DISCLAIMER: This story is pure fiction and any resemblance to person's living or dead is because I wrote it like that. I have the power to do with these celebrities, as I wish as long as I put this disclaimer before I write it. I don't know the sexual preferences of any of the celebrities I have written about nor do I care considering that I will never meet any of them. Oh yea, don't do drugs.




Scott had been walking around in the rain for hours. Where he was going was a mystery even to him. He knew that he had a show to do that night but he didn't care. Nothing mattered right now but his pain. And his guilt, both of those emotions he held on to like it was the only things keeping him sane.

His red streaked blonde hair was hanging down in his eyes causing him to constantly push it out of his face. His fitted white T was soaked through and you could see every muscle of his back. His dime-sized nipples were hard from the rain and his leather pants were by this time completely ruined. As well he didn't realize all this because his favorite python skinned boots were ruined from all the rain and mud he had been walking in.

Scott kept playing the conversation with Justin over and over in his mind. Why didn't he understand? Justin never had his cousin die in his arms. All Scott wanted was some sympathy for all his pain. Why didn't he understand?

Walking around aimlessly, he had somehow made a full circle. He was back at the hotel. Staring at the resort, he stood there in the rain. Not wanting to go back inside, he didn't want to see Justin. No, he didn't want to see Justin at all.

So, he stood out in the rain like a scared little kid. Sometimes, you just can't break old habits. Sometimes.


"Just, are you in there?" Chris asked as he banged on the door for the fifth time that afternoon.

Walking away from the door he went back into Joey's room where the rest of the guys were at except for Jc.

"Did he answer?" Joey asked, as he looked up from the TV.

Shaking his head, Chris sat down on the couch next to Lance.

"Don't worry, he's probably out with that Scott guy." Lance offered as he patted Chris's knee.

"Yea," Joey interjected. "Getting it on."

"Oh, Scott. You're so good." Joey mimicked.

All the guys laughed at Joey's stupid comment. "Yea, I think you're right. Oh, well, he deserves his fun like all the rest of us." Lance said.

"As long as he knows that tomorrow its back to the ole grind." "Jesus, Lance! Do you always have to remind us about work?" Chris complained.

"Someone has too, all you two fucko's think about is money and pussy. Jc has his head up his own ass half the time and the other half it's up Justin's. Justin is too involved with his own life to worry about it. Look's like I'm the only one left." Lance explained with satisfaction.

At that instant, Jc bounded through the doorway and quickly demanded, "Have anyone seen Justin lately?"

"Nope, I just went to his room and he didn't answer the door. He's probably with that singer Scott." Chris stated going back to watching the TV.

"He had a huge fight with him earlier, and then I saw him in his room shortly after that. After we talked a couple minutes, I left and that's the last time I saw him." Jc replied visibly upset.

"When was that?" Asked Lance with concern.

"About three hours ago." Jc exclaimed. "I think he was very upset. I don't know what to do."

"Let's go to his room and see if he's sleeping." Lance suggested. Justin could sleep very deeply at times.

The four friends walked to Justin's suite and started banging on the door loudly. After about two minutes, Jc tried the door.

"Damn, it's locked."

Lance called out as he ran, "I will get another key. Be right back."

Jc turned around and started to run after Lance. He caught him as the doors started to close. Lance pushed the button for the lobby and the two men waited for the elevator to stop.

The doors opened and both men jumped out of the elevator right into Garet's chest. All three men went down in a tumble. All three of them tried to say sorry at the same time. Garet of course recognized the other two right away.

"Hey, have you seen Scott lately? Is he up there with Justin?" Garet asked.

"Sorry, he's not with Justin at all. We don't even know where Justin is." Lance explained as he started over to the front desk.

Jc stayed and asked, "Scott's missing too?"

"Damn, I knew that pop star would fuck things up!" Garet stated loudly.

"What's that suppose to mean?" Jc demanded.

Garet snorted and replied, "Scott was fine till that little faggot got hold of him."

Jc looked around to see if anyone was close. Seeing many of the guest's looking over in his direction, Jc tried to get Garet to settle down and to stop shouting. Seeing a restroom, he pulled the black hair musician into it. Slamming the door, he checked to see if it was empty before turning to look at the clearly pissed off guitarist.

"First of all, Justin is no fucking faggot!"

Garet tried to speak but Jc just raised his voice. "Secondly, Justin wanted to help him. Besides, isn't Scott gay?"

"Of course he is. But, Justin's fucking with him. Making him all crazy inside." Garet said still pissed off.

"You have no idea what the hell is going on do you?" Jc stated with contempt in his voice.

"I know that Justin was at his room last night. Teasing him and writing stupid little notes. From what Scott said he was begging him to fuck him."

Jc almost punched the tattooed musician. Breathing deeply, he tried desperately to calm down.

"Listen," Jc, said in an even tone, "There is a lot more to this story than what Scott told you. You better sit down; it's kind of long.

Jc explained everything that he knew. About the first time Justin mentioned seeing Scott. To him dragging all of Nysnc to go and listen to the band play that evening. And about the conversation they had when Justin had realized that they weren't leaving. And about what had happened earlier that day. Jc had overheard the entire conversation between Justin and Scott while they were outside in the rain.

"You see, Justin isn't fucking with him. He's just scared that he will fall in love with someone else that won't love him back." Jc ended his story.

Garet had listened to the entire story without saying a word. The only thing he did was raise his eyebrows at the part when Justin had told the rest of Nysnc about the beautiful blonde singer and how he just had to meet him again.

"I didn't know that. Sorry I called him a faggot. I don't have a problem with em, hell, I love Scott like a brother." Garet said extending his hand towards Jc.

Grabbing it, Jc replied, "That's okay. Just remember, how you feel about Scott, is the same way I feel about Justin."

"So, where do you think they went?" Garet inquired.

"I saw Scott walking away from the hotel in the rain and I have no idea where he could have gone. You know him, I haven't even met him before." Jc countered.

"I still can't believe he went walking in the rain, he hates the rain. So, either way, we have two missing people."

"Nah, I know if Justin left this hotel, he went straight to his house to talk to his mom. He tells her everything. And if he is fallen for Scott, he needs to talk to someone that isn't in love with him." Jc said as the men started to leave the bathroom.

Garet just got on to what Jc had said. Smiling he quietly asked, "Is that why he couldn't talk to you?"

"What?" Jc asked as he stopped.

"It all makes sense now. You heard their conversation because you were following them. You're in love with Justin." Garet stated bluntly.

Jc rubbed his hands through his dark hair. Sighing loudly he answered, "I use to be. Take that back, I was very curious about what it would be like with a man. I had always hoped that Justin would let it be him. My first time you know, someone that I loved."

Garet reached for a cigarette. He put one in his mouth and then offered one to Jc. Jc shook his head no, but grabbed the one out of Garet's mouth as soon as he lit it.

"I don't smoke." Jc explained as he took a deep drag off the cigarette inhaling the blue black smoke deep into his lungs.

"Sure fooled me." Garet kind of laughed.

"I must look pretty pathetic to you huh? Sissy little boy band singer in love with his best friend."

Garet shook his head, "No, not pathetic. I've been in love before with someone I couldn't have to."

"Bet it wasn't your best friend."

Garet answered with a smile, "Of course it was shithead. I'm only twenty-two; it was back in high school. It was my best friend Sheila. I wanted her ever since I knew her. But it wasn't meant to be."

Jc started pacing as the cigarette gave him a slight lightheaded feeling. "At least you don't have to see her everyday like I have to."

"No," Garet agreed. "But I still keep in touch with her. She's married now and has a kid. But I still dream about her sometimes."

"What a fine group of people we have here. You're in love with a girl you can't have. I am in love with my best friend but my friend is in love with a boy named Scott who he can't have because he doesn't want to deal with all his bullshit. And Scott is in love with Justin but can't get over all his bull shit long enough to realize it."

Both of the men laughed at the stupid predicament that they were all in. "What a fucked up world we live in." Jc commented.

"I guess we should go find the guys. I bet Justin is at his mom's house. I should tell them." Jc said as he walked out of the bathroom with Garet following him.

Lance was running from the elevator when he saw Jc come out of the bathroom. "Justin's not in his room. And it looks like he took his clothes with him!" Lance explained. "Have you been smoking, Josh?"

"Of course not, I don't smoke. If he packed his clothes, he went to his mom's house. If you call her, she will tell you everything is all right." Jc stammered. All of a sudden he realized what he had told Garet.

"You think, I am going to call him right now. Come on, we have phone calls to make." Lance said as he started pulling at Jc's arm.

Garet, sensing the nervousness in the other man, stated, "Hey, don't worry about it. I know lots of secrets. What's two more? There both safe with me."

Jc flashed a smile and extended his hand, "I didn't catch your name. I'm Jc."

Grabbing the offered hand, "I'm Garet, nice to meet you."


"Come on, we have to find him." Lance said impatiently.

As the two started down the hall, Garet heard Lance asked Jc about the secrets that he could keep.

Laughing to himself, Garet turned away and went outside to find where the hell Scott had gotten. They only had a few hours before showtime, and he was beginning to worry. Just hold on Scott, he thought, it can't get any worse than it is right now.

But he was wrong. There's always an eye of a hurricane, and he knew that it was going to get worse before it got better.


Scott had finally made it back to his room. He was sitting on the bed in his wet clothes when he heard a knock at the door. Jumping up, he opened the door. When he saw who it was, his face darkened even more, his eyes growing even sadder.

"Nice to see you to," Quipped Greg. "Why are you all wet?"

"What do you want?" Scott asked as he turned back into the room.

"Do you have any idea what his problem is now," Greg turned and inquired of his friend, Garion.

Shaking his head no, Garion entered the room following Greg. The two friends sat down and looked at each other and then over to their wet friend.

"Where have you been?" Garet asked as he walked into the room.

Scott just groaned.

"We have been in bed." Greg explained still not knowing what was going on.

"I don't want to talk about it." Scott declared ending the conversation before it had a chance to begin.

"Let's go over tonight's set list, okay." Garion interjected sensing the tension. "It's going to be a good night, I can tell."

"Yea, lets. But this conversation isn't over Scott." Garet stated.

Scott just glared at him but nodded his head. The bandmates discussed the evening's songs and what they were going to do. As they talked about their band, Scott's tension slowly melted away. His heart might be breaking, but he wouldn't fuck with his career. He had worked to damn hard to get where he was. Besides, he loved the group of guys and couldn't stay mad at any of them for very long.

Realizing the time, they all split up to get dressed for the gig. As it was, by the time they were ready they only had a few minutes to warm up before they went on stage.

As usual, Greg was wearing his long blonde hair down and a pair of leather shorts with no shoes. Garion's blue topknot was tied back and he was wearing a pair of gray leather pants and cowboy boots. He was wearing one of the band's T-shirts that had their logo on it. Garet was in his usual black leather pants and black shirt that read sleeps well with others in white lettering. His hair was loose and covered his facial features.

Scott was wearing a pair of tight fitting blue jeans that had an American flag on the right back pocket. He had on a white wife beater that clung to his upper body leaving nothing to the imagination. His jeans hugged his ass like skin, and he was barefoot, which was very unusual for him.

The lights went down and the crowd started to cheer as the four members of Zylvan went onstage.

A spotlight hit Garet as he started the opening riffs to the song crazy. As the rest of the band joined in, the stage lit up like the sun. Scott started singing, pouring all his anger and hurt into the lyrics.

I couldn't help but fall to pieces

When you said that we were through

Now I can't believe its over

I'm going crazy over you

A causality of broken love

The embers dark and cold

And the deep abyss of emptiness

Has finally filled my soul

I think about you everyday

The memories won't go away

Without you I, I can't go on

I'll lose my mind before to long

Crazy, Crazy going crazy over you

Crazy, going crazy when you broke my heart into

Staring at your picture

To think you once were mine

For us there's no tomorrow

For me there's only time

Maybe you'd like to see me

Or maybe I'll just pretend

As the bitter kiss of emptiness

Embraces me again

I think about you everyday

The memories won't go away

The way you put me on a shelf

To sit and stare and ask myself

Crazy, crazy, going crazy over you

Crazy, I am crazy since you broke my heart into

As the song ended, Scott noticed that Justin was not in the audience. He was hoping that he could have heard that song. But then, way in the back, he noticed one of Justin's friends sitting alone in the back of the bar. He didn't have to time to continue looking as he started to finish the set.

Finally the set ended with the crowd cheering and yelling. It felt empty to Scott, it almost didn't matter. Justin was the only thing that mattered.

The band made its way to the bar to get a drink before the next set. People were shaking hands with them as they made their way through the crowd. Murmuring replies, Scott was trying to get to where he had seen Justin's friend.

There, he saw him. In front of him was two beers, Scott walked over to the table and looked at the dark hair man.

"Hi, I am Jc. Sit down." Jc said.

"Scott, nice to meet you. You're one of Justin's friends right?" He asked.

"Yep, want a beer. I was expecting you." Jc offered one of the imported beers.

"Thanks," Scott noticed it was the same kind that Justin had brought with him last night.

"Where's Justin?" Asked Scott.

Jc sighed, "He left to go back home earlier. He was pretty upset."

Scott's brow creased as he heard that. A look of anguish came of his features that Jc noticed. Scott's head sunk down on the table, his shoulders started heaving like he was crying.

"You really hurt him today."

Scott's head whipped up staring Jc right in the face.

Wow, Jc thought, his eyes are stormy.

"He's the one who said he didn't want it, not me." Scott defended himself.

"Really," Jc asked playing devil's advocate, "And why did he say that. He told me earlier today that he thought he was falling for you."

"My ass, he said some shit about me not being ready for love and that until I got over it he didn't want to see me." Scott stated. "Besides, he's right. I'm not ready."

Jc lightly touched his hand, "He told me what happened. He told me all about dreams and the guilt."

Scott interrupted him, "Don't you start in on me too. Justin already did that."

"Did he? Did he tell you that you are a selfish asshole? Huh, that little pity party don't mean shit to me. I don't know you and I don't care about it. All he wanted was for you to let him in. But you are to fucking absorbed with your little life to realize that you could have had something special. I haven't seen him act that way around anyone before." Jc said as his temper got the best of him.

"Me, I needed help with all that shit and he walked away." Scott declared with a hint of satisfaction in his voice.

"You wanted his help! The fuck you did, you wanted his fucking pity and now you're mad because he wouldn't give it to you." Jc spat out.

Scott was angry now, who was this little boy to speak to him that way?

"I don't need anyone's pity. And frankly I don't need yours either." Scott declared as he got up to leave the table.

Jc almost let him walk away, but his love for Justin was too strong. He had to make Scott see past his self-pity and all the fucking guilt.

"You know, at first, all he wanted was a good time." Jc stated, hoping to catch the singer's interest.


It worked. Jc's mind was racing, what could he say to get him to call Justin.

"Yea, he was going on and on how cute you were and how bad he wanted to fuck you." Jc sadly as he realized that he could never have Justin.

"Then why didn't he?"

"Because, sometime last night, he must have seen something inside you that was worth getting to know. Frankly, I don't see it, but they say love is blind." Jc gave him half a grin.

Scott sat back down at the table; "He loves me." Scott had a far away look in his eyes.

Jc thought he had found something, so he continued, "Why do you think he didn't fuck you? He thought maybe this was something special. He didn't want to cheapen it by it starting as a one night stand."

Scott's face grew sadder than before, he quietly said, "Love doesn't exist, love is just a by-product of lust."

Jc was stunned at that statement. This man doesn't deserve Justin he thought.

"Then why the fuck do you care that he's gone. You are so fucking pathetic. I use to feel sorry for you, now I don't think you are worth the effort. Justin is better off without you." Jc declared as he got up from the table.

Without looking back, he left out of the bar and went upstairs to his room to call Justin. That guy didn't deserve the man he was in love with and he would see to it that he wouldn't ever get him.

Meanwhile, Scott had left the table and went back to the stage. Grabbing his acoustic guitar, he sat on a stool and started to play a slow hypnotic melody. The house lights went down and to the amazement of the rest of his bandmates, Scott started to sing in the saddest voice they had ever heard with a single spotlight hitting him from above.

The night is closing

Closing in on me

I watch the sun

Fade into the sea

And I think of you and me

The days are long

The nights eternity

I think of how it is

And how it used to be

When you were here with me

Where are you

When my tears are falling down

Where are you

You're not around

I lay l bleed

I cry I need

But you will never see

The pain inside of me

The fire has died

A spark is all I need

Its such a great divide

But you can fill the sea

Won't you come back to me

Where are you

When my tears are falling down

Where are you

You're not around

I lay I bleed

I cry I need

But you will never see

This pain inside of me

I see your face

In my mind

It haunts me till this day

When I sleep you're in my dreams

I just can't get away

I lay I bleed

I cry I need

But you will never see

This pain inside of me

This pain inside of me

This pain inside of me

Scott's voice trailed off and the room was deadly quiet. His bandmates were completely amazed at the raw emotion that they just heard. Looking around, they saw that many of the people had tears in their eyes.

All of a sudden, the place erupted with people going crazy. Jumping and clapping, the crowd was overcome by the music and all the pain in the young singer's voice. Quickly, the bandmates rushed to the stage to talk to Scott who was still sitting on the stool crying his eyes out.

"Holy shit Scott! That was fucking awesome." Greg had to shout to be heard over the applause.

Scott turned and looked at his with tears streaming down his face and said, "It doesn't matter, I've lost him."

"We can fix this, but for now we have to play." Garion said.

"I don't feel like it." Scott murmured.

Garet leaned over and said emphatically, "You will play, we all have worked to fucking hard for this to happen. We can fix this later, right now, we have them in the palm of our hand. The show must go on."

Scott agreed slowly and they took their places and finished out the show. Scott didn't remember what songs they played all he could think about was Justin.

After the show, people congratulated them and tried to show their appreciation. But it all fell on deaf ears. All that mattered was Justin, and Scott didn't know how he could get him back. But he knew that he had to have Justin back. Justin was all that mattered.



"Did he really say that again?" Justin asked with tears in his eyes.

"Yes, he said that love doesn't exist, and that he doesn't care about you cause love isn't real." Jc explained.

"I was hoping that he would understand. I can't believe it, I still think about him everyday." Justin whined.

Jc tried to comfort his friend, "Don't waste time on that asshole, he doesn't love you."

Justin had tears in his eyes, he hugged his friend tightly resting his head on Jc's shoulder. Jc hugged him back fiercely as he gently stroked the back of Justin's head. The two sat like that for what seemed like hours to Jc. Even though his back started to ache, he didn't want to let his friend go.

"You know he doesn't love you, Just." Jc stated.

Justin shook his head no, "He's just confused, maybe if I go and talk to him."

Jc broke off the hug and looked directly into his friend's eyes and pleaded, "Don't, you'll only get hurt again. No one loves you like I do. I love you Just."

"I know that, I love you too." Justin whimpered.

Jc put the second part of his plan into motion. He gently kissed Justin's lips.

"What are you doing?" Justin demanded.

"Just, we love each other. I would never hurt you, I would always love and appreciate you. You know that." Jc stated fiercely.

"Jc, it's wrong. We're friends." Justin stammered.

"Did you like it?"

Justin stood up and started pacing. Looking at Jc, he answered, "I don't know."

"You always said that you would try anything once. I am asking you to try this, just once." Jc pleaded with his friend.


"No buts Justin. Just once, we love each other. That can't be wrong."

Justin looked at the friend that he had loved his whole life. Jc had never done anything to hurt him. He had always been there to help Justin with whatever his problem was. And this was one person that he knew loved him unconditionally. And that was all Justin had ever wanted. His biggest fear was to die unloved.

So, he looked into Jc's eyes and saw what he wanted most, love. Maybe he would grow in love with Jc, but right now it didn't matter. Jc had never hurt him before and had never given him bad advice.

"Okay, I'll try it." He whispered.

Justin sat down next to Jc and they met for a kiss. As they kissed they fell back onto his bed and Justin lost himself in the moment of lust.


NOTES: I would like to thank everyone that has emailed me. And an extra special thanks to rion359, who has kept me laughing. And to derek who has kept me writing day after day with his kind words. XvXvking, thanks for reading.

As always, emails are welcomed and encouraged. Wolfflyer26@yahoo.com

All songs are published by Sparrow music

Copyright©2001 Glacier Boy