Date: Tue, 19 Jun 2001 16:10:17 EDT
From: Sweetangel482124@aol.com
Subject: 'No Way Out'    chapter 8

`No Way Out'
Chapter 8

Disclaimer: The usual stuff applies. I don't know `em and I'm not trying to
imply anything about `em. If you're underage or don't like this kind of
stuff, please leave.

Hello there. Well, that went a little bit faster. But don't get used to
it. I'm in the process of moving, and things might slow down a bit again.
Hope ya like it.

P.S. I just watched MTV and I heard the most interesting thing. Apparently,
Chris Kirkpatrick gave an interview for the magazine `Out'. Here's what he
answered to the question whether any of his bandmates are gay: (These are
not his exact words because I saw it on TV and I don't remember what he
actually said) `I don't know for sure if any of us are gay. We don't talk
about things like that. But if someone in the band is gay, I don't have a
problem with that.' I just had to share this. It leaves room for
interesting speculations. (

P.P.S. Just in case you want to send me some feedback (which I really
encourage) you should know that my e-mail address changed because I got a
new account. I tried to keep it as close to the original as possible. The
new address is Sweetangel482124@aol.com


	"Joe, I made a big mistake." Joey opened his eyes and squinted in
the bright light of the lamp. He glanced at the bedside clock and sighed.

	"Josh, it's three o'clock in the morning. Are you sure this can't
wait until a more convenient time? Like when I'm awake?"

	"You might want to hear this. You know when I went to the hospital,
I wanted to apologize to Justin for that stupid fight we had. It was so
pointless, trying to make him feel guilty so I wouldn't have to. But then,
I kept on thinking `Are you so sure you don't like him like that? What if
you hurt him by rejecting him and then it turns out you like him after
all?' I was so confused. And then.... I kissed him."

"You what?! Josh, are you out of your mind? No matter how guilty you feel,
it's not gonna change your feelings for him. You're friends and that's it."
JC sighed and nodded.

	"I know, I know. I realized that too. When I kissed him, I didn't
feel anything. All I could think of was the way it feels like when I kiss
you, like fireworks in my head. But I feel so responsible for what
happened, and I don't know what to do. He's my best friend, and he.... he
could've died!" JC buried his face in Joey's chest. His tears, the tears he
had held back for so long, finally flowed freely.

	Joey rubbed JC's back

	"It's alright. Just let it go. It was not your fault. I love you
baby."

	"I love you too." JC whispered, his voice muffled by Joey's shirt

Some people seemed to get everything out of life that they wanted. Without
any effort, they made everything come their way. Money, friends, partners,
happiness. But for Jake it had never been that way. Everything was
connected to an immense amount of difficulty. Looking back on how his life
had progressed so far, it was no surprise to him that he should now develop
feelings for the most impossible person.

Justin. What was it about that young man that fascinated Jake so much? He
seemed so innocent, yet it was plainly obvious that he was mature beyond
his years. If only he would open up, let Jake in. If only Jake would find
out for sure that there was a chance for him.

Those and other thoughts were swirling in Jake's mind as he sat in the
darkness of his office. It was still early in the morning, but Jake had
been unable to sleep, so he just gave up and went to the hospital. Here in
his office, just a few feet down the hallway from Justin's room, he felt
better.

He was interrupted in his thoughts when he heard the sound of feet on the
linoleum floor. It came closer and briefly stopped in front of Jake's
door. Finally, the door was pushed open and Justin entered.

"I thought I'd seen you come in." He sat down on the desk and looked at
Jake.

"Why are you up so early?" Jake asked, trying to sound casual.

"I could ask you the same thing. But you don't need to tell me that, and I
don't need to tell you either."

"Alright. Why are you here then?"

"Whatever I tell you will not leave this room, right?"

"Right. I am bound by law to keep my mouth shut."

"Ok then. I wasn't going to tell you anything. But something happened the
day before yesterday and now I don't know what to do anymore. I'm scared of
myself."

"Well, just tell me what happened."

"You already guessed that I am...well..." Justin stopped and looked at Jake
helplessly. Jake nodded.

"That you are gay. Yes, I guessed that. And I gather that you are in love
with someone you can't have." Justin averted his eyes and left his spot on
the desk. He crossed the room to stand by the window and looked at the sun
that was just rising above the trees.

"It sounds a lot like one of those cheap romance novels. Guy falls in love,
object of affection does not feel the same way, guy is devastated and jumps
off a bridge. Or drives off a bridge. How could I have been so stupid? You
see, that's why I am afraid of myself. I lose control over myself so
easily, I let myself fall into depression." Justin did not once turn around
to look at Jake. It seemed as though he was talking to himself.

"Did you ever tell the other guy how you feel?" Jake asked, trying to keep
him talking.

"Yeah. Or rather, I tried. I walked in on him and his boyfriend. I didn't
even know he had one! Can you believe it? He's my best friend and he didn't
even tell me he has a boyfriend." His back was shaking slightly. Jake was
having trouble keeping his voice void of emotion when he asked his next
question.

"And then what? What happened the other day?"

"He came to apologize for a fight we'd had the day before. And then he
kissed me." A bitter laugh escaped Justin's lips.

"He kissed me! Now what am I supposed to think? Did he kiss me because he
likes me, or because he feels guilty?" For the first time, he looked up and
met Jakes eyes.

"Tell me, what am I supposed to think?" He was begging Jake for an answer
to that turmoil in his head, when he knew full well that the only one who
could clear this up once and for all was JC.


Waaaah... semi-cliffhanger.  Hope you liked this chapter. More to come
soon!

By the way, I'd really appreciate some feedback.
Take care
j