you are under 18 or not of legal age in your country, please don't read on. If
you couldn't accept themes in the likes of homosexuality, please don't read on.
This is a story concerning gay males having intimate relationships and is
considered FOR ADULTS ONLY due to its sexual theme and contents. BUT if
you really like this stuff, please don't tell others.
Everything in this story is purely FICTIONAL. Or it's not true!!! Even if this story involved the Backstreet Boys and a fictitious character, all that happens here is fictional... again, it's not true. I don't know anything about their sexuality, if they're gay (but I do have my speculations) or not but I wrote this out of freedom of speech and my love for these guys. I don't own or know the Backstreet Boys personally. I do know that Brian Littrell is married with Leighanne Wallace (rolls my eyes), so let's just assume that they didn't. AGAIN, it's NOT TRUE!!! but don't we all hope that it's true... hehehehe...
Hey guys and gals!
Hi everyone! This is the second chapter of The Reformation. Well, this is a BSB story that involves Brian Littrell of BSB and a fictitious character. I hope that you like this one like Crossed Paths.
A bunch of apologies for the typographical and grammatical errors found. I finally realized that I hate prepositions... I'm having a hard time using them!
In this story, Leighanne and Brian are not married even if they are. They seemed happy (?) but this is my fiction so here, Leighanne is not married to Brian.
Thanks to those who have emailed me giving their feedbacks and please continue on sending those because those are really appreciated and loved whether they are positive or negative ones.
I suggest these stories 'coz they really made a big impact in my writing:
Brian and Justin
Nick and Brian
Josh and Just
Studio in the Country
Sixth Backstreet Boy
Because I Love You
Get Another Boyfriend
Brian and Me
My New Life
Kevin and Justin
Living (found in www.mattewtime.com)
.... there are more but these are my favorites!
Please send comments, suggestions, or just to say hi to me. All are encouraged and very, very much appreciated.
EMAIL ME!!! email@example.com
FREEDOM OF EXPRESSION RULES!!!
Different. That's how I woke up. I just can't point to what is different here. Bed is still comfortable as ever. The blanket is warm as ever. The body next to me is snuggling to me.
Body snuggling to me?
I looked at the sleeping figure beside me wondering who it was. Then it dawned to me, it was Brian, my boyfriend. Boyfriend, I like the sound of that. It was a life shattering experience for me. Everything seemed to be different. It's like I'm a reformed person or something. It's like I'm not hating my life anymore but loving it by the minute.
For the first time in my life, I have a boyfriend. I have a love one who returns that love to me prolly equal to what I offer him. Someone loves me. I smiled at that thought. Brian will be there with me forever... forever? Wait, he's gonna leave later.
"Bri? Wake up." I nudged Brian. Nothing. "Bri? Wake up." I repeated. Brian just snuggled closer to me and grumbled something that can't be understood even by a Neanderthal. I was getting irritated with Brian so I decided how to make Brian wake up. I rolled him away from me until he's near the edge of the bed. "Brian, wake up." I said to him that caused him to roll towards the close edge and then...
"Ouch!" Brian exclaimed as he fell on the hard floor. "What was that for?" Brian asked as he held his back. I was roaring in laughter seeing Brian on the floor groaning like a truck hit him. Brian stood up from the floor and when he saw me laughing, a mischievous smile traced his face and he dove on me that started a wrestling match. After a few moments, we stopped horsing around but still tangled in a knot together. I just stared in his eyes searching for something and I noticed that he was doing the same. I know it was already love at that moment.
"Are you sure with this Brian?" I asked out of nowhere as I untangled myself from Brian. I just can't comprehend why Brian, a famous beautiful pop star would 'fall in love' with an ugly dork like me.
"I'm sure about this but I'm not sure why you're hiding your true self." Brian said that left me shocked. Hiding my true self? How could he know that? "I know that you are just hiding in that facade... it's not the REAL you." Brian said as he nuzzled closer to me. I was left speechless with his observation. For years I have hidden myself from the world to not burden me. I know that Brian deserves an explanation but I'm not sure if I'm ready to tell him everything in my past. God please do something...
God must have heard my prayers coz the phone suddenly rang. Brian looked at me for a while waiting for an answer but there was none that I could muster. It seemed that my hands were more interesting in that room than anything at that time. Brian sighed and just reached for the phone and answered it.
"Hello?" He answered. Brian listened to the other party's rambling about something that I can't hear. "I'll be there and I'm bringing Martin. " Brian stated as he hang up the phone. He sighed out loud and I looked at him quizzically. "Later, we'll talk more about this but we have to meet the guys for breakfast now." Brian said as he stood away from me and took a few articles of clothing for him to look more decent than a pair of boxers.
I forced myself to follow his lead but I was so nervous upon meeting the other Backstreet Boys... again. I don't know if you count being seen by Kevin, AJ and Howie disturbed in their sleep. They prolly can't remember that there was a certain 'Martin' last night, well except for Nick who will surely say or do something about this.
Brian and I walked out of the room in silence. I don't know his reason of his silence but for me, I was nervous... very nervous. "Don't be nervous." Brian said. I looked at him and smiled a genuine one. "You have a really good smile, you know." Brian said and we stopped in front of a door. Brian knocked and waited for an answer. There were noises heard in the room that sounded like fights or something.
The door swinged open and Kevin's head pop out. "Hi there cuz and... Martin?" Kevin asked with a little hesitation. I'm right. They didn't remember. I chuckled a little. "It is Martin right?" Kevin asked again.
"Yeah." I said softly. Kevin opened the door wider so we can enter the room. The room was similar to Brian's but a little cleaner than his. There was a cart that was filled with different kinds of food. Howie and AJ were in a corner eating while talking. And, there is no sign of Nick... yet.
"Let's eat." Brian said to me. I hesitated whether I should or not. Is this imposing too much? Does this prove that Nick was correct with his assumption with me? I didn't move from my position in the room so Brian thought of a good idea. Brian dragged me to the cart and handed me a plate, which he filled with food. And when I say filled with food, it was really FILLED with food.
"Brian? I think I can't finish all of this." I said to Brian. Brian looked at me and just smiled.
"Nonsense. You can finish all of that. Trust me." Brian winked at me and we walked to another corner of the room. The food was really good and Brian was correct, I could finish all of the food he placed. It was too delicious. The door opened and Nick came inside. Our eyes met and a scowl formed in his face. He really doesn't like me.
Brian sensed that Nick and I were having a glaring contest so Brian decided to catch my attention when his hand crawled to my thigh and squeezed it that made me almost jump. I looked at him and he smiled at me. Nick just disappeared in my world at the moment and only Brian existed. Brian and I chatted with nonsense stuff and we didn't notice that the other four Backstreet Boys were looking at us. Brian sensed this and he just quieted that made me quiet as well.
"I guess we should tell them." Brian whispered to me. I just nodded 'yes' and he faced his group. "Um, guys I don't know how to tell this..." Brian trailed off.
"You are gay and that guy is your boyfriend." AJ said. Brian looked at him with shock in his face. "What? It's too obvious and Brian, your hand is on his thigh." AJ added that made Howie and Kevin chuckle.
"You're okay with this?" Brian asked nervously.
"No we are not. We should kick you off." AJ said filled with sarcasm. "Of course not! We're brothers here including the guy beside you." AJ said with a grin. Howie and Kevin just nodded but Nick is a different story. Nick just stood up and walked out of the room that left Brian crying. I hugged him trying to give him comfort and whispering that it's gonna be okay.
"You know Nick Bri. He'll understand soon." Howie said trying to give comfort to Brian as well. As far as I'm concern, Nick and I will have a little chat later.
After a while Brian stopped crying and I wiped away the tears that has streaked his beautiful face. "Bri, you wanna rest for awhile?" I asked Brian who agreed. We, actually only I said the goodbyes and we walked towards his room. Once we entered the room, I undressed him to his boxers and I laid him down on the bed. Poor guy, he started crying once we entered the room and I can't do anything about it. I hate that feeling so much.
I guess Nick does play an important part in his life. After awhile, the sobs seized and Brian has fallen asleep. I quietly walked out of the room and from memory, went to Nick's room.
I was in front of Nick's room and the feeling that was filling my body was anger. I was angry because Nick is such a prick. I was angry because Brian was hurt due to Nick's insensitivity. I was angry because it happened to me in the past as well. I knocked at the door and after awhile it opened and there stood Nick. The same smug look was pasted in his face... talking about the king of all assholes.
"We will talk." I stated and entered his room. Nick was about to say something but I just interrupted him. "We will talk." I said again with more conviction. Nick closed the door and faced me.
"What do you want?" He asked in a cold tone.
"What I want? I don't want anything from you because you're the most insensitive piece of shit that walked this earth!" I shouted at him. I breathed in trying to control the emotions that were running amok in my body. "I'm calm. 1... 2... 3..." I said to myself. I looked at Nick again but the hateful look that was present in his face melted to one of shock. "Like I said, I don't want anything from you but Brian does. Don't you know that Brian is in his room right now sleeping after crying so hard?" I said in a calmer tone but the resentment was still evident in my voice.
Nick didn't answer me. Nick didn't even look at me at that time. Once I said the name of Brian, he looked away. Probably, the guilt is eating him or maybe he just doesn't care about Brian.
"Is this the way you gonna act? Your friend just revealed that he's gay and you walked out of him showing him that you don't like that he's gay." I tried to explain to him what he did. "What will you do if that happens to you? And you know that your coming out will happen in the near future." I said to him. Nick looked at me with shock upon hearing my words.
"What do you mean?" Nick stuttered. I can't believe he was playing dumb with me.
"Nick, I don't play around. I know that you're gay and you're in love with Brian." Nick's face contorted with fear. I don't know why he never realized that because his actions were screaming it. "You were angry last night because he's with a guy... like Larry. I know he did a shitty thing but the real reason is that you're jealous. And, you are in those tight moods they were saying because you want Brian to ask what's the problem. You just want his attention." I told him my observations. Nick didn't bother to answer me. I know he knows that I'm right but he's just too stubborn to admit it.
I have said my piece to Nick and it's up to him if he's gonna accept what I said or reject it. I walked towards the door to get out of the room. "Martin?" Nick's voice stopped me from touching the knob of the door. His voice was filled with pain and sadness. I looked at the crying figure of Nick that totally broke my heart.
I walked towards him and gave him an embrace. "I'm sorry Nick if what I said came out harsh but it's the truth and you gotta see that." I said to him while he sobbed more against my shoulder.
"I just don't know what to do if Brian is not with me. It's like my world is crashing down on me seeing him with another person... with you. He's not gonna be there when I need him because he's with you. But I didn't mean what I did earlier to him. I love him too much." Nick told me his insecurities and his pains.
"Nick, Brian's gonna be there with you when you need him. If he doesn't, I'll kick his ass." I said to him that made him smile a little.
"You think he's gonna forgive me?" Nick asked hopefully.
"I don't think so." I said to him that made him look at me with shock. "I know that he's gonna forgive you." I said with a smile. Nick wiped away his tears. "I'm gonna go to Brian now. Talk with him later okay?" I said to him as I broke our embrace. Nick just nodded yes and I walked out of the room with a smile pasted on my face. Brian's gonna be happy later.
I entered Brian's room and he's still sleeping. He really looks so peaceful when he sleeps. I sat down on the chair beside the bed and thought of the events that transpired; the events that changed my life. I still can't believe that someone loves me. It's me!
The phone rang and I immediately answered it to not disturb Brian's sleep. It was Kevin. "What's up Kevin?" I answered Kevin.
"Where's Brian? Is he okay?" Kevin asked me.
"He's sleeping at the moment and he's gonna be okay." I said with a knowing smile.
"That's good to hear. Please tell him that we gotta go in an hour." Kevin said.
"Okay." I hanged up the phone. I looked at Brian and decided that I'll take a bath first before I wake Brian up.
I peeled off my clothes and walked towards the bathroom to take a bath. I turned the knob of the shower and made sure that it's the right temperature for a soothing bath. I stood there under the water for a long time trying to relax my nerves and muscles that were so stressed with just one day. I can't believe that I fell in love in just one day and he's leaving later. The thought of Brian's departure just destroyed my high mood.
I ended my shower and looked at the mirror. It reflected to me the person that I tried to hide from society. The person that I concealed with a black framed glasses, dorky hair and hideous clothes. Is it time to bring you back? Voices kept arguing in my head battling if I should give the real Martin another chance of real life.
I dried my hair and combed it to the style that I used to have before my family disowned me. I walked out of the bathroom only with the towel and entered the bedroom. Brian was awake already.
"Who are you?" Brian asked me. Brian doesn't know me?
"It's Marty." I answered him with the confidence back in my voice. Brian looked at me with surprise in his eyes.
"Martin?" Brian asked me. I just nodded at him with a grin. "What did you do to yourself?" He inquired.
"You said I should show my real self. This is the real me." I answered him. "You don't like?" I asked.
"What? Are you mad! You just look so different but you look so... gorgeous!" Brian said with a grin that made me blush. I smiled at him and walked towards him giving him a kiss.
"You better get ready coz you're gonna be leaving in 40 minutes." I reminded him. Brian nodded and walked towards the bathroom. "Brian? Can I borrow something to wear?" I asked him. Brian just nodded again and smiled at me. Brian entered the bathroom and I heard the shower.
I walked towards his closet and skimmed his clothes. Good fashion sense. I picked a shirt that hugged my body well and a pair of loose khakis. After I was dressed, I started to place his clothes in his bag to save time and to do something as well. After a few minutes, Brian walked in the bedroom only in a towel wrapped around his waist.
Wow. It's the first time I've seen him almost naked and I'm in awe. His body was toned and not that bulky. Just the type I love. And the bulge hidden by the towel just screams 'big'. Probably, the only flaw is the scar on his chest, which I would ask later about.
"You look great!" I said to him with a smile. "By the way, I picked the attire that will surely look great on you!" I handed him a blue button shirt and a pair of slacks.
"The guys will not recognize you." Brian said as he took the clothes I picked out. "You look so gorgeous." Brian chimed which made me blush. Brian thinks I'm beautiful. I wanted to rebut what he said but he gave me a passionate kiss. I returned the kiss to him and it seemed that he was liking it because of a hard bulge that was pressing on my thigh.
"C'mon Bri. You gotta get ready." I said to him.
"Do I have to?" Brian whined like a kid. Wait, he acts like a kid most of the time... and he's horny as a teen.
"Yes you have to Mister. Go!" I said to him. Brian really looked so cute when he pouts. After a few minutes, Brian was dressed and his bags were closed ready to be picked up. We carried his bags outside where a hotel employee was waiting for to be delivered ahead.
We returned to his room but the feeling was heavy in the room. It was one of our last moments together temporarily I hope. "I guess this is the part where we part ways." I said with a weak smile.
"I guess." Brian said softly. "I wish I don't have to leave you here." Brian said his frustration.
"But you have to Brian. It is your job and mine is in here in a little computer shop." I said to him. "And I will stay in touch with you whether you like it or not." I added to lift his spirits even if mine was dropping down.
"I know but you know that it's different. I can't hold you like this." Brian took my hand and held it close to his heart. "I can't embrace you like this." Brian gave me a hug and breathed on my ear that made my knees weak. "And I can't kiss you like this." Brian kissed my lips with love and passion. Tears started falling down from my eyes because of the feelings that I kept bottled inside because of his departure. I can't believe that I finally found my love and I have to let go of him. "Don't cry Martin." Brian cooed but the feeling was just too intense.
"I don't know what to do without you." I said to him.
"We'll just have to make up for the lost time when we see each other." Brian said to me with a hint of passion. It made me smile. I wiped away the tears that have fallen and stared at his blue eyes.
"You better be." I said to him and kissed him again. I'll surely miss those kisses.
We were still in the middle of making out when a knock at the door interrupted us. "Who is it?" Brian asked.
"Nick. Can I come in?" Nick said behind the door. Brian's face turned pale upon hearing the voice of Nick. I know he wanted to cry again and he doesn't want to see or even hear Nick but I know that Nick is here for something good not to bash or make Brian lower.
"Come in Nick!" I said that made Brian's head snap in my direction. His face was filled with shock with what I did. He prolly thinks that I wouldn't let Nick see us ever.
Nick entered the room slowly. Nick gazed at us and a scowl traced his face. Uh-oh, that's not good. "Brian I can't believe that you replaced Martin that quick. I came here to apologize because I was acting like a prick and now I see you with another guy!" Nick said. Brian and I looked at each other and the nervous feeling diminished and we just started laughing.
"Um Nick? I'm Martin." I said in between my laughter. Nick blushed with embarrassment and a little bit of shock with the difference in my look.
"You're Martin?" Nick looked at me quizzically trying to really see if I'm Martin or not. "You're Martin! God, you look so different but you are so... gorgeous." Nick shouted with excitement. Nick's words made me chuckle that made the two look at me with questioning looks.
"You know? That's the exact same words Brian said when he saw me." I said. The two looked at each other and smiles formed in their faces. Isn't that a good ending with their conflict?
"Brian, I'm so sorry for what I did earlier. I have no right to make you so sad when I walked out earlier. Martin made me realize that I was acting like a prick and I promise that I would change for the better. I just hope that you're not mad at me." Nick apologized.
"Nick, you know I can't get mad at you. We're Frick and Frack forever remember?" Brian said and he gave Nick a friendly hug. I know that there was no malice involved in their embrace but just an expression of a good platonic relationship.
"Thank you." Nick said to Brian and probably to me because he also looked at me when he said that. "By the way Martin, you're coming with us?" Nick asked.
"I wish I can but I still have to earn for a living." I lied. I just don't know if I could endure seeing Brian leaving in a plane and me left there watching him leave me. I don't know if I could stand that scene.
"Okay." Brian said with a trace of dejection in his voice. Nick looked at me with shock but he prolly realized that I don't want to see Brian leave.
"C'mon. The guys are waiting in the lobby." Nick said trying to break the heavy emotions that were pouring inside the room. The three of us walked to the elevator in silence. Even Nick didn't break the silence in the elevator and I tell you it was like someone died. We were all glum and so silent. The only noise that disrupted the silence was the elevator when it reached the ground floor.
We walked towards the three Backstreet Boys who seemed to be chatting. The three looked at us but their eyes set on me with confused looks.
"Who are you?" Kevin asked.
"Yeah who are you? Where's the other guy?" AJ asked eagerly.
"Martin? That's me." I said with a smile. The three looked at each other and gazed at me trying to check if it's really me.
"You're Brian's Martin?" Howie asked. I just nodded 'yes'. "You look so different." Howie added.
"And I see the two has made up." Kevin pointed at Nick and Brian who seemed to be giggling because of the reactions of their band mates. The two just nodded and giggled more. "C'mon, we have a plane to catch." Kevin said that made the two stop laughing. Brian looked at me with sadness in his eyes
"Go on! I'll call you 'kay?" I said to him and he just nodded. I bid them farewell and watched them leave in their limo. I walked to my car sadly. It seemed that nature was feeling what I felt because the sky darkened and it seemed that we're gonna have a shower.
Once inside my car, the tears began to flow generously. I cried for a few minutes until there were no more tears to be shed. I drove to my house and when I walked inside the empty house, the feeling of being alone was getting on me. I need somebody.
I picked up the phone and dialed a familiar number. After a few rings a familiar voice answered the phone. "Rich?" I said on the phone trying not to show the loneliness in my voice. Like I could hide my cracking voice at that time.
"Marty? What's going on?" Rich's voice was filled with concern and worry. I wanted to tell him what's wrong but my voice failed me. Only sobs escaped from my mouth that made Rich worry more. "Marty, take your time. When you're ready tell me." Rich said. I just cried and sometimes say incoherent words.
It prolly lasted for 10 minutes until I have composed myself again. I breathed in trying to gather all the strength in me so I could talk to Rich in a better way. I told him. I told him everything from the computer shop until Brian's departure earlier.
"Marty, I wanna say that I'm happy with you because you finally found someone. Always remember if someone is for you, he will be for you no matter how far the distance is between you or whatever obstacles that you're facing. Love will always find its way to connect two hearts in love." Rich is so poetic sometimes. He just needs to apply his own bits of advice in his life.
"I know but it's just so painful that he left." I answered.
"But you said it yourself that it's his job and it's not like you won't see each other. Take this situation as a test of your love for him. If you really love him, you'll remain strong and wait for him." Rich sounded so correct sometimes. A test of my love? I know by heart and mind that I truly love Brian and if this is what it takes to prove that I love him... then I shall be waiting for him.
"I think I'm okay now." I said on the phone. "I don't wanna be rude but can I hung up on you coz Brian must be trying to call me and I don't have call waiting." I said rather bluntly.
"It's alright. Just ring me anytime." Rich said and I hung up the phone. I tried to think about what Rich said to me. Is it really worth it? I thought about Brian. I thought of Brian's mesmerizing blue eyes. I thought of Brian's melting smile. I thought of Brian's angelic voice. I thought of Brian's beautiful soul. It's worthy.
My flow of thought was disrupted by the phone. I just know that it was Brian because who will call me in the first place? I don't have a family anymore and I just hanged up on Rich. I took the phone and answered it. "Hi Brian! How's the trip?" I said with excitement.
"Hey Marty. The trip was fine but I think it would be better if you were there with me holding me." Brian said with a hint of sadness in his voice.
"Aaaw... isn't that sweet?" I chimed trying to break the train of sadness that surely will start. "When I see you again, just make sure that you'll make up with the loss okay?" I said with a little seduction in my voice.
"Sure babe. Kevin's calling me. I'll call you later okay? Love ya." Brian said on the phone. I said my goodbyes and I love you's and we hung up the phone. Wow, I can't believe that someone loves me. I laid on the bed still feeling the high of knowing that Brian loves me. I just tried to block all the pessimistic thoughts that were plaguing me and concentrated with the positive ones. Those positive thoughts brought me to a dreamless good sleep.
That's chapter two of the series. I just hoped that you enjoyed this one like I did writing it.
Please send comments, suggestions, or just to say hi to me. All are encouraged and very, very much appreciated.
EMAIL ME!!! firstname.lastname@example.org