Date: Fri, 01 Nov 2002 10:58:57 -0800 From: Scott Lockhart Subject: my girlfriend made me do it-chapter 18 This is not intended to reflect any of the true personalities of the identities present. I don't have personal knowledge of any of the people I am writing about, and if you are reading this illegally, hit the little x in the top right hand corner of your screen. Hi! Guess what! I have 19 credit hours this semester, so I get about two minutes a day to write, and every time I do, I use the time to rewrite what I already wrote, cuz I don't like it, so it's a very slow process! Bear with me!! A couple of you were nice enough to leave me an email after my last update. Apparently you guys don't realize that the only "reward" I get for writing is viewer feedback, and as long as I continue to get no response, the longer the delays are going to be. For the six or seven of you that have always written me after every update, good for you. You get a gold star for the day. Its going in my grade book. As for the rest of you...see me in my office. Laters, scooter (believe it or not, that was my nickname in like, fourth grade.) I parked the Bentley, and turned to argue with Justin, but before I could, Joey and Lance raced over to the convertible. "Justin, where the fuck were you? Johnny's going apeshit in there, why isn't your fucking phone turned on?" Joey fumed, slamming his hands on the hood. "Josh said you'd be in by nine-fifteen, you have ten fucking minutes to zip your ass into your outfit, then go down to makeup," Lance said angrily, waving a clipboard around as he talked. Both of them were in strange khaki costumes that looked half beach punk, half Gilligan's Island. Joey had on khaki wind pants with blue accents rolled up to halfway up his shin and Birkenstocks, a too-tight long sleeved black top with 3 blue tiger strips across it, and a white khaki field-researcher vest over it. His hair was hidden under a black bandana, tied with the flaps over his left ear, and a few strands of hair wiggling loose on the right side. He also was wearing a necklace with a blue jewel in it that I had never seen him wear before. His goatee was cleanly shaven, and he looked pretty good, actually. Lance had on a long sleeved deep aquamarine blue shirt, almost skin tight, with a thin, sewed-on khaki stripe running vertically on the left side. His matching low-hung khaki cargo shorts were barely held onto his hips by a black belt with metal rivets, and the right side of the shorts had a matching aquamarine star on one of the cargo pockets. His blonde hair was spiked up and streaked with lighter blond, unlike I've normally seen him wear it. Also, I noticed, he had an earring with a blue gem in it, in his left year. I didn't even know he had pierced his ears. He was wearing a little more jewelry than usual, too: that stupid white rock necklace that everyone wears was stretched tightly over his neck, so that it wouldn't move. He also had a silver bracelet with turquoise jewels or something in it. It was totally unlike the relatively plain, conservative stuff he usually wears. And Lance never wore jewelry, from what I had seen. Lance and Joey berated Justin for a few minutes, who adopted his by-now characteristic, cool-disinterested attitude bordering on narcissism, until finally, a man I had never met before but must be the infamous Johnny Wright came rushing out of the building with Josh trailing along behind him, and two other people I didn't know. Mr. Wright was a short, relatively fit guy, wearing an obviously personally tailored expensive suit. His thick brown hair was long, and was combed back, away from his face, giving him a youthful, yet professional look. He was walking towards us, but looked extremely preoccupied and was obviously not used to seeing to things directly himself. The two assistants hovered behind everyone awkwardly, not used to being in the presence of celebrities. He walked with confidence and commanded attention. Anyone looking at him knew that this was THE GUY, the one who made it all happen. Justin, Lance and Joey stopped their jabbering at once. "Boys, I believe we have a rehearsal to put together," he said, in a startling British accent. It was totally unexpected. "Would you mind telling me why you were not on call this morning?" The man glared at Justin, who immediately cowered, and mumbled that he hadn't realized the time, and blah blah blah. Even though the guy was only like, 5'7" at the most, maybe 140 lbs, he commanded such power, that I would have obeyed anything he said. He wasn't rude, and he didn't chew Justin out, but he might as well have, judging by the dejected look on Justin's face when Mr. Wright was done. Finally, he looked at me, still sitting in the driver's seat of the Bentley, still dressed in my sweaty workout clothes. Everyone held their breath. "You must be Austin. I'm sorry we never got a chance to meet. Welcome to Jive Records," was all he said, offering me a hand. I shook it uncertainly, glancing at the guys for support. They all shrugged helplessly. "I'll see you all for an interim meeting at eleven thirty, then you can have the rest of the day off." he said, before walking away, obviously relieved that Justin was finally here and the rehearsal could go on as scheduled. As Mr. Wright turned and left, the two other assistants, a guy and a girl that had followed him out, followed him back in, the girl holding out a piece of fabric for him to inspect and jabbering away, the guy silently holding out a thermos of coffee. Josh rushed me, and pulled me out of the car, to my embarrassment. "Why are you driving, and why are you so late?!?" he demanded, glancing from me to Justin. Justin scowled. Not being a very good liar, I couldn't really come up with a good excuse. "We...uh, well I wanted to drive, and I didn't really know my way around, that's why we're late," I said lamely. Justin sure made me lie for him a lot, and he usually wanted me to lie to Josh. It didn't get any easier. "Get out of the car, Justin." Lance said, opening the passenger door. Justin tried to get out, and he almost managed to do it, but he gripped the car door in pain as he put weight on his untreated ankle. "What's wrong with your leg?" said Josh immediately, running around the car to Justin's side. I took the keys out of the ignition and hopped out, slamming my door shut. "Nothing," said Justin, thought nobody believed him. Lance glanced at me, but I characteristically stood there like a moron. "Justin did something happen at the gym?" said Joey, looking worried. "No," he insisted, though the green look on his face told everyone he was lying. "God damn it, what the fuck else can go wrong!" moaned Lance, cupping his face in his hands in frustration. "Its just a little sprain, no big deal," said Justin, as he attempted to walk. He fell back against the door. "Hospital," said Joey and Lance at the same time. "No fucking hospital. You heard what Johnny said," Justin insisted. "Justin, you'll totally screw up your foot if you don't go to the hospital right now and treat that," I said. "How did it happen?" demanded Josh. Justin ignored him. Josh was in an outfit that was obviously supposed to match both Joey and Lance, and compliment the khaki theme, as well as be original. Though I'm no designer, I could tell that the clothes were carefully selected to characterize N'Sync as a group, yet with individual characteristics. Josh had on a button down shirt that was half blue, on the right side, with a texture to the design, not just plain blue, and black on the other side. The shirt was half tucked into a pair of loose fitting khaki Dockers and black dancing shoes. His cute face was torn between trying to be easy going, wanting to kill Justin for being late, and wanting to hug him for being crippled. And, I suddenly noticed that he had completely changed his hair again. The long blonde streaks and saucy goatee were replaced with a curly brown mop. The goatee had been shaved and replaced with a small little beard right under his lip that was extremely sexy. Nobody had time to argue, so while Lance and Josh continued to complain to each other, we sort of let Justin hobble up to the rehearsal hall, this huge warehouse that was further down the studio lot, him hanging off my shoulder to keep weight off his foot. The rehearsal hall was at the back of the compound, so we had a bit of a walk ahead of us. Justin was...acting strangely. He was leaning on me as if his leg were killing him, even though earlier, he had hobbled his way out to the car from the mall fairly easily, with barely a slight limp. Along the way, I tried to talk some sense into him. "Justin, what is the big deal if you just get your ankle treated? If you rehearse on it, you're only going to make it worse. You might even tear a tendon. I don't want that to happen," I said softly. Obviously, angry demands weren't going to work on Mr. Ego Trip Timberlake. I tried the sensitive approach. "Look at you, suddenly all Mr. Gentle," he cracked, immediately realizing what I was trying to do. "When I told you that you were a good actor, I didn't mean you should try it on me," he said. "What are you talking about?" I said defensively. "Do I look like Chet no-brain from the gym? You can't play me, I am the master of mind games," he said. I looked at him, as he gripped my shoulder very tightly, his eyes sparkling despite the fact that he was turning green with pain. The dude was going to put on a show no matter what. I kind of admired that. "We'll see about that. If you're such a mind master, how come you can't walk on your own two feet?" I said, continuing the light hearted mood. "I've controlled your mind and made you help me as my crutch, so that I don't have to do it myself," he said swiftly, and we cracked up. The other guys looked at us, confused and curious. Actually Josh was looking more than curious. He looked ready to explode. I assumed that he was just angry for Justin making them late and him in trouble, so I shrugged it off. "Justin, you can barely walk. I can't believe I'm letting you go through with this," said Lance. "You're letting me go through with it because you know you won't be able to stop me even if you tried," Justin replied, winking at me. He squeezed my shoulder as he continued using me as a crutch. Lance tried to hide his smirk, but Joey caught him. "Dude, you're laughing! Come on, Scoop, he can't be that hurt if he's still acting like a little brat." We all laughed at this one, except Josh. He was going to be mad no matter what. "Me? A brat?" Justin said in mock-outrage, but he couldn't help but smile. And the laugh treatment was working, Justin was walking more normally now and not hanging on me so much. "If I were the brat, I wouldn't be driving a $300,000 Mustang that my girlfriend's parents bought, would I?" Justin said, and I looked at Joey, who had turned beet-red in embarrassment. "Maybe not, but you are the one who spent ten grand on a hat," he retorted. "It was from the Blues Brother's movie!" Justin declared, and everyone laughed. The laughter came to an abrupt end when, about halfway there, we spotted Chris, and I almost dropped Justin because I felt like strangling the little troll. He was dressed just similar to the other three; khaki overalls with a black long sleeved T shirt underneath, and a blue headband around his pointed head. "Well if it isn't the fairy patrol. How nice of papa smurf here to bring you back here before he raped your stupid ass," he sneered. Justin was nearly crumpled as Joey and Lance both moved in to hold me down. I was just about to punch his stupid sneering face, when, from out of nowhere, Josh stepped up and pops him one. He totally wasn't expecting it, and his head snapped back. "You fucking little faggot!" he screamed once he had gotten over his shock. He lunged at Josh, but Joey stopped him with a solid slam to the chest. Lance stopped everything by jumping in between Joey, who was holding Chris back, and me, Justin and Josh. "Alright that's enough!" he growled, holding his hands out like a referee. "We can't keep having these stupid little fist fights every goddamn time we see each other. We are all adults, and we have to be onstage in an hour, and if Johnny thinks that anything is out of the ordinary, we can find ourselves a new record label. So enough of this little childish bullshit, you got it?" You had to hand it to him, Lance knew how to control a situation. Chris shoved Joey away from him, then vigorously straightened out his shirt, glaring daggers at everyone, but not saying anything. Josh glared daggers back at him from over my shoulder. "Got it?!!" he snarled, his usually very mellow attitude taken over by his tendency to want to keep everything cool. "Fine, whatever," Chris muttered, before walking off ahead of us. "Fucking dick," Justin muttered under his breath. I, on the other hand was far from angry. I was thrilled that Josh had finally stood up to that little troll. "Josh, that was so cool!" I couldn't help exclaiming. "I'm so proud of you!" I said, giggling. Everyone looked at me in disbelief, including Josh. "Ok, ok, I know I probably shouldn't say that, but that was so cool the way you just..." I trailed off, seeing the four shocked faces. In silence, we trooped the rest of the way to the rehearsal hall, Justin and me bringing up the rear, Josh way ahead, going along in a gloomy silence. I felt kind of weird. I was expecting Josh to at least say something to me, maybe even tell me off for defending him again, but it was almost like he was avoiding me. Justin, on the other hand, wouldn't shut up, and started prattling on about the upcoming trip, and what he was going to see and do in Cancun once we got some free time. He kept making plans that included me, such as: "...and then we can go to the Puerta Viaje, this resort over on an island out to sea, and then I'll show you this part of the beach where all the girls are totally topless, and the guys can only wear thongs..." I said nothing, because I was too busy worrying about Josh to pay much attention. Was my comment about being proud of Josh inappropriate? When we finally reached the rehearsal hall, a half mile away from where we had parked(seriously), we found a pair of bodyguards dispatched near the entrance. They held the doors open as I helped Justin up the small stoop into the back door of the rehearsal hall, which supposedly put us backstage. At once, four people pounced on us, jabbering away in impatience, and I heard bits and pieces about how celebrities think that no one's time is more valuable than their own. They tried to pull Justin away from me, but because he suddenly didn't want to let go of me, and his swollen ankle prevented him from walking, they just pulled me with him into a little area off to the side of the main aisle, where other people were running back and forth, carrying clipboards and wearing headsets, attaching wires and circuitry, and whatever else backstage people do. Two women immediately pulled Justin away from me, sat him down into a chair and began stripping off his clothes, and I was shoved to the side in the rudest possible way. They pulled a tiny black turtleneck onto him, and another two women immediately began dabbing makeup on his face. One guy reached in to comb and adjust his hair, while another one gave him a pair of khaki cargo pants and some military boots to wear. I could barely see Justin among the arms of the six or seven assistants whose entire vocabulary consisted of "Done!" and "Give me Red Brunette Dye number 3! Big bottle!" So I stepped back and joined Josh in the background, who was reading through a schedule on a clipboard and muttering to himself. I tried to attract Josh's attention, but he was stuck on Busy Josh mode, and didn't want to be bothered. "Josh, are you ok?" I asked, trying to look him in the eye. "Yes, I'm fine," he snapped, before walking away. What the hell did I do now? I watched Josh half-run away from me, around the curtain to onstage. This creepy feeling came over me watching him walk away. Having nothing else to do except sulk, I just watched Justin struggle to put on the clothes, and I saw another guy standing behind them, waiting with a khaki jacket that had blue pockets that Justin would need to finish his stage costume. A short Asian girl was holding out a tray of silver jewelry and a water bottle. Shrugging in helplessness, I turned to Joey, who was vigorously crossing things off his clipboard, ever so often fixing me with his evil eye. He was obviously still mad at me for being late. "I'm sorry, Joe, but he fucked up his leg and refused to go to the hospital. What was I supposed to do?" I said. "I'm not mad at you." he said, and I sighed in relief. Having Josh mad at me was bad enough. "It's just...this couldn't have come at a worse time. I'm just...waiting for the bomb to drop. Look at this," he said, holding out the clipboard. Joey had organized his entire routine on paper, and he was indicating to some complicated numbering dancer jargon that I couldn't make out. "His first routine has him spinning off with this move called a duplet, then kicking his foot and landing in this "house" position. He'll never pull it off on a sprained ankle. He'll go sailing into the front row and then I'll never hear the end of it," said Joey worriedly. I smiled tentatively, offering my condolences. "He's stubborn as a fucking mule," I commented. "I know," Joey answered. We both watched him as he snapped at the makeup lady trying to give him eye liner, then ripped the jewelry tray out of the Asian girl's hand, snapping at her to get the fuck out of his sight and telling her to go do something useful for change. Lance walked up to us, wearing a headset of his own and carrying a clipboard which had at least a dozen sheets of paper clipped to it. Were it not for his bright blue shirt and new surfer-ish hairstyle, I would have totally assumed he was a part of the backstage crew. "Allright, the red flamenco lights that we wanted aren't set up, so on JC's second solo, they're giving him an auditory cue. We'll have to follow him. Five minutes till sound check. Do you have your earpiece?" Joey tapped his ear. "Five minutes. Can I see that sounding board order sheet when you're done with it?" he said, indicating Joey's clipboard. "This is our dance list. Maureen has the order sheet," Joey replied. Lance said something into his headset, then walked away from us, totally engrossed in the business. "Bass, Fatone, Timberlake, center stage, let's go!" Someone called a few minutes later. Everyone began going even faster, electricians from catwalks twenty feet in the air were calling instructions down to the gophers on the floor, who began plugging things in and carrying things in from offstage. "Well, see you from the stage," Joey shrugged, as he turned to look at me, the action around us increasing in tempo. "K, I'll be sitting front row, center," I assured him. "No, don't. Nobody'll be there, you'll look like a total moron. Just sit in the back with the seconds." "Seconds?" I repeated. "Yeah, there're only five paid dancers on stage with us at a time. The others are kind of like...understudies I guess. Whenever we do several shows a day, they do every second performance, and that's why we call them... "...seconds, gotcha." I finished for him. "Allright, I can't wait. See you soon." "Bye!" he said, waving. "Hey, wait," I said suddenly, remembering something. Joey turned back around. "Yeah?" "Can I talk to you after the concert? About what happened while Justin and I were gone? With you and Josh and Lance?" Joey gave me a weird look. "Wouldn't you want to talk to JC about that?" "Well yeah...but he's mad at me right now. And I want to know if its because Justin wouldn't take me back, or something else, and I thought maybe he talked to you about it." "Justin wouldn't take you back?" Joey said suddenly, frowning. "Yeah, he said the gym was too far away to be able to get a good workout going," I answered. "He said that?" Joey repeated. "Yeah." Joey paused for a minute, then he glanced at Justin. "Yeah, sure Austin. Drop by my dressing room after the rehearsal," he finally said, then he jogged back to the stage. Frowning slightly, wondering what that was all about, I glanced at Justin and saw that he was struggling to stand as three remaining makeup people tried to hurriedly finish detailing his star-studded face. He looked really weird with all that makeup on, and the reddish-brown hair dye they had given him didn't do much for his curly hair that was growing in. I suddenly remembered that when I first met him, he had a bald head, and I had dubbed him Baldy, since I hadn't known his name. I thanked my heavenly stars that the hair people had dyed Josh's hair back to how I remembered it in Seattle, dark brown. The long blond streaks weren't really doing much for me. Unfortunately, that reminded me that Josh was mad at me about something; I guess for being late and not calling. I sighed. When was Josh going to stop treating me like a teenager with a curfew? Justin winced in pain as the wardrobe guy shoved on the military boot onto his injured foot. He yelled obscenities for everyone to hear, and kicked the guy. "Justin, calm down," I called, and he glanced back, surprised that I was still there. The rest of the wardrobe people were wisely standing back, so I had room to see him. He apologized to the guy for my benefit, but claimed he wanted to put the shoes on himself. Muttering darkly, his features frozen by the excess stage makeup, he finally managed to finish putting together his costume, and he stood up, hesitantly applying as little weight as possible to his left foot. I refused to allow him to use me as a crutch, since he wasn't going to listen to me anyway, and after we exchanged "good lucks", he hobbled off around the curtain to where the rest of the guys were standing for sound check. Stubborn ass mother fucker, I thought to myself, as I reoriented myself around the backstage of the rehearsal hall, where I assumed we were located, based on the visual contexts of cords, curtains, and lights that were everywhere. I walked back outside, and walked around the reahearsal hall to go in through the front. I opened the double doors to see a huge, almost empty auditorium, with an antique stage complete with velvet curtains twenty-five feet high, and dozens of rows of plush red theatre seats. On center stage stood N'Sync, the dim lighting of the auditorium blurring their features from where I stood near the back row. They were doing voice exercises, supervised by three or four business people and the primary sound technician, who was seated in a mini booth right in front of the stage, adjusting knobs and sliders. He kept indicating the group to move to a higher octave, and they did, their five voices blending together into a very harmonious multi-faceted sound that was obviously very talented. At the same time, lighting people were on ladders, making last-minute adjustments to the stage lights, and putting colored disks in front of the lights, and marking them off on clipboards. Some people in black were setting up a white backdrop and some artificial incandescent lights further downstage right, and I realized that some photo shoots were also going to be a part of the agenda. Someone called over a loudspeaker that he couldn't hear Lance at all, and Lance immediately started fingering his microphone, which had been clipped to his shirt. There was no sign of Nelly, or any of the other dancers. The only other people in the auditorium besides N'sync and the technicians were sitting in one row halfway down the center aisle. I glanced around, trying to locate the "seconds", and decided I didn't really care, so I sat by myself, somewhat off to the right, a good twenty rows back. Everyone saw me, and they waved except for you know who, Chris giving me his ubiquitous stone angry face. Justin smiled brightly at me, and Josh sort of gave me a cold nod of the head. I felt like he had thrown a bucket of ice water at me. They were purposely standing with Chris on the far left, then Joey, Lance, Justin, Josh. If anybody noticed the dirty looks Josh and Chris kept shooting each other, nobody cared. I got comfortable and began watching everyone, excited at seeing a show put together, even though I knew there would be a lot less spectacular stunts since this was just a rehearsal, and that I would be watching the same thing run over and over several times. I also hoped that Josh would see me looking at him, and stop being so mad. I was starting to feel really guilty for being chicken and not calling him myself from the health spa. Maybe that was the reason he was mad. A few minutes before ten, Nelly showed up in a distinctly rapper version of the blue, black and khaki beach theme that was obviously meant for the sunny Cancun beach culture. The pants were extremely baggy, the khaki jacket oversized and ill-fitting. Several platinum medallions circled his neck, and his hair was set into braids that tied at the back, with a blue headband meant to compliment N'sync surrounding his head. That bandaid was still underneath his eye, and did nothing for his looks, which outside of a well-built body that he had no shame displaying, since he wasn't wearing anything underneath the jacket, was the only thing going for him. And, as I saw with a cringe, he had Lisa by her shoulders, and was quietly talking to her, making her giggle and blush. Lisa had on a cute red halter top that showed off her tight stomach and pierced belly button, and her infamous white clingy shorts. Her short jacket hung off her frame, and was made out of that faux black denim look that only black people can pull off. Her red Nikes perfectly matched her shirt. Her dark, silky hair was pulled back into a pair of ponytails held in place by red and white scrunchies, and she had on a white visor with a black Nike swoosh. Her perfect face was complimented by her huge gold loop earrings and silver eye shadow. Instantly feeling guilty for checking her out, I glanced around and saw that the dozen or so dancers, all dressed in black and blue jumpsuits, had all followed Nelly on stage and were all lined up single file across the left hand side. That buff blond asshole dancing director appeared, and started bossing them around, and they quickly moved into various positions around the stage, and they all individually began practicing some of the routines that they would be doing in a few minutes. One of the businessmen, the only black guy in a suit, then walked over to Nelly and started gesturing frantically toward his watch. The empty auditorium's acoustics allowed me to hear everything that was being said. "Cornell, you were supposed to be here at a quarter till, now get over here so we can finish the sound check!" he said angrily. If the guy was Nelly's manager, Nelly didn't look the slightest bit intimidated, and he ignored the man's angry gesticulations. He grinned, then simply kissed Lisa goodbye, and sauntered over to center stage, looking completely at ease with himself. From the looks of things, he could really give Justin a run for his money in the ego department. What did Lisa see in him? Speaking of Lisa, I watched her wave at Joey, who waved back, then pointed me out in the theatre. She responded by grinning, hopping off stage, and making a beeline for me. Greeeaaaat. Thanks, Joey. "Hey Austin, I heard you're going to MTV Spring Break with us!" she said enthusiastically when she reached my row, holding out her arms for a hug. I stood up and tentatively tapped her back, my mind going haywire, and remembering that the last time we had spoken to each other was when I was rushing out of the studio to see Josh. That was the day that we had nearly kissed each other, screwing everything up. What was with her sudden enthusiasm? If I were her, I'd be kicking my ass for being such a jerk. Lisa sat down next to me, and I wondered what the hell had happened that she had changed her attitude so fast. Lisa was totally upfront about everything, she wouldn't be one to put on a front. What the hell was going on? "So." She said, fixing me with her captivating brown eyes. "So..." I said, purposely avoiding her gaze. I did not want to screw anything else up again, especially everything between me and Josh. Remember, I still hadn't even told him about the little forbidden-almost-kiss. I instead looked out onto the stage, and saw that we had an audience. Josh was watching me curiously out of the corner of his eye, and I also saw Nelly give me a strange look when they all started to disperse and take up their starting positions around the stage. They were about to begin a short initial rehearsal that slowed all of the moves down to half time. "Why the hell didn't you just tell me you're gay?" she said. I snapped my head back around. "What...?" I started. How in the hell...? "Boy, don't even try to deny it. Joey told me. And no, he wasn't betraying your secret or anything, which shouldn't even be a secret anyways. I just wanted to know why you were acting all weird rushing out on me the other day. Why didn't you just say something?" I turned beet red, and I couldn't think of a damn thing to say. "What did you think I would do, slap you? I'm just so relieved, I thought it was because you didn't like me!" Lisa continued, deciding to ignore my lack of the ability to speak at the moment. "One, two, three, four, back up! Back up!" the choreographer yelled from onstage. The last-minute practice session was already underway, everyone moving slowly through their respective routines. "Austin, look, I'm sorry that I found out this way, but I had to know what happened, I mean you left so soon you never gave me a chance to explain..." Lisa continued, trailing off. I continued to concentrate on the oily floor of the stage directly in front of my eyes. "E4 is void, put it on over there... B12 and B14 need adjustments, Carrie," called one of the technicians over the loudspeaker. The business people, three men and one woman, just then walked offstage as the choreographer began directing positions to the nervous black and blue-clad dancers. "I think its great, I have no problem with it, I don't know why you think I would..." "Timberlake, dip on that step, how many times do I have to tell you!" yelled the blond choreographer. I quickly looked up to see if Justin had collapsed on his bad ankle, but it seemed that he was putting on a good front and making most of his routines despite the painful wince that marked every step he took. Stubborn as a goddamn mule. "And this is so much better, because now we really can be friends, instead of feeling that awkward tension between us..." Lisa continued. "We're ready now!" called the photographer, a short, black-clad woman in her thirties with short blonde hair and oversized tortoise shell glasses. She and her assistants had assembled the lighting and a tripod for their photo shoot, and one of them was holding a humongous camera around his neck. Nelly and N'Sync stopped their slow practice session with the choreographer and walked over to the photographer with what I assumed to be the stage manager. They began posing, and after a few minutes of silence, Lisa realizing that she wasn't going to get anything else out of me, the void was filled with snapping cameras, and occasional orders from the photographer, who danced around the group, snapping 10 pictures every second. At the same time, the choreographer continued the slow practice session with the ten dancers. "Will you at least talk to me Austin? I'm sorry I found out this way, but you could have at least said something to me." Lisa pouted. I finally broke my resolve and turned to look at her. "Let's just watch the rehearsal, ok?" I said. Lisa looked at me long and hard, then sighed, and directed her gaze forward. After the photo shoot was done, it was nearly ten thirty, and the stage manager cleared everyone offstage. The lighting people had been done for a while, but the sound technicians were still sitting in the front booth, getting ready to start the dress rehearsal. A few of the dancers and the choreographer walked into the audience, and sat near the business people over on the left hand side. The other three came over and sat right behind Lisa and me, which I thought was very strange. I didn't have time to think anything as the lights suddenly dimmed, and a pair of blue spotlights, surrounded by circling white strobe lights appeared on stage, and that opening guitar riff to Josh's song came on over the loudspeakers. The harmony played for a little while, and then suddenly Nelly popped out from behind the curtain, and began this little hip-hop rant. While he was speaking, five of the dancers in black appeared behind him and began the dance routine that I briefly recognized, which consisted of a lot of sliding and arm motions. Just as Nelly finished, Justin walked in from stage right, and proceeded to walk along the semicircular perimeter of the stage, his pain apparently gone from his face as he sang. Wow, I had never really heard Justin sing before, but he was really good. It was almost like a completely different person was up there than the Justin that I knew. Justin took center stage, and commanded all of the attention. I was very impressed. At the same time, I noticed that Nelly had moved to stage left, and was heavily into his impressive swirling, twisting dance, an obviously well organized and coordinated routine that seemed almost natural to him, and flowed perfectly with the music. Maybe I had underestimated the talent that goes into pop music. Justin finished his little solo, with occasional vocal interruptions from Nelly played into the song, and the rest of the group came out from behind the center curtain, moving in front of the black-clad dancers, until all 11 people were on stage. N sync was singing something together, their harmony blending perfectly, while Justin remained isolated on center stage, and continued to sing things like "oh oh!" and "Yeah," during the harmony that the rest of the guys were vocalizing, which was one of the most annoying things about the song. Justin moved to stage left, between Nelly and N'Sync, but stayed right at the edge of the stage, and then he began his routine, which involved a lot of kicking and grinding. I was watching him so closely to see if he was going to fall and call attention to his injury I almost missed Josh's solo entry, which came on right after the little harmony part. Lance, Joey and Chris moved back, and Josh moved up to center stage, Justin still to the left and Nelly further left and behind him. The other dancers were almost invisible. Oh. My. God. That's all I can say. Josh opened his mouth, and heaven came out, it was absolutely amazing. I could not believe that this was the Josh I had known for so long, singing up there. He just had such stage presence, and his new haircut looked so hot on him. His voice was like...a phoenix exploding out of the ashes. It touched me, and I suddenly felt like I was the only one in the theatre, even though Josh was singing something about getting back with a girlfriend. My mouth dropped open in awe. How could I have been with Josh so long and I didn't even know what an amazing voice and talent he had? Josh sang full out, and carried most of the rest of the song with his absolutely fabulous voice. I didn't pay attention to anything else for the rest of that song, my mind was that focused. I followed Josh all the way through the routine. Of all 11 people, he actually danced the least. Lance, Joey and Chris never got solos, and I wondered if it was just this song, or if it happened a lot. They pretty much imitated the dance moves of the background dancers, all of them with the same camera smile that lately was never on any of their faces. Even Chris was smiling, and I reflected on how much less of a troll he looked with a smile on. All in all, the song wasn't so bad. It was missing some electric guitars and a stronger drum rhythm to drown out the kind of girly harmony parts when N'sync sang, but Justin, Nelly, and especially Josh were able to blend together in the middle of it, all of them taking center stage, Justin in the middle, to sound relatively good. The words were trite, and the song held no real meaning, but the sounds and melody were catchy, and not so bad. It was actually pretty well put together, and I wouldn't mind listening to it again, but certainly not more than once. The most important thing I took away from the rehearsal wasn't the cheesy lyrics or the equivocal dance moves, it was the fact that right there, looking at Josh onstage, I was filled with a renewed love for him, and I knew that I was the luckiest guy on earth. Who says you can't find love twice? I made a decision right then to write something about the experience later, and let Josh read it, if he would ever speak to me again. Just when they were finishing, and it seemed apparent that no new verses were going to be sung, Justin suddenly collapsed mid-move on the floor of the stage, clutching his leg in pain. Lance nearly tripped over him, and he suddenly called out "STOP!" Now I know that the whole point of a dress rehearsal is that you don't stop for anything. But this was an exception. The music fizzled out, everyone stopped, and they all quickly gathered around Justin's fallen body, mumbling to themselves. "He's hurt, check it out," Nelly called, and Lisa and I both stood in our seats, trying to see through the sudden group of bodies that had rushed over and stood around Justin in a circle. I heard Justin moan, and I cursed both myself and him for not listening to my instincts and taking him here instead of the hospital, where we should be right now, having his ankle treated. "Call the paramedics, quick," called the stage manager, and a few of the dancers rushed offstage. Everyone stopped what they were doing, but the noise level increased, as everyone began talking amongst themselves about what happened. "Oh my god, what happened?" Lisa said. I didn't answer, but I sprung out of my seat and ran down the aisle. "Can you breathe? Are you ok?" it was Lance, holding up Justin's head and talking quietly to him. "Back off, give him some room!" said Nelly, shoving back the underwriters, dancing extras and backstage people that were all gathered around. "I...I...can't feel my leg..." I heard Justin mumble underneath the loud chattering. He had turned green with pain, and he seemed strangely disoriented. He was no longer clutching his ankle...he seemed almost unaware of it. Maybe he had hit his head when he fell. "Don't move him!" I shouted as I reached the stage, as I saw Joey and Lance attempt to pull Justin up. I hoisted myself up over the edge and scrambled over to the crowd. "For god's sakes, don't move him! He might have hit his head when he fell. Did anyone see him?" I said upon reaching the crowd. Everyone quieted down, looking helplessly at me. "Well?" I demanded. One of the dancers spoke up. "Yeah, I saw him, his foot...it sort of slipped out from under him, and he hit the back of his head on the stage..." "Great," I muttered. I walked over to where Joey, Lance, and Nelly were standing next to Justin's fallen body, all of them with closed, ashen faces. The choreographer was kneeling down over Justin, trying to get him to focus. "Justin? Can you hear me?" he was whispering, as he hovered over Justin's tacit form, waving a hand in front of his face. When I reached them, I tried to see if his eyes were dilated, but the choreographer wouldn't get out of the way, so I settled for determining whether Justin's ankle had been damaged in the fall. It looked awful, his foot was sticking out at a strange angle, and was clearly swelling up in Justin's boots. I quickly stooped down and started to take them off. "What are you doing?" somebody said. "He sprained his ankle earlier, and its swelling up. He probably twisted it as he fell down," I answered. The stage got quiet as I quickly untied the boot, then slipped off Justin's sock, and peeled back the pant leg. An audible gasp could be heard from those people that had gathered behind me when we all saw Justin's foot. His ankle was beet red and throbbing, and had a harsh purple bruise forming on the dorsal metatarsal bone, topping some massive red swelling. It had only been an hour or so since he had sprained it, but since he insisted on putting immediate weight on it all during his rehearsal, it looked a lot worse than it was. I've seen hundreds of sprained ankles playing baseball, and I've seen just as many stubborn ball players insisting that a sprained ankle isn't even an ailment, and have tried to play on it. The thing is, an ankle "sprain" occurs when the ligaments in your ankle are strained almost to the breaking point, and the nerves send pain receptors to your brain. Almost immediately, the muscles in your foot are put on hold, and you feel like you can't even move it. That's your body's way of saying that you put too much stress too fast, and before a serious injury can occur, it throbs and swells. A twisted ankle is different. That's when you actually turn your foot the "wrong way", and the main tendon in your ankle joint is stressed. Its far less serious, and it was what I had assumed had happened to Justin in the store. It was hard to tell the difference, however. Before much could be done, however, two of the stagehands came back with Johnny Wright, the general manager, who ran over to center stage. Everyone dispersed, and I was finally able to breathe clearly. "The paramedics will be here in two minutes, what on earth happened here?" he said breathlessly, looking from one face to another. The blond choreographer spoke up, "The floor might have been too slippery, his feet just sort of fell out from underneath him on the very last repetition, and he might have hit his head." His bossy tone was gone, and he sounded genuinely concerned. "We saw on the monitors that he grabbed his leg as he fell, and it might have been due to this ankle injury," said one of the video technicians who had run up from backstage. "He sprained his ankle at the gym, but he thought he was ok to rehearse on it," spoke up Josh, who was completely on the other side of the crowd. I eyed him curiously, why was he standing so far away? I didn't get a chance to ask him, however, because the paramedics showed up just about then, and told everyone to clear out. Mr. Wright told everyone to pack up and go home, the other four rehearsals that they had planned on doing of the barely five-minute song were going to be postponed, and everyone wandered off, muttering in confusion, leaving just me, Josh, Chris, Joey, Lance, Nelly and Lisa left onstage. The medics put Justin on a stretcher, and took him out of the rehearsal hall, and Mr. Wright volunteered to go along with them to the hospital to fill out forms or whatever. The rest of us stood around, still somewhat in shock as to what had happened. "I knew this was going to happen," Josh said, shaking his head in disbelief. "You knew?" said Lisa, who was now standing with Nelly's arm wrapped possessively around her. "Yes I knew! God, Justin is so stubborn!" Josh said. "If you knew, why didn't you say anything?" said Joey, his eyes starting to narrow. "What would I have been able to say that would have made him stop the rehearsal?" Josh challenged. "You could have at least said it wasn't a good idea. I just thought it was a sprain, no big deal," said Lance, crossing his arms over his chest. "A sprain is not 'no big deal'," I spoke up. "Any idiot knows that any stress applied to the lateral tarsal ligament after an ankle inversion injury will result in a partial severed ligament, especially if the stress is for a prolonged period of time." Everyone looked at me like I was insane. "What? You didn't know that? It's common sense." No one said anything for a moment. "This the ball player?" Nelly asked Lisa. She nodded. "If you knew so much about that injury, why did you let him rehearse?" Chris spoke up. "I tried to, but he wouldn't listen..." I said. Before anyone could respond, the stage manager came back to shoo us off the stage. "Alright, people, everyone go home. Rehearsal has been postponed, let's go," he said, waving his arms at us. We reluctantly walked off stage. "C'mon fly, let's bounce," said Nelly, and he tried to pull Lisa off to the right. "Hold on a second," she said, rummaging around in her purse. I was following Josh and Lance, and I didn't really pay attention, but I heard her say, "Austin, wait up," and saw she was offering me a piece of paper. "That's my cell. Call me, k?" she said, winking. Then she returned to Nelly, who gave me a very guarded gaze, before turning around and leaving out the back door. I stood there staring at the piece of paper. I noticed Joey, Lance and Josh looking at me, watching me. Did you think it could get worse? "What the fuck is she giving you her number for? Doesn't she know you're a fucking pussy fag?" said Chris rudely. "You call me that one more time..." I started to threaten, but Chris walked out of the hall before I could finish with a huge bodyguard. The door slammed behind him. After that, Josh abruptly turned and started to leave. "Josh, wait up," I said. "I have work to do, Austin," he said coldly, not even facing me. I watched him hurry out of the auditorium. I had to blink to stop from crying in front of Lance and Joey, the only two left in the auditorium, and sucked all my emotions inside again. Feeling slightly light headed, I dropped into a theater seat. Joey and Lance glanced at each other, then sat in two seats in front of me. Lance started. "K, I know we don't have a huge history together or anything, but believe it or not, we actually like you Austin. So we're going to let you in on a little secret." I looked up at him. "What...?" "Look, you know us pretty well by now, and you know we don't like beating around the bush, right?" I nodded hesitantly, wondering what they were going to tell me. "So we're just going to say that we know everything that's been going on." Joey nodded in agreement. "What are you talking about?" I said, looking from one to the other. Joey had taken off his pirate-like bandana. "We know that Josh is obviously feeling jealous of all the time you've been spending with Justin." Joey said. Shocked, I started to protest: "What time? This morning? Josh told me to go to the gym with Justin, he said he would never speak to me again if I stayed. He wanted to work on some song, and he told me to get the fuck out, so I did. Could I help it that Justin was going to sprain his ankle fifteen minutes before we had to be here?" I said angrily. "What about last night?" said Lance. "What about it!?" I said defensively. "Justin had something very personal to tell me, and he didn't want Josh to know about it." Joey and Lance exchanged amused glances. Turning back to me, Lance had a smirk on his face as he said "And what did he absolutely have to tell you that could not wait until today?" "That's not my business to tell," I said. "Did it have anything to with the fact that Justin is gay?" Completely shocked, my jaw just about fell fifty feet, all the way through the floor into the subbasements. "Who...who says he's gay?" I tried to say, but my initial reaction betrayed anything I could have said to try and cover up for Justin. Lance and Joey both just laughed. "Austin, don't try and play dumb. We know that that's what he wanted to tell you. It was so obvious." "How did you know?" I said, knowing full well that Justin had only told me, and I hadn't said anything to anyone, even Josh. "Ok, back when he and Josh were macking on each other, last Christmas, neither of them probably told you the whole story," said Lance. "The whole story?" I repeated, glancing at Joey for support. He just looked back at me, his grinning expression telling nothing about his emotions. "Yes, the whole story. See, from what I gather, Josh invited Justin over to his house, and I guess they started drinking and whatever. And Justin has never been one to hold his alcohol very well. He's like an open faucet, and a lot of what he would never say when he's sober just kind of...leaks out. Anyway, they got really really drunk, and started kissing each other or whatever..." Lance stopped, taking a glance at me. "This was a long time ago, by the way, way before he had met you," he said matter-of-factly. I nodded, but I couldn't help but feel a tiny knot of unease in my gut picturing Justin and Josh, making out. I knew I shouldn't feel that way, since I had had no claims to Josh back then, but I felt very unsettled nonetheless. "Justin started to sober up, and he realized that what he was doing was wrong, so he ran over to my house out of fear. He was totally freaking out, and he wasn't even making sense, but he sort of...came out to me that day, though I don't think even he realized it. He was saying stuff like...oh no, I was kissing JC, and now he probably thinks I'm some sick pervert, and now everyone's going to know that I like guys, and on and on, until finally I told him to calm down, and we'll go over and confront JC and find out the real deal. "So I force him to go over to JC's house, because he was just about ready to bolt any second, and Josh was there in the living room, crying and drinking some more tequila, obviously depressed that the first person he comes out to reacts like Justin. Josh said that he was sorry for coming on to Justin in that way, and that he was sorry but he was gay. I kept waiting for Justin to interrupt and say no, it was my fault, I'm gay too, but he didn't. And I just let it go, I mean he obviously wasn't ready to admit that about himself yet. I wasn't going to force him. And it was an accident that I knew, so I kept it a secret." "Lance told me this a few days ago, when he realized that Justin was kind of...hitting on you," said Joey. At this, I balked. "What? Hitting on me? Justin, no way. Justin hated me before yesterday, and now he's just acting a little more enthusiastic and friendly because he feels guilty for being such an ass." I scoffed. Joey rolled his eyes. "Dude, look. We've known Justin forever. He's just like a little kid. When he likes someone, he'll torment them for awhile. It's like when the bully on the schoolyard keeps pulling on the girl's pigtails because he really likes them. He was being a little shit because he likes you." "That is so ridiculous!" I said, half-laughing. "Justin and I are friends now, I guess. Justin doesn't like me in that way." "How do you know?" Lance questioned. "Because I know. I can tell when someone likes me or not." "The same way you knew that Josh liked you 'in that way'?" Joey said. I paused. "That's different," I insisted. "Well it doesn't really matter right now." Lance said, leaning over the back of the seat. "What does matter is that you need to understand how Josh is feeling...even if you are right, and Justin doesn't feel that way, it sure as hell looks like it, and I'm equally sure that Josh is going to start to feel a little jealous about it." "We know that you would never mess around on Josh or anything, but we're just trying to let you know how he feels, so that he doesn't think anything worse." Joey said. I paused to think. "So what should I do?" "Find Josh and let him know that nothing is going on between you and Justin, and that you're flattered that he's being so jealous." "What if you're totally wrong about all this, and Josh gets even more mad that I don't know the real reason?" I said. "Trust us. We know." "But..." "Austin, we had a talk with Josh this morning. We know that that's what's bothering him...he feels like you guys never really have time for each other, and that Justin has suddenly been monopolizing all your time. All you have to do is go talk to JC. You'll thank us in the morning after you get done screwing each other's brains out." Shocked that Joey would be so frank about our sex life, I realized that they were right. Even if the whole Justin-liking-me thing was dead wrong(which it was), I could see that maybe Josh felt a little abandoned by me last night, and then today. The same way I had felt when he had brushed me off earlier. As if right on cue, the doors to the auditorium banged open just then, and it was Josh. "You know, we do have that meeting to go to in fifteen minutes..." he started, then seeing me, he stopped. "Oh you're here. I thought you would be at the hospital with Justin," he said crisply, biting off the word 'Justin'. I looked at him with wounded eyes. "What did I do Josh, why are you mad at me?" I said, getting up out of my seat. "Go ask Justin," he said, then spun around and ran off. I refused to look back at Joey and Lance, who I'm sure were ready to burst with "I-told-you-so", so I ran after him. "Ok, stop right there." I said, grabbing his arm and forcing him to face me. "Austin, I really don't have time..." he started to argue. "Well god damn it, make time." I demanded. "Don't do this to me, Joshua. Now just tell me what's wrong." "Don't play dumb, Austin. You know exactly what's wrong." Confused, I tightened my grip on his arm. "Don't call me dumb. I want to know." "I'm not calling you dumb...will you let go of my arm please?" Reluctantly, I let him go, and he staggered backwards, rubbing his arm. "I really needed you this morning, and you weren't there for me. You were off with Justin. You don't think I know what this means? You don't think I see the way he looks at you?" "You don't know what you're talking about..." I started to say dismissively. "I know damn well what I am talking about!" Josh said sharply. "You kept me out Josh, don't even try and tell me that I wasn't there for you. You told me to get the hell out of there. You told me to go to the gym!" I said. "Did it ever occur to you that maybe I was testing you?" "Testing me? What?" "Yes, testing you. Maybe a part of me really did want you to break that door down. Maybe a part of me was waiting for you to finally do something without me having to tell you to." "Why didn't you just say..." "Why do I always have to say it? Why can't you just know?" At that moment, I saw a few staffers walking towards us. Some guy in a golf cart drove by. "Can we not do this here?" I said. Josh looked visibly distressed. "Whatever," he said. He followed me to the main studio receptionary area, that had all the executive offices, the dreaded lounge, and all the recording booths and sound equipment. I found an empty conference room, and I stood back for Josh to enter. "Ok...Lemme get this straight... So you told me to get out of your face...but you really wanted me to stay?" I said incredulously. Josh sighed. He collapsed into an executive chair and threw his arms down on the table, staring off at the blank white board that was at the end of the room. "And what's with this thing with Justin? You told me to go out with him. In fact, you made me go with him." At the mention of Justin's name, Josh's hands curled into tight fists. "Are you still mad about last night?" I said, crossing my arms over my chest. "Am I mad that you would rather spend all night with Justin instead of me, no of course not, why would I be," Josh said sarcastically, rolling his eyes. "Josh..." "Am I mad that you seem to forget I exist whenever you're with him, no way, who could be mad at something like that?" josh said darkly. "You're exaggerating everything, Josh," I said. "Am I?? Well shit, I forgot, what am I again to you, Austin? Am I your boyfriend? Or am I just that guy you kiss when all the lights are off and the doors are locked." "Will you stop with the little word games and just tell me exactly why I pissed you off so much?" "Am I just some psycho who you have to take care of, because I couldn't take all this abuse any more this morning?" "You're not some psycho, how can you say that?" Josh didn't say anything for a moment. I wanted nothing more than to swoop down next to him and hold him close to me again, but something was holding me back. "Josh look at me." He refused. I sat down next to him, summoning up all my energy. "C'mon babe, don't do this to me, I said, trying to put my arm around his shoulder. Josh stiffened, refusing to be placated. I sighed. "Look, I don't understand what happened. We were fine this morning? Why didn't you let me be there with you when you locked yourself in your room? Why did you keep me out like that?" To my surprise, Josh started to cry. He didn't say anything for awhile, and I let him dry his tears. "Because I felt like such a piece of crap after all those things Chris said to me this morning, that I felt like you only wanted to be there because you felt sorry for me." "Josh, no way, I'm proud of you. You were so strong, you just let it all go..." I started to console, inching closer. "No I didn't. I caved." Josh said bitterly. "I bottled it all up, and I tried to pretend I was somewhere else. I ran away Austin, even though I didn't even go anywhere." "Not to me. To me, you were the one in control. I was ready to kill Chris, to hurt him so bad because he hurt you. And you are the most important person in my life, Josh. I can't let anyone hurt you like that. I'm sorry. I know you're going to try and say that you can defend yourself and whatever, but I'm sorry. I can't just sit back and let that little shit say whatever he wants. I can't do it Josh, I care too much." By this point, my mouth was almost right at Josh's ear, and he wasn't resisting. He was actually smiling a little. I took it as a good sign. I covered my hand up with his. "I don't think you're psycho, I think you're the sanest person I've ever known. There isn't a day that goes by when I don't think how much I want to be like you. It's like when I saw you singing today, I thought wow, Josh, you are such an amazing, wonderful, caring, spirited, great-looking guy. I feel so lucky to be a part of that." "You thought that?" Josh said meekly. I was starting to get to him. "Of course, baby. I was blown away by you. I was in that auditorium thinking that I was the only person left on earth. I can't believe what a powerful voice you have, and that talent? Shoot, boy what else have you been hiding from me?" Josh put his other hand on mine, and finally looked me in the eyes. "I don't have any talent Austin..." he started to say. "You have talent if I say you have talent. You were amazing." Josh started to giggle. "Austin, I'm such a freak. Here I have a great guy, and I can't even take his compliments." "Ooh, sending me a compliment too, I see? You know flattery will get you everywhere..." I said, grabbing Josh roughly and tickling him. He twisted and laughed in his chair, gasping for mercy. "Stop! Stop! I give up!" he finally said after a few minutes. "I'm sorry Austin..." "Quit saying that. You don't have to be sorry; I'm the one that should be sorry. I should have busted your door down. I should have busted every door in your house down." "I wouldn't go that far..." "Then I should have gone across the street and knocked their doors down. Then taken all the doors back and beaten Chris over the head with them, all at once." Josh smiled. "So are we going to be ok?" I asked him, still keeping him safely in my arms. Our chairs had been pushed so close against each other, his started to tip over a little. "Yeah, I think we're going to be just fine," he said, and our lips touched with that same electric fire we had with that first kiss, so long ago. Ciao! Although far from the end, isn't it nice to finally read a happy ending? Email me at scottiescot@hotmail.com. How was your Halloween? Drop me a line, I love hearing from people.