Date: Sat, 23 Oct 1999 17:14:18 PDT From: Jason Clarke Subject: Loving Nick - Part 18 This story involves members of the bands Backstreet Boys and N'SYNC. I am in no way implying anything about the sexuality of any of their members. This is purely a fictional story. Enjoy! This is my first attempt at writing a story like this so please bear with me. Please send any comments and/or suggestions to jaclarke@hotmail.com (ICQ #7964029) * * * * * * * * * * * * Loving Nick - Part 18 Nick turned his face away from Lance, feeling ashamed to look at him. He continued to stuff his suitcase with his clothes, his tears dripping onto the bed. Lance walked up to Nick, grabbed him by his shoulders, spun him around and looked him in the eye. "Listen to me, Nickolas Gene Carter, you're not going to get rid of me so easily, okay? I don't care what you say, but I'm going to stick to you like glue. Do you understand?" Nick stared at Lance in surprise, not expecting to hear such a decisive declaration from him. Finally, Nick managed to smile a little. He pulled Lance into a hug and cried on his shoulders. "Don't leave me, Lance. I love you so much." "I will never leave you, Nick. Never," Lance replied with conviction. "But I really think that we need to talk about this whole situation. We want to help you, Nick." "Lance is right," JC continued. "You have to stop keeping everything inside. It's just going to eat away at you." Nick nodded hesitantly. He was afraid to tell the group everything, even though he trusted them as close friends. He was afraid of the pain, the humiliation and the shame of revealing his deepest secrets, yet he realized that the time has come for the truth to be told. Everyone walked to JC's room and sat down quietly. They did not want to push Nick because of his fragile emotional state. Lance sat beside Nick on the floor, ready to support his lover in any way possible. He held Nick's hand and squeezed it gently, letting him know that he was there for him. "I guess I should come clean with you guys about my past. It actually began a long time ago, before I met any of you guys. First of all, I am not Robert Carter's son." Everyone in the room gasped in shock. "What do you mean you're not his son?" Howie asked. "My real father left my mom even before I was born. My mom then met Robert Carter and I don't know all the details, but eventually they got married and I was born shortly after that. For years, I didn't know that Robert Carter wasn't my father. He was really good to me and treated me like his own son and my mom never said anything about the past." "So what happened?" Chris asked curiously. "One day, when I was about 7 or so, I came home from school. My mom wasn't home yet and I thought I was the only one in the house. But then, I heard some noise from upstairs, so I went to where the noise was coming from." ***FLASHBACK BEGINS*** "Uhhh...oh yeah!!! Ahhhh!!!" "Who could that be?" I thought as I walked closer to the door. The door wasn't closed tightly. I tried to peer inside to see what was going on. What I saw would forever haunt me...I saw Robert Carter, my father in bed with another woman!!! As I let out a small cry, he turned around and saw me standing there. "Who the fuck is he?" the woman screamed. "What are you doing here. Get out!!!" Robert Carter walked towards me, dragged me to my room and slammed the door. I sat on the floor crying, not knowing what was happening. ***FLASHBACK ENDS*** "Oh my god, that's horrible!!" Justin whispered. "From that day onwards, everything changed. He began to treat me as an enemy of sorts. When mom wasn't home, he would yell at me and hit me. It started with him spanking me. But as I got older and I grew taller and stronger, he would spank me with a paddle and hit me in the face. And each time, he would make me tell mom that I hurt myself by accident in gym class or something." "Why didn't you tell your mom?" Brian asked, his voice struggling to keep from cracking. "How could I have missed all this?" he thought to himself. "Poor Nick, he's had such a rough life..." "I was scared. He threatened me with all sorts of things. And my mom really did love Robert Carter, and I didn't want to see her get hurt," Nick explained, his hands trembling a bit as he recalled the events. Lance held Nick's hands tightly. He could feel Nick's pain and listening to all this, picturing it in his mind, was tearing Lance apart. "Shortly after that, I joined the Backstreet Boys. It was a relief to me because all the touring meant that I didn't have to see Robert Carter anymore. I missed my mom and brother but I couldn't handle much more of the abuse anymore." "Is that why you were so shy when you first joined the group?" AJ asked, as the pieces began to fall into place. Nick nodded. "After a while, I got used to life as a Backstreet Boy. For a while, I even began to forget about the past. I told myself that I had to look forward and forget about Robert Carter. It worked for a while, until the first summer when we went back home for a break. It was then that I realized that nothing had changed. The abuse began again, only it was worse than before." "And you let him continue?" Brian asked, his voice now trembling. "I had no choice. I was 15 and he had total control over me. Then one day, he told me the truth about him not being my father. I was so confused. I thought my whole world was going to fall apart. From that day onwards, things went from bad to worse. That summer, he went from physical abuse to..." Nick stopped as he began to lose control of his emotions. Lance held Nick tightly, trying to protect him from the pain. "...he began to sexually abuse me. He made me perform oral sex on him all the time. I felt so dirty...like a pathetic whore." "That bastard!!" JC shouted as he slammed his hands against the wall. "What kind of a lunatic would do this??" "After several times, I couldn't take it anymore. I was going insane. Every night I was having nightmares and I couldn't even close my eyes without seeing his menacing face. So I told him that I would not let him abuse me anymore. That time he got really angry. He told me that if I didn't obey him, he would turn his anger on Aaron and do to him what he did to me." "Isn't Aaron his own son???" Justin asked, totally bewildered. Nick nodded. "But he didn't care. He was a crazed man. I was scared. Even though I knew that Aaron was only my step-brother, I loved him like he was my own. I couldn't let Robert Carter do to Aaron what he did to me. So I had no choice but to submit to him once again. And he took out his anger on me. He beat me and used me as his sex toy. He fucked me time and again and he..." Nick stopped...he could not go on. Tears were flowing uncontrollably down his face. "Nick, you don't have to go on if..." AJ was cut off by Nick. "He even rented me out to his friends to use..." By now, even Lance had lost control and he found himself sobbing. "That fucking son of a bitch!!" he yelled. He felt so angry that such a monster could do this to his boyfriend. Yet at the same time, he felt so helpless in trying to ease Nick's pain. "Anyways, we got back on tour and things went back to normal again. As we got more well known and we became busier with our schedule, I began to forget about him again. Even the nightmares stopped after a while. I really thought that I had gotten over him. And then, this was when I met Lance. I couldn't believe how lucky I was to meet him. I thought that things were starting to turn for the better. But then, I had the accident and Robert Carter came to visit me in the hospital." "So that's why you looked so pale that day after he left!" Justin exclaimed, finally understanding Nick's odd behaviour that day. "He came to tell me that he hadn't forgotten about me. He wanted me to give him a blowjob right there in the hospital but luckily Justin and Lance came into the room and he had to stop. Soon after that, I began to have my nightmares again. I was afraid that I would lose control of myself, but even more afraid that I would lose Lance and all of you if you ever found out the truth." "I would never leave you, Nick. Never," Lance said as he looked into Nick's eyes. His love for Nick had grown tremendously over the past hour as he began to understand Nick's courage as well as the pain that he had experienced. "Nick, we would love you no matter what. You have to know that," Brian pleaded. "In my whole pathetic life, only my mom, my brother and you guys truly loved me. You were the only people that I had. But none of you knew about my dirty secrets and I was afraid of losing the only people who ever loved me if they ever found out. So I tried to hide it from all of you...and I'm sorry. I never meant to mislead you guys." "No, don't you dare apologize," Brian stated firmly. "None of this was your fault. We just wished that we could've been there for you." "I guess it's never too late," Nick said as he smiled a bit. "You don't know how much this means to me, to know that despite what has happened, that you guys will still want to be my friends." "Nick, we're going to get you through this and you will put all of this behind you," Darren said, speaking up for the first time. "Darren's right," Justin added. "We'll get through this together." Everyone nodded in agreement. Nick's revelations still shook everyone. No one could've expected this to be happening. Deep down, they didn't know how Nick could have endured years of abuse and more importantly, they were not sure how they could help Nick get back on his feet. As the meeting winded down, everyone headed back to their rooms to absorb the new twist in events. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Nick laid on the bed, feeling emotionally and physically exhausted. Lance finished cleaning up the room and emerged from his quick shower. As he began to gel his hair, Nick asked, "Lance, have you ever regretted becoming my boyfriend?" Lance turned around quickly and stared at Nick. "NO! Of course not!! Where did you get such an idea, Nick?" "I don't know," Nick mumbled. "Sometimes I feel so undeserving, like I am not good enough for you." "Nick Carter, we've gone through this many times, already. Get it through you thick skull...I LOVE YOU!!!" Nick giggled at Lance's reaction. "Alright, alright. So I'm a little slow at these things. Give me a break, okay?" Nick put on his sad puppy face to emphasize his point. "Oh alright. Just this once, Nick," Lance laughed as he admired his cute boyfriend. As Lance continued to fix his hair, he began to laugh softly to himself. "I heard that, Lansten. What's so funny?" Nick asked. "Oh nothing." "You're a horrible liar. Now spill it." "I was just thinking, Nick, you should learn from your own songs." "What song are you talking about?" Nick was curious as to what Lance was alluding to. Lance turned around and faced Nick. He grabbed the chair and began to do a little dance with the chair. "You know, the song that goes...'I don't care, who you are, where you're from, what you did, as long as you love me...'" Nick laughed as Lance tried to imitate his chair routine, without much success. "Okay, okay, I get the point. Just stop that "dance" that you're doing." Before he could react, two pillows came flying at Nick's head. "Don't make me hurt you, Nickolas." Nick got up off the bed and walked towards Lance. He pulled Lance close to him and they engaged in a long, deep, passionate kiss. Nick poured his heart out, letting Lance know how much he loved him. "I love you so much, Lansten. Promise me...don't ever leave me." "I'll never leave you, Nick. I promise. Never." ...to be continued.... Hope you enjoyed this segment. I hope to have the next part out in a week or so. As always, any comments/ideas/questions are welcome. E-mail me at jaclarke@hotmail.com (ICQ #7964029)