Date: Thu, 18 Nov 1999 21:16:13 PST
From: Jason Clarke <jaclarke@hotmail.com>
Subject: Ryan and Lance - Part 5  (Replacement)

This story involves members of the bands NSYNC.  I am in no way implying
anything about the sexuality of any of their members.  This is purely a
fictional story.  Enjoy!

Please send any comments and/or suggestions to jaclarke@hotmail.com (ICQ
#7964029)

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Ryan and Lance - Part 5

Lance froze upon seeing what was in the drawer.  He couldn't believe what
he saw.  His first reaction was to throw all of the contents in the
garbage, never to be seen again.  Despite his intentions of doing so,
seeing the agony that Ryan was in severely weakened his will.  Lance could
not believe that he was actually taking the powder and the needle over to
Ryan, who by now was trembling violently and sweating seriously.

Lance had to close his eyes as Ryan took the needle.  He couldn't believe
that this was going on in his own house.  He didn't open his eyes until he
was sure that Ryan was finished.  When he did open his eyes, Lance saw Ryan
looking at him with the saddest eyes he had ever seen.  As their eyes met,
Ryan looked away sadly, tears again streaming down his face.  "I'm sorry,
Lance.  I never meant to deceive you..."

"Why?" was all Lance could say.

"I was afraid that if you ever found out, you would..."

"That I would dump you back on the streets?"

Ryan didn't answer.  His worse nightmare was coming true.  The one person
who really cared about him has found out his ugly truth.  "I'm so
sorry...but please let Scottie stay, I beg you.  He's so innocent.  He
doesn't deserve such a hard life."  Ryan buried his face in his hands and
sobbed.

Lance walked up to the bed and sat down beside Ryan.  He put his hands
around Ryan's shoulders and pulled him close.  "I'm not going to let you
go, Ryan.  I said that earlier and I'll say it again.  Scottie's not going
anywhere and neither are you.  But I need to know why you did what you
did."

Ryan dried his tears and took a deep breath.  "A few months ago, I was out
begging for money.  This man told me that he would offer me $100 if I
helped him move some stuff.  So I agreed...but this guy led me to his
place, and while I wasn't looking, he injected a needle in my arm.  Turned
out it was drugs that he injected into me...and ever since I would have
these reactions and the only way that I could stop them was to take these
drugs...so I kept going back to beg for them...he would make me work for
him for a day and he would give me a few doses..."

"You can't go on like this, Ryan.  Let me help you...please," Lance
pleaded.

"I don't know what you can do, Lance..."

"You could die from these things!"

"I know...but I don't think I have a choice."

"Yes you do, Ryan.  For Scottie, you have to give it a try!"

"I'm scared, Lance.  What if...what if I don't make it?"

"You will, Ryan.  I know you will.  You've got to believe that!!"

Ryan nodded.  "Thank you, Lance, again.  For everything.  Aside from
Scottie, you're the only person who I can turn to."

Lance smiled.  "I'm flattered that you trust me in a way that you can turn
to me.  I won't let you down...I promise."  He walked over to the drawer
and emptied the contents into a garbage bag.  As Ryan watched, his fear of
what might happen to him without the drugs grew, but at the same time, the
knowledge that he won't face this alone brought him some comfort.

Lance came back several minutes later with a warm glass of milk.  "Here,
drink this and try to get some sleep.  Don't think about too much."

Ryan obeyed and quickly finished the milk.  Like a father tucking in his
child, Lance tucked Ryan into bed.  "Get some rest.  I'll take you to see
the guys tomorrow.  I've got a meeting in the morning and then we can hang
out after that"

That night, Lance could not sleep at all.  He kept picturing Ryan and
Scottie in their 'house' in the alley.  Images of the drugs and needles
flashed in his mind.  All of these along with occasional images of Eric and
his friends kept Lance tossing and turning.  The images of Eric got
stronger and stronger, even as Lance struggled to keep them out.  He could
hear Eric telling him that he was just a toy.  Lance didn't even notice
that he began crying softly.  "Why?  Why Eric? Why?" This unanswered
question continued to torment Lance, as he eventually cried himself to
sleep.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

"Is Lance gonna show today?" Chris asked while drinking his orange juice.

"I called him yesterday and he said that he was coming," JC replied.

"Who was that Ryan guy anyway?"

"Lance's friend, I guess."

"Scoop never mentioned a Ryan before," Justin remarked.

"I have a weird feeling about his Ryan," Chris continued.

"Why do you say that?" Joey spoke for the first time.

"I don't know...I just have this feeling."

"Don't give him a hard time, okay?" JC didn't want Lance to feel any more
miserable than he has been lately.  "Don't put Scoop in an awkward
position."

"Don't worry, JC, I won't say anything stupid."

The doorbell rang and Ryan and Lance walked in.  They greeted each other
and then the meeting began.  Lance took Ryan and Scottie to the recreation
room before going back to the meeting with the guys.

"Here's the stuff that you wanted me to get you, Just," Lance said, handing
a package to Justin.

"Thanks, Scoop."

"No problem.  And here is the CD that you wanted me to get you," he
continued, handing the disc to Chris.  "And as for our schedule the next
little while, we have a couple of interviews later this week and a meeting
tomorrow morning with the management team."

"Okay, doesn't sound too bad," Joey remarked.

"Yeah, enjoy it while it lasts," Lance said with a grin.  They continued
talking for a while longer.  Lance was heading to the kitchen to grab a
glass of water but decided to take a detour to the rec room to check on
Scottie and Ryan.  As he walked in, he saw Ryan curled up in a ball,
shivering and trembling.  Lance ran up to Ryan and held him tight.

"I...I'm so...cold, Lance...I...don't think...I can...do...it," Ryan
stuttered.  He was beginning to sweat and Scottie was getting scared.

"What's going on?" JC said as he entered the room.

"Uh...nothing.  I think Ryan might've caught a chill last night," Lance
lied.  "I'm just gonna take him upstairs and get him to lie down." With
that, Lance helped Ryan into a room upstairs, leaving JC to look after
Scottie.  Once inside the room, Lance closed and locked the door.

"I'm...really...cold, Lance..." Ryan's fists started to clench tightly.  He
looked around for things to grab onto and his teeth starting chattering.
Lance was scared...not knowing what to do.  Relying on instincts, (a bit
unusual for the normally rational and logical singer), Lance pulled Ryan
close to him in a tight hug.

"Grab onto me, Ryan."

"I...can't...I...I...don't want to...hurt you..."

"Just do it!!"

Ryan held Lance as tightly as he could.  His hands grabbed onto Lance's
shoulders and began to clench together.  A sharp pain shot through the
singer's body as Ryan's grip tightened around his shoulders.  After what
seemed like hours, Ryan's cold spell began to wear off and he gradually
regained control of himself.  He released his hold on Lance and could see
the singer in pain.

"I'm so sorry, Lance..." Ryan began to sob quietly.

"It's okay, Ryan, I'm fine.  Look on the bright side, you got through this
without having use the stuff," Lance tried to console his friend.  "You got
past the hard part, now it's going to get easier."  The ordeal wore Ryan
out and he began to feel very drowsy.  "Rest for a bit, Ryan.  I'll come
get you when we're ready to get going."  Ryan nodded and soon fell asleep.

Lance sighed softly and headed back downstairs.  He was met at the bottom
of the stairs by a visibly upset JC.  "What's the matter?" Lance asked.

"We need to talk...NOW!" JC ordered.

Lance sat at the dining table, looking at the four guys staring at him.  He
did not feel comfortable at all, feeling like he was being interrogated or
something.

"What the hell is going on?" Chris began.

"What are you talking about?"

"What is going on with this Ryan?" Chris asked again, more forcefully this
time.

"I told you, he caught a chill last night.  He's going to be okay."

"Bullshit!" JC exclaimed.  "It was obviously that he was suffering from
some drug reaction.  Where did you find this guy???"

Lance squirmed a little in his chair.  He knew that he couldn't hide the
truth from the guys much longer.  He took a deep breath and began to tell
the story of how he and Ryan met.

Meanwhile, Ryan had woken up and was heading back downstairs when he heard
loud discussions coming from the dining room.  He stopped and sat on the
steps, not wanting to interrupt.

"What the hell is wrong with you, Lance?  You were always the responsible
one.  Do you know what you've got yourself into?" Ryan recognized Chris'
voice.

"I don't understand what the big deal is," Lance retorted, sounding upset.

"Scoop, this is serious.  We can't go on like this!"

"Go on like what???"

"Look, we know that you have a soft heart," JC reasoned, "but we just can't
have you having such close contact with Ryan."

Ryan gasped, realizing that the whole conversation was about him.  In a
way, he wasn't surprised, he was expecting this to happen sooner or later.
After all, how reasonable was it to expect all 5 guys to treat him the way
Lance treated him.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" Lance raised his voice, becoming
increasingly upset.

"Look, you've got to understand the nature of our job.  Not only do you not
know him, but he's a street kid, and a drug addict!!"

Those words hit Ryan like a ton of bricks.  He felt humiliated and
degraded.

"Shut up, JC!  You don't even know him!!  He's not like that!"

"Oh! And I suppose you know him so well?" Chris chimed in.  "I mean, you've
only known him for how long?  A day???"

"I can't believe you guys!  Do you not understand?  We've had it easy all
our lives!  Not everyone is so lucky!!  He's got nothing now, NOTHING!!
All he has is his little brother.  That's it!!  What do you want me to
do???"

"I'm sorry to hear that, Lance," Chris replied coldly.  "But that's just
life.  You are a singer, not a saint!!"

Ryan heard Lance slam down on the table.  "Bullshit!!"

Lance pushed his chair back and began to head upstairs.  Not wanting to be
seen, Ryan quickly made his way back up to the room and closed the door.
Lance was halfway up the stairs when Chris stopped him again.  "You're
playing with fire, Lance, and you know it!!"

"Enough!!  I've heard enough!!" Lance was yelling at the top of his lungs,
his anger overcoming him.

"You're going to flush your career down the drain with this," Justin spoke
for the first time, although he said it in a soft tone.

Lance looked at Justin in disbelief, and the younger singer looked down at
the floor.

"And you're just going to drag all of us down with you!!" Chris yelled.
Everyone froze at those words.  JC gave Chris that 'shut the fuck up' look
and Justin and Joey just rolled their eyes in frustration.

"If that's the way you see it, then I guess there's only one thing to
do..." Lance spoke softly now.

"Lance, wake up!  Is it worth it to throw away everything for some street
kid on drugs?" Chris said in a forceful yet pleading tone.

That comment was just what was needed to send Lance's anger boiling over.
"DON'T YOU EVER TALK ABOUT HIM LIKE THAT AGAIN, YOU HEAR ME????"  Lance's
outburst startled everyone.  Justin was petrified by this side of Lance
that he had never witnessed before, and Joey was in shock.

Then, before everyone's eyes, the defences that Lance built up started to
crumble.  His knees went weak and his anger gave way to sadness.  He pushed
past everyone and ran outside in tears, leaving everyone standing there,
not knowing what to do.

Ryan ran to get Scottie and then proceeded to chase after Lance, totally
ignoring the fact that four of his favourite singers were in the same house
as him.  Ryan found Lance sitting in his car, his eyes gazing out the
window.

"Can you wait here for a little while, Scottie?  I need to talk with Lance
for a while."

Scottie nodded.  "Why is Lance sad, Ryan?"

"I don't know, but I'm going to find out.  Wait here, okay?"

Ryan walked over to the car and slowly opened the door.  Lance was
oblivious to Ryan's presence.  Only when Ryan closed the door did Lance
notice that he wasn't alone in the car.

"You alright, Lance?"

Lance shook his head.  "I don't know what's wrong with me!!  It's like I
don't even know them anymore."

For the first time in days, Ryan took on the role as a comforter.  He could
feel the anguish in Lance's voice, though he didn't know what he could do
or say.  "Lance, I'm sorry that you had to go through this because of me."

Lance looked up at Ryan, his eyes red from crying.  "You heard everything?"

Ryan nodded.  "Thank you for standing up for me.  But I'm not worth you
fighting with the rest of the guys."

"NO!  I'm not going compromise this time," Lance blurted out.  "I've done
that all my life and I'm sick and tired of it."

Ryan was taken aback by Lance's response, knowing that there had to be
something more behind Lance's sadness.

"I don't care what they say, I'm not going to leave you and Scottie."

"But Lance, they were right.  This could ruin your career...you've worked
too hard to get to where you are to blow it all now.  They were just
looking out for you."  Part of this was a lie, Ryan was angry at the guys
for what they said.  But at the same time, he could see why they did what
they did.

"So?  Then screw this career!  If being a singer means I can't even follow
my heart and conscience, then what's the point?"

"Lance..."

"Come on, let's go home."

The drive home was marked by silence.  Both Lance and Ryan had lots on
their mind.  Lance still couldn't believe how the guys could be so cold and
heartless.  Ryan, on the other hand, could not forget the image of Lance
standing up to the opposition, all because of him.  "Could this be real?
Am I falling for him?  I can't...I don't deserve him..." he thought to
himself.

Meanwhile, back at Justin's house, the guys were still trying to figure out
what just happened.  By now, JC was furious...he was angry at Chris for
starting the whole thing, angry at Lance for being so stubborn, angry at
Ryan for messing up the group, and angry at himself for not taking proper
control of the situation.

"Great, now what are we going to do?" Chris asked, obviously still very
angry with Lance.

"How am I supposed to know?" JC yelled.  "I told you to let me do the
talking, but NO! You just had to add in your comments."

"Look, Lance needed to wake up.  He's living in a dream!"

"We should've given him a chance," Joey finally said.  He had been quiet
throughout the whole argument with Lance and had not spoken until now.
"Don't you think we jumped to conclusions too quickly?"

"What is there to explain?" Chris defended.  "It's obvious that this guy
was on drugs!  Lance is naïve and innocent, this guy could simply be
using him."

"Aren't we being a little unfair to Lance here?" Joey replied in Lance's
defence.

"Can you just shut up for a while, Chris?  Haven't you said enough
already?" JC ordered.  With that, Chris stormed off to the kitchen, leaving
Joey and Justin with JC.

"I've never seen Lance that angry before," Joey remarked.  "I think we
really blew it this time."

JC sighed.  He knew Joey was right.  He only hoped that they hadn't lost
Lance for good.


...to be continued....

Hope you enjoyed this segment.  Let me know what you think!!

As always, I'd love to hear any comments/ideas/questions.  Please e-mail me
at jaclarke@hotmail.com (ICQ #7964029)