Date: Wed, 4 Oct 2000 00:13:36 -0700 From: Denzil Cuddy Subject: Love and Longing with Nsync Installment One O.k. here we go. This is my second attempt at a story. I think my first try was fairly successful, but I got tired of writing it, I kind of lost interest in the story line. Oh well, hopefully this won't happen again. So enjoy. As usual I do not know any of the members of NSync, or any other famous people that may find their way into this story line. This is just pure fiction, from my deranged, and bored mind. I hope everyone enjoys it, and does not take it seriously. This is just for fun. Oh, and if it is illegal for you to read this, or you find homosexual themes offensive, please don't read this story. O.k. there enough of that crap, please send feedback to me at D_cuddy@msn.com Thanks. The sun is brilliant. The sky is that flawless color blue, that only comes around in the heat of the summer. There are no clouds in sight, and I feel relaxed. I stare up at the ceiling of heaven through a rather expensive pair of designer sunglasses, as the sun bakes me. The hot air caresses me, and I feel isolated. I feel as if I am a world apart and all of the worries and problems we carry with us through life have finally been shed and left far behind. I can not help but smile. I hear someone yell and then there is a splash. I wonder who got thrown, or pushed into the pool. I don't care enough to raise up and look. I want to go to sleep in the warm and comforting embrace of the sun. I know, however, that if I do I will have sunburn from hell. I close my eyes for just a moment though. I must have been drifting off, as I jerk awake as small drops of cold moisture rain down on my body. I gasp and open my eyes to stare up into the eyes of one of my best friends. "Wake up sleepy head, the burgers are ready!" Justin says as he shakes his head. This causes a new deluge of tiny cold droplets to attack my warm skin. I jump up as he runs toward the small group around the grill. "Come on JC, hurry up, Joey is threatening to kill us all if we don't start eating soon." Chris yells as he holds up his plate. I get up slowly stretching and taking my time. I hear the groans from the guys as I languidly make my way toward them. Lynn starts passing out burgers to the guys. When I finally arrive there are none left. I look in shock at the empty grill and the chagrined expression on Justin's moms face. I sigh as I just pour a glass of diet coke and head toward the table. I sit next to Lance who is, as usual, dry from having not gone into the pool. "Here you go JC, I couldn't help but notice how Joey snuck an extra couple of burgers so I thought I would grab you one while there were some." Lance says as he hands me the plate. I smile as the smell of the grilled burger assails my nostrils. "Man, thanks, you are the best." I say as I take the burger form him. "I know, but it never hurts to be told." He says as he bows his head to say grace over his meal. I notice he has forgotten his drink. I jump up and run to the cooler and pull out a nice cold can of Dr. Pepper his usual drink and run back over to the table. I sit it down beside his plate as he opens his eyes. "There, now I guess we are both great." I say as I take a big bite out of my burger. "Hey, man, thanks. I knew you were great long before that." Lance says as he starts to eat too. We sit in companionable silence as we eat our food. The other three guys are at the table out by the pool laughing and joking. I am glad to be in the cool shade with Lance. He is a very reassuring and calming presence. "Hey guys, Joey, Chris, and I are going to go clubbing tonight, do y'all want to go?" Justin says as he runs over and plops down on the empty bench across form Lance and I. "Nah, Justin, I don't think I want to. I feel like catching a movie and just chilling out at home." I say before I take another bite out of my burger. "O.k. that's cool JC, have fun. What about you Lance, you feel up to a little partying?" Justin asks as he wiggles his eyebrows. "Nah, I'm with JC on this one. Feel like just veging out at home in some old sweats, watching a movie." Lance says. Justin just laughs and goes running back over to the other three. "Hey, Josh, why don't you come over to my place tonight. You can spend the night, we can order pizza watch a movie, it'll be fun. Besides I have that big ole house and it kind of creeps me out to be alone in it. Isn't that just sad." Lance says blushing a little about being scared in his own house. "Sure, I'll come over. I'll be over about six, is that cool. I need to run some errands, and I promised my folks I would give them a call some time during the break. So I'll just run home call them, and grab a change of clothes." I say maybe a little too enthusiastically. To be perfectly honest I was not looking forward to a night by myself either. I just didn't want to go clubbing and be surrounded by a mob of people like Just. and the others. It could be fun hanging with Lance. "Sounds great Josh." Lance says practically beaming. "Well, I think I am going to run. I need to go home and clean a bit before I have company, and I need to run a few errands myself. I'll see ya tonight though." With that Lance stands and walks inside the house. A few moments later I hear his 4runner start up and pull out. I walk over to the pool and stare into the sparkling blue water. I watch the sun dance on the tiny waves and I sigh. Everything looks so perfect and well defined. I feel a little left out to be honest. I'm not as quiet and shy as Lance, but at the same time I do not enjoy the never ending party that the other three seem to live in most of the time. I am just me, trying to make my way through life and be happy. Trying to stay true to myself, despite all the pressure I feel from the outside world, and my friends. The pressure I even feel from myself. Sometimes it is hard to be yourself, when you would just love to fit in for a change. I gasp as someone pushes me into the pool. The cool water immediately assaults my warmth. I rush to the surface, wiping the water from my eyes. Pulling in a long breath. Just as Justin's body collides with the water sending a wave right into my eyes. I laugh as we start to wrestle in the cool water. "Where are Joey and Chris?" I ask as we finally call a truce and just float lazily on our backs. "Oh, they had to go. They are coming back later tonight to pick me up. So, JC, what's up?" Justin looks at me with those sparkling blue eyes and I know that he has seen the distance between me and the group growing. He is observant I will give him that. "Nothing really Justin. Just a little introspective here lately. You know how I get sometimes. It will pass, probably just jittery before the next tour. You know we only have about two weeks before we have to go back on the road. And I am a little lonely." I say as a slight blush creeps onto my face. "Aww, man, how can you be lonely when you have the four of us constantly around?" Justin asks as he laughs his most infectious laugh. I smile in response. "I know what you mean though, I miss Britney a LOT. At least I know that I have someone though. We will find someone for you JC don't worry. Are you sure you just don't want to tell the other guys?" There is a moment of silence as I contemplate this. "Yeah, for now I don't want to tell them. Things are going so well for a change. I don't want to do anything to rock the boat. I will tell them, and probably soon, I just don't want to before the tour and all. Too much going on right now, no need to add to the mayhem." I say as I pull myself out of the water. Justin follows suite and we are soon inside changing clothes. "I understand what you are saying JC, but if you wait for the perfect time you will be waiting forever. Do it when you are ready, but be ready soon. It will be good for you. Trust me." Justin says as he pulls a dry tank top on and walks out of the room. When did he get so wise I ask myself, in the quiet which seems to just follow me around. I chuckle a bit as I pull my socks and shoes on and head for the door. I walk down to the kitchen to find Justin and his mom talking quietly. Justin is so different from his public personae. He is a kind loving generous normal teenager. Thanks mostly to his mom, and I take a little credit for it myself. He and his mom are tight though, they share everything. He is a lot like her. "JC, honey, do you want to stay the night?" Lynn asks as I sit in the barstool beside Justin. "Nah, thanks though. I am going to go over Lance's house and watch a movie. I'll probably just crash there. I just didn't feel like going clubbing with the wild three tonight." I say as Justin smacks my arm for calling him wild in front of his mom. "Well, have fun JC, you too Justin. I've got to run, but we all have to sit down and have one of our old chats soon. Justin, when is Britney coming in?" Lynn says as she slings her purse over her shoulder and heads for the door. "Next Monday mom, it's the 8:30 flight, and yes I will remember to pick her up." Just says a with a little annoyance in his voice. "Don't worry Lynn, I'll help him to remember." I say before Lynn can say anything else. "Thanks JC, love ya Justin, I'll see ya'll later." She smiles as she takes her leave. "I've got to run too Justin. I've got to run by the studio for an hour or so to listen to some songs we may use on our next album. You want to come?" I ask as I pick an apple out of the bowl of fruit on the bar and take a big bite. "Sure, let's go. I can't stay long though have to get back and get ready for tonight. So, umm, what's up with you and Lance?" The question catches me by surprise as we walk out of the house and toward my green jeep wrangler. "What do you mean by that Justin??" I ask when I finally recover my voice. "Well, you two hang together a lot when we are on tour, and now you are starting to hang out at home too. While I know you're gay I'm only speculating about our Lancey poo. So, are you interested?" Justin has a smirk on his face and I can practically see his eyes sparkling through the dark sunglasses. "Well, he is cute, and we wouldn't have a problem with our schedules, but do you really think he is gay?" I am shocked by the question almost as much as Justin is. He had only been joking, but I was serious. "JC, oh my god, I can not believe that you are interested in Lance. That is so cool. Well, why don't you come out to him tonight and see what happens. You said you were waiting for a good time to tell people, well here is the perfect time. That would be so cool." Justin is a bit over eager for me to find someone. Ever since he and Britney hooked up he has wanted me in a relationship as well. I don't know what it is about being in a relationship that warps people. They find happiness and they want everyone else to jump on the bandwagon. Not that I didn't want to be in a relationship, but he was overly eager. He is my best friend, and he wants to share everything, including this. How can you talk about being in love with someone who is single? It is a rather daunting task. "Yoo hoo, JC, are you there?" Justin yells as he snaps his fingers. "Yeah, sorry Justin. I was just thinking. You are right I am going to tell Lance tonight and see what happens. Should prove interesting to say the least. Oh, wow, now I am getting my hopes all up. Man I am going to be crushed when he rejects me." I say laughing but only half joking. "Joshua Scott Chasez, you know he won't reject you. Even if he is not gay he will accept you for who you are and ya'll can be closer friends without this lie between you. It is a good step any way you look at it. Maybe as a bonus you will get a boyfriend out of it, maybe not." Justin is smiling this huge smile. I feel myself smiling in response. I am looking forward to this. We finally pull up to the Jive building, and quickly make our way into the cool calm interior. We walk down the hallways we know so well, I think I have the floor plan of the entire building memorized. We come to a little studio tucked back into one of the far corners, and go in shutting the door behind us. I pull the tape out of a small stack on the counter top, and put it in. Gentle flowing chords fill the room. The notes pull at the heartstrings with such longing it is profound. Even before the song begins I feel myself captivated by the music. I feel the world fill with wonder and joy. Then a pure strong voice fills the room, with moving words and a beautiful story. I know I want to sing this song, I want to make it my own. I look over at Justin and he looks the way that I feel. The song finally ends, and I turn the power off of the control board. "That, that was beautiful." Justin finally manages. "That was awesome, great! We have to do that song, I will let the others hear it later, but it is absolutely on the list. Do you agree Justin?" The enthusiasm I feel for that song is amazing. "Yes, absolutely. It is a great song. Wow, I wish I could write like that." Justin says as he stands and stretches. "You and me both. We will get there some day Justin, just wait. For now we will just have to settle for singing them the way they deserve to be sung. Wow, I don't even want to hear anything else now, let's go. Are you ready?" I ask. I don't want to ruin the beauty of this son by listening to the others. "Yeah, let's go. Can we swing by the store, I feel like spending some money." Justin smiles. We laugh as we make our way out of the studio. We made our way to the mall and managed not to get recognized. That always makes for a good mall trip. We each spent far too much money, and I found a nice outfit for my quasi date tonight. I was really looking forward to it, and only had about thirty minutes to get there. I quickly got Justin to his house. "By man, have a great time. Remember, don't do anything I would do. Have fun." Justin says as he gets out of my jeep. "Yeah, man. You too. I couldn't do anything you would, seeing as how Britney is not going to be there." I laugh a bit as he flips me off through the glass. We are both laughing as I take off out of the drive way and head for Lances house. I get there right at six, and go running up to the door, bag of clothes in hand. I also had a bottle of wine, and a couple of horror movies I picked up at the mall. The door opens and Lance is standing there in a loose light blue t-shirt, and tight black pants. He looks hot. "Hey, JC, right on time. Come on in." With that I walk into the house, and what I hope is a great future. Well, there it is part one, let me know what you think people. I want feedback. I hope to hear from you soon, with good, or bad comments. Let me know. Thanks. DC