Disclaimer: I do not know any of the celebrities that are mentioned within this story. As such, this is not a reflection on their true lives, it's totally fictional. If you are offended by gay fiction or it is illegal to read such material where you are please leave now. Any one else, I hope you enjoy it.
Special thanks go firstly to Chris, you're amazing, you keep me sane and you're the reason I'm doing this. Viv thank you so much, you've made this readable and already provided feedback to boost my confidence. T thanks for making me laugh, thank you all... xxx
Feedback gives authors all the encouragement to they need to write. Please remember this, if you like what you see let me know. Email you thoughts and opinion to firstname.lastname@example.org thanks. Ok now on with the show... Enjoy!
I made the news, and we're not talking just the local news here either. It seems the police were charging Trace, Billy, and the team with attempted homicide. They were also being charged with committing hate crimes and were being tried as adults, and the press had jumped on the story. I suppose I should have been glad, maybe someone would learn something; maybe a few bigots would rethink their opinions. When I told Trace, I came out to one person. Now thanks to CNN, the whole world was aware of my sexuality.
I had thought being a minor, even if only by a few weeks, my identity would have been protected. It seems having your father preach how you're a sinner outside the hospital you're being treated in negates that rule. All the major news channels were covering the story and I got to see it all on my little portable TV. The coverage also presented another problem for me, nobody would foster me.
I'd been in this bed for three weeks now. Craig visited me everyday even though I wasn't in his care anymore since most of my injuries had healed somewhat. Mary was still my nurse and she'd also taken on the role of being my mom. She felt sorry for me, but I was beginning to resent peoples' pity.
Anne was a daily visitor and we had a strange relationship, she wanted me to talk. I was supposed to release the tension and anger built inside me, the only problem was, I didn't have any to release. I didn't hate myself, I didn't hate my parents, and I didn't even hate Trace, but I was scared of them.
I was scared of everyone. The reporters who constantly tried to gain access to my room, the police officers who kept trying to get me to talk to them, even Craig and Mary, but most of all I was scared of my parents and Trace. How would I ever face them again? I loved these people; I don't think I could cope with seeing the hate in their eyes, especially when it was directed at me.
It had been decided that I would spend the next four weeks here in the hospital. After that I would be eighteen and allowed to go out on my own. I wanted to get away from this town and from this state. I didn't expect to be able to go anywhere within the state without being recognized anyway. I didn't doubt for a second that if I was I would be beaten again. Jamie offered me a new name, a whole new identity. I said no, I refused to change who I was. I was Justin Timberlake, and I was staying that way.
I had to spend Christmas and New Years in that bed and if you've ever spent Christmas in a hospital, then you know how much it sucks. I received no contact from either my mom or my dad, but I hadn't really expected to. Craig and Mary bought me some gifts. It seems they had noticed that most of my wardrobe came from A&F, so they went shopping for me. It was a sweet gesture; the only problem with it was it reminded me that I had no family to buy for me anymore.
I was sinking into my own little depressive world. Anne was trying her hardest every day to raise me back out of it, but nothing would work. I had nothing to raise myself for, I knew that nobody wanted me. Not my family, and the state couldn't even pay someone to look after me. I was on my own and I knew it.
I met this kid who was in a room down the hall from me. He'd been in a car accident, and his name was Jesse. He was twelve years old and he had also lost his family, all of them; his parents, brother, sister, and grandparents, all in the same accident that landed him in here with me. He was my saviour I think. He decided I was going to be his friend, and I tried at first to shun his advances, he obviously didn't know why I was in here, and as soon as he did, he'd stay away, I was sure of that. I had managed to ignore him for a full week. Two days had passed since he'd last tried to make contact with me when the door to my room opened.
"Hi," his small voice squeaked out.
"Go away. Leave me alone." I was being a total bitch to this kid and I knew it.
I heard a small sniffle then the door closed again. I felt like shit but I just had to keep reminding myself that I was protecting us both. The door opened again, this time with a hell of a lot more force.
"Justin Timberlake, I don't know who the hell you think you are? That poor boy is totally alone and you've just rejected him... again. He's sitting in his room crying his little eyes out. What the hell is wrong with you?" Mary was mad. I'd never seen her like this before.
I didn't raise my eyes off the covers I was sitting under, but I tried to justify my behavior. "Mary, I've gotta keep him away from me, he's gonna be just like everyone else when he finds out I'm a fag!"
"Oh, Justin," she'd moved across the room and sat on my bedside, "Angel, you're not a fag okay? You're gay, and there's nothing wrong with that. You need to stop hating yourself. I know you say you don't, but, I can see it in your actions, it shows in just about everything you do. I think you should give that little guy a chance, he might surprise you."
I really didn't want to listen to what she'd told me, but I knew I didn't have much choice in the matter either so I sucked up what little courage I had left and agreed to give little Jesse a chance. In the past few weeks I'd only left my room to go see Anne, my therapist, and for physical therapy, so you can imagine peoples' surprise when they saw me walking out the door of my room, on my own, without a staff member making me.
I was in the corridor looking around at all the identical doors when I realised that I had no idea where Jesse's room was. Mary was right behind me though, with a massive smile on her face. She directed me to a room three doors away from my own. The door was open slightly, as I peeked through I saw the little boy curled up in a ball crying his poor little eyes out. My heart bled for him and I walked straight into the room and scooped him up in my good arm, pulling him close to my chest. If this little guy needed a friend, he had one now.
I could hear movement by the door as I sat rocking Jesse back and forth. Mary, Craig, and Anne were all standing next to each other, with small appreciative smiles on their faces. I managed to give them a small smile back, before I directed all my attention to the child in my arms.
Jesse was whimpering, his arms clinging to me like I was a life saver. It was only then that I realised how much easier I had it than he did. I still had the chance to talk to my family, even if it was with the high risk of rejection. He'd never see any of his again. He'd never have the chance to say goodbye to his mom again, but I did. It was then, with him cradled in my arms, I decided I had to try and see her, even if it would be for the last time. I had to try; I couldn't spend the rest of my life wondering if she still loved me.
"Justy?" I couldn't help but cringe hearing that nickname, it brought back the horrible memory of the nightmare I had the day I had woken up. "Are we friends now?" He had such a look of hope in his eyes, my heart crumbled all over again.
"Jesse, of course we are," I replied, pulling him in closer.
"Good, then you can stop crushing me now," he said with a giggle, wiggling out of my arms.
He ran across the room, and I finally noticed his room was larger than mine. His had two beds in it with a dresser separating them. There was a cart with a TV on it in here and I noticed he had a play station too when he pulled the cart closer to the bed I was sitting on.
"Can we play some video games?" He eyes were bulging with hope; this kid really wanted a friend.
"Sure buddy, you set it up, while I run down to my room, okay?"
"Okay!" He immediately sprung into action, plugging the leads in.
I left the room, walking down the hall and past my own door heading towards the nurses station. Mary was sitting behind the desk, her concentration fully on the computer she was working at. I walked up to the desk as she lifted her head.
"Justin, what can I do for you?" she asked, giving me a soft smile.
"Umm, I noticed Jesse's room has two beds in it. I was wondering if he has a roommate?" I gave her my best pout, knowing all too well nobody else was staying in the room.
"Sweetie, you know no one else stays in there. If you want to room with Jesse, just ask." She had a smirk, showing she fully knew the game I was playing with her.
"Okay, okay, I admit it. I like the little guy; I think we both could do with the company," I admitted.
"Okay Justin. I'll need to ask Dr. Williams for you, but I doubt he'll have any problem with it," she replied.
"Thanks, and could also you call Jamie and tell him I'd like to see him when he has time?"
Now she looked somewhat perplexed, full curiosity covering her expression. "Sure, I'll call him now sweetheart."
"Justin, it's ready to play now!" Jesse shouted from down the hall.
"Looks like you presence is required Justin, go on now," she laughed out.
Blushing slightly, I turned and made my way back down the hall to Jesse's room. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, bouncing slightly in anticipation, waiting for his new play mate. I was amazed, this little guy who had just lost his whole family acted like nothing was wrong.
We played for hours and I got my ass royally beat, the best part was, I didn't mind in the slightest. His excitement radiated throughout the room, it was totally contagious and I found myself forgetting all my own problems. Everything seemed so insignificant, that is, until Craig walked into the room followed by Jamie.
"Hey boys," he greeted us. "Justin, Jamie has come to see you and I would like a word with Jesse if you don't mind."
"No problem," I replied greeting him with a smile. I looked over to Jamie, a fear beginning to develop deep within me because of what I was about to ask.
Jamie and I walked back down the corridor to my room. I took a seat on the bed and invited him to sit next to me. My hands were sweaty as I rubbed them together,r finally resting them in my lap.
"So Justin, Mary called to say you'd like to talk to me?" he asked.
Ok I knew I would be nervous about this, I just didn't realise I would be quite this nervous. Not only were my hands sweating, but my heart rate was racing too. I was a total mess.
"Umm, I wanted to ask you to maybe, umm, do something for me," I stammered out.
"Relax Justin. You can ask anything you want, the worst I can do is say no."
"Okay. I kinda wondered if you would ask my mom if she would come see me?" the words were really hard to get out, I stammered as I said them.
"Well okay, I'm pretty sure I can do that for you. I'd like to ask though, why do you want to see her now?" His eye brows were kind of furrowed upwards showing his curiosity.
"Well, you know Jesse? See he's lost his chance to tell his family how he feels. They're gone forever, but mine are still here. I just thought maybe she'd have calmed down enough now and I just want to tell her I'm sorry and I love her."
Jamie had a soft smile on his face and he reached out placing a hand softly on my shoulder, "Justin, I'm happy to contact her, but please, don't set your hopes to high. She was very upset when I last saw her and none of us want to see you upset again. If you really want to try, we'll all help you in any way we can." He finished up by giving the shoulder a light squeeze as he stood. "I'll give her a call as soon as I can and let you know okay?"
"Thanks Jamie, she's a good person, she'll be okay, I know it!" I replied.
Jamie left the room and Craig entered with Jesse a few seconds later. "Well kiddo, I hear you want to move."
"Huh? Oh yeah. Umm, I like Jesse and I think we'd be great roomies." Jesse was bouncing on his heels, a huge grin on his face. I knew I'd done the right thing asking to change rooms, he just looked so happy.
"Well I talked with Jesse here, and he thinks it's a great idea, as long as you two behave and don't cause poor Mary any mischief, I think we can move you right away," he said with a big smile on his face. Jesse raced across the room throwing his arms around me in a mini bear hug. The kid was squeezing the life outta me!
We collected my belongings, Jamie had long since delivered all my personal items from home. Craig had set some ground rules since we were still patients in his ward. Lights out by ten p.m., keep the room tidy, and do as Mary tell us, much the same as we were expected to do in our own rooms.