Date: Sun, 16 Jul 2000 18:47:41 EDT
From: FishofHappiness@aol.com
Subject: Remembering Petticoat Lane, Part 13

Well, here it is, everyone. The final chapter. The end of the actual story
arc. Yes, there will be an epilogue, simply to tie up loose ends, but you
can all consider this the end of our strange little journey. Thank you to
everyone who wrote to me about "Petticoat" and I hope this part lives up to
your expectations.

	The standard disclaimer applies. I know nothing, yadda, yadda, yadda.
Also, I was a horrid bad author yesterday, and forgot to mention that the
title in chapter 12 "I'll make it to the moon if I have to crawl" was from
the Red Hot Chilli Pepper's "Scar Tissue". Today's title is from Filter's
"Miss Blue". Take care, and enjoy. :o)

Remembering Petticoat Lane
Chapter 13: "When do you think I'll be okay?"

	Lance and the group may have been on the right path to recovery, but
that didn't always mean that the road would be an easy one. The sessions
with Kathleen, despite the breakthroughs and "improvements" that were
occuring, it felt like nothing was happening, like nothing was getting better.
Lance still had major self destructive urges, only instead of acting on the
urge to hurt himself or to seek oblivion through drugs and/or alcohol, he
sought out JC. Sometimes they would just curl together on the couch and JC
would whisper and sooth Lance until all of the tension would leave him.
Sometimes, though, it was too violent, and JC would push Lance until he blew
up.  This very moment was one of those times, and Lance could feel the
pressure buzzing inside him. It was there constantly these days, something
was wating to happen, but he didn't know what. He still had that
out-of-control spinning sensation, only it was constantly getting worse.

	"Come on, Lance. Come on, Pretty boy, tell me what you really think!"
The words were said with just enough of a snarl to them to make Lance go off.

	"I hate this! I hate all of this shit that I'm going through now! I
hate the goddamn pop music industry, because it forced me into the position
I'm in now! I hate having to act shy and quiet, I hate Lou Perlman, ands I
hate this goddamn therapy! I feel like nothing is working, but something
inside me is getting ready to break and I hate that I can't control it. I
hate it! I -hate- it!" Lance had been screaming so loud that his voice felt
raw, and his last words were still echoing in the house. Lance's whole
posture softened after the outburst, and he walked over to JC. Josh said
nothing, but just enveloped Lance in a hug. "I hate this, Josh, but I love
you."

	"I love you, too, James." JC was rocking them back and forth just
slightly, just enough to be calming. "Do you want me to go order a pizza for
dinner?"

	"Sure, that would be great."

	"Okay, then, hon." Josh kissed Lance's forehead, and then let go of
him, and went off to locate a phone book and a phone (both very useful
pizza-ordering tools). Lance contented himself to looking out the window.
The sky was grey, and brewing, like it had been the past few days. The whole
town was hoping for rain, but the clouds above just seemed to be a brutal
tease, a promise that something should happen when in reality nothing was.
Lance moved over to the sliding glass door that led to the pool's cool
decking. He slid it open softly and went outside. He spent a few minutes
lingering by the pool in his bare feet. Cool decking was a wonderful
poolside invention that kept the deck around the pool cool enough to walk
on, even in the dead of the summer heat. It wasn't the hottest period of
time in Florida, but the looming clouds had brought the famous Florida
humidity back with them. Instead of being a relatively dry heat that one
could adjust to, it was muggy out, and the heat would stick on your skin,
leaving you feeling damp in the worst way. Lance resisted the urge to go
back inside, and instead traveled out of the screened in porch into his back
yard. The grass was pointy and dry beneath his feet, and it still made that
sick crackling noise every time he moved. It was hard and sharp-edged, and
his feet flet like they were being stabbed by a million little knives at
once.

	A million little knifes. That was how he had felt for so long, like
a million little knives were stabbing at him, and he couldn't escape them.
So much of this last chapter of his life had been filled with pain and
betrayal. He had been raised thinking that everyone was essentually good,
but his life had proven that to be false. Lou Perlman was not intrinsically
good. Lou Perlman had hurt him, horribly, and a good part of him thought
that he would never be okay.

	Never be okay. Never was such a long, long time, though. And
really.. how far was he from okay now? He had good, supportive friends who
had taken time out of a busy career to come back to Orlando and help him
through this past junk. His family... well, that was a sore spot right now.
his mother had called him just that night, and while he didn't forgive her,
he still did love her. He had talked with his father, who seemed genuinely
sorry for what had been going on, and seemed to be really supportive. It
wasn't like Lance had thought it was, in reality his father really -had- had
to stay at home because of business, and he had wanted to be there with
Lance, to support him. Lance's dad had even gone ahead and made plans to
visit Lance within the next month, without his mother along.

	Thunder clapped just briefly across the sky, and Lance, who had been
immersed in his thoughts, realized that the impossible was actually happening.
It was raining: pouring, in fact. The rain was soaking his clothing, making
it stick to him. It wasn't a cold rain, but it was cooler than the still
air, and it felt good. Lance put his arms up, parallel to the ground but
reaching out in either direction, and looked up, letting the rain hit his
face dead on.

	It was there, in the life-bringing rain and facing the fact that his
life was beginning to pull back together, that Lance realized what it was
that was blocking his progress. He hadn't thought he would be okay. He had
never thought that he could make it through this, and yet here he was. He
was improving, he was recovering, like the grass and the shrubs would
recover given the rain. He felt, suddenly, like he was being born again in a
better, stronger form. Reaching his arms out even further, he spun around
and yelled at the top of his lungs. This was a celebratory yell, though.
This was the type of yell that an Olympic Gold Medalist would make before he
took the podium for the ceremony. This was Lance's victory.

	After the yell had finished ringing out, Lance noticed slight
movement from the direction of the porch. Josh was perched in the outside
doorway, looking at Lance with an amused, yet somewhat incerdilous look.
Lance just grinned at him, a bright relaxed smile. It was a smile that JC
hadn't seen in a very long time, and it made his heart skip a beat. "What on
earth are you doing out here, baby?"

	"It's raining."

	"I sort of noticed that part, Lance. You're soaked." The mother hen
instinct in JC had taken over again, and he made his way out into the yard
to join Lance. "God. Look at you, Scoop. You're going to catch a cold."

	"I'm gonna be okay, JC."

	It took a couple minutes for JC to understand the dual nature of
Lance's words. It wasn't particularly cold out, and Lance wasn't particularly
weakened right now, so no, he probably wouldn't get sick unless it was a
psychosomatic illness. But.. Oh. Lance meant that he was going to be okay
mentally. JC smiled at him. "Are you?"

	"Yeah, I really am." It was something that Dr. Johnson and Josh had
been trying to convince him of, but Lance had had a very narrow minded
attitude about it. Lance had been convinced that he wasn't strong enough to
get through this, that he would never make it. It seemed that James had
finally come to terms with the idea that just maybe he -was- making it after
all. "I'm gonna be just fine." Lance moved forward then, and caught JC's
mouth. The kiss was intense, loving, and very, very passionate. It lit a
million sparks inside JC's body, and he surrendered to most of them
willingly. He had never seen Lance look so happy, so confident, and it
thrilled him. His baby was recovering. Lance's hands were suddenly all over
him, hooking under his shirt and pulling it over his head. Josh surrendered
himself to the passion for just a few seconds more before it dawned on him
exactly -what- was going on here, and he pulled away.

	"Lance... what are we doing?"

	"Well, I like to think of it as making fast, passionate love to my
favorite boyband icon, but if you wanna think of it as sex on the back lawn,
that's okay, too."

	"But I said--"

	"You said nothing until I'm okay. And I am okay, Josh."

	JC bit his lip, and half-nodded. "You're sure?"

	"I am positive."

	"Okay." Josh didn't waste any time in moving forward, his hands
tangled in Lance's shirt as he fumbled to get it off. Lance wasn't making it
any easier on Josh, he kept moving in to steal kisses, or to otherwise
distract JC's movements. Finally, Josh managed to get the shirt over Lance's
head, and to untangle his hands from it. He tossed the shirt away, neither
of them much caring where the clothing landed, so long as it didn't go over
the privacy fence. Lance was going for JC's pants zipper when Josh decided
that payback really -was- a bitch, and pounced him. The two tumbled to the
now-wet ground in a heap of half-dressed flesh. The mirth, which would
normally have tempered the passion, only served to relax Josh's qualms about
the whole idea. Josh had settled himself on top of Lance, straddling him,
and he leaned down over Lance to kiss him. Lance's hands went to softly hold
on to Josh's side, his thumbs were stroking just enough to send shivers down
JCs spine. JC's hands, in turn, wandered down Lance's chest, pausing just
briefly to tease his nipples before they sought out the button fly of Lance's
cargos. Lance moaned into the kiss as JC's hand made contact with his
erection, and the hands that had been on JC's sides, just resting, now made
to pull Josh closer. Josh followed the lead, and laid out on top of Lance.
The rain was pounding hard on his back now, and it just seemed to add to the
sensations that coursed through him. Soon, though, JC pulled back up, and
moved his hands down to unfasten Lance's pants. He made eye contact, once,
in a permission asking gesture. Lance nodded, and Josh removed both Lance's
pants, and his own. There was a second of pause then. Lance sat up, and the
two looked each other in the eyes. There was almost a hesitancy to it, not
because they didn't want to be with the other person, but out of pure nerves.
The moment ended when Lance took charge and pulled JC back on top of him.
Lance rolled over, so that he was on top, and he kissed JC's mouth with as
much passion as a million Don Juan's combined. JC moaned and wrapped an arm
around Lance, pulling him down close. Lance broke the kiss, gave light
kisses to JC's forehead and cheeks before settling for kissing and sucking
at JC's neck. Every kiss and nibble Lance made sent tremors straight down
to "Mr. Happy", and Josh's hand clenched on Lance's back. His other hand,
the free hand, went down to lightly stroke Lance's erection. Lance moaned
and then shifted, bringing their crotches into alignment, and followed up by
catching Josh's mouth in a kiss. Every movement, every little shift sent
tremors through their bodies, and the intensity grew and grew until finally
a spark was lit.

	Lance pulled away from the kiss, keeping contact, but far enough that
he and JC could look at each other. The rain was pounding now, providing
enough cover that even if a paparazzi had been standing a foot away, they
couldn't have seen a thing. Water flowed off of Lance's face, running down
the side of his face, or dripping off of his hair, which hung limp and damp
down on his face. Lance now supported himself with just one arm, the other
went to grasp the two erections as he whispered to JC, just loud enough for
him and only him to hear. "I'm going to love you forever, Josh."

	The sight alone was erotic, but the addition of the pressure and the
words sent JC over the edge, sparking Lance's own climax.

	As aftermath settled over them, Lance could just barely hear JC
whispering back to him, "Oh god, I love you, too, Lance. Forever, baby.
Forever."