I'm lost, I'm lost without you baby, the days aren't the same the nights are cold and gray, I need you in my life, If not now then someday... --- Vanessa Williams


Lost Without You

Chapter -- 21

by JT Poole and Nicole Brown


Memphis, TN -- The House of Blues -- Sound/Mic Check




The guys just finished up their sound check and they seem like they're ready for tonight's show.  Having lunch with the guys and cutting up with Nick, everything seems to have calmed down now.  After having had a long talk with Chad about his new found bad attitude, he assured me that he would try to work on it.  Since I found out about his little mental disorder that he picked up from me, he's been trying to use that as an excuse for the way he's been acting and treating people.  I don't know how Tasha let him get away with that stuff, if she did, but I'm going to do my best to squash it right now while he's still young. 


Now, after he and Travis have finished up their session, we're all sitting here in the audience area of `The House of Blues' chilling out and just enjoying things until its time for us to go to dinner or whatever.  I had been trying to catch up on some paperwork, but being on the road makes that hard to do when you don't have the luxury of having access to the things you need.  Giving up on working, I decided that now would be a good time to get to know Brian's son Baylee.   Turning around to look at Baylee, I start to speak to him, but Travis starts talking, canceling out that little idea.


"So JT, hanging around these guys haven't made you want to change careers yet?"  Travis asks, sipping his drink and laying his Palm Pilot c on the table in front of us.


"Why would I want to change careers Travis?"  I ask him as he smiles at me and then motions with his head over to the stage area.


"They sound guys left the mic up there.  Go on... belt out a song or two.  See if you still have it in you," Travis says as Chad smiles at me.


"I don't need to do that Travis," I say as Chad continues to smile as Travis looked at him and then back up to me.


"Daddy doesn't have to do that, he showed us all the other day," Chad tells him as Travis pouts.


"Awwww man, come on JT.  If you sing, I'll sing back up on whatever song you go with," Travis says, standing up now and looking at me with those puppy dog eyes that use to get me back in school.  "Come on man, you're hanging out with a crazy Backstreet Boy for God's sake.  That should be enough to encourage you to sing more.  In my eyes, I think you could have done better than Brian, but oh well.  It's your life JT.  It's just one song."


Lawd the boy don flipped his lid and he trying to cause trouble.  I don't need this right now, especially for a guy that doesn't know how to stick with one career.  Brian and I just got our shit together finally and here he is trying to break that down again.  Let me kill this conversation before the guys get back and it gets out of hand.


"Travis don't start," I say as Chad started eyeing Travis with his magical death stare as I shook my head at him, wanting to laugh.  "If it satisfies you, maybe I can do a song, but I'll sing it, not with you."


"Okay then," he says, eyeing me as I closed the folder in front of me.


Getting up from the table, I pushed Travis down in his seat and walked over to the stage.  Looking down, wondering if I should be doing this, Brian, Nick, Kevin and AJ walked back into the room.  Picking up the microphone, I spotted Nikki, Kess, Tayla and her friend walking through the back doors on the other side of the room.


"Come on JT man, stop stalling," Travis says as both me and Chad glare at him.


"Man hush," I tell him, trying to get my thoughts together.


Clearing my throat and hitting a few notes, I looked at Brian and smiled at him while glaring angrily at Travis for the things he said a few minutes ago.  Looking over to see Nikki again, she smiled at me and turned around.


"What song should I sing?"  I ask, thinking about that question as Kess came over to me and we exchanged looks.  Telling her what had transpired so far, she smiled at me and gave me an idea.  After telling me about a Destiny's Child song she wanted to sang, she thought it would be fitting that I sang it to convey a point to Travis.  Smiling at her, she waved Tayla over and the both of them agreed to sing the back up parts since both of them knew the song.  Clearing my throat again, I was going to sing My Man and prayed that I didn't get into any trouble doing it.  Walking over to the side of the stage, I stuck my tongue out at Travis and started singing.


You say that he's wrong

You say that he's no good

Leave em alone cuz he's gonna hurt you

But what they don't know is how he makes me feel


You say that he creeps

Always running' the streets

He's playing the game

And he'll never love me

You say that he's fake but why does it feel so real


Walking off the stage and walking over to the table, Travis' eyes went wide as he knew the song I was singing and whom I was singing it about.  Standing behind him while I watched Brian and Baylee, Chad smiled at me as I prayed I wouldn't fuck up while the other guys watched my performance for the first time.  Please don't screw up as I think as Kess and Tayla starts singing now.


No matter what you say I ain't going nowhere

No matter what you think I will always be there

The love that we share it lives inside of me

No matter what you hear it's all in the past

No matter what you feeling this love is gone last

The heart of his soul it breeds inside of me


Moving into the chorus, Nikki and Tayla's friend sat down at the table in the corner and watched how things were going to play out.  Drawing a little more strength from my girls, I tried to ignore the fact that AJ, Kevin and now Trey were watching me like a hawk with their mouths open.  Moving around the table, I leaned down level to Chad and hugged him as I sang.  Singing the song so far, you wouldn't know if I was singing about Brian or Lance who just happened to walk in with Justin.


My man, he makes me feel so special

My man, he makes me feel so precious

My man, he makes me feel wonderful

My man, I'm feeling so comfortable

My man, he makes me feel so special

My man, he makes me feel so precious

My man, he makes me feel wonderful

He has problems but he's my man


You say you don't trust em

Because he's been with women

You say that he trouble cuz he out in the strip club

But you were young once so you should understand

You say that you know

So you been a witness

You say its fo sho

Say he got a mistress

Until you can show me I'm gone stand by him


No matter what you say I ain't going nowhere

No matter what you think I gon always be there

The love that we share it lives inside of me

No matter what you hear it is all in the past

No matter what you feeling this love is gone last

The heart of his soul it breeds inside of me


Going through the hook, I saw that other people had come into the room and there were people standing out in the hall around the doors watching me.  Trying to keep my cool and concentrate only on Chad, Brian and Nikki, I kept on singing, hoping that this goes over well without problem.


My man, he makes me feel so special

My man, he makes me feel so precious

My man, he makes me feel wonderful

My man, I'm feeling so comfortable

My man, he makes me feel so special

My man, he makes me feel so precious

My man, he makes me feel wonderful

He has problems but he's my man


My man, he makes me feel so special

My man, he makes me feel so precious

My man, he makes me feel wonderful

My man, I'm feeling so comfortable

My man, he makes me feel so special

My man, he makes me feel so precious

My man, he makes me feel wonderful

He has problems but he's still my man


Finishing up the song, Kevin and AJ stood up, with their mouths still open like they were trying to catch flies.  With other people at the doors and in the room clapping, I handed the microphone to one of the sound guys and took a bow.  Waving at the people in the room, Chad got up and hugged me quickly as Brian and Baylee joined us.


"Thank you everyone," I say, smiling as Kess and Tayla joined me off stage.  "Kess Daniels and Tayla Hart of `Diamonds'."


"That's my man.  I told ya'll he could sing," Brian says, kissing me on the cheek as a camera flash went off and I probably looked like a deer caught in the headlights of my jeep.


"You can sing?"  Kevin asks, walking over to where we stood as AJ and the others joined him.


"Yes he can sing.  Didn't you just see him singing?  Dang cuz, you need to pay attention," Brian says as he hugs me again and the people in the room started to die down as we walked back over to the table and Travis just sat there looking like someone had popped him in the back of the head for doing something wrong.  Sounds like something I should actually do.


"Kessa are you okay?"  I ask as she had this strange look on her face.


"I'm fine J, just that my stomach is a lil queasy," she replies as she turns around and walks out of the room as I shrug and sit down.


"I had no idea you could sing," Justin says as I glare at him and Jamie as they walked over to the table.  "Scoop did you know that about him?"


"Yeah and I think he's still terrible," he replies as I so wanted to smack him upside the head, but Nikki did it for me.  "What the hell!"


"Aw hell naw you didn't!  Look here you bitch ass..."  Nikki says as I and Brian got to her before she can say or do anything else.  "Git cho ass off of me fo I bust yo lil po ass!  JT stop before you catch some ass beatin' too!"


"Nik-Nik let it go. Don't cause any more trouble," I tell her as she looks at me.


"You're very lucky Lance," she says as he flips her the bird.  "See you just begging to cash in that asswhipping chip."


"I see the both of you can't handle the truth," he says as I shake my head, wondering why he was here a day earlier than supposed to.


"Lance you still wouldn't know talent if it crawled out and bit you in yo used up ass," Nikki tells him as he turns to look at her with his mouth wide open.  "That's something you're use to doing too."


"Well I never," he says as Nikki actually smacked him across the back of the head this time.


"You never will if you keep on talking," she tells him as the security guys walked into the room.


"Nikki, cool it," Josh Chasez says as he walks up behind her.  "You don't need to get yourself into trouble."


"Like you can talk Joshua," she tells him as the security guy walked over to us.


"Is there a problem in here?"  The first security guy asks as I shook my head, hoping that Nikki and Jamie wouldn't draw this matter out any further.


"There's not a problem here sir," I say, smiling weakly as Jamie glared at me and then Nikki.


"Alright, just be sure that you keep it down in here," the security guy says as he and the others walked out of the room.


"Why is there always security around when Candypants there is about to get his ass beat down?"  She asks as I shook my head at her.


"Come on Nikki girl, stop it," Josh tells her as he starts pulling her from the room.


"I'm telling the truth ya'll," she says as Josh continued to pull her from the room.  "Security or somebody is always around when someone's about to get up in that ass of his."


"Nikki you need to calm down," he says, getting her out the back door that she and the others had came in earlier.


Outside the House of Blues




This girl hasn't changed a bit in the seven years that I've known her.  She's still a lil fire cracker with lots of sparks to go around.  I don't know for the life of me, why she and Lance can't get along.  I know it has a lot to do with how he and JT broke up, but even before they broke up, she always had a chip on her shoulder when it came to Lance.  Maybe one day she'll tell, but right now, I'm trying to get her calm.


"Girl calm down.  He's back there, you're out here alone with me now," I tell her, wrapping my arms around her as her mouth was still moving a mile a minute complaining about how she's going to ram her foot so far up Lance's ass.


"You just wait until I get my hands on him!  I'm going to yank those blonde spikes out of his head by the roots!"  She screams as I spun her around in my arms and kissed her.


Yep that worked.  As soon as my lips touched hers, she melted into my arms and returned the kiss.  I always knew my kisses could charm anyone and this is a perfect example of that.  We kissed for a few seconds and she pulled back, the anger that was present in her eyes moments ago almost gone, but not forgotten.  Leaning in to kiss her again, she smiled and we connected once more, with me nipping at her bottom lip begging for entrance.  As she kindly parted her lips and let me in again, our tongues began a harmonious battle of the sexes, with her trying to search out every nook and cranny of my mouth as I did the same to her.


As we continued to kiss, out the corner of my eye, I saw the door to the club open and Nick Carter was standing there.  Stopping in his tracks, he just stared at me and Nikki kissing.  A little bit shaken at seeing the two of us kiss, to get a rise out of him, I moved my hand down to her ass as he balled up his fist and turned around.  That's what I thought.  When it comes to Nikki and me, he'll never measure up.  Fucking loser...


"Josh we have to stop this," she tells me as she pulls away from me.  "I can't be out here doing this."


"Sure you can," I tell her, moving closer to her as I was ready to get back down to business.


"No Josh.  We need to go back inside," she tells me as she starts walking back towards the door.


"Nikki, wait," I say as she stops and turns around.


"Wait for what Joshua?"  She asks me as I didn't really know what to say to her at the moment.  "Hmph!  Just like always Josh, you don't have anything to say."


Oh well, I messed up another chance to tell her how I felt.  I guess I'll get to tell her next time.  I just hope that damn Nick Carter hasn't completely won her heart.


A While Later After the Backstreet Boys' Show


Nick's POV


I can't believe I caught her and JC Chasez outside kissing like that.  What the hell was going through her fucking mind?  She's supposed to be my woman!  How could she do something like that to me?  I thought she loved me, but I guess I was wrong, yet again.  Why can't I find a person that can be faithful to me?  I get tired of giving my heart to someone else and then they turn around and cheat—or worse!  I can't deal with this right now.  I need to talk...talk to someone that understands.


"I'll call him; I know he'll talk to me about this.  I know he understands what I'm going through, he'll he's been through it plenty of times with his bitch," I say aloud, pulling out my cell phone and leaning up against the wall.  "Maybe he was right when we spoke a few months ago.  I should have listened to him then."


Dialing a very familiar number, I wait for all the bullshit prompts to pass, entering some security information given to me into the phone as it does a few clicks and then it rings again.  Smiling to myself this time, I hear a familiar voice and I sigh, knowing that he's got his cell phone turned on and that we can talk for a bit.


"Who this is?  Talk to me," he says into the phone.


"Hey, it's me.  Do you have time to talk?"  I ask him as I look down at the ground as the door to the main room opens and a few people walk out.


"Nicky what's wrong with you?"  He asks me as I was so happy to hear his voice, but sad all the same.  "Are you okay bud?"


"No I'm not okay man," I tell him, sniffling as I look up to see JT and some other guy walking into main room.  Ducking my head so that he wouldn't recognize me, I turned around also so I can walk outside and get on one of the tour buses.


"Are you crying Nicky?  What's wrong?"  He asks me.


"She cheated on me man," I tell him, gasping for air now as I wiped my face on my shirt and got to the tour bus.  "She fucking cheated on me with JC Chasez of fucking «N Sync!"


"Calm down Nicky.  Now tell me who cheated on you man?"  He asks me probably going to sit down as I heard him moving some things.


"My new girl Nikki cheated on me.  She told me that she wanted to be with me, but the moment I turn my back, she's kissing and hugging on JC," I tell him as I sniffled again.


"Man you're shitting me right?"  He asks, laughing at me as I kicked the wall in the kitchen area.  "You lost your girl to one of those pussy ass bitches from «N Sync?  Oh that's some fucked up shit man.  Only wimps lose they bitches to guys like that."


"I know it sounds bad man, but it still hurts!"  I shout at him, sorry that I did it when I hear him sigh.


"I'm sorry Nicky, I shouldn't have said it like that," he tells me as I turn around and sit down.


"It still hurts man.  I was falling in love with her and she did that to me," I tell him, a little bit hurt that he would say something so mean to me and also a little angry that he would tease me at a time like this.


"I know it hurts Nicky, but you can't let some bitch hurt you like that. I told you this before when you clung to that Paris ho and I also told you that when you was with Willa.  Hell, I told you not to let bitches fuck up your mind when you and Brian stopped fooling around.  I thought I taught you better than that..." He explains as I interrupt him.


"I know Tommy man, but I'm falling in love with her.  I'm willing to cut everything else out just to be with her all the time.  It's just how we were when you decided to get back with Pamela this year," I say as he sighs again.


"Don't talk about that bitch man; she's not on my favorite bitches list right now!"  He shouts, scaring me a little bit as I held the phone away from my ear.


"Sorry man.  So she's left you again?"  I ask him, probably knowing the answer to that already.


"Yeah she's being one of those uptight bitches right now.  She's not happy with her career, so she's taking that shit out on me and the kids," he informs me as I get up and grab a bottled water out of the frig.  "She went off to stay with some of her girlfriends, and left me and the kids here alone."


"Are the kids there with you now?"  I ask him.


"Nah, my mom has the kids right now," he tells me as I turn around quickly as I thought I heard someone coming onto the bus.  "So where are you guys tonight?"


"We're in Tennessee tonight," I tell him, wondering why he wanted to know that.


"Why?"  I ask.


"Do you want me to come and make you feel better?"  He asks me.  "I know where I can get us some candy and I'm sure that will cheer you right up Nicky."


"I don't know man," I tell him.


"Look man, she cheated on you already.  It's not like you have to stay faithful to her.  She was the one that broke the faithful chain.  It wouldn't be cheating since it seems that she doesn't want to be with you anyway," he tells me, trying to show me that it really wouldn't be cheating if we hung out.


"You have a point Tommy, but I don't think I should do that right now.  I might need to just confront her and see what it is that she really wants first.  If she wants me, I want things to be on equal footing," I tell him.


"If we hook up, things will be on equal footing," he says as his idea was sounding more viable to me now.  "Come on Nicky, I know you want to.  Just say the word and I'll have the plane gassed up and I'll be there for you."


"Let me think about it Tommy," I tell him, looking out the window as I spot Trey and AJ walking towards the bus.  "I'll call you back man, I gots to go."


"Okay Nicky, I'll be waiting to hear from you.  Just call me here at the house," he tells me, letting me know that he was actually at home and not someplace else.


"I'll call you later on, probably after we start moving on to the next stop which will be pretty soon after she's done performing with those other wenches," I tell him as he sighs again.


"Alright Nicky, I'll still be here waiting for you," he tells me as we said our goodbyes and disconnected the call.


I'll talk to her ass first and then find out what's actually going on before I actually hook up with Tommy.  I know I saw her kissing JC, but maybe she wasn't kissing him, maybe he forced himself on her or something.  Only she can straighten this out.


After 11 -- Diamonds' Show @ the House of Blues



Nikki's POV


Kessa, Tayla and I are onstage and the crowd loves us. I woulda thought that after that little fiasco that JC orchestrated at the last show that they would be throwing eggs and booing us off the stage. I guess Josh was right after all: there really is no such thing as bad press.


"Thanks everybody!" I shouted into the mike as we finished our cover of Independent Women. "Right now, I think we're gonna slow things down a little and give you lovers out there a chance to bring it together. So why don't you ladies grab your men and give him something he can feel while we give ya'll something smooth to groove to."


The sound of rain falling filled the room as our band segued into Making Love in the Rain by Janet Jackson. Kess and I had heard it on the radio a few days before and decided that since JT was adding songs to our set, we might as well add that one. This would be our first night of actually performing it, so I was still kind of nervous about how it would go. Kess took her cue, singing the hook while I took the verses. Tayla would come in on the choruses—at least that's the way we practiced it. Hopefully we wouldn't make ourselves look too foolish.



Making love in the rain, I can't believe the joy it brings me

And when I'm all alone, I hear the rain on my window



It's just a little thing, but it means so much to me

Our bodies together, while the rain plays a melody


[Kess] Every raindrop makes me think of you

([Nikki:] Wishing you were close to me)

There is nothing that I'd rather do






Making love in the rain, I can't believe the joy it brings me

And when I'm all alone, I hear the rain on my window


Kess and I must sound pretty good because nobody's even dancing as they listen to us sing. Either that or we sound so bad that they can't quite figure out what the hell our problem is. Our voices lace in and out, perfectly in harmony, so I know we sound amazing in spite of the near deafening silence in the room. Kessa winks at me, fighting a smirk. Oh yeah, we got `em now!



When it's stormy outside, it's calm in my heart, with you in my arms

And when you're away from me, I wish it would rain 'cause it's always the same



Every raindrop makes me think of you

([Nikki:] Wishing you were close to me)

There is nothing that I'd rather do

([Nikki:] Rather do)






Making love in the rain, I can't believe the joy it brings me

([Nikki:] I can't believe)

And when I'm all alone, I hear the rain on my window

([Nikki:] On my window, I hear the raindrops flow)



Making love in the rain, I can't believe the joy it brings me

([Nikki:] Oh, oh making love)

And when I'm all alone

([Nikki:] All alone), I hear the rain on my window

([Nikki:] on my window, I hear it rain, yeah)


Suddenly our music became discordant, like it was being overlapped by someone else's song. The lights went down and then there he was onstage with us, not two feet away from me. Josh moved closer to me, his eyes never leaving mine and burning with an intensity that I had never seen in them before. I looked over at my girls, but Kess and Tayla stood behind me shrugging as if to let me know that they were just as clueless about what he was doing as I was. Josh brought the microphone up, one arm slipping around my waist as he began to sing.


Your love is like a candle

It flickers in the dark

You came into my life

And brightened up my heart

With you by my side

I see the love that I wanna feel

Show me your lovin', baby

Show me that it's real


Just take my hand

I'll make you understand

I want you

You want me

And that's the way it's got to be

Now that you're here

I'm gonna make it clear



Give me the love I need, give in to me

Just give me the love I need

Hold me, caress me,

Give in to me

Hold me, caress me,

Give in to me

Give me the love I need, give in to me

Just give in to me


Josh leaned in closer, his lips mere inches from my ear as he sang to me. He held me tight, like he was afraid I'd run if he let me go. Honestly, he's not far from the truth, but ok. All eyes on us, but when Josh is near me, I really just don't give a damn about anybody but him.


Your love is like a whisper (whisper)

Saying what I want to hear

Your eyes cry secrets

My heart will dry your tears

Girl, I need to have you near me

Loving I would find

Girl, I would hold your heart

Inside, embrace your mind


Just take my hand

I'll make you understand

I want you

You want me

And that's the way it's got to be

Now that you're here

I'm gonna make it clear


As he sang, we were close enough to kiss, but he let me go. Something in his eyes told me that the next move was mine. We swayed together, not touching but perfectly in sync with each other as we danced. I wanted him in a way that I just couldn't walk away from. He was the one I'd loved even after I had married Jason, but I had no clue how he really felt about me.


Tossing caution to the wind, I reached for him, moving back into the circle of his arms as he sang. He looked into my eyes again, and for the first time, I knew that he really did love me. Damn it, why couldn't he just tell me back then? Now I have Nick to consider, but when Josh touches me again, all thoughts of Nick flee as we sway together, lost in each other again.


Just give me the love I need

I need your lovin' tonight, sweet lady

I wonder what the nights'd be like

Without you near me, yeah

Give in to me, girl

I need you by my side

Just give me the love I need

I need your lovin', baby

I need your love

I need your love


As the music fades away, I see somebody standing and staring at us like we were committing some kind of felony, but it's so dark I can't really see who it is. Whoever they are is headed for the backstage area and they're being followed by several other people. I can't hear over the applause JC and I are getting, but it looks like they're talkin' shit to each other. Just then the lights go back up and I can see that it's JT, Brian, Lance and Justin and yeah, it's about to be on.


"We'd better get back there," I tell Kessa, Tayla and Josh as the house lights go up and we leave the stage.


A Few Minutes Later -- Backstage


Brian's POV


I can't believe he actually said that shit to JT in front of my fucking face!  The boy got issues and I think it's time for me to resolve them for him.  He hurt JT a lot in the past and with that hurt, it's making it harder for me and JT to be together.  I know part of JT's hurt and our problems have something to do with the past me and Nick have, but the most of it is because of what Lance did to him.  If Lance hadn't treated him so badly, he wouldn't feel like I'm going to do the same things to him.


Now we're standing backstage and both Lance and Justin are talking shit like muthafuckers now.  Justin started things off first when he began spouting off random comments about how Lance liked him better in bed and shit.  I don't think JT let that phase him much, to me he shook it off.  After stepping back away from him, I stepped in.  The look in his eyes told me that the words Justin was saying was hurting him, but he tried not to show any other signs of that hurt. Wanting to do nothing more than console him, I opted to get into Lance's ass first when I pushed him up against the wall.


"You want to say that shit again Lance Bass?"  I asked him as Justin steps in front of him, trying to run interference between my fists beating the hell out of Lance.


"That's Lance Timberlake bitch," Justin says, taking a swing at me as I ducked the punch and then pushed him down to the floor.  "You fucker!"


"You're probably mad I'm not fucking you," I tell him, smiling as he got up and tried to take another swing at me.  "Fuck off Justin! You're not connected to the ass I'm going to beat down in just a minute.  Mind your business unless you want me to get in yo azz next."


"You're not going to lay a finger on my man," he says as I start laughing and punch him in the face, knocking him back to the ground as he slid across the floor, stopping when he hit the wall.


"Oh my Fucking God," Lance says as I shook my finger at him, stepping closer to him.


"Now, now Lance. I thought you knew better than to use the Lord's name in vain like that," I tell him as he glared at me, like he was ready to hit me or something.  "I don't care how you look, you hurt JT and I'm going to whoop your punk ass.  I don't know of any person in their right mind that would purposely hurt a man like him.  His heart is too big to be treated the way you treated him so many years ago."


"You don't know what the fuck you're talking about Brian!"  Lance shouts at me as I shake my head at him.  "You were not there, hell you weren't even concerned when we were together!"


"I might not have been around or concerned at the time, but Lance, I have six people that know how bad you treated him!  What reasons did you have to treat him so badly?  Can you actually tell me that Lance?"  I ask him, ready to start pummeling him right then.


"I don't have to fucking answer to you Brian!"  He shouts at me as I got a little closer to him, ready to kick his ass to sleep.


"You hurt him because you tried to make him believe that he couldn't do no better than you!"  I shout at him, holding him up against the wall now, a few tears streaming down my face now.  "You used his past and his insecurities against him and you know you did!"


"What the hell is going on out here?"  Nikki asks as she, along with Kess, Tayla, Kevin, Nick and AJ walked back there where we were.


"I'm going to cash in his ass whipping chip that you never got to collect," I tell her as she steps closer to me.


"Brian, stop this man. Don't get yourself into any trouble," Kevin says as I tune him out, not caring what it was he was saying.


"Hmmm, there's no security around here.  Well, well, well, looks like it's our lucky night," Nikki says as Lance's eyes went wide.  "See you should have got that ass whipping from me, but since Brian here is so pumped up and ready to do, I'm going to let him do it."


"Don't listen to her Brian," Kevin says as she smiled at me, flipped him off and then turned back to me.


"Beat 'im," she says as I turn my attention back to Lance and start punching him in the stomach as I held my fingers around his throat, keeping him in place.


"Bri stop before you do something you'll regret later on!"  Kevin shouts as Nikki turns around, staring him in the face as I continue to punch Lance.


"Shut up yo ole fool and mind yo bizness!"  Nikki tells him as he tries to ignore her as she blocks his path to me.  "Don't worry about what's going on over hur Brian, just beat his azz."


"Somebody...someone...help...me," Lance says in between punches as I ignored every plea for help he uttered.


Looking out the corner of my eye, I see JT standing in the corner smiling widely, probably cheering in his mind for me beating the shit out of Lance.  Still punching him, Trey, AJ and JC run over and pull me quickly off the little bitch and throw me to the ground.  I got up ready to get back to work, but AJ pushes me back again as he and Trey held me back while JC checked on Lance.


"What the hell do you think you're doing Brian?"  Trey asks me as Lance falls down to the floor, trying to catch his breath while JC pulled out a handkerchief to wipe the blood from around his nose.


"Nikki what the hell is going on around here?  What happened to Lance and Justin?"  JC asks her as he grabs her by the arm and pulls her away from the rest of us as she starts smiling more.


"Lance finally got what's due him," I barely hear her say as she continued smiling.  "He got the hell beat out of him because of the shit he did to JT."


"Oh my God Nikki, that was so long ago," he says to her as I got up and moved closer to the two of them.  "Why can't you just give that shit a rest?"


"The hell it is in the past.  To this day, Lance still has a bad fucking attitude and it's about time someone showed him some damn manners," she says as I spot Nick walking quickly towards them.


"You!  We need to talk right now," Nick says as he takes Nikki's hand out of JC's and he starts walking away with her from JC, leaving him standing there probably wondering what the hell was going on.


Outside the House of Blues -- A Few Minutes Later


Nikki's POV


"Nick, you're hurting me! Let go!" I cried out as Nick jerked on my upper arm, propelling me along next to him. "Damn it Nick, let go of me! Stop pulling on me!"


"Shut the fuck up," Nick snapped, his eyes glittering menacingly as he continued to stride in the direction of the buses. His pace never slowed, and I was forced to run alongside him to keep him from ripping my shoulder out of the socket. When we reached our bus, he strode up the stairs, practically lifting me off the ground and once we were on board, he tossed me onto one of the couches on the bus.


"What the fuck is wrong with you?" I shouted, cradling my arm. "You could have broken my arm, damn you!"


"Do you love me Nicole?" he asked softly, hooding his eyes so that I couldn't read them. I looked up then, my eyes narrowing as I tried moving my arm.


"Right now, no I don't," I stated defiantly, my chin inching upwards as he moved closer to me, a look I couldn't quite place burning in his eyes. "You almost tore my shoulder out Nick! What the hell's your problem anyway?"


"I saw you with him today," he replied, smiling sadly, but even that did not reach his eyes, which remained cold. "I—I trusted you with my heart and you walked all over it. You don't care about me. You never did, did you? I was just a convenient piece of dick that you used until you could get back with him... you're just like all the rest of those whores... you just wanted me for sex."


"Nicky, that's not true," I stated, touching his arm. He jerked away from me, turning his back to me and pacing the small area. "I never intended to hurt you...  this thing with JC just happened. I do care about you Nick... you have to know that I love you too."


"Liar!" he snapped, blindsiding me with a vicious shot that knocked me off my feet. No sooner than I landed on the floor then I saw his hand swing back and threw my hands up, protecting my face as much as possible as he vented his anger, but it wasn't fast enough as he managed to hit me in my other eye.


I don't know how long the blows continued, but when Nick finally ran out of gas, he pulled me up from the floor, dragging me back toward the bedroom at the rear of the bus with me fighting him every step of the way. Something in me resisting must have pissed him off because he snapped again and the next thing I knew, he was backhanding me across the mouth and cursing me again as he started ripping at my clothes.


"Nick please... don't do this" I cried, fighting as much as I could, as I begged him to let me go and not to hurt me.


"You're mine! He'll never take you away from me!" he snapped, slapping me again until I finally stopped fighting. He tangled his fingers in my hair, pulling so hard that it was either lean my head back or have him break my neck. He attacked my neck then, sucking and licking my hot spot. Some time during this onslaught, I forgot to be afraid of him anymore and became aroused.


"Nick... we need... to stop," I gasped as he continued his attack, his hands at my nipples teasing them into taunt peaks. "Nick, we... fuck... need... protection!"


Nick completely ignored me as his hands went under my skirt, ripping my panties aside roughly and thrusting inside me. Nick finally looked into my eyes, his hands pushing my hair back as he moved inside of me, raining kisses over my face, eyes and cheeks, stopping to delve into my mouth again and again. There was nothing gentle about our lovemaking now. It was rough, intense and hard, and I knew I'd be feeling it for days to come.


"Oh fuck!" I shrieked, my orgasm tearing through me almost immediately when Nick began to stroke my clit, rubbing it fast and hard as he emptied himself inside me and volley after volley of his seed filled me.


"God I love you so much," he gasped out, body jerking as he savored the moment. When his body finally stopped trembling, he looked and really saw me all battered and bruised. His eyes widened in horror as what he'd done finally reached his brain. "I—I'm sorry baby... did I hurt you?"


"I'm okay I think," I muttered, pulling a sheet up to cover myself even though, except for my now ruined panties I was still fully clothed. As soon as he pulled out of me, I shoved him off, running for the bathroom and locking myself inside. Soon enough, I could hear Nick pounding on the door.


"Nikki, please open the door," he yelled, shaking the door as he tried the handle and cursing when he found it locked. "Nikki, please... I—I didn't mean to hurt you. I'd never hurt you... please come out."


"I'll be out in a second Nickolas," I managed to get out as I finished cleaning myself up, washing away any evidence of what had just happened between he and I before having to face him again.


I opened the door slowly, peeking out to see where he'd gone. I sighed when I didn't see him, thinking that perhaps he'd gone back to his own bus. I almost jumped clean out of my skin when his hand touched my shoulder. I turned to face him, meeting his eyes only through a supreme act of will. I just wanted him to go away and leave me alone, but he held out a chemical cold pack, his eyes filling with tears when he saw just how much damage he'd done to my face.


"I'm sorry... please, don't hate me," he whispered, breaking completely and dropping to his knees in front of me, wrapping his arms around my waist and holding me tightly. "I don't think I could take it if you hated me too."


"I—I don't hate you Nicky," I whispered, fighting tears as I stroked his hair. "I just don't understand why you did this. You know how much I care about you... why can't you just believe that I would never do anything to hurt you? Why did you have to... hurt me like this?"


"I'm just a stupid, jealous prick and I hated seeing JC with his hands all over you," Nick stated, looking up at me with tears clinging to his lashes. "He still loves you, and I'm scared... scared that I'll loose you because you're gonna wake up and realize that I'm nowhere near good enough for you."


"You are good enough for me Nicky," I said softly, leaning down to kiss him gently. "You are generous and loving and silly, and best of all, you make me smile. I—I know you didn't mean to do this... and I could never hate you, but you need to start trusting me when I'm with Josh."


"How can I trust you when it seems like you're always kissing him?" he asked, tears filling his eyes again. "I came outside earlier and he looked me straight in the eye and then grabbed your ass... he still wants you."


"Josh doesn't know what he wants," I replied, caressing his face. "He never has been able to make up his mind where I'm concerned, so none of that matters anymore."


"Do you still love him?" he asked, his eyes begging me to deny what I felt, but I knew I could never live with the consequences of my actions if I didn't come clean right now.


"I don't know what I feel for him anymore," I stated, smiling sadly. "He and I never had any closure Nick, and I think that's part of the reason we just seem to gravitate towards each other now. I did love him with everything I am at one time, but he never cared about me as much as I did about him, so I left Orlando and married my—Jason."


"I—I understand," Nick said solemnly, getting up and leading me back to the bedroom again, this time sitting on the bed fully clothed. "Come here."


I lay down with my head in his lap, my newly acquired headache throbbing when I heard Kess and Tayla boarding the bus, laughing and talking with Tayla's new girlfriend Danielle. Somehow, I just wasn't looking forward to them seeing my face and having to explain the bruises, but I'd be damned if I wouldn't do my best to conceal them until they went away.


"Hey girl we're going for some—what the fuck?" Tayla screamed, backing out of the room when she saw my face and calling for Kessa. "Kess... oh god, it's Nikki! Kessa come look at her face!"


Kess came storming into the tiny room, her face thunderous as she took in the nasty bruising that now extended from my chin to my temple on the left side of my face, and covered both my eyes. She turned on Nick, who had jumped up and was holding me close to him, with murder in her eyes.


"Prepare to die, you son of a bitch!" she shrieked and, turning, went running up to the front of the bus, heading for the CB radio... more than likely to summon the posse.


That's just fuckin' wonderful I thought sourly as, and with one last glance back at the man I cared so much about, I went in search of my best friend to try to convince her that I was fine and things weren't as bad as they seemed.


Author's Note #1My Man by Destiny's Child.  I didn't write the song, nor do I claim any rights or anything else for that matter.  It's not mine.  So don't take it the wrong way.


Author's Note #2:  The scene that transpired between Nikki and Nick was solely written by Nicole.  Please ladies, don't bash me, I didn't write any part of it.







I don't know any of the members of «N SYNC, Backstreet Boys or any other celebrities mentioned.  I don't know anything about their sexual orientation or the orientation of any other celebrities in this story (even though I wish some of them were gay).  This story is fiction and you shouldn't take it for anything else but that.  This is for entertainment value only folks.