I gave you all the love I
got...I gave you more than I could give...I gave you love...I gave you all that I have inside
And you took my love...You took my love...I keep crying...I keep crying...I keep trying for you...There's nothing like you and I baby...This is no ordinary love...No ordinary love...This is no ordinary love...No ordinary love -- Sade
No Ordinary Love
Chapter 4, Part C
by JT Poole and Nikki Brown
I'm glad that this night is finally over now. There's only so much stuff you can hear and put up with when you're working with limited energy. I'm tired and this bed is the best thing on this earth that God could have invented. I must say that Justin shocked the hell out of me and Lance tonight. When he told us that he slept with Nick Carter, that little bit of information blew my mind. Then come to find out that JT already knew he was gay and that he had seen Justin and Josh in compromising positions in the past. That husband of mine has been keeping a whole lot of secrets it seems. But on a good note, Justin apologized to all of us for how he had been acting for the last couple of years. He explained that he only acted that way because Jive wanted him to. Sounds like a bunch a bull to me, but with recent events, sounds like something Johnny would orchestrate. Johnny is going to get his, he just wait and see. When he least expects it, someone, possibly me is going to bust his ass.
Oh well, I'm in bed now and JT is in the bathroom finishing up. Since coming upstairs, he's been a little bit standoffish towards me. I think he's mad with me because he found out that I had been talking to Doctor Lansing behind his back. I can understand why he would be upset, but he has to see things from my point of view. This has been a very shaky year for us and a whole lot of shit has happened. I honestly feel that he's not handling things well. From what Nikki told me about the talk she and Skye had, I'm still not completely satisfied that things are going okay with JT. If our seven year old son can see that he's acting strange, that's a problem that needs to be dealt with and soon.
This is the holiday season and it seems every year since we've been together, like clockwork, some stupid shit happens. It's like our marriage is cursed to have bad luck during the holidays or something. I don't care what holiday or occasion it is, some stupid shit, mainly something involving Kate happens. I just wonder what she's going to try to pull this year. With the crap she pulled this past summer, I wouldn't put anything past her. It's Christmas Eve and I'm surprised nothing's happening right now, but then again, its only one in the morning. What's taking JT so long in the bathroom? He's been in there for a while now. I don't want to have to send a search party in there for him.
"Baby are you alright?" I call out as he opens the door and raises an eye at me.
"I was brushing my teeth. Is that a crime Christopher?" He asks, looking at me as he wiped his mouth and walked over to the bed. I guess he is mad with me, he called me Christopher.
"No it's not a crime baby," I say as he got into bed and pulled the covers up over his body. "Baby I'm sorry."
"Sorry for what? Hmmm?" He asks, looking at me in the face now. "Sorry for talking to the doc behind my back? Is that what you sorry for Christopher?"
"Yea it is baby," I tell him as he sighs and turns away from me. "Baby please turn back around."
"What?" He asks, turning back around.
"Don't turn away from me. You know I love you and I'll never do anything to hurt you. I've just been worried about you is all," I tell him as he rolls his eyes, moving to turn over again. "Baby please."
"Why are you worried about me for?" he asks, sitting up in bed now.
"You've been acting strange baby," I tell him as he watches me closely. "Well you have been."
"How so Christopher?" He asks me, crossing his arms over his chest.
"The week before we left to go to Japan, remember how you would get upset about all the little things that were happening? You were crying and angry for mainly nothing baby," I say as he turned and looked away from me. "You also got so upset that you wouldn't talk to anyone, hell you had Lance thinking you were going to do something drastic."
"Well I wasn't going to do anything drastic," he says, a few tears falling from his eyes.
"We don't know that baby. When you cut the rest of us out of your life like that, we don't now what's going through your mind baby," I tell him as he looks at me. "Baby I'm scared for you. I've been noticing changes within your personality and even our son has noticed it. You know something has to be wrong when Skye thinks you're gonna die."
"We already talked about that Christopher," he says, wiping his eyes.
"I know we did baby, but nothing changes the fact that you're acting strange and it's affecting our child," I tell him as he looked over at me like I had stabbed him or something.
"How dare you," he says, hopping out of bed and grabbing his robe as he went.
"Baby? Baby wait," I call out as he opens the door and walks out of the room.
"Don't baby me," he says, walking down the stairs speedily.
"Come on baby, come back to bed," I say as he growls and walks into the kitchen, turning on the light and opening the refrigerator door.
"Just go back upstairs and leave me alone Christopher," he says, sitting down at the table with a small container of Ben & Jerry's© Fudge Ripple ice cream. "I don't want to see you right now."
"Come on JT stop this," I tell him as he looks at me, opens the ice cream and then starts eating.
"Christopher just go away. You've hurt me enough for the night," he says, a few tears falling from his eyes.
"I wasn't trying to hurt you baby," I tell him as he spooned more ice cream into his mouth.
"Could have fool me Christopher," he says, glaring at me as he got up from the table and walked into the family room. "Just leave me alone."
"No baby, I'm not going to leave you alone," I tell him as he sits down on the sofa and picks up the remote, turning on the television.
"You'll leave me alone or else," he says as he glared at me again.
"Fine then," I say, throwing up my hands and walking back into the kitchen to go back up the stairs.
This is just great! Tomorrow's Christmas and here we are on Christmas Eve fighting. I wasn't trying to hurt him, but he doesn't care about that. I'm glad Sam is on her way here today. When she called and said she would be arriving early in the morning, that was the best news I could've heard. Right now, since he's not talking to me, at least I know he'll talk to her. He needs his sister around. Besides me, she's the only other person on the planet that can keep him somewhat acting sane.
"They are fighting again Brad," Skye says, climbing out of his bed and tipping over to the door. "I told you something was wrong."
"Oh go back to bed you big babee," Brad grumbles, rolling over as Skye walked over to him and poked him. "Owww, whadda ya do that for? I'm gonna tell dad in the morning."
"I'm not a big babee you meanie beast," Skye says, crossing his arms in front of his chest. "I'm gonna tell daddy you called me a big babee again. They already told you to stop picking on me."
"I wouldn't pick on you if you didn't act like a big babee, you big babee," Brad says as Skye turned away from him with tears in his eyes.
"Meanie beast!" Skye screamed as he got back into bed.
"Be quiet before you get us into trouble you brat," Brad says, sitting up in bed now as Skye climbed back into his bed, crying softly now.
"Leave me alone Bradley," Skye says, pulling the covers over his head. "Just go back to sleep or sumthin."
"Oh whatever," Brad says, turning on the light and getting out of the bed. "I'm going to the bathroom."
"I don't care where you go. I don't like you no more," Skye says as Brad shrugs and walks into the bathroom to do his business.
"What's going on in here?" Chris asks, walking into the room. "Why do I hear talking in here? You two...where's your brother Skye?"
"I'm in the bathroom dad," Brad says as the toilet flushes and he comes back into the room.
"Why are you two up at this time of night?" Chris asks, sitting on Skye's bed as the little boy started wiping at his eyes.
"Ask the big babee there, he woke me up," Brad says, getting back into bed.
"Woke you up? Skye why did you wake your brother up?" Chris asks him as Skye hugs him.
"I...I..." Skye stutters as Brad sits back up again.
"He heard you and daddy arguing or something," Brad says, getting out of his bed to get sit next to Chris.
"We are not arguing, we're just having a discussion," Chris says, smoothing Skye's hair back.
"You and daddy screaming isn't a discussion," Skye says, sniffling.
"We were not screaming, we were just talking loudly sonny boy," Chris says, hoping he could somehow diffuse the situation at hand with him and JT before it put a damper on the holidays.
"Daddy I'm not stupid," Skye says as Brad starts laughing.
"Yeah right dweeb," Brad says as Chris pops him on the leg. "Big babees aren't smart, they have no brains."
"Go get back into your bed," Chris says as Brad got up and walked back over to his bed. "I've had enough out of you. Santa might pass you over this year."
"What? No, that's not fair. Santa can't pass me over. I've been good this year," Brad says, pouting.
"Should have thought about that before you started being mean to your brother," Chris says as he kisses Skye on the forehead. "Your daddy and I are not arguing, we just talking. Don't worry about us and go back to bed. Today is Christmas Eve, you two got a lot of work to do."
"Okay daddy," Skye says as he hugged Chris. "Night."
"Night sonny boy. Good night to you too Bradley," Chris says, leaning down to hug him. "You two better not let me catch you up again. Go to sleep."
I can't believe he would actually say that shit to me. I know I have some issues and all, but he doesn't have to keep pointing them out to me all the fucking time. Damn it, he's starting to act like Matt did way back in the days when we were together. I didn't like that crap when Matt did it and I don't like it now. Chris acts as if I want to deal with this stress and drama that he's trying to create. He's supposed to be my husband, but he's treating me like one...one of the boys. I'm a grown man damnit and I know how to take care of myself. I love him and the boys, but I'll be damned if I put up with this any longer. Things need to change.
It's the holidays so I can't leave now, but once everything has calmed down, I'm going to take my leave then. I don't see any other option in this matter, but for me to leave here. Me leaving is the only way I see that I can solve these problems. If I wasn't in their lives, Chris wouldn't have to talk to Doctor Lansing about me behind my back. That's the biggest fucking betrayal there is. He acts as if he doesn't understand. If I was to go talking about him to other people behind his back, he would totally feel the same fucking way. Leaving is what I'll do. When the holidays are over, I'll get on with things then. Until then, I'll just have to play things up like everything's okay.
"Baby will you please talk to me?" Chris asks, walking into the room again and sitting down on the sofa next to me.
"Why should I talk to you Christopher?" I ask him as he sighs and leans back against the sofa. "It's apparent that you spend all of your time talking about me behind my back. So why do you want to talk to me now?"
"Baby it's not like that and you know it," he tells me. "I worry about you and you know that. You've been acting strange for a while now and I don't know what's going on with you. I love you JT. I don't want anything to happen to you. I don't know what I'd do if you weren't here with me."
"You'll survive Chris," I tell him as he sits up in a hurry. "Well you will. You can handle anything Christopher."
"If you weren't here with me, I'd probably die too," he says looking me in the eye, tears in the corners of his eyes now. "I can't live without you baby and you know that. We saved each other a long time ago and you know this. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be here right now."
"Chris that was a long time ago," I tell him, turning away from him. "That's all in the past. If I wasn't around, someone else would have stepped in and saved you."
"That's not true JT and you know it," he says, moving closer to me and hugging me. "You were the one that found me at my secret location. No one else would've come there looking for me. You were the only one that knew about that place."
"Well maybe so, but it doesn't matter now," I tell him as his tears started to fall.
"What are you trying to say JT?" He asks, sniffling. "Don't you still love me?"
"After what you've did, I don't know," I tell him as he looked at me with shock written across his face and he jumped up and ran out of the room.
It's been a few days now and we haven't heard a thing at all from Alex. I know he got upset with us for all the teasing and the dare, but that doesn't mean we don't care about him. I'm getting worried and a little bit upset. No one has heard from him and I'm thinking he might have started drinking heavily again or even worse, started the drugs again. After talking to his mom, a few of his cousins and a few of his other friends, I'm convinced that something is definitely wrong with him.
"Any word from Alex yet?" Kevin asks, walking into the room with his daughter in his arms.
"None as of yet Kev," I say, feeling a little bit uneasy about what I was about to say to Kevin about things. "Kevin...Kevin I think Alex is back to drinking and using drugs again."
"What? Why do you say that?" Kevin asks me.
"Simple Kevin, he's missing, none of us have heard from him and...and that's how it was the last time when we found out he was using. He got upset with us and started using the drugs and drinking really bad," I tell him as he thinks about that too and his expression changes.
He's right. The last time Alex got upset about something badly, he started using drugs. Back then, he was having a hard time with his family and he couldn't deal with any of the things that were going on with some of his relatives. Regardless of the fact that things were beyond his control, he tried to help and it only made things worse. That's when we found out that he was using. We talked to him about it and he said he had it under control, but we later found out that the drugs had him under control and he was falling fast.
I don't want to see him go through that again, especially if it's something I can do to stop it. I hurt him once before, I want to show him that I can make that up to him and be the man he wanted me to be back then. I just hope the others hadn't pushed him too far with the heckling and that damn dare. I just hope he contacts us before it's too late. I don't want to see anything bad happen to him again.
"Kevin man, are you alright?" I snap out of my trance to hear Brian still talking to me.
"Huh?" I ask as he sits down next to me.
"Kevin are you alright? What's on your mind?" He asks me.
"I'm just worried about Alex," I say as he hugs me.
"I know you are Kevin. He's going to be all right. He'll come back to you the way you want him to," he tells me as my eyes went wide and I got up off the sofa, looking at him strangely. "Kevin what's wrong? Why you jump up like that?"
"What are you talking about Brian?" I ask him, still not taking my attention from him as he picked up A'Lissa and started to play with her. "What do you mean he'll come back to me the way I want him to?"
"Kevin bro, we're not blind," he tells me, tickling my daughter. "We all know that you're in love with Alex. The way he and Nick stood by you after Kris died, I thought it was Nick that you had fallen for, but I, like the others now see its Alex that you're pining for."
"How do you know this?" I ask as he smiles at me and sits A'Lissa down on the sofa. "Brian I..."
"Kevin don't worry too much about it," he tells me, smiling at me and then getting up. "I'm sure Alex is just chilling out with some of his other friends."
"Maybe so, but I wish he was here with me instead," I say, sitting back down. "I'm really worried about him; especially after you guys heckled him about being gay the way you guys did."
"Kevin that was all in fun," he tells me, sitting next to me. "I don't think Alex took it that seriously bro."
"Maybe he did Brian. I don't think you guys really knew how hard he was taking all the stuff you guys were saying to him. You and D didn't have to push the way you did," I tell him.
"We weren't pushing Kev. Like you, I knew he was gay too," he tells me, smiling at me. "I saw the way he would look at you, hell I heard the way he did other things in reference to you."
"Other things in reference to me?" I ask, wondering what Brian was talking about.
"Yeah, but don't worry about that right now bro," he says, smiling at me and patting me on the back. "You'll probably figure that one out on your own."
"I don't know Brian," I say as the phone in the room rings.
"Well I have faith in you Kev, you're a smart man. You won't be in the dark for too much longer," Brian tells me as Howie walks into the room while Brian answers the phone. "Hello? Who's this? Who? He's where? He did what?"
"Brian what's going on man?" Howie asks, walking over to the phone.
"Some guy on the phone says that Alex is with him and he's high out of his mind," Brian says, looking at the phone as I jump up now and rush over to him and Howie.
"What's wrong with Alex?" I ask, taking the phone from Brian. "Who's this and what's going on with Alex?
I don't know where the hell I am, but I do know that I've got a pounding headache. I don't know how long I've been here, wherever here is, but I know I've been here too long. Each time that I've awaken, I've seen bits and pieces of the room and the person that's here with me, but for the life of me, I can't seem to stay awake for too long. I'm awake now, but I have the headache from hell.
"Alex is here with me and it looks and smells like he's drank everything that the hotel bar had to offer him last night," I hear the person say, sounding close to me, but didn't look that way. "I'm not joking. When I found him last night, he was face down at the bar with a bottle of Tequila in his hand."
What the hell is going on? Who's this guy anyway? When I left Brian's yesterday I was alone. I don't even remember talking to anybody at all. Did this guy do something to me to get me in here with him or what?
"Kevin don't fucking yell at me! You act like I'm the one that gave him the stuff! I gave him nothing damnit! I just brought him here so he could sleep it off! Fuck you too!" The guy shouts as I could see that his back was turned to me but my eyesight was still blurry. "I'm only trying to help him! I don't need this bullshit!"
"What's going on here?" I ask, trying to get up, but my body didn't want to respond like it was supposed to and I fell backwards on the bed.
"Alex, you're finally up," the guy says, hanging up the phone and then stepping closer to me. "How is your head?"
"My head is fine," I say, sitting up and leaning against the headboard of the bed now. "Where the hell am I?"
"You're in my hotel room," he answers me.
"That's been established already. What hotel? What room? Then again, who the hell are you? I ask him as my eyesight started clearing up and I was able to see my host.
Oh fuck, I'm here with Colin Farrell. How in the hell did I get here in this room with him? Talk about trouble, he makes me look like a fucking angel. He's the type of guy that trouble always finds. The kind of trouble he attracts, I don't need or want. I got to get the fuck out of here and any place else quick as I can.
"Alex are you okay? You look kind of pale," he says, standing directly in front of me now.
"I just said I was fine. Now where the hell am I?" I ask him again.
"We're at the Hilton," he answers me.
"What the hell am I doing here?" I ask him, looking at him strangely now.
"Well I was down in the hotel bar last night with a few of my friends when I spotted you over at the bar drinking like you were a race horse or something," he tells me, smiling.
"I don't drink like a fucking race horse," I say as he shook his head and turned around still smiling. "What you implying man?"
"Well apparently you do Alex. A little after two, I was on my way out of the bar when I spotted you at the bar face down. The bartender was going to have hotel security get you to your room, but since you wasn't a guest here, they couldn't do that and didn't know where to send you. So being the nice and generous person that I am, I agree to get you cleaned up and to help you home or wherever it is you're staying.
"Yeah right Colin, sure you did," I say, not believe a thing he was saying. In order for me to be here with him, he must've done something to me. I wouldn't have drank that much...much to make me pass out like he said.
"If you don't believe me, just go back down to the bar and talk to Vinnie the bartender, hell you can just as easily call hotel security and talk with them, they were going to have the police take you away. But knowing you, you didn't need that to happen, so my idea won out."
"I wouldn't have drank that damn much!" I screamed out as he stepped back away from me. "You must have done something to me, put something in my drink."
"Alex why would I put something in your fucking drink?" He asks me, crossing his arms across his chest now. "Hell I was nowhere near you to do no kind of thing Alex. What would I or anyone else gain by putting something in your drink?"
"You must've done something. I don't totally believe you were just trying to be a good Samaritan and I just ended up here with you in bed. I know how bad you can be. You must have wanted something from me and I know you always get what you want."
"Are you being serious here?" He asks as I'm able to get out of the bed now, I'm still dressed.
"Damn straight," I say as he turns around.
"If I'd known you would've acted this way, I would've let hotel security call the police on your ungrateful ass!" He screams at me as I searched through my pockets looking for my stuff. "What are you looking for?"
"My wallet, cell and keys, if it's any of your business," I say to him as he steps closer to me, leans down a little and picks up my wallet, keys and hands me my cell phone. "Thank you."
"You're fucking welcome," he says, walking over to a chair in the room and sitting down. "Try to help a guy and what do you get in return, fucking nothing but accusations."
"Oh? What is it that you were trying to get in return?" I ask him.
"A thank you would've been nice," he says, looking up at me. "That's the least you could've done."
"Thank you," I say as he shakes his head. "Do you feel better now?"
"Whatever," he says, standing up now. "Again, how is your head feeling?"
"I told you already my head was feeling fine," I tell him as he walks towards the door. "What are you doing?"
"Well since you're fine, there's no need for you to remain here then," he tells me opening the door. "I hope your holiday goes well. Goodbye Alex."
"Yeah whatever," I say, walking out of the room and heading in the direction I thought was leading to the elevators.
I'm a real big jerk. He was trying to help me and there I was acting like a real creep. Why in the hell did I accuse him of doing something to me? He's a bad boy in the industry, but I don't think he would've actually done anything to me. I need to go back and apologize to him.
I can't believe we argued like that. I don't think we've ever had an argument like that in our lives before. The things he said, the way he looked at me, I think this is it. I wish this was all just a terrible nightmare, but waking up in our bed and he wasn't there next to me was a clear sign that it all happened. He doesn't love me anymore.
With all of this happening, what's going to happen to us now? Is he really that mad with me that he's willing to just call it quits just like that? I don't think he's thinking things out clearly for him to just say what he said to me this morning. If he leaves, what's going to happen to me, the boys? We can't make it without him around us. I know if he left me, I'd just die and that would leave our boys parentless.
This is all so fucking wrong. He shouldn`t have gotten mad with me for talking to his doctor about his condition. Doctor Lansing is a therapist and that's what therapist do. With the way he feels about talking about his condition, I should've known he would've gotten upset once he found out. I would've never guessed that he would have gotten mad like this and all of this happens in the process. The look in his eyes when he was talking to me didn't convey any feeling, emotion at all what-so-ever. I don't know if he was cycling during that or what. I just hope he was, if that's the case, he'll come back to his senses soon.
This is all too much to think about right now. I need to get out of bed and go check on the boys and get the day started. I'll just deal with whatever happens as it happens.
Well so much for family togetherness during the holidays. When I got here this morning, I expected to be greeted by my bro, his husband and their kids. So far, I've been here for almost two hours now and all I've been greeted with was the whining, slobbering and sniffling of my brother. Out of all the words he's said, all I could make out was how much Chris betrayed him and threw him away. If I'd known I'd be listening to a sob story, I would've packed my violin or something.
Why is it that every year during the holidays we have to deal with some kind of issue? Last year it was Kate, now all of a sudden it's my bro. Right now, I'm tried of hearing him whine, I feel like going into the kitchen and finding him some cheese to go along with it. I don't know what's going on between him and Chris, but it's the holidays and they need to fix this before it starts to affect everyone here. Brad and Skye doesn't need their holiday dampened by crap another year. Either they fix this, or I'm going to kick both of their asses. I'm not going to sit around and let them mess up this Christmas. Whatever it is bro is crying about he best go to Chris and solve it. Speaking of Chris, I was wondering when I would hear his voice. I guess he's been sleeping all this damn time. He needs to get his short ass down here and take care of my brother.
"Christopher!" I shout as JT starts shaking his head in the negative while waving his hands at me. "Oh quit your whining bro."
"Don't <sniff> call him in <sniff> here, he betrayed <sniff> me," he says, turning around and whipping his eyes.
"Oh get over it already JT," I tell him as the door opens and Chris walks into the room.
"Sam you're here," he says, hugging me as JT glared at me and walked over to his desk and sat down. "I'm so glad to see you."
"What did you do to my brother man?" I ask him as his expression changed. "I see."
"He doesn't love me no more," Chris says as JT's head snaps around.
"That' not true you, you betrayed me Christopher," he says as I turn to look at him.
"He's Christopher now?" I ask as he looks down at the desk. "What's going on between you two?"
"Hmph," JT says, turning away from both of us.
"Well come on you two; tell me what's going on within the Poole-Kirkpatrick household?" I ask, looking back and forth between the two of them.
"Why don't you ask the man that betrayed my trust," JT says, getting up and walking towards the door as I walked in front of him to block him from leaving.
"You're not leaving out of here JT. Neither of you are leaving this room until whatever problem you have is resolved. I'm not going to let whatever this is going on between you two spill over into the lives of those two little boys upstairs. Whatever is going on with you two best get taken care of now," I tell the both of them, pushing them into each other's faces.
"It's not that simple Sam," JT says, not looking at Chris, even though they were in each other's faces.
"Oh it's simple man," I say, looking at the bot of them. "What's going on here?"
"He talked to Doctor Lansing behind my back," JT says, as I shook my head at him.
"And?" I ask, looking at him as he looked up at me.
"That's enough Sam," he says as I smacked him in the back of the head. "Hey!"
"Hey my ass man," I tell him, turning around. "You are in here all upset and snotting up the place because your husband talked to the doctor?"
"That's what he's upset about Sam," Chris says, wrapping his arms around JT's waist. "I only talked to Doctor Lansing because I was scared that you might hurt yourself while me and the guys were gone. I wasn't trying to do anything behind your back and I wasn't betraying you."
"Could've fooled me," JT says as I smacked him in the back of the head again. "Hey damnit!"
"Hush up man," I tell him as he was about to protest when Chris captured his lips and the two of tem shared a long and passionate kiss.
"Wow, what a kiss," JT says as he and Chris started deeply into each other's eyes.
"Yeah it was," Chris says, smiling as he pulled JT close again and they started the kissing ritual again.
Damn, they act like people want to see them slobbering all over each other. They act like the rest of the world want to see that. I'm sorry, I'm still single and I don't want to watch them. I'll just leave them in here alone while I go get the boys. My bros the drama queens. Who'd guess that two grown burly men would be in here kissing and snotting on each other. They belong together, especially now. I'm glad it's not me.
Well, this is it. This afternoon I tell Jamie he's gonna be a Dad. I'm still in shock myself, but I can't believe it. I'm about to burst because I'm dying to tell everybody I meet, but I want Jamie to be the first person to find out. After all, he did have a one-half share in making our little miracle.
I've been in the kitchen most of the morning since I got home from the doctor's office, so I've had time to make an amazing celebratory dinner complete with all the things we both love to eat. I know he's noticed the change in my demeanor the last few days, but I don't think he's quite put his finger on it yet. Jamie was dying of curiosity when I got home, but I want the moment when he finds out about the baby to be perfect.
Lunch is almost ready. I made all the stuff he likes to eat: quiche Lorraine, homemade garlic bread and lots of fresh squeezed lemonade, even though I'm not really hungry myself since our little bundle is making me as sick as a dog whenever I even think of eating anything. Now to get the husband to the table so we can eat dinner before we head to JT & Chris' house for the holidays.
"Our baby," I said dreamily, rubbing my still flat tummy as I wondered which one of us he or she would look like. "It doesn't matter little one... just know Mommy loves you already and she can't wait to see you."
I made one last circuit of the table, lighting the candles and making sure that the fondue pot was still warm so that the chocolate for the strawberries would still be soft enough to dip. Once I was satisfied that everything was in order, I went in search of my better half so we could have a nice romantic lunch together... and he could find out about our baby.
"Jamie... honey, where are you?" I called out, walking into the front of the house to see that he was planted quite firmly in front of the computer in his office. "Hey babe... lunch is ready."
"I'll be there in a few minutes," he stated, his eyes not even looking up from the screen. I walked over to his desk, reaching over to save the document over his very enthusiastic protests. "Come on Nikki. I just need to finish a few more things and then I'll come eat... I promise."
"No, you come eat now Mr. Bass," I retorted sternly, pulling him out of his chair and leading him to the dining room. I stopped so he could see all the work I'd been doing since banishing him to his office three hours before.
"Wow... this is amazing," he stated with a smile, pulling me close before I slipped from his grasp.
"Do you like it?" I asked, feeling shy for a
moment. He engulfed me in a huge hug, kissing me tenderly before sitting
down at his place. "You made all this for us?"
"Yeah, I did," I replied, serving him a slice of quiche, salad and garlic bread. I filled my own plate and then sat down to eat. "I thought it would be cool to have a romantic lunch since you've been out of town for the last few days. Now, no more talking... just enjoy your meal and when we're done, I have a present for you."
"Yes ma'am," he said with a cheeky grin, savoring the food while keeping one eye on me. "Nikki, you look--I don't know... I guess different somehow. Is everything okay?"
"Everything's fine Jamie," I replied with an enigmatic smile as I thought of the small package sitting on the counter in the kitchen. "You worry too much, husband of mine. Now, finish your dinner so we can get going to JT & Chris'."
"Okay," he said, digging into his food once again, but not without the occasional surreptitious glance at me when he thought I wasn't watching.
Once we were done eating, I cleared the dishes, shooing Jamie when he tried to join me in the kitchen.
"I got this--you just sit and relax," I said, kissing him tenderly before disappearing into the kitchen to get our dessert.
I carefully placed the box with the tiny silver spoon I'd purchased that morning on the dish, covered it, and placed the whole thing on the serving tray. I carried everything into the dining room and sat it on the table in front of Jamie, fighting a grin when he lifted the lid of his dessert dish.
"What's this?" he asked in confusion. I shrugged, trying, unsuccessfully I might add, to look innocent as he lifted the lid from the box. "What did you do baby?"
"I didn't do a thing," I said sweetly as he looked inside the box, looked up at me in shock and then back at the spoon.
"Nikki... are you... pregnant?" he asked, his face a mix of shock and disbelief mixed with so much hopefulness I could only nod as he swept me up and kissed me. "I love you baby... God, I love you!"
"Put me down before I get sick!" I shrieked as he hurriedly put me back on my feet. "Is this okay? I mean, are you okay with this?"
"Are you crazy?" he asked me incredulously, kissing me tenderly. "I am so okay with this... God, I'm gonna be a Dad! Does anybody else know?"
"No--I wanted you to be the first person I told," I stated, smiling at him. I backed him into a chair, sitting in his lap and wrapping my arms around his neck. "Besides, you had a fifty-fifty share in making this little miracle, so I thought you should know before anybody else--well, anybody besides Dr. Whitten that is."
"We're having a baby," he said dreamily, nuzzling the side of my neck. Suddenly he pulled back, a troubled frown on his face. "Are we going to tell anybody else or should we wait until you're farther along?"
"I think we should wait for awhile," I replied, snuggling into him and resting my head on his shoulder. "We need to finish packing so we can leave."
"I know... but I just wanna enjoy this moment for as long as I can," he stated, resting his palm over my tummy. "It's not everyday I find out that the woman I love more than anything in the world is giving me the ultimate gift."
"You're welcome," I said softly, tightening my arms around him and relaxing as he held me. We moved to the living room, where we got comfortable on the overstuffed couch, and where we stayed until time came for us to leave for Chris and JT's.
I've been sitting in this little coffee shop now for over three hours. I've been debating with myself on the issue of whether or not I should call Nick Carter or just forget about him. I like him very much, but I feel that hooking up with him will only end in heartache and pain and I don't want that. After what we did the other afternoon, I felt something with him, but I don't know if he felt the same thing. Deep down in my heart, Nick is the guy I want to be with, but after the way I left him the way I did, I doubt he would want to be with a screw up like me. I should just call him and take a chance, but I'm just too chicken shit to do it.
After talking with Lance, Chris and JT last night, I discovered a few things about myself and I finally came to the conclusion that it was time for me to start living m life for me and making myself happy. I also figured out that my happiness shouldn't revolve around how my parents react to things I do or feel about the decisions I make. It's time that I started acting like a man and do what I feel is right for me, not what other people feel is right for me. Damnit, I'm a grown fucking man, I'm old enough to make my own decisions.
I guess I'll call him and try to see if I can salvage what we started. Maybe then I'll be happy and I wouldn't have to deal with Josh pressuring me to have a gay life. Hell, at that point, I wouldn't have to deal with Trace trying to get his groove on with me and he'll finally get the picture that I don't want his skanky ass. Friendship is all he'll ever get from me. I just hope this number I got for Nick Carter from one of my sources at Jive is correct. If not, I'll just have to go at things the old fashioned way, I'll wait.
"Here goes nothing," I say aloud, dialing the number and waiting as the phone connected and started ringing the number. "Please be the right number."
"Hello, who's this?" I hear as I recognize the voice of the man I wanted to be mine.
"Ah hi Nick, it's Justin...Justin Timberlake," I say into the phone, hoping he wouldn't hang up or anything.
"Hi Justin, what is it that you want? You're the last person I expected to hear from," he said in a boorish fashion, sounding like he really didn't care if he heard from me or not.
"Look, I'm sorry for the way I walked away from you the other day Nick. I...I was scared and I didn't know what to do," I tell him, hoping that would suffice as an excuse for right now.
"You`re sorry? Yeah right, like Justin Fucking Timberlake could ever be sorry! Hmph, sorry doesn't cut it Timberlake," he says, the anger in his words almost cutting like a knife.
"Nick please..." I say, but he interrupts me.
"Please what Justin? I thought...oh who gives a damn what I thought," he says as I could hear him sniffle through the phone.
"Nick I didn't mean to hurt you," I say, crying a little bit myself now. "Please...please give me a chance here."
"Give you a chance? Did you give me a fucking chance Justin? Hell no! You got what you wanted. We had sex and you walked out!" He screamed out as I held the phone away from my ear. "That right there tells a man a lot, you only wanted to use me and you did that! Didn't you get enough?"
"No I didn't...I mean, it's not like that Nick," I say, looking around as it seemed all the people in the coffee shop was looking at me, actually listening to my conversation.
"It's not like what Justin?" He asks me as I got up, pulled a few bills out of my pocket and laid them on the table. "You weren't trying to use me for sex? You didn't flirt we me in that damn store, get my hopes up and fucking burn me?"
"I wasn't trying to use or burn you Nick," I say, walking out of the coffee shop. "I told you, I got scared and I didn't know what to do. Hell, the only thing that came to mind was to go home. I did that and I cried...cried for leaving you. I...I miss you, I want you Nick. Please...please give me a chance to show you that I like you."
"Too late for that Justin," he says sniffling. "If you liked me, you'd never ran out on me the way you did."
"Please...please let me prove it to you," I tell him. "Please Nick. Can I meet you somewhere?"
"What for? Is this some outlandish attempt for you to get me into bed again so we can fuck and you run off again?" He asks as I look down at the ground.
"No Nick, I just want to show you that I'm...falling in love with you," I say, almost regretting it when it came out.
"You're...you're falling in love with me?" He asks his voice a little shaky.
"Y-yeah I think I am," I tell him as he sniffles again. "Please Nick, let me show you that."
"Justin I...I don't know," he says as I stop in front of my car.
"Well fine then, if you don't believe me, why don't you come meet me," I tell him as I open the door.
"Where are you?" He asks as I look out the window, trying to remember where the hell I was.
"I'm in my car at a little coffee shop downtown," I tell him.
"You are? What kind of car?" He asks as I wonder where this was going.
"I'm in a baby blue colored Mercedes Benz Classic 510," I tell him as the phone went dead. "What the hell! He hung up on me!"
I guess I deserved that for the way I treated him. I ran out on him, he hangs up on me. I tried to convince him that I was sorry, but I guess that wasn't good enough. Well at least I have my friends, well almost all of my friends. I just wish Joey was so easy to talk to. I'd like to regain the friendship we once had. I miss him. I miss all the things all of us use to do. Maybe one day, I'll get all of that stuff back. It's going to take some time for all of them to fully like me, but I'm working on things. Getting lost in my thoughts, I didn't notice the person walking towards my car. Being brought out of my thoughts by a strange tapping on my window, I turned quickly and saw Nick standing outside of the car. Smiling, he ran around to the other side and I unlocked the door. Hopping into the car, he looked at me and all I could do was pull him close to me and kiss him.
"Mmmm Timberlake, I liked that," he moaned, smiling at me. "So you're falling huh?"
"Yeah I am," I tell him.
"Good, because I already fell, you have to catch up," he says, leaning into me as we kissed again.
"You like me?" I ask him as he shook his head no.
"No Justin, I don't like you," he says as I frown. "Silly, I already love you."
"Don't scare me like that Carter," I say, playfully slapping his arm. "How do you know you love me?"
"When we were...you know...I...I felt a connection between the two of us," he says, looking deep into my eyes. "Since then, I've thought of nothing and no one but you."
"Same here," I tell him as I pull him close again and we kiss. "When we were making love...that's it, love...I felt so many things, but most of all, I felt that you were the person I needed in my life."
"Strange coincidence," he says, letting out a content sigh as he entwined his fingers with mine. "I totally felt all of that."
"So what do we do now?" I ask him as he smiles at me.
"How about we start things off like we should have," he says, kissing our hands.
"Dating?" I ask him as he smiles.
"Well that too, but we could have talked a little bit more than what we did in the store," he says as I start blushing.
"Well I was horny and you were too," I tell him as he blushes this time.
"We were both horny, but oh well," he says, smiling at me. "So do you have plans the rest of the day?"
"Well Chris and his husband invited me to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with their family, that's about it. Would you like to come?" I ask him, already knowing that he would be welcomed since JT told me to call him and invite him.
"I...I don't think I should intrude on Chris' family like that," he says, frowning.
"You wouldn't be intruding," I tell him, smiling and rubbing his hand. "JT already told me to invite you."
"JT? That name sounds familiar," he says as I start to giggle.
"I'm sure it does, he was you guys' choreographer for a few weeks while `Tima was out a while ago," I tell him as realization kicked in.
"That's the guy Chris married?" He asks, looking at me strangely.
"Yes, the very one in the same," I say as he starts smiling. "What are you smiling about?"
"What're you smiling about Nick?" I ask him, turning around in the seat.
"Damn I bet Chris is one happy fella," Nick says, smirking. "That JT is stacked. The last time he took his shirt off in front of us, me, Kevin and Alex almost fainted."
"Kevin and Alex? Are they gay too?" I ask him as he nods and then taps his forehead.
"Well Alex is gay, but Kevin is somewhat on the downlow or something. He hasn't come out to any of us yet, but we know already," he says, smiling at me.
"Why hasn't he?" I ask him
"I don't know, I think he's scared to. He's been alone for a long time now. I believe if he comes on out to us, his heart can finally mend," he says, a stray tear rolling down his cheek.
"I'm so sorry for him. When we heard that Kristin had died, none of us knew what to say or do. I believe we all prayed for him in hopes that he and his little girl would be able to make it through without her," I tell him as he hugs me.
We stayed like that for a few minutes with him crying on my shoulder. After he composed himself, we kissed again and we made our love for each other official. He decided that he would spend a little it of time with me at Chris and JT's and check in with his family a little later. I pulled out of the parking lot and headed towards Chris and JT's with him holding my hand on the gearshift. Talk about no ordinary love.
TO BE CONTINUED...
I don't know any of the members of «N SYNC, Backstreet Boys or any other celebrities mentioned. I don't know anything about their sexual orientation or the orientation of any other celebrities in this story (even though I wish some of them were gay). This story is fiction and you shouldn't take it for anything else but that. This is for entertainment value only folks.