t h e R E F O R M A T I O N
If you are under 18 or not of legal age in your country, please don't read on. If you couldn't accept themes in the likes of homosexuality, please don't read on. This is a story concerning gay males having intimate relationships and is considered FOR ADULTS ONLY due to its sexual theme and contents. BUT if you really like this stuff, please don't tell others.
Everything in this story is purely FICTIONAL. Or it's not true!!! Even if this story involved the Backstreet Boys, NSYNC and a fictitious character, all that happens here is fictional... again, it's not true. I don't know anything about their sexuality, as far as the world knows, they're straight as an arrow so I dunno if they're gay (but I do have my speculations) or not but I wrote this out of freedom of speech and my love for these guys and slash fiction. I don't own or know the Backstreet Boys and NSYNC personally. I do know that Brian Littrell is married with Leighanne Wallace (rolls my eyes), and Justin Timberlake is attached to Britney Spears so let's just assume that they aren't. AGAIN, it's NOT TRUE!!! but don't we all hope that it's true... hehehehe...
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"Is he still asleep?" a voice said from outside. I dunno how long I was sleeping but I have this very weird dream about a 'bad' virus or something. That's totally freaky.
"Yeah. He is. How's Brian?" another voice said. Brian. I really hope that what I did was really for the best. I know that it would totally hurt him once the world knows of his true sexuality. It's like against one of the 10 commandments or something like that.
"Also a wreck. I called their home and Harold, his brother, said that he has been bawling for the past 4 days." I think Nick owes this voice. Well, his voice is kinda unique. I really wish I could go fly back to Lexington and comfort Brian but this must be the way. I have to sacrifice a few things for him to live in peace and with no harm and pain.
I think it's time to make my presence known. And my position in this bed is beginning to give me pain. It's really uncomfortable. I opened my eyes and it was actually morning. Or is it? I walked to the bathroom to take a piss and to start the day right.
"Marty, you awake?" Nick asked.
"Yeah! Come in the room." I shouted from the bathroom and started to wash my face. I heard the sound of footsteps and then it stopped. "How are you guys?" I asked from the bathroom.
"Everything is fine." Nick said unconvincingly. Yeah, and I am the queen of England. Come on, I just heard him saying that Brian was a mess and everything. I dried my hands and walked back to my room finding Nick and Justin sitting on my bed.
"What brings you here anyway?" I asked them. I motioned them to stand up and follow me. I was hungry. Very hungry.
"He doesn't rem..." Justin started but something or whatever interrupted him.
"Just decided to visit you and everything." Nick said. I paused and looked at him with my eyebrows raised. Nick looked at me seriously. "Okay, we know what happened with Brian and you." Nick said defeated. I resumed walking down the flight of stairs.
"Why did you do it?" Justin asked me. It was a blunt question. Same ole Justin. And I think that it deserves an answer as well.
"Honestly, I thought it was for the best. One way or another, Brian's lil secret would eventually come out and with me tagging along with him would definitely speed up that process. Brian is not yet ready. I could see it in him. He is still afraid about what others think of him. And I don't want to be the cause of any pain to him." I said to them walking inside the kitchen. Ooh, breakfast is still there. Thank God. "I know you are thinking that he's in pain at the moment. But like anything else, this will pass. But if Brian being gay comes out to the public. It's permanent. No one can take that back." I explained further.
"I dunno if I agree with you but whatever." Nick voiced out. I know that most of you won't agree with me.
"Well, I respect your decision but I don't like it." Justin said. "How bout you? How are you doing?" Justin continued. A tough one again. Justin is just too much this day.
"I'm fine." I said to them. I saw Justin's eyebrow rising. It's his turn. "Okay, I'm not fine. I dunno what to do. It's like half of me is missing." I said as my eyes started to well up. Waking up earlier on was difficult enough.
"I think that's what Brian felt." Nick mumbled to himself. I just pretended I didn't hear that. I could see Justin giving Nick the death stare. This couple is so cute. Reminds me of... nevermind.
"What are you gonna do now?" Justin asked me. What am I gonna do?
"I have no idea. Originally, I would have spent my week with Brian in Lexington but that's not possible anymore considering what happened. Then, I was gonna go back to tour as the music director. But I don't know now. I think it's for the best if I dropped off the tour as well." I said to them.
"No, you won't. You'll join the tour whether you like it or not." Nick said to me staring at me straight to the eye. He's getting feisty.
"And who said so?" I retorted to him rebelliously.
"Said the papers you signed." Nick said. I was stomped. I sighed defeat. I guess I have no choice but to return to the Backstreet tour. I started to feed myself and try to forget everything. It was impossible.
"Join us for the remaining days. We are on tour right now and Nick's with me. So when you return back to tour, you can go with him." Justin said pointing to Nick's direction. I think it's a great idea. I haven't met any of them and I have heard their stuff already with what Justin sent me. They are really good. I think they are better than Backstreet Boys but you won't hear me say that out loud.
"If it's okay and if he wants to." I said softly. I was just having this vibe that everything with the guys of Backstreet changed. It's like they are not fond of me anymore. Look at Nick here. I think their heart goes to Brian and find me as the bad guy here.
"Marty, you are still my friend. Even if I think that what you did wasn't correct, it was your decision. I know you wouldn't hurt Brian intentionally." Nick said as he placed his hand on my shoulder reassuring that our friendship is still okay.
"Thank you Nick. I needed that." I said to him with a smile. It was settled. I was on my way to the NSYNC tour for the remaining 3 days of my little vacation before I face Brian and the other Backstreet members. "You know, something still bugs me. It's just 3 days left in my vacation and I have no idea what happened earlier on?" I said with confusion. The two just shrugged prolly not knowing the answer as well.
I packed a few change clothes because with this two around, I think the mall isn't too safe anymore. After finishing packing, I took a pen and paper to write Rich a note before we leave. I don't wanna make Rich worried.
I left with Nick and Justin on NSYNC's tour. I'll explain later everything okay? And you can borrow any of the clothes in my closet. ;-)
There was a limo parked outside. These two are too much. Going to the airport using a limo. "Whose idea is this?" I asked the two as we walked out of the door. I pointed at the limo and Justin smiled. "I guess you are the one." I said to him. Oh well.
We entered the limo and we made little conversations about anything that we saw on the streets. It was a light one and thank God they aren't pushing anything about the break-up. That's the last thing I need. They are really good friends. Thank God for them!
"So how did Rich react when he saw you?" I asked them. They just laughed out loud.
"You are so bad with not telling him who we really are. It was like his mouth was hanging like in those Loony Tunes cartoons. It was so funny." Justin said while laughing. I guess I'll receive hell when I talk to Rich.
The trip was short lived because there was no traffic whatsoever on this day. Lucky us. I took my baggage to the machines and for them to take it to the plane. I wasn't gonna go with any bag at hand. The two went to get tickets for our trip.
Once we were settled in our seats in first class. Another thing that Justin did. First class, sheesh! I decided to talk to him about music. "So Justin, who made Celebrity Justin-packed?" I asked. Justin raised an eyebrow. Confused? "Well, there are about 9 tracks with what you wrote and a song with Justin only in it." I asked him.
"Well, it was management's thing. They said that what the public wants is me. But it was so mean especially with the other guys. I like JC's songs better." Justin said. "So what's your favorite track?" He asked me.
"Up against the Wall. How about you Nick?" I asked him who seemed to be lost in his own little world. What is this blonde thinking?
"Huh?" Nick looked at us blankly. I have no idea what on earth is the problem with him. But hopefully we'll get to flush the answer out of his system. I asked the question to him and he seems to think about the answer. "I really like Selfish. It's a very good ballad." Nick said smiling.
The remaining time was spent in mindless chattering among the three of us. It was good because we never touched about Brian. Actually, it's more on us. Our lives and everything like that. Time flies by so quickly if you are having fun coz the PA was telling us to fasten our seatbelts and get ready for the landing. Once landed, we walked out of the plane with my two incognito guys.
"You know, it's most likely you would be recognized like that." I said to them trying to stifle my laughter. They just look so funny being in disguise and very jumpy.
"And why is that?" Nick asked me softly while looking left and right to check if there are any teens out there.
"Firstly, you are the only two people wearing a ball cap and eyeglasses. Secondly, you still dress like pop stars." I said to them. The two just looked at each other and just decided to remove their shades and ball cap. "Go to the bathroom and wear something else less eye-catching." I said to them as I gave them two of my normal wears. "And no other business please. I want a bed." I said to them and they just grinned at me.
After a few minutes, they returned looking as normal as a pop star could get. I think we won't get mobbed anymore and we hailed a cab to get to the hotel. The trip was very short because the hotel was near the airport. "Won't your friends be uncomfortable with me being here and everything?" I asked Justin meekly.
"Of course not silly! I've brought Nick already and they're cool with it. And we are talking about that Nick." Justin said pointing at his boyfriend. "Before I forget, well, they still don't know about me." Justin whispered.
"You haven't told them?" I asked shocked. Well, I thought that he would have told already the guys about him.
"There's just no right time." Justin reasoned out. I looked at Nick, thank God he was asleep. I was gonna say something but he interrupted me. "I know what you're gonna say. The right time is always now but I will soon. So I could flaunt my boyfriend to them." Justin said proudly. And to JC.
"What did Nick think of that?" I whispered to Justin to not let Nick hear it.
"Well, I know that he doesn't like it being hidden and everything but I know that JC is suspicious as hell. It's very seldom for me to invite anyone on tour. And with you here, the heat would eventually lessen on me." Justin said to me.
"So, inviting me here is like a protection thing for you." I said which he looked down. That's right, feel guilty. "You're telling them while I'm still here." I ordered to him and he was starting to say another word when I stared at him. He just shut up.
"Okay, I'll tell them." Justin said after the momentary silence. I gave him a hug trying to reassure him that this is the right thing.
"Come on. Let's go inside." I said as I paid for the fare for the cab. They were fighting for it and well, I want a nice bed. Airplane rides really drains me out. I walked out of the cab and stopped. "I think you should be first Juju." I said to Justin. It's not my place. It's his for the time being.
Justin walked to the front desk and talked to the lady there who looks like she has seen a ghost. Justin strikes again. After a few more blushes from the girl, she handed Justin a keycard and he walked away from the desk to us. He was grinning like a cat. "Here' s your keycard. You're in the same floor as us and just beside Nick's room but don't expect him to be there." Justin said to me. I nodded and we walked to the elevator to their floor.
"Can I meet them later when I am more active?" I asked them sleepily. I have no idea what they responded. My mind was too sleepy to process it. The elevator opened and Nick helped me find my room which wasn't too hard. I opened the door and entered the room. It was a nice room but I'll look into that later. The bed awaits.
It seems that I just laid my body on the bed when I heard the knocking from the door. "Martin! Open the damn door! We're leaving for rehearsals!" Justin shouted from the other side. I looked at my watch.
It was 3:00 pm. Well, I think I have slept enough. "I'm coming. Just lemme change first." I shouted back and went to the bathroom to have a very quick shower and cloth myself.
After a very few minutes, I emerged from my room wearing an attire I bought earlier on during my shopping spree with Nick. It was really trendy and is similar to those that the NSYNC guys but with less flair. Justin and Nick were waiting for me outside with a certain look on their face.
"Took you long enough." Justin said to me and looked at me up and down. "But I think it's worth it! You look fine!" Justin added that made me blush. Nick was just smiling at me like a grinning cat.
"Thanks! C'mon, I am excited to meet the others." I said as I dragged Justin. Be happy. Try to be happy. I am not sad, I am happy. I think if I really think about being happy, I will... hopefully.
We rode the elevator with a little horsing around among the 3 of us but I could really sense something off in Nick. I have observed that already when we left from my house and he still has it. Is it about me? But he said it's not and I don't think Nick would lie to me like that. I think I'm gonna talk to him later.
When the elevator doors opened we stepped out and looked for the remaining members of NSYNC. We spotted them lounging in the lobby prolly waiting for us. "We're here!" Justin said as he ran to where his band mates were seated. They looked at me. Actually, I can't read what they think of me. But one thing is for sure, I was feeling something different from JC's. "Well, that is my friend Martin. He's the music director of BSB. Martin, these are Lance, JC, Joey and Chris." Justin introduced me to the others.
"Nice to meet y'all!" I said politely and shook their hands. I was still feeling a little bit of discomfort with them but maybe it's just that we just meet each other and everything. The others said their hi's and everything especially JC who seems to enjoy my company.
"C'mon, we have to be in the stadium by 4:00 so we can have rehearsals by 4:30 and a meet and greet by 7:00. Then, the show starts at 8:00pm." Lance said. Oh. My. God.
"Another Kevin?" I asked Nick who just laughed. The others looked at us in confusion. "Nothing, I just told him something I've observed. No biggie." I said with a smile and they shrugged it off. "By the way, Nick, can we talk later?" I asked him and he just gulped. "Don't worry. I won't do anything bad." I said with a scout's honor. If I was a scout, I would keep the promise.
We rode the limo with little conversation. "So Martin, you are BSB's music director?" JC asked me. I just nodded at him with a smile. "That's very interesting to know." JC said. I think he's trying to spark a conversation here.
"He's also very good in composing. You should have heard what he played when I was there. I mean he helped me as well and I think we click together better than with me and Wade." Justin was overly enthusiastic at that point. I think he got too much sugar from Nick.
"That's so cool! Maybe we could do some stuff together for our next album or something like that. If Justin thinks your good, you must be really good." JC chimed in. I just nodded with a hidden discomfort. This is too much. I think even the others were feeling with JC. He's too... friendly.
With a few more light talks, we reached the stadium. The setup was similar to the Backstreet concert so it was no biggie for me. The guys went to the stage while me and Nick sat on the seats close to the stage but far enough to have a private conversation. The guys were started with a few vocal exercises so I decided to start my little talk with Nick.
"Nick, is there something you wanna tell me?" I asked Nick. Nick looked at me with a little worry. "Don't worry. I tend to see things objectively and I try not to take any sides." I reassured him.
Nick was breathing hard. What is it? "First of all, it is not you or Brian. It's actually me and Justin." Nick started. I think what is wrong already but I want him to say it. "Well, I really am not comfortable with the hiding thing. I know that JC is very suspicious already with everything but he just doesn't want to tell them. It's hard enough to not to show my affection in public but even in the confines of the hotel, I can't because the others might hear it. I really like Justin and I think that I might be falling in love for him but I just can't continue being restricted too much. You know that I'm not used with that." Nick said his thoughts. I know that this would cause some problems with Nick and Justin.
"I hear you Nick. But Nick, in love there is no such thing as easy. There's always something we sacrifice for love. I think that communication is always the best answer in all problems. What if you tell him what you really feel?" I suggested. Nick just looked at me at first.
"I have talked to him about this and he just told me that it wasn't the right time." Nick answered. Justin, you are so stubborn.
"Well, to tell you frankly, I gave him an ultimatum that he should tell it while I'm here or else I would." I said to him with a grin. Nick didn't react at first but when he looked at me, a grin was also forming in his face.
"No shit!" Nick said to me. I just nodded to him and he gave me a very tight hug. I think that does it for him and Justin. Everything lies to Justin now. I just hope that he tell it and not me.
I tried to push my problems with watching the guys rehearse their moves. They were really good especially Justin who seems to be part of the dance steps he was doing. It just seems so natural for him. On the other hand, Lance was having a really hard time with some of the steps and the big guy stopped the music again.
"I think we need a break before we go on. Lance, please don't mess up next time." The big guy snapped at Lance. Lance was feeling down, I could see it on his face. I walked towards the stage and went to Lance. I think he needs someone right now.
"Everything okay?" I asked him. Lance just smiled weakly to me.
"Yeah. I just can't figure out some of the steps." Lance said dejectedly.
"I'm gonna give you a piece of advice. When you're dancing, don't think about it too hard because that would make you fumble more. Try to let the music make you move and try to be part of the music. That would do wonders, trust me." I said with a smile as I gave him a pat on the shoulder.
"Thanks. I'll remember that." Lance said with a real smile now. I walked down the stage and observed them as they regrouped for another run through of the song. Lance did it without a glitch to the surprise of the others.
"You actually did it. And you did it really good." The big guy said approaching Lance who was blushing.
"Nah, it's nothing. Marty just advised me on something and I guess that did the trick." Lance said with a smile as he received pats from the other guys. I just gave him an approving nod. Another case solved by Martin.
After they have done, we walked to their dressing room and we lounged there. "Can you wait here for a minute while we do the meet and greet. We'll be back shortly." Justin said as he hurried getting out of the dressing room followed by the other 4.
"Yeah sure." I said. I spotted a Playstation 2 console and looked at Nick with a grin.
"No way! I'm not letting my ass get kicked again!" Nick said once he saw me looking at the piece of contraption.
"Come on Nicky! Please." I said in my best imitation of a child giving him the puppy look. I just hope that it still works. The next thing I know, I was beating him for the 6th time in Tekken Tag.
"This is so humiliating!" Nick said as his character dove down again. I just laughed at him. "That's right! Laugh at me. Ha. Ha. Ha." Nick said sarcastically.
"Nick, sarcasm doesn't fit you. Try the dumb blonde thang." I said to him while still laughing. Nick just glared at me and dove at me. We were wrestling by then but I think I got everything controlled. "Lost in PS2 and still losing in a game of wrestling? Tsk. Tsk." I said to him mocking him.
At first, Nick was glaring at me but with me laughing, he joined me as well and the two of us were rolling laughing our hearts out. It was an amazing feeling to be happy. But I know deep inside that this feeling I was feeling was very much incomplete... only one person can complete that.
We were still in our fits of laughter when the door opened as the NSYNC guys entered the dressing room. "What happened?" Chris asked quizzically. Nick and I just looked at each other and we laughed harder.
"Nothing. It's just a spur of the moment." I said while trying to stifle my laughter. "So, what's next?" I asked no one in particular.
"How about we go to the lounge room and we eat. I am hungry." Joey suggested. The others 4 members looked at him.
"You are always hungry." They said and laughed except me, Nick and Joey who was pouting and went out first. We all followed him to the lounge room. Everything seemed to be so common because the setup is very much the same as with the Backstreet concert.
I piled up a mountain of food on my table. Brian's words rubbed on you?" Nick joked. But I didn't laugh. Of all the time in the world, he just has to remind me about Brian. "Marty, I'm so sorry about that." Nick apologized prolly realizing of his little slip of the tongue. But the damage has been done.
I placed the plate back and walked out of the room. I need air. I need my solitude to sulk in my worries. I could still hear JC asking Nick what he did to make me walk out. Nick could handle it. I still can't. I kept on walking and walking away from the screaming fans outside and away from the people I call friends. I tried to look for a secluded place but with a few minutes before the concert starts, it seems so impossible.
I guess it is the walk that I need to drain myself of the pent up feelings inside me. Wait, I need a keyboard. I walked to a guy fixing something on the stage. "Um, can I ask where I can find a keyboard?" I asked him.
"In that room over there." He said pointing on a door with a mark "sound equipment". I guess that's it. I entered the room and looked for a keyboard. Once I found it, I went out of the room and looked for a plug so that I can power this thing up. I end up going to the dressing room. I went in. No one was still in the room.
"Thank God." I said. I plugged the keyboards and started playing a few songs I could still remember from the Backstreet concert. It was a good warm up exercise and once I got the hang of it, I let loose everything. I tried to shut off the world around me and concentrated on the music. The music and I were one at that moment. There were no other things that existed but just me and the sound that I was making with the keyboards.
I dunno how long I was playing the instrument but I just didn't care. The melody I was making varies from time to time. I could remember the first was that of a very somber tone then to a happy one. It's just like that when the music and I mend together. Always changing.
I stopped pressing the keys when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked up and it was JC with a smile. "Everything okay with you?" He asked me with concern in his voice.
"I think I'm okay now. I just needed that." I said to him with a smile. Truthfully speaking, music does have that effect on me. It's very therapeutical for me.
"That's nice to hear. Are you gonna watch us? We are gonna start." JC said extending his hand to me. I took his hand and we walked out of the dressing room. Once outside, I could see most of them outside of the door.
"Um, why are y'all here?" I asked them.
"Well, we didn't want to disturb you so we just waited here but the concert is really about to start so..." Justin trailed off.
"I'm so sorry. I didn't know that I took so long there. The last thing I want to do is to delay you in your concert." I apologized to them. That was so sweet of them.
"No problem." Lance said and they entered the room to dress up for the concert leaving Nick and me alone outside. Nick's head wasn't looking at me and it seems that there is something interesting at the floor. I think he still feels guilty.
"Don't be guilty about it. I have to face reality sometimes and that's what I need." Nick looked at me as tears were beginning to form in his eyes. "I know that it's painful. It was my decision after all but don't ever feel so low because you have to snap me back to reality. I haven't faced my demons face to face, and one way or another I would." I said to him as I gave him a hug. He was now crying.
"Marty, Justin and I brought you here to escape the pain but I think I failed there coz I have to let my stupid mouth slip. You deserve happiness." Nick said as he cried on my shoulder as I comfort him.
"Nick, bringing me here is enough. I gained a new bunch of friends and y'all being there is already big for me. I am the one who should have apologized because of the way I acted a while ago." I said to him. And that's the end of it... for now.
As soon as Nick has composed himself, we entered the dressing room seeing the others in different stages of clothing themselves. Justin and Joey still haven't worn their pants; on the other hand, Lance and Chris were still bare from the top. And to top it all, JC was just wearing a pair of boxer-briefs. "How much can we sell the pictures of these fellas in the net?" I asked Nick jokingly. They stopped for a while looking at us.
"I dunno. I am sure that we'll be filthy rich." Nick answered me. The guys just threw some pillows at us. Nick and I were just laughing it out.
The big guy facilitating the rehearsals earlier came in. "Guys, ten more minutes!" He said out loud to them.
"We'll be finished soon, Wade." Justin answered, as he was looking for the other half of his shoes. So that's the Wade guy Justin talked to me about.
Nick and I enjoyed looking at the guys sorta panicking as they look for their pieces of clothing that they haven't worn. After a while, 5 fully clothed guys were hurrying walking out of the room. "Did they just forget about?" I asked Nick. Nick just nodded and we followed them walking out.
I'm just so speechless watching these guys performing. They were so natural about it. "Man, they're so good!" I said to Nick who was also enjoying himself with the new sounds that they were having.
"I know. I really like their music." Nick told me. The world just stopped. I looked at him incredulously. "What? Just because I'm from the 'rival group' doesn't mean I couldn't enjoy theirs." Nick said defensively that I just laughed at.
"And sleeping with one of the performers is another plus." I whispered to him. Nick just blushed furiously. I just have to do that to Nick.
After the concert, Nick and I were ushered back to the dressing room of the guys. Once we entered the room, Justin was all over Nick. "Did you enjoy the show? I know that it's better than the Backstreet, no offense Nicky! By the way, did you see me winking at you? Did you see the thrust thing?" Justin was talking so fast that he forgot the little detail that the others don't know that they are together. Once he realized that his tongue slipped, he quieted and looked at his band mates. They were shocked as well... especially JC.
EMAIL ME!!! firstname.lastname@example.org
Hey there y'all!
That's chapter 13. I hope that you enjoyed this chapter, I think the last two chapters were just too sad and we need some happy chapters here. Well, just wanna announce as well that the planned tie-in with my friend Reggie of Boyband and the City is indefinitely off because of some minor problems. His story still rocks so read it!
Well, NSYNC didn't win in the EMA01 but was so predictable because Europe isn't really NSYNC's place. Anyway, I just watched the video of Drowning by the Backstreet Boys and was it a wonderful video... it made me cry. And did you see Howie there, didn't he just look so hot there??? Chapter One is playing right now in my discman so to those who haven't bought it, buy it! I also have Britney where I really like the song That's Where You Take Me that was produced by Justin T and the Dido penned song, I'm Not A Girl, Not Yet A Woman. Also, I got Madonna's greatest hits which I think is the best collection ever. And Natalie Imbruglia's White Lilies Island which is so amazing! Her voice is really astounding!
PLEASE!!!! Send me feedbacks... I'm a feedback addict! I so love those feedbacks. Short, long, good or bad, or just whatever... drop me a line okay? Addie is email@example.com. EMAIL me. If you have any problem with the HTML thingy, please tell me. And I also got the Yahoo Messenger thingy so that's also good so we can exchange IM's or something. The ID is pseud0nym2001. A BIG BIG BIG BIG 'Thank you' to all of you who emailed! :-)
these are a few of my faves in the archive that inspired me to write and I hope you like them as well:
... these are a few of them but there are lots more... trust me.