Date: Sun, 11 Jul 1999 18:32:01 -0700 (PDT)
From: tumbler99@yahoo.com
Subject: "'N SYNC Savior - Part Nine"

ote: This is a complete work of fiction.  I am not implying that any
character within this story is gay or bisexual.  This is just my fantasy,
so let me have it!!!  I'm planning on making this a continuing plot, with
twists and turns and everything else thrown in.  So please, don't be afraid
to send any comments my way.  Since I've never been to New York I may need
a little help with some scenery and stuff.  Please e-mail me at
tumbler99@yahoo.com


'N SYNC Savior

Chapter Nine

     In front of me was a big group of girls who had gotten past the
security guards somehow.  The were standing off to the side hoping for a
chance to see the guys.  I slowly walked up to them and tried to get around
them.  The obviously had no respect for anyone but themselves because they
shoved me back whenever I tried to get by.  Finally I was getting ticked
off and I made my voice get a little loud.  I was pushing and shoving my
way through the group and had made it halfway through when the girls
suddenly stopped.  Their screaming, their clawing, their jumping up and
around - everything just stopped for a split second.  Before I had time to
react I heard one of them shout, "Oh my God!!  It's them.  There they
are!!"  Like vultures they surged forward to get closer to the group.  I
felt a girl push a hand in my face and as she pulled away she clawed me
with her fingernails.  Another was grabbing my hair to try to get ahead of
me.  A third just used her elbow (she's the one who could have been a
football player).  As much as I hated acknowledging the fact, I was being
beaten up by a bunch of girls.  They only had one thing on their mind and
they didn't care what they had to do to get to their heartthrobs.

     I was ready to yell some obscenities and calls for help when I felt a
strong grasp on my shoulder.  My hand came up; I was ready to swing at the
next person I saw.  I never had the chance as I was roughly pulled from the
mob.  I stumbled over my feet as I tried to catch my breath.  Before I
could succeed I was being pulled again, forced to run down a darkened
hallway.  Flashes of the previous evening were flooding through my mind and
I felt like I was going crazy.

     As the guys finished their last song they moved to the front of the
stage and grabbed hands.  They took a bow as each one said a couple words
to the crowd.  Justin and JC ran off stage as Chris and Joey followed.
Before Lance could catch up to them he was stopped by a stage manager who
had some questions.  After spending a few minutes getting everything
cleared up he slowly walked to the dressing room in the back where he knew
we would all be.  He was stepping into the hallway when he suddenly stopped
dead in his tracks.

     In front of him was a mob of young girls, trying to get at the rest of
the group.  The bodyguards and security were doing a good job of keeping
them away but something was still wrong.  He looked over the crowd and
tried to find out what was making him feel funny.  Suddenly he saw a flash
of blond hair in the crowd.  He quickly started ran over to the crowd,
trying to make his way into it without being noticed.  He covered his face
slightly and shoved his way in.  He was luckily since everyone's attention
was in the other direction, towards Justin and the rest of the guys.
Moving up next to me he grabbed my shoulder strongly.  He saw my hand come
up and ducked down as he started to pull me out.  Within a few seconds we
were out of the crowd, running down a darkened hallway.

     I had finally gained my footing as we made our escape from the crowd.
I couldn't see clearly, though, because my eyes were moist with tears and
my breath was coming in gasps.  I could see someone beside me, pulling me
along, but I couldn't tell who it was.  It felt like we were running
forever until weturned a corner and ran into a small room.  I sat down on
the ground and took a deep breath.  My eyes were closed as I tried to calm
myself down.

     Lance started running hard as he pulled me out of the crowd.  He never
let go of my shoulder as he went down the hallway.  He knew there would be
rooms in the next corridor that we could hide in for awhile but he had to
get us there first.  As he was running he looked over at my face and saw
the tears in the corner of my eyes.
     "This must be awful for him," he thought.  "First he's raped in a
darkened alley.  Then he has to put up with all of JC's crap.  And now I
have to pull him out of a mob and bring him into another darkened area."
Before he could go on he saw where he had to turn.  Moving quickly we
dashed down the new hallway and into a room.  He let go off my shoulder as
I sunk down on my butt.  Lance bent over at the waist and put his hands on
his knees, taking a few deep breaths to calm down also.  After a few
minutes of silence he looked down at me and noticed that I was staring at
him.

     "What?" He questioned.  "Do I have something on my face?"
     I shook my head no as I continued to stare.  He looked back for a
second and then sat on the ground next to me.  He put a hand on my shoulder
and lightly rubbed it.  He didn't say a word because he knew I had to be
the first one to speak.  I sat quietly for awhile, gathering my thoughts
and feelings and calming down from the action.  Finally I looked over into
his green eyes and smiled.

     "Well, that was weird," I stated matter-of-factly.  "Does it happen
often?"
     "I won't lie to you - it happens more than you would believe.  It's
just worse when there's someone we know in there.  Like tonight.  We've
been caught before so we know how it feels, but I still wouldn't wish it on
anyone."  He stared at me as he continued.  "Are you all right now?  Is
everything kosher?"
     I laughed at his choice of words but had to admit to myself that I
would probably use the same ones.  "Yeah....everything's cool now.  I just
hate feeling like that.  So helpless and....and feeble I guess.  I couldn't
do anything and I didn't like it."
     He nodded his head in agreement as he spoke softly.  "I know Matt.  I
think we both know exactly what you're talking about.  Being in
control....having things planned out....being dependent and doing a good
job of it....we both like to be able to take care of things ourselves."  He
stared at me to make sure I agreed before going on.  "But....life doesn't
work like that.  Fate throws so many obstacles in our path that we can't do
everything by ourselves.  Not everyone is like you," he said.  "Some are
rapists, some are sheep that will follow the herd, some are just extremely
evil."  He paused before going on.  "But some are really good.  Some are
doctors and teachers and scientists who make the world better everyday.
Some are your friends who will listen whenever you need them.  And there a
few people who will care for and love you so much that you can get through
anything.  And you need to realize that before you get hurt too much."

     I felt the emotions well up as Lance spoke but I kept them inside.  My
heart started pounding a little faster as I felt my skin break out in a
sweat.  I closed my eyes as I let his words sink in.  I knew there were bad
people in life - I'd already experienced many of them.  And I knew there
were good people too - they were my heroes.  But still....the way he said
it I had to wonder if I was doing something wrong.  Maybe I was more naive
than I'd realized.  I'd always thought I was pretty mature for my age.  I
tried to know everyone I could; I didn't let little things affect my
relationships; I knew about worldly issues; I thought I was ready for the
real world.  God, maybe I wasn't yet.  Maybe I didn't know the first thing
about real people.  Maybe I didn't....
     "Now don't even go thinking that," Lance said, interrupting my
thoughts.  "I know what you're trying to do to yourself and I won't let
you.  I didn't say all of that to make you feel bad.  I told you that
because everyone needs to know it.  You're a great person, Matt, and I
don't want you thinking any less of yourself because of the stuff that's
happened in the past day."  He stared up to the ceiling as he let out a
sigh.  "God, why does everything I say come out wrong.  Listen....I just
said all of that because I don't want to see you get hurt.  I want you to
realize that there are bad people....but there are a lot of good people.
Just try to find those people."  A smile covered his face as he continued.
"And I happen to know one right now who's probably worried sick about you."

     Joey and Justin and escaped the crowd first, running into their
dressing room.  JC had been caught by a few of the girls and Chris' hair
had been grabbed by a young 11 year old.  The security guards did their job
efficiently and pushed everyone back.  The two singers finally made it into
the back room and sat down on the couch.
     "Man," Chris exhaled.  "What the hell happened there?  No one was
supposed to be in that hallway."
     "You know how it is," JC answered.  "The fans will do anything to get
to us."
     All four guys sat down and rested from their show until Joey finally
looked up.
     
     "Hey guys?" He asked.  "Where's Lance?"
     Justin's head shot up as he looked around the room.  "Oh God....is he
still out there?  Was he caught with you guys?"
     JC shook his head as a frown formed on his face.  "No.  I didn't see
him at all.  Did you Chris?"  He shook his head also and JC started to get
worried.  "And where's Matt?  He's supposed to be back here too."  JC stood
up quickly and headed for the door.  He was about to leave when Justin
stopped him.
     "Josh, you can't go back out there.  I'm sure the girls are still
there just waiting for another chance.  You just have to believe that he is
still in the crowd and hasn't been able to get back here."  He put a hand
on the older boys shoulder as he went on.  "He didn't run out on us - he
wouldn't."
     JC sighed as his head dropped to his chest.  "I knew something like
this would happen," he whispered.  "I just knew it."
     Joey looked up as JC spoke.  "Wait a second JC.  The way you're
talking....and the way you were singing tonight....oh my God!....I get it
now."  He looked over at Chris and Justin.  "How long have you guys known?"
     Chris was about to answer when JC shot an angry look at Joey.  "What
do you mean, ‘you get it now?'"
     Justin quickly jumped in as Chris tried to also.  "Just calm down,"
they both said at once.  Joey looked over and broke out laughing as Chris
and Justin tried to hold it in themselves.  JC's frown loosened up a little
but he was far from laughing.
     "JC, come on," Chris started.  "It's obvious that you really like
Matt.  I for one think it's a great thing.  He's so cool and awesome....and
you could really use that right now."  He smiled over at Joey.  "Everyone
but Joey has known since early this afternoon but you can't blame him for
not being even remotely observant!"
     "Hey, I resent that!"
     "But it's true buddy; you have to admit that!"
     "....well...."
     "Anyway," Justin broke in.  "Back to the real issue.  We all know JC
and we all think it's a good thing.  From what I've seen I think he likes
you too," he said with a smile.
     "I know he does," Chris remarked.
     "But that still doesn't answer my question," JC said.  "Where the hell
is he?  He should be here by now."

     "Now do you think you can stand up?" Lance asked quietly.  "We should
probably get back to the rest of the guys."
     I picked myself up and dusted off my pants as I looked over at Lance.
"Won't the mob still be there?"
     "Yeah, probably.  But I never said we would go back down that
hallway," he answered with a sinister smile.  "I know another way, don't
worry."
     As we left our little hiding spot we heard a low murmur of high
pitched voices.
     "Yep, still there," Lance said.  "Okay, just follow me."
     We walked down a hallway and then turned into another hallway.  That
hallway led us to another hallway in which we turned once more into
a....imagine that....another hallway.  We kept walking and I stayed up
beside Lance the whole time.  I finally started to laugh as I realized we
were lost.
     "You're not good with directions either I take it."
     "Better than you are!" He shot back.  "But no, right now I'm not.  I
could have sworn it was down this hallway."  We started walking again as he
softly spoke to himself.  Finally I just stopped and looked at the walls.
     "Umm....Lance?  Would this help any?" I pointed to a sign on the wall.
It had the word "Stage" in big capital letters with an arrow pointing in
the opposite direction.
     He smiled sheepishly as he turned around and started walking.  I just
laughed as I quickly caught up to him.  Within a few minutes we were
traveling down a hallway and he picked up his pace.
     "I know where we are now," he exclaimed.
     "Thank God for miracles," I laughed.

     Lance put his hand on the doorknob but stopped to look back at me.
"Listen....I'm not sure what will happen from now on - no one knows.  But
I'm glad that you're here.  I'm glad that you like JC.  I'm glad that
you're a real friend.  Lets just have fun for the next couple of days and
leave it at that, okay?"  I could see the pure emotion flow from his words
and I nodded my head.
     "That's what we'll do - let fate runs its course while we have a
blast!"  I put my hand on his shoulder and he turned the knob.  As the door
swung open we saw JC and Justin standing a few feet away while Chris and
Joey were sitting on a couch.  As soon as JC saw us he crossed the distance
between us in a flash.

     "Thank God you guys are here.  Are you all right?  Did you get mobbed?
Where have you been?"  The questions rattled on as Lance and I laughed to
ourselves.
     "Chill out dude," Justin spoke up.  "They're here now and they're
obviously all right.  That's all that matters."  JC looked over at his
friend and backed away.  When he looked back he caught my eye and held it.
When his mouth opened I thought he would speak out loud, but all he did was
mouth the words, "we need to talk."  I frowned but mouthed back, "okay -
later."  I followed Lance and Justin as they went to sit down.  My mind was
running pretty fast with this new information.
     
     "Is this fate running its course?" I asked myself.  "What does he want
to talk to me about?  Maybe it's about dinner and the limo ride.  Or he
could just want to know more about me - he wasn't there most of the
morning."  I was snapped out of my thoughts when I felt Justin's hand on my
thigh.
     "So how'd you enjoy that bomb concert?  Was it not bitchin'?"  I could
tell that he wanted an honest opinion and I was never one to back away from
that.
     "You guys have no idea how good you are, do you?  You had the audience
eating out of your hands....and it wasn't just because you guys are hot.
I'm not positive but I don't think any of you missed a move or a note, did
you?"  I saw Justin shake his head so I continued.  "And your voices were
just spectacular, especially on ‘Sailing.'" I looked over at JC as I
continued.  "I'm kind of disappointed that you didn't do your flying thing,
but I like how it worked out anyway.  I was about ready to faint from the
pure emotion."

     Lance smiled at me as he finally got my attention away from JC.
"Well, that's JC's song you know.  All we really do is back-up."
     "Yeah," I stated.  "It shouldn't be any other way."  I saw JC blush a
little as I paid him a compliment.  I could see Chris snicker as Joey tried
not to laugh.
     "Well, we know you loved JC's singing, but what about everyone else?"
     "Oh," I acted surprised.  "You mean you guys were singing too?  Well,
I guess you were good - I wasn't cringing or anything."  I looked over and
smiled sweetly at Lance.  "But I don't remember ever hearing you.  Don't
you ever sing?"
     "Hey, watch it," he started.  "I lay the foundation and let the guys
take over from there.  Think about it - if you built a house on loose sand
it would shift and fall down.  But if you built it on a solid rock....well,
you know how it is."  I could see Lance try to make his chest swell up as
he tried to act big and macho.  I had to laugh when it barely moved.
     "Lance, bro, you need to get some muscles on your chest.  If I didn't
know any better I would figure you for a 11 year old girl."  Everyone broke
up laughing as he put on a fake pout.  I reached over and put an arm around
his shoulder and gave him a hug.  From the corner of my eye I could see JC
cringe as he stopped laughing abruptly.  I made a mental note to tell him
that there was nothing going on between me and Lance, either.

     We rested for half an hour or so when Lance stood up to leave.  The
rest of the guys followed as I looked around for my original clothing.
     "Um....guys?  Does anybody know where my clothes are?"
     "I'm pretty sure you're wearing them," Joey replied, completely
serious.
     "No, no.  The clothes I wore herer.  These are from the wardrobe
people, remember?"
     "Oh man, yeah.  Well, they're probably with Robin.  She takes care of
all our clothing.  Let me go check."  As Joey ran out of the room I
realized everyone else had left too.  I looked around and admired the room
for the first time.  I was impressed with how spacious it was.  The decor
was pretty cool too.  I guess I had just imagined a little room in the
corner where the guys would change and put their things.  This was much
nicer!

     I was facing the opposite direction when the door opened.  I figured
it was one of the guys so I continued looking at the contemporary painting
in front of me.  Suddenly I felt a finger tapping my shoulder.  I turned
around slowly and found myself face to face with JC.  He was holding my
clothes but his deep blue eyes were wide and I saw the questioning look on
his face.
     "Matt?  What are you doing?"
     "Not much, just checking out this painting."  I turned back to it as I
started speaking again.  "It has a nice flow to it.  The artist definitely
used long strokes," I stated.  "And look at the color - so vibrant and
beautiful.  You could tell he really cared about this piece."  JC stared at
it for a few seconds before he spoke.
     "Well, the colors are very nice.  But look at the way everything fits
together in the picture.  The little girl is standing down in the corner
under the tree.  The branches of that tree are reaching across the canvas,
trying to touch everything.  The house in the far distance is just below
one of the branches so it acts like a frame.  And the clouds are so
beautiful up there - you can almost see them floating through space."  He
stopped himself as he realized how much he had said.  "Um....sorry.  I just
really like the painting."

     I turned around and faced him once more, this time with a little anger
on my face.  "Do you realize how aggravating you are - always apologizing
for yourself?"  I could tell he was shocked but I didn't care.  I was going
to get through to him this time.  "You don't have to always be scared of
what others will think of your actions or words.  Just be yourself and let
people take you the way they will.  If they like you than good.  But if
they don't then they don't deserve to be your friend in the first place."

     He stared at me for a second as he thought about what I said.  Then he
dropped his head down to his chest and closed my eyes.  "God, how can you
be so damn confident?  You act like nothing in this world could affect you
and that you're capable of taking everything on at once.  How do you do
it?"
     It was my turn to pause as I considered what he had just said.  "You
really think it's a confidence?"  He nodded his head as he finally looked
up at me again.  "I guess I never really thought of it that way.  I just
know that I have to be myself or else I'll die on the inside.  I made a
promise to myself that I wouldn't hurt or hide myself just to please
someone else.  Maybe I've taken that a little too far."
     "No, don't say that.  I wasn't criticizing you.  I just can't believe
how incredible you are.  I've never met another person like you and you're
making me think about things that I normally wouldn't.  But as for
apologizing so much, I think it's just because I am scared of what other
people are going to think.  I can't just throw away my fears like that," he
threw his hand in the air.  "I'm not as strong as you are to be able to do
that."
     "But you do realize that you are special too, don't you?  You
shouldn't have to worry about other people because you are the only one who
counts."  I looked into his eyes to make sure my point got across.  "You
have to live with yourself 24/7.  If you're not happy on the inside then
you'll never truly be happy on the outside.  Sure, you'll tick some people
off sometimes - I've already said things to Justin and Lance that have hurt
their feelings - but you don't know how incredible it feels to be happy
with yourself.  To finally know that you can handle whatever life throws at
you."  I stopped as I realized what I said.  "Maybe it is a confidence I
have," I whispered.  "But it doesn't matter," I said a little louder.  "You
have to see that.  Please, for me."

     I saw JC looking down at his hands so I looked down also.  He had set
down my clothes when we first started talking about the painting and I was
now holding his hands and squeezing them ever so slightly without realizing
it.  I had done it without thinking about it.  I looked back up at him and
smiled.  He was staring into my eyes as I held my breath.  We stayed this
way for quite awhile, just peering into each others eyes.  His face was so
beautiful with the soft, smooth skin.  His eyes were pools of water that I
could almost feel against my skin.  His curly black hair was perfect as it
framed his face.  I could feel his warm hands against mine, his strong
fingers pressing into mine.  He finally broke the trance as he spoke up.

     "Matt....what are you thinking about right now?"  He whispered his
question but there was a force behind it - I could tell he really wanted to
know.  I decided to follow my own advise and throw caution to the wind.
     "I'm thinking of how beautiful you are.  Your skin, your eyes, your
hair, your hands.  But above all else you're heart.  I'm thinking of how
lucky I am that I actually got to meet you.  I'm thinking of all the times
I've lain awake in bed and wondered what it would be like to be with you -
completely with you.  I'm thinking of how much I don't want this moment to
end even though I just bared all of my secrets to you."

     I finally broke his gaze as I turned my head to the side.  I closed my
eyes as a tear streamed down my face.  I felt his hands leave mine and I
felt empty and alone.


To be continued....