I'm lost, I'm lost without you baby, The days aren't the same the nights are cold and gray, I need you in my life, If not now then someday... --- Vanessa Williams

Lost Without You

Chapter -- 20, Part B
by JT Poole and Nicole Brown

Wednesday A Bit After Midnight -- Downtown Atlanta -- Club H2O

Kess' POV

I so love to perform.  The applause we got tonight was so worth it.  That lets me know that all of our hard work hasn't been for nothing.  At the rate we're going, `Diamonds' will be a success.  I'm totally wired now and I feel like dancing off some of this energy.  Since we're all still awake and didn't feel like turning in, we decided to hit a night club after JT and Brian came to spring us from the proverbial clink.  I was shocked as all hell when those police creeps jumped up on the stage and tried to pull me, Tayla and Nikki down.  Talking about the way we were dress was lewd.  And then those creeps said we were breaking some fucking morality law.  Morality my ass, they were just mad because they couldn't work it like we could.  I sometimes wonder about the small-minded people in the world today.  First they protested the guys because of Brian being gay and then they wanted to come after us because of our costumes.  They all just need help is all.  I don't know what their fucking problem was anyway.  The fans loved us and to me, that's all that fucking matters.

"Girl, stop dragging your feet," I say, pulling Nikki and Tayla into the club as some people followed behind us snapping pictures at our every move.  Hell we just performed and they acting like flies getting trapped in the honey.  They best step off before I have to snap and put them in their place.

"Girl, slow down!  Are you trying to break my arm off or something?"  Nikki asks me as we moved through the throng of people dancing on the dance floor.

"Come on girl, looks like the action is over there," I say, motioning with my head as we headed to another dance floor in the club so that I can get my dance on.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, may I have your attention please," we heard as the DJ turned off the music and a spotlight came on.  "For all of you that are fans of Kess Daniels and the group `Diamonds', the girls are in the house with us tonight.  Let's give them a nice Atlanta welcome!"

With those words, people around us started clapping and cheering as he cued up a record and my latest single `Skeeza' started playing.  Damn, I just released that song and here it is already being played in a club.  JT is a miracle worker when it comes to promoting.  I'll have to thank him for this later.  Getting to the center of the dance floor, a spot light came on and the three of us looked like deer that got caught in the headlights.

"Everybody let's give Ms. Kess Daniels some encouragement to sing for us," the DJ says, as people all around us were still clapping as someone walked up to me with a microphone and handed it to me.  Shrugging my shoulders, I looked at the girls and the both of them gave me the thumbs up, so it went with it.

There she goes, making a plan
There she goes, taking your man
There she goes, acting like a ho
There she goes, spending his dough 

Can you tell me what's her plan?
Can you tell me how she got your man?
Can you tell me why she's a ho?
Hmmm?  No one knows... 

But to me it's plain and simple...
You girl, the bitch is just mental
She's a big ass skeeza...

After singing the first three verses and hitting the chorus again, the crowd around us was going wild.  Nikki and Tayla were singing along with me and people around us were trying.  When I was done, I handed the mic to the DJ and walked over to a table with the girls.  Ordering a round of drunks, two guys and a girl approached our table.

"Man that was totally bitchin'," the girl says as she lifted her shirt.  "Can I get you to autograph my breast?"

Looking at the girl strangely, I took the pen from her and signed my name.  Looking at Tayla and Nikki, Tayla signed, but Nikki refused to do it.  Laughing, the guy grabbed the girl's hand and dragged her away to another table, leaving the other guy standing there.  Looking at me, he asked could he sit down and join us for a bit.  Since Nikki didn't mind, I scooted over so that he could sit down.  If I didn't know any better, Tayla looked as though she saw something that caught her eye and she was ready to attack.  Following her line of sight, she was watching a skinny black girl dance by herself with a crowd of people standing around her cheering her on.  Before I could do or say anything, Tayla had gotten up and was gone.

"Where she going?"  Nikki asked, trying to keep her eyes on Tayla.

"Oh she sees something she likes," I tell her laughing as the guy smiles at me then Nikki.

"So have you ladies ordered something to drink yet?"  He asked, playing with a napkin.

"Yeah we have," I tell him as he smiles weakly.  "Why don't you call the waitress back over and get yourself a drink...or did you want to buy our drinks?"

"Well sorta both," he says as I waved the waitress back over to our table.

"Could I get a draft and could you add their tab to mine please," the guy says as I smile at him.

"Sure thing Darien," the waitress says, smiling at the guy as we finally knew what his name was.

"So your name is Darien," I say as he blushes and shakes his head.

"Yeah, I'm sorry about that," he says, still blushing.  "I'm Darien, Darien James."

"Nice to meet you Darien James," I tell him, shaking his hand as Nikki did the same.  "So what brings you over to our table this evening?"

"Well I came over to congratulate all of you on your show tonight at the Hard Rock Café and your performance here in my club too," he says as I'm sure my eyes went wide.

"Thank you," both Nikki and I say as Tayla came back to the table with the girl that was dancing over in the corner a few minutes ago.

"So you came back.  Is she what caught your attention?"  I ask as Tayla was smiling from ear to ear.

"I guess so girl," Nikki says as we both start laughing at Tayla who couldn't stop smiling.

"Oh leave me alone," Tayla says as I noticed that she was holding the girl's hand under the table.  I guess they are similar.

"Well if it isn't the hoochie that was sleeping with my man," I hear next to me as I turn to see Kevin and his estranged wife Kristin standing there.

"What the hell!"  I shout, standing up quickly as Kristin stepped back and Kevin stood in front of her.  "Looks like some people never learn."

"You might have got the upper hand the last time, but like I told you, he's my man now and you ain't nothing but a big ole heffa," she says, laughing in my face as I balled up my fist ready to pop her.

"Like I told you, I said that was fine with me, but call me out of my name again and I'm going to get back in that azz," I told her as she waved her hand at me.

"Well if you're a bitch..." she says as I punched the hell out of her ass, not giving her the chance to finish her statement.

"Kess Stop!"  Kevin shouts, helping Kristin up off the floor.

"Kevin, unless you want soma this too, I suggest you shut up and back the hell up off me!"  I scream at him as Kristin jumped at me and grabbed my hair.

"Fucking bitch!"  Kristin screams, kicking and pulling at my hair.

"Bitch, get the fuck off of me!" I scream, punching her in her face again.  "Guess nobody ever taught you how to block a punch."

"Kess stop!  Please stop!"  Kevin shouts, pulling out his cell phone.  "Leave her alone, she's drunk.  She doesn't know what she's doing."

"Apparently, neither do you," I tell him, pushing his ass back and then nailing him in the stomach as he toppled over in pain.

"Kessa stop, you've beat her enough," Nikki says, holding me back as some other people around us was helping Kristin and Kevin.  "We need to get up out of here."

Walking away from the table, the paparazzi were already around snapping pictures and shit.  I tell you the truth, it doesn't take them long to get on the job.  Oh I bet JT is going to freak out about this shit when he finds out about it.  I guess I won't be the one to tell him just yet.

Back at the Hilton -- Brian and JT's Room


Who the hell could this be at this hour?  It's almost two in the morning and they're beating on the damn door like the muthafucking po po.  If it's not an emergency or my son, this better be fucking good or heads will fucking roll.  Putting on my robe and trudging over to the door, I open it to see a woman standing there with a child in her arms.  Looking at her closely, she pushed her way passed me and into the room.

"Excuse me!  Who the hell are you?  What the hell do you think you're doing in here?"  I ask, turning around as the woman stood there watching me as the bathroom door opens and Brian walks out.

"Leigh?  What the hell are you doing here?"  He asks as the woman turns around quickly and walks over to him.

"I'm here because of your son," she says, handing the child in her arms to Brian along with a bag that was on her shoulder.  "Since you can take care of someone else's child, why not start by taking care of your own."

"Leigh I can't...I can't take him right now," Brian says as she turns around quickly.  "You can't just barge in here like this and expect me to take him just like that."

"I didn't get him here by myself Brian.  You need to take some responsibility.  He's your child too!"  She screams as Brian looked at the little boy and then back to her.  "I will ship the rest of his things to you.  I hope you have fun lover boy."

"Leigh you can't leave me this way.  How am I supposed to work and take care of him?"  Brian asks her as she turns around and smiles at him.

"The same way you do everything else...without me," she says, walking past me with an angry look on her face as she walks through the door with security watching us.

"JT do something," Brian says, looking at me with those beautiful puppy dog eyes.

"Handle yo business playa, handle yo business," I tell him as he walks out the door with the little boy in his arms behind the woman.

Lawd it's just more drama and problems we don't need.  Since it's late and we're pulling out early in the morning, I'm going back to bed and I'll catch the rest of this action later.

Thursday Late Morning -- Memphis, TN -- The House of Blues


I feel so refreshed this morning.  We'd been riding on this bus for the last six hours non-stop and we've finally stopped again.  The boys will be headlining tonight at the House of Blues here in Memphis Tennessee and as for today, I have no idea what they will be doing.  As for me, it seems everything is all right in my life at this very moment.  I have my son with me and we're cool.  I have the man I love and everything is finally right with us.  I don't think nothing bad could bring me down right now.  Compared to the way I felt last night before me and Brian straightened out our troubles and then the stuff that went down after the show, today is starting out so much better. 

The events of last night came as a complete shock to me when a crowd of people rushed into the room and started protesting the Backstreet Boys' music.  There were a few people holding up signs in reference to the new adult themed sound and the rest mainly were directed mainly towards Brian and myself.  To say the least, I was two seconds away from popping a few people for hurling remarks I didn't want to hear.  I was thankful when the police showed up to remove the unnecessary people, but was totally pissed an hour later when those same police officers came back and arrested `Diamonds' for breaking some new morality code.  I don't see what the problem was.  We were in an adult themed establishment and I didn't see any problems with what the girls were wearing.  I think the people were just pulling our legs, but they were going to bring the girls up on charges of Lewdness.  It's a bunch of crap if you ask me.

It's a little after eight and our crew and technicians are going to check out things so they can make any modifications if need to.  Later on after lunch, the guys will have a quick dress rehearsal for the show and then they will have the rest of the day free.  Today Chad's tutor would be joining us along with the guys of 'N Sync.  It's a little bit after seven and Brian, Chad, Baylee and I are sitting up watching the news.   Catching the glimpse of Joey Fatone on the news again, I shake my head in disbelief, wondering if this was a big mistake to have both groups on this tour.  Looking over at Brian and then to Chad, I got up and walked to the front of the bus.  Pulling out my cell phone, I called Trey and conferenced him in with Johnny.

"Good morning guys," I say, yawning and stretching a little bit.  "What's first on the agenda for today?"

"The guys will do a photo shoot at the House of Blues and afterwards, they have a radio interview at a local station," Trey tells me as I look back at Brian, not remembering anything about a radio interview for the day.

"Are you sure about that Trey?"  I ask him as I motion for Brian to come over to sit next to me.  "I don't remember anything about a radio interview for the guys listed for today."

"I know that JT, I just added it yesterday," he replies as I lean in and kiss Brian on the cheek as he held Baylee in his arms.

"Well when you added that, don't you think you should have at least told someone, someone like me?"  I ask him, wondering what the hell was going on with him.

"Well I didn't think I had to run that by you, but I guess I did.  Next time I'll remember that," Trey says, sounding a little bit sarcastic as I rolled my eyes and rested my hand on Brian's leg.

"Thank you Trey," I say, disregarding his sigh.  "I would like to be kept in the loop on these things."

"Okay JT," he says as Johnny pipes up this time.

"So how was the show last night?"  Johnny asks, trying to diffuse things before they escalated.

"Just watch the papers for that information," I tell him as Brian starts to giggle.

"What happened?"  He asks as I sigh this time, wondering if I should tell him about the publicity `Diamonds' got last night or not.

"Don't worry about that for right now.  I just basically called to see what was on the agenda.  Now that I know, I have things to do, but I will call you later Johnny," I tell him, smiling as Chad sat in my lap, laying his head on my chest as he hugged me.

"Alright JT, keep me posted," Johnny says as I giggle and hung up the phone.

"You guys have a radio interview today after lunch," I tell Brian as his eyes went wide.  "I didn't do it, Trey did."

"Sometimes I wonder if we have a slave driver as a manager," Brian says, frowning as he laid his head on my shoulder and yawned.

"Maybe you do, but it isn't me," I tell him as I drop my cell phone into my pocket and get up, holding Chad in my arms.  "I'm hungry, how about you Chad?"

"Where are we going daddee?"  Chad asks, yawning again as I laugh at him.

"I don't know yet, but I'm sure we'll find something," I tell him as the four of us exited the bus.

Orlando, FL -- Orange County Federal Court House

Joey's POV

This is totally a waste of my fucking time.  I shouldn't be in here right now having to deal with this shit.  When I get my hands on AJ McLean and Kevin Richardson, they'll regret ever helping Howie with this.  I told them to mind their own fucking business, but they just had to keep on putting their noses into things.  When I'm done with them, they'll wish they'd listened to me the first damn time.  No one gets me thrown in jail over a bitch and not pay.  I'm going to fuck them up, just like I have Howie fucked up.  They'll be my bitches too when this is all over with.  I always wondered what Kevin was like in bed.  Once this shit is over with and we join them on tour, I'll get my chance to figure that one out.

"Good morning Mr. Fatone, I'm Andrea Jansen.  I'm your new defense attorney," the woman tells me as she shakes my hand.  "I was hired by Kelly Baldwin to defend you.  She gave me the information about your case and I agreed to take it."

"How much about things do you know?"  I asked her as she led me over to a table and laid her briefcase on the table.

"Ms. Baldwin told me everything about her relationship with you along with the relationship you have with the victim," she tells me, sitting down in the chair and then motioning for me to sit down too.  "She also gave me some background information about Mr. Dorough that I thought was rather interesting."

"What kind of information?"  I asked her as she pulled a manila folder from her briefcase and laid it out in front of me.  "What's that?"

"This is some information that should help your case," she tells me, opening the folder to show me the many police and hospital reports for Howie.

Reading through the stuff, I wondered how Kelly got all of this stuff and how this lawyer was going to use it to make it work in my favor in front of the judge.  Reading on, I saw some information about Howie that I had never seen before.  Shocked at what I had just read, I got up and walked away from the table.  Freaking out a little bit, I thought about all the times we had fucked without protection.  Oh God, oh God, do I have it too?  How did he get it?  Who did he get it from?  Did I get it from someone else and give it to him?  Does Kelly have it too?  Oh God, what am I going to do?

"Mr. Fatone, are you okay?"  The woman asks, walking over to me and standing next to me.

"Ah, yeah I'm fine," I tell her as she frowns at me and reads the report I had been reading a few minutes ago.

"Mr. Fatone lying to me isn't going to keep a good rapport between the two of us," she tells me as she looks over her glasses at me.  "Is this report true?"

"I don't know," I tell her as she flips the page to read more.

"Well haven't you ever been tested for this sort of thing?"  She asks, looking at some more information in the report.

"No I haven't," I tell her, looking down at an imaginary spot on the floor.  "I never had a reason to get tested for something like that."

"Well maybe now you do," she tells me as she eases me back over to the table to sit back down as all kinds of things went through my mind.

"What do you have to say in your defense to the charges brought against you?"  She asks me as she pulls out a legal pad.

"I'm innocent of all the charges against me.  All that happened was...was we were arguing about something and his friends came in and got the wrong idea about things because he was upset," I tell her as a court bailiff walks past and glances at me a little too long.

"So basically you're saying that you were having an argument and that his friends took it the wrong way and had you falsely arrested?"  She asks as I nod my head.

"They didn't know what was going on.  They just burst into the room, pushed me away from him and then called the police after I'd left," I say, seeing if I can play this with her to my advantage.

"Okay, what else happened?"  She asks, writing things down on her legal pad.

"That was all.  I was at rehearsals later on when the police showed up to arrest me," I tell her as a small crowd of people had formed nearby and everyone was watching me.  "Can we like go somewhere else to talk?  I'm not feeling comfortable here."

"Sure we can," she says, collecting all of her papers and the rest of the stuff she had as we walked down the hall.

Back in Atlanta, GA -- The Hilton Hotel

"Excuse me miss, can I ask you a few questions?"  The man asks, flashing his badge at the young woman sitting behind the reservations desk.

"Ah sure sir, what may I help you with?"  The woman asks, getting a little nervous as she watched the man.

"Have you seen this woman here recently as one of your hotel guests?"  The man asks, showing the woman a picture of Nicole Cavanaugh.

"Yes sir I have," the young woman replies, wondering what it was the man was looking for her for.

"Was she a guest here in this hotel?"  The man asks, leaning down on the counter, getting closer to the woman as she eyed the picture.  "Is Nicole Cavanaugh still registered here?"

"Let me check sir," the woman says, typing some information into the computer and waiting on the results.  "I'm sorry sir but I don't have a Nicole Cavanaugh registered here at all."

"How about Nicole James?" he asks, getting a little bit angry now and scaring the woman a little bit.

"Let me try that sir," she says, typing the new information.  "No sir, no Nicole James either."

"Are you sure you've saw this woman here?"  He asks, pushing the picture closer to her face.

"I'm sure I saw her sir.  She was here yesterday with some other women," the woman tells him as he picks the picture of and slides it back into his jacket.

"Well I don't see how you did," the man says, pulling out a small business card.  "If you see her again, would you please give me a call?"

"Yes sir I will Officer Cavanaugh," the woman says, smiling at the man as he walks away from the desk and she lets out the breath she had been holding in.

Unaware to the man, two other men were across the room monitoring his actions.  Satisfied with what they just witnessed, they gathered their belongings and left the establishment as well.

Back in Memphis, TN -- After Lunch -- On Tour Bus #1

Chad's POV

I'm still sleepy and bored out of my mind.  This is supposed to be my learning time, but this just isn't working.  After lunch, daddy introduced me to this stuck up, uptight and arrogant man named Travis.  Travis is a college student from our hometown and basically he's supposed to be my tutor, but so far he's a jerk.  In my eyes, Travis is a broke down surfer boy that daddy is paying way too much money for.  This guy needs to loosen up or I'm outta here.

"Are you understanding this buddy?"  He asks as I just do my best to try to tune him out.  "Chad buddy, did you hear me?"

"Yeah whatever," I say as he closes the book and looks over at me.

"Are you not interested in math right now?"  He asks me as I got up from the table and walked over to the refrigerator to get bottled water.

"Not really, I'd rather be doing something fun with my time instead of being cooped up in here with you doing school work," I tell him as he stands up and stretches.

"Then what would you be doing right now if I wasn't here?"  He asked me.

"I don't really know, but I know it would be fun," I tell him as I gulped down some of the water.  "You're boring as hell."

"He's boring as what?"  I hear from behind me as I turn around slowly to see daddy standing there with Brian and Baylee.

"Ah...hi daddy," I say, as he walked closer to me, backing me up against the refrigerator door.

"Hi son," he says, getting in my face, looking at me closely.  "Would you mind repeating what you just said to Travis?"

"I ah...I...well," I say, wondering if I was about to get the beat down from hell.

"Don't stutter boy, speak up," he says, looking me in the eye right now as I started to cry.  "Crying ain't going to save you Chad."

"JT he didn't mean to say it," Travis says as I was starting to like him for trying to save my bacon.  "He's just a little bit bored with all the things we've gone over."

"Maybe he is bored, but that doesn't give him the right to talk like a sailor in training," he says as Brian got up with the baby and walked over to us.

"JT baby calm down," Brian says, resting his hand on daddy's shoulder.

"Brian, mind your business.  This is my boy and I'm fixing to beat his lil ass," he says as I started crying harder now.  "He's only eleven years old, that word shouldn't even be in his vocabulary.  Hell the word shouldn't have come out of his mouth.  Since he's a child, he should have some respect for Travis, who happens to be an adult."

"JT please," Travis says as daddy turned and looked angrily at him.  "He didn't mean to say those words.  Could you please not punish him?"

"Oh he's going to be punished and big time," he says, taking my hand and pulling me to the back of the bus.

"I'm really sorry daddy," I say as he looks at me and then stops what he was doing.

"Why did you say what you said?"  He asks me, sitting down on the bunk behind him and pulling me into his lap.  "Why were you so rude to Travis?"

"I'm not interested in school stuff right now daddy, I...I don't want to think about all of that," I tell him as he looks at me closely.  "I want to spend this time with you."

"I know you do son, but you can't be acting any kind of way," he tells me as he hugs me.  "You need to go apologize to Travis and then you two need to get back to work."

"Okay daddy," I say as he smacks me on my behind and send me on my way.


Author's Note:  Skeeza written and copyrighted by JT Poole and performed by Kessandra Daniels, Deidra Hart and Tayla Hart.


I don't know any of the members of «N SYNC, Backstreet Boys or any other celebrities mentioned.  I don't know anything about their sexual orientation or the orientation of any other celebrities in this story (even though I wish some of them were gay).  This story is fiction and you shouldn't take it for anything else but that.  This is for entertainment value only folks.