t h e R E F O R M A T I O N

Chapter 4


If you are under 18 or not of legal age in your country, please don't read on. If  you couldn't accept themes in the likes of homosexuality, please don't read on. This is a story concerning gay males having intimate relationships and is considered FOR ADULTS ONLY due to its sexual theme and contents. BUT if you really like this stuff, please don't tell others. 

Everything in this story is purely FICTIONAL. Or it's not true!!! Even if this story involved the Backstreet Boys and a fictitious character, all that happens here is fictional... again, it's not true. I don't know anything about their sexuality, if they're gay (but I do have my speculations) or not but I wrote this out of freedom of speech and my love for these guys. I don't own or know the Backstreet Boys personally. I do know that Brian Littrell is married with Leighanne Wallace (rolls my eyes), so let's just assume that they didn't. AGAIN, it's NOT TRUE!!! but don't we all hope that it's true... hehehehe...



"Wakey wakey!" A voice said chirpily drawing me out of my sleep. Who on earth would do such crime? I tried to open my eyes and saw a person jumping down my bed.


"Go away!" I said and burrowed my head in the sheets. The jumping didn't stop and that made me angrier. It's too early in the morning for someone to be so hyper and jolly. That means... "Rich? What are you doing here?" I said with irritation.


"Well, you have an airplane to catch remember?" Rich stepped down of the bed. Then it struck me. It's the day. The day I'll get to see Brian again. The day I would join the Backstreet Boys' Tour.


"Oh shit!" I stood up immediately and gazed at the watch. It read 7:00am. God, it's really too early but the plane leaves at 9:00am so it would really give me lots of time. I calmed down and the phone began to ring. 


Rich reached for it and a grin appeared on his face. "Who is this?" Pause. "Brian? Who on earth is Martin?" Rich was stiffling his laughter. "Yes, this is the number but there is no Martin." That does it. I grabbed the phone from Rich and ran away from him as fast as possible.


"Hi Bri!" I said out-of-breath. I tried to catch my breath but not working out for years make me tire faster. Okay, mental note... work out.


"Whoa there!" Brian exclaimed with a fit of giggles.

"Sorry about my friend there. He's being an ass this morning." I said on the phone. The next thing I know was a stinging sensation at the back of my head. I looked back and Rich was grinning. Bastard. "What's up today?" I said completely ignoring Rich.

"Nothing much. Just the usual sound check and a couple of photo shoots and that's it." Brian sighed. God, I'm so close in screaming that you'll be meeting me in a couple of hours.

"Oh Bri. Stop that! Everything will be okay. Trust me." I said to him knowingly. 

"Fine." Brian said. I could hear someone shouting something about being late and Brian shouting back. "That's my cue or Kevin would kill me. Love you!" Brian said and then he hung up the phone. I love you too.

I sighed and started to make my way towards the bathroom to start my day. A few more hours and me and Brian are gonna meet again. I just couldn't wait.



When I walked towards the dining room to have breakfast, there was a different aura in it. Rich was quiet. Rich was quiet? I looked at him quizzically. There was something different with his disposition. He was serious.

"What?" I questioned him.

"I'm just looking at my best friend and how you are now." Rich said seriously. "You know, I'm so grateful that you've finally returned to your old self. I just can't see you being the nerdy type and the subdued one." Rich added.

"I know. But you know that it was necessary. I have to forget." I said somberly. It was a painful past, and hiding is the only thing that I knew that could make the pain go away.

"I know that this is Brian is for forever. Just be strong okay?" Rich said with a smile. Be strong. That's a good advice.

"Thanks. Let's eat." I said to him with a smile as well. 


"Is everything there already?" Rich hollered from my room. I checked on my bits of baggage that were laying down around me. My clothes. Check. The guys' gifts. Check. Powerbook. Check. Other needed stuff. Check.

"Everything's here!" I shouted back. After a few minutes, Rich came rushing down and started to carry some of my bags to the car. I carried the rest of the bags that were lying on the floor and took a last look of my house. It was a fairly good house, but the tour awaits... and so is Brian.

I walked out of the house and placed the bags in the backseat of my car for easy access later on. I went in the car and just stayed silent trying to reflect all that has been happening in my life. All things seemed to have changed already. I wasn't hiding but I'm on my way in one of the biggest tours of the country to be with my boyfriend who is a popstar. Everything seemed to be running so fast that it's difficult to absorb everything if it's reality or just a dream. I hope it's real.

"Ready to go?" Rich chimed as he took the driver's seat. I just gave him a weak smile and got drowned with my silence again. Rich just shrugged and drove to the airport. 

The journey seemed to be a blur to me. I can't remember going there but I was already there by the entrance. I looked at Rich. "I guess this is it." I said with a attempt to be joyful about it.

"Hey! Don't be too low. Remember, you'll be doing what you want with the people you want. Think brightly." Rich said and gave me a comforting hug, which I returned. God, I'm gonna miss Rich.


Flight for Los Angeles is boarding now. The voice from the speaker said out loud. I guess this was really it. No turning back now. It's just me and the tour and Brian of course. How would Brian react? I smiled on that thought while picturing different scenarios of Brian's reaction once he sees me there.

I walked to the plane and when I sat comfortably at my seat, I tried to reflect once more. I'm very reflective. What can I say?

All the things that were happening seemed to be given to me easily and this is something I'm very doubtful of. It's just too easy. Is it just a matter of meeting my angel in the computer cafe and falling in love? Is it happily ever after? I know it's not. I'm not even sure how I could endure tour life, which is a big change from my usual routine. But as the song goes, let love be the energy.

I can't believe that it's finally happening. I'm in the plane on my way to see Brian and the guys. I'll get a very good job in the tour and I'm gonna be touring the country with my friends. Friends. That's so seldom that happens to me. I always thought that it's just me and Rich forever. But... things seemed to look good for me. But for how long?

All things seemed to be good but what if Brian and I separate? Where will I go? What will happen to me? I just love Brian so much that it's so hard to live knowing that we aren't together anymore. He's just too much already. So perfect.

"Please fasten your seatbelts. We would be landing shortly." The stewardess said from her place. Time flies and so are the butterflies that were invading my guts. God, I feel so nervous already. Do they still like me? It's been weeks now and what if... Enough with the what if's. I'm tired of it.

I walked out of the plane and saw a man in his early 40s perhaps waving a card with my name on it. I guess that's me. I walked towards the man and when he looked at me, he smiled.

"So you're the Martin I was waiting for I assume?" he said with a glee. He's very cheerful I see. I nodded affirmatively. "I'm the Backstreet limo driver. Where are the bags so we could go to the hotel and you could rest for awhile." He said. Wait a minute, what's his name?

"What's your name?" I asked meekly. I'm so not good in meeting new people. It makes me very queasy and with the Brian-meeting-later-on thing, I'm so close in hyperventilating.

"The name is Greg." Greg said. I smiled and pushed the cart where my bags were placed. I'm not carrying them for God's sake they're heavy. Thank God for carts.



"So you are the famous Martin." Greg said from the driver's seat. Me? Famous? Really? "Don't worry. Everything I've heard is good and when Brian does the talking. I'll rather close the screen. That boy knows how to talk!" Greg said with a laugh. I just blushed.

Greg and I continued to exchange small talks until we reached the hotel. Like the hotel when I last saw them, it was amazing. From the front, it surely looks expensive and with class. 

"Here's your card." Greg said as he handed me a keycard of one of the rooms of the hotel. "Actually, that's Brian's room." He said with a grin that has lots of meanings. I rolled my eyes at him and stepped out of the limo. An employee met me. He smiled warmly. I smiled back.

"Good morning sir. Can I be of service with you?" The man said politely. I'm liking the place already.

"Can you bring my bags to room number 904." I said to the young lad. He just nodded and started to unload the bags from the compartment of the limo. I left him and went straight to the elevator to the room. Traveling is really so tiring. I yawned while waiting for the elevator to reach my floor.

When the doors opened, a big guy appeared. Bodyguard. Well, his body screams 'I'm a bodyguard. Don't mess with me'. He stood on my path stopping me dead on my tracks. He looked at me quizzically.

"I'm Martin." I said nonchalantly. The guy seemed to think for a while and then he let me pass. God, I hate a Backstreet life. I wouldn't want this. Thank God I didn't accepted the offer back then. I shrugged from the thought of being famous.

I reached the room and entered it. It was very nice. It wasn't that messy but there are bits of things that were scattered around. I imagined Brian running around the room trying to dress up while Kevin was hollering out of his door for an interview. I laughed.

The employee who was named Harold arrived with my bags. I told him where to put my things and he complied obediently. This boy deserves a big tip. As he walked out, I handed him a $50 bill for his troubles. His eyes grew wide and I closed the door trying to stifle a laugh due to his reaction. It's like it's the first time. Anyway...

I tried to tidy up the place a bit because the guys would be back later on. Oops... I forgot to call Kevin. I picked up the phone and dialed his cell. After a few rings someone answered. "Kevin's phone." Kevin's voice said.

"Marty here. I already arrived and I'm bumming here in Brian's room." I said to him. There was noise on Kevin's side. Probably the other guys in the old antics again.

"Is that so." Kevin said in his business tone. Brian's probably nearby. "It would be very nice if you could manage on your own first and when I'm free later I'll try to check on the situation." Kevin added. Definitely an actor. I laughed at him.

"Okay! You're really a good actor." I giggled.

"I know. It's part of the job. I'll call you later when we reach the hotel by 5pm." Kevin said hinting me when they're gonna arrive and we hung up the phone. I sighed from boredom. I looked at the watch and it read 11am. 6 more hours. I can't live this way. There's just nothing to do here. The room is already clean and aha! The laptop.

I brought out my laptop and checked my email if there were any. After the download, 3 emails appeared. I'm getting better. I smiled at the thought. Before no mails, now 3... not bad, not bad at all.

The mails came from Rich saying good luck and from Alfred checking up on me. I smiled on that thought. The last was a surprise to me coz it was ages already that he emailed me. It was my cyber friend that I met in one of those chats a few years back.


Subject: Hi.

Hi there! I know it's been ages already but life wasn't really good to me these days. I can't believe the torture I'm receiving coz of this freaking job! I'll stop my whining here and say hi to you! Are you still okay? I hope. I just wanna tell you that I'm still alive and still very much in love *lol*

Mail me.


He mailed. He actually mailed. Life goes on as it is. Of course not! Like I said earlier, Juju was a cyber friend that I met in one of those chats, gay chats of course. Anyway, he was truly special coz he helped a lot as well during my depression thingy. Maybe it's because we're near the same age. I'm 21 and he's 20. 

I started typing my reply.


Subject: Yup. I'm alive. Bwahahahahaha....


Yeah, I'm alive and kicking here. It's been two months already right? Well it's your lost coz there were lots of things that have happened to me. Hear this. I got a B-O-Y-F-R-I-E-N-D!!!! You read right! A boyfriend. He's my angel! He's so cute and when he speaks, God I feel like I'm in heaven! *giggle* Enough with those stuff. How 'bout you? Anything new??? I'm in L.A. now with MY boyfriend. *lol* I love hearing that words, 'my boyfriend'. Gotta jet, k? Mail back! If you don't, I'll kick your scrawny little ass!


I sent the Rich and Alfred that I'm alright and resting here. And before I know it, I dozed off. Planes. Tiring. Travel. Tiring. Need sleep. Zzzz...

"Ten minutes only then we leave!" I hear a voice from outside. Noises from outside now. They have arrived. I smiled.

"Ten minutes?" Someone asked. Hmm... It sounded like Nick.

"Ten minutes." Kevin said leaving no room for arguments. "And Brian, don't kill me, k?" Kevin said knowingly. He's gonna kill him alright. I tried to stifle a giggle.

"Kevin. You're weird." The voice. Finally, I heard that voice again. And I'm gonna see him next. The door opened slowly and Brian entered. "Is this my room?" Brian asked. I wanna shout, 'you're so stupid. How did you open the damn door if it isn't yours?' But I didn't.

The lights turned on and our eyes met. Time seemed to stop. Brian lost some weight. I can tell and I'm not happy about that but that's for later. It's time for a little loving now. "Hi Bri." I said to him nonchalantly. Brian tried to find words to say but he just stuttered something.

"Just say, hi Marty." Nick hollered from outside. "And no time for quickie! Ten minutes according to Daddy!" Nick said dripping with sarcasm.

"Shut up Nick!" Kevin shouted and closed the door of our room. This is gonna be nice.

"You're here? You're here. You're here!" Brian said and rushed to my side and gave me a big embrace. Just breathe. Just breathe. How can you breathe if a big lug is embracing you to death?

"Bri, not to tight please." I managed to said. Strong. "Kevin said ten minutes so go and get ready and later." I looked at him intently to the eye telling him that I'm serious as hell. "We'll talk about your eating problem and depression." I said to him. Brian just looked at me and averted his gaze away from. Guilty. "For God's sake! Lighten up will you." I said to him trying to not put pressure unto Brian. I laid on top of him and gave him the most passionate kiss I could ever muster. What joy!

"Your ten minutes are up! Out. Now." Kevin said from outside. I groaned.

"You will come with us." Brian stated as we untangled ourselves from each other. How could you say no?

"Okay. I'll get the stuff that I brought for you guys and I'll be out." I said with a grin. Brian just gave me a confused look.

I walked to my pile of bags and brought one big plastic bag filled with the goodies. It was quite large and everything but still, it's for my friends. Friends... I love hearing that word.

We went out of our room seeing the other four waiting for us with grins plastered on their faces. "What?" Brian and I said in unison.

"Oh nothing." AJ said as he walked towards Brian and zipped up his fly. Oops. Brian was blushing too much.

"Stop teasing my angel." I said to them. And they just laughed.

Once in the limo, I gave them the goodies that I was keeping. And their faces were so happy. That felt good for me. Nick was babbling about how long he wanted to get the games and appointed me the official Nick game partner. Like I have any choice. Kevin was tinkering with the palmtop while the other two were contented looking at their gifts. Brian just looked at me lovingly and kissed me there and there. Feisty. Catcalls were flying everywhere but we didn't care. It seemed that it was just me and Brian and the sounds of the world.

Once we reached the arena, everything seemed to be in a blur. Everyone was so busy that I can't remember where they were before they're in their place. Did that make sense? Anyway, after lots of screaming from those girls that filled up the arena. After lots of singing and dancing from the guys and me. And after lots of busying around by their crew. It was over. 

The people were still chattering about who was the cutest Backstreet Boy or how Nick winked at them in one of the performances. Superficial. Anyway, we bummed in their dressing room for a while as the people are exiting the venue. The high that I witnessed during the concert seemed to be present in each of them as they talk about everything. Senseless or important. As in they talked about everything that they could. I joined in a few conversations but most of the time I maintained my silence and just laid my head on Brian's lap. 

Brian seemed to be normal already. Something that the others were very happy about. A sad Brian is a not-so-good Brian in their vocabulary. We still have to talk this out. I sighed thinking of stuff about my now new life.



Finally we have reached the hotel. I am so dying to lay on a bed. I can't understand where on earth they could gather so much energy after that tiresome concert. I'm not even performing and I feel so tired already. Brian opened the door of our room and once we entered, I rushed to the bed. Now, that's what I call comfort.

"Tired?" Brian asked. I just nodded and enjoyed the softness of the bed. Then, it hit me. Brian and I have to talk. And now is the perfect time.

"Spill everything Bri. As in everything." I said as I plopped on my elbows and stared at him. Brian tried to say something but it appeared that he's having difficulty voicing out his problems. "Take your time." I said to him.

Brian sat beside me and I laid my head on his lap. He was stroking my head. "It was so hard. I thought that I could survive without you but I couldn't. Everything seemed to remind me of you. And the phone calls were just not enough. I need you." Brian said in the verge of tears. I could just empathize with what Brian was feeling. That was the exact feeling for me.

"At first, that's what I felt too Bri. In addition to you being away, all my insecurities were beginning to haunt me every minute. Questions were popping every time. What if he finds a new one? What if he has no more time? What if he doesn't love me anymore?" I tried to control the tears but it was difficult. Everything was coming from the core of my being. "You changed my life Brian. You are the reason that I'm normal again. You gave me hope." I said to him.

"You're the same for me Marty. And I love you for that." Brian said. Our eyes locked and we kissed. It was an innocent kiss at first but it became more passionate and hot. This was the feeling that I was missing for the past weeks. "Marty..." Brian groaned out as we explore each other's mouth.

I could feel Brian's desire coursing to my body. It was just filled with love and lust mixing together in that moment. But is it time? "Bri, I think we should wait a little more time before we 'move on'." I said to Brian breaking the kiss. Disappointment was clear in his face but I don't want this to be done like this. "I wanna make it special for both of us. I promise soon." I said with a smile. Brian just nodded.

I know that Brian was dying to be able to make love to me but I don't think that it's the right time and place for it. "Please don't be upset. We'll get to do it. I promise." I said to him and he smiled at me. We snuggled closer to each other until only the beats of our hearts could be heard. The perfect lullaby. Sleep took over.


EMAIL ME!!! pseud0nym@edsamail.com.ph

a few words from the author...


hey there!


that was chapter 4 of my series the REFORMATION. i hope that you like the chapter and i'm really trying my best to send the chapters in an earlier time. let's just say that college is a bitch. but still, here' s the latest and i hope that you do sent feedbacks about the chapter so i could answer a few of your queries and know what you think about the series or just the chapter. comments and suggestions are always welcome and encourage. :-)


 a big thank you to those who took the time and emailed me about the last chapter. it really touched my heart. :-)


these are a few of my faves in the archive that inspired me to write and i hope you like them as well:

... these are a few of them but there are lots more... trust me.