I'm lost, I'm lost without you baby, The days aren't the same the nights are cold and gray, I need you in my life, If not now then someday... --- Vanessa Williams

Lost Without You

Chapter -- 19
by JT Poole and Nicole Brown

Wednesday Evening -- Atlanta, GA -- The Hilton Hotel


Today has been long, grueling and a little bit drama filled. I somewhat went off the deep end this morning when I actually had to discipline Chad for the first time. I felt so terrible inside after I had done it. I got so upset with myself for doing that to him because I didn't want to turn out like my parents. When I was growing up, my mom use to beat the hell out of me. She felt that since she had a hard life, she could take it out on me. I don't want to turn out like my mother and I sure as hell don't want to turn out like my dad, he was just as bad as mom. I found Chad a few minutes later and talked to him about what happened. He apologized for misbehaving and I felt better about having to spank him. I know the next time I will talk to him before resorting to spanking him. I don't like the feeling I had after spanking him.

Now that the guys are done with all of their daily obligations, all we have to do now is wait around for the show tonight. Once that happens, then we can leave and move on to the next venue. Sitting down here in the hotel lounge, I'm on my fourth glass of Coke and I think I should be drinking something heavier, but that's not my style. I've been down here for the last three hours spying on Alex and Trey. They've been acting chummy (a little bit too chummy if you ask me), all day long and now they're sitting in a booth drinking and sharing what one could only call a special moment. Since I've known these guys, Alex is known as the wild one that's down for whatever and Trey is the married manager with a wife and two kids. I wonder what they have going on...

"There you are," Brian says, sitting down next to me, leaning in and kissing me on the cheek. "What are you doing down here? Still thinking about what happened with Chad?"

"Nope," I tell him, taking a sip of my drink, keeping my eyes glued to what Trey and Alex were doing.

"Then why haven't you been up to our room?" He asks me, reaching out and taking my hand. "I've missed you baby."

"Yeah, uh huh," I say, doing my best to read Alex's lips as he talked to Trey and Brian did his best to distract me.

"Baby are you listening to me?" Brian asks as I lean over a little, still trying to comprehend what was going on with Alex and Trey. "Baby please..."

"Hush man, I'm trying to understand what's going on," I tell him as he huffs, slides off the stool and walks towards the door.

Sighing, I got up from the stool, handed the bartender a twenty spot and walked out. Heading in the direction to our hotel room, I spot Brian getting on the elevator just as he was pressing the button to select his floor. Making a mad dash to the elevator, I tried to get there before the doors closed. Hitting the door with my fist, I pressed the button to call for another elevator. Getting in the next one that arrived, I rode up to our floor mad as hell because I didn't get to find out what the hell was going on with AJ and Trey.

The elevator dinging on the floor where we were staying, I got off the elevator and started walking down the hall to the room I shared with Brian. Passing Nick's room on the way, I heard a strange noise. Stopping and walking back to his room door, I leaned in and placed my ear to the door so I could hear things a little better. Hearing what sounded like someone was screaming through something, I looked down at the door and saw that the light indicating that the door was unlocked was on. Pushing the door open a little bit, I tipped into the room and looked around. Not seeing anything in the main room, I walked into the bedroom to see that Nick was tied to the bed buck naked. Damn, now I know why Nik-Nik likes him, the white boy packing like Brian. Walking over to the bed, I removed the gag from his mouth and steps back away from him.

"Oh thank God," Nick says, smiling weakly up at me. "I'm so glad to see you JT. Could you please untie me?"

"What are you doing tied up Nick?" I ask him, thinking that Nikki was somewhere around and they were having some kind of sex game or something.

"Some crazy ass fan tricked me and then tied me up," he tells me as I looked at him wide eyed. "She tied me up and...and she left me like this. She said she had to go do something first and then she was coming back for me."

"Coming back for what? How was this crazy fan able to trick you?" I asked him, not moving too quickly to help him. "What have you gotten yourself into Nick?"

"I didn't do anything here. She wanted an autograph and I told her I would give her one," he tells me.

"I don't believe that Nick," I tell him, wondering what a fan was doing up here on this floor when security was at both ends. "God help you, if you were fucking around, cheating on Nikki, I'll help her cut your dick off."

"I wasn't cheating on her!" He yells, struggling now to get free as I pull my cell phone out. "What are you doing?"

"Oh nothing," I tell him, setting something on my phone and then moving the phone so I could capture Nick just right. When I had things the way I wanted them, I started taking a few pictures of Nick in his current situation.

"What are you doing JT?" Nick asks me as I took some more pictures of him and then placed my phone back into my pocket.

"I was getting the proof I needed," I tell him, patting the phone in my pocket.

"Proof for what damnit?" He asks me, struggling harder against the bounds on his wrists and ankles. "Why aren't you helping me damnit?"

"I'm going to help you, but you're going to help me," I tell him as he looked at me strangely. "Once I untie you, you need to leave...leave Nikki alone."

"What da fuck do you mean leave Nikki alone? I'm not going to leave her alone, I love her," he tells me, struggling more now.

"Either you leave her alone on your own or I'll show her the pictures I have and she'll leave you," I tell him as I started undoing the robe belt that had him secured to the headboard. "I'm not joking about this Nick. I don't trust you no more than I can throw you man. Leave Nikki alone and I mean it."

"I'm not going to leave her alone damnit! I love her and I'm not going to let you, Brian, JC Chasez or anyone else persuade me into leaving her!" He shouts, getting his feet untied as he jumped out of the bed, grabbing his clothes and started dressing.

"Oh you will leave her Nick or else," I tell him, patting him on the ass as I walked towards the door. "I see why she likes you so much. Nice package you have, but you still need to leave her alone."

"Don't touch me like that ever again," he tells me as I stopped at the door, turning to look at him. "I love her damnit and I'm not going to leave her."

"You have until I leave this tour to break things off with her or I show her these pictures," I tell him, opening the door and walking out.

"You won't get what you want JT! I'll kick your ass, Brian's and JC's if I have to damnit! None of you are going to keep me away from the woman I love! I love her with all of my heart and I'm not going to allow you to sucker me into breaking up with her! You probably had something to do with that bitch that tied me up!"

"I had nothing to do with that, but if I had the chance, I would have!" I shout at him as he slams the door to his room and security walks around the corner.

"What's going on around here Mr. Poole?" Jackson, one of the security guys ask me.

"Just an argument with Nick," I say, pulling out my keycard so I could go in and check on Chad and then go find Brian and try to figure out what's gotten into him.

Los Angeles, CA -- The Set of ABC's Super Soap Week

Nathaniel's POV

I'm glad this day is finally coming to a fucking end. There's just too much shit going on that I don't fucking agree with. If I didn't know any better, I'd say Kathy was actually trying to beat me up for fucking real. I can't help it that the current storyline on the show is stressing her out. She needs to learn how to keep her anger in check, if not I don't mind talking to the powers that be and getting her ass replaced. I wonder what her problem is now. She started acting this way when she found out that I had a short fling with Timothy Adams, and then she had a fucking cow when the new guy Josh started hanging around me. I guess she's pissed that I got to them before she did. I can't help it that they wanted a little bit of the Natemiester and not her. Maybe after tonight, she'll see that the things she's been doing ain't nice and finally put an end to her damn fits of jealousy.

"Hey man what's happening?" John-Paul says, patting me on the back as he hugged me around the neck.

"Nothing's happening John," I tell him, wondering why he would tease me the way he does. "Did they call you in for this as well?"

"Yep good buddy, you're stuck with me," he tells me sitting in my lap and playing with my cheeks. "They thought it would be good to have one of the hottest hunks of Llanview show up at this lil shindig."

"So there's just one hot hunk needed around here?" I ask him as he smiles up at me.

"No, they need more than just one. In my book you're a hunk too, so I guess that's why you're here," he says, getting up out of my lap in a hurry and walking around the table to sit in one of the other chairs. "Where's everyone else?"

"I don't know man, I think we're the first ones to get here," I tell him as he starts playing with the little table menu and twirling it around his finger. "I thought Kathy would have come with you."

"Not with me," I tell him, getting up from my chair and walking over to the windows in the room. "This day is just too long. We did the first taping. Why can't we just call it a day, I would rather spend the rest of the night doing something else."

"Something like what?" He asks me, walking over to me and placing his hand on my back.

"Anything that doesn't require me to use energy," I say as the door opens and the others start filing in.

"Well it seems we're not the first ones here," Timothy Adams says as he walks in with Kathy, Melissa Archer and Kamar de los Reyes. "How long have you two been here?"

"I just got here," John-Paul tells him, walking away from me and over to him. "But I have no idea how long he's been here though."

"Probably a good fifteen minutes. He probably came here after we had our talk," Kathy says as I glare at her.

"Sounds about right," I say as Timothy and Melissa look over to me. "Can we get this thing started? I have other things to do and that doesn't include watching all of you."

"I guess so," Melissa says, sitting down as one of the head writers came into the room and started handing out packets.

"What are these?" I ask, looking at the woman as she moved around the table and took a seat.

"These are some of the things we want you to do this week," the woman says, opening a packet and pulling the contents out.

After about twenty minutes of that, I basically got bored, grabbed my stuff and walked out of the door, leaving all of them in the room, probably wondering what my problem was. Getting to my rental car, I get in and head back to my hotel. Going up to my room, I pull out my cell phone and contemplate rather I should call JT or not. Since coming here, I've missed him. When I last saw him, I was a little jealous seeing him with Brian Littrell. I can't let things just stay the way they were. I still love JT and I'll have him back in my life. I just first need to get rid of Brian.

Back in ATL -- Brian and JT's Room

Brian's POV

Why is this happening to us now? He's been acting like a jerk all week and it's only Wednesday. Maybe we made a mistake in doing this. Maybe things are moving way too fast for us. I thought he loved me like I loved him, but the way he's been acting is saying otherwise. This all seem to have started after he talked to Mr. Marshall on Monday. Could Mr. Marshall have said something to make him not love me anymore? What could be wrong? I wish he would just open up to me and stop closing me out like he has been.

He was mean during breakfast this morning and he was totally a bitch during lunch. How could he just ignore me like I wasn't even there just now? What did I fucking do to deserve this kind of treatment? Whatever is going on, I'm going to put an end to it when I see him again. This is getting out of hand and I think it's time to nip this in the bud right now.

Walking into the bedroom and lying down on the bed, I resumed my earlier position in bed to take a nap. Maybe if I get some sleep, when I wake up, things would be back to normal and I'll have the man that I love and that loves me.


I know he's probably pissed off with me right now, but I'm still a little taken back with the shit he told me about him and Nick. How am I supposed to take finding out that he and his best friend use to pick up whores and fuck around and shit. I know I shouldn't allow that to affect me, but I just can't shake that shit off. Every time I touch him or he's around me, all I can see is him and Nick with some damn woman having sex together. With the way Nick acted and the things he told me, I'm not sure he was telling me the truth about not having a sexual relationship with Nick. I bet the two of them did some things together without having a woman present. Hell from the way Nick acted while I was in the room with him a few minutes ago, he didn't care if I saw him in all of his naked glory or not. The only thing he got upset about was the damn pictures. Any straight man would have told me to stop eyeing him a big ago for the amount of time I was standing there watching him. I wonder...

"So you're here," Brian says, sitting up in the bed. "What took you so long?"

"Took me so long to what?" I ask him.

"Took you so long to get up here?" He asks me, getting out of bed and walking over to me.

"I had to do something else," I tell him, not really wanting to tell him how I found Nick.

"Something like what?" He asks me, looking away quickly and then back up at me. "Never mind, you don't have to tell me that. It seems you don't want to tell me anything else."

"Brian look," I say as he raises his hand to interrupt me.

"No you look," he says, stepping closer to me as I look at him, checking to see if he had lost his mind or something. "What the hell are you doing?"

"I'm checking to see if you've lost your damn mind or something," I tell him, pretending to knock on the top of his head. "Don't be talking to me like that Mister Roll Around And Fuck The Hos At Night!"

"Baby..." he starts as I interrupt him this time.

"Don't baby me Brian," I say as he looks down at the floor. "I'm a little bit shocked at the things you told me the other day at Planet Hollywood. I don't really know if I can get past that crap. I know it's the past and before we got together, but the way you said those things to me and the images that came along with your words are hard to shake off. I shouldn't feel this way about the matter but I do."

"That was the past baby. That's something that's already happened and I can't change any of it. Baby I would rather tell you the things myself than for you to find out from someone else and it sounds even more terrible than what it was," he tells me, reaching out to touch me as I step back away from him. "I love you JT and I don't want to hide anything about my life from you."

"That's a good custom to have in a relationship Brian, but right now I...I don't think I can handle your past right now," I tell him as I turn away from him and he grabs my arm.

"Baby please," he says, looking at me with tears in his eyes. "I love you."

"I know you do Brian," I say, turning back around and walking out of the room.

"Baby please," I hear him say as I closed the door behind me and walked back down to the elevator, to head to the hotel lounge to get the heavy stuff for real this time.

Heading to Kevin's Room

Kevin's POV

I'm shocked that we made it back into the room without the paparazzi snapping pictures of me and Kess. When it comes to getting what she wants, the girl knows how to get it. We had been walking through the Hard Rock Café with the others and every now and then she would slip her hands behind me and grope my ass. When people were not close to us, she took it a little further and grabbed my dick. I'm sure everyone around in the place knew what was going on with the two of us. When we left there to head back here, things took on a faster pace. We were kissing, groping and almost fucking through the halls and in the elevator.

Waiting for us to arrive at our floor, Kess started in on another round of kissing and groping me, not caring about the other patrons there. Pushing her back a little bit so I could get some air, she wouldn't have that and went for the jugular. When she was done with me, I was breathing hard and my crotch was very wet. Talking about causing a man to get wet, Kess hadn't even gone down on me and there I was already leaking precum all over the place. If I wasn't careful, someone could have probably slipped and broken a leg or something.

When we got off the elevator, I could have sworn I heard a few of the other people whispering about what me and Kess were doing. I'll probably hear about this from JT later on tonight, but right now I don't care. I'm sure someone heard me moan on the elevator. Hell I'm sure someone heard her scream while we were in the bathroom at the Hard Rock Café. With all the shit we did, I'm guessing we at least came three or four times between the two of us.

Walking down the hall to my door, I could barely get my keycard out of my pocket and in the door between her trying to get my zipper down and me trying to get her bra loose. As soon as that door was open, she pushed me into the room, slammed the door and my ass landed on the floor hard. Hell, I thought I was the horndog, but when it comes to Kess, I'm a beginner compared to her. She's a sexual maniac or something.

Before I could do anything else, she was sitting on top of my hips and trying to get my shirt and pants off. Stopping her so I could do it myself, I didn't want to lose my neck or anything, I ripped the shirt open, sending buttons flying in different directions as I yanked it off and threw it across the room. Next she raised her body up so she could slide my pants and my draws past my knees, so she could get to what it was she wanted, so she could put it to good use.

Lying there under her like that, she grinned down at me and pulled her dress over her head. Tossing it in the pile where my clothes were, she lifted one of her breast and produced a condom. Smiling at me, she ripped it open and rolled it down on me. Smiling at me, she lifted herself up, maneuvered herself over me and slid down. Teasing me a little bit, she leaned down and kissed me and then slid back up, letting me slip out of her.

"You think you can handle me on the floor like this baby? You have nothing to brace yourself on," she tells me as she eases back a little bit and I slip back into her. "I'm going to ride you like you were a rodeo bronco."

"Oh shit girl, you can work me any way you can," I tell her, grabbing her hips forcefully as I guide her back and forth on my dick, moving her the way I like it. "Whose ass is this?"

"I don't know the answer to that yet," she says, caressing her breasts as she started flexing her lips around me.

"Come on baby, whose ass is this?" I ask her, smacking her ass as she licked her lips, stuck a finger into her mouth, sucking on her finger and then using it to rub her nipple as she continued to rock back and forth on top of me.

"Right now baby you know it's yours," she tells me, leaning down and kissing me. "It became yours the other night when you fucked me at the club. You asked me then and I told you."

"I know that, I like to hear it again," I tell her as she smiles at me and starts moving her hips faster, bringing my orgasm on a little quicker. "If you keep this up, this is going to end real soon."

"Oh really? I think its time I do something about that then," she tells me, speeding up her movements as the door clicks, opens and standing there in the doorway is my wife Kristin.

"What the hell is going on here!" Kristin screams as Kess turns around quickly, jumps up off of me and grabs her dress to cover herself up. "I turn my back for one fucking minute and here you are sleeping with another damn ho!"

"Kris stop," I say as she kicks me on the leg as I crawl backwards trying to get off the floor.

"You promised me Kevin! You promised you wouldn't cheat on me again!" Kristin shouts, slapping me in the face and then looking over to Kess. "Who is this damn ho?"

"Look bitch I'm no ho!" Kess shouts, putting her dress on now.

"You're sleeping with a married man bitch, in my book, that makes you a ho!" Kristin screams, turning her attention back to me. "When I caught you with Howie you said it wouldn't happen again! What changed within the last month Kevin? Why are you fucking this hoochie?"

"Look lady, call me another name again and I'm going to make you choke on my damn fist," Kess tells her as I try to stop her. "No Kevin, don't be trying to shut me up! If she wants to keep calling me names, let her back her damn words up!"

"Bitch I can do more than back my words up!" Kristin tells her as I stepped in between them as the both of them pushed me out of their way.

"I think we need to take this shit outside!" Kess tells her as she pops Kristin in the mouth and grabbed her by the hair. "Come on! I've had enough of you already and I don't even fucking know you!:"

"Oh shit!" I say, grabbing my pants, pulling them on quickly as I grab my phone to call for security.

Howie's Room

"H-hello?" Howie says into the phone. "Who's this?"

"How are you doing Howie?" Howie hears the voice of Joey Fatone on the other end of the phone.

"W-what is it that you want J-Joey?" Howie asks him, his hand trembling as he held the phone.

"I had to call to check on my boyfriend," Joey spoke as Howie shook his head. "How are things going in Atlanta?"

"I can't talk right now, I need to go," Howie says, lying down on the bed now, ready to hang up the phone until he hears Joey again.

"You better talk to me right now if you want me to keep on loving you Howie!" Joey shouts as Howie jumps up and drops the phone as he covers his head. "I'm waiting Howie! Start talking damnit!"

"P-please Joe, just leave me alone," Howie says, reaching for the phone as someone knocks on the door.

"I'm not going to leave you alone until you do right by me bitch! Drop the charges against me and I'll leave you alone damnit!" Joey shouts as Howie held the phone to his ear.

"Alright I'll do it, just please leave me alone," Howie says, looking towards the door again as the knocking continues.

"You better do it and soon. If you don't, I'll make you regret it and you know I can do that. You are mine and you still belong to me!" Joey shouts as Howie slams the phone down and jumps out of the bed, running out of the room to go answer the door.

"W-who is it?" Howie asks, standing behind the door.

"It's me Alex," AJ says as Howie steps back and opens the door. "Are you okay?"

"I-I'm fine," Howie tells him, turning around and heading back towards the bedroom to get back in bed.

"Come on D talk to me," AJ says, walking into the room and then sitting at the edge of the bed where Howie was lying. "What's wrong baby?"

"N-nothing's wrong with me," Howie tells him, looking up at AJ. "Why did you call me baby? I'm not your baby. I'm too stupid, ugly and dirty to be your baby."

"What? No, you're not stupid, ugly or dirty. You're beautiful to me," AJ says, leaning in and caressing Howie's cheek. "Tell me what's wrong. What happened to upset you like this?"

"There's nothing wrong with me Alex," Howie tells him, turning away from AJ.

"Something is wrong and I know there is. Was it Joey? Did he do something else the other night when he was around?" AJ asks him, rubbing Howie's back. "Please D, don't shut me out. Let me help you."

"You can't help me, no one can," Howie tells him as he started to cry again. "I'm just a fucked up man that nobody wants. I'm only good for one thing, to be used."

"If you were mine, I would comfort you, love you, not hurt...hurt you like Joey did," AJ tells him as Howie turns back around to him.

"How could you love me? I have too much baggage Alex," Howie tells him, sitting up and looking AJ in the eye. "I'm too fucked up for love. I'm not use to it."

"Give me a chance baby, I can show you that and more," AJ tells him, reaching up and caressing Howie's check as a few tears fell from his eyes.

"What about Joey?" Howie asks him.

"What about him?" AJ asks, still caressing Howie's cheek.

"He's not going to leave me alone," Howie tells him. "He'll be around to hound me forever and he'll probably do things to cause trouble for you. He always get what he wants."

"Well if I have anything to say about it, he can't have you anymore. You just say the word and I'll make everything right for you," AJ tells him as Howie just wrapped his arms around his friend and cried.

"I doubt you can, but you can try," Howie says as AJ pulls back and kisses his lips.



I don't know any of the members of «N SYNC, Backstreet Boys or any other celebrities mentioned. I don't know anything about their sexual orientation or the orientation of any other celebrities in this story (even though I wish some of them were gay). This story is fiction and you shouldn't take it for anything else but that. This is for entertainment value only folks.