Date: Thu, 14 Sep 2000 12:30:33 EDT From: Garrett Sparks Subject: Next Window Please - Chapter 16 Here is the next chapter...the conclusion if you will to this story arc...keep sending the feedback! You know the disclaimer - no illegal viewing and this story in no way implies the sexual preferences of any of the people mentioned here, straight or gay...Enjoy! Chapter 16 - I really do adore you "Nick Carter? You think Nick Carter is gay?" Lance laughed at Drew's suggestion, although it did make him think. Nick wasn't really Lance's type - he never really had a thing for blondes, even though he himself was one. In fact, he really didn't think much about the Backstreet Boys at all. It wasn't that the two groups were fighting, but they just seemed to take themselves so seriously while he and the other NSYNCers were just enjoying the ride. Drew sat down next to Lance on the bed in his small hotel room, "Well, either him or Howie. They're the only two who aren't married or have serious girlfriends". Lance corrected him, "A marriage or engagement to a women does not a straight man make. It's amazing how many gay guys are bearded in this business". "It's all part of the fame game, my friend," Drew lamented. "I just think it's funny you have a crush on Nick Carter," Lance joked. "And why is that? He's cute," Drew responded. "Yeah, but he just doesn't seem your type. I see you with some muscular stud". Drew leaned into Lance, "You think I would date someone like Stone Cold Steve Austin?". "Maybe not that bulky," Lance replied. He was feeling a lot better. Drew and him had come up to the room and just started talking, mostly about unimportant things, like BSB. He hadn't brought up the whole Josh thing yet. He knew it was coming - that was the reason he came up here after all - but, it still hurt him to think of all the awful things that JC had said to him earlier that evening. "Want another Coke or something?" Drew asked. Lance shook his head, "Naw. Although I'm glad I drank something besides tequila. I don't really drink". Drew got serious, "Wanna talk about JC now?" Lance hesitated, "I guess. It's nothing really. Just a stupid fight." Lance went on to tell the story of JC's possible paternity and how they had a huge blowout. Lance felt the tears coming, but held back, "I really don't even know what the fight was about. It just sorta happened". Drew cleared his throat, "Look, I know you love him and all; but, sometimes love isn't what is needed. JC obviously just needed some space and time alone and to be frank with you, you didn't give it to him". Lance appreciated Drew's bluntness, but still didn't like hearing it, "I know. I just hate it when he's hurt and I want to help get rid of it". "I can't really say for sure, but it seems like he has to work through this by himself. He probably has a million emotions running through his head right now and dealing with other people - even you - is just added pressure". Drew was right. Lance should've backed off, but he still made the point, "He shouldn't have said those things to me though". Drew agreed, "I know, and he should apologize." "I don't know. He was pretty angry. He's never been that mad at anyone before. You didn't see his eyes." Drew put his hand on Lance's knee, "Do you think he wants to break up". Lance stood, "No...I don't know really. He told me if this kid is his, he might not have room for me in his life". Drew got up and went to Lance, "I saw the way he looked at you in the club last night. He's not about to let you go, Lance. Trust me." Lance half-assed smiled at Drew, "Can we discuss something happier now?" "Sure,' Drew began, "What would you like to talk about?" Lance thought for a second, "I'm all for getting back to this Backstreet Boy thing". Drew moaned, "Not again!" and threw a pillow at Lance, smacking him square in the jaw. Lance fell back onto the bed. Drew ran up and began beating him with the pillow. Lance tried fighting back, but Drew was obviously a master pillow-fighter and thwarted his attempts. Finally, Lance screamed uncle and Drew let up, sitting next to him on the bed, trying to catch him breath. Lance sat up quickly, not realizing how close Drew was. They bumped heads, causing both guys to wince in pain. Drew rubbed his head and looked at Lance, who was doing the same. He placed his hand over Lance's boo-boo and began rubbing it. Lance looked up and saw Drew had gotten a serious expression on his face. Before Lance knew what he was doing, he had leaned in and had drawn Drew into a kiss. It was passionate and as Lance tore hungrily into Drew, his stomach became increasingly more upset. After what seemed like an eternity, but was really only a minute, Drew pushed Lance away. "No, man. This isn't right. You don't want to do this" Drew continued ranting and Lance sat there, speechless. He had never felt more guilty before in his life. The dream guilt was nothing compared to this and he felt sick about it. He got up and looked at Drew, "I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking". Drew took a deep breath and exhaled, "You got that right. You love JC and vice-versa. There was nothing right about what just happened." Lance sat down, "What have I done?" Drew sat next to him, "It's okay. You made a mistake". "I have to tell him," Lance blurted out. Drew said nothing, but smiled at him reassuringly. Lance got up, "I'm so sorry". Drew walked Lance to the door, "I know and JC will understand if you decide to tell him. Now, you had better go." Lance walked out into the hallway as Drew said goodnight. He wandered down the hall, mentally kicking himself. He got on the elevator and pushed the button for his floor. He wasn't sure if he should tell JC tonight or not. He hated the thought of waiting and knew it might piss him off more, but JC had too much to deal with right now. He didn't need that. Lance felt a crying spell coming on again and this time, he didn't stop the tears. Lance edged out of the elevator and wiped his face. He tried his best to compose himself before he walked in the suite. Chris, Joey and Justin were all sitting there and jumped up when Lance walked in. "Man," Justin said as he smiled at Lance, "Where the heck have you been?" Joey jumped in, "Yeah, we've been looking all over for you". Lance at first thought they were looking because they were worried, but their faced were beaming and Lance was confused. Chris turned to the bedroom Lance and JC shared, "Hey, Chasez! He's back!" JC burst out of the bedroom and ran to Lance, embracing him. Lance wondered for a second if he had entered the Twilight Zone, but before he could say anything, JC smiled at him, "Come on, we need to talk". JC led Lance into the bedroom and shut the door. He sat Lance on the bed and pulled up a chair so they were sitting directly opposite each other. Lance finally asked, "What is going on?" JC smirked, "Well, I found out I'm not a father". Lance didn't smile back, "You already took the test? I thought that took days or something". JC put a hand on Lance's knee, "I don't have to take a test. The whole thing was a hoax," JC saw the confusion in Lance's face and continued, "After you left, I got to thinking about the meeting and something that Chris, of all people, said. He mentioned that if this thing got out it would quash any gay rumors. Then, I thought about how convenient it was that this thing happened so soon after the management found out. You remember how Mike said they were going to try and make us look straight?" Lance interrupted, "Wait a sec. Are you saying they concocted this whole thing as a PR ploy?" JC nodded, "Yeah. I called Mike on the phone and confronted him and he admitted everything. Boy, did I ream him a new asshole". Lance smiled lightly and JC caught it, "I'm glad to see you're finally seeing the happy ending to this". Lance looked away and got up, saying nothing. He heard JC sigh. Sure, this thing might be over, but JC still said some awful things to him and there was also the lingering guilt of the kiss with Drew. JC got up and walked behind Lance, laying his head on his shoulders, "I really need to apologize to you. I was horrible". Lance agreed, "That's putting it mildly". JC turned Lance around, "I don't know what I was thinking. I was just as confused". Lance got stern, "That still doesn't make what you did right". JC breathed heavily, "I know, but I think I can explain. You see, I've just gotten used to the idea of being 'out' and open about being gay and then my heterosexual past comes back to haunt me and it causes me to think about the choices I've made". Lance looked at JC, "Being gay isn't a choice". JC sat down on the bed, "I know that. That's not what I meant. I just began to question if this - you, me, being together - was worth it. I wondered if maybe going back in the closet would be easier in the long run". Lance sat next to him, "And what'd you decide?" JC looked at Lance and kissed him on the forehead, "I decided that nothing is more important than you. I can deal with whatever life throws my way as long as you are with me. I didn't mean it when I said I wouldn't have room for you if I had a kid. I don't think I would feel like a whole person if you weren't there with me, Lance. Screw the management". Lance laid back on the bed, "I can't believe they would do something like this to us?" JC laid next to him, putting his head on Lance's chest, "Don't worry. I think I scared Mike so bad, he shat his pants. They won't be bothering us anymore. Just as long as we remain discreet". Lance sighed, "I wish we didn't have to. I just wish we could be together and open about it". JC began kissing Lance on the neck, "Some day we will." He slowly began sucking on Lance's Adam's Apple, causing Lance to get slightly aroused. "Do you forgive me?" JC asked as he moved to Lance's ear. Lance whimpered a yes and relaxed. JC made his way to Lance's mouth and began kissing him hungrily. Lance closed his eyes and suddenly saw another face kissing him: Drew's! Lance sat up, causing JC to fall off the bed. JC got up and stared at his boyfriend, "What's wrong?" Lance looked at JC, "Oh, God. I have to tell you now. No matter what happens". JC sat back on the carpet, looking at Lance, "What happened?" Lance slowly began telling his tale: how he went to the bar and met Drew and went to his room. At that point, JC got very interested and stood up with his arms crossed. Lance went on, "We were playing around when it happened". JC's face suddenly got serious, "Did you sleep with him?" Lance stood up, "No! Never! But...we did kiss." JC stood there for a minute and then started walking to the door, "I'm gonna kill that bastard. I can't believe he would kiss you". Lance stopped him, "Wait, Josh. Drew didn't kiss me. I kissed him". JC stopped and turned around, his mouth open in shock. Lance went to him and grabbed his hands, "He pushed me away and I immediately realized it was wrong. It was just a kiss". JC slowly removed Lance's hands and opened the door, "I need to not be around you for a little while, Lance". He turned and walked out of the door. Lance went out into the living room, remembering what Drew had said about giving him space. He just hoped Josh could forgive him. He wouldn't blame him if he didn't. Lance was sitting in the living room, talking to Justin. Chris and Joey had gone to bed already and even thought Justin looked tired, he was appreciative that he was staying up listening to his troubles and he told him so. Justin grinned, "Oh, I don't mind. You guys are my best buds. I really want this thing between you guys to work out." Lance laid his head back on the couch and exhaled, "Man, why do I have to fuck up everything?" Justin answered, "I think this whole thing has involved fuck-ups on both sides, Lance". Just then, the suite door opened and JC walked in. Lance could tell he had been crying, but the anger was also still the dominant emotion on his face. Justin got up, "Well, I believe this is my cue to go to bed. G'Night guys". JC and Lance waved good night to Justin. JC looked at Lance and sat down on one of the chairs. Lance didn't want to say anything, so JC started, "I want this thing to work out Lance. I love you so much and I don't want some little petty thing like this to end it." Lance leaned forward, "Me neither. And I know it's gonna take time for us to work through this. I just want you to know that when I kissed Drew, it wasn't sexual at all. I don't know if it was anger, vulnerability or what, but it had nothing to do with feeling. I can't tell you how sorry I am, Josh". Josh laughed, "It seems all we've been doing these last few days is apologize to each other". Lance got up and went to JC, "I've been thinking." JC sat up, "Yeah?" Lance thought about the right words to say, "I just think that both of us have sort of been living in the moment and trying to deal with so many outside forces, we haven't been working on making this relationship strong. To make things work, it takes time and patience and there's been so much shit happening, we haven't gone there yet". JC nodded, "I see what you're saying. When a new relationship starts, you have to nurture it for it to fully work and we haven't been able to do that". Lance suggested, "Maybe we need some time alone. Just the two of us". JC agreed, "I would like that. Time away from everyone, including the guys". Lance hushed him, "Be careful about saying that. You know how touchy Chris is". JC smiled, "I love you Lance". JC pulled him into a hug. Lance, for the first time in a few days, felt good about things again, "Me too". JC got up, pulling Lance with him, leading him into the bedroom. They slowly got undressed and lay down on the bed next to each other. Lance began kissing him on his bare chest, but JC pushed him away. "You're gonna get me hot and bothered, Mr. Bass," JC stated. Lance grinned, "I thought that was the plan". JC kissed Lance on the lips, "I was wondering if maybe for tonight, we could just hold each other". Lance said nothing, but instead put his arms around JC and pulled him closely, feeling the warmth of his semi-nude body pressed against him own. As he drifted off to sleep, he could honestly think of no place he would rather be. This is shorter than usual, but it wrapped up the story. I will get back to the happy times in the next chapter...full of love and other stuff.