"Get Ready...Tonight...Gonna make this a night [love] to remember." by Shalamar
My Kinda Guy
A Love To Remember
Chapter -- 6
by JT Poole and Nicole Brown
Here we are still sitting here arguing about Kevin quitting the Backstreet Boys. I know he's not happy with what Nick did, but that was no reason for him to quit. I don't know what's going through his mind. I know everything he's told me makes some sense, but you don't quit anything unless you have something to replace it. I don't care if he does have money already, that's not the point.
"Baby I don't see what the big deal is. I will have more time to be with you now and I don't have to build my time with you around anyone else's schedule," he says, leaning in to kiss me.
"The big deal is you quit, you quit doing something that you love doing. You love to sing and perform Kevin. Don't you think you'll grow tired of sitting around with me and want to go back to it?" I ask him.
"I might continue to sing and perform. I don't have to be a member of the Backstreet Boys to do that," he says, waving his finger at me.
"Kevin don't you go trying to pull a Nick and get mad at the world when your project bombs out," I say as he glares at me.
"Are you saying I can't do a solo project and succeed?" He asks me.
"No honey that's not what I'm saying at all. I'm saying don't jump up and try to go solo and get the same kind of treatment Nick got. You saw how much attention he got, do you think you will get more?" I ask him.
"Maybe I can record an album and make it work. I know what to do to get airplay and wide area press coverage," he says, looking over at me.
"What about the other guys Kevin, they need you with them. I have to say that I don't agree with you being away on tour for so long, but your friends need you Kevin. You were wrong for just up and leaving them the way you did." I tell him as he gets up and walks from the room. "Kevin, come back here."
"I don't want to talk about this anymore baby," he says, turning around in the doorway. "Why don't you tell me about your company? When will you start it up?" He asks me, walking back over to the sofa and sitting next to me again. "Come on tell me."
"Nice way of changing the subject handsome," I say laying my head in his lap. "You have to go back to Orlando and make this stuff right. I'll be okay here, honest I will," I say, teasing the hairs on his stomach. "I just don't want you wrecking things with your friends."
"I'm not the one wrecking things baby, Nick is," he says, almost whiny like.
"Me and Justin had a long talk last night and he told me all the hurtful things the both of you said to each other. You both need your asses hogged-whipped three ways from Sunday for that shit. You two are ackin' like cherin."
"What? Why?" Kevin asks, looking down at me.
"Because you two are friends Kevin, best friends and you have been for so long. I don't know what's gotten into both of you, but ya'll need to cut that shit out and now. I'm not going to sit up listening to Justin crying that his husband is sulking around the house because my husband hurt his husband's feelings," I say, pinching his leg as I sit up. "You two need to apologize to each other before this gets way out of hand."
"I'm not apologizing to him baby, he should apologize to me for tricking me into going back to Orlando before I got a chance to see you," he says, frowning. "When he apologizes to me, then I'll apologize to him, but not before then."
"Tell you what baby, either you call him and apologize to him since you're the better man, or I'm going to be pissed with you for a while." I tell him handing him the phone and walking out of the room. "Be quick about it, we have to go back to New York later on for that damn funeral for Michael."
"I'm not going to call him baby," he says, sitting on the sofa pouting.
"So what did you do last night?" Frankie asks walking out onto the patio and sitting in front of Justin. "I didn't hear you come in until way after four this morning."
"We went to the movie like you suggested and that was it man. We parted ways after the movie and I went down to Ricky's and hung out there for a bit," Justin says.
"You were at Ricky's until after four this morning? Are you drinking again Justin?" Frankie asks, looking at Justin closely in the face. "Answer me Justin, are you drinking again?"
"No Frankie, I'm not drinking again. Why do you think that?" Justin asks him.
"Well you are hanging out at Ricky's that's why. You only go there because he lets you drink," Frankie says, forcing Justin to look at him. "Don't try to look away from me damnit!"
"Stop yelling Frankie! I'm not drinking. I told you that," Justin says looking down at the floor.
"What the hell were you doing?" Frankie asks him, looking down as he thinks of how bad Justin was the previous years when he was drinking. "Please tell me Justin."
"I was hanging out with Jon Foster," Justin says, holding his head down. "Why are you thinking the worst Frankie?"
"I know what happens to you when you are down and depressed," Frankie says, hugging Justin. "I don't want you to get too far gone like last time and try to kill yourself again. I don't think I can bear losing you too."
"How are you going to lose me Frankie? We are not together, you're with Aaron now," Justin says, a stray tear traveling down his cheek.
"You are still in my heart Justin. You will always have a place in my heart Justin and you know it," Frankie says, hugging Justin again as Aaron walks out onto the patio behind them.
"Good morning you two," Aaron says, frowning as he watches the display of affection between Frankie and Justin. "Is something wrong?"
"Nothing at all baby, so how did you sleep?" Frankie asks as Justin gets up and walks away from the two of them.
"I slept okay Frankie. Is there something wrong with Justin?" Aaron asks watching Justin walk along the backyard farther away from them.
"He just had a bad night is all." Frankie replies, looking over Aaron's shoulder to see Justin walking along the fence of the backyard. "Don't worry about him. He'll be alright."
"I hope so," Aaron says, still watching Justin as he wonders what transpired between his lover and his lover's best friend.
"Baby you both were wrong for fighting in the first place. He quit because you tricked him the way you did. I am not going to go through this with you again like last night. To me, this matter is closed Nick," Justin says, getting up off the sofa just as the phone rings. "I'll get that, you stay put. Hello?"
"Hi Justin, how's my favorite N Stinker doing?" Justin smiles as he hears Christina's voice.
"I'm fine Chrissy, how are you doing?" Justin asks her, walking over to the sofa, looking at Nick closely and then sitting down.
"I'm doing okay cutie pie. I'm returning your call because I wanted to know what the big favor you wanted to ask me," Christina says as Justin looks at Nick and then looks down.
"Chrissy where are you right now?" Justin asks her.
"Well I'm currently in Knoxville, why?" Christina asks him.
"Well what I want to ask you, I...we would rather...rather talk to you in person," Justin says.
"We? Is there something you and Nicky want to ask me Justin?" Christina asks.
"Yes there is Chrissy, it's kind of complicated, and that's why we would like to ask you in person," Justin says as Nick starts looking at him strangely, wondering what it is that he's talking about.
"Well I don't see that happening anytime soon unless you can wait about a week or so for me to finish my commitments here and then I can possibly fly out there for a few hours before I have to jet off to Michigan," Christina says as Justin starts looking around the room for something.
"Whatever time you can spare to meet us is fine with me Chrissy, you know that. I just don't want to discuss this on the phone," Justin says as he finds his Palm Pilot (everybody's got one) and turns it on. "I'm going to clean out some time for you, so when do you think it's possible that you can fly out here?"
"Let me see...so much going on around here, I might can get out there on the seventh, but if not, then it would be the eleventh." Christina tells him as Justin selects dates in the calendar list.
"That sounds good to me Chrissy. I will make sure that both of us are free on those days so we can have our talk," Justin says smiling at Nick.
"Alright sweetie, I'll call you to let you know which date I'll be available." Christina states as Justin places the device on the table.
"Thanks Chrissy, we'll see you then," Justin says as the two of them chatted some more about other things.
"Honey have you check the mail today?" Kevin asks, walking into the living room where JT was lying on the sofa.
"I went out there earlier, but I don't think the post man had ran yet," JT says, sitting up as Kevin walks past him and opens the door to check the mailbox. "What do we have here... lights, water, gas and cable."
"Oh yeah, like I really want to see the bills," JT says, sitting up now as he looks at the bills that Kevin handed him. "Wait a minute, this isn't a bill, this is a letter and it's from Howard."
"Howard? Howard who?" Kevin asks him.
"Howard Marshall as in attorney at law," JT says, placing the bills on the table as he opens the letter. "Kevin I think you need to get over here."
"What's wrong baby?" Kevin asks, sitting down next to JT.
"From this letter, Howard says that your divorce papers from Kristin never got processed. You're still married to her," JT states, reading the information in the letter. "Here, read for yourself."
"What? I don't fucking believe this. So you're telling me I'm a bigamist?" Kevin asks, reading the rest of the letter. "How the hell did this happen?"
"I don't know, but I'm calling Howard right now," JT says, picking up the phone and dialing some numbers.
"We have to straighten this out and quick. I can't stomach the thought of being married to that bitch. We're not going to Michael's funeral, we have to stay here and fix this," Kevin says, tears forming in his eyes.
"We told Nikki and Howie we would be there, so we're going darn it. Howard is going to fix this, that's for damned sure," JT tells him as he walks back into the bedroom.
"Hey beautiful, how are you two doing over there?" I asked as I turn my attention from the road to my wife. She's been pretty quiet ever since we got up this morning, and I'm reasonably sure I know what's bothering her. "Nervous about seeing Phyllis again?"
"No. I can handle Phyllis," Nikki replied. "I'm more concerned about Tony's sister Janine. She's always had a huge grudge against me, and I just know she's gonna start shit with me today."
"Baby, just stick close to me and Joey," I said calmly, glancing over at her. She's riding along with her hand resting over our baby, and that makes me smile. "I'm not going to let her fuck with you, and neither will Joe. You just relax and let us deal with her and her mother."
"Okay," she says softly, worrying me even more. I decide I need to get her mind off what's going on... and I know just how to do it. "So, have you given any thought to what you want to do to our new house?"
Bingo! She becomes animated; rattling off a list of things she feels we should have in the house. I love some of her ideas, especially her idea for decorating the house in various warm Earth tones. She pulls out a list of decorators in the Orlando area, explaining her concept of what she wants done with the rest of the house and peppering me with questions about the layout of the house. I can't help laughing at her enthusiasm for this, especially when she announces that we have to have the house ready to be moved into before our baby is born.
"But what are we going to do about Tony?" she asks suddenly, turning to me. "I mean, is he going to move in with us, or will he continue to live with JC? I don't care really... but it would be nice to know for sure."
"Liar," I said gently, smirking at her. "You know you love him and you'd give our firstborn to have both of us at home with you. Admit it, you love the way things are right now."
"All right, I love it," she asserted, grinning impishly. "I just want to make sure that things go smoothly with him and JC. I... I just have a weird feeling in the pit of my stomach about that."
"You worry too much Licia," I tell her, picking her hand up and kissing it softly. "So, are we going back to Miami or would you rather head to Orlando to see our new house?"
"Orlando... definitely Orlando!" she exclaims as we come within sight of New York City proper. "Well, here goes nothing!"
Today is one of those somber days where you just wish you didn't have to get up. I wish the events that led up to this day never happened. Michael was a bad man, he really was, but he didn't deserve to die. No one deserves that. Michael did some very bad things in his lifetime to me, Steve, Janine and Nikki, but it seems Kick got the worst of his bad behavior. All those days and nights he beat her to within an inch of her life, and nobody tried to help her except Michael's uncle Carmine and me. Even after learning about all the things that he did to her, I still didn't wish death on him. That wish didn't come until after we found out he had something to do with the kidnapping attempts of my sons. I know I shouldn't have wished death on him, but in my heart, I had no choice in the matter. I wanted my son back home with his parents safe and sound. Now looking back at everything that has happened, I'll have to live with the guilt of knowing that I wished for his death. I'm the reason he's dead now. God answered my heart felt prayer.
Today this place is somewhat in a state of panic and a little bit of war. Hell, Ma is snapping at people right and left and Steve and Janine are having issues of their own. I think they are both pissed about the way things are going with the funeral. My job for right now is to greet people and show them where to go. When the police along with some of JT's security detail showed up she went through the roof so to speak.
Things are getting ready to start and I haven't seen Howie or Nikki. She called me earlier and told me that they were almost here. I hope nothing happened to them on the way here. I know she would like to be here so she could have some closure to that chapter of her life. I think we all would like some closure on Michael.
"Good morning sir, right this way," I say, leading Governor George Pataki and his wife Libby towards the back were the ceremony would be held.
"Hello and welcome to the memorial services for my son Michael David Valente," Phyllis Fatone said, pausing to wipe a tear from her eyes before continuing. "I want to thank you all for coming, but this service is going to be short since I have already cremated my son's body. None of you loved him the way I did, so none of you deserve the right to mourn for him! None of you cared about him... least of all that little whore he was married to! It's her fault my son is dead, and if there's any justice in this world, she would suffer just as much as he did."
As Nikki sat there, her face burning with mortification, Joey and Steve hurried to the front, trying to get their mother to sit down before she embarrassed the family even more, but Phyllis was not finished. "No! I'm not done with that little bitch! She's brought nothing but pain into my family ever since the first day you brought her home Joey! She caused this! Don't you see? She lusted after another man the whole time she was married... and she ruined my beautiful boy! She made him turn away from God and lie with a man!" Phyllis stopped, deadly calm as she looked Nikki squarely in the eyes, vowing, "You just wait Nicole... I'll make you pay for hurting my Michael if it's the last thing I ever do!"
"Ma! That's enough damn it! Michael was a sick fuck who poisoned everything and everyone he touched! How the hell can you blame Kick for any of this when he almost killed her before your grandsons were born? You saw with your own two eyes how he treated her! How can you say this to her?" Joey fumed, eyes filling as he turned to the crowd who were staring at the unfolding scene with rapt attention. "I'm sorry you all had to witness this, but my brother wasn't the saint my mother is trying to make him out to be. Truth be told, Michael was a lousy wife-abusing bastard who got off on the pain he inflicted. I'm the man his wife turned to, and because of his insane jealousy of something he could never have; he almost killed my sons when Nicole was pregnant. So if there's anybody to blame for Michael's death, it's Michael himself, not Nikki, not me."
"That's a lie! Michael would never hurt Nicole! He loved her!" Phyllis screamed, fighting to get free of Steve's iron-like embrace. "She cheated on him and it drove him crazy! He loved her!"
"That's a lie and you know it Phyllis," another voice spoke up from the crowd. Carmine Pentangeli, Michael's uncle stood and made his way to where the rest of the family was standing. "Michael was rotten from the day his mother, God rest her soul, died and left him with that drunken bastard she married. I knew all the things he was doing to Nicole because she would call me every single day, crying because he had beaten her, begging me to help her. And God help me, but I allowed it to continue because I didn't think it was my place to interfere in my nephew's marriage... until the night he tried to kill her. It was only then I stepped in and tried to do something. So you leave Nicole out of your twisted visions of revenge, because if you do anything else to hurt her, you answer to me!"
"Get her in the house before she causes anymore drama," Joey hissed to Steve, who practically dragged a still resisting Phyllis into the house. Turning back to the crowd, he said, "Please, feel free to have some refreshments and food. And again, I'm sorry about all this."
This has been one of the craziest memorial services it has ever been my misfortune to sit through. Phyllis' hatred of me knows no bounds it seems. I'm glad Uncle Carmine was here though. At least it gave her the chance to hear about some of the horrible shit Michael did to me from someone she actually respects... or rather someone she fears. Uncle Carmine is not the type of man you accuse of lying to save someone else's reputation, and he's damned sure not the type you talk back to. He's a very powerful, well-respected member of the community here in Bensonhurst, and he's the one person it would do you well never to cross. I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned to see him smiling at me.
"Hi Uncle Carmine," I said, hugging him tight. He returned the hug, kissing my cheek when he finally released me. "It's good to see you. How is Aunt Rosalie?"
"She's good," he replied, smiling at the mention of his wife's name. "Told me to make you promise to come see her and bring those boys of yours to see her soon. Even if they aren't Mike's kids, I still consider them my nephews.."
"I'll try to come before I leave Bensonhurst," I promised, grinning as I looked around for Howie and the boys. "Would you like to meet them now?"
"I'd like that very much," Carmine replied, smiling as he watched the boys playing around Howie's legs, but then turning serious...almost somber eyes on me again. "But first I just wanted to say how sorry I am that I didn't step in sooner to stop Michael from hurting you. I just didn't think he would go as far as he did and..."
"It's okay," I interrupted, smiling at him. "All that really matters is that you helped when I really needed you... and I thank you for getting him professional help then. Even if he did fall off the wagon, it was nice not to be his punching bag for the little time that he was sober, ya know? And besides, I have a new life now, and I couldn't be happier! So come on Uncle C, let's go meet your nephews!"
"Wait Nicole, there's something else I wanted to tell you," Carmine stated, grabbing my arm to stop me from moving. "You be careful of Phyllis. She's angry with you right now, and there's no telling what she might cook up to hurt you with. I meant what I said to her, but if you need me, all you have to do is call me and I'll be there to help you as much as I can."
"Don't worry about me Uncle Carmine," I stated firmly. "Phyllis doesn't scare me. Hell, if Michael didn't destroy me, then I'll be damned if I let Phyllis and her insane need for vengeance do it. Now, let's go meet my boys."
"No mom I'm alright. Don't worry about me right now, I'll be okay," I say, walking through the front door of my and Joey's house. "It's that stupid cow Nikki that's not going to be alright."
"Josh, stop that kind of talk. I didn't raise you that way," Karen, JC's mother says as I drop my bags on the floor. "For the last few minutes all you've told me was that Joey doesn't love you anymore, that he's leaving you for Nicole. Why would Joey do something like that? Doesn't he still love you? Has he told you he didn't love you?"
"I don't know mom and right now I really don't care anymore. If he loved me like he said he did, he would have been by my side and not hers. I swear..." I start, but mom interrupts me.
"Stop that Josh, don't swear," she says to me, getting angrier by the minute with me as I continue to complain about Joey. "Maybe you're understanding things wrong."
"No I'm not understanding things wrong mom. He's been with her since before we arrived in New York. When all of this started in Paris, he went to her and ignored me. I haven't seen him much since then," I say, tears streaming down my face now. "He just doesn't love me anymore. He made a big fool of me."
"Now, now Josh, his child was kidnapped. I don't think you can understand what was going through his mind during that time. He's been preoccupied with finding his child and making sure he's safe back with its mother," she says trying to convince me that Joey was reacting on parental instinct.
"Mom they found the baby a couple of days ago. I tried to talk to him and he just...he just kept on going like I didn't exist. It's all Nikki's fault. Whenever she's around, I don't exist to him. I'm his husband darn it, he should have ran to me for support when all of this happened, instead of running away from me. What kind of husband runs out on the love of his life unless that person isn't the love of his life no longer...could you tell me that mom?" I ask her, sitting down on the sofa and kicking off my shoes and flinging my blazer across the room.
"Josh honey, please calm down. Don't upset yourself anymore than you already are. Things will be all right. Just believe in the love you two share," she says as I start crying harder now. "Josh honey please..."
"He doesn't love me. That love is lost mom," I say hanging up the phone, tossing it on the sofa as I get up and walk up the stairs to our bedroom.
Walking into the room, I unbutton my shirt and take it off while undoing my pants and letting them fall to the floor as I walk over to the dresser and pull out something to sleep in. I know it's the middle of the day, but I don't care anymore. I'm just going to go take me a nice warm bath and try to let these troubles wash away.
I can't put up with that damn heffa being here. Hasn't she caused enough problems for everyone in this family? First Joey, then Michael and God knows how many other people she's hurt in her fucking life. That bitch is going down and now! If Joey refuses to see that she's trouble, I'll have to take matters into my own hands and do the job.
"You bitch!" I shout at her, walking up to her and her Backstreet Boy husband. "Why did you even bother to show your face here?"
"Well hello to you to Janine," she says, turning around to look at me. "It's a very lovely day we're having here isn't it?"
"Lovely day? Are you smarting off to me bitch?" I ask her as she releases the little boy's hand, allowing him to walk over to her husband.
"D please take the children over to...shoot I don't care just take them away from over here. I don't want them hearing this kind of language," she tells the man as he kisses her on the cheek and walks away from her with both boys by the hand. "Look here Janine, I'm not in the mood right now for anything you have to say right now. I don't care if you don't like the fact that I came here, I came out of respect for Joey, Phyllis and the rest of you crazy ass freaks..."
"Bitch!" I scream, smacking her in the face as she flinches away from me.
"Ah hell naw!" She screams as she balls her hands up and narrows her eyes on me.
"Oh shit!" Her husband shouts, looking down at the little boys, turning their faces away from the two of us. "No Nikki! No Nikki No!!!!"
"Owwww!" I scream, backing up on the ground as she starts walking towards me, smacking her fist into her palm.
"What did I tell you I would do to you the last time you stepped up to me?" She asks me, still walking towards me as I backed up against the Gazebo's steps.
"Stay away from me you crazy bitch!" I shout at her as Joey, Steve and some of the security guys come running around the corner to where we were.
"I told you that if you stepped to me like that again, I was going to whoop your ass like a government mule!" She screams, kicking my leg as she got up close to me. "You were fucking warned!"
"Nikki stop!" Joey shouts, walking up behind her.
"Tony stay out of this!" She screams at him as a black man steps up to her.
"Get ready bitch, I'm gonna beat your ass!" She shouts, grabbing me by the straps on my dress and pulling me up off the ground as she draws back to hit me.
"Nikki don't hit her," the black man says to her.
"JT mind your bizness right now. This is between me and this heffa," she says, shaking me in her arms.
"Come on Nikki, let it go. She's grieving for her no account brother," The black man tells her. "Don't do this today. Let her be the only fool here, don't act like her."
"This bitch ain't grieving! She's hated me ever since I came into Tony's life," she says, letting me go and kicking me again. "You're lucky JT's my friend, because if not, I would have ignored him and beat your skanky ass."
"Calm down Kick, don't do this. Listen to JT's, he's right." Joey states, helping the black man drag her away struggling to get back to me.
That girl is very rude. It's clear that she's just as bad as Phyllis and Steve. Hell the way she's acting reminds me of Michael right now. To think Michael's really adopted, I guess it's more about nurture than nature when it comes to these Fatones. Out of the whole bunch, Joey's the only civil acting one. Is he really the adopted one and the others are adopted? I guess it's because he's been in the spotlight and all. Then again, I don't think Nikki would have dated him if he acted like them.
"What's going on baby?" Kevin asks as Joey and me escort Nikki over to our table.
"Just trying to gain order back here again," I say, looking down at Nikki as CJ walks over to me, and hugs my leg. "Hi there little man."
"Aye Unca Jaytee," he says, sucking his finger into his mouth.
"Hello CJ," Kevin says, kneeling down in front of the little boy and patting him on the shoulder as he moves away from Kevin and hides behind me.
"I'm sorry Kev, he's still shy around other men," Nikki says, picking CJ up and sitting him in her lap.
"It's okay Nikki, I understand," he says, hugging me, kissing me on the cheek and then walking away.
"Kevin where are you going?" I ask him, smiling at the guys and then walking over to him. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah I'm fine, I'm just glad that the menace formerly known as Michael is finally dead," he says, turning to me and then hugging me. "I love you so much JT. If it wasn't for the love we share, I would've taken it upon myself to kill Michael for all the pain he's caused you and me. All the time we've lost because of him hurting you and other people. Both of your shootings, the problems with Nikki and the babies, everything he's responsible for, caused people to suffer. I'm glad he's dead."
"Kevin you didn't need to say that," I say, looking at him closely, wiping his tears away as he kisses me.
"I'm sorry baby, but why lie about something like that? I'm really glad he's gone. He can't hurt you, Nikki or anyone else for that matter ever again." He tells me, pulling me down into his lap. "We've been through too much shit since we found each other and I'm tired of it baby."
"I know you are Kevin, but being glad someone's dead isn't a good thing. I agree that he won't be able to hurt anyone else, but I'm not glad he's dead. I know there have been times that I mighta wished he was, but death is something you don't play with. Death claims people on wishes not deservance and need." I tell him as he looks at me like I was out of my mind.
"I so didn't understand you just said JT," he says, smiling. "All I got out of that last part was that Death something or another, that's it. Say that again baby."
"I said Death claims people on wishes, not on deservance and need." I tell him.
"Is deservance really a word baby?" He asks me.
"Hmmm, hell I don't know," I say, looking up at him. "It sounds like a word to me."
"Well as for this deservance, we don't deserve having to deal with that bitch Kristin. I don't know what she did, but I know she's responsible for us not getting divorced. I filed the correct paperwork months before me and you ever met."
"Well I say don't worry about a thing Kev, I'm sure Howard can fix all of this," I say as Joey, Howie, Nikki and the boys walk over to where we were sitting.
"Are you two okay?" Nikki asks, sitting down next to Kevin and me. "The guests are almost gone. When are you going back to Albany?"
"Actually we're not going back to Albany; we have a flight back to Orlando today in a bit," I tell her as Kevin looks up at me in surprise. "Yeah we going back to Orlando and you and Nick are going to fix your issues. I overheard how you two were talking after I told you to bury the hatchet baby."
"Yeah well you wouldn't let me bury that hatchet upside his head," he states, glaring at me.
"Hey now, don't be trying to hurt our band mate," Howie says, patting Kevin on the back.
"I wouldn't try to hurt him if he wouldn't have done the things he did yesterday," Kevin says, looking over at Howie.
"Well you two can work it out when we get to Orlando tonight," I tell him as I get up out of his lap and kiss him.
"We can't leave, we didn't pack anything," He says, looking like a lost child.
"That's where you're wrong handsome. Remember I walked out of the house a lot this morning. I was loading the trunk with all the stuff we need. So you have no excuses of not going back to Orlando. I know how you think Kev." I say as everyone around starts laughing at him.
"Snap, he got you there, Kev," Howie says, still laughing as Kevin glares at him. "Come on baby, let's blow this joint too."
"Can't do nothing no mo," Kevin says, looking at me like he was mad, and then smiles. "I still love you."
"I still love you too handsome. Come on let's get out of this place before any more drama starts." I tell him, as we walk towards the rental car hand-in-hand.
This has been one of those afternoons. I was hoping things would've gone smoothly, but Ma and Janine wrecked that. I don't know why Ma is still holding a grudge against Kick like that. She has seen and heard first hand how Michael treated her when the police were investigating him in the kidnapping of our child. I just don't get why she can't let those lies fall. I'm going to go check on Ma and see if she's doing better than she was before we had to end the ceremony earlier.
Walking up the stairs to her room, I feel a wave of sadness pass through me. I don't know why I feel so sad all of a sudden, it's an unexplainable feeling. Maybe it's just my nerves and the events of this day. I just hope Ma can find it in her heart to let all of this revenge stuff go like Carmine said.
"Ma? Ma can I come in?" I ask, tapping on her bedroom door. "Ma, please let me in."
"What is it that you want Joseph?" She asks, turning away from me. "There's nothing I have to say to you. You've turned your back on me and the rest of your family."
"No I haven't turned my back on you or anyone else for that matter. Nikki is as much my family as the rest of you are, if not more. She's the mother of my children," I tell her.
"She's a whore is what she is!" She screams, shaking her head back and forth. "Why?"
"Why what Ma?" I ask her,
"Why did you have to bring that woman into our lives?" She asks me.
"I love her Ma and ..." I tell her as she interrupts me.
"She doesn't love you! If you haven't noticed, she married another man Joseph. You turned your back on us for her," she tells me, still shaking her head. "I can't understand why you would take the word of a drug dealing whore over your own brother."
"Ma I'm not going to argue with you again about Nikki. You know as well as I do that Michael told you lies about her. Why are you trying to bring up those lies again?"
"Get out! Get out right now! From this point forward, I have no son," she says, pointing at the door, not looking up at me. "Until you can see that she's a lying, despicable, deceitful and whorish wench, I don't want to see or hear from you again. Is that clear Joseph?"
"Fine Ma, whatever. I guess this is goodbye then. I still love you Ma." I tell her as I kiss her on the cheek and walk out. (The last kiss, no pun intended)
Why is it that I'm a married man and I'm always alone God? Why is it that every time I look around, I'm the one that's getting left out or pushed to the side? What did I do wrong God? I need an answer here. I don't know what to do anymore. Life...life just doesn't seem to be worth living anymore if I can't have the man I fell in love with so many years ago. Is this my punishment for sinning against you? Give me the man I love, only to have a woman come back into his life from his past, a woman that he has kids with. That's always been his dream God; he's always wanted to have a family with kids. I guess you gave him what he wanted... and I guess that wasn't me.
"Maybe Nikki's right, maybe I don't deserve to be with Joe," I say, standing up in the bathtub. "Maybe I just need to let him go and let him be happy with her. It seems that's what he wants. Is that the right answer God?"
Stepping out of the tub and walking over to the bathroom sink; I open the medicine cabinet and look around in side for my escape. Pushing things around in the small confines of the cabinet, I find what I'm looking for and close the door back. Looking at myself in the mirror, I see the man that I have become and I also see the man that I will never be.
"Maybe if I'm out of the way, things will be better for everyone. If I'm not here, maybe things will be better for me, wherever I end up. I hope they have a happy life together. God please keep the man that I love in your glorious grace for as long as he lives." I say aloud as I walk back over to the tub and step back in.
"Joey I will always love you," I say as I look at my escape in my hands and lay my head back as I see images of all the good times we shared. "I will always love you Joey Fatone Chasez."
Sinking down in the tub, I think of a song by Whitney Houston that has always been dear to me..
"If I should stay,
I would only be in your way.
So I'll go, but I know
I'll think of you ev'ry step of the way.
And I will always love you.
I will always love you.
You, my darling you. Hmm.
that is all I'm taking with me.
So, goodbye. Please, don't cry.
We both know I'm not what you, you need.
And I will always love you.
I will always love you..." I sang as darkness surrounded me.
TO BE CONTINUED...
Author's Note: I Will Always Love You by Whitney Houston. I don't own the song, nor did I write it.
I don't know any of the members of «N SYNC, Backstreet Boys or any other celebrities mentioned. I don't know anything about their sexual orientation or the orientation of any other celebrities in this story (even though I wish some of them were gay). This story is fiction and you shouldn't take it for anything else but that. This is for entertainment value only folks.