Date: Sat, 05 Feb 2000 22:10:31 CST From: Peter Kamphuis Subject: Kevin and Justin - Chapter 10 All the usual disclaimers apply: Please stop reading if you are underage or homophobic. This is a work of fiction - nothing is being implied about the sexuality of any of the people portrayed below. Author's notes: --------------- Well, it's been a long time coming, but here's Chapter 10! That's the good news... Now for the bad... This is going to be hard to say, but I guess I have to... It might soon be time to wrap this story up. There hasn't been a lot of feedback lately, and only one person has given me any constructive criticism... I can only assume that I'm getting to the end of my run, and everyone has either lost interest, or I've lost 'the plot'... I'll try to keep going, as I think there's a lot more to write about in this relationship, but unless there's an indication from any/all of you that I'm not wasting my time, then I'll start thinking of a 'wrap-up' chapter to end the series on. Regardless, it has been fun (and nerve-wracking on occasion!) to put my 'vision' into print, even if it's only 'electronic'. Thanks for all your ongoing support and comments. Oh, and finally, I have to apologise for the lengthy 'Previously:' section below, but I have to cover everything of importance that happened in the previous chapter... -Peter *************************************** Previously: Kevin reaches the hotel, where he collapses onto his bed in exhaustion. He cries his heart out at the unfairness of not being with Justin, and ends up falling into an exhausted sleep. After rehearsals and an extremely long interview, Justin and the others get back to the hotel. 'N Sync go to bed, but Justin finds himself leading the BSB guys to his room to check up on Kev. He asks them to wait outside while he checks. He discovers his Boo has cried himself to sleep and breaks down himself. A.J. and the others wait for a long time for Justin to come back out, but he doesn't. Finally A.J. takes the initiative and says that he'll check on Kev and gets the guys to wait in his room. He discovers Justin crying over Kevin's bed, and realises that Justin loves Kev. When he tries to comfort Justin, Justin points to Kevin's pillow and A.J. finds out that Kevin has cried himself to sleep. He breaks down in shock, as he finally grasps that Kev is hurting badly. He gets Justin into bed, and then apologises to Kevin, even though Kev is asleep, before leaving. Before he goes, he looks back and hears Justin softly cry out 'Boo' in a hurt voice. He starts crying harder and flees the room. He runs back to his suite and locks himself into his bedroom, shocking the guys who were waiting for him. Nick gets upset hearing A.J. crying into his pillow and runs back to his own room, where he also ends up crying himself to sleep. Brian is left to sleep on the couch. The next morning, Brian heads over and fills Kevin in on what happened the night before. As he relates the story, he starts crying, and Kevin tells him to go to sleep, as Brian got very little sleep during the night. Kevin notices the stain marks caused by Brian's tears and instantly recognises them as being the same as those he saw on Justin's sheets and pillows when he woke up that morning. He falls apart as he realises that Justin has also cried himself to sleep. Meanwhile, Nick wakes up and jumps to the conclusion that Kevin may have died last night! He races across to Kev's suite and is happy to see that Kev is alive. But when he notices how much pain Kevin is in, he starts sobbing. Kevin has to drag him out of the bedroom, so that he doesn't wake up the sleepers. Nick confesses his fears to Kevin. Kevin apologises to him, causing Nick to vehemently proclaim that Kevin doesn't need to apologise for anything! When Kevin finally escapes from Nick's death-like grip, he attempts to lighten the situation. Privately, Nick wonders how much longer Kevin can live with such pain before going insane... or dying! Kevin & Justin - Chapter 10 --------------------------- Sleep hadn't been kind to A.J... He woke up sore, tired and the same way he had gone to sleep: crying. He couldn't stop the tears from falling as he recalled the scene in Kevin's and Justin's bedroom the night before. Not only was Kevin hurting so much that he had cried himself to sleep, but Justin's love for Kev was so poignant that he felt a sense of awe and tragedy. He had never thought that Justin was gay. It just wasn't something that he would consider of a person he had just met. But that didn't worry him; Justin's sexuality was his own concern. What worried him was that Justin's love, which had shone forth so clearly last night, might not be returned. He didn't know the way Kevin expressed his sexuality; he hadn't really paid any attention to whether Kev looked more at men or women. Hell, until the other day, he hadn't paid much attention to Kevin, full stop! It wouldn't bother him if Kevin were gay. He wasn't one to worry about things he couldn't change. Just like no-one would be able to convince him to give up women, he knew no-one could convince a gay man to give up men. It was just a fact of life. But if Kevin wasn't gay and didn't feel the same way as Justin, then Justin would die! Maybe not in a physical sense, although depression was known to be the cause of many suicides, but certainly in a metaphysical way. A.J. was a firm believer in 'souls' and 'soulmates'. He knew that Justin's 'soul' would die if Kevin did not love him in the same way. Even Justin's closest friends wouldn't be able to prevent him from losing the sparkle that made him uniquely 'him'. He closed his eyes and felt the tears start falling again as he replayed the scene. Justin's heartbroken look as he lay staring at Kevin, with the tears coursing down his face was enough to bring a stronger man than A.J. to his knees. A sudden knock on the front door brought him back to his senses. "Yeah?" he called, as he walked out to the front door, wiping away his tears and trying to make himself presentable. He opened the door on Lance's smiling face. "Morning! Will you be joining us for breakfast?" Lance asked. "Yeah, I'll be there. Just got to shower first." "Okay. It's going to be in Kev's room again, in around 15 minutes." A.J. opened his mouth and closed it just as quickly. He couldn't say anything without having to explain why he didn't think it was a good idea. He just nodded. Lance nodded back and moved on. *-*-* Lance smiled and walked over to the next door, hearing A.J.'s door close in the background. His smile evaporated as he considered what he had just seen. A.J.'s eyes were puffy, as if from crying, and his clothes looked heavily creased and rumpled - he must have slept in them... And his reaction at where they'd be eating, though swiftly covered, was deeply unsettling... *-*-* Howie was awoken from his restless sleep by a knocking on the door. He made his way to the front door almost on autopilot. "Yeah?" he croaked, trying to blink the heavy fog out of his eyes. Lance's smiling face was not welcome this early in the morning. "Wakey, wakey sunshine. It's time to head off for breakfast and then some more rehearsals. Oh yeah!" "I hate you Lance. Go away." Lance chuckled. "If you're going to join us for breakfast, it will be in Kev's room in around 15 minutes. Otherwise, just sleep in for another half hour, then get ready." Howie closed the door on Lance's bright and cheery face, without bothering to acknowledge him. He would have dearly loved to get more sleep, but he knew from past experience that 'concert day' was a hell of a day to get through without breakfast. *-*-* Kevin opened the door and saw a waiter standing outside with a trolley full of food. He indicated that the waiter could enter. "Thanks," he said, giving the waiter his tip and closing the door behind him. He walked over and sat down next to Nick on the couch. "Are you going to wake the others?" Nick asked. He and Kevin had settled back down to a semblance of normality. "No. They'll be here soon enough I think." At Nick's confused look, he explained. "I didn't order the food, so I'm guessing that Lance or Joey are responsible. They'd have also woken everyone up by now." "Ah," said Nick. A knock on the door at that moment was enough to set them grinning. Nick got up and waved Kevin to sit back down. He opened the door to see a concerned looking Lance. Lance's face miraculously cleared as he noticed Nick. "Oh, so there you are! I didn't get any answer when I called your room. And no-one opened the door when I knocked earlier. I was starting to get worried." Nick let him walk past him, into the lounge room. "No, I'm right here," he said unnecessarily. "Is Brian here too? I don't see him..." asked Lance, glancing at both Nick and Kevin. "Morning Lance," Kevin said, causing Lance to blush at his bad manners. "Yes, Brian is also here, but he's catching up on a few extra minutes of sleep." Kevin didn't feel like telling Lance that Brian had been asleep now for nearly an hour. "Oh okay. Morning guys, sorry about that." Both Nick and Kevin indicated it wasn't a problem. "The others should be here any moment," Lance continued. He spotted the trolley and walked over and started piling food onto a plate. Nick thought that was a wonderful idea and joined him. Kevin looked back over his shoulder at the closed bedroom door. Though he didn't feel like walking back in there, he knew he had to. If someone else went in there to wake them, they'd see the wet spots on his bed from Brian's tears, and the dry tear stain marks on Justin's bed. He got up and opened the door to the bedroom, hesitating only for a moment before going in. He walked up to his own bed first and gently shook his cousin. "Brian, it's time for breakfast." Brian's eyes opened slightly. "Do you want to get up, or rest some more? We have to leave in about 30 minutes. That won't leave you much time to shower, eat and pack." Brian sat up. "Can I use your bathroom?" Kevin looked across to Justin. "As long as you're quick. Justin will also need to grab a shower." Brian nodded. Kevin stood up and located a robe and boxers for Brian. He handed them over and let Brian stumble into the ensuite. He approached Justin's bed, every step feeling heavier than the last. Before he could reach out to touch Justin, the bedroom door opened and JC pushed his head in. "Hi Kev. Trying to wake Sleeping Beauty are you?" Josh asked as he approached Justin's bed and looked down at the sleeping figure. He didn't notice the mixture of relief and pain that quickly crossed Kevin's features. "Umm, yeah Josh." "That's okay. I can do it if you'd like? You go out and grab some breakfast. Nick said that you'd been up for a while now - you must be starving." Kevin would have loved to tell JC where to go, but knew he had no right to step in between the two lovers. "Okay Josh. Thanks." He hastily left the room before his emotions could be observed. He had to pause at the doorway to compose himself before stepping out into the lounge. *-*-* JC sat down on Justin's bed and made sure that Kevin had left the room. He didn't want Kevin to see what he did next. The others often joked that there were only two ways to wake Justin, but JC knew that there was at least one other way. He gently reached across and started rubbing Justin's ear. That always woke him. As Justin's eyes popped open, JC's attention was drawn to a couple of funny looking marks on the bedsheets. "Morning sunshine. What're these?" he asked the sleepy figure, pointing to the marks. He noticed that there were similar marks on Justin's pillow. "And these?" His finger moved to point to the pillow. Justin looked down curiously at what JC was pointing at, and remembered! He broke into fresh tears and rolled over to cover his face. JC put two and two together... "Oh Curly. What happened? You didn't cry yourself to sleep did you?" he asked, feeling his heart tighten in sympathy to Justin's crying. Justin could only nod. He stretched out his arm and pointed to the other bed. Curious, JC got up and looked at the other bed. He saw matching marks on Kevin's pillow and sheets. He blinked in confusion. Why had they both cried themselves to sleep? He sat back down on Justin's bed and stroked his back. "Just, what happened? Why was Kevin crying? Why were *you* crying?" Justin managed to wipe the tears from his eyes and sat up in his bed. JC immediately hugged him tightly before separating and asking him again, "What happened?" "Josh, I don't know WHY he was crying! When we got back last night I just found him asleep on his bed. He had cried himself to sleep!" His voice trembled in preparation for another sob, but he controlled himself. "I just fell apart. When I saw his face and the damp areas where his tears had fallen, I just lost it! I don't know how long I just stood there crying..." Fresh tears fell from his eyes. "I probably would've still been standing there if A.J. hadn't come in." JC didn't like the sound of this. Kevin didn't know that Justin was gay, and considering he was asleep last night when Justin fell apart, he wouldn't have found out. But A.J.! A.J. was liable to figure out why Justin had been crying and might tell Kevin. "Go on," he prompted gently. "Well, A.J. came in and saw me standing there, unable to move. When he spoke, he startled me because I hadn't heard him come in. He then made sure that Kevin was covered: he probably wasn't comfortable seeing Kevin in the nude." Justin could see JC's shock at that piece of information, but pressed on. "He then asked me what was wrong and I could only point at the tear stains on Kevin's bed. He saw them and he started crying as well!" Justin was now too lost in his own thoughts to see the surprise on JC's face. JC couldn't imagine A.J. crying, no matter how much he tried. "He took it pretty badly I think. I don't think he appreciated how much pain Kevin has been feeling until he saw it for himself last night." JC only nodded. "He then noticed that I couldn't move and helped me into bed. He had to undress me too, because I didn't have the energy to do it. I had cried myself into exhaustion. "The last thing I can remember before I fell asleep was that I loved him so much, but he didn't want me! He was out of my reach!" "Oh Curly," whispered JC, shattered at the loss his best friend had suffered. He reached over and embraced his friend. They remained like that for several minutes, while Justin gathered his emotions back under control. Neither heard the ensuite door open, and Brian step out into the bedroom. Brian was surprised to see JC and Justin hugging. Though Kevin had told him that they were together, something had been keeping him from believing it... Now he had the proof before his eyes. "I love-" Justin stopped as he caught sight of Brian, standing there in one of Kevin's robes. JC looked up to see what had caused Justin to stop like that, and also noticed Brian. He pulled away from the hug quickly and flushed red in shock. It was bad enough that A.J. may have stumbled onto Justin's secret, but depending on how much Brian had heard, this would be the final nail in the coffin! Justin's reaction was worse. He just stared at Brian in horror before falling back down to the bed and hiding his face in the pillow, with tears of shame soaking into his pillowcase. Now Kevin would know for sure! Brian, who wasn't expecting JC to be there, hadn't paid any attention to them until he had stepped out of the ensuite. All he had managed to hear was Justin's aborted "I love-" and had jumped to the conclusion that Justin was about to tell JC, "I love you." That, added to the guilty flush on JC's face and Justin's reaction, was enough to convince him that Kevin had been right about them. His face turned dark red as his anger flared. He checked himself before he did anything stupid - like tell them how much Kevin loved Justin, and how much hurt he was suffering because of them! He just stared at the two of them for several long, intense seconds before he left the room. *-*-* A.J. had almost finished eating when he noticed Brian coming out of the bedroom, wearing one of Kevin's robes, and looking like a zombie. 'That's odd,' he thought. 'It looks like he's just showered, and he's still not dressed. I wonder what he was doing in Kev's bedroom?" He was too pre-occupied to worry about it for long. His other worries were far worse! First, he had Nick hanging around him like a bad smell, trying to cheer him up for some unknown reason! Well, not really - he could understand why Nick was acting this way, after he had locked himself into his bedroom last night... His second problem was that Howie was being extremely uncivil to everyone, including his own bandmates. Part of it could be attributed to a bad night, as Howie looked really bad this morning. In fact, he looked just as bad as Brian. The other part of it was Howie's natural reluctance to get involved in a problem unless personally invited to. Howie was avoiding him as if he had the plague. His third and most pressing problem was what he was going to do about Kevin and Justin... He sighed inwardly. He knew that Justin was in love - really in love - with Kevin, but if Kevin wasn't gay, or even if he was, but not interested in Justin, then it would cause a lot of heartache. He couldn't see how the two of them would be able to work together for the several months that the tour would run. He needed to do something about this before things deteriorated. "Kevin, can I please speak to you for a moment? In private?" The general level of conversation dipped for a moment, then renewed as if nothing had happened. "Sure. Let's go out to the balcony." They placed their plates on the coffee table and stood up. Kevin led them outside, closing the door and walking over to a table and chairs situated in the corner. "What's up?" he asked as he sat down. He hoped it wouldn't be about last night... Though he desperately wanted to know what A.J. had seen or heard to make him lock himself in his bedroom and cry, he didn't want to bring it up. He waited patiently for A.J. to sit and compose himself. "Kev, I don't know how to tell you this, or even if I should, but I think I really need to..." A.J. stopped, unsure if he was able to go through with it. "What is it Alex? What do you need to tell me?" Kevin asked in concern. "Well, I discovered something that..." Again, after having decided to take the plunge, A.J. petered out. "A.J. just spit it out," Kevin advised, liking this less and less. "Justin is gay!" Kevin looked stunned for a moment at the suddenness of the proclamation, and the fact that A.J. knew it. He already knew of course, so it wasn't really a surprise to him. "Yeah, I know." "You know?" A.J. did the classic double take at the news, before his expression turned confused. "Yeah, I know he's gay," Kevin said, shrugging, and wondering how he could steer the conversation away from this topic? He was feeling too vulnerable. If A.J. carried this any further he might stumble onto his secret. "How long have you known?" asked a confused A.J. He was momentarily thrown and didn't know how to proceed. The only thing he knew was that Kevin knew about Justin and Justin was heartbroken. Were the two facts related? "Since yesterday morning... Why?" Kevin was starting to sweat lightly, even though it was quite cool outside. He wasn't ready to come out to the world! Why had A.J. brought this up? "No reason," A.J. responded quietly. 'Hell, if Kev has known all this time, then that means that he either doesn't love Justin, or he's straight,' thought A.J. He considered the two possibilities and decided that it was probably the latter. That was the only reasonable explanation for the sadness and grief showing in Justin's eyes last night. Kevin must have rejected Justin's advances... He suddenly felt an overwhelming sense of despair settle over him. Justin would be devastated... what was he saying? Justin was already devastated! And though he couldn't blame Kevin for not returning Justin's feelings, he felt a sense of anger nonetheless. He had been so certain that they were true soulmates; nothing short of that deep attachment could produce the effect he had seen in Justin the previous night. And generally when someone has found their soulmate, then it follows that the second person has also found theirs. But for some reason it wasn't the case with these two! He could feel his anger and despair mounting. He felt like seizing Kevin by the scruff of his neck and telling him to go back in there and to love Justin the same way that Justin loved him! The feeling was so overpowering it was scary... "A.J. what's wrong?" asked Kevin in genuine concern. He didn't like what he was seeing in A.J.'s expression. "Nothing Kev, nothing. Just got to think some things through." He had to get his emotions under control. He couldn't take it out on Kevin. He couldn't force Kevin to love someone against his will, even though what he had seen last night would haunt him for a long time to come. Kevin, in turn, was shaking slightly in fear. If A.J.'s reaction to Justin being gay was any guide, then he was glad that he hadn't come out to his bandmates. He'd be totally devastated if A.J. reacted the same way to him being gay. He pushed all his fears deep down. No-one else must find out about him! A.J. was so concerned about Justin's feelings and what might happen to him because of Kevin's rejection, that he totally forgot to ask Kevin why he had left the stadium early the day before, whether or not he had really been sick, and why he had cried himself to sleep? In the following days, when he remembered the questions, he (incorrectly) assumed that it was all related to Kevin not accepting Justin's homosexuality... He'd be the same if a very close friend like Howie suddenly professed his love for him and wanted A.J. to love him in return, against his will. Deep in thought, they both joined the rest of the guys. *-*-* "How much do you think he heard?" asked a still sobbing Justin, looking up from his pillow. "I don't know Curly. I don't know..." "Do you think he heard me say that I loved Kevin?" "Well, I don't think you actually said Kevin's name, but he would have heard you start to say it. And depending on how long he was listening, he could know who you were referring to," JC acknowledged. "Oh God Josh! What do I do now?" he cried plaintively. "I don't know Curly. I have no idea where we can go from here..." *-*-* Lance was starting to get restless. JC and Justin were taking their sweet time! Brian had informed him that Justin was awake, so why weren't they out here already? The groups only had about 10 more minutes before they had to leave! He wasn't the only one wondering what was keeping them... Joey's mind started to work overtime. This was another occasion when the two of them had spent time alone. What was happening? Could it be that they were...? Joey instantly dismissed the idea. No way could they be gay! He left the suite to start packing his belongings, but his subconscious mind refused to let the matter drop. Lance sighed and looked across at the bedroom door again. At that precise moment he saw them both come into the lounge. It looked like Justin had taken a shower, but his face still appeared either unwashed, or puffier than usual. And why had JC remained in the bedroom while Justin showered? JC hadn't eaten breakfast yet - that was definitely out of character for him! He sighed again as he watched them start piling food onto plates. "You've got about 7 minutes max to eat all that. Or else, you'll have to take it with you and finish it in the limo." The two of them shrugged at Lance's comment as they walked over to sit on the couch. They were quite happy to take the food with them and eat it in the limousine. Brian entered just then, after having gone to his suite to get dressed. He was ready to go - he had eaten and showered in record time this morning, and had just finished packing. Pity he still felt like shit from lack of sleep... He noticed the two lovebirds sitting on the couch eating their breakfast, and occasionally throwing odd looks in his direction. He couldn't care less. They had caused Kevin to suffer so much hurt that he felt like hurting them back. Kevin had been a basket case before, when he was only worried about coming out... Now he had this additional pain! He looked away from them; it was frightening how easy he felt about causing them some physical pain! But he had to remember his cousin's feelings in all this - he had to endure it, for Kevin's sake. He walked to the kitchen to get a glass of water. There, he bumped into Kevin, who was trying very hard to hide the shaking his body was suffering. "Hey Cuz, what's wrong?" Brian asked softly as he gathered Kevin into a hug. Kevin could think of a lot of things that were wrong! But the reason he was crying and shaking was because of what he had seen this morning before Nick had interrupted him. He hadn't got it completely out of his system. "When you went to sleep on my bed, I noticed that your tears were causing a stain to appear on my pillow. It only hit me then that I had seen the same sort of marks on Justin's sheets and pillow. "Bri," he paused, his voice becoming lost and full of pain, "he must have cried himself to sleep!" Brian hugged his cousin tighter in sympathy, as Kevin's tears finally spilled over and he started crying. He angrily wiped away the tears that had formed in his own eyes. He knew his cousin loved Justin - his hurt and tearful expression confirming it beyond all doubt. But Justin was also causing Kevin to suffer like he had never suffered before! Why was this all happening? Why was Kevin, who deserved to be happy more than anyone else he knew, left to suffer like this? They both parted as they heard footsteps approaching. They hurriedly wiped away their tears and tried to make their expressions appear neutral, but the effects of their crying were still visible when Justin entered the kitchen. He panicked when he saw the two of them together and the expressions on their faces. He could imagine all too well, what they had just discussed. His world was collapsing around him! He excused himself and left the kitchen in a hurry - he didn't want to cause Kevin any more pain. If he stayed away from Kevin, maybe Kevin would come to accept that he only wanted to be friends. He couldn't hurt his Boo by trying to force him into liking him against his will. *-*-* "That was quick," said JC. "I'm not thirsty anymore," Justin replied. JC knew that something had happened from Justin's posture and behaviour... But there wasn't anything he could do while the others were still around - even though most of the guys had left to get their gear packed. "Well, we're almost ready to go. Are you packed yet? We're not coming back to the hotel after the concert," he reminded Justin. Justin welcomed the diversion. He ran to his bedroom and started placing all his clothes, toiletries and laundry back into his suitcase. In amongst all his gear was the robe Kevin had given him to wear the previous morning. He debated about returning it to Kevin, as it now held a special significance to him. It was the only part of Kevin that he could get close to without causing Boo any further suffering. He placed it lovingly in his suitcase and then zippered the suitcase shut. He was already outside in the hall before Kevin entered the bedroom to gather his own belongings. *-*-* JC caught up with Justin before he reached the limo. He had had to detour into his own room to collect his already packed suitcase, and to drop off his room key to Lance (along with Justin's) - a routine that was old hat by now. He and Curly got their suitcases loaded into the boot and entered the limo. They were the first ones there. "Just, what happened up there? What did you see in the kitchen?" "*They* were in there and it looked like they were talking about me," Justin said, feeling his composure start to crack. "Who's 'they'?" JC asked. He could guess one of them was Kevin, but the other one might have been either A.J. or Brian. "Brian and Boo," Justin replied, wretchedly. "Why do you think they were talking about you?" "Because Boo had been crying. When I saw Kev, he had just wiped the tears from his eyes. Brian must have told him about what he heard this morning..." "I don't know Just... They could have been talking about anything," JC replied, though he didn't think it likely. "Then why was Kevin crying?" "I don't know Curly. And unfortunately I don't know of any way to find out. Just promise me that you won't jump to any conclusions! They really could have been talking about something else. Maybe about whatever had caused Kevin to cry himself to sleep..." JC said, knowing he was clutching at straws. Justin just nodded, taking his point into consideration. "So what do I do now?" "Well, just try to act normal, as if nothing has happened. If Brian hasn't told Kevin anything, then he'll be acting his normal self, won't he? So wait and see how he acts, and how he interacts with you, before you go borrowing trouble." "Okay, that's a good idea..." "And whatever you do Curly, try to act like you would normally act around the BSB guys, and our guys too. We'll be touring together for a long time. We can't let anyone get suspicious about what's troubling you or how you feel for Kevin." Justin nodded his head in understanding. As far as the world would be concerned, he and Kevin would just be friends - hopefully good friends, but friends nonetheless. Deep in his heart, he could admit to himself that no-one would be able to take the place of his angel. He would love Boo for the rest of his life! *-*-* "Are you okay Cuz?" Brian asked, as they walked down the hallway at a funereal pace. They were the last ones to leave their rooms. "Yeah, I guess I will be Bri." "Are you sure? You don't really sound convinced." "I have to be! Nothing can come of this." He paused. "At least the torture of sharing a room with him is over. I know we'll be sleeping in the same room on the bus, but we'll all be sleeping in it, and sharing the same living space, so it probably won't get too painful. "And hopefully, over time, I can come to accept him as just a friend." Kevin doubted his own words. They entered the elevator and Brian pressed the button for the ground floor. "Kev, I'm so sorry this has happened to you. However, I think you're heading in the right direction. It's best that you put this all behind you and concentrate on the future. Maybe you'll find someone else whom you can love and who loves you back?" He knew that no-one would grab Kevin's heart the same way that Justin had, but he had to get his cousin to start thinking in a more positive way. Kevin whirled to the bank of buttons and jabbed the 'Stop' button. The elevator abruptly stopped moving. "No, you're wrong on all counts Brian!" Kevin's angry tone surprised Brian. "I'll never love anyone else! Never! Not even a glimmer of the way that I love Justin! And though I'm trying to concentrate on my future, as you've pointed out, it's because of necessity, not because I want to! "And most of all, though YOU may feel sorry for me, *I* don't!" Kevin's voice was rock hard and his eyes glimmered as tears started forming. "I'm not sorry that I love Justin! I'm not sorry that I've had this opportunity to meet the man that I will love for the rest of my life! "I'm sorry about a lot of things, especially about him not returning my feelings, but I'm not sorry about my love for him!" He slumped to the floor, unable to keep his body upright. His body shook as it was wracked by his sobs. Brian could only stare, through his own tears, as his cousin's soul was laid bare in front of him. He felt as if he would go mad with the grief he could feel coming from Kevin! But no matter how much hurt he felt, Kevin would be feeling this hurt a thousand- fold. How could Kevin remain sane with all this pain inside him? End - Chapter 10 Okay, okay... I know a lot of you are going to start thinking that I *AM* sadistic after this part, but honestly, I'm not! And I promise that there will only be one 'sad' part in the next chapter! :)