Date: Sun, 3 Oct 1999 15:51:01 EDT
From: Lauren2993@aol.com
Subject: Lucky Me

Okay everyone, number four to the rescue.  I tried to make this one faster
since you can't seem to get enough of me...:) The material that follows
came from my head, and so therefore isn't real.  It isn't meant to imply
anything about anyone involved blahblahblah.  As always, if reading
material about homosexuality (and really hot boy band members) bothers you,
then I think you may have taken a wrong turn at Albuquerque.  I'd like to
take a moment and thank Sean, Rob, Matt, Shannon, the other Matt, DLS, and
anyone else that I've forgotten to mention (please don't think it means I
don't love you, for I do, I'm just *so* very forgetful) And so, without
further ado . . .on with the show.

Lucky Me -4-

I ran out of the bathroom and into the first room I came to, which happened
to be Justin's.  I shut and locked the door behind me.  I dabbed at the now
overused tears that found their home on my cheek as I walked over to the
mirror above Justin's dresser.  I looked at my reflection, and nearly
laughed out loud.  I looked like shit.  My eyes were puffy from *way* too
much crying, my hair was all over the place, and it looked like I'd slept
in my clothes which, come to think of it, I had.  I worked on making myself
look a bit more human, and once I'd accomplished that, I looked back to my
counterpart in the mirror.

I studied myself for a moment, looking into my own eyes to see what I was
thinking, because in all honesty, I really didn't know anymore.  What I saw
there, what I felt there, didn't surprise me.  It had been there for a
while now, and I guess I'd always sensed it.  I sighed to myself.  Then, a
thought occurred to me.

I grinned in the mirror and asked, "Do you have any idea who's house you're
standing in?  Are you aware that, as we speak, you are within shouting
range of five of the most talented guys in pop-culture?  Are you?"  I
laughed.  A slow smile spread across my lips as an idea came to me, and
soon I was in the hallway and walking down the stairs.

*****

Lance stood there in the empty bathroom looking to the doorway I had just
run through.  He wasn't even pretending that he knew what was going on with
me anymore.  His mind wandered to the image of me in his car on the way to
the auditorium and how worried he'd been.  He thought of how I'd pulled him
close in the parking lot.  He couldn't figure out why he cared so much.  He
walked out of the bathroom and looked around for me.  He didn't see me, but
when he listened, he heard muffled sobs coming from Justin's room.  He
tried the door, but it was locked.  Just as he was about to call out my
name, Justin tapped him on the shoulder.  Startled, Lance wheeled around to
look his friend in the face.  He exhaled perceptibly.  "Crap Justin, you
scared the bejezzus outta me."

"Wow, sorry Scoop."  Justin shoved his hands in his pockets and became very
interested in his shoes.  "Lance, Chris has called a group meeting
downstairs.  He wanted me to come up and get you."

"Uh, all right Just," Lance said not noticing his friend's display of
insecurity.  Lance glanced back to the door I was hiding behind.  He didn't
really want to leave me there all alone, but he knew I wasn't going to talk
to him, yet.  So he followed his friend downstairs.

When he entered the living room, everything was silent.  Joey sat, hunched
over, with his hands between his knees and his eyes to the floor.  JC was
sitting next to Joey, his elbows on his thighs with his chin resting on his
fists.  Justin walked in and sat on the other couch that occupied the room.
He pulled his legs up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them,
failing to make eye contact with anyone.  Chris was standing in the center
of the room, catty-cornered so he could see everyone at once.  His arms
were crossed over his chest, his feet spread wide apart, looking as if he
could stare a hole through you if he felt so inclined.

Lance walked into the room and noticed how strangely everyone was acting.
They were all acting as though they were afraid of Chris.  Chris!!  He was
one of the easiest people to get along with.  Lance took a seat next to
Justin and looked up to his ominous friend.  He was almost afraid to talk.
He felt like he were in a dentists office, where there isn't a rule against
talking, you just don't.  Still, he wanted to get this over with so he
could go upstairs and see about me.  He cleared his throat and said
quietly, "Chris, what's this all about?"

Chris took a breath and started.  "This meeting is about Luke.  I'm don't
like what having him here can mean for our reputation.  Nevermind the fact
that the media will have a field day if they find out a mysterious man is
staying with us, but he's so unstable.  He disappeared for Christ's sake.
We can't afford something bad happening to us right now, not when we're
just starting to take off."  Chris looked around the room for support from
his friends, but no one responded.

I was walking down the stairs, hearing silence from the living room.  I was
on the third step from the bottom when I heard Chris say,

"I think we should get rid of him."

My feet became cemented to that step.  I couldn't have moved them if I
tried.  My breath caught in my throat for a single instant, and my heart
quickened.  They didn't want me here.  I *was* intruding.  And Lance kept
telling me they'd get used to me, to give it time.  They really *didn't*
want me here.  I think I might have run out of the house right then, if I
could've gotten my feet to move.  As it was, all I could do was tell my
mind to shut up and let me listen to what was going on.

Everyone but Lance shifted their position.  Lance looked at Chris, his eyes
darting back and forth, trying to take control of the thoughts hidden
behind them.  "But he needs us," was the only intelligible phrase Lance's
mind could structure.

Chris stared into him and firmly declared, "We can't afford it."  Joey,
Justin, and JC gave a collective, but inaudible, sigh.

Lance's eyes narrowed as he unknowingly stood to be on the same level as
his friend.  His gaze bore straight through Chris, and he labored to
breathe over his rising anger.  His hands clenched into fists at his side
so hard that his fingernails dug into his flesh.  Blood heated his usually
pale face making his rage more than apparent.  Joey perched on the edge of
his seat awaiting the moment he'd have to spring forward to keep Lance from
ripping Chris apart.

Lance's resentment seethed inside him, and he couldn't contain it any
longer.  "Who gives a fuck if we can afford it?" Lance bellowed.  "Are we
really that conceited?"  Lance pointed to the stairs, and me, behind him.
"He's upstairs right now, RIGHT NOW, crying his eyes out over GOD knows
what, and YOU want to throw him out?  He NEEDS us."  Lance took a breath.
His voice became softer, but the force behind it hadn't dulled.  "What if
the tables were turned, and you needed him.  How would you feel if he
kicked you out because it might *damage* his reputation?  For God's sake,
we're better than that."  He sank down to the couch and took a deep breath.

As I listened from the stairs to Lance's outburst, my mouth hung open in
astonishment.  I had no idea that Lance, who was so innocent, was capable
of the amount of passion that was apparent in his voice.  And that passion
was about me.  It was for me.  I couldn't help smiling to myself and
thinking, `Lance, you're such a sweetheart.'

Chris took a step towards Lance and began his rebuttal, "It's just that
. . ."

"NO!!!"  JC, Justin, and Joey all stood up from their seats with the same
word on their lips.  Lance and Chris looked to their friends, who were
apparently acting as one entity at the moment.  "No, Chris," Joey said.
"We can't do this to him," Justin put in.  JC took a step forward.  "He
needs someone right now, Chris.  And it doesn't matter how famous we are.
We're that someone."

Chris looked around the room at his friends.  Lance was now standing again,
staring at him just as the others were.  Chris began to protest again, but
was quickly silenced by the four pairs of eyes that were staring into him.

I caught my breath, and my feet became mobile once again.  I contemplated
grabbing my suitcase and heading for the hills, never to be seen or heard
from again like in those old black and white cowboy movies, but I quickly
thought better of it.  They did want me here after all.  Well, everyone but
Chris.  I made sure to descend the last three steps very loudly, and to
hustle and bustle around the bottom of the stairs before I set foot in the
living room.

When I did enter, it was all I could do not to laugh.  All five guys had a
look on their face like their mother had just caught them masturbating in
the bathroom.  "Uh, hi," I managed to say without cracking up.

They all smiled nervously.

Joey cleared his throat.  "You feelin' better, Luke?"

"Yeah Joey, I'm good."  I clasped my hands in front of me and smiled.  "All
right everyone, get gussied up.  We're going out to dinner.  My treat."  I
grinned.

No one moved.  "Guys?"  I waved my hand in front of their faces.  "Free
food.  All you have to do is go get ready."  I smiled at them.

They all seemed to snap back to reality at the mention of free food.

"Well, who am I to turn down an offer like that?"  Justin said as he bolted
up the stairs to get the shower first.

JC ran after him yelling, "Hey wait a second, Curly.  You got the shower
first last time.  It's my turn . . ."

Joey came up to me, and patted my shoulder.  I looked up at him as he said,
"I'm gonna go to my place and get cleaned up."  He began to walk towards
the front door, when he turned back to look at me, a smile was on his lips
as he said, "You're a good kid."  He stood there smiling at me a moment,
then went out to his car.

Chris had been leering at me ever since I had entered the room. Without a
word, he brushed past me and went upstairs.  Pretending that I hadn't
noticed, I turned to Lance.  "We gonna go to your house?"

He nodded.  "Yeah, I don't know about you, but I need a shower.  And you
can get your stuff set up in your room."  He smiled.

"Yeah, I'll ride with you.  I don't think I know the way to your house,
yet."

"That's cool."  We went to his car, I put my suitcase in the back, and we
were off.

*****

About an hour later, we were all assembled in the front hall of Justin's
house.  Everyone looked really nice.  It was a chilly evening, and most of
the guys were wearing sweaters, or long-sleeve shirts and jackets.  The
only one who, seemingly, hadn't dressed for the weather was Chris, who had
on a t-shirt.  I wasn't about to point that out to him.  He could freeze
for all I cared.  I had on a light sweater and, because I didn't know what
it would be like after dinner, I had brought along a light, leather jacket.

The restaurant I wanted to go to was pretty close, so we decided to walk
there.  It was a nice brisk evening, the perfect time for a stroll.  Chris
walked a few steps ahead of us all, seeming to distance himself a little.
JC, Justin, and Joey walked shoulder to shoulder, and as I was accustomed
to doing, I fell to the rear.  Before long, Lance fell in step beside me.

"Hi," he said quietly.

"Hi," I replied just as softly.

"Ya know, this is a really nice thing you're doing."

I smiled and looked over to him.  "Well, they have to get to know me right?
They have to warm up to me right?"  He nodded.  "Well, what better way to
make someone warm up to you than to feed them?"  I laughed.  He smiled.

We arrived at the restaurant, and upon seeing who I was with, the maitre d'
gave us an inconspicuous, large, circular booth near the back.  We all slid
in, and I sat next to Lance.  I couldn't help smiling as I thought about
how he'd defended me.

He looked at me.  "What are you smiling about?" he asked.

I snapped back to reality and found the entire table looking at me.  I
smiled nervously, "Just a little star struck, I guess," I lied.  "It'll
take some getting used to, is all."  I cleared my throat and hid behind my
menu, trying to keep my cheeks from burning.  I heard Lance laugh a little,
and as I looked over to him, I found him looking at me.  I was lost in
those beautiful green eyes of his.

"Luke?" I heard Lance say.

"What?" I asked as I tore myself away from those eyes.

"Have you?" he laughed.

"Have I what?"  I had the sneaking suspicion that I'd missed something
while vacationing in his eyes.

"Had the halibut."  He smiled at me.

"Oh, yes I have.  It's great."  My cheeks became redder than before, if
possible, and I glanced across the table to find JC looking at me smiling a
knowing-smile.  I shouted `shut-up' with my eyes as loud as I could, and
tried not to drop dead with embarrassment.

Fortunately for me, the waiter appeared at that moment.  We all gave our
orders, and they came very shortly.  While we were eating, Justin struck up
a conversation.  "So Luke, we haven't really gotten a chance to talk to
you.  Tell us about yourself."

I nearly choked on my steak.  Lance coughed a little, and JC stopped
mid-sip.  This was the question that I had been dreading.  What did I say
to them?  I could give them some lame story, but I'd have to explain my
disappearance right?  What issued forth from my mouth was possibly the
biggest lie I've ever told in my life.

"Well, my name is Luke Robertson.  I'm 19.  I never went to college, and I
don't really know if I'm going to.  I don't have a job anymore, as of
yesterday as a matter of fact.  But I know that's not what you're really
asking about."  I looked around the table and began my tale.  "I've been
friends with this guy named Jason since grade school.  After we graduated
high school, we got an apartment.  We were the best friends in the world.
He was the only friend I ever had.  I was supposed to meet him at y'all's
concert yesterday, and when I got there, he'd left me a note telling me he
was moving, and he didn't want me to go with him.  He said that he'd found
a new roommate, a girl, and that I'd just get in the way.  He kicked me
out.  Well, I guess I overreacted.  I mean, my best friend just said he
that didn't want anything to do with me.  I don't know.  Anyway, I sat
outside crying until Lance here found me.  And the rest is history."  I
took another bite of my steak hoping that was the end of the conversation
but knowing it wasn't.

"So why'd ya run off that way?" Chris asked.

I looked up at him and couldn't help resenting the question.  He didn't
believe me.  I mean yes, technically I was telling a huge lie, but he
didn't know that.  He had absolutely no reason for distrusting me.  I took
a breath and said, "I just needed some time alone.  I thought I'd be back
before Lance got up.  I guess I was wrong."  I forced a smile.  "It won't
happen again.  I promise."

"Just make sure of that," JC saw my forced smile and tried to cheer me up.
I smiled at his attempt.

We finished the meal, and I paid the check despite the protests from my
dining companions.  I picked up my jacket from the back of my chair, and we
headed back to Justin's house.  As we left the restaurant, we realized that
it had gotten a bit chillier than when we'd left the house.  But I didn't
need the jacket I'd brought.  We walked back in the same formation that we
had walked there.  Joey, Justin, and JC forming a trio across the sidewalk,
and me and Lance walking together.  Only this time, Chris was walking in
between the two lines the rest of us were forming.

I could see that Chris was shivering.  His arms were crossed tightly over
his chest, and his shoulders were bent forward.  I debated my next move for
a long time.  He didn't really deserve it, and I didn't particularly want
to, but none of that really mattered. I was going to anyway.

I cleared my throat and said softly, "Uhh Chris?"

He whirled around with a startled yet distant look on his face, as if I had
shaken him out of deep thought.  "Yeah?" he asked, his eyes narrowing a bit
at the sight of me.

I tried to ignore his suspicious gaze.  I held my jacket out to him on the
tip of my index finger.  "Here," I said.

He looked at it strangely for a minute.  I let him gaze at the jacket for a
moment.  I let him think about taking it from me and whether he should or
not.  Then I saw him hang his head, apparently, in defeat.  He took the
jacket from me, slipped it on, and whispered, "Thanks," so softly that I
barely heard him.

 He turned back around and continued walking, only now his feet were
dragging a little more than they had been before.  The trio of Justin, JC,
and Joey had turned around to see what was holding us up, and upon my
looking at them, I saw Joey smiling at me.

We arrived at Justin's house, and JC and Justin went directly upstairs to
bed, as they were extremely tired.  Chris disappeared into the kitchen, and
Joey vanished to the living room.  I turned to Lance and asked, "You ready
to go?"

"Yeah, "he yawned as he stumbled forward from exhaustion.

I lunged forward and caught him before he fell very far, and I laughed a
little.

"What's so funny?" he asked barely conscious.

"You are," I replied.  "Go get into my car.  I'll drive us home."

"But, you don't know how to get there," he protested half-heatedly.

"Yes I do," I replied.  "Now go get in my car.  I'll be there in a second.
I need to get my jacket from Chris.

"All right," he said as he shuffled through the door.

I turned around and almost jumped out of my skin when I saw Chris standing
there.  "Hi," I breathed as I put my hand over my heart to keep it from
beating through my chest.

"Hi," he mumbled towards the floor.  He held out my jacket, for me to take
it.  "Listen Luke, I just wanted to say . . .I mean . . .you see . . .well,
it's like this . . .I . . . ."

I took the jacket and draped it over my arm.  "Apology accepted," I smiled.

His baffled expression nearly made me laugh out loud.  But I continued
smiling as he walked away, mumbling in disbelief, towards the stairs.  I
turned to walk out the door when I heard Joey's voice.  "Luke," he called
me.

I turned around, "Yeah Joey?" He was leaning on the entrance-way to the
living room.  "I saw you on the stairs.  You're a good kid."  He nodded.

I just smiled as I turned and walked out to my car.  When I got there I saw
Lance curled up in the passenger seat, already asleep.  I smiled to myself
as I got in and drove off to his house.

*****

We pulled into Lance's driveway, and Lance was still asleep.  I turned off
the car and went around to Lance's side.  I patted his pocket for his keys,
and once I'd found them, I slid my hand into his pocket and retrieved them
without disturbing him too much.  I took his keys in my right hand, put my
left under his shoulders, the right under his knees, and I lifted him out
of the car, making sure to hold him securely to my chest.  He instinctively
drew closer to me as he hit the chilly night air.  I smiled to myself as I
carried him to the door.

Once I reached the door, I struggled a little to turn the key without
dropping Lance, but eventually I accomplished it.  Once inside, I dropped
his keys on the hall table and took him upstairs.  I carried him through
his open door, pulled the covers away, and lay him on his bed.  I took off
his shoes and socks, deciding that if I did anymore I might embarrass him
in the morning, then I pulled the sheets up to mid-chest level.

I stood there looking at him for a moment.  I ran my hand, almost
unconsciously, along the side of his face, resting it on his chest, and
just thinking to myself.  Once again my mind traveled to how he'd defended
me in the living room.  He really did want me here.  I leaned down and
kissed his forehead, looked at him for another moment, then slowly exited
his room for my own.  That night, I had no nightmares.

To Be Continued . . . .

All right, gang, there it is.  As always I appreciate any and all comments
you have to make.  E-mail me at Lauren2993@aol.com.  I really need some
suggestions.  I haven't the faintest notion of what to do next...:) I love
you all, -Lauren