Date: Mon, 13 Sep 1999 14:22:59 IST From: "Nathaniel C." Subject: Question of faith part 7 First of all thank you so much for all the feedback. Kevin thank you for your help. Toby, thanks for your support. Everyone at Nifty thank you for letting us post our stories. DISCLAIMER: as far as I know none of the members of Nsync, 5ive or the Backstreetboys are gay. I am in no way connected or related to the bands, their families, their friends, their management or their record companies. This story is pure fiction. If you like it you can send feedback to: nathanielstories@hotmail.com Question of Faith part 7 Justin and Richie watched the movie Justin picked in complete silence. Richie opened his mouth a few times to say something but he couldn't find the right words. Justin felt a bit uneasy. He sensed that there was something wrong. Justin stretched his legs in front of him and leaned back on the couch. He was tired from the show and watching the movie. Justin had hoped Pretty Woman could entertain him but he had seen it one time too many. Justin closed his eyes. Justin drifted in a light sleep. 'Why did you kill me?' Justin opened his eyes and saw a little girl standing at his feet. 'Why did you kill me?' Justin shook his head. 'I didn't mean to. I'm sorry.' The girl didn't seem to hear him. 'Why did you kill me?' She asked over and over again. 'I am sorry.' Screamed Justin. Suddenly JC stood behind her. 'You murdered my girl.' Justin tried to get up but something held him down. 'I am sorry. Please believe.' 'Justin? Justin, wake up.' Justin's eyes flew open. Richie sat beside him on the couch. 'What are you sorry about?' Justin looked confused. 'You screamed you were sorry.' Justin took a deep breath. 'It was a baby girl. I killed her.' Justin pulled up his knees and started rocking back and forth. 'Every time I close my eyes I see this little girl and she keeps asking me why I killed her. I keep telling her that I'm sorry but no one hears me. Everyone looks the other way when I come in a room.' Justin looked up. His blue eyes were filled with tears. 'And now I lost you as a friend as well.' Richie touched his cheek. 'Will you take me back as a lover?' The tears ran down Justin's face. 'But you said...' 'Shane and I were over before we started. It was doomed.' Justin covered the warm hand on his cheek with his own. 'Can you forgive me?' Richie instantly knew what he meant. 'I never blamed you. There is nothing to forgive.' Richie leaned forward and brushed his lips past Justin's. Justin shivered. 'Can you stay here tonight?' Whispered Justin. 'I don't want to wake up alone after a nightmare.' Richie nodded. Justin got up and walked to his bed. 'Do you need a T-shirt to sleep in?' Richie shook his head. Justin stripped to his boxers and crawled in bed. Richie followed his example. Justin stared at the blonde boy lying inches away from him. 'You'll still be here in the morning?' Richie scooted closer and wrapped his arms around Justin. Justin rested his head on Richie's chest. 'Tomorrow and every morning that follows.' JC sat on his balcony. He couldn't sleep. Although it had been a few days now he couldn't close his eyes without seeing Justin's face. The look on the young boy's face had scared him so much. He heard some muffled voices coming from the next room. Suddenly he heard Justin scream: 'God I'm sorry.' JC frowned. He didn't know Justin had company. He rose to his feet and walked to the edge of the balcony. He bent forward and looked inside Justin's room through the French doors. Justin was lying in bed. 'Don't kill me.' He screamed. Someone sat up next to Justin. Justin tossed his head from side to side. 'Please, I'm sorry.' He started crying in his sleep. JC looked surprised as he recognised Richie. Richie pulled Justin in his arms. 'Shh. Wake up Justin.' Justin stirred and opened his eyes. He looked up at Richie. 'He tried to kill me.' Richie stroked Justin's hair. 'He didn't mean to.' Justin pulled Richie away. 'His hands are on my throat. Get them off.' Richie grabbed Justin's hands. 'Justin, take a deep breath. JC is not here. Come on you can breath.' JC took a few steps back. He was trembling. 'Honey are you okay?' JC turned around. Lexie stood in the doorway. 'You look like you have seen a ghost.' JC walked to her and wrapped his arms around her. 'He thinks I want to kill. He has nightmares.' Lexie guided JC inside and sat down on the bed. 'You have to talk to him. If you don't do that soon he may need help.' JC rested his head in his girlfriend's lap. 'If he would only let me near. Each time I look at him he turns his head. He only spends time with Richie.' JC closed his eyes. 'I was so angry with him but at the same time I understood why he did it. He is so confused.' Lexie stroked his cheek. 'I do hope Richie can make him happy again. I miss his smile and his funny jokes.' Lexie lowered her head and kissed him. 'Just be there for him when he wants to talk to you.' JC nodded. 'The tour is over in three weeks. Than you have to decide if you want to go to Europe with the band or not.' 'If I go Justin won't go and visa versa.' JC sighed. 'How did we get in this mess?' Lexie smiled. 'By keeping secrets from your best friend.' JC didn't reply. He knew his girlfriend was right. Brian tried not to glance at Nick. They had 4 tour dates left. A few weeks ago Nick suddenly moved in Brian's hotel room. He didn't say what was wrong or why he was doing that. Brian had guessed that he had had a fight with Kevin. Nick shifted in his chair. Brian sighed and placed his book on the side table. 'Is there something you want to talk about, Nick?' Nick nodded. 'I'm listening.' Nick took a deep breath. 'Kevin and I had a big fight. Or maybe I should say that I had a fight with Kevin. I was so angry he just left at the hospital.' Brian nodded. Kevin had told him all this. 'My back ached so much and he just strolled in asking if I was all right. Of course I wasn't all right. Anyway, a few days later my tests results came in and I wanted to run to Kevin to tell him the news but I suddenly realised we were no longer a couple.' Brian rubbed his eyes. 'You did try really hard to ignore him.' Nick stared at his feet. 'Did you notice a change in me?' Brian frowned. 'Well, you seem happier and more awake lately.' Nick looked up at Brian. 'I know what is wrong with me and I've been taking medication the last couple of weeks. I should be better in three or four months.' Brian jumped up. 'Why didn't you tell us?' Nick shrugged. 'I was angry. Afraid you'd tell Kevin.' Brian kneeled down next to his best friend. 'Nick, I would never tell Kevin if you asked me not to tell.' 'He left me alone when I needed him.' Whispered Nick. A single tear rolled down his cheek. 'I was in so much pain and he just left. All I could think about is what he would do if I had cancer.' 'You could have told me. I'd always be there for you.' 'I know but I had to fight alone.' Brian looked at Nick. 'Does your mum know.' Nick shook his head. 'I never told her.' Brian looked surprised. 'What about all those stories in the media of you missing so many concerts?' Nick tugged at his shirt. 'BJ knew. She helped me when I was home. And she made sure mum didn't see any newspapers or things on TV. If she did see something BJ would tell her I had a slight flu or something like that.' 'What else have you been lying about?' Brian could barely hear Nick's answer: 'Kevin.' Brian rose to his feet. 'Are you telling me your family knows nothing about your relationship with Kevin?' Nick nodded. Brian ran his hand through his hair. 'Damnit Nick. Why?' 'No need to tell them now. Kevin and I are no longer together.' Brian slammed his fist on the table. 'I've never seen Kevin like this. He is barely eating and he looks like he has been to hell and back.' Nick jumped up in surprise. 'We were talking about me here.' Brian looked at Nick. 'I never knew you were so selfish.' Brian walked out of the room and left Nick very confused. Kevin knocked on Brian's door. 'Brian, are you there?' No one responded. Kevin knocked again. 'Brian, it's about Glenn. Please open up.' He heard some noise and the door opened. Kevin looked up and stared in Nick's angry eyes. 'What about Glenn, Kevin? Was one kiss not enough for you?' Kevin opened his mouth but didn't say anything. 'What? You lost your voice by screaming out his name too much?' Kevin pushed Nick inside. 'Keep your voice down.' Nick snorted. 'Why? I have nothing to hide.' Kevin ran his fingers through his hair. 'I went to see Glenn but it is not what you think it is.' 'I don't even want to hear your lame excuse.' Kevin grabbed Nick by his shoulders and pushed him on a chair. 'You're going to sit there and listen to me.' Yelled Kevin. Nick flinched. Kevin had never yelled at him before. 'I went to see Glenn for two reasons. The first reason was that Glenn wanted me to meet his new boyfriend. The second reason was that I can talk to Glenn. I can tell him about my fear and feelings.' Kevin took a deep breath. 'Let me tell you a story Nick. My father had cancer. I took care of him until the end. I watch the disease spread through his body. I saw him vanish for my eyes. I watch him die. Never ever do I want to go through that again.' Kevin wiped away his tears. 'When that doctor told us he thought you might have cancer my worst nightmare came through. I was to loose another person I loved with all my heart to a disease. I left the room to pray. Hoping that someone would hear my prayers. That that person would prevent you from going through all that pain. And I made a vow, a promise to myself. I promised myself that I would take care of you until the bitter end. Until you couldn't walk anymore, or talk, or even move because of the disease that was eating away inside of you.' Kevin looked at Nick. 'I prepared myself for losing you several times these past years. But nothing or no one ever managed to stop me from loving you. I left that day because I didn't want you to see what pain I was in. I didn't want you to see that I was losing hope. I didn't want you to stop fighting.' Kevin walked to Nick and lowered his head so that he was looking him straight in his eyes. 'I love you. I don't deserve you. God knows what an ass hole I've been. But not being with you will kill me in the end. I care about you than anything else in the world. I would give up all of this just to be with you.' Kevin looked away. 'But somewhere along the way you lost your faith in me. And now I'm going to lose you to the one thing I can't fight. I'm scared Nick. Scared to see you in so much pain. I wish I could some of your pain away. I wish it was me instead of you.' Kevin walked away from the chair. 'Just don't give up fighting. Fight the cancer as long as you can. And if you need me I'll be there.' Kevin walked to the door. He said what was on his heart. Nick got up and walked to Kevin. He touched Kevin's arm. Reluctantly Kevin turned around. Nick stared at him with tears in his eyes. 'I got the test results back a few weeks ago.' Kevin closed his eyes and prepared for the worst. 'I don't have cancer.' Whispered Nick. There will be another chapter out by the end of this week!