R e f o r m a t i o n
C h a p t e r    3 8  

 by r (y) @ n [windang@softhome.net]


I closed the door of the bedroom and picked up the phone to call Brian. While waiting for Brian to answer, I sat down on the bed rubbing my temples. In my mind, I was reviewing the situation of Josh and Justin -- well, also Nick. As much as I wanted not to get involved, they were my friends and I just had to get involved. "Hello?" Brian answered the phone.

"Hi Bri. I told you I'll call you back." I told Brian as I lied down on the bed.

"I didn't expect you to call back immediately." Brian said. "I was picturing you with Josh and Justin whining about their sorry lives."

"You are so so right!" I said laughing. "That's what they did actually. They bitched and fought in front of me. I broke them apart to cool off. We're reconvening in an hour or so." I stated with a sigh.

"You can handle it." Brian told me.

"Let's change the subject. I have too much JC-Justin drama for the day and I'm gonna get another healthy dose later. Let's talk about you and how I miss you like crazy." I said in a playful tone.

"About me? Everything is still the same except my clothes that appears to be absent from my body." Brian chuckled.

"Not that!" I said sharply. "A hard-on is the last thing in my book right now." I told him.

"Aaaaw, no Bri to help Marty out?" Brian said in a child's voice.

"God! I miss you so so much. Please come back. I miss your childish antics and the great sex!" I said giggling.

"I miss that too!" Brian chimed in with a laugh. "Wait a minute." Brian said to me and I heard some shuffling in the other line. My hunch was that he was talking with someone because I could hear his faint voice. "Mart, sorry to cut it short but we are gonna meet an exec from Jive in a few minutes."

"I understand. You don't need to explain. I'll just hear from you soon." I told him.

"Yeah! Call you soon. Love you! Bye!" Brian said and hung up the phone. I sighed and replaced the phone to its cradle. I looked around the spacious room looking for something to occupy my mind since I really didn't want to see the lovers yet. I saw my laptop and decided that I would just do some work, not that I need it since everything was going nicely in the tour.

Maybe I can transfer some of the frustration to a song or two. I grabbed the laptop and my MIDI keyboard and hooked it up. I tinkered with the keys until I got a nice tune. The song seemed to write on itself as I made some chord progressions and the words just flowed out of my mind. Around an hour, I had a song. It was a disco song that Kylie Minogue could sing since she has been an expert in that genre.

I attached my microphone and made a demo of the song using my voice and a few synthesized effects.

Images in my mind
All seem so dillusional
Tell me what is true
Tell me what is lie

Free your mind
Lose the night
Set your body
Into the light

Free your mind
Lose the night
Set your body
Into the light

Senses that I have
Made to keep me sane
The truth is what I want
Even if it's pain

Free your mind
Lose the night
Set your body
Into the light

Free your mind
Lose the night
Set your body
Into the light

Free me, Free me,
Free me, Free me, hey...

Free me, Free me,
Free me, Free me, hey...

Free your mind
Lose the night
Set your body
Into the light

Free your mind
Lose the night
Set your body
Into the light

Once done, I saved it and shut down my laptop. "It's a productive day." I said to no one in particular. I looked at my watch and realized that I should be back with Josh and Justin already. They (or we) have a lot to talk about especially with their relationship. It was a special one and it's a shame to see if it's gonna crumble. I opened my door and saw Josh on the couch. He was lying down staring at the ceiling. "You okay?" I asked when I was a few meters away.

"Yeah." He said not breaking his gaze.

"Well, you don't look okay to me." I told him. I stood over him with my arms crossed. "You are hurting and that's not okay in my book. You fix yourself and I'll call Justin." I told him.

"Martin?" Josh called once I was by the door. I looked back at him. "You're a good friend. It's nice to know you." Josh said with a smile. I just nodded and walked out of the room. I walked to Justin's (and Josh's) room and knocked. I could hear a few shuffles and after a few seconds, the door opened with a disheveled looking Justin.

"What on earth happened to you?" I asked.

"I just needed to vent out." Justin said sheepishly. I opened the door wider and gasped with shock. The room was torn apart. The couches were in disarray and there were broken glasses on the floor.

"Did it help?" I asked.

"A little." He replied.

"Next time, go to the gym and use the punching bag." I advised him. "Now, come on and you and JC are gonna talk in a civil manner with no shouting." I said emphasizing at the words "civil" and "no shouting." Justin just smiled.

The two of us walked to my room and entered it. Josh was sitting on the couch facing us with a grim experssion. I looked at Justin and he looked like he was facing death from the look of his expression. I walked casually on a seat on the right side of Josh leaving Justin to sit directly in front of Josh. Slowly, Justin walked on the only available seat and sat down.

"Okay, let's talk now." Josh said blandly.

Justin seemed like he was waiting for something. I knew that we weren't gonna go anywhere if this would continue. "Okay." I started. "Justin, do you have anything to say?" I asked Justin.

"Um, I, I really du-dunno what to say..." Justin babbled. "I mean, I-I wanna say something and that is... I-I need you Josh." Justin seemed to be in the verge of tears because of the tension.

"Well, you have a poor way of showing that." Josh hissed.

"What does that suppose to mean?" Justin snapped.

"Guys, calm down." I tried to pacify the situation because a shouting match (again) was one of the last items in my list.

"I never felt that you needed me." Josh said staring directly at Justin. "You know why I was so distraught when Nick left? Because I felt needed when he was here. With you, I don't feel like a boyfriend or a lover. I'm just a warm flesh beside you when you arrive from your nightly escapades with your so-called new friends." Josh's tears were beginning to flow at the instance while Justin felt shameful.

"I'm sorry." Justin mumbled.

"And that has to make things all better? We can now go to our room and you can fuck me now, is that it?" Josh asked angrily.

"What do you want from me? A sorry is the one thing I can offer." Justin said at the same tone.

"Calm down." I said sternly.

Josh took a deep breath probably trying to control his temper. "Actions speak louder than words. You can start with limiting your nightly rendezvous and treating me like your boyfriend." Josh said.

"I… I can't." Justin replied that made me raise my eyebrow. "I mean, I can be your boyfriend and I'll treat you lovingly and all that romantic shit but I have to meet other people. I need this for my album." Justin said. I couldn't help not to shake my head with pity.

Josh was just staring and when Justin tried to touch his thigh, he stood up. "Don't touch me." Josh said moving back. "I don't want to see you right now. I'm getting all my things from our room and I'm moving…" He trailed off and I just nodded at him understanding the situation. "Here." He said and walked out.

"What did I do wrong?" Justin asked me confused.

"Think about what you just said." I said standing up and giving his shoulder a squeeze. "Think about which weighs more in your life." I said as I followed Josh out knowing that he needs more support than Justin at the moment.

I walked to their room and opened the door. I saw Josh rushing to their closet grabbing all clothes he can get and placing them in a big bag. Tears were also streaming down his face. "Josh…" I said that prompted Josh to stop and look at me.

"Did you hear what that bastard say?" Josh asked rhetorically. "He just exchanged me with those people! Me? His boyfriend!" He shouted. "I think boyfriend is not the right word. EX-boyfriend!"

"Josh, calm down." I said trying to sooth him.

"I just can't! I love him so much and he just gave it all up." Josh cried as he collapsed to the floor and sobbed more.

"Everything will be okay." I said rubbing his back. "Why don't you give Nick a call? He's still your boyfriend right? And you three are in this, so if something happens, he deserves to know as well."

"Yeah. I'm gonna call him now." Josh answered as he walked to the phone and dialed his number. I just continued the packing which seemed to be a mess. Clothes were scattered all over. "Nick?" I heard Josh say. It was really faint so I really couldn't hear much and personally, I really didn't want to eavesdrop. It's their problem and they're the ones who needed to solve it.

I just tried to filter the conversation out and concentrated on making the crumpled clothes a little bit presentable. I have a thing with crumpled clothes and even if it's a fad, no one will catch me wearing those things. I folded the clothes and sorted them. Yeah, one can say I have an obsessive-compulsive problem but I call it orderliness and cleanliness.

As much as I tried to concentrate with the packing, the sobbing of Josh was something no one can ignore. I glanced at him sometimes as I tried to do my task and most of the times; he was just crying and mumbling words in the phone. I wouldn't be surprised if Nick would fly here at this moment. Josh really needed him.

Finally, I was done. All of his clothes were folded and placed in the suitcase smoothly. I looked around and the room looked better. Maybe except the disarrayed bed but I was too scared to approach the bed since Josh was just slumped at the corner crying his heart out. So, I just decided to let myself out and have a little breather in my room.

When I opened the door, Justin was still in the room. He was still sitting on the same spot where we left him. He was just staring into space. "Jus?" I voiced as I closed the door. He snapped out of his trance looking a little bit confused.

"Josh still there?" He asked.

"Yeah. He's talking to Nick right now." I said and Justin cringed a little bit. "You're in a big mess right now." I told him as I sat down beside him.

"Do you think I don't know that?" He snapped. I just glanced at him. "Sorry for that. Everything seems to be out of place right now. Nothing goes my way." Justin said sourly as he released a deep breath.

"Whoever said that things should go your way?" I asked rhetorically. "You are in a big mess. You know that but what on earth are you gonna do about that? Are you just gonna stare at it and let it grow bigger until no one likes you anymore or are you the type who would try to find a solution for that problem? If I really know you, I know that you're the type who's gonna find a solution." I told him.

"Maybe I'm tired of this. Maybe this is really what I need." Justin breathed out.

"If you're talking of just maybe's then that's bad. Be sure about it. Think about it. Once you're done thinking about it once, think about it again until you are dead sure of your choice because your choice will be permanent and irreversible. Whether something good or bad comes out of it, you just have to accept that." I told him as I patted his shoulder.

"I…" Justin started when his cell phone began to ring. He fished it out of his pocket and answered it. "Hello?" He said. He then placed it away from his ear and I could hear a screaming Nick on the other line. "Calm down, Nick!" Justin said as he inched it closer to his ear.

"Talk to him. I'm just gonna go in the bedroom." I told him leaving him with an angry Nick. I sure don't want to talk to Nick in that mood.


First of all, I want to apologize for the delay of the chapters of this series. School has taken all of my time but I have written a few chapters that will bring this series to its end as well. Don't fret first. It's not going to be the end of Reformation but a book in this series. I'm hoping for putting a different style on the next book and I don't have a plot line for the next book yet. The last chapter of this book will be CHAPTER 40. So watch for that one.

Thanks to ALL of you who have taken the time and EMAILED me! I truly appreciate it very much. It's really nice to know if there are people who are actually reading what I write.

PLEASE!!!! Send me feedbacks... I'm a feedback addict! I so love those feedbacks. Short, long, good or bad, or just whatever... drop me a line okay? I also have most of the IM programs out there and I'm usually on, hopefully you can catch me.
AIM : pseud0ry
Yahoo! : yr_ry
MSN : yr_ry_@hotmail.com

Also, I'm usually in the boyband chatroom.

EMAIL ADDRESS: windang@softhome.net


A big big "HI" to all my new friends in the Nifty Boyband chatroom, Nifty Writers room, and Crazy!!! There are too many names to mention but I guess Dru, Duckie and CJ are my frequent chatmates! So a big "hello" to the three of you! I wanna give a big shout out to my Danish pals, Chris and Danny. They have always given nice bits of advice to me especially when I felt low. I hope you two won't ever break up! :-) And finally, David!!!! Thank you very much for maintaining the Nifty archives. Without him, we won't be able to read any of the best slash stories.