Date: Mon, 24 Dec 2001 05:09:58 +0000 From: Suma L Subject: Pinball Wizard 8 Well, It's Christmas time! My birthday was the 12th. It's been a long, difficult year for me. I'm listening to the N Sync - Home For The Holidays C/D. It's depressing me actually. I didn't think that was possible. I was just informed me I typed to fast. I only type 125 wpm. That's not too bad. Most of my friends do about 80. Anyway, I've got to go put up the blue Christmas lights I got to match my room. OH NIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT diviiiiiiine... Ohhh, Niiiight.. When Christ was born. (Scary thing is I have two versions of that. One South Park with Cartman, and one with N Sync.) I'd like to tell you about a very good book I own. It's called The Perks Of Being A Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky. Good book. I also own Boy Culture by Matthew Rettonmund or however you spell it. Good book as well. Want to know about my personality? I have friends that refer to me as Cartman. Not only can I do the voice.. I'm supposedly like him. That's bad. Bad. No, really, I'm not that bad. By the way, really fun good song. Stupid Cupid sung by Connie Francis or the Mandy Moore version from the Princess Diaries. Listen to it. You'll like it and laugh. --Sum --Sumacumlaude@hotmail.com http://www.geocities.com/SumSumLovesYou Let's go! Raa - THIS IS FOR YOU! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Three months. It had been three months since JC left me... I don't blame him. I really don't. But three months of lonliness does a lot to a guy. It makes him independent. But it also makes him one other thing... depressed. My days had been spent doing lame tasks. I don't have to work because my parents pay for everything in the house. So, when I say lame tasks, I mean things like... thinking... laundry... Laundry had become a biggie. I started doing laundry almost everyday. My clothes had never smelt better. Joey visited every other day. I couldn't make a commitment to him. I couldn't bring myself to do it. I felt so guilty after JC left. It was all my fault. I had run him out. I don't think that even JC and Joey talk now. They're relationship is kind of scarred. So, Joey and I have just been good friends since. Chris comes over every so often to bother me. He usually tells me what JC's doing, which is a various assortment of things from taking up smoking to buying towels for his new apartment. Justin... Justin's really the only true friend I've got. He visits almost everyday. He tells me how JC's really doing. I'm sure he tells JC how I'm doing, which is bad. According to Justin, Josh is sad. A lot. He doesn't do a whole lot. Kind of mopes around. The whole group singing thing kind of dropped after JC and I broke up. It took backseat to friendship. Our friendships are more important than our singing in some crummy group. This is real people. Real stuff. I sighed and kicked off my shoes. There was nothing good on the radio except sad songs. Justin came over to put up my Christmas decorations. He was rambling about things. I wanted to know some real dirt. "So, what's Josh been up to?" I scratched my nose. I think I have fleas. Honestly. I itch way to abnormally much. "He's... he's okay. He doesn't know whether or not he will be spending Christmas with his family." "I was thinking of having a Christmas party." "Oh, that would be cool, Lance! Who all are you going to invite?" "You, Joey, Chris.... JC.... JC and I's other mutual friends." I heard him drop the lights he told me he was going to put up first. "That... could be... cool. Maybe it would be good for both of you to see eachother." "Maybe." "When are you going to have it?" "I'm thinking maybe Friday." "Yeah. I don't think many people are that busy Friday. Most are going out of town on Saturday anyway. So, what are you doing for Christmas? Going to see the parents?" "No, actually. They're going on this second honeymoon thing to Hawaii." "You're not going to be all alone, are you?" "Yeah, probably, but it's okay. It'll be fine. I've never liked Christmas anyway." "Lance, I'm sorry that I'm going to see my parents." He hugged me. "I would love to stay here with you, but I haven't seen my family in ages and I already bought a ticket." "I know. Joey's flying to see his parents, and Chris is planning to actually drive all the way to go see his mom." "Yeah. Big risk taker there." "I know..." "Well, how about I help you plan this Christmas party, okay?" "Alright." I sighed. It was going to be a long, lonely December. It's times like these I wish I had a guide dog or something. Companionship is nice in pet-wise moderation. ~~~~~~~~~~ Music played softly in the background. I could hear everyone talking, but so far, barely anyone had come up to me. HelLO? It's MY party! "LANCE! Great party, man!" Joey. "Yeah. It's just the best." "I just met the hottest chick. Do you know Laila?" "The song or the girl?" "Girl." "Good, cuz I've only heard the song once. Yeah, Laila and JC worked at the bank back when he used to work there before he quit and stuff. I hear she's pretty." "Man, she's a BABE. I think I'm gonna get with her tonight!" "Be careful, and don't break her heart!" "Kay! Thanks man! Bye!" I heard him thud off. Justin and Chris had already talked to me earlier in the evening, and had now gone off to mingle. I was depressed and lonely. Again. At my own party. This wasn't healthy. "Hello." I knew who it was the minute I heard the voice. I nervously turned towards the sound. "Hello, Josh." "How are you doing?" "Fine now that I'm away from you." I wanted to kick myself. I didn't want to say that. Don't know how it happened! I can't believe I just said that. "That's good to know. What have you been up to?" "Lot's of things." Lie, la-lie. "Like what?" Why couldn't he just quit while ahead? "Working out." Lie, la-lie lie lie, la-lie. "Really? That's good. I've been pretty busy. With my apartment and all. I'm sure you've heard about it from Justin." "Only that the interior looks like shit because you've been on some flamingly gay shopping trips." WHY CAN'T I SHUT UP!? "Lance, I'm trying to be nice here. Just make conversation, not offend you." "That's great." A staple gun, some tape, super glue, WHAT DOES IT TAKE? "Okay... Well, I guess I'll be going now. Just stopped in to say hi, and um... to give you this..." He stuck an envelope in my hand. It was kind of thick. "Bye, Lance." "Whatever." I think I need speech therapy or something. Brain therapy even. I just couldn't control the words coming from my mouth. I acted like I was the victim or something. Hardly. I shoved the envelope under the couch I was sitting on and ignored it. Like I was going to read what he had to say. It was probably some lame Christmas card saying 'Merry Christmas, Happy Holiday.' Or something... ~~~~~~~~~~~ I used to get excited about Christmas morning when I was little. TOYS! Now it's more like... nothing really. There's no excitement. I get clothes, or strange things from my friends. My mother had called at about 8. She was inquiring on whether or not I had attended Sunday church. I had not, but I lied and told her I did. We talked all about how things were going, and about how all my family was doing. She wished me a merry Christmas and then was off. Talk about a thrilling call... It was nearly 11:00, and I had no plans for the day. I'd cook something, but honestly, burning the house down is not what I call a great holiday. I sprawled out on the floor of the living room, tired and bored. My hand went under the couch. I felt it hit something. Oh... the letter from Josh.... I yanked it out, and tore it open. I hadn't intended on opening it, but there really was nothing else to do. I probably wouldn't be able to read it, because obviously, I cannot see it. The paper inside was not smooth. At first, I thought it might be one of those puffy Christmas cards some people send out that just about bust through the envelope. To my surprise, it wasn't. It was braille. Good. He was being thoughtful. I made the decision to read it. "Dear Lance, I know that is has been a difficult pass few months for you. For us both, that is. I want you to know that I've been thinking about you a lot. Maybe you did need a change, something new. I know that it didn't work out with you and Joey as well. I still love you and still care about you so much that it hurts. I want to be with you again. Please call me. My new number is - --- --- ----. I still love you.... Joshua." I dropped the paper. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ That's all for now. Merry Christmas, Happy Holiday from Sum! --Sumacumlaude@hotmail.com