Date: Sun, 25 Jun 2000 10:55:31 EDT
From: Papito6187@aol.com
Subject: Rob & Lance 49

Ok, yes, twice in a matter of a week, but hey . . . you know you love it!
Before I get you go on to read, I have an announcement to make. The next
chapter, number 50, will be the final chapter in the Rob and Lance series.
This time, I'm serious, no April Fool's about it. I told you that it would
be coming to an end soon, and that it wouldn't last through the summer.
So, I'm letting you know now . . . don't email me asking me to continue,
you can email me but, I have my reasons as to why I'm ending it. I appreciate
all the readers and email that I get, but this is something that you cannot
convince me otherwise of. So, for one of the last times, ON WITH THE SHOW!


Last time . . .


We sat there for about an hour, just holding each other as we let out the
rest of our tears. It was a quarter to eleven when Justin came knocking on
our door. He said that they had already eaten breakfast and they didn't
wanna disturb us cause they heard us fighting. He then looked like he
wanted to ask if we were okay, but didn't wanna intrude.  Sensing this, I
told him that we were fine and we just had an argument, but that we made up
and everything is ok again. He then sighed with relief and walked out of
the room. We both couldn't help but smile at his concern, and even
laugh. We stared into each other's eyes again then kissed lovingly, which
turned into a deep meaningful hug.  After we parted, we ordered breakfast
and soon enough, it was time for the day to start.



This time . . .


While the guys had various things to do, Dana and Nate made sure to clear
my schedule for the next couple of days considering all that I'd been
through. So, while the guys were working, and while I was supposed to be
resting in bed, I was at the venue, in the backstage area with a computer,
a piano-keyboard, and a drum machine making some new tracks. I was pretty
much undisturbed for the whole time I was there, until Lance caught me.

"HEY! What are you doing here?" He asked as he made his way into the area.

"Um . . ." I said trying to come up with a quick lie.

"Aren't you supposed to be at the hotel or in your dressing room resting?"

"Um . . . I tried that, but I couldn't stay there! It was too boring! I
needed something to do!  And besides, I am relaxing! I'm making some
music!"

"Well . . . in that case, let me hear!" He said smiling at me and walking
towards my home made studio on the go.

As I started to play the track, he was bouncin to it. It was really funny
to see him of all people doing that, but hey, I've seen stranger! I played
him what I had, and he of course liked it. He asked to hear it again, and
while it was playing, Justin and Josh had walked in, and were singing the
hook to "Tearin up my heart". Lance told them to be quiet, but they didn't
hear him and kept on singing. He was about to yell out shut up when I got
up and said really loudly,

"Oh shit! That actually goes together!"

"Huh?" Justin and Josh said stopping their singing.

"Come here, come here!" I said motioning them over towards me and Lance.

"What?" They both said.

"Tell me if you think this goes together!" I said starting the track over
then starting to sing the hook at the same exact spot where they had came
in.

They both looked at each other, then at me and had the same expression, I
got a huge grin on my face and continued to look at them. I let the track
finish, then when it stopped, all hell broke loose.

"THAT SHIT WAS CRUNK!" Justin yelled jumping up and down.

"THAT SHIT IS HOTT!!!!" I said followed by a scream as I covered my face.

"OH MY GOD!" Josh said.

Lance just sat back and laughed at us. He found it funny that we all acted
similarly to a hot track. Chris and Joey heard the commotion and came in
the backstage area.

"What's goin on?" Chris asked as they walked towards us.

"Rob just came up with this PHAT track that we could use for a remix of
'Tearin up my heart'!!!!!" Justin said still with the smile on his face.

"Let us hear!" Joey said.

"Ok, y'all know when to come in right?" I asked the three that had heard it
already.

"Yeah." They all said.

"Measure 14. I'll sing it with you."

I pressed play and for the 13 and a half measures that it was just the
track, Joey and Chris were both bobbin their heads and bouncin to the
track. Then the four of us came in with the song and they had a similar
reaction to ours. Chris' jaw dropped and Joey's eyes widened, not to
mention the various noises of approval.

"THAT WAS THE SHIT!!!" Chris yelled after it was over.

"YO . . ." Was all Joey could say.

"How long have you been workin on that?"

"Ever since I got here and y'all left me alone."

"Non-stop?" Joey asked.

"Nah, I paused a couple of times to go to the bathroom, and to go do my
sound-check."

"Damn! You came up with all that in that amount of time?!" Justin said in
shock.

"Yup!"

"You know what you should do?" Josh said.

"What?"

"Right there, when we finished the hook the second time, you should bring
it back to that beginning part with all the drums. That'd be hot!"

"Cool, I'll do that now then!" I said as I copied and pasted the parts that
he said at the end. "I'll play it from a few measures before." I said
pressing play. "You were right!" I said as if I was losing my breath.

"Told you!"

"That is truly hot!" Justin said smiling at me. "Too bad we can't use it
for something!"

"Why not?" Josh asked.

"I dunno . . . I mean, when would we use it? I mean, to put it in the show
would kinda disappoint the fans, cause even thought this track it better,
they're still expecting the regular old version."

"True . . . how bout, next televised performance?" Lance asked.

"Which is?"

"I dunno . . . we might be performing at this year's VMA's!"

"That would work!" Josh said.

"Well, we'll discuss it when that gets here!" I said. "Now why are all of
you back here?"

"What? Not happy to see us?!" Chris said with a mock pout.

"Them yes. You? No!" I said grabbing his lip that was sticking out and
twisting it.

"OW!" He said grabbing his lip.

"We're done till 5." Joey said.

"Cool!" I said standing up. "Let's go chill then!"

"Where's Melissa?" Lance asked.

"Back at the hotel." Josh said.

"She's getting packed." I added.

"Let's go get her and go chill somewhere!" Justin said.

And chill we did! We killed some time till five o'clock, when we all had to
be back at the arena. I was starting to feel better, that time relaxing,
but still getting some work done, was exactly what I needed. While we were
hanging out, we talked about what was gonna happen when they left the
label, but still had to record. They said that they would probably have to
pay for it out of their own pockets, and that if Johnny was in on it, it
shouldn't cause a problem. They didn't want him to pay for too much, cause
even though they trusted him, they once trusted Lou too, and they didn't
know if Johnny would try and use paying for their album against them in the
future. I offered to help pay for some of it, they said no, but I insisted
till they agreed. I told them that they wouldn't have to pay me back, cause
the money I would be getting for producing and co-writing some of the songs
would pay me back financially, but even though that would do it, it wasn't
about a loan, it was about me helping out my friends.

That night's show went pretty smooth. The whole day was filled with love
and good times, if it was one thing that I had learned from everything that
went on, was not to take it for granted anymore! I called up my parents and
let them know what happened, then called up Ricky and Jay and did the
same. They all had a similar reaction, and I had to calm them all down and
reassure them that I was fine. Although I didn't talk to Jay for very long,
he told me that he and his mom had talked, it didn't go exactly as he'd
hoped, but it was a start. They way he told me about it just confirmed what
I thought was gonna happen. It sounded like he was backing down from his
mom, and kinda telling her that he wasn't bi anymore. Like breaking up with
Justin didn't make him bi anymore. That really pissed me off, cause he was
denying himself to please his mom. One of the things I had come to realize
ever since Jay left Justin was that Jay and I were drifting. It wasn't so
much because I was busy or anything, but we were just becoming too
different. I mean, he tried to throw it in my face that I wasn't there for
him while I was working, but what I had come to see was that if he really
needed me, or wanted to talk to me, he could've called me. He had all my
numbers and it seemed as if he was paying all his attention to Justin, and
forgetting about me. Something that he usually did whenever he had a
girlfriend. The thing that made it really clear was that when I told him
what happened on the set, and on the plane, although he asked me if I was
okay, as soon as I said yes, he went on to bitching about his problems. It
was like, "Ok, your best friend just almost died, and you're letting it go,
just like that?" That was another thing that pissed me off. But, instead of
bring it up, I just let it pass, cause I didn't need to be under any more
stress as I was. I just decided to bitch to Melissa about it later.

So, sure enough, the tabloids got a hold of the story of my collapsing on
the set and my near death experience and a couple of them started coming up
with some REALLY stupid stories! My favorite one was that I was on drugs,
which explained the collapsing, and in a drunken, rage on the plane, I
started to make a fuss with the pilot, causing him to steer into some
lightning! That made me laugh! Even though the tabloids didn't really
bother me that much, whenever they did print something that was totally
false about me, I didn't even care. My publicist would put out a statement,
but it never really bothered me. The next couple of weeks I was all over
the place. In the news, on TV, in the tabloids, and on the radio. They had
me everywhere explaining what happened, and what exactly caused me to
collapse. DC came and went, and I met Josh's family, they were really nice!
His brother was funny, just like Josh with the sense of humor, only more
outgoing with it. His sister was the same way, but was a little more subtle
and mature about her humor. The guys discussed everything with Johnny (I
was there for that meeting, even though I didn't think I should) and he
told them that he was behind them 100%. And so, with New York coming up
sooner and sooner, the guys continued on their journey to record without a
record label. Justin compared it to being in between relationships, like he
was.

He had been talking a lot on the phone with Britney ever since this whole
thing happened, also flying out to meet her places to talk when he needed
her. Of course the media saw it as them romantically involved, but what
else it new. And besides, it was a cover for his being gay, so the more it
was hyped, the better, and since they never really confirmed or denied
anything, that just created more of a frenzy.

Between all the media attention I've been getting, and working with the
guys on the album, and promoting my own album, and touring, and trying to
be a good boyfriend to Lance, trying to be a good friend to the guys, my
dancers, my singers and Melissa, I somehow managed to keep sane.

The media attention itself really boosted my popularity. My album sales are
starting to climb, and it's on its way to becoming DOUBLE platinum! Even
though it's all one big, huge stress ball, it's exciting as hell and I'm
loving every minute of it!

I've been starting to get put together with a couple of other artists and
famous people, cause even though I've been continually saying that I was
single (even though I wasn't), everybody all thought it good for me to be
seen with some people so the rumors could start up about who I was
dating. I called up Aaliyah a couple of times just to chill with her
whenever we were in the same city, cause even though she'd gotten over that
whole crush thing she had on me, she was a really cool person, and we had
fun together.  Other than her, I've been linked with Danielle Fishel (which
was funny, cause they made it seem as if it was a feud between me and
Lance), the new artist Christina Aguilera, and a couple that I've never
even met or have met like once, like Monica, and Katie Holmes (cause I
presented with her at the Blockbuster awards). I found it hilarious,
especially when Lance would get a little jealous.

Well, just as I suspected . . . Jay has made up with his mom at the cost of
sacrificing his true identity. I finally got a chance to speak to him for a
substantial amount of time. He told me that he was wrong about him being bi
and he was really straight. I in turn got pissed.

"Why are you doing this?! You KNOW you're bi! You're just playin the role
just to satisfy your mom!" He didn't say anything in response, so I kept
going. "Not only are you shooting to hell everything you had with Justin,
you're making it seem as if it was never anything! And the worst part, is
that you're trying to pretend to be something you're not!"

"It's just better this way!" He said in his defense.

"For who!? Your mom!? Cause it's not for you! I can tell you that right
now!"

"For all of us!"

"You know, I never thought I'd live to see the day that you became a
sellout! You know that by doing this, not only are you insulting me,
Justin, Lance and every other gay or bisexual person in the world, but
you're kicking yourself in the ass the most!"

"I think I'd better be going . . . I'm sure you have other things to be
doing right now . . ."

"Nope! My schedule is clear! It has been for awhile now since I almost
died, which by the way, you never really seemed to care too much about!"

"What are you talking about?!"

"When I told you, all you did was gasp in shock, then ask if I was alright,
then just went on to bitch about your problems! Not even giving a fuck
about what happened!"

"That's not true!"

"You know it is! Don't even TRY to fucking deny it!"

"Rob . . ."

"NO! I'm sick of this shit! It's always about you and your problems, it
always has! When Jay has a problem, he goes to Rob, never once asks Rob
about how he's feeling, when Rob has a problem, Jay's never anywhere to be
found, which is why Rob and Melissa are better friends!"

"I'm ALWAYS there for you!"

"Bullshit! You are hardly EVER there for me!"

"What about when you and Tash broke up!?"

"You weren't there . . . I had to call you up and tell you! You told me
that you already knew and then started going off about some bitch who,
tried to smack you!"

"NO!"

"That's always how it's been! We were never really best friends! You didn't
even take it well when I first came out to you! You didn't even care how
hard it was for me!"

"I WAS THERE!"

"YOU KNOW YOU WEREN'T!" I said as I heard Lance and Chris walk into my
room. "I managed to get over that with time, but now . . . what you're
doing, that is SO not right!  You're throwing our whole, what little one
there was, friendship down the fucking drain!"

"HOW!?"

"I TOLD YOU! IF YOU DENY BEING BI, YOU'RE INSULTING EVERYTHING I AM!  AND
IN TURN, YOU'RE SHOWING THAT, ONCE AGAIN, YOU COULDN'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT
ME!"

"THIS ISN'T ABOUT YOU! IT'S ABOUT ME AND MY FUCKING SANITY!"

"OH! AND YOU THINK BY DOING THIS IT'S GONNA MAKE IT ANY LESS HARD ON YOU?
THIS IS ONLY GONNA BRING ON A SHIT LOAD OF MORE PROBLEMS!"

"Rob . . ." Lance said trying to calm me down.

"I TELL YOU THIS RIGHT NOW! IF YOU GO THROUGH WITH THIS, YOU CAN KISS OUR
FRIENDSHIP GOODBYE!"

"Rob, come on, you know you don't mean that!" Lance said.

"THE HELL I DON'T! I'M SERIOUS! IF YOU DO THIS, YOU'RE DEAD TO ME!"

"FINE!"

"FINE!"

"GOOD THING I DIDN'T SIGN THEM PAPERS! FUCK THIS SHIT! I'M MOVING OUT AND
BACK HOME! TAKE THE APARTMENT, AND THE CAR AND GO FUCK YOURSELF WITH IT!"

"FINE WITH ME!"

"FUCK YOU AND GO TO HELL FAG!"

"WHAT?!?!?" I yelled as he hung up the phone. "I KNOW HE DIDN'T JUST CALL
ME WHAT I THINK HE CALLED ME!" I said pressing redial but getting a busy
signal.

"What the hell just happened here!?" Lance yelled as I hung up the phone
and threw it across the room onto a couch, just in time for Justin and Joey
to walk in.

"That was the end of my friendship with Jay!" I yelled turning my back to
everyone and crossing my arms over my chest.

"What do you mean the end of your friendship with Jay?!" Justin asked
walking towards me.

TBC . . .

There it is! Again, next chapter is the finale, it's gonna be a LONG one!
Lemme know what u think! Email me at Papito6187@aol.com.