Date: Fri, 25 Apr 2003 12:11:21 -0700 (PDT) From: JC Fanfic Subject: Picking up the Pieces of My Life Chapter One A Work of Fiction by JC Fan Fiction Nut Publications (c) Copyright 2003 Disclaimer: All Characters and situations of this story are fictional. Any similarities to actual living people and actual situations is purely coincidental. All fictional characters and fictional situations portrayed in this work of fiction remains the property of JC Fan Fiction Nut Publications. Republishing of this work of fiction is strictly forbidden unless permission as been given by JC Fan Fiction Nut Publications. Permission granted to Nifty Archives for the sole purpose of posting on the Boy Bands section of the Archives. Permission may be obtained by e-mailing JC Fan Fiction Nut Publications at JC_Fan_Fiction@yahoo.com Comments are welcome too. Constructive Comments and advice are welcome. Honest opinions are welcome as well. And if you want to vent all over me as long it is good natured than feel free too do that to. Warning: This first few chapters are very sad. But I promise as the story goes along it will get happier. E-mail me at JC_Fan_Fiction@yahoo.com Picking up the Pieces of My Life Saying goodbye Chapter One "Mr. Smith?" asked a voice. I shook myself awake and looked around. Yes I was still in the same hospital room where I had spent the last few weeks. Sleeping peacefully in the bed for now was Pam, my wife of just over four years. "Mr. Smith?" prodded the voice again. "Yes" I replied. "Can I have a few words with you?" the doctor asked. "What is it?" Pam asked as she opened her eyes and looked around. I quickly kissed her forehead. "Go back to sleep dear," I soothed her. She had been up for most of the night with pain and I wanted her to get as much rest as possible. She smiled that sweet cute smile that she reserved only for me and closed her eyes. I stood up and stretched and followed the doctor out. We went across the hall into a small conference room. After sitting and declining a cup of coffee I pressed the doctor to tell what was going on. "Ok Doc," I prodded. "Tell me what is going on?" He sighed and shook his head sadly. "I'm sorry Mr. Smith," he sighed again. "But the cancer is spreading and it is spreading fast." "So we start chemo and radiation again?" I asked hopefully. He shook his head no. "What do you mean no?" I demanded. "Are you saying there is no hope?" "I'm sorry Mr. Smith," the doctor said sadly. "But the cancer has spread to too many systems in her body. Her body is starting to shut down. The most we can hope for is a week or two." "A week or two?" I yelped out. "A week or two?" The doctor nodded. "I want a second opinion!" "That is certainly within your right sir but I have to tell you that they are just going to say the same thing," he replied. "You should call her family and start making arrangements." "Arrangements for what?" I asked looking straight ahead. "For her funeral and other final arrangements," he explained softly. "I'm sorry I have another appointment. I can send the chaplain in if you want." "A chaplain?" I laughed scornfully. "You think I want a chaplain? You are fucking nuts. All I want is my wife back healthy and whole! And you just took that away from me." I heard the door shut and I remained sitting there for another hour before getting up and going back to the room. I reached for the door handle and realized that I had a job to do. I had to tell my wife that she was going to die. That this was the last road. "God!" I whimpered. "How can I do this?" "Do what son?" asked a female voice behind me. I turned and looked into the eyes of Ruth my mother in law. "What is going on?" I gestured her into the hospital room where Pam was sitting up and playing with our son Donny. She was tickling him and he was giggling as loud as he could. I choked back the tears as I realized that Donny was going to loose his mommy. I must have made a noise because Pam looked up. I quickly plastered on a grin. "Good morning sweetie," she said brightly. "Want to help teach our son a lesson in who is boss?" Donny was all smiles and his hair was all messed up from their little wrestling session. I nodded for Ruth to take Donny. "Pam I need to talk to you," I said softly. "I want your mother to take Donny out for breakfast." Ruth looked at me with questions in her eyes. "Mom I promise I'll tell you everything. I just don't want Donny to hear this right now." I could tell by the look on Ruth's face that she realized that this was going to be bad. But to her credit she put on a happy grandmother face and took Donny's hand and led him out of the room. Even with the heavy heart I had I had to smile at his begging to be taken to McDonalds. "Ok husband," Pam said softly as she patted the bed beside her. "Tell me what is wrong." "I just talked to the Doctor this morning," I said as I sat down and wrapped my arms around her thin body. "And?" she asked with hope in her eyes. The hope was so strong that I wanted to tell her that everything was going to be fine. That she would come home and watch Donny go to his first day in school and that he would make his first soccer score. That she would be there to watch him ride his bike for the first time. I wanted to tell her that she would be there when he went on his first date. Receive his first Holy Communion, and all of the things that a mother should get to see. I looked at her and I lost it. The tears started to fall and I couldn't get them to stop. Sobs racked my body as I held on to her for dear life. Finally I was all cried out and I looked up into her eyes. They were wet but I could still see the love and determination in her eyes. "So this is it." "I'm so sorry," I sniffled. "I'm so sorry that you have to die. I'm so sorry that Donny will grow up without his mommy." "I'm sorry too dear," Pam said softly. "I had hoped that I would be able to beat this cancer thing. But I'm not going to beable to beat it. So now we have work to do." I was amazed at her dedication again. Here I had just told her that she was dying and she was making plans on what to do next. Before I realized it three hours had passed and the door opened and in came running Donny with grandma walking behind him. "Mommy!" he squealed. "We went to the flower shop and got you pretty flowers!" He handed her a boquet of flowers and Pam took them and smelled them and smiled at him. "We had McDonalds for breakfast!" "Sweetie," Pam said softly. "You and I and Daddy have to have a grown up talk right now." "Do you want me to go?" Ruth asked. "No mom," Pam said wiping a tear from her eyes. "I need you to stay." The pleading in her eyes was too much for me. More tears flowed and by now Donny had seen us both cry and was starting to realize that this was not good. His little lip stuck out in a pout as he climbed up in my lap. This was going to be rough and long day. From Pam's point of view. I watched as Donny slept in the sofa. His little eyes were closed and I could still see the tear streaks down his face. It broke my heart to have to explain to him that I was going to heaven and he couldn't come. I looked over at Don my husband. He tried to be so strong but I could tell that his heart was breaking into a million pieces right now. I realized that I had to do something. I had to call in a favor. I just hope that he would come. "Sweetie," I said softly. "I need you to take Donny home and put him to bed. Mom will be there later to watch him and than you can come back. When you put Donny down I want you to shower and get a good meal in and get some sleep. You are going to need your strength for this." "Will you be all right?" he asked looking at me with love and concern in his eyes. "Yes I'll be fine. The pain medication has kicked in and I'll be fine for a few more hours. Now be a good husband and do what I ask," I pleaded with him. I watched as he picked up the sleeping child and walk out the door with him. As soon as he was out of the room I picked up the phone and dialed a number. It rang three times before I heard his voice. "Speak!" he demanded in the phone. "Hello Josh," I said sighing. "I need to call in that favor." In Orlando Florida From JC's Point of View "Yo Josh!" exclaimed a hyper Justin. "Phone for you." Talking into the phone. "I'm sorry I'm not Josh but he is coming shortly." I ran into the office and grabbed my cell phone from Justin's hands. "This is Josh," I said into the receiver. "Josh it's me Pam," Pam Smith said back at me. "I need you." The tone of her voice sent shivers down my spine. Her voice told me she was in trouble. "What is wrong?" I said making sure that I was alone. "I'm dying," Pam replied. "I need you to come to Colorado and help take care of Don my husband and my son Donny." Tears welled up in my eyes as I heard the devastating news. "Josh?" asked a suddenly worried Justin. "What's wrong?" "Hold on a minute Pam," I said softly. Turning to Justin. "Can you get me a plane ticket to Denver?" "Yea sure," Justin said still wearing that scared look on his face. "But I'm making it two tickets." I went to argue but I could tell by the look on his face that he was not going to take no for an answer. I nodded and turned my attention back to Pam. "Ok," I said softly. "I'm back. Now tell me what I can do to help." Back in Denver From Pam's point of view. "Thanks JC," I said into the phone. "I can't tell you how much this is going to mean to me." I hung up the phone and leaned back in the bed. I heard the door open and watched as Don came in. He was showered and looked better. "Husband sit and listen to me. Don sat down and took my hand. I shivered at his touch. I loved it when he touched me. I loved it. "I want you to promise me you will follow your heart after I am gone." "What do you mean?" Don asked me. I sighed and looked up. I was trying to find a good way to say this. "I want you to find a good man and fall in love with him and be happy," I said bluntly. Don took a sudden breath in. "Yes dear I know, in fact I've known for a long time now." "You don't hate me?" I asked. "How can I hate you?" Pam asked. "You've sacrificed so much of your life so that Donny and me could have a good life. I love you for what you did." "But I lied to you," Don said with tears flowing down his face. "No you didn't lie to me. You promised me you would love me and only me. And you did. You never once cheated on me, and for that I will always be grateful. Now that I am leaving you and Donny I want you to find the true love of your life and settle down and be happy. In fact I am sending two very attractive young men here to help you." She smiled at me and took my hand and kissed it lightly. "Want to know who they are?" "You're dying and you still have time to matchmake for me?" I asked shocked. She laughed softly. "Ok who are they?" "Justin Timberlake and JC Chasez," she said with a grin. "JC is my best friend. And I asked him to come up here and help you with the funeral and stuff." "And you think something is going to happen?" I asked. JC was a very attractive man. But I wasn't looking for a man right now. I was desperately trying to hold onto my wife. "Well he is gay you know," she giggled. "How do you know that?" I demanded. "Because he told me," she replied. "And he is single! Well at least I think he is." Two Weeks later From Don's point of view. My little family was kneeling around Pam's bedside praying the Rosary. Donny was sitting in a chair with his little rosary in his hand. My rosary was in my hands too. Ruth was kneeling on the other side of the bed. JC and Justin were in the room and maintaining a respectful distance. "I love you." I said softly. I had taken to interrupting the prayers to tell my wife that I loved her. I was panicking to get in as many `I love you' as possible. I knew that our time was running short as husband and wife. "I love you." I could hear JC and Justin talking quietly among themselves. I heard JC tell Justin that there wasn't much more time. Justin had his arms wrapped around Donny. Donny was staring at Pam and me with large frightened eyes. He knew he was losing his mommy and he was scared to death. Justin had attached himself to Donny from the first night that Justin and JC had arrived in town. "I love you Pam." Her eyes locked on to mine I could see her answer in them. She was no longer able to talk but we continued to communicate with our eyes and hearts. "Remember that always. I love you Pamela Smith." Fresh tears flowed down my face. Taking a deep breath I finished the Rosary. "Hail Holy Queen, Mother of Mercy, our life, our sweetness and our hope. To thee do we cry, poor banished children of Eve. To thee do we send up our sighs, mourning and weeping in this valley of tears. Turn, then, most gracious advocate, thine eyes of mercy towards us; and after this our exile, show unto us the blessed fruit of thy womb, Jesus. O clement, O loving, O sweet Virgin Mary. Pray for us, O Holy Mother of God, that we may be made worthy of the promises of Christ. Amen," I glanced up and looked into the face of my wife. I watched as Ruth held up the Crucifix from the same Rosary that Pam had held on our wedding day to her lips. Pam's lips graced the feet of the Crucified Christ. I watched as her chest rose once more and than she breathed no more. I heard JC strangle back a sob. Justin wrapped his arms around JC as JC buried his head into his shoulder. I listened as the doctor droned on about the time of death that Pam had passed on. I reached up and touched her still warm face and looked into the lifeless eyes. I realized that at that point she was just a shell. What was my wife was no more. Her soul had passed on. I heard Donny's soft cries and I turned my attention to him. Justin let Donny go and Donny leapt into my arms burying his face into my shoulder. I laid his little head on my shoulder and allowed him to cry all he wanted. "Hey little man," I whispered in his ear. "Mommy loves you so much." He continued to cry. "She is in heaven now where there is no more pain or suffering. She is happy and is looking down at us. She loves us and I love you and I will be here at your side taking care of you." Donny continued to cry his little eyes out. Justin reached for him and I reluctantly handed him over. Justin and Donny had forged a deep friendship over the course of the last two weeks. We all said our final good byes to Pam and than quietly left the hospital room and headed for home. Home to pick up the rest of the pieces of my life. The next 24 hours passed quickly. There was the family members to call and the funeral arrangements to be made. JC and Justin moved into the guest rooms and took over as much as they could. I tried to protest but JC would hear nothing of it. He insisted that he was here to help and help is what he would do. I had to admit that I liked having him around. Justin was a pleasure too. He loved children and when he saw Donny's little sad face he started to cry too. The two bounded immediately. It was so cute. JC was always at my side helping me with everything. I had even borrowed his shoulder to cry on several times a day. The hardest time was sleeping in that huge bed all by myself. I had finally gave up and headed out onto the couch. JC was there through it all. I wondered in the back of my mind just how long he was planning to stay. "Mr. Smith?" asked a male voice. I looked up at the coffin that I was picking out. It was a wood Coffin of a cherry finished. "Is this the one you wanted?" "Yes," I replied. "Cherry was Pam's favorite wood." "Very good sir," the mortician said softly. I nodded as he continued to drone on about the options that I had. This funeral was going to cost a pretty penny. But I didn't care. Pam had seen this coming for quite some time and had managed to get a life insurance policy with me as the beneficiary. She also had one for Donny too. We were set for a long time. "Hey Don," JC's soft voice drifted over me. "How are you holding up?" "As good as can be expected," I sighed. "I'll be glad when this is over." "Yea picking out coffins is not my idea of a fun time," JC replied. "Yea well this last year hasn't been a fun time either," I muttered bitterly. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped." "Hey," JC soothed me. "You have nothing to be sorry for. You're allowed to snap at me all you want." I smiled at him and he smiled back. "How is Donny doing?" I asked. "Well last I checked he was taking Justin for all of his quarters and dollar bills," JC said with a giggle. "They are at the arcade playing video games and pigging out on pizza." My eyes watered up and I could feel the tears rolling down my face. "Hey," JC said softly as he wrapped his arms around me. "What is it?" "Why?" I asked looking into his eyes. "Why are you doing this for me?" "Because Pam was a good friend of mine and I'm here because she asked me to come and I am now very good friends with her husband," JC replied. "And good friends help each other out." "But you have your own lives, you and Justin both. Why would you put your lives on hold to help me and Donny?" I was confused. I was having these feelings of need and want for JC and I hadn't even buried my wife yet. And I thought I had dealt with these emotions and I thought that they were buried in the past. But now they were returning and I felt my self feeling as if I was betraying my wife. "What do you want in return?" "Nothing," JC replied. "I don't want a thing. Well actually there is one thing I want." "And that is?" I asked. "A chance to get to know you and Donny better," JC replied. "I think we can do that," I smiled. "Good on that note than why don't we go find Justin and Donny and get some lunch," JC suggested. "I'm not hungry," I replied. But seeing the concerned face I changed my mind. "But I need to keep up my strength. So a sandwich would be good right about now." A half hour later I walked into the pizza and arcade place in time to hear the very welcomed sound of my son's laugh. I looked over to see him spraying silly string all over Justin. Justin was spraying silly string at Donny too. Donny had bright blue silly string and Justin had orange. I looked at JC and saw his eyes bright with humor. "Should we interrupt their fun?" I asked JC. "I don't know," JC said grinning. "It is good to see Donny smiling." "Yea but they are starting to draw some attention," I said pointing to customers looking in the direction of the two. "Yea I guess you are right," JC sighed. "I'll take the big kid you take the little one." We walked over to the two. "Ahem!" coughed JC. Justin jerked his head around at JC. "Ahem!" I coughed too. Donny looked up at me. His face was flushed with happiness. "Are you two having fun?" "He started it!" Donny said pointing to Justin. Justin's mouth popped open in shock. It had seemed that Donny had decided to rat poor Justin out. "Oh really?" I said grinning at JC. "What should we do about that JC?" By now JC had gotten a can of silly string from another customer. "Well I think there is only way to handle this," JC said grinning a very naughty grin. I had to admit it made JC look very sexy. Ok where did that come from? Before I could stop him he pointed the can at Justin and proceded to spray Justin with the silly string. Donny's high pitch giggles filled the room. Soon we were all laughing the expense of poor Justin. He took it all in good humor too. After we cleaned up all the mess we found a table. "How did it go?" Justin asked JC softly. "As well as can be expected," JC replied. "All the arrangements are done. All we have to do is basically show up." "How are you doing?" Justin asked me directly. "Better," I replied as I took a bite out of my BLT. "The insurance check came in today so the bills are paid." "Have you given any thought about what you and Donny are going to do next?" JC asked softly. "What do you mean?" I asked confused. "Well are you going to continue to live here or move?" JC asked. I had a feeling this was leading up to something. "What difference does it make if we live here or somewhere else?" I asked. If JC was up to something he was going to have to spill the goods. JC looked at Justin and Justin nodded. "What is going on?" I demanded. "Before Pam passed away she asked me to come out here," JC started. "Yea I know," I replied. Where was this headed? "But you and Pam were friends. So she needed you here." "No," JC replied. "She asked me to come here to help you and Donny out." "Umm that is really nice," I started only to have JC hold up his hand. "Listen Donny," he said grabbing my hand. "You are going to need help. I mean you have a lot to deal with right now. Your son is heart broken and needs to be around people who love him. Justin loves him so much and so do I. We also care very much about you too. I guess what we are trying to say is this." "We want you two to come out to Florida with us," Justin blurted out. "Hello!" JC hissed at Justin. "Try to break it to him gently!" "Gently or not why should I move out there?" I demanded. "I am very happy here! I have a house that I love and I have plenty of money to live off of." "What are you going to do for a living?" JC demanded. "You're not going to just live off of your dead wife's money are you?" Ok so that was below the belt. "I'm not ready to go back to work yet!" I hurled at him. "Jesus! I haven't even buried my wife yet!" "JC he is right," Justin said softly. "We don't have to talk about this right now." "Fine!" JC said in a huff and got up and walked out of the building. I sat back and sighed. I had pissed JC off and that was the last thing I wanted to do. "What was all that about?" I demanded. Justin looked down. "Justin?" I demanded. "Listen it is not in my place to say anything," Justin mumbled. "You should really talk to JC about it." "Fine that is exactly what I am going to do!" I huffed as I got up and walked too. Once outside I spotted JC sitting on a bench. He as staring down at his feet. I sat next to him and tapped him on the shoulder. "What?" he shot at me. "What was that all about?" I asked softly. "I mean what is the real reason you want me to move down to Florida with you?" "You need me," JC said bluntly. "You and Donny need us." "Why?" I asked confused. "You just do!" JC repeated. "Listen you and Donny have been through hell the last year. You've had to watch your wife slowly die and Donny has had to loose his mother slowly over the last year. You need companionship. You need friends close to you. I like you and so does Justin. Let us help you. You can come down and live with us and we can help you get through this. We can help you pick up the pieces of your life. We can help you start over." "What if I don't want to start over?" I asked. "I mean what if I don't want to move?" I could see that JC hadn't thought of that. "I love it here." "Why do you love it here?" JC pressed on. "Because Pam is here," I said softly. "Everywhere I look I see Pam." "That's not healthy," JC replied. "You need to move on with your life and start over." "Not now!" I insisted. "I'm not ready to move on yet! Why are you pushing me towards this? I mean come on JC. What is the real reason you are doing this." "I care about you!" JC insisted. "Ok?" "No," I said bluntly. "Not ok. There is more going on than just you caring about me. Now I want to know what it is." "Not now Ok," JC said with a pained expression on his face. "Ok you win for now. We won't discuss this for now. But you have to agree not to discuss me going with you guys either," I negotiated with him. "Ok Deal," JC said with a small grin. "Now let's go back to lunch." After eating lunch we headed for home. Now I live in a nice town house. Three Bedrooms to be exact. All of them upstairs. And everywhere is reminders of Pam. Well there should be. I mean she decorated the place. I was doing ok until Justin commented on the décor of the place. Well needless to say I went bawling up stairs into our old room. I fell onto the bed and cried myself to sleep. Needless to say JC was having a field day yelling at poor Justin. From JC's point of view. "Good going Justin!" I hurled at Justin. "I'm sorry," Justin said meekly. "I had no idea that he would explode like that." "Well think about it! He just lost his wife just a little over 24 hours ago. He is nervous wreck and the last thing he needs to do is dwell on the fact that his wife decorated this place!" I stormed passed him leaving him alone. I crept up stairs and peeked in on Don. To my relief he was sleeping soundly in the middle of his bed. I watched him sleep for a few minutes. He was a very good looking guy. It was obvious that he worked out on a regular basis. He had tossed his shirt off and his jeans too. So he was just in his boxers so I got a good look at his chest and abs. He wasn't built like a body builder but he was cut and defined. He was pretty much hairless too. I allowed my eyes to travel further down. I noticed that his package filled out his boxers rather well. And from the treasure trail I knew that he had a pretty good bush of pubes down there. He turned slightly and his limp cock slipped out of the opening in the boxers. It was about five inches soft and my watered at the possibility of taking it in my mouth. I shook those thoughts from my head. I remembered Pam's warning when she and I talked about me dating Don. I heard a moan and looked down to see his cock at full staff. Yep, I was going to enjoy riding that cock when we finally did hook up well that is of course if we hooked up. I could feel myself getting hard so I quickly left the room and was going to start heading down stairs when I heard a whimper from Donny's room. I peaked in and saw him sitting on his bed hugging his teddy bear crying his eyes out. Seeing that cute little boy cry his eyes out broke my heart. I walked in and sat down next to him. "Hey," I said softly. He launched him self at me and wrapped his arms around my stomach. "I want mommy!" he sobbed loudly. "Why did she have to go?" I tried to think of something to say but I realized that maybe I didn't have to say anything. I laid back on his bed and he snuggled up to me and laid his little head on my chest. Soon he was sound asleep. At some point I fell asleep too. I was just so comfortable that I fell asleep. From Don's point of view. I woke up and sat up and realized that I had fallen asleep in our room. I eased out of bed and slipped on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt and headed out the door. I peaked into Donny's room and smiled. JC had fallen sleep with Donny. Since JC was sleep I took this time to really get a good look at JC. I could see the beginning of his abs for his shirt has raised up just enough so that I could get a peak at them. His abs from what I could see were really defined. I looked at his face and decided that he had to be best looking man around. He was skinny but very attractive. Maybe Pam was right. Maybe JC and I had a chance. "Penny for your thoughts?" came a voice from behind me. I looked back to see Justin standing behind me. "They are so cute together," I said softly. "Yea JC would make a great daddy one day," Justin said sadly. "You say that as if that won't happen," I replied. "Well he is gay," Justin blurted out. For some reason that comment made me very happy. "Really?" I asked grinning. Pam had told me that JC was Gay but hearing it from Justin and confirming it was good to hear. I wondered--. I guess I had a dreamy look on my face and Justin caught it too and grinned. "What?" I asked trying to act all innocent. "You like him," Justin said with a triumphant grin on his face. I sighed and looked back at the sleeping JC. "I won't deny that I have feelings of sorts for him. And I won't deny that I find him very attractive. Hell I find both of you very attractive. But I am not ready for a relationship Justin," Justin nodded but still wore that very happy look on his face. "And how do I know that JC has feelings for me?" "Oh trust me," Justin giggled. "He does." "And for that matter how do you know I am gay?" I asked staring hard at Justin. "I just lost my wife Justin." "Gay people get married all the time," Justin replied shrugging his shoulders. "We all do things because we have to." "Like what?" I asked suddenly curious. "Like you," Justin replied. "You got married and had a kid. You wanted to do that right?" I nodded. "But you're gay. JC is gay and he is looking for boyfriend." "But Pam and JC were friends. Isn't that a little weird?" I asked confused. "I mean wouldn't JC feel guilty as hell for falling for his best friends husband?" "Yea he probably does but that won't stop him if he wants you," Justin said. "When JC wants something he goes all out." We heard Donny whimper softly and I looked up to see him sitting up in bed. He saw me and clamored out of bed and ran over to me. I leaned down and picked him up. I inhaled deeply breathing in his little boy scent. I also noticed the distinct scent of JC's cologne too. I found it very attractive. "Hey little buddy," I said smiling at him. "What's wrong?" "I miss Mommy," he replied softly. "I want to see mommy." I realized at this point that it was going to take a long time for Donny to get over the death of his mommy. "Baby," I said softly. "I know you miss mommy and I miss her too. But mommy can't be here with us right now." "Why?" Donny asked frowning. "Donny?" Justin soft voice drifted over us. "Do you know about God?" Donny nodded as he sniffled loudly. "Well God needs your mommy right now." "Why?" Donny asked. "Because your mommy is so pretty and so wonderful that God wanted her up there," Justin said. "But I want mommy down here!" Donny replied stubbornly. "God can pick someone else to come up there!" I tried really hard not laugh and managed to cover it up with a cough. "I know you do sweetie," Justin said with tears running down his face. "But when God calls one of his children home we have to obey him. You obey your daddy don't you?" Donny nodded quickly. "Well God is our heavenly father and we have to obey him too." "So mommy is obeying God by going to heaven?" Donny asked. Justin nodded. "Well then mommy should stay up there than. Cause if Mommy disobeys God he might send her to bed without dinner!" This time I did laugh and so did Justin. Our laughing woke up JC and he eased out of bed and walked over to us. "What's so funny?" he asked as he ruffled Donny's hair. "We were explaining to Donny why his mommy had to go to heaven," Justin replied. "Did you have a good nap?" JC nodded as he laid his head against my shoulder. I know it was an innocent move but it felt good. Justin noticed and smirked. "What?" JC asked looking confused. "Nothing," Justin replied smugly. "Why don't we all go down stairs and decide what we are doing for the rest of the evening." I eased out form under JC and followed Justin down stairs. Donny was already down and had the TV on and was watching Sponge Bob. Justin plopped down beside him and was soon engrossed in watching it too. JC and I sat down on the couch and begin to have a long talk. "Ok so if I decide to try this thing what is going to happen?" I asked JC bluntly. "I have a huge house," JC said. "I'm the only one in it and well I guess I was hoping that maybe you would move in with me." "Won't that disrupt your life?" I asked. "I mean having me move in won't be that big of a deal but having a three year old child move in would really change your life. Are you prepared to take an active role in raising Donny?" I watched as JC's face looked down at Donny. I noticed that it had an almost lonely look on it. "JC?" I prodded. "I love children," JC whispered. "I'm gay and I've pretty much given up all hope of having any children of my own. I would love to be a part of Donny's life no matter how small." He looked up at me and I looked into his blue eyes. I couldn't help but get lost in them. "So," he said in a soft voice. "You maybe thinking of moving down to Florida with us?" "Do you have feelings for me?" I blurted out. JC jerked his head up and locked his eyes on mine. "Cause right now is not a good time to start a relationship right now. I mean, I guess what I am trying to say is that umm--," his finger graced my lips and I heard a soft shhh and I followed his advice. I stopped babbling. I waited for him to continue to talk. "When I first saw you and saw the heart break in your eyes and heard you cry yourself to sleep for the first couple of nights that we were here I have to admit that I did have some feelings for you. I hurt when you do. I smile when you do," JC admitted. "And now that we have gotten to know each other better well I am convinced that those feelings are for real. I do have feelings for you Donny and some day I would love to act on them. But I know that you lost your wife and you are morning her. I would never dream of intruding on that right now. Even though Pam was playing matchmaker for us I think we should take it at a slower pace." "I think I can live with that," I smiled. "Now about us moving down to Florida with you and Justin. I would love to try it out. But we need to get Donny's ok on it too." "Well I think we should wait until after the funeral for that," JC suggested. "I think that is a good idea," I replied. It was at that point that my stomach growled loudly. "And on that note I think we should think about eating dinner. What is everyone in the mood for?" "Hamburgers!" Justin and Donny spoke up. I looked at JC and he nodded. "Ok I'll fire up the grill and Justin and JC if you will go down to corner store and get some meat buns and potato salad and baked beans we can get this cook out started." "Why don't Donny go with Justin and I'll stay behind and help you with the grill," JC suggested. I had to admit that it did sound like a good idea. "Sounds good to me," I smiled. Later while Justin and Donny were out. "So how do you light this thing?" JC asked looking at the smoker grill. "I don't see the knobs or gas bottle." I giggled at him and put down the heavy bag of charcoal by his feet. "What is that?" he asked. "This my dear is charcoal," I replied with a grin. I lifted up the large lid and started to remove the iron grates and than picked up the ash grate and dumped it into the trash can. "And we put the charcoal in this grate and then we pour lighter fluid on it and than light it." JC picked up the bag of charcoal and I watched as he poured some of the charcoal into the grill. He was wearing a sleeveless shirt and that allowed me the chance to watch his arm and shoulder muscles move under his thin layer of skin. After he was done I picked up the bottle of fluid and doused the charcoal and than tossed a match into it. In no time at all we had the charcoal hot and ready for the burgers. We sat down on the patio furniture and waited for Justin and Donny to return. "So what do you do for a living?" JC asked. "Well I was the personal assistant to Rich of LFO," I replied. "Didn't they break up?" JC asked. "Yea well they say they are taking a break. Rich is going it alone and he needed a PA so I was hired for the job," I replied. "But I quit after he made a pass at me." JC was taking a drink from his beer bottle at the time I said that and needless to say beer went shooting from his mouth. I started to laugh and he just glared at me while he wiped himself clean. "Sorry about that," I giggled. "You mean Rich is gay?" JC asked. "Nahh," I replied. "Just horny as hell. Whether it is a mouth pussy or ass he doesn't care. Just as long as he gets his rocks off." JC nodded and resumed drinking his beer. I heard the high squeal on Donny's laughter drift out on the patio and than heard his little feet pattering on the kitchen tile. Justin came trotting out behind him carrying a plate of meat patties. "We can have a cook out now!" Donny exclaimed as he hopped in JC's lap. So with Donny's announcement we all pitched in and soon had dinner done. After Donny was fed and bathed and put into bed Justin announced that he was going shopping. That left me and JC to talk. I led him into the living room and sat down in the very comfortable sofa. He sat down next to me. It seemed like the most natural thing to do so I picked up his legs and placed them in my lap and JC leaned back against the cushions. He sighed as he closed his eyes. I looked at him and realized how tired he was. I suddenly had an idea. I picked up the remote to the fireplace and turned it on. I than hit the music remote and turned it on too. Soon soft strains of piano music was playing through the speakers over head. I nudged him until he opened his eyes. "Come here," I said softly. He looked confused. "Don't worry, I just want hold you." He smiled at that and came over to me and leaned back against my chest. I leaned back against the soft confines of the couch. I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him as close as I could. Bending down I planted a soft kiss on his forehead. "Now be a good house guest and go to sleep." JC mumbled something that sounded like thanks and was soon sound asleep. As I held onto JC I thought about my life. Four years ago I was happy with Pam. Yes I was gay and I had gay lovers in the past. I tried to think back on those lovers and tried to gauge my love for them. I finally gave up and realized that what I felt for them was no where even close to what I was feeling right now. I looked down to see JC's eyes open and looking up at me. "What are you doing awake?" "Looking at you," JC replied. "You are beautiful you know that?" I blushed and looked away. "I really want to kiss you right now." "Than why don't you?" I asked. I watched as his face moved close to mine. I could feel the warm breath on my face. Our lips were mere centimeters from each other. His lips touched mine first. I would love to say that time stood still during that kiss but that wouldn't be true. Time continued on while we kissed. I felt every moment and tasted ever second of the kiss. JC's tongue ran along the inside of my mouth and I shivered as I slid my tongue into his mouth. JC let out this cutest little whimper as his arms wrapped around me. I also noticed that his clothe covered cock was gently thrusting into my crotch. I gently eased him away from me and smiled at the soft little pout on his face. "I promise that we can do this more," I smiled. "But for now let's shut off the fireplace and take this upstairs." JC didn't say anything I took that for yes. I took his hand and led him upstairs into my room. I had had all the sheets washed and new ones put on the bed. After stripping to my boxers and JC stripped down too. I pulled back the blankets and he slid in and I slid in behind him. I spooned into JC wrapping my arms around him. I shivered at the feel of his flesh against mine. I could tell he enjoyed it too. I kissed him lightly on the bare shoulder and closed my eyes. I fell into the most peaceful slumber I have had in over a year. I felt a pair of lips gracing my shoulder. I grunted and snuggled deeper into the soft confines of the blankets and comforters. I heard a giggle and than I felt the lips again. I opened an eye and looked up to see a cheerful JC grinning down at me. "Good morning," he said softly as he ran his finger along the side of my face. "How did you sleep?" "Very well thank you. How about you?" I asked. "Better than I can ever remember," JC sighed as he wrapped his arms around me and pulled closer to him. "Do you think we should get up?" "Yea umm we have to," I said as it all came back to me. "We have my wife to bury." Well talk about pouring cold piss over everything. After a period of long silence we climbed out of bed and got showered and dressed. Donny was staying at home today. He is best friend Dylan was coming over to play. I put on my suit and JC put his on too. I had to admit that he looked hot in his. Finally looked at the clock and saw it was time to go. JC walked out of the house first followed by me and than lastly Justin. We climbed into the limo together and left for the church. I was going to close a major part of my life. I was going to bury Pam. Question was. How was I going to get on with my life with out her? I looked over at JC and saw him looking at me. I leaned over and kissed him lightly on the lips. I heard Justin take a sudden breath in. I looked over at him and saw that he had a smile on his face too. Yea I may be burying my wife today but at least I had a bright future. TBC