My Kinda Guy
A Love To Remember
Chapter -- 19
by JT Poole and Nicole Brown
Why did he have to call me and start up all of those feelings again? I've moved on and I can't...won't allow him to come back into my heart again. He hurt me badly and I can't go through that hurt all over again. He'll just have to get the message this time that there's no going back for us. I'm stronger now and...and I don't need him to be happy. I know I can actually say that in my mind and aloud, but I don't think my heart is ready to believe it. I just have to do something to get my heart to see it too. I won't be a victim again. I won't be on the receiving end of his abuse or hatred ever again. Never!
I'm glad I finally took a chance to move on with my life. If I would have stayed in Los Angeles around him, he would have surely killed me. I see things clearly now and I'm not blinded by love and lust. I know I still have deep feelings for him, but now that I'm away from him, he won't be able to manipulate my feelings for him. Once bitten, twice shy I say. Now that I'm here and away from him, I'm sure he'll move on to someone else. I know I should've done something to put him away, but the more I have to think about him, the more I feel like I'm being trapped and dragged back to him. I won't allow myself to be pulled back into his web of misery and I won't allow myself to go back to that dark place.
I'm free now and with that freedom, I'm going to live my life to the fullest that I can. When JT offered me the security position within his company, I jumped on it. I saw that as a way to get away from him and start my life anew. I just wonder how JT will see me if he knew all the things that happened to me while I was away. He'll probably think that I'm a lesser man because I allowed so much crap to happen to me. I'm away from him and I'll live, I just hope that my life never spirals out of control like that ever again.
Being pulled out of my thoughts, I hear what sounds like something crashing. Walking over to the door, I opened it and walked down to where I heard the most of the noise. Walking into the pool area, I walked further into the area, getting closer to the pool house until I heard what sounded like Kevin, JT and Justin screaming at each other. Going into the pool house and walking through the area, I walk into the bedroom and stop dead in my tracks.
"What's going on in here?" I ask, looking at Nick's bloody body on the bed. "What the hell happened in here? What happened to Nick?"
"We have to get Nick to the hospital! He and Justin had a fight," Kevin tells me as he and JT tried to cover Nick's body with the sheets on the bed. "Tyler don't ask any questions, we just have to get him to the hospital."
"Gotcha, you guys go, I'll stay here with the boys," I say, looking at Justin trying to get up off the floor.
"We have to get him some clothes and then we're heading to the hospital," JT says, moving past me. "We can't take him like this. We'll never hear the end of it."
"If we don't take him now, we might not have to worry about hearing anything at all," Kevin says as the two of them carried Nick out of the room and into the house.
"Oh God Justin, what the hell did you two fucking fight about?" I ask, pushing him up against the wall as he just hiccupped and stepped forward and then backwards, staggering a little as he tried to steady himself. "Answer me damnit!"
"Oh fuck off you meddling cunt!" He shouts at me as I pop him in the chest, knocking him back against the wall.
"You won't talk to me any kind of way Justin! What did you do to Nick?" I ask him again as he just pushed passed me, walking away from me. "I'm not going to let you walk away Justin!"
"I suggest <burp> you fuck off or I'll beat your ass too <burp> you fucking creampie!" He shouts, stumbling through the room and falling outside on the concrete. "Owww shit! Where the fuck did they go with Nicky?"
"They took him to the hospital you fucking idiot!" I shout at him, wondering what the hell was going through his mind.
"He don't need no fucking hospital! I didn't get to go to the fucking hospital, Jon didn't get to go and Steven didn't go! If we didn't get to fucking go...he can't fucking go either!" He shouts, getting up off the ground now and falling again. "Damnit! Help me up!"
"Fucking help your self," I say, walking past him, stopping and kicking him in the gut and walking on.
He's drunk and he hurt his husband! How can a husband that loves you do that kind of thing to you? If he loved Nick, he would've never in a million years did what he did to Nick. Something's not right and I'm going to get to the bottom of it, even if I have to beat his ass on a daily basis to get the answers.
I can't believe Justin did that much damage to Nicky. The doctors are still working with him and from what we've heard so far, the doctor says its touch and go. What the hell happened between the two of them to cause all of this? What could Nick possibly done to get Justin so angry that he would beat him within inches of his life? When I get back to the house, I'm going to have a long talk with that boy and he better tell me what the hell is going on. Being drunk isn't a reason for all of this. Hell I've been drunk and I don't recall ever having an episode similar to anything like this. This is too much and right now, I don't know what to actually think or do.
I was going to call Robert and Jane, but thinking about all the crap we've dealt with from the two of them this past year, I didn't feel like talking to them, so I asked JT would he call them. From the looks of things, one or the other said something to piss JT off since he has an angry look on his face. Walking over to him and sitting down he looked at me like he was defeated.
"Baby what's wrong?" I ask him, leaning in and kissing him.
"They don't care," he flat out says. "I told them what happened and Jane said `he got what he deserved' and Bob told me that he wasn't able to be here and that if time permitted with his job and other business, he would try to get out here to see Nick, but he didn't have the time right now to come."
"What? You're joking right?" I ask as he shook his head in the negative. "They are just going to turn their back on their son? How dare they! What the fuck is their problem?
"Kev calm down," he says, frowning now. "We're here."
"They are his parents damnit! They should be here," I say as the waiting room door opened and Aaron came walking into the room.
"Where's my brother!?!" Aaron asks, walking over to me and hugging me as he cried.
"He's in surgery, the doctors are still working on him," I tell him as he pulled back and looked at JT.
"Where's Justin JT?" He asks as JT looked at him and then up to me.
"He should be at the house, that's where we left him," JT answered him as I looked at Aaron now.
"I've been to the house and he isn't there damnit! Where the hell is he? When I find him, I'm going to beat his ass! He had no right to hurt Nicky the way he did! Why would he do something like that to him damnit?" He asks as I shrug my shoulders. "Why would he hurt the person that he claims he loves and that loves him? Why almost kill him?"
"I don't know Aaron. I'm wondering what the hell is going through his mind myself," I say, looking away from him as he continued to cry as JT wrapped his arms around him.
"We're going to find out what's going on Aaron. I promise you that," JT says as I look around and see Craig walking past the waiting room door.
"Was that Craig?" I ask, walking out of the room, looking down the hall and then looking in the opposite direction. "I could have sworn I saw Craig just now."
"Where's Craig and Lydie anyway, I thought he and Lydia would have been at home when we got there," JT says, releasing Aaron as he pulled out his cell phone and pressed a few buttons. "I haven't gotten a call or seen a message from either of them today. That's very odd."
"That's odd baby," I say, looking down at his phone. "Why don't you give them a call, find out what's going on with them. See if they've lost their minds or something."
"Yeah, I might as well," he says, holding his phone up and noticing that he didn't have a signal. "I guess I'm going to use the pay phone now. You got some change on you honey?"
"I think there's some in my jacket pocket," I tell him as he picks up my jacket, opens the inside pocket and takes some change out. Kissing me on the cheek, he walks over to the payphone and dials a number. "I'm going to get an update on Nick."
"We'll be right here," he says as I looked over at Aaron who was still crying softly. Damn Justin for hurting Nicky that way.
Oh man, oh man, I'm really smashed tonight. I feel like shit and smell that way too. Where the hell am I and how in the hell did I get here? My head is pounding, my ears are ringing and my eyes are blurry. If I didn't know any better, I'd think I'd been at a party somewhere and got really toasted while having a good time. That couldn't be the case, if I was at a party, I'd still be there. With the way I'm dressed, I couldn't have been to a party, I wouldn't be caught dead going some place dressed like this. With the way I feel right now and the fact that I hurt pretty much all over, I actually feel like someone beat the hell out of me.
"Man what the hell did I do tonight? I can barely stand up straight. How in the hell did I get way down here. I don't think I walked down here on my own, not in this fucking condition," I say aloud, brushing the grass and other ground fragments from my clothes. "What the hell is this?"
Looking down at my shirt, pulling it out of my pants, I see a dark reddish color. Not knowing what it was, I sniffed at it and held it away from my face. What the hell is this on my shirt? It looks like blood, but I don't seem to be bleeding, that I know of anyway. Moving further into the light, I see that the blood is all over the bottom of my shirt and on my pants too. What the hell did I get into tonight? If I'm not bleeding, whose blood is this?
"Oh no, God no! What the hell did I do tonight? I'm seeing things...things that I'd never ever...ever dream of doing in my whole entire life time. I don't know whether to believe what I'm seeing as real or not. I thought that was all a dream...a dream created by my drunken mind, but with the blood on my clothes, maybe...maybe that really did happen," I say, stopping at a park bench. "I can't believe that I actually hurt Nicky like that. It had to be a nightmare damnit! I couldn't have hurt him like that. I didn't mean it, I wasn't myself. Oh God, I have to go find him, find him now!"
I can't believe I'm still here in this damn prison! When I get out of this place, Nikki and her friends are going to regret ever messing with me. I can't believe she turned my sweet little Joey against me. I don't know how that bitch was able to turn my baby against me, but when I'm done with her and those friends of hers, she'll wish she never met my son. I told her I would get her and I mean it. When she makes the wrong move, I'll be right there to correct things. Boy she's in for a big surprise.
Got me caged like a bird for smacking her like the bitch she is. How dare they lock me away like this! She's the one that deserves to be locked up, not me. That bitch has ruined the lives of everyone she's come in contact with. She's ruined my life just for me being in here, she hurt Michael and pretty soon she'll hurt Joey again. I don't know why he can't see her for the disturbed woman that she is. For a woman that can sleep with one brother and then end up marrying the other brother when the first one leaves is a mixed up silly little bitch if you ask me. That little act shows me that the heffa don't have no kind of morals. One day Joe will see that and cut all ties with her. I don't care if she is the mother of his children, she doesn't need to be around to take care of those little boys. If my plan goes correctly, she won't be around for much longer to be around for anybody. I've had it with that bitch and now it's time for me to start playing rough.
"Fatone you got a visitor," the guard says, walking to the cell and standing there smirking at me. "Open C-5!"
"A visitor? I wasn't expecting anyone," I say as she shrugs her shoulders and steps back as the cell gate opens.
"Yeah you got a visitor. I suggest you come on before we change our minds and suspend your privileges," the guard says, still smirking at me. "Move it Fatone or else!"
"I'm an old woman, you don't have to rush me," I say as the guard laughs at me.
"If you were an old woman, you wouldn't be here with us. Old women don't go around causing problems like you have," the guard says, pushing me down the corridor.
"Why are you abusing me? Ever since I've been here, you people have been treating me like a fucking punching bag. When I get out of here, I'm going to bring this place up on every charge I can think of," I say as the guard stops, pushes me up against the wall and holds her baton against my throat.
"Look Fatone, I told you when you came in here to not make any trouble. Since you've been here, you've cause problems for everyone you've come in contact with. If you want to continue living, I suggest you take this time to shut the fuck up for once and learn to keep your mouth shut," the guard says, letting me slide down the wall. "When and if you get out of here, that's when you think about all the enemies you've made. I don't think this will be your last visit here with us. You just keep that in mind for the future woman."
"Are you threatening me?" I ask her as she grabbed me by my shirt and pulled me up along the wall.
"Take it as you wanna Fatone. I don't want to hear anymore from you right now!" She screamed as the next guard joined us and she slapped some handcuffs on my wrists and pushed me the rest of the way down the corridor.
These bitches are pressing their luck. Let them keep on doing me wrong, when I get out of here, getting revenge on them will be at the top of my list. When I'm done, they'll be joining Nikki in hell! That has a nice ring to it. Joining Nikki in hell. I can't wait for that joyous day when I'm completely done with that bitch. When she falls off the face of this Earth, everything will be alright with the world again.
"You got twenty minutes Fatone, I suggest you use them minutes wisely," the guard says, opening the door, taking the handcuffs off of me and then allowing me to walk through the door into the room as she closed it behind me.
Oh this is going to be good. I've been waiting a long time to see him. I'll tell him what I want done and once that's taken care of, the world can say goodbye to that heffa. Hell, if he does what he's supposed to, those little boys will be calling me Grandma more often.
I never thought I'd be this happy to see my house again, but after everything that's gone on the last few weeks, I could literally get down on my knees and kiss the carpet I'm so happy to be here. Howie had to stop me from hugging the white column out front, but I don't care. I'm just happy to be home again.
"And this is it... home sweet home for the Dorough clan," Howie said as he ushered JC and Tony inside the house. I followed slower, weighed down as I was by Briahna and the boys.
"Why don't I take her for you?" JC asked, smiling as he reached for Bri, but she gripped me tighter and buried her face in my neck, a muffled but very distinct "no!" letting him know not to bother trying to take her from me.
"It's okay Josh," I said reassuringly as I made my way to the living room and sat down with her still in my arms. I smiled at the men, ignoring for now the troubled frown D was giving me as I turned her around. "So Bri, what do you think of the house?"
"It okay," she replied, glancing around before she rested her head against my shoulder again.
"Alright boys, why don't we take your sister upstairs and show her your toys?" I asked CJ and Josh, who were just as relieved to be home as I was judging from the way they're busy playing on the couch. "Let's go little folk!"
"I'll come with you," Howie stated with a grin as he corralled the boys. "Oh no you don't, mister... It's time for you two to take a nap, so let's go!"
"Fyeeeeee Daddee, fyeeeeee!" Josh screamed as Howie swung him around like an airplane. I followed with Bri and CJ, laughing as my two clowns took off up the stairs at top speed.
"I think those two have just a little too much sugar in them," I muttered to Briahna, who smiled at me for the first time since arriving at the house. "Well, let's go get you guys settled in, okay?"
"'Kay," the two of them replied in unison, climbing the stairs at a much more sedate pace. I couldn't help the arch way I grinned at them, thinking to myself just how much they reminded me of their father.
Briahna got into the extra bed that we'd asked Paula to purchase for us as soon as we'd all decided to live together for the time being without a word, watching wordlessly as I knelt beside the bed with the boys while we prepared to say our evening prayers. She got out of the bed and crept toward us cautiously, almost like she was afraid I would reject to her joining us, but I held my hand out, bringing her into our little circle as I started our nightly ritual.
Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the LORD my soul to keep.
If I should die before I wake,
I pray the LORD my soul to take.
Two bedtime stories, three glasses of water and two songs later, D & I finally got the three of them settled down enough to sleep. Once we were sure they were down for the count, D led me to our bedroom, collapsing on the bed with me in his arms. We lay there for a few minutes, enjoying the relative silence of the house and just being with each other without all the distractions that life on tour had brought into our daily routine.
"It's nice to finally be home," I whispered, stretching as I got comfortable in my favorite position: head resting on D's chest while the rest of us just kinda became a tangle of arms and legs. "I didn't know just how much I missed this place until I saw it when we were pulling up out front. Are you glad to be home now husband of mine?"
"Yeah, I have to admit, I am happy to be home again with you and the boys," he replied, sounding upbeat but I could tell something was bothering him. And more than likely that something had to do with the crazy state of affairs with Tony and JC.
"So... are you gonna tell me now or should I come back with a handwritten note from G-d?" I asked, only slightly sarcastically. D snickered, kissing my forehead before facing me.
"I just love how perceptive you are," he stated, watching me closely as I averted my eyes quickly but then looked back at him. "But seriously, I'm just wondering how you're really feeling about this."
"I'm okay... I guess," I said with a slight frown. D didn't say anything else, just lay there patiently waiting for me to explain. "I guess I'm still stunned about how JC feels about me. I mean, one minute we're biting each others' heads off every chance we get, and now it's like none of that stuff happened. I just wish I could shake this feeling I have that he's only doing this to please Tony."
"Well if he is or if he isn't, we still need to set some ground rules Alicia," D stated, watching me again as I processed what he was saying. "There just some baseline rules for how and when we can play. I won't mention them to Joe or JC without your o.k. though."
I know he's just trying to make our situation as easy to deal with as possible, but a tiny part of me is hoping that he's gonna say he that he doesn't want to share me with anybody, but I knew that wouldn't be the case as he began to outline the rules he'd obviously spent quite a bit of time coming up with.
"Rule number one: No playing unless all of us are aware of what's going on," D stated, smiling at the look I was giving him. "I'm serious `Licia. Rule 2: No trying to make the other person's spouse look bad to them to gain nookie points." When I snickered here, D gave me the sternest look he could without bursting into laughter himself. "That goes double for you and JC."
"You never let me have any fun!" I said, poking my lip out melodramatically. D leaned down and kissed me, tugging gently on said lip until I pulled it in. "You're so mean to me!"
"Whatever lady," he retorted, rubbing the lump that lay between us tenderly. "I'd really prefer it if you didn't do anything with them now... at least until after the baby is born."
"You are joking, right?" I asked, amazed at just how much forethought had gone into making these rules. "I mean come on D! You cannot expect me to be under the same roof with not one, but three of the sexiest men I know and not want to get my freak on."
"I said I prefer it Alicia, not that I require it," he said, giving the belly a reassuring rub. "I just don't want anything to happy to the lump... I kinda like having it around."
"Okay babe... I'll try to keep the sexing to a minimum," I stated, kissing him gently before getting up to change for bed. "But my third trimester is coming up and I will not be held responsible for my actions!"
D didn't reply to that, just laid there watching me change into my nightgown. By the time I'd come out of the bathroom brushing my teeth, he was sound asleep and curled up around my body pillow. I left him there and padded softly to the nursery, peeking in on the kids one last time before I headed to bed myself. No sooner was I under the covers than D wrapped himself around me, curling into my back and giving me a sense of home that no hotel could even begin to touch.
Welcome home Mister Dorough, I thought, kissing his hand before resting it over the lump. Soon I was asleep myself, grateful that for now at least, our family was whole again.
God why is this so hard for me to do right now? I've done it before, but now I feel things between us have changed a little bit for the better. The last couple of days have been great for us. There was a little bit of ups and downs for the two of us, but after we got to the bottom of how he was really feeling about things, it seems like things picked up.
I know he's not going far away, and I can go see him when I want to, but I just don't want to let him go now. I've really enjoyed our time this week and I just don't want any of that to end. After we knew what the main issues were between him and Nikki, it was like everything was right between all of us. Now that we know, I'm sure we can all do what we can to make sure that he's not sad and depressed again. If I'd known the reasons behind his jealousy from the start, I don't think we'd never have the issues in our relationship that we have now. I just wish he would've talked about his feelings for Nikki back then instead of holding everything in the way he did. That would have saved us a whole lot of heartache and pain.
We're lying here in bed together trying to figure out how to solve the big problem at hand. Do I take him back or do I keep him here with me? I know I have to take him back to the sanitarium but I really don't want to. With the time we've shared together this week, I don't feel he needs to go back to that place. Since I'm not the authority on his mental state of mind, I can't make the decision on rather he stays or goes back. Damn it all I say. With all that was gong on, we haven't been back here long enough to take him back. He should have been there at the end of last week, but oh well, he's still with me and that's what I like about things. Maybe we can sleep on this and go talk to Kalin and his doctor in the morning, maybe they will see that he's improved and let him stay.
Now that we're back home again, I want him here with me. He is my family and that's how its supposed to be. I have Briahna with me now and I don't think I'll be able to deal without him by my side like I need him to be. Why is this so hard? I just hope his doctor and Kalin sees that he's improved and that he deserves to be here at home with his family and friends.
"Joe I don't want to go back there to that place," he tells me, moving closer to me, a few tears rolling down his face. "I want to stay here...here with you and Briahna."
"I want you to stay too baby, but I don't think we can continue to avoid taking you back. I'm just surprised that the doctor and Kalin haven't sent someone looking for you already. You know that you've been gone past the time that you were allowed to be gone for. Pretty soon, they'll send someone after you to take you back," I say to him as he realizes what I was saying was true. "If it comes to that, they might not let you out again."
"Maybe you're right baby, I just don't want to go back there," he tells me, still crying as I pull him closer and he lays his head on my chest.
"You know if your doctor had his way, he would have locked you away some place like a prison," I say, rubbing his back. "He didn't want you to go to the sanitarium; he wanted you to go to a high security mental hospital."
"I know baby, Kalin told me about it," he says as I look at him. "She told me that if I didn't get my act together, she would push it forward for me to go to the regular hospital."
"What were you doing for her to tell you that Josh?" I ask him as he sniffled and looked away from my gaze. "Josh?"
"I was a real bitch to her and everyone there," he tells me, sniffling more and wiping his eyes on my shirt. "I thought...thought...you...you didn't love me, so I decided to be mean to people."
"Why would you think something like that Josh? You know I love you more than anything," I tell him, pulling him closer to me and kissing his lips. "If I didn't have you, I don't know what I'd do. I love you Josh, I love you with all of my heart."
"I love you too Joe, but at the time, my mind didn't want to believe it. I was so jealous of all the time you were spending with Nikki and the boys," he tells me as I flicked a stray tear from his cheek. "I thought you didn't want me anymore and that you wanted to be with her and the boys only."
"Josh baby listen to me, I love you. I married you, not her. Nikki was my first love, the mother of my boys and my best friend. She holds a special place in my heart, but her place isn't like yours. You're my husband Josh and don't you ever forget that," I tell him as he smiles at me and then frown.
"But what about those things you told me. What about what you said when..." he says, as I cut him off.
"Josh that's the past, none of that stuff matters. I only said those things in the heat of anger. You were drinking heavily and being a jerk. I thought that if I told you that I'd rather be with her, that it would piss you off," I tell him, remembering that night at the hotel after we were briefed on what Brian and the kidnappers had done to my son. "I didn't really mean it Josh. I was angry, scared and a little bit upset. You weren't helping things acting the way you were. The way you were drinking, you acted as if you didn't care about anything or anyone, only yourself."
"I know I did baby, I'm sorry," he says, sniffling again, hugging me tight. "I didn't mean to act like a jerk. I did care that they kidnapped CJ. I was just jealous of how much Nikki was clinging to you."
"I know that now, but then it didn't seem like you were jealous, just an asshole baby," I tell him, wiping at his eyes. "I was so angry that I would have said anything to get you away from me."
"I know and you did," he says, looking up at me. "But like you said, that's all in the past. We both need to move past that."
"Yes we do Josh. You have to remember that you're the person that I cherish the most. Keep in mind that you're the man I married, the man that I willingly gave my heart, my soul and my body to. Do you really think that tops anything Nikki can offer?" I ask him as he smiles at me.
"No not really baby," he says as we kissed. "I love you Joe."
"I love you too Josh," I tell him as we held on to each other.
Maybe this is the start of our lives going in the right direction now. I'm sure if nothing else goes right in my life, I will always remember this...My time being with Josh was a love to remember.
TO BE CONTINUED...
I don't know any of the members of «N SYNC, Backstreet Boys or any other celebrities mentioned. I don't know anything about their sexual orientation or the orientation of any other celebrities in this story (even though I wish some of them were gay). This story is fiction and you shouldn't take it for anything else but that. This is for entertainment value only folks.