Date: Wed, 23 Jun 1999 20:09:58 EDT
From: Mlnscrm@aol.com
Subject: Justin's Love 6

Number 6! I hope you are as happy as I am. Once again, thanks to all of you
who e-mail me. It means so much. E-mails are all I have to keep writing. No
point in writing without them so thanks a lot! Also, The One. READ IT! A
great story, and Rick, who is the author and a friend of mine, can write.
It is emotionally packed and has great depth and skill to it. Read it, and
e-mail him about it. Please! Also, this part of the story was co-written
with a very, very close friend of mine. This whole JC and Lance thing is
all him. I am just helping him express it. Thanks so much Justin!  Last of
all.... Artists, TALK TO JM. I tried but failed, so maybe you can do
better. Now, as for the usual, this is all BS. To my knowledge, no one
mentioned is gay. This is all wishful thinking.  Thanks to Nifty for
putting up the stories. I am so grateful! Last of all, thanks to the
readers.  Without you, I would be a loser writing to no one. Thanks. :)

Justin's Love Part 6 :Tomorrow, Today, and Yesterday


	The sun rose. The day begun. Same as always for most, but not
JC. He had crashed at the closet hotel to Lance's house. He couldn't drive
far with all the things running through his mind and he had to go back
today, so he stayed close. He was tired though. He had gotten now sleep
last night. He had too much on his mind. That was weird for JC though. He
loved to sleep. It was all he did most of the time. But every time he
closed his eyes, he saw Lance crying. That hurt him deeply.  He would have
never done anything to hurt Lance. Not on purpose. He loved him too much
for that. I guess this was inevitable. This whole friendship was destined
to fall apart. Well, it practically felt like that. First, the gay thing,
then JC caring too much for Lance, now this. He didn't see what had had
Lance so upset though. He should have told Lance about the leaving. He gave
him that. But how JC felt was his business. Even if it did involve Lance,
he would never act on it. And the nerve of Lance asking why he hadn't said
what he felt when he came out. It was hard to come out, and harder yet to
say he cared more for Lance than he probably should. Lance was right. JC
hadn't said, "Lance you are my world. You mean everything, and if I lost
you I would die." That's what he felt but he couldn't say that. Especially
since Lance said they would still be buds, but he didn't feel the same. And
finally, JC had learnt to leave with it. He didn't want friendship, but it
was all he was getting. It was hard, but he dealt. Now, everything was
coming back. He thought of all this was he took a shower and got
dressed. He grabbed his bag, old clothes, and his keys and left. He didn't
know what would happen today. He did know that him and Lance had to
talk. He had second thoughts as he pulled in Lance's driveway. Should they
talk about his?  Should it just slide? No, they would never be the same if
this went unchecked. He kept saying that to himself as he approached the
door. He usually went right in, but he felt the urge to knock. It took a
couple of minutes, but Lance finally got there. He just opened the door and
walked away. He didn't even look to see who it was. He just walked into his
living room and awaited the guest. He knew who it was though. He didn't see
JC, but he knew it was him. Who else would it be? JC came in and sat across
from Lance on the sofa. "Lance we need to talk."

Meanwhile At Chris's House That Same Morning

	Again the sun crept up on me too early in the morning. I didn't
mind though. Seeing Justin in my arms was all worth it. It didn't matter
what time I saw it, early, late it was all good. At least I had slept well
last night. As I looked down and saw the hard on I had I knew I had
probably slept to good. I couldn't help it though. All the `foreplay' that
Justin and I had had last night left me wanting for more. And until the
time was right, I would get all the action in my dreams. But I think it can
be actually better that way. With me dreaming about what it will be like
with Justin, just means that when it does happen, it will be ten times
better in life, and I will know it was worth the wait. But until then, I
would live it out in my dreams. With all these thoughts of waiting, and
dreaming I felt the urge to lay back down and not keep Justin waiting. (In
my dreams anyway) My head had hit the pillow when Justin decided it was
wake up time. "Morning." He said smiling at me. "You know, I have always
heard you were not a morning person, yet 100 percent of the time that you
have woken up next to me, you have been cheerful. Are the teenybopper
magazines wrong?" I asked with sarcasm. He smiled at me again. He had done
that a lot. We both had.  Smiling had become a very big part of our
relationship. I didn't mind though. I would rather smile than the
opposite. "Actually, they were right. Just something has changed recently."
I look at him with confusion. "What changed?" I asked wondering what he was
talking about. "You really don't know what I am talking about? Maybe you
should be the blonde of the relationship. I was talking about you. I have a
reason to be happy when I wake up now." A sudden feeling swept over me.
That was the sweetest thing anyone had ever said to me. I gradually bent so
are lips were hovering over each other. He finished filling the small gap
left, and out lips were touching once again. It was still a new feeling and
I loved every minute of it. As we separated I smiled. "You know, just
because we kissed, doesn't mean I am going to let that blonde thing slip
by." I said as I brought my hands up through the covers. He looked at me
with unknowingness. He wasn't sure what I had meant by that but I would
soon let him know. As soon as my hands touched his sides, he knew what was
going on. Before he could try and get away I was tickling every inch of his
upper body.  His face burst into laugher and whatever part of him that
might have been asleep was wide awake now. I made sure of it. After about
five minutes I finally let him loose and he caught his breath.  "No I know
not to ever piss you off." He said laughing. "Well, as long as you..." I
stopped and looked at him. As his hand came up to my bare chest I knew more
foreplay was coming, but we couldn't do it, not right now. "Justin, I
thought we were going out today?" I said painfully pulling away. I wanted
to fool around as well, but only by luck, had we stopped last night. If we
did it right now, I know we would have found ourselves looking for
lube. "Yeah, yeah, yeah. You are right. Let's go get ready." He said
sighing and getting up. "Wait, I don't want us to leave each other like
this. I am sorry if I seem like sexually anorexic or something, but I do
love you. And that is way I wanna wait." He turned to look at me and took
my hand. "I know, and you are right. I don't mean to sound disappointed,
but I am. I know we need to wait, but that is going to be tough.
Especially for two people so in love like we are." I was grinning as he
said that. I was in love. We both turned towards our separate bathrooms
holding hands once again.

At Lance's House

	"Yeah, I guess you are right. We do need to talk." Lance said as he
sat in his chair. He stared at JC intensively looking for what he would
say. Lance had no idea what was going to happen. "Well, first off, I am
sorry you read that letter. But I think that was the only reason I kept it
around. I mean, there was really no point to keep it after I told you I was
gay, and that I cared for you more than a friend. I was no longer leaving
and there was no reason to tell you all I felt, because you said you didn't
feel the same. I tried to throw it away, but I couldn't. And that is
because I think I wanted you to know. And I am sorry I ran out on you
yesterday. I was just confused about what to say, and shocked you found
it. I really don't know what else to say. I am sorry, but what about you? I
mean, why were you so mad? I will give you the fact that I thought about
leaving and didn't say anything. But you were more than mad, and I don't
mean that you were more pissed. You almost seemed hurt and sad. I felt so
bad when I saw you cry. I wanted to change it, but I don't know what I
did. Was it the note?" JC shot out explanations as well as questions as
Lance sat trying to absorb all this. He was shocked as he looked at JC. JC
seemed so calm as he explained what had happened, but he was now nervous as
ever. And his eyes were bloodshot. He knew there was something wrong
here. JC always slept. Every chance he got, but Lance could tell he hadn't
slept in awhile. JC sat there waiting for Lance to answer.

	Lance didn't really know what to say. He had spent all night trying
to answer the questions JC was asking. "I was mad about the leaving
deal. But only because you are a good friend and to think you would have
gone and left me... gone and left the group. That scared me and made be a
little angry. As for the tears and the sadness. I was just so surprised. I
mean, God Josh. You told me you cared for me more than a friend. This
letter said I was your world. It said you would give up everything you had
because I bothered you or I didn't feel the same way. That shows a lot of
love. Love I have never even thought you had.... anyone had. And it meant
so much to me. I had no idea you felt like that. I didn't know I meant that
much to you." Lance said his eyes welling up.  "And what does that mean?"
JC asked not knowing where this was going. He was confused, but honestly
felt if Lance was trying to feel the same way. He knew that wasn't
possible. Lance had turned him down when he came out. Even if Lance didn't
like JC, he could have came out too if he was gay. Like JC was going to
care. He just sat there not saying any of these. He had to wait for Lance
to say something more. "What does this mean? This means..." Lance got up
and sat next to JC on the couch. JC turned to face him and let him
finish. "This mean I love you. You are the best friend in the world to
me. But I am so, so sorry I can't feel more. A small part of me wants to
reach out and say that I have been longing for you as much as you have for
me. I can't though. I just don't feel anything for you. Not beyond the
closest possible, sincerest friendship. And I think that is why, we should
have some time apart. I want us to still be the friends we are right now,
just friends that have our separate time. It would be best if we each had a
chance to let everything sink in." Lance barely got it all before he broke
down in tears. He couldn't even see. JC too was overwhelmed. He didn't know
what Lance had said. He heard the words, but still didn't know what it all
meant.

	"So, time. That is your answer?" JC sounded almost mad. Lance
looked up and he heard the slight anger in JC's voice. "I guess. That is
all I can think of." Lance was confused. What had just happened? "I am
sorry. I might be a little out of line, but I don't want us to take
time. That letter was right. I do love you with all my heart, and it was
hard to stay without you knowing anything. It was even getting hard
now. But you know. You know that I care the world for you.  And you know I
am still here. If I can stay.... stay as just friends, with the soul person
I would love to spend the rest of my life with, and then that should be
it. I am the only one who should have a problem here. It is my heart that
is hurting now. What could you have to take time for?" JC had stood now and
was way more emotional than angry. He had came back to fix things. That was
it.  To make their friendship better. Now, he was losing the one thing he
held most dear. His love for Lance. Lance didn't know what to reply. He
hadn't ever seen all this from JC's point of view. He was to busy thinking
about himself. "You are right." Lance said as JC sighed with hope. "But I
am sorry. Time isn't what you need obviously. But it is all I need. A lot
of stuff is happening right now. First, you are gay. Then you care for
me. And almost right after that, the whole Justin and Christopher thing
happened. Now, this. Now, I find out you care for me. I mean care like I
have always wanted some one too. And I don't know how I feel." Lance
finally leaned completely back on the sofa. He couldn't believe what he had
just said. JC feel back on the chair Lance had sat in.  He wasn't sure he
had heard right. "What do you mean you don't know how you feel? How you
feel about what?" He almost sounded hopeful as he awaited Lance's
answer. Maybe Lance was feeling the same way. "I mean, that I don't know
how I feel. About everything. I don't know if how I feel." JC leaned closer
to Lance as he was waiting for more. "How you feel about us?" JC said
smiling a little too much. He wasn't sure, but had a feeling maybe Lance
did feel the same way he did. Lance had picked up on JC's thoughts. He
looked up at him and dropped his head again. His once dry eyes were
starting the water works. "No JC, I mean how I feel about us remaining
friends."

	That brought things to a dead stop. To JC, the world had actually
stopped turning. After about five minutes sitting there, JC noticed he was
having trouble breathing. He had actually forgotten to breathe. That was
how deeply he was thinking about what Lance had just said. Lance looked up
and broke the silence. "Say something. Please." Lance practically begged at
JC. He was almost sad he had thoughts about their friendship. "Say what?
Say.... No. I am not going to make some big speech. We have talked enough
and I guess you have made your decision." JC got up and started to walk
out. Lance stood up and grabbed his arm. "No, don't go. Stay here. I was
wrong. I don't want you to go. Stay here. Stay here with me." Lance said
getting closer. Him and JC were inches away from each other, both with
tears, and both trying to express their love for each other through
friendship, and true love. Then JC stepped back. He thought as he broke
away that that could have been the moment. The moment that could have
changed everything. But he also thought Lance would never say he doubted
their friendship. So he was not always right. He stared at Lance who just
stared back. JC reached out his hand and rubbed Lance's cheek. Lance didn't
move. He almost enjoyed the feel, but not romantically. He stood there
wishing that in himself he could love JC like he was loved by JC. He really
wanted to return this love, because it was true love. Even though it was
with a guy, Lance didn't care. He had never found himself attracted to
anyone before. And he didn't know if he was attracted now to JC. But he was
closer than he had ever been.  He did know that. Before he had a chance to
say something, or stop JC, he had turned around.  Lance watched as JC's
back gain distance from him. Before he knew it, the sound of the door made
him jump and JC was gone.

Back To Justin And Me :)

	We both met at the kitchen and proceeded to have breakfast as he
had done before, but Justin had to be difficult. Fortunately, again he
wanted something that I didn't have on the table. I did however, as I
picked him up and sat him down on the edge of the table. We must have
stayed there necking for most of the morning and by the time we finished;
we were in no mood for breakfast. Justin wouldn't even eat cereal. What
have I done to him? I laughed to myself as I thought. "So, what do you say
we hop in your car, since we left mine, drive around until we see something
we want, then we go and get." Justin said, most likely not talking much
about the sights.  I smiled as I agreed. We had both decided we had a
little less than a week to be just by ourselves.  After that we would have
to meet up with the guys, so this week we would not worry about planning
what to do, we would be together and find something. I think we would both
enjoy it. Just as we were getting of the couch, however, Justin's cell
phone rang. "Um, hold on, it might be important. I am sorry." He said
looking at me as he saw the disappointment. I don't really wanna have to
cut our time short together because of work. I knew that is what it had to
be. I guess I would have to get used to it. I knew this would happen a
lot. These thoughts were all interrupted as he hung up and turned to
me. "That was JC."

	My face must have expressed 20 different emotions and I don't think
any of them looked good. I know Justin saw this as he fell back down on the
couch. He bought his hand to his head and looked annoyed. "That was the guy
wasn't it?" He asked before looking up at me. I was confused.  "What do you
mean, the guy?" I asked as it started to dawn on what he was talking
about. "You know what guy, the guy in your dream. The guy I ran off with. I
never asked, but now I think it is important I know." I sighed and sat next
to him. "Justin, it's hard you know. I am still having trouble believing
that we are together. I am with the man I love. That is hard to get through
my head. So, I am still almost waiting for me to wake up or you to leave. I
can't help it but that is what I feel. So, yeah. JC was the guy you left
with." Justin sighed and put his arms around me.  "Listen." I stopped him
for I knew what he was going to say. "I don't think so anymore. I know you
are staying. I know you love me. It's just that name still kinda makes me
weird." Justin smiled.  "Does this mean we can go help him." Justin got
suddenly went serious. "What do you mean we?  You want me to go?" I was
surprised. I thought maybe this was a best friend thing and I would be in
the way. He just smiled. "Of course I want you to go. I want you with me
wherever I go. And JC needs friends I am sure. That means more than one and
you need to become friends with him. This has got to end." He was right. I
patted his knew and stood up. He still just sat there as I turned and
smiled. I put my hand out and he took it. "Let's go." Hey said kissing me
before we walked out the door.

	Soon we were speeding to JC. We had gone almost 20 miles before I
decided to ask. "So, you gonna tell me where we are going?" I asked. He
knew it was coming. He exhaled and began to explain. "Well, JC didn't tell
me all, but it was really upset. He is staying at some motel close to
Lance's house. He said something major had happened. I don't know anymore
about it. But this is good for us. We are best friends. I mean, we both had
to tell all, and then we found out we are both gay, and that was it. We
haven't talked about anything since. We need this time to get back on track
as friends, and to start a new friendship with you. Because you are not
going anywhere." I loved the thought of him saying that. "No, I am not." I
said and placed my hand on his. We continued on our way.

JC's Hotel Room

	JC sat there crying. He still couldn't believe he had walked
out. He didn't know if that moment him and Lance shared could have turned
into something, but that was all he thought about.  He shook these thoughts
out of his mind very quickly. Lance had said he wasn't gay. He said that he
didn't feel that way towards JC. But how could he question their
friendship? That was just wrong. He thought they had something
special. Lance and JC had a friendship as close as JC and Justin were. That
was how JC felt anyway. Lance obviously didn't feel the same. Otherwise he
would have never said that JC's feelings were putting anything in
jeopardy. He just couldn't understand. KNOCK KNOCK! That was the sound that
brought JC back to reality. He knew it had to be Justin. That was the only
person who knew he was there. To think of his surprise when he opened the
door to see Lance.

	Justin and I had just pulled into the parking lot. We had the room
number so we just went up the stairs and straight to the room. As we turned
the finally corner, we saw Lance standing outside JC's doorway. Justin
quickly went back around the corner so as not to be seen. "Why aren't we
going?" I asked not knowing why it mattered that Lance was there. "JC said
that something major happened with him and somebody else. I am willing to
bet that the other person was Lance." I nodded knowing how we should step
out if Lance is that other person.

	"Alright JC. We need to talk. this time you need to listen!" Lance
said stepping through the door. JC shut the door not knowing what to
prepare for.

TBC. Sorry this is short. I have had to deal with a lot of stuff. Please
try to understand. E-mails go to mlnscrm@aol.com. Hey, if anybody wants,
talk to me on:

AOL: Screen Name- mlnscrm ICQ- 39815104