Date: Sat, 01 Sep 2001 15:26:58 +0100 From: PJ Subject: My Angel 1 Hi everyone!! Well this is my first story for the nifty archives. I've been a reader for a few months now and I thought I might as well try my hand at writing! First I want to say a really big thank you to Jim, author of Jamie's' Romance and its spin off Lances Story, for all his help and inspiration. He has also been my editor and has helped Americanise the errors in the story. (Just in case you're wondering I'm British) Thanks Jim!!! Disclaimer: This story is purely fiction and is not intended to imply anything about the true sexuality of O-Town or anyone associated with their organization. It is meant for those over the age of 18 only and those who wish to read stories with homosexual content. Enjoy! My Angel By PJ Ashley Parker Angel broke out of his trance of staring at the wall to find his fellow band mate, Trevor, standing next to him. "Hey, Ashley?" "What? Sorry," Ashley responded, breaking out of the stare. "Hey, Ash, you ok? You've been like this all week," Trevor asked. Ashley looked at his friend and saw genuine concern in his eyes. He smiled at the care he saw there. "Yeah, I'm fine. I'm tired is all, too much dance practice." Trevor chuckled, "Tell me about it. Anyways, we're all goin to the movies, wanna come with?" "Nah, not today, but thanks though," Ashley replied. "S'ok, well, we're gonna go in a little bit so I guess I'll se you later." Trevor looked again at Ashley who had once again drifted into a staring contest with the wall. "You sure you're ok?" "I'm fine, really. Go, you're gonna miss the movie if you don't go soon." "Well, if you say so. I'll bring you back some popcorn." Ashley smiled again and bid Trevor goodbye. 'Finally some peace' Ashley thought. He heard four voices shout from the door "Bye Ash!" "See you later guys" Ashley shouted back. Then he waited for a few seconds and the door slammed, signalling the departure of the group. 'Good now, now I'm all on my own' he thought. He got up from his bed and humming the tune to 'On My Own' from Les Mis, went about his chores. First he tackled a huge-ass pile of dirty laundry cluttering up his room. He threw it in the laundry basket then tidied his room. After about five minutes he gave up. "Hell, I'm 20 for God sakes! I shouldn't have a clean room, it's against the rules," he said aloud to himself. All that he was going through was still playing on his mind Over and over it kept repeating in his thoughts. "Dammit, just go away!" he screamed at the top of his lungs. It echoed through the empty house. He sat again on his bed, slumped against the headboard. Clutching a pillow, tears threatened to spill over and he fought them back. Again, his defences crumbled, his angelic face became stained with tears. They dropped all over his pillow as he cried his heart out. "Its too hard," he sobbed into his pillow. He stayed that way for a long time and finally, when he was feeling better, slowly started to sing to himself. "On my own, pretending he's beside me. All alone I wait for him till morning" Suddenly he stopped when he realised he didn't know the rest of the song except a few parts. "I love him but when the night is over, He's gone, the river's just a river, Without him the world around me changes The world is full of happiness that I have never known I love him, I love him but always on my own" He poured all the pain into his music, as he always did when he felt like this. He used to be able to make it go away, he was so good at hiding it from everyone, including himself. 'I don't think I can do this anymore,' he thought. 'There's only one solution left.' He knew what needed to be done. 'The pain will finally be gone and then I can be happy. I'll go to hell, but at least I won't be alone.' So, he pondered how to do it, how to take his own life. It was drastic, but he couldn't see any other way out. He knew the other guys would never accept him if he told them and he knew it could hurt his career and the careers of the other guys. He sat in thought going through the options. He thought it was kinda morbid but he knew it needed to be done. He decided to take a nice long bath and slowly fade away while his wrists seeped crimson fluid into the water. So he got up, went to the bathroom and started by turning the faucet. Looking in the cabinet he found a razor. Closing the door, he stared at himself in the mirror. His eyes, once bright and shiny blue, were bloodshot from crying. He looked like shit, and this made him feel worse. "If only the cameras would take my picture when I look like this, then maybe I wouldn't have quite as many screaming girls trying to tear a piece off me." His dry laugh was full of sadness. He thought a while about going in fully clothed or not. Eventually he went with all his clothes on. He didn't want the paramedics to perv his corpse. Slowly sinking into the water, he thought about leaving a note. 'Too late. I'm already all wet and the guys will be back soon.' He began to sob, slowly taking the razor in his hands. He broke off one of the blades. 'Why the hell doesn't anyone use razors without the little guards anymore,' the random thought popped into his mind. He ignored it and looked at the blood seeping out of his fingertips. Apparently, the blade was sharp. Ashley was pleased, because if it did this to his fingers without any effort it would be quick. *** Dan, Trevor, Erik and Jacob came out of the movie theatre, laughing and joking with each other. "Man that movie was cool! Didn't Lara Croft look sooo sexy?" Erik, as horny as ever, stated to his friends. "Yeah she's hot!" Trevor shouted. "Not as hot as Janie", Jacob rebuffed. "Hmmmm," was all that came out of Dan. "Sup Danny boy?" Erik asked, "don'tcha like Angelina's rack?" "Yeah, course I do man!" Dan said, eagerly "So we off for a drink?" Jacob wanted a little buzz and a drop or two of beer would do him just fine. "Sure" "Of course" "Not me, thanks," Dan said. "Why not?" "Because, Trevor, I'm not old enough and neither are you for that matter and I wanna go to bed. I'm really tired after today," Dan responded. "Well they let me in anyways. I'm SUCH a celebrity you know!!" Trevor enthused. "Dream on Trev," Erik and Jacob said as they walked away. "Hey wait for me!!" Trevor began to catch up. "See you later Dan!" "Bye! Try not to get yourselves too drunk!!" he shouted after them but they were too far away for them to hear him. Dan began to walk back to the house. It was a cold night and he pulled his coat around his neck as the wind cut through him. He finally reached his destination. Pulling out his key, he opened the door and put his coat on the hanger. 'I wonder if Ash is still up?' he thought. He took off his shoes and headed upstairs. Looking into Ashley's room he saw the remnants of his cleaning attempts, but no Ashley. Dan noticed that the pile of laundry was gone. Being the responsible one, he thought he should put the laundry in the machine now then dry it in the morning. He walked toward the bathroom, and casually opened the door, walking in on Ashley in the tub. "Oh sorry Ash, I was just gonna get the la...." He stopped mid-sentence as he saw that Ashley was wearing clothes then he saw the color of the water. "Fuck, Ashley! What the HELL are you doing!!?" Dan screamed at him. Ashley's eyes fluttered open. "I... I..." he started, but was at a loss for words. Dan took his hands and looked at the wrists. Nothing. Then he noticed the small cuts on Ashleys fingers, one was pretty deep. "What are you doing Ashley?" He looked at him with a mixture of worry and fear. "I was.....trying.......to....shave, but the razor broke and then I cut my hand then I guess I......" Ashley babbled. "Bullshit. You were shaving in the bathtub WITH your clothes on?" He looked at Ashley and saw the pain in his eyes. Ashley began to sob. "Don't cry man, come on lets get you out of here and change your clothes ok?" Ashley simply nodded. He stood and let the water drain from the bath after Dan pulled the plug out. He went over and got his towels and began to dry his hair, then take off his shirt. "I'll go and get you some clothes ok?" Dan said as he left the bathroom, the slightest of blushes beginning to form on his cheeks. Ashley undressed and towelled himself of and Dan returned with dry clothes. "Ok, I'm gonna put these in the washing machine, I'll be back in a few. Will you be ok?" "I'm not two years old anymore, Dan," Ashley stated with no emotion at all. "Right," Dan left again as Ashley dressed. Ashley went back to his room. Damn! The first and only time he tried to kill himself and he'd been caught. Great. Dan came back with a cup of hot cocoa for them both. An awkward silence filled the room. "So....." "I DON'T wanna talk about it" Ashley snapped, loudly. 'Oh boy this is gonna be a LONG night' Dan thought. *** tbc?? Well? Any good? Send me an email at Pheonix_1982@hotmail.com tell me what you think!!