few," she said as she opened her door.
I nodded, smiling back.

Nick grinned at both Kate and me, then got into his room. Kevin and I got
into his room, Kevin closing the door after we had entered. When we entered
the bedroom, I sat down on the bed, not really knowing what I should do.

"Don't you wanna take a shower before lunch? You know, get rid of the jet
lag and everything?" Kevin asked me, his eyes looking right into mine while
he walked over to the closet and picked up a file.

I shrugged, not really knowing what I wanted to do. "Nah, don't think so.
I'm fine."

Kevin nodded, but I wasn't sure if he had heard me at all, since he was
totally engrossed in what he was reading. He turned around and walked over
to where I was sitting. He leaned over and kissed me deeply, his lips
lingering to mine a moment longer. "I'll be in the bathroom," He said when
he pulled away.

I nodded absently, once again, not really knowing what I should do. He
walked over to the bathroom and closed the door after him. I sighed softly
as I let myself fall rather unceremoniously on the bed. My eyes were fixed
with the ceiling, my eyelashes deciding that they would rather close than
stay open. I didn't fight back. I wasn't sleepy, I knew that, I just didn't
want to have my eyes open. Letting out another soft sigh, I tried my best
not to freak out at what my mind told me could happen during this tour.

*****

And this is were I end today's chapter. Yeah, I know I usually never end it
like this, but I just thought it seemed... appropriated.

What did you guys thought? Did you like it? Please, let me know at:
jmfluder@hotmail.com

I should get going, try to start writing the next one. I hope I'll be able
to have it out soon enough. I'm already into page six so far, so I might
just have it before the end of the month.

Take care and investigate.

M. F. Luder