R e f o r m a t i o n
C h a p t e r    3 9  

 by r (y) @ n [windang@softhome.net]

  Justin sighed. "Fine, I'm planning to make a solo album as well." Justin answered me that made me surprised. My mouth just dropped. I was staring at him like he grew a new head.

"Just great." I said sarcastically rubbing my head when I snapped out of my shock. I knew from that point that it was gonna be a new headache for everyone. "Does JC know?" I asked him.

"Not yet." He answered sheepishly.

"You do know that Josh will blow his top when you tell him this." I told him truthfully. "And you have to deal with the guys as well."

"I know." Justin answered saddened. I looked at Josh and saw how he was so absorbed in what he was reading. He was wearing a pair of reading glasses that made him look more intellectual.

"Don't do this Justin." I told him.

Justin looked at me. "I have to do this." Justin told me.

"I know that you're just doing this to hurt Nick." I said.

"That was the plan before." Justin admitted. "But that's not all. I just needed something for myself. I know it's selfish but I want to grow on my own with my music. I want to show the world that I can make music without NSYNC. I know that people out there still think that we don't have talent and stuff but I want to show them that I have one." Justin tried to explain.

"They're gonna be one pissed off bunch." I informed him looking at the others subtly.

"I'm ready for it." Justin told me confidently. Inside, I was thinking, 'yeah right.'

"I dunno Jus. I wanna be happy but I know that it could end up in a disaster. You're going head on with your boyfriend. And this is gonna tear Josh apart. You know that he loves you and Nick and the two of you acting like rivals won't help." I said to Justin what I thought. Justin didn't answer and me and just looked at Josh who was still reading and oblivious of the brewing storm ahead.

"We are near the hotel." Lance informed us all. I didn't hear Justin answer me because we broke up to take care of our things. After a few minutes, the bus stopped and we filed out of the bus to our rooms. In a normal day, I would have expected entering a hotel room but knowing that I was gonna be alone once again was not really promising for me.

Joey and the others -- minus Justin, Josh and I -- were still having a blast. They were chattering about different stuff but I wasn't really following. We were already stepping out of the elevator when my cell phone rang. I looked at the screen and it gave an anonymous number. Who could it be? "Hello." I answered.

"Hey Martin. Wade here. I forgot to remind y'all that we're gonna have a session today. I have rented a studio nearby so we can use it." Wade told me.

"Okay Wade. I'll tell them." I replied.

"Thanks man! I'll see you later." Wade said and hung up.

"What did Wade want?" Joey asked.

"Let's just place our things in our rooms and then get your dance gears. We have a practice session with Wade." I informed them and it only elicited a groan. "I know it's gonna be a pain but you need it with the new choreography and everything." I reminded them. They just groaned once again but this time, it was louder than the first. I rolled my eyes and we split up to our own rooms and deposited our things.

I changed to a wifebeater, sweat pants and a pair of comfortable sneakers for dancing. I also packed in a small duffel bag a few things that I would use once we were done practicing. After making sure that I have everything, I walked out of the room and waited for the others.

One by one, they stepped out of their room in more comfortable clothes and once completed, we walked to the elevator and began our descent to the lobby. "Do you know where the studio is located?" Lance asked.

"No. I can just call," I started but Lance flipped out his cell phone and pressed a few numbers. My guess was that he was calling Wade already for directions.

"You've been working out?" Joey inquired.

"Yeah." I said grinning. "Kevin and Howie kept dragging me to the hotel gym and I couldn't say 'no' to them." I explained.

"You look great. I'll have to drag you to the gym once in a while as well." Justin noted and I just blushed. Thank God the elevator opened and we all stepped out. Some of their bodyguards were waiting for us and when they saw us, they immediately moved closer to us looking around. There were a few fans earlier outside but knowing the capabilities of fans, there's gonna be a crowd outside later on.

"This way." One of them said ushering us to the back. I just kept following them not knowing where we were going. The next thing I knew was we were already out of the hotel and being told to enter the SUV parked. I wasn't in the right mind not to obey them. They were huge!

I ended up sitting in between Josh and Justin. My hunch is that they're still not in speaking terms. Josh was maintaining his ground and Justin couldn't really raise his pending album. The tension was thick but only I could feel it. I was in between the crossfire. "I'm making an album!" Justin just blurted out that shocked me.

"WHAT?!" All of them exclaimed. All eyes were on Justin. Even Josh was staring at him with disbelief.

"I already talked to Johnny and JIVE. I'm gonna make a solo album." Justin informed them.

"You're busting out?" Chris asked seriously.

"NO!" Justin answered loudly. "We're gonna go on a hiatus anyway. So, I can make something while we're not together. I'm not leaving NSYNC." Justin cleared. I think everyone in the SUV was relieved hearing that.

"I want to talk to you later alone." Josh stated with fire in his eyes. That's the look that no one wants to mess with. One can see the anger and hurt in Josh's eyes especially since he's just so expressive with his emotions. Just one look at his face and you know something is up.

Justin gulped and nodded. I'll probably pray for his soul.

The rest of the trip was spent in silence. No one dared to speak even Joey and Chris. They were unusually silent. Well, maybe except Lance's chattering on the phone with some business. He was still working with his astronaut dream and his management company.

When we arrived in the studio, we all filed out of the SUV and walked inside the studio. Wade was already in there stretching. "Hey guys!" Wade greeted them.

"Hey Wade." They greeted him blandly.

"Hey!" I said enthusiastically. He looked at me confused. He must be wondering what's up with the guys. I just shook my head.

"Okay, let's start. Stretch those bodies! Now!" Wade instructed. We placed our things in a corner and started stretching. Wade was near me. "What's up with them?" He whispered to me.

"It's a long story." I told him.

"I can make time." Wade answered. "After this, give me 10 laps around the perimeter of the studio." He added. The guys groaned.

"Fine." I said and started to tell him the story behind the sudden lack of enthusiasm of the guys.

"That is a problem." Wade said. "Do you think they can still learn this?" He asked me.

I looked at them entering the room once again. All were silent. "I think they can. They're professionals. They won't sacrifice a good show because they're down." I answered. Wade nodded in agreement.

"Let's start!" Wade started as we formed.

It was really tiring. Wade and I helped the guys with the new choreography. Actually, the changes weren't really much but the faster pacing that I placed made it tough. The motions were more fluid and quicker. And the guys were really having a hard time, especially Lance. I was the one who was helping Lance individually. I thought that Wade could handle the others and Lance needed the extra attention. "You still okay?" I asked him once we settled for a short break.

"You are killing me." Lance panted as he dropped to the floor breathing hard.

"Come on! We're having fun." I said as I sat beside him.

"Having fun my ass." Lance deadpanned. I just rolled my eyes.

"You're doing well." I told him.

"Really?" He asked looking at me with a sparkle in his eyes. I nodded and he smiled at me.

"You rest for a while. I'll just get my phone and see if someone called me." I told Lance and left. I walked to my bag and fished out my cell phone. I went to my voice mail and learned that I have two messages.

"Hey baby!" Brian's voice started. It made me smile. "I'm still here with the guys and I think we're going somewhere. Nick was here earlier and man, he looks like shit. Anyway, I just called to tell you that I'm alive and I love you. Call me when you can, okay? Bye!" Brian's voice stopped.

"It's Nick. I know that y'all don't wanna talk with me and everything and you're still prolly pissed at me with my disappearing act. I just can't deal with everything and I want to tell you how sorry I am. I would really appreciate it if you call me or something. Anyway, good luck with the tour. Bye." Nick's message ended. He sounded so lost and sad. I couldn't help not to look at Josh and Justin. Josh was glaring at Justin while Justin looked meek.

I dialed Nick's number. After a few rings, he answered. "Thanks for calling Martin." Nick said.

"You know that you can always depend on me. But I'm still pissed at you for just leaving without saying anything. Even if it was a heavy thing to deal." I scolded him.

"I know, I know. I'm sorry about that." Nick apologized.

"How are you?" I asked.

"I'm doing much better compared to last time. But I'm still a little bit off because Josh and Just are still not talking with me. I really miss them." Nick replied.

"Just give it time, Nick. You hurt them and they need time to heal." I tried to console him.

"How are they?" Nick inquired.

"They're, um, doing well." I answered nervously.

"Okay." Nick said awkwardly. "Anyway, I have to jet. Tell my guys that I love them and if they're ready to talk with me, I'm just here waiting."

"Okay, Nick. Good luck there and take care." I said and hung up. I decided that I would just call Brian later on after practice so I wouldn't feel rushed or something while talking with him. I placed my cell phone inside my bag and walked to Josh. "Stop glaring at him." I whispered.

"He deserves it." Josh said not breaking his glare.

"Anyway, I just spoke with Nick." I informed Josh that made him look at me. "He said that he loves you two and misses you two a lot. If you wanna call him, he's okay now." I relayed. Josh smiled.

"Thank you!" He said hugging me and then rushing to his bag to probably call Nick. Justin looked at me weirdly so I walked to him.

"What was that all about?" He asked me.

"I just relayed Nick's message." I said. "Nick wants to tell you both that he loves you both and really misses you two already. If you wanna talk to him, he's okay now." I repeated my message. I sounded like a voice recorder.

"Figures." Justin said bitterly.

"Don't be like that, Jus." I told him.

"I know that Josh loves Nick more than me. Just look at him." Justin said. I looked at JC and he was smiling and so hyper. He was a ball of energy once again.

"He just misses Nick. Josh loves you both but he doesn't like you right now because of what you pulled. It really makes you bad." I told him.

"Nick did it." Justin defended.

"Jus, Nick was forced to do it because of JIVE. No one is forcing you and you suggested it. It sounds like you want to put up a fight or something." I explained. "And you've been distant. Always going to these parties and meeting this different people. Josh really needed you but you weren't there." I added.

"I know. I wanna tell him how sorry I am but this mess has been too much." Justin said sadly.

"He loves you. If you'll just talk to him and tell him what you feel, I know that everything will be alright. And talk to Nick too. He loves you so much." I said. Justin just smiled at me and nodded.

"Back to work!" Wade bellowed. Josh was smiling as we continued with our practice. He forgot about glaring at Justin for the rest of the day. Justin on the other hand was out of concentration. He made more mistakes than Lance! He just kept on stumbling and missing some moves. At the end of the day, Wade wasn't really happy with the guys' performance. Well, they sucked.

Wade let us all leave. The guys were dead beat tired and I couldn't blame them. "This is all Martin's fault." Joey said once we entered the SUV.

"Hey, it's not my fault that you guys aren't in shape." I defended myself. We returned to the hotel in silence. Again, I was sandwiched between Josh and Justin. Josh was the only one who wasn't tired. He was still hyper and his mouth was doing all the exercise. He just kept on how excited he was with talking with Nick again. Justin on the other hand was squirming beside me.

When we reached the hotel, I was so anxious to get out and stay away from them. I needed some time for myself. "Early wake up call tomorrow. We're off to New Jersey." Lance declared as we entered the elevator. They just groaned. Can't the elevator go any faster?!

Once the elevator doors opened up to our floor, I was the first one who stepped out. "I'll meet you tomorrow! Good night! Goodbye!" I said racing to my door. They were just standing staring at me. I opened the door, got in and closed it. "Thank God!" I said to myself.

I opened the lights and placed my duffel bag on the sofa. I needed a bath. I stripped down until I was nude and walked to the bathroom to take my much needed bath. I turned on the shower and set it to a warm temperature. It was just right for my aching muscles.

I really indulged with the feeling of relaxation and comfort. I needed it. But as always, I couldn't stay forever. I shut off the shower and stepped out of the booth. Grabbing a towel, I dried myself and walked back to the room. "Empty once again." I said sadly. I wore a pair of boxers and lay down on the big comfy bed.

I picked up the phone and dialed Brian's number hoping that he'll answer. After a few rings, someone answered. "Hello?" I knew that it was Brian. I knew that voice.

"Bri?! I missed you so much!" I exclaimed.

"Hey there! Excited to hear my voice?" He teased.

"You betcha! When are you gonna come back?" I asked him.

"I really don't know yet. We're trying to settle the Nick solo album problem but it's not yet over." He sighed.

"That bad?" I asked.

"Yeah. But it's good to see Nick even if he looked like shit when he showed up." Brian replied.

"Yeah, he called me earlier. He sounded okay to me. Josh is on cloud nine right now because he talked with Nick a while ago so Nick will be probably like that as well." I told him.

"That's nice to hear. What about Justin? He okay with Nick?" He asked.

"He's having his own issues but I think Josh can handle him." I answered and then someone knocked at the door. "Or not. Someone's at the door. I'll call you back, okay?" I said on the phone.

"Yeah! I'm so bored here! There's nothing to do. And I miss you so much. I love you!" He said to my happily.

"I love you too. Bye!" I said smiling and hung up the phone. I replaced the handset on the cradle and proceeded to open the door. The knocking was still there.

I peeked in the little hole and saw Josh standing. He was mad. It was traced on his face. "Hey Josh!" I greeted with a smile as I opened the door. He just entered and walked pass me.

"I really hate him right now!" Josh declared.

"Him?" I asked.

"Justin!" He shouted. "That selfish self-centered... grrr!" He said plopping down on the couch.

"I heard that!" Justin suddenly appeared entering the room. Josh just rolled his eyes.

"What's going on in here?" I asked oblivious on what's going on.

"Him!" They said at the same time pointing at each other. They just gave a cry of frustration. I rolled my eyes and settled down on a chair.

"Very mature." I said sarcastically.

"Shut up!" They said at the same time and then they looked at each other. Again, I rolled my eyes.

"You talked with Nick?" I asked Justin.

He just raised his eyebrow. "Nope!" He answered.

"See! He won't even talk to his own boyfriend. Did you know that Nick really misses you a lot! He loves you too!" Josh exclaimed.

"I just can't talk to Nick like nothing happened because something did! I'm still hurt that he just left us with no goodbyes or anything and you're expecting me to just act like it never happened?" Justin shot back.

"YES!" Josh answered. "That's how relationships work. Read my lips. Compromise and sacrifice!" Josh said hotly.

"I'm not you Josh. I deal with things differently." Justin said.

"I know. You deal with the problem by making an album so you can have your revenge with Nick. You deal with your problems by leaving me in our room to go to those stupid parties! You're like Nick! You leave when you can't deal!" Josh told Justin angrily.

Justin didn't reply because he knew it was true. "Guys, calm down. You can't settle anything when you're this emotional." I said trying to break up the argument. "I want you two to take a break for an hour or so. No contact. Josh, remain in this room. Justin, go back to your room. Think about your situation and then talk about it once again." I instructed. The two nodded and followed.

Justin stepped out of the room closing the door. "Thanks." Josh told me.

"I ain't here to help you. You're gonna be staying here in the lounge room while I go to my bedroom to talk to Brian." I said leaving him in the room. Well, it gave me an hour of peace. I was gonna talk to Brian about everything and nothing and I knew that it would be the best moment of the day for me.


Chapter 37 here! I am so sorry for the delay! My life has been screwed by (1) too much work in school; and (2) I'm down with the flu. So I am not really feeling that well. But still, this came through so I hope you all like it. As usual, emails are loved so much I wanna marry them (joke)! Get the hint though. Oh yeah, belated happy birthday to BRIAN THOMAS LITRELL. He turned 28. :-) Also, do vote for Nick's Do I Have to Cry for You and JC's Blowin' Me Up (With Her Love) in your areas! They all need our support. :-) GO UNDERDOGS!

Thanks to ALL of you who have taken the time and EMAILED me! I truly appreciate it very much. It's really nice to know if there are people who are actually reading what I write.

PLEASE!!!! Send me feedbacks... I'm a feedback addict! I so love those feedbacks. Short, long, good or bad, or just whatever... drop me a line okay? I also have most of the IM programs out there and I'm usually on, hopefully you can catch me.
AIM : pseud0ry
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Also, I'm usually in the boyband chatroom.

EMAIL ADDRESS: windang@softhome.net


A big big "HI" to all my new friends in the Nifty Boyband chatroom, Nifty Writers room, and Crazy!!! There are too many names to mention but I guess Dru, Duckie and CJ are my frequent chatmates! So a big "hello" to the three of you! I wanna give a big shout out to my Danish pals, Chris and Danny. They have always given nice bits of advice to me especially when I felt low. I hope you two won't ever break up! :-) And finally, David!!!! Thank you very much for maintaining the Nifty archives. Without him, we won't be able to read any of the best slash stories.