Date: Mon, 19 Jun 2000 20:00:56 -0400 From: Rachel Subject: Little Earthquakes 5-6 Evening folks. How's everybody tonight? I'm doing much better then I was from my last posting. Wanna know why? I saw the greatest man alive in concert on Friday night. Yes, Mr. David Bowie. So I'm very happy right now. Everything's great, even if it sucks. Hmm...paradox's are fun. Disclaimer: All who read this who are underage or not allowed to read this will die. Granted I can't promise when or how, but you will die. Everyone dies. My friend Touraj likes to threaten to blow up people's cars. So you never know. You might die that way. At least it would be quick. Then of course there is good old fashioned torture. Nothing is as fun for all involved as torture. Oh wait. I'm getting off the subject here. Umm...gay themes. Stuff like that. I don't know the Backstreet Boys so this is all fake. Hey you know what else is cool? Flesh-eating bacteria. That's gotta' be a fucked up way to die. Little Earthquakes Chapter Five "Can you hand me the orange juice, Kevin?" I pointed to the carton sitting on the counter. "Sure." He passed it to me and continued to flip pancakes. It had been two months since Kevin had crashed into our lives. Now he was a part of the family. We had never explored the possibility of us having a relationship past that first night together. We left it at that. But the friendship was fantastic. I hadn't felt this close to anyone besides Gram before. Kevin was great. Maggie and Ryan adored him. And Gram was happy to have someone for me to talk to. This was our Sunday morning routine now. Kevin came over around 9:30, and we made breakfast for everyone else. Sometimes he brought Kristen and Alexis along. Sometimes he brought one of his band mates. This particular Sunday he had brought AJ again. AJ joined us more then the other three did. "Hey, there are some people gettin' hungry out here." I heard AJ call from the back porch. I heard Maggie giggle happily after he said that. If there was one thing I owed to Kevin, it was Maggie's recovery. She had started acting like a normal child again, laughing and talking. She loved to play basketball with him. The amazing thing to me was that she would climb into his 4Runner without even blinking an eye. I was hoping this meant her fear of SUV's was gone. Maggie absolutely adored it when AJ came over too. The two of them bonded right away and started playing practical jokes on the rest of us. I let it go on because I was so thrilled to see her laughing again. "Keep your pants on, McLean. The foods on the way." Kevin called back to him, grinning happily. "So everything is all ready for next Saturday, Rob. It's going to be so great." Kevin said as he put the last pancake on the plate. Maggie's 5th birthday was on Thursday and Kevin wanted to throw her a party. I had protested but eventually his pout won out, and he was throwing a pool party for her. "You really don't have to do that, Kevin." I protested again. "I know, but I really want to. It'll be so much fun." "Well Maggie is really excited. I hope you know what you're getting yourself into though. 25 kids are a lot to keep an eye on." "Don't worry about it Rob. There are going to be plenty of adults to keep an eye on the kids. Did I tell you that Nick is bringing his brother and sisters?" "Yup only about 15 times." I laughed at him. "I'm sorry. I'm a little excited." "I can tell. You look so cute when you're all excited like this." Kevin blushed and picked up the pancakes and bacon he had made. "Let's go feed the natives before they start eating each other." I picked up the coffee and orange juice following him outside. Maggie was sitting on AJ's lap and the two of them were making faces at Ryan who was laughing happily. Gram was still upstairs in her room. She hadn't been feeling well lately so she had started sleeping a lot more. "Okay, kids. Here's the food." "Finally. Maggie and I were going to die of starvation." AJ said as the two of them pretended to faint. Both Kevin and I laughed at our two drama queens. Maggie climbed off AJ's lap and sat in her own chair. I put a plate of food down in front of her, and she began to happily pour syrup over everything. Kevin dished out food for him and AJ while I began to feed Ryan. AJ poured himself a cup of coffee and took a sip, sighing happily. "Who needs food when there's coffee?" He wondered in a happy voice. Maggie giggled at him. He poured her a glass of orange juice, which she happily took. "What are you doing today Rob?" AJ asked sipping the coffee and watching everyone else. "I hadn't really made any plans. Maggie and I were going to work out back for a bit." I put a plate with pancakes cut up in small pieces in front of Ryan. Those would keep him occupied enough for me to be able to eat my breakfast. "What were you planning on doing to the backyard?" AJ was our little gardener and loved to get his hands into a new project. "Just planting some flowers and doing some trimming back there. I haven't had a chance to work out back in a long time." "Are you sticking around here to help out Kev?" AJ asked finally reaching for some food. Kevin exchanged glances with me and looked back down at his food. "Kevin is more then welcome to stick around today as are you AJ." I said, noticing how uncomfortable Kevin got. AJ grinned. "Cool." "So are you staying today AJ?" Maggie asked excitedly. "Yeah I think I'll stick around and help you and Robby out." "Are you staying Kevin?" Maggie asked him happily. "Actually I can't stay today. I have some stuff I have to do with Kristen." I kept trying to forget that he and Kristen were supposed to be getting married in three weeks. I guess I wanted to pretend that it wasn't happening. "Can I take Ryan with me today Rob?" I blinked quickly when I heard Kevin's voice talking to me. "You had him yesterday. Are you sure you're not getting tired of having him around?" "I could never get tired of these little munchkins. Also if I take him with me today, you don't have to keep an eye on him while you're out back." It made perfect sense actually. "I guess it's okay then. Just make sure not to get him over tired." "No problem. We're not doing anything too crazy today." The table was quiet as we all ate our food. I was preoccupied with Kevin's wedding. I don't know why it bothered me so much. It's not like I was dating him or anything. We were just friends. And the wedding was just business. "I talked to Howie yesterday." AJ said, breaking the silence. "He thinks that he'll be able to get a day pass for the wedding." Kevin frowned slightly at AJ's remark. "Well that's good I guess. I would hate to get fake married without one of my best friends there." Howie had finally fallen too far about three weeks ago. He had gotten drunk with a friend of his and crashed his car into a telephone pole. With the help of Howie's mother, Kevin and AJ had taken him into rehab. He was an alcoholic and he needed help. I haven't known Howie long and he is quite possibly one of the nicest people I've ever met in my life. But he did have a problem. I have never seen Howie not drinking some sort of alcoholic beverage. The one time he came over for Sunday breakfast with Kevin, he raided my liquor cabinet and added whiskey to his coffee. Both Kevin and AJ had taken it very hard when Howie refused to talk to them for what they had done. Brian and Nick had been less then supportive when they had found out as well. It had taken Howie about two full weeks of rehab before he began to acknowledge that he had a problem. The phone call that came after that made Kevin come see me at work. Howie had admitted to Kevin that he was an alcoholic. For Kevin, that was one of the greatest things he had ever heard in his life. Howie had been on a path to destruction. Now there was a possibility that he could be stopped. Until Howie got out of rehab, the band had taken a hiatus from recording. AJ and Kevin had stayed around Orlando. Nick was spending a few weeks in New York with his girlfriend Kelly. Brian and Leighanne were in Georgia at their home there. That's the reason why Kevin had wanted to take the kids as often as possible. They helped him pass the time. "Are you taking responsibility for him at the wedding AJ?" Kevin asked him softly. "That boy is basically going to be handcuffed to me. I won't let him out of my sight." AJ was serious about that. He didn't want to lose Howie to alcohol again. Kevin finished his coffee and picked Ryan up. He began to wipe his face with a napkin. "I hate to leave so quickly today, but I gotta' get back to the house. Will you guys come over for dinner tonight?" Kevin asked as he continued to clean up Ryan. "Is Lexie cooking?" AJ asked excitedly. Kevin chuckled. "Lexie does Sunday night dinner AJ. She has for the past three years." "Woohoo! Amanda and I will be there with bells on." "You can skip the bells AJ." "You want me to show up naked?" AJ asked, somehow keeping a straight face. "On second thought, wear the bells. I've seen your scrawny ass one too many times for my comfort." "Ah you know you love my scrawny ass. You dream about this ass." AJ stood up and stuck his ass in the air, shaking it. "AJ." I said in a warning voice. He occasionally had a tendency to go a little too far with Maggie and Ryan sitting there. "Sorry." AJ said, sitting back down. He leaned over and ruffled Maggie's hair. "Will you come to dinner tonight Rob?" Kevin turned his attention to me. "Krissy and Lexie would murder me if I didn't. We'll all be there." I grinned. "With bells on." "Great more bells." Kevin groaned. He leaned over to whisper in my ear. "You, on the other hand, are more then welcome to show up naked." God damn him. Why did he have to go and say stuff like that? I know that I was bright red. I leaned over and whispered in Kevin's ear. "You couldn't handle seeing me naked. I have to wear clothes so you don't go crazy." It was Kevin's turn to blush. He sat back and shook his head slightly. AJ was just laughing uncontrollably. Maggie didn't know what was going on, but AJ laughing always set her off. "Ryan and I are leaving now." Kevin said, standing up holding the baby. "His diaper bag is in his room." I said still laughing. "Do you still have some bottles at your place?" Kevin nodded. "Just grab the car seat out of the van." I leaned over and gave Ryan a kiss. "I don't need to. I bought one the other day. I figured it was easier then switching the one in the van back and forth all the time." I stopped laughing and looked at him in surprise. "Do you think it's smart for you to have a car seat in your car? What if?" Kevin cut me off. "How many times have I told you not to worry about my career Rob?" "I stopped counting after 10 times." "When are you gonna' start listening?" I looked at him in anger. The expression on his face was happy though, which just pissed me off more. "Probably never." "Okay then. I'll see everyone tonight." Kevin went inside, holding Ryan tightly. AJ was giving me the look. I haven't known AJ that long, but I had learned about the look very quickly. It's known as the 'Alex's gotta' talk to ya' 'cause you're actin' like an idiot' look. Great. Chapter Six Maggie had given up helping AJ and I about an hour ago. She was playing on her jungle gym. AJ and I were turning over the soil along the back of the yard. So far he hadn't said anything, but I knew it wasn't going to last forever. "Hey Rob." AJ turned to look at me. "What AJ?" I continued to dig my hands in the soil. "Why haven't you and Kevin gotten together?" I sat back on my heels with a sigh. "It's not that easy AJ." "Are you attracted to Kevin?" "Of course I am." "He's attracted to you. You're attracted to him. I don't see any problems." I wiped my hands on my pants and looked over at Maggie. "I can't just think about myself anymore AJ. I have two kids to think about too. I don't want them to get attached to Kevin and have us break up. They've already lost enough." "Rob, Maggie and Ryan are already attached to Kevin." "I know that AJ." I sighed heavily. "But if Kevin and I are just friends, there is less of a chance that he'll leave them." "So instead of taking a chance on love, you're going to let it pass you by." I scowled at him angrily. "Why are you doing this AJ? Can't you just mind your own business for once?" "Nope. Never could, never will. I'm sick of watching two friends who are obviously enamored with each other ignore those feelings." "I can't do anything about it though AJ. What about his career? His lifestyle? His fucking marriage?" AJ grabbed my face in his hands. "Kevin doesn't care about any of those things. Of all of us he cares about being famous the least. He would love to be able to just be Kevin. Can't you understand that?" I wrenched my head from AJ's grasp and just stared at him. "Rob he's fallen in love with you, okay." I felt my mouth drop open and I watched AJ's face as it registered that he had just told me something he had promised to keep a secret. "Shit." AJ mumbled. "Don't tell him I told you that." "He's in love with me?" AJ nodded. "You're all he thinks about. He called me up the first night you two met to tell me that he had met the person that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. I sat in my hotel room in LA and listened as he told me everything about you. I've never heard Kevin talk like that." AJ wiped his hands on his pants. "And everyday since then he has just fallen deeper in love with you." I shook my head, still refusing to believe what AJ was telling me. It just wasn't possible that Kevin had fallen in love with me. It was natural that I had fallen in love with him, but the other way around, no way. "Why would he want me AJ? What do I have to offer him?" AJ stood up and held his hand out for me. I took it and he pulled me up. "Let's go wash up while we talk. I think we've done all we're going to do out here today." We walked through the backyard. Maggie saw us and hopped off her jungle gym to follow us. "AJ, do you wanna' go play on the swings with me?" She asked, slipping her hand in his. There was a park down the street from our house. Maggie loved to go play down there. There were always a lot of kids around to play with. "I'd love to, but I need to finish talking to your uncle first. Why don't you go wait upstairs for me?" Maggie nodded and ran into the house. I heard her footsteps on the steps as she bounded up them as fast as she could. "So you want to know why Kevin loves you?" AJ asked as he washed his hands, trying to get the dirt out from under his nails. "Well first off, you treat him like Kevin. Spending time with you is like a vacation from his life for Kevin. You make him laugh. He can talk to you about absolutely everything." AJ stepped aside and let me wash my hands. He dried his hands while he took a moment to consider what else he wanted to say. "You use the kids as an excuse for why you can't get involved with Kevin. Maggie and Ryan are exactly what Kevin has always wanted. Children. Why do you think he loves taking care of them so much? Even if the two of you did break up, he would never abandon the children." I listened to him. I really did. Part of me felt that AJ was making sense but then the rest of me kept letting myself second-guess everything he was saying. "I haven't known you very long Rob, but I know that I trust you as much as I trust any of the guys. Hell I probably trust you more then I trust Brian. That boy can't keep a secret for shit." AJ put his hand on my shoulder. "I know that you wouldn't hurt Kevin. Will you just consider the possibility that you could love him?" "I already love him." I said softly. "But like I said, it's not that easy AJ." I reached for the paper towels. "I can't just let myself get attached to someone else. I don't want to be hurt again." "I've been hurt too many times already." AJ turned me to face him. "What happened to you Rob? For the first time since I've met you, your eyes have gone cold. I can't read them." "Just leave it alone AJ." He held his hands up and backed away slightly. "I'm not the enemy here Rob. Obviously something in your past is the enemy. I just want to help." "Maggie's waiting for you." I turned away from him again. I heard AJ sigh. A moment later I felt his hand on my shoulder again. "I'll be here whenever you are ready to talk. I promise." I nodded, refusing to turn around again. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. I didn't want to cry in front of AJ. I heard his footsteps as he walked away. "Come on Magster! Let's roll!" Kevin turned the corner and drove past the park. He saw AJ pushing Maggie on one of the swings and decided to stop. He parked the 4Runner and took Ryan out. "Hey McLean!" Kevin shouted, waving as he walked over to them. Maggie jumped out of the swing and ran over to him. She hugged him around his knees, causing him to stumble slightly. "Hi Magster." "Hi Kevin." She let go of him and took his hand. They walked over to where AJ was sitting on the swing together. "Hey Richardson. What are you doing back?" Kevin sat down on the swing next to him. He shifted Ryan so he was sitting on his lap. Maggie ran over to a group of kids playing in the castle. "Kristen and I got finished what we needed to do early. I figured I would head over here to help out." "We're finished for the day." Kevin looked around for a moment. "Where's Rob at?" "Home." AJ said simply. "I tried to talk to him about some stuff and he ended up closing down on me. Maggie and I decided to come play down here for a bit." "What did you do AJ?" Kevin asked nervously. "I asked him why the two of you weren't together. And I kinda slipped and told him that you were in love with him." "Alex! How could you? I trusted you to keep that a secret." Kevin's voice was filled with anger. "Well what did he say?" "He's in love with you too." The smile that filled Kevin's face made AJ want to cry. He hadn't seen him that happy for a long time and he was just going to have to make him unhappy again. "Kev, he said he can't be with you though." "What?" AJ sighed and looked over at Maggie for a second. She was playing on the tire swing with a couple of other kids. "He kept saying that he didn't want to be hurt again. I couldn't get him to tell me what was wrong." Kevin began to push the swing gently as he thought. "What if I just decided to go for it AJ? What if I said to hell with everything and told Rob how I felt?" AJ shrugged. "I think you would get shot down." He paused for a moment. "But you'll never know unless you try." A small smile played across Kevin's lips. "I'm going to try AJ. I'm going to try tonight." AJ nodded. "Just let me know what I have to do to help." ---Okay here we go again. Send me mail! Oh please send me mail! I love to get mail 'cause I'm very bored at work. Oh yesh! PS: what about getting an anvil dropped on you? Do you think you would die? Wile E. Coyote never did so that might not be a great way to die. I think you would just be in a lot of pain for some time. Oh well.