Date: Tue, 21 Dec 1999 19:53:37 EST
From: CaRtOoN80@aol.com
Subject: life as I know it 5

Life as I Know It 5 -Letting Go

	I looked over at Josh's beaming face and felt the soft sweet skin
on his beautiful cheeks. I smiled and sighed as his face went closer to
mine our lips pressed together, and for a tender moment, I could feel his
love through his lips. Soon, the kisses went from romantic, too heated and
more rough. Then he slowly pushed off my lips and grasps the hardness in my
pants. He smiled as he started kissing my chest and headed down towards the
stiffness of my cock. In one quick swoop, he engulfed it completely and
started working on my cock. I closed my eyes in ecstasy as I enjoyed the
feeling of Josh's mouth covering my dick. Then, I came hard, breathless
almost. When I caught my breath, I smiled and looked down to see Rob.  I
looked in his eyes in fear, before he calmed me down.

	"It's ok, babe," Rob smiled, "it's ok to love him."

	Then my alarm clock woke me up. I made sure this time no music came
on, due to the fact that music was supposedly, "crippling" my love
life. But then again, I knew it was just me. As I took off my sheets, I
realized that I creamed myself, thick, sticky cum where plastered on my
hand, the sheet, and sort of on my stomach.

	"Shit," I whispered as I got up.

	I licked the remains of my dream and washed the rest off in the
shower. I went to my closet and took out some clothes. And got dressed. As
I headed towards the kitchen, the telephone rang.

	"Hello?"

	"Dylan," Rachel beamed, "hey, how are you?"

	"I'm doing good, and yourself?"

	"Great. Drew, Jessie, and I are settled in LA. You have to come
visit soon, you know."

	"I plan on it. Well, I know this call wasn't just for an
invite. What's going on?"

	"Well, when is the last time you talked to Josh?"

	"Well, about two weeks ago when he left. Why?"

	"Well, I talked to him yesterday. The first time since Drew and I
left Florida. He told me his side, so I want to hear yours."

	"Are you instigating?"

	"Maybe. Listen, I am just looking out for the both of you. I mean
Josh really fell for you. He fell for you hard, and I know you like
him. You told me yourself, but from what Josh told me, you just totally
distanced yourself. Why?"

	"Rachel, you are a good friend to Josh and me. I really appreciate
it a lot, so don't take this the wrong way, but I would rather not talk
about it to anyone, and that includes you."

	"Not even Drew? My goodness, Dylan. Whatever is stopping you from
finding happiness needs to be talked about."

	"When I am ready. Listen, I have to go to work, ok. I'll call you
later."

	With that, I hung up the telephone. I looked at the time and
realized that I didn't even have time to eat breakfast. I hopped in my car
and drove on to do errands before I had to head to work. First, I stopped
briefly at the music store to pick up the new "Savage Garden" CD. I had
been wanting that CD so bad; I just had to get it today. Then it was on to
the jewelry store to pick Jessica up some nice earrings. Then, lastly, went
to a little boutique where I picked her up a nice blouse.

	As I headed to the studio that she was going to be at, I decided to
play the "Savage Garden" CD.  As I opened it, I looked at the cover that
talked about their two new hits, "I Knew I Loved You" and "The Animal
Song," both of which I didn't remember hearing. I slipped in the CD and put
it on number seven.

	When I heard the drums in the beginning, I knew the bass had to be
turned up, as well as the volume. As I drove, it was just extremely
relaxing.

	I got there, just as Jessica did.

	"Hey, cool song. Who sings it," she asked me.

	"Savage Garden. I just got the CD," I smiled back.

	"And where is mine," she looked harshly at me.

	"I- uh, I don't have it,' I smiled coyly.

	She returned the smile as she reached into her jeep and pulled out
one of her CD's.

	"There, now you can hear me," she laughed.

	I laughed with her as I exited my car. We headed to the studio,
where we had a meeting. During the meeting, the question of my job came up.

	"The problem is," one of the execs pointed out, "is that this man
is also responsible for quick changes as well as clothing Ms. Simpson. We
cannot have this young man in the dressing room with her.  That may cause a
scandal."

	"I think he can handle it," Jessica defended me. "I mean it's not
like he has this long list on sexual harassment cases or anything like
that."

	"Well still, Ms. Simpson, the media would have a field day with
this. We need to be careful."

	"Well, would it be better if I am gay," I asked.

	Everyone looked shocked, including the exec.

	"Listen, I like this job. The people are nice and the fact that I
am paid to shop is rewarding. But let's face the fact that me helping
Jessica change and yet not having the stereotypical gayness about me will
cause some media backlash. That is, if I was famous. I think you are
overreacting about this. Jessica is famous, now. Sure, but I am not. There
are a lot of guys doing my job for women in the industry and you don't here
about their `scandals.'"

	"I agree with Turner," Mr. Appellate said, "he's done a good job so
far, why change. Now on to the next subject."


	When we got out of the meeting, I used the dressing room couch to
lay down for awhile. I looked up at the ceiling and sighed, before I fell
asleep. When I woke up, I was in my bed at my room. I looked to the other
side of the bed and saw nothing. Then I looked ahead and saw Rob, with a
backpack.

	"Robin," I asked, "where are you going?"

	"It's time for you to move on, honey," he smiled as he looked at
me. "I've been gone for some time now. You need to move on as well and it
seems you cannot do that with me around it seems."

	"So you're packing up and leaving me?"

	"Dill, I have to. Josh is a wonderful man. He's cute, sweet, and he
likes you a lot. He may even love you and you love him. Yet, your love for
me is not even giving him the chance to get to know you. So I have to
leave."

	"You can't leave. Whether I am with him or anybody else I will
always love you and you will always be in my heart."

	"Yes, but your heart is big and needs to be shared with not just me
and your family. But with everyone, you will learn to love. I will stay
with you if you can give yourself a chance to really learn how you feel for
Josh. Can you do that?"

	I woke up from the dream just as Jessica came in.

	"Are you ready for tonight, Dylan," she asked with a smile.

	"Sure am," I sighed as I rose from the couch and helped Jessica
change.


	I took a seat in the VIP section of the audience as Jessica's song
started. A single spotlight shined right at her face as her lips started to
move. And for the first time, I heard the words to the song.

You set my soul at ease Chased darkness out of view Left your desperate
spell on me Say you feel it to I know you do

	While hearing the song, I went to flashbacks of Josh. Of when I
first met him, when we bonded.  When he helped me after my accident. Soon
it was becoming apparently clear what I wanted.

I wanna love you forever And this is all I'm asking of you 10,000 lifetimes
together Is that so much for you to do?  Cuz from the moment that I saw
your face And felt the fire in your sweet embrace I swear I knew.  I'm
gonna love you forever

	The second the chorus of the song ended, I knew what I wanted. I
knew the fate of my live, no matter where it led, was always to be sided
with Josh. I snuck out of the concert area and headed towards my new cell
hone. I dialed Rachel's cell number and Drew picked up.

	"Hello, Rachel Turner's office. How may I direct your call," Drew
said.

	"Hello, fruitcake. Is Rachel there?"

	"Dill! Um, yeah, but she's in a meeting. What's up, buddy. Can I
help?"

	"Can you get me Josh's phone number?"

	"Hold on," Drew said as I heard ruffling in the background. "I
can't find the number, but- hold on.  I have another call."

	Drew clicked over. He was on the other line for a few minutes
before he came back.

	"Listen, I would like to help. So, I'll have Rachel call you at
your house in about an hour. Can you make it?"

	"Sure. Thanks a lot, Drew."

	I hung up and went back to the concert. All I could do, however is
think of Josh and how much I cared for him. When I got out of the concert,
I hurried back home. When I got thirsty, I stopped at a mini- market. I
parked in the parking lot. As I got out, I looked across the street and
thought I saw Josh's car.  Then I realized it was Josh. I smiled and
started heading towards him, until I saw another man exit his car.  He
walked around towards Josh and held his hand out. It looked as if Josh
handed him a roll of dollar bills before the man kisses him softly on the
lips. The man smiled as he got into the car next to Josh's. Then Josh
entered his car and drove off.

	I, however, stood there in shock. I mean the last I heard from him
he said he wasn't going to give up on me. Now he's paying a hooker to have
sex with. I was confused and didn't know what to do. I was also mad at the
fact I was going to surrender my feelings to him. I walked in and bought
some juice to, hopefully, calm myself down. Then I walked into the car and
drove home. As I walked to the door, I saw Josh they're standing with a
smile.

	"Long time now see, huh," he smiled.


To Be Continued