Author's Notes: Now I said I wouldn't do this for a while...and I haven't since part 9...so...PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, If you're reading, let me know! I know you can't email after each part...but I would like to know how many people are reading.

Okay, thats done....and you won't see it again for another ten chapters or so!

If you don't know what's going on in this story, read the earlier parts!

Once again, PLEASE let me know what you think at kenitra_canada@hotmail.com

Thanks for reading.

Kenitra

(Previously)

I couldn't stop the tears from welling up. My pent up emotions finally burst out. "I hate it!" I said suddenly. Scott didn't say anything and I continued. "I hate that you're leaving tomorrow. I hate that my job keeps us apart. I hate that I have to hide to the world who I am. I hate that I have to hide who I love. I hate that much of society thinks we're sick for loving each other. I hate that I have to watch every little thing I say or do in case someone figures it out." I had to pause for air. If I'd been thinking rationally, I would have thought about what I was saying. But I didn't. The next statement came out before I realized it. "And I hate that finding you has made me hate."

Part 20

As soon as I heard the words aloud, I realized what it sounded like. I looked at my Angel in horror and saw the shocked and hurt expression on his face. I was horrified. "Oh God, Angel, I didn't mean that the way it sounded!" I reached for him but he pulled away. I felt a little piece of me die. What had I done?

Scott silently climbed out of the truck and walked to the door. He stood there, his back to me as he waited. Reluctantly I got out and followed him into the house.

Fate was not being kind to me. Before I could apologize to my Angel, we encountered my parents, my Aunt Ann and Kevin. They were playing cards in the kitchen.

"Hi guys!" Ann greeted us.

I stood silently behind Scott, unable to prevent the tears running down my face. It was only a matter of seconds before the four noticed our appearances. I didn't think I could handle talking to my family yet.

Scott apparently felt the same. "Brian and I need to talk. Is it okay if we use the upstairs study?" he asked, stopping any questions.

I could see my Mom begin to stand up, but Dad stopped her with a hand on her shoulder. "That's fine Scott," he said. "Let us know if you need anything."

Scott nodded and walked out the door to the hall. I didn't look at the four at the table. I stared at the floor and slowly trailed after Scott. I walked up the stairs behind Scott. He went into the study and stood by the door waiting for me to enter. He closed the door and I heard him lock it as I walked past him. I went to stand by the window.

I tried to form an explanation and apology at the same time. "Before I met you Angel, it didn't matter what society thought, what people thought," I said sadly. I spoke as I stared blankly at the window, not knowing if this was the end of my life. I continued. "My job was my life. People could say what they wanted because I was alone; I didn't care." The fear I'd felt about people finding out was insignificant compared to the feeling that was overwhelming me; the feeling that I had lost Scott. I couldn't stop my body from shaking.

Suddenly I felt arms around my waist. I tensed at the unexpected touch. Then my body collapsed against Scott's strength as I realized he was still there; I still had a chance. Scott held me tightly and kissed my neck. I closed my eyes and thanked God.

I still had to explain my feelings to Scott. "Since I found you Angel, I've been forced to take off my rose colored glasses and face reality. Face the reality of our world and the life I lead and the way society views me." I paused. "I DON'T blame you Angel. I'm angry with myself for letting my version of life get so 'perfect' that it's hard to see the reality." Once I started confessing my feelings and fears, I relaxed. It felt better just telling my Angel. I crossed my arms over his as I continued. " I'm afraid," I admitted in a whisper. "Now that I have you in my life I have something to lose more valuable than just my career. Its frightening that someone can have that much meaning in my life. When Nora said she knew I felt that fear suddenly well up. She barely knows either of us, yet she could tell. How can we go on with our lives, retain our privacy if people can figure it out so easily." I sighed deeply and stopped talking.

I didn't know what else to say. I hoped that Scott understood what I was saying. I wasn't really sure what I was trying to tell him, except that I loved him. I was afraid what the future held for us. I waited patiently for Scott to say something. I simply enjoyed the warmth and protection of his arms encircling me. "Brian love, I'm afraid too," Scott admitted. "But being in love, and being with the one you love takes effort and commitment. I know our situation is difficult. I know that we have to be careful to protect not only your image, but also the entire group. But we also have to recognize the line between being careful and losing what we have. If someone in the media really wants to find out about us, I don't think there is anything short of completely breaking up, that we can do. We are fortunate that we have friends and family willing to help and support us. We can't predict what will happen. And we don't know that what does happen doesn't have a reason, have a purpose." He turned me around to face him and ours eyes met.

"Love, all we can do is take precautions, and go on with our lives...together." He stopped talking and waited to see me reaction. I digested everything that he said. Somehow, he had a clearer picture of my life than I did. Maybe because he had been on the outside looking in. He was right though. We could be careful, but we couldn't take it to such an extreme that we lost ourselves. And if at some point, the truth did get out, maybe that was the way it's supposed to be.

After a few moments, I smiled. "God Angel, how did I get so lucky to have you in my life?" I asked softly.

My angel smiled back. "I thought I was the lucky one," he said sweetly. Scott pulled me to him and wrapped his arms around me in a tight hug.

I was so thankful that he had been willing to listen to me and forgive me for such a stupid remark. I never wanted to see the hurt on his face again.

I finally pulled back and stared into his amazing green eyes. "I'd like nothing more than to rip your clothes off right now and show you how much I love you," I whispered, barely able to contain my actions. I knew there was something we had to do first. "But, we should let my parents know everything is okay. Then we can go to the bedroom, and see what happens," I added seductively.

I could see the same restrained passion in Scott's face. "Okay, Love. Let's go back downstairs," he said, grasping my hand firmly in his. I wasn't going to let him go.

We walked hand in hand downstairs. My family was still in the kitchen sitting quietly at the table. They all looked up quickly when we walked in. I could see a frown on my mother's face. None of them wanted to speak, but finally Kevin broke the silence.

"Hey guys. Would either of you like a snack?" Kevin asked us. Scott looked over at me and I smiled and shook my head.

"No, thanks Kev. I think we're okay. Although I think I might have some hot chocolate if there is any," Scott said.

My mom had been staring at us, but when Scott mentioned hot chocolate she got up and walked to the cupboard. She pulled out a tin of cocoa and set it on the counter. Scott smiled at her, but she didn't say anything.

Scott regretfully released my hand as he turned to look at me. " Do you want some hot chocolate too, love?" he asked softly, knowing everyone in the kitchen would hear what we were saying.

I smiled brightly at him and couldn't resist gently stroking his soft cheek. "Sounds good Angel," I replied tenderly.

Scott filled the kettle and put it on the stove to boil. I watched as he pulled two mugs off the shelf and put cocoa in each, then added a little sugar. Kevin walked over to stand beside me.

"So did you two buy everything in the stores?" he asked lightly.

Scott grinned and looked at me. "Nearly," he said. "I have no idea what I'm going to do with everything we bought though."

"Sounds like Brian's shopping habits have rubbed off on you," Kevin commented with a laugh. Scott and I laughed too. It was probably true. I saw Scott glance over at my parents and Aunt. They were still sitting at the kitchen table watching us. I looked at Scott and knew he was feeling uncomfortable about it.

I smiled gently. "I'll go talk to them Angel," I said softly and walked over to my parents. They looked up as I approached. I sat down at the table and waited for them to speak.

I could feel my mother's eyes boring into me, trying to read me and determine what was going on. I sighed. "Okay, I'm waiting for the interrogation," I said, a little sharply.

"Brian!" my Dad said.

I sighed again. "I'm sorry Dad, but the way you guys were staring at us, especially Scott, I was expecting a full out hostile interrogation." I looked at their faces. "I know you all love me and worry about me, and I love all of you for that." I looked directly at my Mom. My voice softened. "But you can't protect me forever. I'm an adult and I have to deal with my own actions and the consequences myself. I said something very stupid and it really hurt Scott," I explained. "But fortunately he let me explain and forgave me."

"I'm sorry Brian," my Mom apologized. I smiled at her just as Scott approached.

He set a mug of hot chocolate down in front of me. I smiled my thanks. When he turned to leave I reached out and grabbed him. I directed him to the chair beside me, knowing this had to be settled.

My Mom took the initiative. "Scott?" She reached across the table and touched his arm, drawing his attention.

"When you're a parent, it can be hard to accept the fact that your children are grown up and can take care of themselves. The desire to protect never really leaves. I'm sorry I was rude," she apologized.

I watched Scott and was relieved when he smiled. "Jackie, its okay. I know how much you love Brian. I love him too," he said and glanced at me. I couldn't help but reach over and take his hand in mine. I smiled at him as he returned his attention to my Mom.

"This relationship is still new to everyone. Brian and I are two different people with different lives. There are going to be problems and arguments. That's normal. But as long as all of you and my family too, love and support us, we will work through anything that comes up. You have no idea how lucky we are to have the support of both families. Many gay couples don't. It means a lot to me, to us."

I was impressed by how well he spoke and was able to convey what I'd been thinking too. Having family support meant so much to me and obviously to Scott too. Mom understood. She smiled and patted Scott's hand. "We can see how much you love Brian, Scott. I promise to try not to butt in to your personal affairs, unless you ask for some help."

"Thanks, Jackie and Harold," Scott said.

I was relieved that the tension between them had been solved. I walked around the table to squat down between my parents. Placing an arm around each of them, I hugged them. "Thanks Mom and Dad. I love you both so much."

I was still feeling guilty about what I'd said, despite the talk Scott and I had had earlier. I needed to talk to him more. I walked back around to where Scott was sitting and held out my hand. Scott took it. "We're going to go upstairs, so goodnight everyone. See y'all in the morning," I announced as I led Scott across the kitchen and to the hall.

We walked along the hall and up the stairs holding hands, but once we got to the bedroom I pulled my hand out of his comforting clasp. I walked across the bedroom to look out the window as I thought about my careless remarks. If he hadn't forgiven me, and listened to my explanation, I don't know what I would have done. I wasn't sure I deserved his forgiveness.

I heard Scott walk across the carpet and stop, standing just behind me. "I'm sorry Angel," I whispered.

Scott didn't move. The room was silent for a moment and I could feel the tears start to run down my face again. Finally he spoke. "I know Love. I forgive you," he said softly and I knew he meant it. "Brian, love, look at me."

I slowly turned around and looked up at my Angel. Scott immediately saw the fresh tears on my face and raised his strong hands, gently wiping the wetness. I couldn't turn away from his gaze. "I love you. I will never stop loving you. I know what you were trying to say, even if it didn't come out right," he said, smiling ruefully. "All I ask is that we put it behind us. It's over with. And promise me that you won't let your feelings buildup like that. We both have to talk about what we're feeling, good or bad, okay?" I listened to him closely and realized he was right.

I was still getting used to having someone to talk to, to vent to, about my feelings. I knew I had to work harder at it. I smiled at him and wrapped my arms around his neck. I kissed the soft skin on his throat as his nearness began to do things to my body. "I have a good feeling right now Angel," I whispered huskily. "Want me to show you where?"

Scott laughed softly as I ran my hands over his body. He suddenly pulled away from me, but only long enough to pick me up and carry me to the bed. Scott stretched out beside me and his warm fingers stroked my cheek. "Okay, Love, show me," he said softly. I was happy to oblige.

"Morning Angel," I whispered. I wiggled forward a little so we could kiss.

"Morning my Love," Scott whispered back. That was all we said; it was all that was needed.

We lay there staring into each other's eyes for a long time; neither of us were sure how long. Unfortunately, nature eventually called. Scott leaned forward and kissed my nose before rolling over and climbing out of bed. I soon followed.

Since Scott's flight was leaving only an hour before Kevin and I, we decided to get packed, showered and dressed. Whatever time remained would be spent together. Scott showered first, so he was already packed and dressed as I finished dressing. He sat on the bed to watch me pack.

I decided it was time to put the beginning of my new plan into action. I stopped packing and looked at Scott. I walked to him and stood between his legs as I grasped his face.

"Scott, Angel, I just realized that I won't be able to be with you for your birthday. It's December seventh, right?"

He nodded. "I know love. You'll be in the middle of touring. That's okay." I knew he meant it, but it wasn't okay with me.

I bent down to kiss him. "But I know how to make up for it! Will you come to Orlando for New Years?" I asked.

Scott started to laugh. That wasn't part of my plan, and I looked at him. "Sorry love. I told Kevin last night that I was going to spend New Years with you, whether you invited me or not," he explained.

I had to laugh at that. I returned to packing. "Why don't you invite Sheri and your friend Drew along too?" I suggested. I wanted to spend New Years with Scott, but I knew how important his own friends and family were to him.

He walked over and wrapped his arms around me. "You mean that love?" he asked as he kissed the back of my neck, making me melt against his solid body.

"Mmm-hmm," was the only answer I could give. My entire body simply relaxed and I closed my eyes to enjoy the sensation. We stood there as our bodies swayed to non-existent music.

I knew it couldn't last. A knock at the door interrupted us. Scott removed his arms from me and went to answer it. I resumed packing. The shopping we had done the day before was making my suitcase almost overflow.

I heard my Dad from the doorway. "Good morning Scott," he said.

"Morning Harold," Scott said. I heard my Dad enter the room and turned to smile at him.

"Morning Dad!"

"I don't want to interrupt you boys, but Jackie wanted me to tell you she's preparing a brunch which will be ready in about twenty minutes," he said.

"Thanks Dad. We'll be along soon," I told him.

Dad nodded and headed for the door. He stopped in front of Scott. "Just wanted to say Scott, you're welcome here anytime," he said and held out his hand. Out of the corner of my eye, I watched as my Dad pulled Scott into a hug. My Dad whispered something before pulling away. Scott smiled at him.

"Promise Sir," he said quietly. Dad smiled and nodded again before leaving the room. I don't know what Dad said, but it made Scott happy.

I quickly finished packing then Scott and I walked downstairs hand in hand. We found my immediate family, including Kevin, Ann, Tim and Jerold, waiting for us. Mom and Ann had prepared a huge breakfast of all sorts of foods.

Everyone filled their plates and sat at the table. The conversation was light, but I could feel the uneasiness in my gut growing as our departure time approached. Way too soon, it was time to leave.

Tim had volunteered to drive the three of us to the airport and was borrowing Dad's explorer. We packed all of our luggage into the truck before saying goodbye. Everyone gathered on the front porch. I went down the line behind Kevin, saying goodbye to my cousins and aunt. Scott followed me, thanking everyone for welcoming him so openly. I felt a twinge of regret that I hadn't spent much time with Tim or Jerald and his family. There never seemed to be enough time.

I smiled as I saw Harold pull Scott into a hug. I reached my Dad and hugged him tightly. He was never one to say much, but I could always read his thoughts. I knew that he liked Scott and that made me incredibly happy. "Thank you Dad, for everything," I whispered. He simply patted my back until I broke the embrace.

Then I reached Mom. She reached out and brushed my cheek with her fingers. " I love you Brian and I always will. I am so happy that you found someone to put the light back in your eyes and that beautiful smile on your face. He's a keeper," she added with a smile.

She always had a way of making me cry, even if they were happy tears. I hugged her tightly and managed to whisper, "Thank you Mom. I love you too." Rapid blinking worked well to keep the tears at bay.

I waited while Scott hugged Mom. "Jackie, thank you for allowing me into your home," he said softly. "And thank you for allowing me to love your son. I don't think you'll ever know how much it means to both of us." I realized Scott was fighting back tears too.

"Scott, despite how I was raised, it is so obvious to me how much you love my son, and how much he loves you," Mom told him with a gentle smile. "How could I not let you into my home and heart? You will always be welcome here as part of our family." I couldn't help but smile at her.

I grabbed Scott's hand as we climbed into the truck and drove to the airport. Scott was leaving about an hour before Kevin and I. I was busy formulating my plan for Scott's birthday in my mind. It was a way to distract myself from the goodbye that was coming.

Kevin had arranged for us to wait in the VIP lounge, for which I was grateful. Scott and I sat side by side just holding hands. I could feel his tension and hurt as he thought we wouldn't see each other for almost five weeks.

Suddenly the PA system blared the boarding call for Scott's flight. I felt Scott tense. Reluctantly he stood up and I stood to face him. I could feel the unshed tears and see that Scott was fighting them back too. He pulled me into a tight hug.

"It's not that long love," he whispered. "You'll be so busy with the tour that the time will fly by. And I will see you just after Christmas, okay?" I nodded against his shoulder almost telling him my surprise. Anything to stop the hurt. But I knew my plan would make up for it.

I reluctantly pulled back and looked into his bright green eyes. I smiled and was rewarded with a smile from Scott. "I know Angel. I will see you soon. I love you," I said softly and gently turned him towards the door.

Scott walked to the doorway and paused, turning to look at me one more time. "Miss you Love," he whispered. I forced myself to smile as I watched him walk out the door.

As soon as the door closed tightly I let out my breath. I wasn't even aware that I was holding it. I slumped down on my seat beside Kevin, putting my head in my hands as I rested my elbows on my knees. Kevin gently rubbed my back.

"You'll see him soon B," Kevin said, trying to make me feel better.

I lifted my head and smiled at my cousin. "Sooner than you think," I said. I stood up and began to pace around the lounge. I ignored Kevin's questions wondering what I was talking about. I tried to come up with a detailed plan that would allow me to at least see Scott on his birthday.

Finally our boarding call came. For once I was actually excited about flying. The flight was short and I had phone calls to make.

As soon as we were airborne I pulled out my phone and started dialing. Kevin looked at me.

"Who ya calling B?" he asked curiously.

I just grinned at him as the operator came on. "Yes I'd like the phone number for Richard Waters, 116 Essex Drive, Port Mitchell, Ontario Canada," I told her.

It only took a few seconds as she punched in the address. "The number is 705-555-5151," she said.

I scribbled the number down. "Thank you." I closed the phone.

"That's Scott's parents isn't it?" Kevin asked.

"Un-huh," I said secretively. He'd know soon enough. I dialed the Waters' number.

"Hello?"

"Hello, Louise? This is Brian Littrell."

"Brian! Is everything okay?" she asked, wondering why I was calling instead of Scott.

"Everything is fine Louise. Scott got on his flight and should be landing in Toronto any time," I told her.

"Oh, thank goodness," she said. "Did you boys have a good time with your family?"

I grinned to myself thinking about how our parents stilled called us boys. "It was great Louise. I'm calling about Scott's birthday actually," I explained. "I need Drew's phone number because I'm planning a surprise for Scott."

"Okay Brian. Hold on a minute and I'll get the number," Louise said.

I glanced at Kevin, finding him grinning at me. "What are you up to?" he asked quietly.

Louise came back on the line before I could answer him. "Here it is Brian," I scribbled the number down as she read it out.

Thank you Louise. Just one more thing?"

"Yes?"

"Don't tell Brian I called okay? I need him to think I'm too busy with the tour. We've made tentative plans to celebrate his birthday at New Years so he isn't expecting anything," I explained.

"No problem Brian," she replied. "I just want to hear all about it sometime, okay?"

"You got it Louise. Thanks!"

"Bye Brian."

"Bye." I closed the phone and leaned back in my seat.

"Uh, Bri?" Kevin spoke from beside me. "You will be too busy to do anything for his birthday," he said quietly.

I turned to look at him with a sly grin. "No I'm not. We have a concert on the sixth and the eighth, but not the seventh," I said.

Kevin just looked at me and shook his head.

I knew Drew was picking Scott up at the airport so I would wait until the evening to call him and start my plan.

The short flight from Kentucky to Florida soon ended and Kevin and I were on our way back to our apartment. During the upcoming four weeks we would work our way north, along the east coast before moving inland and working south again. Concert dates were crammed together so we finished December 23rd, in time for Christmas. We had the two concerts at the end of December in Orlando. The new year would see us jumping all over North America with promotional interviews before Millennium was released the third week of January.

Once back at the apartment, I dumped all my dirty clothes on the floor. A few of my favorite items I would wash to take on the tour, the rest could wait till we came back. Corporate sponsors would provide most of our clothes for the tour.

I sat and talked with Howie, while Kevin checked in with management to make sure everything was on schedule and our plans hadn't changed.

I was itching to call Drew, but managed to wait until seven before picking up the phone and calling.

"Hello!"

"Hi. Would Drew be there?" I asked. I couldn't remember if Scott said he lived alone or not.

"This is Drew," he replied.

"Drew, this is Brian Littrell...Scott's Brian," I said. I loved the sound of that. There was silence on the other end for a moment and I wondered if he thought it was a prank.

"Ya know," he said slowly, "If I didn't have call displaying, telling me this phone call was coming from a Florida number, I probably would hang up. So Brian Littrell, is Scott with you?" he asked.

I just about dropped the phone. "What do you mean, is he with me? You were supposed to pick him up at the airport! Wasn't he there? He got on the plane...." I was beginning to panic.

"Hold on! Hold on!" Drew spoke loudly into the phone, grabbing my attention. "Sorry bout that Brian, but I just wanted to make sure it was really you; didn't mean to scare you. Yes, I picked Scott up at the airport. All he could talk about was you," Drew said.

I had to smile at that. God I already missed him and it had only been a few hours. "Really? Please don't scare me like that again."

"Promise. So what can I do for you?" Drew asked curiously.

"Well, Scott's birthday is next week."

"Yeah, he mentioned that you were going to celebrate it at New Years," Drew said.

"That's what I told him, but I have another plan. Only I need some help; I need your help Drew," I said.

P.S. Sorry that this isn't my usual quality of work...I had a little brain freeze this week. Hopefully I'll be back to myself for next week.