Date: Fri, 30 Mar 2001 16:56:15 EST
From: SweetAngel472023@aol.com
Subject: 'No Way Out'    chapter 1

'No Way Out'
Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I am not pretending to know the sexual orientation of anyone in
NSYNC. I don't know them and I'm not implying anything about their sexuality
or beliefs. This is FICTION. If you are too young to be reading this, leave
now. Or stay, just don't get caught. And if you are homophobic, I suggest you
leave now.

I'm baaaack. ::grin:: How is everyone?
Here I am with yet another story. This one has a set plot line, and I promise
it won't turn into a soap opera. The beginning is kind of dark, but bear with
me. Everything is happening for a reason.
**When the story is written in first person, it's from Justin's point of
view**
--------------------
    It was dark in the bus. Dark and quiet. Justin was the only one on it
already. The other guys had gone clubbing, but Justin hadn't felt like
joining. Like so many times in the past months, he had completely withdrawn
himself and refused to even look at his friends. They were worried about him,
but they had given up talking to him.

    It hadn't always been like that. At the beginning, Justin had been so
open, so caring and giving. He had been exactly what he still pretended to be
in public. The only difference was that now, it was only a show. He wasn't
the fun loving kid anymore that he had used to be. Things had changed, and
now everything was so difficult.

    Justin sighed and hugged his legs closer to his chest. The darkness and
quiet was calming him down, and the tears he had been shedding were drying on
his cheeks. He opened his eyes and stared into the black nothingness that was
the bunk above him. JC's bunk. That thought was all it took to start his
tears anew. Why couldn't it be easier? Why can't live be simple?

    **I wish...oh damn it. I don't know what I wish. I can't wish that JC loves
me. He's my best friend!  I can't feel anything for him. I can't. Yet, my day
is not complete until I see him. I'm in a bad mood when he's feeling bad.
When he's hurt, I feel his pain. He's everywhere!

    My head hurts. Isn't there a legal limit to the pain and confusion that a
guy my age should be experiencing?

    I don't even remember when I started questioning. It must've been shortly
after NSYNC started. I grew up in a very liberal household and found nothing
wrong with the fact that I had feelings for men as well for women. I didn't
wanna put a label on myself, though. I decided to just take it as it comes. I
was comfortable with that for a very long time. In fact, I was comfortable
with it until about a month ago. That's when JC came out to us. I promised
him that things wouldn't change. We had always been so close, I wouldn't push
him away over that! Little did I know that the exact opposite would happen. I
found myself developing a crush on JC. At first I was able to just will these
feelings away, but now they are everywhere. I can't even have a normal
conversation with him for fear of saying something wrong, something to give
me away.

    The thing that kills me the most is the fact that I would actually have a
chance with him if only I weren't so scared of ruining our friendship. And
I'm scared to death of what he will think of me.

    He knows about me. I told him a shortly after he came out. I felt that he
deserved to know, since I knew about him. Besides, I wanted someone to know
about it. Someone who would understand. And who would understand better than
JC?

    If only there was something I could do about these feelings inside of me.
**

    It was only about an hour later that the guys came back from their night
out. Justin had cried himself to sleep, and he didn't even wake up when JC
noisily made his way up to the top bunk.

    JC lay awake for quite some time. Although physically worn out from the
dancing, his mind wasn't tired yet. He was thinking about Justin. He knew
that there was something bothering his best friend. Everyone had noticed. If
only he would open up to someone, talk to someone. JC sighed. The worry about
his best friend was eating him from the inside out and there was nothing he
could do until Justin was ready to talk.

    In the adjacent bunk, Lance was harboring similar thoughts. He was first
and foremost concerned as a friend, but as the head of the group he was also
worried how Justin's behavior would affect their music and performances. They
were in a middle of a tour and Justin's problems, whatever they were, were
putting a strain on all of the guys. Finally fatigue took over his mind and
he let the thought slide. He wasn't going to find a solution for this problem
tonight.

    Only about three hours later, the light of dawn began to creep into the
bus through the numerous windows in the front of the bus. Justin was already
up, sitting in the 'kitchen' and munching on his cereal. In the morning he
always felt a little better. He would wait for JC in a kind of nervous
anticipation, and as soon as he'd see JC he'd feel uncomfortable and awkward.
That's were the day would turn bad and get progressively worse until it was
time again to go to bed. There his emotions would take over and he would lie
in the darkness and cry himself to sleep.

    The only time that he still felt like his old self was when they were out
on the stage, singing and dancing. No matter how bad he felt, on stage
nothing mattered but the music and the audience. There he could let lose and
push all his problems away.

    But now it was still early and Justin was enjoying the solitude. The guys
wouldn't be up for a while. It had gotten late last night and they didn't
have to be at the stadium until that afternoon. So he leaned back on the
chair, stared out the window, and pretended that JC didn't even exist.
-------------------------
Ok, here we go. The first chapter of my new story. As usual, feedback is
appreciated. Tell me what you thought of it and if I should keep going.
Take care
j