t h e R E F O R M A T I O N
If you are under 18 or not of legal age in your country, please don't read on. If you couldn't accept themes in the likes of homosexuality, please don't read on. This is a story concerning gay males having intimate relationships and is considered FOR ADULTS ONLY due to its sexual theme and contents. BUT if you really like this stuff, please don't tell others.
Everything in this story is purely FICTIONAL. Or it's not true!!! Even if this story involved the Backstreet Boys, NSYNC and a fictitious character, all that happens here is fictional... again, it's not true. I don't know anything about their sexuality, as far as the world knows, they're straight as an arrow so I dunno if they're gay (but I do have my speculations) or not but I wrote this out of freedom of speech and my love for these guys and slash fiction. I don't own or know the Backstreet Boys and NSYNC personally. I do know that Brian Littrell is married with Leighanne Wallace (rolls my eyes), Justin Timberlake is attached to Britney Spears, and JC Chasez has a girlfriend named Bobbee, so let's just assume that the aforementioned relationships doesn't exist. AGAIN, it's NOT TRUE!!! but don't we all hope that it's true... hehehehe...
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"Do you want us to talk?" I asked Justin timidly. I can see it all in his eyes. I know that he sees this as something that is very wrong. I know that that
he just sees me entering one major mistake. Justin didn't answer. Instead, he just looked at my intently. It's like his eyes were burning me. Is this guilt that I am feeling? But why on earth should I feel any guilt anyway?
Justin grabbed my hand and dragged me to a room. I dunno who owns it but it's really messy. Clothes were scattered on the floor and the bed wasn't even done. Life of a pop star. "What on earth got into you?" Justin asked me angrily.
"What do you mean?" I asked acting stupid as I picked up some of the clothes lying down on the floor. Jeesh! It's like a storm passed by here. "Who owns this room? He's very messy." I said to him.
"I don't give a fuck about my mess. It's not the concern at the moment." So it's his room. His house wasn't that much messy. Maybe it's the lack of time or something like that. Or maybe, it's from wild monkey sex with Nick. I think I shouldn't go in there. "The issue is that you are dating my ex-boyfriend." Justin spat at me.
"See, you said it yourself. Ex-boyfriend." I said emphasizing on the prefix 'ex'. I sat on his bed looking at him. He just glared at me. I can't take this anymore. He's acting so childish with this. "Why is this a big problem to you? I am dating JC. Live with it." I snapped at him.
"The big problem is that he is no good. You know what happened with me in the past. He can do that to you as well. I'm just protecting you. Especially now with your situation." Justin said sincerely as he held my hands looking at me with those cute blue eyes. Now, this is the hard part. Should I tell him what JC told me or not?
"Juj, I know that you are worried. But I don't think JC would do anything to hurt me. We aren't even sure if this would last." I said to him giving me a very confused face. "We agreed that we are just having this relationship to have someone. We need someone that we can feel the comfort of something that we don't have. I need to forget Brian and he needs to forget you." I squeezed his hand assuring him of what I said. Then it hit me. Something slipped.
"Why does he need to forget me? He said he doesn't love me anymore." Justin said to me. Then, a look of recognition traced his face. It finally dawned to what the truth is. "He still loves me." Justin stated. I looked away from him knowing myself that I would surely blow everything.
"It's not my place to say. Talk to him and sort everything out." I pleaded to him. "I know that you left your relationship on a bad note. Please try to fix it." I added. He just stood up and went to the bathroom but I could hear a little sob. Nick isn't gonna like this. I can feel it in my gut. Really?
I let myself out seeing Nick and JC in a very intense conversation sitting on the floor. I don't wanna eavesdrop on whatever they are talking about. Maybe they are comparing notes or something but I just don't care. Or did I? Anyway. "We're done." I stated breaking the two from their deep conversation. Nick nodded and entered the room. As he passed by, I patted him on his shoulder giving him my full support on whatever happens and whispered to him. "Stay strong Nick." Nick just looked at me dubiously and entered the room.
I helped JC stand up from the floor where he chatted with Nick. "He's a nice guy." JC stated.
"I know." I said to him as I picked up the bags on the floor. "Help me with all of this." I said to him as he picked up some of the bags on the floor.
"You are worse than Britney and Justin combined." JC said as we placed it in my room. Once everything was in the room, I took the bags that were for Josh. I handed it to him with a smile. "For me?" He asked.
"Yeah. I saw it and it just screams JC!" I said to him. He stepped closer and kissed me on the lips. It was a fair kiss. It wasn't that passionate but it wasn't too casual. But you know what, it wasn't the same as with Brian. When Brian kisses me, it's like electricity is passing in me. But with JC... there's nothing. I guess we aren't really meant to be. I pulled away from our kiss and blushed a little.
"You sensed it?" JC sighed. I guess we are in the same page after all. Thank God it won't be that hard. I just nodded slowly. "Well, at least we know that this is really not possible." Josh added as he sat down on my bed. I could sense that he is feeling really down. Who wouldn't be? Even I am feeling a little down. This means that we are both alone again. Lemme change that, I am alone again.
"Jayce, I dunno if you're gonna like it or not but when I talked to Justin, I kinda slipped that you're still in love with him." I told JC guiltily. I heard JC gasp. "I'm sorry and I didn't mean it but I didn't confirm or deny anything. I just said to him that he should talk to you but I think that's equivalent of confirming it." I said to him hastily. When I looked at JC, I expected that he'll be mad but he looked worried.
"I guess I have to talk to him and clear things up." JC said as he stepped out of my room carrying the things I've bought him. I think it's time that I should take my own advice.
Once the door was closed, I dialed Kevin's number. It rang once. Twice. Thrice. I think he doesn't want to talk to me. I was gonna hung up already when someone answered. "Hello?" Kevin said in his deep voice. I didn't answer for a while.
I gathered all my courage to utter one word. "Kevin." I said to him. Once I said it, silence followed. There wasn't any tirade of bad words, but only silence. "It's me, Martin." I added.
"I know." Kevin said. I could feel a little bit of coldness in his voice. My gut feeling is right. They hate me. "I don't know what happened so I won't react yet. But I think I can't talk to you right now." Kevin said and hung up the phone. Tears were cascading down my cheeks. I think the triage of words could have been better compared to this treatment.
"They hate me." I said to myself as I held the handset tighter. I don't want to believe that fact but if Kevin, the most objective one can be so cold to me, what more the remaining 2 members of Backstreet. I wiped away the tears that have fallen and decided to dial Brian's number. If they would hate me eventually, I can give Brian some peace, if I can.
It rang once. Twice. Thrice. Caller ID again. "Marty..." Brian voiced out. A wave of emotions hit upon hearing his voice. His voice was kinda raspy. And it wasn't the usual smooth angelic voice that I know that Brian possessed. It sounded so strained and tired.
"Bri." I stated. I tried to make it so casual but I just couldn't. I think it sound so small and so longing. My true feelings for him. "Before I come back there, I just wanna say that I'm sorry for breaking up with you but I just have to do it. You know that I can't stand seeing you in pain." I cried. The tears were flowing generously.
"Nick told me." Brian said. That snapped me back to reality. What did Nick say? "He told me everything. I'm in my house in Orlando. Please come home." Brian pleaded to me. I so wanted to give in but I have to stick to my word to his parents.
"Bri, I hope you understand. I am a person who sticks to his words. I told your parents that I would leave you alone and I will. It may hurt me, or both of us but I don't wanna break my promise to them and they do make sense." I said to him trying to convince him. But is he I'm trying to convince or is it really me that I'm trying to convince?
"I've talked to them and I already set them straight." Brian said to me. If I know Brian, he had a very big fight with them. I cringed to that thought.
"Bri, they are just doing it for your own good. They love you." I reasoned out with him.
"Understand that Backstreet won't last forever. But you and I might last forever. I'm happy with you and if I'm given just one choice, I would choose you over everything." Brian has always been so good with words. But I have to maintain my stand.
"I'll think about it and try to settle everything that is bothering me. I hope you understand whatever my decision is." I told him. It was a very difficult decision but I'm trying to see first everything before I make it final whether I return to Brian or not.
"I'll accept that for now." Brian sighed at me.
"Thank you and stop being depressed now. Everyone is very worried about you. Even I worry about you." I said to him softly.
"I can't help it Marty. It's just so difficult to go on without you." Brian said. "But I'll try my best for the remaining days until your return."
"Okay, I'm gonna say goodbye now." I bid farewell.
"I love you." That made me stop. Everything just seemed to freeze. I dunno what to say.
"I love you too." I finally said to him. The tears just flowed more. I replaced the handset back to its cradle and just stared at it. Finally, I've spoken with Brian. But I guess that hardest part here would be the 'I'll think about it' part that I left. Should I return with him or not?
Deep in my heart and mind, I know that I should return with the relationship I left. But I guess I am still not ready to face the music so to speak. Is this really what's good for us? He's still in the limelight and us working closely isn't really helping. I wish that he's out to the public. I laid my tired body on the bed and stared at the dreary ceiling. Maybe it has the answer. I didn't notice very much my eyes drooping to sleep.
I thought it was just a blink, but it wasn't. I must have slept for hours. I looked at my watch and it read 4:30pm. Just 4:30? It must just have been close to an hour. Anyway, I stood up and packed my things. I'm still in the NSYNC tour until tomorrow afternoon; then me and Nick would fly back to the Backstreet tour, wherever it might be.
I skimmed the room looking for other things that I might have left. Nothing. I guess I have it all. I carried my bag and left it out of my room so the hotel personnel can place it down. And where on earth are the other guys? I walked to Justin's room to see what's happening. I knocked once.
Nothing. Maybe they are still asleep or something. We are moving to the next location at 5:30pm I think. Then it hit me. The way I left Justin, Nick talking to Justin... JC talking to Justin. I hope they haven't killed each other yet. Anyway, I tried the doorknob and it turned. I should scold these kids to not let the door unlocked but hey, I think it's a good thing here.
I can't see anything inside. The curtains were closed shut and the lights were off. "Martin?" Someone said. I turned my head and looked for the source of the voice. I saw Lance walking at my direction. I walked away from the door and gave him a warm smile.
"Hi Lance!" I greeted cheerfully.
"They're not awake yet?" Lance questioned me. I just shrugged coz I have no idea. I'm not even sure if they're still here.
"We're awake now." Justin said from the back. What's left of his hair was very unruly and his lips were quite swollen. I looked at him quizzically. Nick walked out as well with the same disposition. Well, they are a couple so what the heck.
But the next thing blew me away entirely. JC walked out of the same room in the same appearance. Something is definitely fishy here and I guess I have a day to sort this out. "Are we ready to go?" I asked still eyeing the three inconspicuously. I'm not gonna be blunt about this but I'll try a subtle approach this time. But I'm gonna find out the truth with this three.
"The bus is waiting downstairs already." Lance declared. I looked at him and he has the same look that I had earlier. Suspicion. And the three sporting guilty faces aren't really hiding anything but I won't embarrass them with this. I'll try.
"My bag is ready and I think you haven't even packed." I said to them. The three nodded. "Well, I ain't gonna wait for you so I'll be with Lance and chat about stuff and whatever." I said to them and walked away with Lance. "Something is up." I whispered to him once we reached away from earshot.
"I know." Lance said to me.
"If we are in the same page, which I think we are, what do you think about it?" I asked him. Lance didn't answer me at first and appears to be really thinking about it.
"I guess I'll just have to accept it. It's what they want to do with their lives. As long as I'm not affected by it, I'll stay out of it." Said Lance. I totally agree with him. I nodded agreeing with what he stated. "So, do you want to talk about your problem?" Lance queried.
"Where do I start? I just broke up with my boyfriend back in the Backstreet tour after I met his parents who didn't like the idea of their son having a relationship with me. Then, I went here and hooked up a little with Josh but we already decided that it's best to remain friends. Lastly, I called my ex- and talked with him ending up telling him that I'll think about getting back with him after he set his parents straight." I rambled. Lance looked at me seriously.
"Why don't you get back with him?" Lance asked me.
"Well, it's not that easy. Actually, it's easy to be back with him but I'm thinking too much about the consequences if we'll be together." I told him. Lance draped his hand on my shoulder and got nearer to me.
"That's your problem Martin. You're thinking too much about it. You know a friend advised me that I shouldn't think about something instead be part of it." Lance said to me. I think it was a good advice.
"That's a good one. Tell your friend 'thank you' for me." I said to him with a smile. My mind was clearer now.
"Thank you." Lance said to me. I looked at him with confusion glazed in my eyes. "You're the one who gave me that advice. Remember when I was having a hard time with the steps and you said that I shouldn't think about it too much and just go with the music." Lance stated. It was me? Well, I should really listen more to myself sometimes. I smiled at him.
The two of us continued to chat about almost everything until we reached the bus. Lance is really an awesome guy. I guess my first impression of him as a "Kevin" guy is true to his personality. He is very caring and responsible. Unlike Kevin, Lance is more relaxed and less uptight. We talked about his movie, On the Line and his upcoming projects as an actor. One more thing, he's definitely gay.
Once we reached the bus, he pointed to me where I would sleep. I would bunk below him since I requested it as well. I just love chatting with him but I don't think that there's something there that could blossom to love. "So you have a boyfriend?" I asked him. Lance froze. His mouth dropped and looked at me with surprise.
"What?" He asked a little irritated. Oh.
"I asked you if you have a boyfriend already. You are gay." I guess I said that more of a statement than a question.
"Who gave you the idea that I'm gay?" Lance asked me incredulously.
"No one. I just observed you. I guess that you are just dropping too many hints." I said to him as I slumped down on the couch of the lounge room as we waited for the others. "You are, right?" I asked. He didn't answer me.
"Honey! I'm home." Joey shouted as he entered the bus and that's the end of my conversation with Lance. Lance looked at me and then stood up to go to the bunks area. "Where did Poofu go?" Joey asked as he sat beside me. I shrugged indicating that I have no idea. I guess I have to apologize to him somehow.
Chris, JC, Justin and Nick finally arrived together. I thought that sleep is good for me knowing that it would be a long travel to the next location. And I don't wanna face Nick and the others in their little thing and I'm still drained with my call awhile ago. I entered the bunks area seeing that Lance was dozing off as well. He looked so peaceful... so innocent. I laid myself on the bunk and thought of what tomorrow would bring. I didn't know that it brought me to a dreamless sleep.
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Hey there y'all!
16 y'all! Can't believe that it's already in the 16th chapter but anyway! Just wanna wish y'all a very MERRY CHRISTMAS! I'll try to bring out another chapter before Christmas but I am not promising anything to anyone! I guess that before the year ends, I'll post the Brian-Marty scene.
Please vote for NSYNC/BSB for the MTV Asia Awards! Both are up for Best Pop Act and Best Video! Either of the two would be good, but I am suggesting NSYNC more! *LoL* We could also vote for them in the People's Choice Award! Anyway, NSYNC is also nominated in the AMA's! Hurray for them! A big congrats for NSYNC's win in Billboard Awards.
A big 'HI' to the people in the Nifty Boyband Chatroom! They are so nice, especially Dru, CJ, Duckie, Clive... and the list goes on. Wanna say hi to my friends Byron and Reggie who have helped me with their support and their friendship! Finally, a big thank you to David, without him, we won't be reading any of the best slash fics in the world!
PLEASE!!!! Send me feedbacks... I'm a feedback addict! I so love those feedbacks. Short, long, good or bad, or just whatever... drop me a line okay? Addie is email@example.com. EMAIL me. If you have any problem with the HTML thingy, please tell me. And I also got the Yahoo Messenger thingy so that's also good so we can exchange IM's or something. The ID is pseud0nym2001. A BIG BIG BIG BIG 'Thank you' to all of you who emailed! :-)
these are a few of my faves in the archive that inspired me to write and I hope you like them as well:
... these are a few of them but there are lots more... trust me.