Date: Thu, 15 Nov 2001 23:57:58 -0000
From: svjsr@hotmail.com
Subject: Sans Vous, Je Suis Rien - Part 1

This is my first attempt at a story and I would be very grateful for any
comments (good or bad).  Please e-mail them to me: svjsr@hotmail.com

This story is a work of fiction people, I neither know nor claim to any of the
people mentioned in this story.  Everything written here is from my sordid
mind and does not imply anything about the sexuality or private lives of
anybody.  Any coincidence with reality is just that and we can only hope that
there are some.

Please note;  English *is* my native tongue, British English that is.  Any
'weird' spellings are probably just due to that.  On a similar note, I need
an American who can help me write this, I keep on stumbling over what I
would say and what an American would say.

Sans Vous, Je Suis Rien - Part 1

Chapter One

Well, this is my story:  I'm Darren Filkin, although I now go by the surname
'Gallouedec'.  About a year ago I moved away from my parents and home
country of the UK to live in the USA, suffice to say that I needed a fresh start.
Six months ago I was sitting in my bedroom recording demo tapes as a last
ditched attempt at raising some much needed cash.  Thankfully, unlike millions
of others, I got lucky and signed a deal with a major record company and
released my first single, which did quite well in the charts (to my surprise!).
After the success of my first single, I was asked, by my management, to tour
with N'Sync for a while, 'It'll be good for your image Darren' my manager had
said.  He never did like the image I'd chosen to go with.  You see I'm gay and
I wanted to be open about it from the start, however I get angry when people
come up to me and say 'you're that gay pop star' and things like that.  Yes I'm
gay, but that's not the only thing about my personality.  Anyway, I was somewhat
anxious, I'd only been an unemployed wannabe a couple of months ago, how
would I cope with a major tour.  After a lot of encouragement from my friends,
and the offer of what I can only call a shit load of money I reluctantly agreed.
So after having recorded some tracks for future singles and some album
tracks I flew out to join the N'Sync tour.

And here I was in Atlanta having one of the crappiest days of my life.  I had
just finished my third concert as the opening act for N'Sync, a job which I still
had my doubts of.  I had missed umpteen steps, forgotten a whole verse after
having missed my sound check and seriously annoyed my choreographer
earlier in the day and to cap it all off I had lost my mobile (which my life now
seemed to revolve around) somewhere backstage and was frantically trying
to locate it before the limo I was supposed to be in gave up waiting, leaving
me stranded.  Throwing open the door to my dressing room I was greeted
with quite an eyeful.

"Oh my god!  I'm really, really sorry!" I apologised for in front of me stood
Justin Timberlake in just his boxers talking on his mobile phone.

"Shit, don't you knock before entering" Justin said rather accusatively.

"Not when it's my own dressing room," I said turning my back while Justin
scrambled to pull on some trousers.

"Oh, I'm sorry then I guess" Justin laughed, "I was changing when my phone
rang and I needed some privacy."

"S'okay.  You decent yet?" I replied trying to avoid the temptation to sneak a
peek.

"Yeah.  Look I'm sorry for embarrassing you, I would have used our room
but like I said..."

"You needed privacy, I understand" I finished for him "I don't think we've
really met, I'm Darren Filkin"

"Yeah, I know"

"You do" I tried not to sound too pleased, "I thought big time stars like
yourselves wouldn't know me from Adam, after all I'm hardly famous" I
laughed.

"Come on, you're our opening act, it's only polite that I know your name and
besides your debut single was massive on MTV!  I'm surprised everyone in
the country doesn't know who you are" Justin said half laughing

"Cheers" I said blushing again.

"I'm Justin Timberlake" he held out his hand to shake mine.

"I think every self-respecting gay guy in the western hemisphere knows that"
I said as we shook and instantly regretted saying it, inwardly cringing at my
own campness.

"Oh, so you're a fan?" Justin grinned slyly playing up my faux-pas.

"I was, until I began touring with you.  All the stories I've heard over the past
week from the crew, choreographers, dancers..." I counted each off on my
fingers, "have kinda disenfranchised me with the lot of ya" I said trying not
to grin inanely.

"Is that so?" Justin replied laughing, "I can see there's gonna be a whole lot of
firing to do tomorrow".  We both laughed and then fell silent.

"Hey" Justin suddenly said breaking the quasi-comfortable silence that had
built up between us, "Y'wanna grab a drink with us?"

"As in tonight?" Justin nodded, pulling on a T-shirt.  "Oh, my, gawd!  I'm going
out with N'Sync I said" acting like a crazed fan, before we both broke out into
huge grins.  "Anyway, who was that on the phone?" I said off the cuff.  Justin
looked at me and we both walked out of the room grinning like idiots.


A few hours later I was sitting in a JC's hotel room with all five members of
N'Sync.  We had been talking for ages about the industry and now they were
taking turns to regale me with various tales of their past.  Chris, Joey, and
JC were on a couch while Lance and I sat in armchairs leaving Justin the floor.

"And as I pulled my hand out of the envelope and saw the bra, that's when I
knew we were famous" finished Joey with a broad smile on his face.

"Okay, enough details already" I said scrunching up my face in disgust as I
regretted asking the question 'How do you know you're famous?'  "Anyway I
doubt many teenage girls will ever get that excited about me."

"Just because you're openly gay doesn't mean they're gonna let you off the
hook you know" Chris said, "You'd be surprised what people forget when
you're famous."

"And what they remember" mumbled JC.  The other four nodded and
mumbled agreements until the room fell silent.

"So how come I ended up on your tour anyway?" I asked trying to break the
uneasy silence.  "I'm surprised that management allowed me to go on such
a high-profile thing, after all I'm just one of their many up-and-coming wannabes."

"Oh that's easy," Lance said looking at Justin who began to blush slightly
"Our Justin here asked for you personally, he's a really big fan!"

"Well," I said rather astounded by that revelation "Thanks, but the video for
my second single has only just been released, so there's not much to be a
fan of yet"

"No need for modesty, those two songs are fantastic." JC said
enthusiastically "They have an amazing quality to them."  It was my turn to
blush now.

"Yeah, I can see you're gonna be a threat to our chart domination soon" Chris
said.

"Whoa there, everyone knows the Backstreet Boys far surpass you in every
sense, that Nick Carter is sooo dreamy..." I said as I closed my eyes and
tried not to smile.

"Hey you can't like them and tour with us." Lance cried out as he broke into
a grin.

"Shut up," I said raising a hand to quiet Lance and the rest of them, "I'm
thinking of my Nicky" I let a love-sick smile pass across my face just as it
was hit square on by a pillow.  "What the fuck!" my eyes flew open just in
time to see Justin trying to get up off the floor and make a break for it.  "Oh
no you don't" I lunged at him, getting the back of his knees, bringing him to
the floor where I promptly sat on his back.

"Help you guys" Justin pleaded as I grabbed for a cushion and proceeded
to hit him round the head with it repeatedly.

"No way man," Joey said laughing, "you deserve it"

"Yeah," I agreed, "it's just not polite to try and beat up your guests."

"But it's OK for you to beat up your host" Lance said also laughing.

"Yeah, it's a little known custom dating back to the Victorians" Chris supplied
as he also cracked up.

I gave up trying to hit Justin as the laughter in the room caused me to double
up and fall off Justin's back, but Justin was laughing too much to retaliate.

After a few minute we both sat up and shook hands.

"If I'd had a camera," Joey said smiling, "imagine how much those pictures
would have been worth."

"O yeah, I can just see the headlines now 'Justin Timberlake and Darren
Filkin's Sex Games Revealed'" JC said giggling.

"Hey, I've got much better tastes then that" Justin said pouting.

"Pay no attention to him Darren, you can do so much better" Lance said.

"Hum, like dreamy ol'Nick" I said feigning a swoon as I clutched my hands
to my chest.

"Melodramatic old queen" Justin said jokingly.  With my eyes closed I saw
Peter Baynon, kicking me and saying those same words over and over.  I
slowly opened my eyes as the anger rose inside me.

"What did you just say?" I asked quietly trying to control the rage.

"Err, um..." was all Justin could manage before I got up, trying to resist the
urge to yell.

"Don't you ever call me that!"  I managed to whisper through my teeth.

"Call you what?" Justin innocently replied.  He was still sitting on the floor
in shock but the others were all now standing.

"You know what, how dare you," I pointed at him, "how dare you say that!"

"Look I'm sorry, I didn't know..." Justin tried to apologise.

"Yeah, you're right there Justin, you don't know fuck-all!"  I said jabbing my
finger towards him.  Justin just stared at me as his eyes filled, his mouth
open in shock.

"Darren, Justin didn't mean it like that, he was only joking."  Joey said
attempting to protect his fellow band member.  Justin sat there, a single
tear making its way down his cheek.

"Fuck you Justin," I said before heading to the door, "fuck you all!"

I walked down the corridor a little and took a deep breath trying to bring
my emotions under control.  As I exhaled, however, the tears began to fall faster.

"Shit, shit, shit..." I whispered through the tears to the walls.  Just then the
door that I'd just walked out of opened and Lance stuck his head out
tentatively.  "Fuck off Lance" I said trying to get to my feet before he could
reach me.

"Hey I didn't say anything" Lance smiled, trying to lighten the situation,
then he saw my tear-streaked face.  "Oh god, that really got to you didn't it!"

"Just hit a nerve, sorry for saying that to you" I tried to apologise as I
walked away.  "Guess I'll see you all around then" I waved half-heartedly
as the lift doors opened and turned to see Lance begin to run towards
the closing doors with a look of pure worry on it.

"You don't have to leave," he said trying to get me to change my mind as
I pushed the button for my floor.  As the doors closed I just smiled as best
I could through my tears.


Chapter Two

I managed to avoid the guys for a few days, there was a break in the tour,
and we were all off doing our own promo-thingies.  However I couldn't avoid
them, or the consequences of my actions for very long, after all we did all
work together.

The tour was back on and I was wandering around the backstage area of
yet another nameless stadium in Middle America.  It always amazed me
how the people architects who designed them always managed to churn
out a building that lacked any kind of individuality.  They were all the same,
once you'd figured your way around one, you'd mastered them all.  Of course
that is easier said than done, it often occured to me how the same
unimaginative architects could conceive such a maze of corridors and
rooms.  This one was a little different to all the others, it was on the outskirts
of the town, surrounded by trees on the two sides away from the car park
and where the tour vehicles parked.

I turned down the corridor with all the dressing rooms on in order to find
mine and get ready for my rehearsal.  Just then one of the doors opened
and JC and Lance spilled out into the hallway.

"Uhm, hi" I said sheepishly, desperately trying to avoiding eye contact.

"Hi Darren" Lance replied, "I'll see you later JC".  JC got the not-so-subtle
hint and made himself scarce.  "We need to talk" Lance had a stern edge
to his voice.

"How about in my room" I suggested.

"Look" I said as I closed my dressing-room door behind us "I'm really sorry
about the other night, I just flew off the handle."

"I forgive you" Lance said flatly.

"What?  But why, I mean I had no right to say what I did to you Lance!"

"I know, but you really should be apologising to Justin.  What happened
really shuck him up"  Lance said looking kind of wistful "He really doesn't
know what he did wrong that deserved your response."

"He did nothing wrong" I said sadly, turning to the mirror and fiddling with
objects on the side, "He wasn't to know what those words mean to me."

"Look, with all respect it's Justin who needs to be hearing this, not me"
Lance said shaking me out of the train of thought I was in.

"Yeah, is he here?" I said.

"Sure, come on let's go find him" Lance said with a smile.


Lance slowly pushed the door of N'Sync's dressing room open and
walked in with me following.  Suddenly four pairs of eyes were upon me,
and they didn't feel very hospitable.

"Hey guys, can J and Darren get a few minutes alone?" Lance said to the
room.  After a little grumbling JC, Chris and Joey all stood up and walked out.

"Why are you letting that dickhead have another pop at J for Lance?" I
heard Joey say as he closed the door behind them all.  I exhaled and looked
up meeting Justin's eyes.  They looked less bright than they did during our
previous meeting in my dressing room.

"Hey" I said trying to lighten the atmosphere a little.  It failed, Justin's stare
grew colder I swore.

"What did I do?"  Justin said quietly

"Pardon?"

"What did I do?" He practically shouted.  I stuttered in shock.  "Cat got
your tongue?"  Justin continued, "Strange you've got nothing to say now
have you!"  I blinked the first tear of many out of my eye.

"Justin..." I began.

"Just, just stuff it.  I don't want to hear it"  and with that Justin began to
stride towards the door that was behind me.

"Justin" I repeated, grabbing his arm as he reached for the door handle.

"To coin a phrase 'Fuck you' Darren" Justin spat as he punched me in the
stomach, winding me.  I dropped his arm, partly due to the shock of his
actions and partly because I was so badly winded I could barely stand.
That boy could pack a mean punch!  And as he walked out of the room,
I collapsed against the wall clutching my abdomen.

The next thing I know Lance is next to me, hugging me as I sobbed
between trying to get my breath back.

"God Lance, what have I done?" I asked rhetorically.  Lance simply
tightened his hold in response.

"Why *did* you get angry at what Justin said?" Lance asked after a few
minutes.

"What he said, the 'melodramatic queen' thing, I've been called that before."

"Yes" Lance said, urging me to continue in at my own pace.

"There was a bunch of guys back home who decided that beating me up
was going to be their hobby, they used to call me things like that whenever
I cried out."  I looked up at Lance; his face had lost its usual joyous look.

"Fuck"  was all he could manage.

"Yeah, so when Justin said that..."

"It triggered a flash back" Lance filled in.

"Something like that, plus we were wrestling on the ground, that only
helped to set the emotional scene for it all."  I said trying to smile
convincingly.  Lance just lent over and kissed the top of my head.

"What was that for?"

"I thought you needed it" Lance offered, the brightness back in his eyes.
"Now come on, you need to get ready for your rehearsal."  With that he
leapt up and pulled me with him.  "I'll go and reason with J, he just
needed to let some steam off at you I'm sure."

"Cheers Lance" I said smiling as he pulled me into another hug.

Just then there was a knock at the door,

"Mr Filkin?  You're needed on stage"
Lance placed his hands on my shoulders as he broke the hug.

"Look at you!" he said wiping the last of my tears away with his
thumbs.  "Now go have fun in rehearsal"  he grinned.

"Fat bloody chance" I countered grinning to the same degree as
I opened the door only to be grabbed by the stagehand "Anyway,
how did you find me?" I quizzed my kidnapper as I was dragged
off to dance for my sadistic choreographer.


"OK, we'll finish now" Seb, my choreographer said after two hours
of rehearsing.  I had been lucky today, usually N'Sync would
rehearse and sound-check for almost all the available time before
a show leaving me and my dancers with only thirty minutes or so.
Today was different however, the guys had a TV appearance to
make and this left Seb with a couple of hours, into which he had
packed in about four hours of work.

"At last, the slave driver relents!" Steven, one of my dancers exclaimed.

"God, someone get me a towel!" I said in my best 'screaming queen'
voice.

"Here y'are" came a familiar voice from behind me.

"Shit!" I yelped as I span around to find Justin holding out a towel.
"That took ten years off my life!" I said jokingly continuing in queen-mode,
trying to hide my discomfort at him being there.

"Hey, truce" Justin smiled waving the white towel in front of my face.

"Sure" I replied.  I swiped the towel from his grip and proceeded to wipe
the sweat from my face.

"Look..." Justin started, but I interjected.

"Justin, you have nothing to apologise for.  I acted like a complete fuck-wit,
I shouldn't have said or acted like what I did."

"I can say sorry for being so harsh a few hours ago though can't I" Justin
half stated, half asked.

"Hey, you guys back to talking rather than shouting?" JC yelled as he
marched onto the stage.  We both looked at each other and smiled.
"Well if you're finished Mr Filkin, the serious pop-artists here need to
rehearse" JC finished ushering me off to the side.

"Pop-artist?" I said quizzically "That's an oxymoron if ever I heard one!"
I laughed as I ran to avoid JC's swinging fists.  "Can we talk later Justin?"
I shouted as JC chased me around the stage.

"Sure" Justin managed to say between his laughter.

"You best run, Brit-Boy, our agents are everywhere!" JC shouted in his
'Dr No' voice as I ducked past a row of security personnel before he
proceeded to laugh manically like a cartoon villain.


I was sitting in my room, music blaring out of the stereo, while Maria,
my hairdresser on loan from the N'Sync staff, put the last of my hairs into
place.  I had changed into a pair of jeans and a zip-up hoody for warmth,
no-one had thought that a stadium might need heating it seemed.  There
was a knock at the door and Justin's head poked in.

"Hi Darren"

"Hey, you're all sweaty.  Smelly people aren't allowed in" I laughed
"Security!" I called just quiet enough that no one would respond.
Justin simply grinned and walked on in anyway.

"All finished" Maria said as she packed her hair stuff away.
"I'll leave you two in peace."

"So" Justin began, "what did you want to talk to me about?"

"Well I feel that I need to explain why I said and acted like I did"

"You don't need to apologise, we've already covered that ground"
Justin said.  I motioned for him to sit on the sofa as I moved from the
make-up seat to join him.

"I know, but I want to at least try and explain" I said, wringing my hands.
I looked up into those beautiful blue eyes and momentarily lost my train
of thought.  My little mental sojourn didn't go unnoticed.

"Yes?" Justin said a little impatiently as he blinked to break the locking
of our eyes.

"Well, it kinda goes back to my school days.  I was bullied, quite badly
I guess, by this one group of guys.  One in particular, Peter Baynon,
took a real dislike to me.  It all boils down to the fact that whenever I
yelled for help or whatever..."

"'Whatever'?" Justin probed.  I stared into his eyes, they seemed so
caring, so protective.  I felt completely at ease in those eyes.

"Uhm, well...  when I used to call out in pain."  A single tear made its
way down my cheek.  I looked away from Justin, those eyes which had
seem so welcoming only moments ago now seemed to be too piercing
to look directly at, like the Sun.  Justin placed his arm around me and
I brushed the tear away before turning back.  "Anyway, whenever I did
any of that they used to call me a 'melodramatic queen' or some
variation of that"  I looked up to gauge the reaction.  Justin's face,
like Lance's earlier, had a more mature, concerned look to it now.

"Oh man, I'm sorry..." I cut him off with a wave of my hand.

"You weren't to know, I should really try and get over it, its amazing how
many times I get to here that"

"But I should never had said it anyway"

"Justin, you were joking, and I can be a little camp on occasions" I said
crossing my legs in the most flirtatious manner possible.  Then, realising
he wasn't up for laughing, I looked him directly in the eyes, "Its nothing,
really" I added the 'really' more to convince myself than Justin.  We stayed
that way for a few seconds until I spoke up again.  "Hey, you'd better not
go easy on me after all this.  I want to be as insulted as anyone else
would be by you Mr. Timberlake"

"Your wish is my command" Justin said smiling.

"How are JC, Chris and Joey?" I asked rather afraid of the answer.
Justin grimaced slightly.

"JC's fine, he heard what Lance told me.  Joey and Chris are a different
kettle of fish.  They, um..."

"They hate me" I supplied.

"No, not really" Justin tried to cover, "They're just real pissed off right now."

"What was I to expect?" I said rhetorically.  We both sighed simultaneously
causing us to laugh lightly.

"They'll forgive you, in time at least, and if you tell them the full story..."
Justin said trying to raise my mood.

'God' I thought 'If I told the whole story it would take all night'

"Hmm, I guess so" I still wasn't convinced.

"Come on then" Justin said leaping to his feet, "Let's go and find them."

"Now?"

"Got a better time?"  I relinquished and followed Justin out of my room
and down the corridor to the N'Sync dressing room.


Chapter Three

I followed Justin into their dressing room.  Joey and Lance were sitting
on a couch, Chris was in a chair off to one side, looking as if he weren't
in the best of moods and JC was picking at the food over at the back of
the room.  Justin coughed and suddenly all eyes in the room were upon me.

"Um, hey..." was all I could manage.  Lance caught my line of sight and
smiled sympathetically.  "Well, I'm just here to" I exhaled sharply and
shifted my gaze in the direction of Joey and Chris.  "I'm here to apologise
for my behaviour the other night.  I had no right to speak to any of you
guys like that, especially Justin here.  He wasn't to know."

"Wasn't to know what?" Chris asked with a very noticeable bitterness
in his tone.

"That..." I started but Lance interrupted.

"You don't need to tell them Darren" He stood and turned his attention
to Chris "We shouldn't need to know why to forgive"

"Yeah, well you're all gonna find out.  I need to tell them Lance."  He
simply smiled in defeat and settled back into the couch.  "I used to get
beaten up at school and they used to call me what Justin did"

"A 'melodramatic queen'" Joey said under his breath.

"Yeah, they called me that whenever I cried out for help."  Justin put his
arm around my shoulders and squeezed slightly.  JC was visibly
uncomfortable with the situation, Lance still had his empathic smile on
his face, and Joey looked down at his hands whilst Chris still had the
same expression that he had on when I first walked in.  Joey was the
first to speak up.

"Hey, I'm sorry for the 'dickhead' comment earlier."

"I understand." I said simply.  Everybody's eyes shifted to Chris.

"What!" He cried out "I am not apologising for anything, hell, I didn't even
do anything!"

"Whoa Chris" Justin said, trying to calm him down.  "No-one expects an
apology, just some kind of reaction."

"Well here's one" Chris snapped bitterly "Gay-boy here" He indicted me.
"Has not only pissed us all off and tried to split us up..."

"What the fuck!" Lance's voice interjected.

"I promise you Chris, Darren never tried to break up N'Sync." Justin said,
trying to contain his anger.  Chris looked at me, waiting for a response
but I was still reeling from the comments he'd just made.

"Well, if he tried or not he managed to drive a wedge between us."  Chris
continued "Plus, I've seen the way he looks at us."

"What!?" I managed to get out "Exactly how have I been looking at you all
Chris?" I said, spitting his name.

"You look at us like we're meat for your picking"

"Now just a minute Chris..." JC started, but I interrupted.

"You fucking idiot!" Justin said starting towards Chris.

"Leave it J." I said quietly, grabbing his arm to stop him.  "He's made his
mind up, and it is partly true."

"What!" came the reply from Lance, JC and Justin.

"I am driving a wedge between you all" I said as the tears started again.
"You're all fighting like kids, and it's because of me!"

"You're not the problem here Darren" Lance started "It's Chris's pigheaded
homophobia!"  By now everyone in the room was standing.  Chris had
moved so that he was standing directly opposite me, a coffee table
separating us.  Joey stood behind Chris, not having moved since standing.
Lance had taken up my left side and Justin hadn't moved from my right.
JC was still stood over by the food

"I am not homophobic!" Chris yelled back at Lance.  "I just find it hard to
see why you're all taking the side of some one-hit-wonder that we were
paid to tour with rather than sticking together as the group we've been all
these years!"

"One-hit-wonder!" I exclaimed, "At least give me an opportunity to get a
second before you shoot me down!"

"Anyway," Chris continued, "I'd have thought that you of all people would
have been on my side Lance.  Isn't buggery a sin after all?"  Lance could
barely speak due to the anger that was visibly rising inside him.  JC walked
over and put his hand on Lance's arm to calm him down.

"Chris, what the fuck is wrong with you!?" Justin yelled before Chris could
carry on with his little tirade against the homosexual section of society.

"There's nothing wrong with me.  I'm normal, unlike Darren here."  Chris
gestured towards me as if I were some rather ugly piece of furniture and his
voice dripped with the total distain he clearly had for me.  With that I turned
and walked out.  I didn't want any of them to see me crying yet again.  But
I couldn't for the life of me remember which way my dressing room was.  I
randomly chose to go left.

"Chris you fucking idiot!" came JC's voice through the door that hadn't
quite closed after I had tried to slam it.  "Can't you see that you're pulling
us apart?  Justin," he continued in a calmer voice, "go find Darren." I
quickened my pace trying to get off the hallway before Justin could...

"Hey, Darren, wait up" Justin called out behind me.  The slight waver in
his voice betrayed his true emotions.  I sped up again, but he only broke
into a jog to catch up with me before I could get away.  He walked along
side me for a while before one of us broke the silence.

I stopped dead and turned to face him.  I had been crying since I'd walked
out from their dressing room, but I was surprised to see that Justin's eyes
were just as teary as mine.

"He hates me J," I stated simply.  "He hates me 'cus I'm gay."  Justin
lost the ability to look me in the eyes and turned away.  Seeing that he
didn't have anything to say to contradict me I continued.  "And he's right,
I caused that argument, I don't want N'Sync to split over me, a pathetic,
one-hit, celebrity hanger-on."

"Now just you wait." Justin was visibly angry now.  "Chris is an asshole
now and again, he usually gets over it, and we move on."

"Usually?" I questioned Justin's use of the word.

"Yeah, I've never seen Lance or JC as pissed-off with Chris as they are now.
I was worried that if I came out to find you, I'd go back to find Chris in little
chunks being cleared up by the Janitor or something."  He smiled and I
tried to return it.  When he saw my tear-streaked face attempt a smile he
grinned as if he'd won a car on TV or something and before I knew it he'd
embraced me in a near-suffocating hug.

"Hey Justin," I managed to say, "You'd should be back in there trying to
keep N'Sync a quintet."  He relaxed his grip just a little.  Just then N'Sync's
dressing room door flew open and Lance stormed out turning only to shout
back into the room.

"Fuck off Chris, you don't understand!"  Lance then turned to walk towards
where Justin and I were still hugging.  Lance's expression hardened even
more, if that was possible, and he turned on his heals and stormed off in
the other direction.

Justin broke the embrace and looked at me, obviously silently asking about
Lance's behaviour.  I just shrugged.

"Buggery obviously is a sin." I said under my breath, but Justin obviously
heard it because before I could utter another word I was back in one of
Justin's bear hugs.

After a minute or so I pulled away from Justin.

"You'd best go and find Lance.  You guys still have to perform tonight,"
I told Justin.  He nodded, deep in thought.

"Hey, J" JC said as he walked out of the dressing room and down the
corridor to where he and I were.  "Which way did Lance go?"  We both
simply pointed.

"You guys need a hand in finding him?" I asked.  Lance had been a good
friend over the last few days, but I really didn't know him well enough to have
any ideas about where he would go.

"If you want to, Chris doesn't look like he's even gonna speak to Scoop
again, let alone help us find him and Joey's busy trying to get Chris to
calm down." JC said matter-of-factly.

"He really blew didn't he" I half asked, half stated.

"Yeah, he rarely does this, especially within the group" came Justin's reply.
We all stood for a few seconds, caught up in our individual thoughts.

"Well we've given him a long enough head-start I think" Justin said suddenly.
JC and I agreed and we set off in the direction in which Lance had gone.

After a couple of twists and turns we had split up to cover all the
possibilities.  JC had headed off to the stage area and Justin was searching
the temporary offices and the like used by the various management and
record executives that accompanied the tour. I was busy getting lost down
some poorly lit corridor that was not being used tonight.  I turned a corner
to be confronted with a large metal double door.  I struggled with the
weight of it, but with a little persuasion I opened it.

"Oh shit!" I said out loud.  "He wouldn't have"  I found myself standing
outside the stadium away from the tour trucks, buses, and the car park.
In front of me was a short stretch of floodlit concrete then a chain-link fence
behind which the lights picked out the first few trees and then pitch black.
I quickly closed the door and ran back into the stadium.

"Hey, John!" I yelled as I ran towards the main backstage entrance
where I knew John, my bodyguard, would be along with all the other
main security people.

"Darren, what's up?" John said leaping to his feet.

"Nothing, I hope."

"What d'you mean?"  The rest of the security people in the room were now
paying attention.

"Lance..." I tried to start.

"What's up with Lance?" came the voice of Mike, the head of security
for N'Sync.

"There was an argument and he ran off, I think he may have left the
stadium" I managed to get out.

"Fuck!" John said whilst Mike barked instructions into his walkie-talkie.
Just then JC and Justin turned up.

"What's going on?" JC asked pulling me to one side.

"I think Lance may have left the stadium." I said.

"He'll be on the bus or something." Justin said.

"No, these guys would have seen him come through here if he went to
the buses.  But there's a door over on the other side that's away from
the car-park or the back-stage parking" I answered.

"Which way?" JC whispered pulling Justin and I closer.

"I'll show you." I whispered back.  I turned and began to walk back where
I just come from.

"You guys stay in your dressing rooms" Mike's voice commanded.
I nodded without stopping, as did Justin.  JC raised his hand in recognition.
We all managed to avoid saying that we would.

We walked quickly, stopping only so that JC could tell Joey where we were
going and to cover.

"How'd Chris look?" I asked JC I continued to lead them to the door.

"A little calmer I guess" came JC's answer, his voice betrayed how little
he actually cared.

We opened the door and stepped out onto the floodlit concrete.  The
chain-link fence was up at the top of a low, grassy slope after the concrete
stopped.  JC quickly scanned for people, be they security, fans or Lance.
Satisfied we were alone here he led us up to the fence and began to
climb over it.  Luckily it was only a couple of metres tall.  I landed on the other side
and stood up.  Justin and JC were already over.

"What now?" I asked staring out into the night trying to make anything out.

"We should try and stick together." Justin stated, also staring into the trees.

"Does everyone have their mobiles and each other's number?" JC asked.
Justin nodded.

"JC, we don't have each other's numbers." I said grabbing his phone and
typing my number into his memory before adding his number to mine.

"Right" JC said after I'd finished "Justin go left, Darren right, and I'll head
straight out.  Justin and I both said 'okay'  and we all split.

I was so ridiculously dark in amongst the trees that I could barely see
branches before I walked into them.

'This is really gonna mess up my clothes' was all I could think as thorn
bushes scrapped against my arms and legs, although I was happy that
I had changing into my jeans and thick jumper.  I tripped over a small
bush and landed on my front.

"Shit!  If my clothes weren't ruined they are now!"

I scrambled to be feet and carried on making sure to watch my step.
After a good ten minutes I looked up to see that I'd come to the edge
of the trees.  I was standing in the corner of a large field lit by the full
moon which had previously been blocked by the thick tree cover.

Scanning around I didn't see anyone.  I pulled out my mobile and dialled JC.

"Hey Darren, you found he?"

"No, I've left the trees though"

"I'm still wandering in them" JC replied.

"Yeah, I'm in the corner of a field.  It looks as though the trees carry on
around your side of it"

"Well if you can't see anything head back and carry on searching"

"OK" I said before hanging up.

I turned to walk short way along the edge of the trees before heading back.
Just as I stepped out if the moonlight I heard a loud thud.

"Fuck!" came a voice echoing through the trees.

"Lance!" I yelled.  "LANCE!"

My mobile rang, scaring the wits out of me.

"JC, I heard him."

"I'll ring you back" JC replied.  "Turn the ringer volume up and I'll follow it"
With that he hung up.

After a momentary silence my phone began to ring again.  I walked towards
where I had heard Lance, calling out his name.

"Darren?" came Lance's voice calling back.  His voice quivered slightly.

"Lance?  Where are you?!"  I yelled back getting worried.

"This way"

I began to run to Lance's voice.  Suddenly I was practically stepping on him.

He was lying on his side, curled up in such a way that he could hold his left
leg which was obviously hurt.

"What happened?" I asked as I knelt beside him.

"I tripped and fell.  I was trying to run away from where you were" Lance's
voice was heavy with a mixture of embarrassment and pain.  "Answer that
god damn phone please!"

"Oh shit, yeah!" I said hearing JC approaching.  I looked down to see where
Lance was injured.  "Let me have a look" I said gently moving his hands
out of the way.  He was only wearing shorts and his legs were all scratched
and cut.  Where his hands had been his leg was beginning to swell up.
JC's arrival was announced by what sounded like a bear attacking a tree
as he pushed his way into the tiny clearing were Lance had fallen.

"Fuck, Lance what happened?" JC asked, the anxiety evident in his voice.
JC knelt down on the other side to Lance than me and tried to help him sit.

"Arhh!" Lance called out in pain as he put pressure on his injured leg.

"Could be broken," I stated looking first at Lance and then at JC.  "Call
Justin, we need to get Lance back" I told JC.

"Hey!  I'm still here!" Lance said in mock indignation.

"Yeah, well if you hadn't have run so far we wouldn't be so lost" I returned
only half jokingly.  Worry was now setting in, here we were the three of us
lost in a small jungle it seemed with no way of navigating our way back out.
In fact I was so disorientated that In couldn't even remember the direction
of the field.

"Justin" JC said into his phone.  "We've found Lance"
"He can't walk... no we're completely lost, you?.. if you think you could...
we're over where Darren went... right that's correct... ring Darren's phone,
use the ring as a beacon... good luck"  with that he closed his phone.

"Justin's gonna try and find the place nearest to us by the stadium and
walk out to us."  Lance and I just nodded.  My phone began to ring again.
'God, I'm gonna have to change that tune!' I thought to myself.

After ten or fifteen minutes of the 'William Tell Overture' Justin finally
reached us and I turned off my phone in disgust.  We headed back;
JC and I supported Lance between the two of us whilst Justin retraced his
 footsteps back to the stadium.  Just as we reached the fence JC's phone
 began to ring.

"Hi... yeah I know, sorry... no Mike, we've got Lance... outside... we can't
 get him over the fence... sure" With that he hung up and turned to the rest of us.

"Mike's gonna come and get us.  Justin could you climb over the fence
and try to find him?"  JC said.  "He's real pissed off that us three
decided to 'play hero'."

"Yeah" Justin said as he began to climb over.

JC and I sat lowered Lance to the ground before sitting down ourselves.

"I'm sorry guys" Lance spoke up for the first time since we had began
to walk back.  "You've all got into serious trouble just to bring me back."

"Yeah, and if we hadn't you'd still be lying out there!" I replied, my anger
at Lance's actions beginning to eclipse my previous worry.

"They're this way" Came Justin's voice from the building.  JC and I
turned (Lance couldn't without help) to see Justin and a group of security
guys, including John, Mike and Dave (Chief of security for the whole tour).

"Fuck" JC whispered, "We're in some deep shit."

JC and I both stood up to attract their attention and soon the fence was
being cut open so that we could get Lance through.

"You should have been on stage 15 minutes ago!" John told me.

"It's not worth it John," Mike said, "we're gonna have to cancel tonight
anyway with Lance's leg in this state."

End of Part One.

As I said at the start, anyone with a constructive comment or who wishes
to help please e-mail me:
svsjr@hotmail.com

JJ