NEW Love and Pleasure
Posted Feb 27/02
NEW Remember When
Posted Feb 27/02
(Ended Oct 17/01)
Admitting the Truth
(Posted July 12/01)
(Posted May 29/01)
(Ended Jan 28/01)
Only one more chapter to go! Thank you to everyone, new and old, for all of the emails in the last couple of weeks!
For those interested, the two new stories I'm working on are called Lance and Martin, and Freedom to Love. Not sure when they'll be ready for post. But watch for them in the coming weeks.
I hope everyone who has been reading Millennium Love will send me at least one more email before its over. I'd really like to know who has read and liked, or even disliked the story.
Thank you to all of the 100 plus people who have written during the last two years. Please keep writing! It always makes my day and encourages me to write when I find email in my inbox!
A Don't know them, never met them, never will!
B Under age...don't tell me. I don't want either of us to get in trouble!
If you have any comments about this story, please email me at email@example.com
As always, thank you for reading!
(Posted Oct 31/00)
(Ended Feb 6/00)
(Posted May 8/00)
Set You Free
(Ended Apr 11/00)
Ten Guys, One Night
(Posted Apr 7/00)
(under College section)
(Posted Dec 16/00)
PreviouslyWe stood in the doorway and took one last look around the cabin. So much had happened every time we'd been there that it held a special place in our hearts.
"We'll be back soon," I said softly, talking to Scott and the cabin. We walked outside and I closed the door, putting the padlock in place. The ATV and trailer were loaded with everything we could fit. The small fridge would have to be picked up by my Dad later.
We both put our helmets on and mounted the ATV. Scott wrapped his arms around my waist.
"I'll never forget these last few days," he said softly.
I patted his hand. "Me neither."
I started the engine and soon we were heading back to the house and reality.
I was reading the newspaper, trying to remain calm while Scott paced around the study, impatiently waiting for Oprah Winfrey and her crew. I looked up when I felt Scott's eyes on me. I smiled and Scott relaxed.
"Come here Angel," I said softly, holding out my hand to him. I couldn't help but notice the ring on his ring finger and my heart swelled with love. I took my husband's hand and pulled him down to sit beside me. "Scott, you need to calm down. Oprah will love you." I kissed him softly on the cheek, then started to nibble up to his ear. "Everything will be perfect, I promise," I whispered. I turned and pushed Scott down on the couch deciding to distract him. Before I could move to straddle him, we both heard a vehicle pull into the driveway.
We looked at each other and laughed. That was the second time we'd tried to make out on the study's couch, only to be interrupted. I guess that wasn't meant to be. I stood up and pulled Scott to his feet. I brushed his hair with my fingers and straightened his shirt. He did the same for me, then we clasped hands and went downstairs.
Mom was the only other person at the house. She'd offered to stay and help with serving coffee and a late lunch and Scott and I had gratefully accepted. She had just opened the door when Scott and I reached the front entrance. We followed her outside to see a regular, unmarked Expedition in the driveway. It parked and the doors opened.
We watched as Oprah, another woman and a man stepped out of the vehicle. I tugged Scott forward and we went to greet the television star.
Oprah smiled as she saw Scott and I. "Brian! It's so good to see you again," she said sincerely as she pulled me into a quick hug. Oprah released me and looked at Scott. She held out her hand. "You must be Scott."
Scott nodded and shook her hand. "Scott Waters. Nice to meet you Oprah," he said, not sounding nervous at all, although I knew he was.
She smiled and Scott relaxed a little. The two people she'd brought with her walked over to join us, and Oprah introduced them. "This is Marianne Michaels and Dan Sinclair. Marianne, Dan, may I introduce Brian Littrell and Scott Waters." We all shook hands.
"I thought what we could do is let Dan and Marianne get set up in the room you want to use, while the three of us chat a little more about what you expect and what I'd like to ask. How does that sound?" Oprah asked.
We all agreed and walked back to the house. I introduced my mom to everyone before leading the camera operators up to the small study/office. We'd decided on that room because it was cozy and we had history in it. Once the two camera operators said the room would work, we left them to set up and walked with Oprah down to the living room.
We discovered that Mom had set the table in the sunroom with cheese and crackers, finger sandwiches, coffee and tea. Scott graciously fixed coffee for both Oprah and I before pouring some tea for himself. Then he walked over to sit beside me.
Oprah took a drink then set her cup on the table. "I see you have matching rings," she commented. "May I see?" she asked. I leaned forward and held out my hand so she could see the design. "Very unique. So when did this happen?" she asked.
Scott glanced at me and blushed. I just grinned. "That is a recent development actually. We just had a commitment ceremony Christmas Eve," I replied.
She smiled broadly. "That's wonderful! Was it a surprise for you Scott?" She asked.
Scott and I both laughed. "In a way." He glanced at me. "I secretly planned to have a commitment ceremony here on Christmas Eve. Turns out Brian secretly planned to have a ceremony here Christmas Eve. Every one of our friends and both families knew about both plans, except us. But it was incredible," he enthused. I was pleased to see he was relaxing more.
"You both look very happy," Oprah commented. She sat back and looked at us. "I thought I'd just go through some of the questions I thought I'd ask. If there is anything you absolutely don't want to answer, let me know. Or if there is something you'd like to get out, tell me. Okay?"
Scott and I nodded. "I don't think we want this to look too preplanned, Oprah. So if there are questions we're not comfortable with, we'll just say so. But you don't need to avoid anything. Honestly I don't think there is much we won't answer," Scott added.
"Good. So I guess I'll start with the usual things like where and how you met, when you started dating. Then I'll move on to why you chose to do the interview, and why you want to come out now. Is it okay if I ask questions about your family?" she asked.
I was really pleased that Oprah was serious about the interview. She was being very considerate of us and I appreciated it.
"Yes, both of our families know and support us so that isn't a problem," I answered.
"Okay." Oprah took another drink of her coffee. "I think the more unscripted it is, the better. You both are comfortable with each other, and this decision, and I think it's important to get that across. So why don't we go up to the study and just start talking? I'll get the cameras rolling. If we need to take a break, we can because we'll just edit the tape together."
Scott and I glanced at each other then nodded. "Sounds good."
We all stood and started for the stairs. Part way up, Oprah paused. "One more thing, do you want to start the interview together, or with just Brian? I can ask you a few questions Brian then you can introduce Scott?"
That was something we hadn't really thought about. I stopped and turned to look down at Scott who was a couple of steps behind me. Then I looked at Oprah. "Could you just give us a minute?" I asked.
She nodded and continued up the stairs. I moved down one step so we were eye to eye. "What do you think Angel?" I asked softly.
We were in this together and I wanted Scott with me the entire time. So I would do whatever he wanted, regardless of the interview. He was quiet for a moment then leaned forward and gently kissed me. "As much as I hate it, it will probably work better to start with just you," he said quietly.
I made a face. "I know you're right, but I don't like it." I turned and started up the stairs, pulling Scott with me. "But as long as you're in the room, I'll survive."
We walked into the study hand in hand. The two cameras were set up to record Scott and I on the couch, and Oprah in the chair facing us. The tape would be edited together later.
"Oprah? We decided to let Brian go first," Scott said.
"Okay. Why don't you sit over by the door Scott? You will be able to see everything going on but won't be in the picture until I ask you to come over and join Brian." Oprah suggested.
Scott nodded and took his seat. I sat down on the couch and Oprah in the chair. The man and woman working the cameras turned on the lights. Everything was ready to go.
"When you're ready, Oprah," Dan said.
Oprah nodded then looked at the camera. "I have an unexpected celebrity interview today, that may surprise, and unfortunately shock some of the American public and in fact people around the world. Sitting opposite me is Brian Littrell. Teenage girls and parents of girls under the age of twenty, maybe older, will recognize the name. Brian is one of a group of five singers known around the world as the Backstreet Boys. Welcome Brian," Oprah said.
I pasted on my 'public' smile and leaned forward to shake Oprah's hand. I wasn't nervous about the camera, but even without looking I could tell Scott was very nervous. I hoped Oprah didn't make him wait too long.
"Thank you Oprah," I said.
"I'm sure many people are wondering why we are doing this interview, and where the rest of your band mates are."
"Well, while what happens here will impact the entire Backstreet family, the interview is about me and my life."
Oprah nodded. "It is about your life and about your chosen life partner. Would you like to introduce this special person to the rest of the world?"
I was glad she wasn't going to waste time. I looked over at Scott and gave him the one smile I reserved strictly for him. I knew he couldn't resist it. I looked back at the camera. "I'd love to Oprah. The best thing to ever happen to me, and the love of my life, Scott Waters," I said proudly.
Scott stood up and walked over to the couch. I had my hand stretched out and Scott gratefully took it. I was surprised but pleased when he leaned down and gave me a chaste kiss on the lips before he sat.
I looked over at Oprah and she was smiling, pleased with Scott's actions.
"Welcome Scott," Oprah greeted Scott.
Scott smiled. "Thank you Oprah for doing this interview." He was holding tightly to my hand, but I didn't mind.
"I'm sure most people watching are absolutely stunned by what you have just revealed Brian, your homosexuality. You have been a predominant part of American pop culture for a number of years, so the first question that comes to mind is, why now?"
I glanced at Scott then down at our clasped hands. "I guess now because I finally realized that stardom is fleeting, but love can be for a lifetime. If people can accept this part of me, a part that has always been with me whether people knew it or not, then I will continue working in the music industry for as long as I can. But if my career ends tomorrow, I will survive, because the most important part of my life, is the man sitting beside me. I'd rather not sing ever again, than risk losing Scott!" I spoke directly from my heart and I knew Scott was moved. He turned his head and kissed my cheek.
"Well said Brian," Oprah commented. "Now, I'm going to backtrack a little. I'm not going to ask 'how long have you been gay', since I truly believe a person is born 'gay or straight'. So my question for you Brian is when did you admit that you were gay, and whom did you tell?"
I recounted the story about how I had been ill, and returned to my family home. How I finally told my Mom that I was gay. And how she had reacted.
"I was and still am very lucky to have such a wonderfully understanding and supportive family," I said seriously.
I went on to talk about telling the other guys in the group, and how they reacted.
Then Oprah moved on to our relationship. "So Scott, how did you and Brian meet?"
Scott grinned and I flashed back to that strange first meeting. "I was working in Toronto, Canada and was on my way home. I saw a man being chased by a horde of teenage girls. When he hid beside my car, I opened the door and offered him an escape. It took me a few minutes to realize who I had picked up."
Oprah smiled. "But you did recognize Brian eventually?"
Scott laughed. "Of course! Just like straight girls know famous cute guys, or guys know famous cute girls, I wasn't blind to the sex appeal of the Backstreet Boys or any other pop boy band, regardless of their sexual orientation."
"So can you recount the story of how you two got together? Was it love at first sight?" Oprah asked.
"It was almost for me," I admitted. "He knew who I was, but didn't get all weird about it. I was grateful for that. Then I figured out he was gay. I'm only human and lets face it, my man is gorgeous!" Mission accomplished! Without looking I could feel the heat of the blush that coursed through Scott.
I grinned at him and continued. "I invited him to join me for dinner with the rest of the guys, to thank him for the ride." I shrugged. "We talked, I finally kissed him, and then we talked some more." There was no point, and it was no ones business what else went on that night. "He was smart and funny and sexy. I realized that I really wanted to know Scott and keep him in my life. He was the first man I really wanted to get to know completely."
"What about you Scott?"
Scott glanced at me. "As we talked I realized that Brian was just a man. He wanted the same things every one else does, love, family, a home and commitment. I'd only had one serious boyfriend before, but I realized that Brian wanted the very same things from life that I did. I wanted to know him too."
"So it was happily ever after?" Oprah prodded gently.
Scott shook his head. "Not at all. Real life doesn't work that way. That first weekend, it was the Canadian Thanksgiving. I ended up taking Brian to meet my entire family. It wasn't planned, but I had actually forgotten the holiday. My family loved Brian. Before he and the guys had to fly out the next day, he asked me to come down here for the American Thanksgiving the following month. I agreed."
I took over. "We spent those seven weeks apart, talking through email, and on the phone. We really got to know each other better. It was like a long-running game of twenty questions. I had told my family about Scott and when they met him, they loved him. A week later, I surprised Scott for his birthday, then Scott, his sister and another friend came to Orlando for New Years."
Scott's turn again. "At Thanksgiving, I started talking with Kevin."
Oprah interrupted him. "That would be Kevin Richardson, Brian's cousin and the oldest member of the Backstreet Boys?"
Scott nodded. "Yeah, sorry. Kevin and I talked, and we continued to correspond during the rest of that month. I suggested creating individual web sites for each member of the group in addition to the main group site. I create web sites for a living. Kevin liked the idea and took it to management. At New Years we talked with all the guys and before I knew it, I was hired. And yes, I had to show a portfolio of my work to management! It was a real job and not just a ploy to be with Brian," he said with a grin.
Oprah smiled back. "We'll take a short break and be right back," she said.
A few seconds later the camerawoman said, "We're clear."
Oprah nodded. "Thanks." She looked over at us. "You guys are doing great. I know you were nervous Scott, but you're looking very comfortable and relaxed." He smiled his thanks. "I thought we'd break because I sense that there could be some landmines coming and I want to make sure I don't set anything off."
I sighed knowing it was coming, but wishing we didn't have to talk about it. Scott put his arm around my shoulders and held me against him. "We did have some problems. Mainly, Brian was afraid of the public finding out about us, and we also had a problem with one of the Backstreet dancers. He wanted Brian."
"I don't know if you saw the press conference we did in Paris? They made comments about one of us being gay. It really threw me and I started to distance myself from Scott. Then when we got back to the States..." I started to tense as I thought about the accident that nearly killed Scott. I wasn't sure I could talk about it.
"Brian," Scott said softly and I stopped talking. He looked at Oprah. "If we're going to talk about that, we should wait and do it on camera, because I think we'll need a longer break afterwards."
There was a quiet knock at the door and Mom walked in with a tray. "I thought you were taking a break. I brought some drinks if anyone is interested."
Scott walked over to the tray and got a glass of water for he and I. "Thanks Jackie," he said quietly. She smiled. Oprah and her crew all took drinks as well. After a couple of minutes, Jackie left and we returned to our positions.
The cameraman nodded and we were back taping. "So you joined the tour in Europe Scott? How was that?" she asked.
"It was quite a learning experience. I'd heard that tour schedules can be horrible, but I really had no idea how hectic and exhausting they can be. The guys were all incredible. It was great because I was able to spend time with Brian, but I also was able to get to know each of the guys better. They have become some of my best friends," he said truthfully.
"So were there any problems?"
Scott started to speak, but I put my hand on his thigh. It was my story to tell. "Yes we had problems. Any relationship will have its ups and downs. And our relationship was anything but normal. There was my public status to deal with. I'd never had a real relationship before, especially with a man. Scott had never been involved with someone so famous. So not only did we have normal relationship problems to deal with, we had the crazy tour schedule, riding on a bus with four other men, and trying to keep our relationship secret. It wasn't easy, and I admit I didn't handle things well," I said softly.
Scott squeezed my hand. "Neither of us did, Love," he murmured.
"What happened?" Oprah asked gently.
Scott smiled sadly remembering how things started. "It started over a stupid bet. We'd had some time off. When the group was back together, Nick bet he could beat Brian in a game of 21. He had never managed to beat Brian before so no one took it seriously. But this time he did win. As the loser, Brian was supposed to go up the Eiffel tower. For those who don't know, Brian has a fear of heights. So the rest of us promised to stick beside him all the way up." Scott looked at me and smiled proudly. "And he did make it right to the top. But some reporter had seen Brian and AJ holding hands. In fact, at one point or another, each of us and sometimes two of us were holding his hands. Anyway, at the press conference, the reporter asked Brian if he was seeing AJ. The guys brushed it off, but it scared Brian."
I took over again. "I started to distance myself. I wouldn't go out with the guys and Scott. I was paranoid. I knew I was hurting Scott, but I was still so afraid of having everything fall apart. I didn't know what to do," I said sadly.
"Things went along like that for quite a while. When the tour came back to the States, I decided to go home for a visit and a break. I didn't know what to do to help Brian or myself, but I knew things needed to change." I was tensing, knowing what was coming. Scott could sense my tension and put his arm around my shoulders.
"We were in Detroit that night. I had been having problems with one of our male dancers for quite a while. Usually I could just ignore him. But this night, he came to my room, drunk, and tried to force himself on me. He grabbed me when I opened the door, and kissed me." I took a deep, shaky breath. "What I didn't realize was that Scott had decided to drive down from Toronto and surprise me. He saw me kissing another man and ran, heartbroken." My voice was shaking and my body trembling. Scott held me tighter. "Scott drove away in tears and had an accident on some train tracks. He was nearly killed." Tears were streaming down both our faces. The memory of that night would always haunt me. I was grateful Scott couldn't remember all the details. "He was in a coma for a couple of weeks and his family didn't want me to see him." I stopped and wiped the tears away. "I couldn't blame them. Even though I was innocent, I felt guilty. When Scott finally woke up, he called me. Thankfully we were able to talk and work things out."
"How long ago was this Brian?" Oprah asked softly.
"The accident happened at the end of August. Scott had to go through some rehab to get his strength back and let his broken leg heal. Finally he rejoined the tour. But unfortunately, I wasn't willing to recognize the problems we had been having."
Scott spoke up and defended me. "Both of us were making mistakes in the relationship. I finally reached the point that despite my overwhelming love for Brian, I couldn't remain on the tour. I was becoming paranoid too. I was afraid to say anything out in public, in case the person standing beside me was a reporter. I didn't know what I wanted changed, but I felt like I was losing myself. So it was only a few days after rejoining the tour that I left, for what I feared would be forever."
Oprah looked shocked. "Wow! That must have been a difficult decision for you to make Scott. And I imagine even harder for you to accept Brian. How did you resolve things?"
"It took some deep soul searching for me to figure out what I wanted," I said. "I just want to say that it was NOT Scott's idea for me to go public. That wasn't what he was asking from me. He wanted acknowledgement in my life, in some form. And I hadn't been giving him that. I'd been hiding him, not even allowing him the role of friend in public. That's what had to change. After talking to my parents, and Kevin, Nick, AJ and Howie, I realized that the best choice was to acknowledge my relationship in public." I looked at Scott and smiled. "It took me a while to convince the man I was serious though. But finally Scott agreed to come to Orlando for our concert at the beginning of this month. We were able to really talk about everything, and agree to a plan of action."
Scott grinned. "I realized that my life was pretty empty and sad without Brian. I had never stopped loving him and hoping that somehow we could be together. At first I was worried I was forcing him to go public. But he convinced me that it was his choice. And I stand by his decision completely."
"It sounds like it's been a rough road for you both. But obviously worth it, by looking at the matching rings you are wearing," Oprah commented.
Scott and I looked at each other and smiled. For a moment I completely forgot there was a camera and three other people in the room. All I could see was my love for Scott, reflected back at me. I felt like I was Scott's whole world. That was and is an incredibly heady feeling.
I broke our gaze first and turned back to Oprah. "Definitely worth it! We had a commitment ceremony on Christmas Eve. As it turned out, both Scott and I had the same idea and planned a surprise ceremony, unbeknown to the other. But all of our friends and both families were here. It was incredible, inspiring," I laughed softly. "I could just keep going if you let me. Its something I will never forget."
"I second that. It was wonderful," Scott added.
Oprah smiled at us, then looked at the camera again. "We'll take a short break and be back shortly with Brian and Scott."
Once we were cleared, Scott and I both slumped against the couch. Scott turned in his seat to look at me. "You okay Bri?" he asked softly as he stroked my cheek. My eyes felt irritated, but at least I hadn't completely broken down and cried which was what I had feared.
I smiled and leaned forward to softly kiss him. "I'm fine Scott. As long as you are with me, I'll always be okay."
We walked down the hall to the bathroom and splashed some cool water on our faces. Scott stopped me as I started to leave and pulled me into a hug.
"You're my hero, you know," he whispered.
I giggled softly, and he grinned, pleased that he'd got me to smile. "Just promise you're not going to break into inspirational song, okay?" I pleaded.
Scott laughed and promised. We walked back to the study and returned to the couch. Oprah smiled at us.
"You two look a little better," she observed. We just smiled. The camerawoman gave Oprah her cue and the tape was rolling again.
"So as far as you two, and your family and friends are concerned, you are married. What are your plans for the future?" she asked.
"Well for the immediate future, we're just moving into a new home, and working on fixing it up. Backstreet is taking the next month off, so that will give Brian and I time to settle in and spend some quality time together," Scott said.
Oprah nodded. "This month off? Was it scheduled because of your announcement?"
I shook my head. "No, we scheduled it a few months ago actually. All of us have found this most recent tour, while exciting in most ways, also very exhausting. We've been going non-stop since the beginning of the year, and all of us wanted some time at home. For Scott and I it just happened to be perfect timing."
"And what about more long term plans?" Oprah asked.
Scott and I looked at each other, then I shrugged. "Honestly, we're not sure. I guess a lot will depend on how the fans react to this interview. I know we're hoping that fans will still like our music and us and want us to continue to perform and make new CDs. If that's the case, Backstreet will continue for a few more years. However, we all have other interests, some in music, some not. So if the fan and public reaction is too negative, Backstreet will end. Its been a wonderful ride, but I will have no regrets if that is the decision we're forced to make," I said seriously. "I love music, I always have. I've been singing since I was a little boy. And for a long time, music was my life." I glanced at Scott. "But now I've realized that music isn't my life. Scott is."
Oprah was beaming at us. "Well, you are both intelligent, eloquent and handsome men. And I wish you every happiness in your future together."
We remained sitting until the cameraman told us we were clear. Oprah stood and stepped over to us. We rose to meet her. "From what I've seen of you both, I think the two of you will be very happy for many years to come, regardless of what the future holds career wise. And I wish you both the best," she said sincerely. Scott and I both thanked her and offered the three people lunch, which they accepted.
As we were eating the wonderful meal Mom had prepared, Oprah made a suggestion. "I'd like to get some more casual clips of the two of you, if that's okay?" Scott and I nodded. "I was thinking you could give me a tour of the farm, and Dan and Marianne could tape us simply walking around, looking at things. They will be edited in with voice-overs from some of the things you said in the study."
We spent over an hour showing Oprah around while the two cameras taped us. I was glad we'd chosen the farm for the interview. We'd always been allowed to be ourselves there, so found it natural to hold hands or put arms around each other, something that was caught on the tape, and hopefully showed the true nature of our relationship.
When we finally returned to the front yard, we were all laughing and joking. I'd discovered that Oprah had a wicked sense of humor when she let it go. There were hugs all around before Marianne and Dan started to load up their truck.
"I hope you two will keep me informed of how things are going," Oprah commented. "And if you ever feel like doing another interview, at the studio, just give me a call. I'd be more than happy to put you on my show. Although it may not be what you're wanting, I think you both, as a couple, can help show the world, that love is truly all that matters, regardless of the package its in."
"Thank you Oprah, for everything. It really was an honor and privilege meeting you," Scott said sincerely.
I looked at Scott and Oprah. "Well what can I say to top that?" I asked with a smile, making them smile too. "Thank you for being so open minded and considerate of us. I feel really good about the interview and hopefully it will be received positively."
We walked Oprah to the truck and waited as she climbed in the passenger side. "I'll courier the final version in a couple of days, okay?" She smiled as the truck backed out. "Take care boys," she said as they pulled away. Scott and I stood and watched until the truck was hidden by the hill on the driveway.
I turned to Scott and held out my hand. Together we walked back into the house. Mom was waiting for us.
"So how did things go?" she asked anxiously.
We smiled. "I think it went really well," I said.
Scott nodded. "I think so too. She asked good questions, and let us explain things."
Mom smiled. "Good. I'm glad. Do you two have everything packed yet?" she asked. We were scheduled to fly out later that evening. I nodded to answer Mom's question. "Okay. So go enjoy the rest of the afternoon! I'll call you when its time to go to the airport," she said with a smile.
Scott and I walked upstairs to our bedroom. We were both excited about moving into the condo and getting it fixed up, so we lay on the bed and talked about it until we left.
Our flight was at eight and we were back in the apartment in Orlando by ten thirty. The next day was going to be busy so we both simply stripped and fell into bed.
To be continued...
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