Date: Tue, 14 Dec 1999 19:43:34 CST
From: Matt Hunter <m_n_hunter@hotmail.com>
Subject: Search-and-Rescue-13

This is part thirteen of my continuing story.

First off, my new e-mail address is: m_n_hunter@hotmail.com.

Well, true believers, we finally got it out (the respective installments of
our stories, that is, so get your minds out of the gutter :)  It's been a
long time coming, and I can say with absolute certainty that every bit of it
is all my fault.

There have been no great tragedies in my life of late (with the notable
exception of having to get a new internet provider).  In respect to the
latter, any e-mail sent to me in the past few weeks was probably not
received.  If it was something that needed a reply, I'm terribly sorry, and
anyone can feel free to reach me at the new e-mail address.  Obviously,
things have been hectic, so I hope the delay wasn't too taxing.

I did make sure I remembered some of the names of readers who encourage me,
writers who inspire me, and friends who support me.  If I omitted any names,
I'm terribly sorry, my memory isn't what it used to be, but I'll try to do
better next time.  Without further ado, my eternal thanks to the guys (and
gals to be fair to my friends Lauren, Yuli, Rachel, et al.--ever notice some
of them seem to write better than the guys?) who keep me on my toes.  Matty,
Chas, Clive, Kevin, Denny, Drew, Jason, Lukas, MattVP, Tim, Tom, and Tonny:
you all are the best.  A special thanks to EG for his kind words and
insights.  If you've missed some of their own fantastic contributions to the
archive, take the time.  Some are wrapping up, others are just getting
started, but all are high points in my day.

Most know by now that DLS and I have shared this labor of love, and it's
been a sincere pleasure.  "Brian and Me" is a story that I wouldn't hesitate
to be a part of, even in some small way, so he does himself a great
injustice by letting me muck it up with my meager talents.  Besides being a
fantastic writer, he's one of my best friends, so I hope you enjoy the
collaboration.  He's been incredibly patient putting up with all the
mini-crises that have plagued me these last weeks, but we've finally managed
to get the tales to you.  Again, blame me for the delays.  On the upside, my
chapter is quite a bit lengthier than usual, so I hope you'll find enough in
there to make it worth the wait.

Having said all that, let me put in the mandatory disclaimer:  If you're
under age, go somewhere else.  If you don't, don't blame me.  If it's
illegal for you to be here, don't be.  You're the one that will pay for it.
If stories containing homosexuality offend you, how in the hell did you get
here, and more importantly, why are you *still* here?  If you break the
rules, don't tell me about it, because I don't want to know, and neither
myself nor the archive will take responsibility for your actions.  Finally,
this story is a work of fiction.  It does not attempt to imply anything with
regards to the sexual preferences of any member of 'N SYNC or the Backstreet
Boys.

Now that that's done, please enjoy the story.



	After parking the car, I grabbed some bags as Nate did the same.
While I fished for my keys in my pocket, he looked at me with an idea
forming in his head.

	"Do you mind hiding these things for me?" he asked.

	Okay, I wasn't sure what he was thinking.  There was something
about this guy that made it much harder for me to read, so I forced a
smile, "Waiting for Christmas?"

	He laughed as he followed me inside, "Not quite.  Though the
prospect of Brian having to walk around nude all week is appealing."

	I grinned, looking around to make sure no boyfriends were in
earshot.  "Officially, I have no comment on that.  Unofficially, I can
think of worse things to have happen in my home."

	He laughed as he closed the door behind him.  "But if I know Brian,
he's going to want to see what I got him right away.  Just thought I'd make
him sweat it out a bit.  And I want the first thing he sees to be that
first shirt I found."

	I saw a hint of a mischievous smile which laid to rest one
suspicion.  "I *knew* you couldn't have liked that thing."

	"Are you kidding me?  It's as ugly as hell, but I just have to find
out if I can guild him into wearing it."

	I smiled and took the bags.  "Hey, if you want to be seen with him
in that shirt, that's your business."

	He cringed, "I didn't say he was leaving the house in it."

	I heard laughter coming from the other side of the house, so I told
him to join them outside.  I assured him that I would hide his packages in
my room, but in truth, I didn't want that god-awful shirt anywhere near my
clothes.  I wasn't sure if ugly was contagious, but I wasn't all that sure
that I was willing to take that chance.

	Walking towards the back of the house, I dropped the contents of my
arms on the bed.  Quickly retrieving the Goldsmith's sack, I deposited the
bag-o-hideousness in the room where Kevin or Kathy had left Nate's things
before heading outside.

	I heard JC laughing, "Like it's worth doing that.  You're just
lucky someone as wonderful as Nate will put up with you."

	"Yeah, well at least mine's here.  Yours seem to have gotten lost
along the way," Brian teased.  "Maybe you're not as indispensable as you
thought."

	I came to JC's defense as I walked through the doors.  "Oh, he is."
JC turned to Brian and taunted him as I stood in front of him.  "So what do
you think?" I smiled at Nate, nodding towards Josh.

	I could see Nate think for a second, before he grinned, "Il est
tres charmant."

	"What?" JC asked him puzzled.

	"Don't tell him that," I smiled.  JC didn't know he'd just been
described as very charming, so I laughed and told Nate, "He'll get a big
head."  Moving closer, I whispered, "Il est moins cher qu'il ne pense."

	Nate's mind translated it quickly, and he grinned, "Brian, too." We
laughed, and Brian looked at him, poking him in the ribs.  "Brian too
what?"

	"Ca ne fait rien," Nate answered, kissing him and telling him it
didn't matter, but Brian pouted, "Quit it!"

	I was trying hard not to laugh, so JC wrapped his arms around me to
bolster my resolve.

	"So what did you get me?" Brian batted his eyelashes.

	Nate just smiled, "You'll just have to wait and see.  I'm not
telling."

	Brian kissed his hand, "Please?" He leaned in and kissed Nate's
neck, "Pretty please?"

	Kevin laughed, rolling his eyes in his head, "Like you're going to
be able to stand up against him.  You might as well give in now before he
makes the rest of us sick."

	I grinned as Nate pushed Brian's forehead back.  "Nuh uh.  I said
you're going to have to wait, and I meant it."

	Brian tried again, kissing the other side of his neck.  "Isn't
there anything that I can do to make you tell?"  To his credit, Nate shook
his head.

	Not sure I would have the same willpower, I leaned against JC and
had to ask, "Comment resistez-vous a la tentation?"

	Nate laughed and confirmed that it wasn't easy, "Ce n'est pas
facile!" He smiled at the scowling Brian and stroked his furrowed brow.
"Comme tu es jolie," he whispered.

	Brian laughed a warning, "You better quit while you're ahead.  That
last one seemed pretty good."

	I chimed in, "It was."

	JC prodded me in the back.  "How come you never say that to me?"

	I turned to face him and smiled, "I'm sorry.  I think you're very
pretty, too."

	I heard Brian's "Hey!" "Je suis vraiment desole.  Je ne le ferai
plus jamais," Nate laughed, telling him he was sorry and that he'd never do
it again.

	That just added fuel to the fire, and Brian laughed, "One more out
of you, and you're sleeping alone."

	"Rien ne lui plait," Nate whispered.

	I wasn't so sure that I agreed that nothing would please Brian.  I
think Nate himself was a pretty glaring exception, so I mentioned, "Sauf
toi."

	"J'espere bien," Nate admitted hopefully.

	Brian laughed and pushed Nate to the ground.  "That's it!  I warned
you!"

	Nate tried to climb back into Brian's lap.  "But I was talking to
Matt."

	Brian returned Nate to the deck.  "About me.  Now I better hear a
big 'excusez moi' or you're on your own."

	Nate looked at him innocently, but Brian was steadfast, "I don't
hear it."

	Conceding, Nate kissed his knee and sighed, "Excusez moi."

	Brian motioned to his knee, and Nate whispered, "Je t'aime," as he
joined him again.  Brian laughed, "Now that I understood."

	JC smiled at me mischievously after the display, "So what did you
bring me?"

	Rolling my eyes, I glared at Brian, "See what you started?"

	Brian held up his hands innocently with a "What did I do?" look.  I
was about to retort with some witty repartee, but I didn't need to.  Nate
went with the simpler approach and elbowed him in the gut, knocking the
wind out of him.

	"Merci beaucoup," I smiled.

	"De rien," he grinned.

	Kevin was staring at Nate and I with uncertainty.  "So what's with
the two of you?"

	"What?" Nate asked.

	"I've never heard you speak French before," Kevin answered.  "And
it doesn't look like Brian has either."

	Shaking his head, Brian confirmed, "I haven't.  Didn't even know
that he could."

	Kevin repeated himself, "So what gives?"

	Nate explained why he didn't speak French around them, primarily
because they wouldn't understand what he was saying.  He told them how we
discovered that we both spoke a little, at which point JC pressed his chin
against my shoulder.  "Where did you learn it?" he asked me.

	When I answered "France," JC seemed surprised.  He even probed
further to verify that I had been to France.  Okay, this Southern hick
thing was really starting to annoy me.  I grinned at Nate, "We covered that
already.  My father was stationed in Europe for a while, and we went back
for vacations.  I still go over every year."

	JC visibly hardened when I mentioned my father, but he just nodded.
He was trying very hard not to say anything, which I thought was sweet, but
I wasn't sure how long he would be able to remain silent.  Luckily, Brian
changed the subject and started with the same types of questions JC had
just posed to me.

	Nate pointed out the semi-obvious, but JC kind of latched on to the
fact that Nate was Canadian.  "I thought you were a fan?" Nate teased.

	JC laughed.  "Well, I liked your book, but didn't really figure
that we'd meet.  I didn't think I'd need to know your bio."

	Nate assured him that it was okay, and it was fairly uninformative
anyway, but I couldn't help but notice the change in his tone when he said,
"My past isn't really something that I care to have the whole world reading
about."

	Even if I had missed Nate's body language, Brian tensed and Kevin's
face tightened with worry.  I think Nate noticed, so he changed the subject
again.  "Speaking French is definitely not mentioned, considering that I'm
far from fluent."

	Kathy smiled, "Sounded pretty good to me."

	Nate appreciated the vote of confidence but pointed out that he was
hardly a native and very rusty.  Before the self-depreciation continued, I
told him that it wasn't that bad.  In truth, if he'd spent half the time
over there that I had, he'd be in good shape, and I told him so.

	Kathy smiled again.  "He doesn't look like he's going anywhere, or
even wanting to go anywhere."

	"That's just the way I want it," Brian gleamed.  "Though I can
think of one place that he wants to be."

	"Where's that?" Nate smiled, facing him.  "I'm pretty comfortable
right here." He and Brian exchanged a tender moment that I honestly think
they were unaware we were witnessing, so Kevin turned on the verbal hoses.

	"That's not it," Nate smirked, though his mind seemed elsewhere.

	Kevin must have caught it as well.  "Then what's going on?"

	Nate explained that it had something to do with his new book he was
working on and that Brian was remembering something for him.  He then
excused himself to do some work.  At JC's thoughtful suggestion, I started
inside to show him to the spare room their things were in.

	Brian urged Nate up with a conniving grin.  "And while you're
writing, I can check out the clothes that you picked up for me."

	Nate looked at him, apparently aware of what was going on in his
head, but he just smiled at Brian instead, "That's the only reason that you
reminded me of this in the first place, isn't it?"

	"I would have reminded you," Brian assured him.  "Maybe not right
away, but I would have."

	Nate smiled, obviously not buying the line Brian was feeding him.
"Well maybe you should just stay out here until I'm done."

	Brian stuck out his bottom lip.  Damn, this guy was cute when he
pouted.  "But I want to see what you bought."

	"And he doesn't want to be out of your sight," Kathy laughed.  "How
can you resist a face like that?"

	"It's not easy," Nate said again, this time in English.  "You can
come," he conceded, "but no distractions."

	I could hear Kevin whisper, "Good luck." Apparently, he should have
just said it aloud, because JC and Kathy started laughing.

	Brian ignored us and agreed.  "I'll just admire my new threads."

	I stepped inside, and I heard Kevin tell them that he had already
put Nate's computer and suitcase in the bedroom.  Opening the door, I
presented it with a minimal of flourish, "Here you go."

	"Thanks," they mimicked as they entered.  "No problem," I answered,
then grinning, "Oh, Nate, I left the one bag that you mentioned on the bed
as well.  The one that you wanted Brian to open first."

	Nate followed my gaze and laughed, "Thanks, Matt."

	"I'll get the others, and then head back to the porch.  You know
the way when you're done." I walked back to my room and retrieved the rest
of the things we'd bought for Brian, and when I brought them back, I found
the two of them kissing.  "Ahem," I cleared my throat.

	Nate blushed, "Sorry about that.  Got a little carried away."

	I smiled in agreement, "I know what it's like." Lifting the sacks
into view, "Does he get these now?"

	Nate rolled his eyes.  "I guess, but he still can't look in them
yet."

	I set the bags on the bed.  "Okay.  Give me a shout if you need
anything."

	"We will," Nate answered, flipping on the computer and apologizing
for disappearing for a while.

	I smiled.  "Like I said.  It's not a problem.  I'm sure we can
entertain ourselves for a little while.  This is obviously important to
you."

	He agreed.  "It's been bothering me ever since I wrote it."

	"Then fix it," I told him succinctly.  "I'll be able to tell people
that part of it was written in my house." I started to leave, but a thought
occurred to me.  "And if you need someone to come and drag the walking
distraction out of here for you, I'm sure Kathy would be more than happy to
oblige."

	"I think I can keep him in line," he laughed, "but tell Kathy to be
ready, just in case."

	"Will do," I smiled.  "See you two in a bit," I told them, shutting
the door behind me and walking back towards the patio.  I stopped in the
den when I realized that everyone had moved inside.


	JC was stretched out on the floor in front of the television, and
Kevin and Kathy were sitting on the couch.  I crawled down to the floor
with Josh and rested my head on his stomach.  He pulled one of the arms
from behind his head and began stroking my hair.

	"Aww, how cute," Kathy smirked.

	"Jealous?" I asked.

	"Maybe a little," she smiled at Kevin.

	"Aww," he mocked, pulling her against him.  I just watched them for
a few minutes, silently observing as they playfully teased one another.  It
was obvious that they cared about each other very deeply, even loved one
another, but Kathy's words repeated in my head.  You can love someone
without being in love with someone.  But try as I might, I just could not
figure out in which category they belonged.

	JC's breathing was even and calm, and the warm breeze on the back
of my neck told me that he was watching me watching them.  I wondered what
he thought of the two of them.  They seemed very natural together, but I
wasn't sure how.  In one instance, they were like JC and I, and in the
next, they were like Kathy and I.  Friends or lovers I couldn't tell, but
the smile on her face told me she knew, and she was content with it.

	Kevin was a lot of fun.  I liked him a lot, especially since he
seemed to embarrass easier than Josh or Nate.  Ironic that just his
relationship with Kathy, whatever it was, made me feel much closer to him.
We were both very much at ease with one another, for which I was thankful.
After Kevin said that he and the guys were taking me up on my offer for
them to visit, I was a bit nervous about how Nate and I would fit into the
equation with everyone else, since they knew one another.  Luckily, we all
seemed to be getting along fine.  Our personalities were such that we
almost felt like we were old friends.

	Sensing JC shifting uncomfortably beneath me, I turned away from
Kathy and Kevin to face him.  As expected, he was staring down at me.

	"Sweetie?" I cooed.

	"Yes, dear?" he answered in similar fashion.

	"Would you do me a favor?" I asked, leaning over to kiss him.

	"Anything," he smiled.

	"Then please go take a shower, because you stink," I elaborated,
biting my lip.  Kathy and Kev, however, didn't even make the attempt.  I
thought she was going to fall off the couch laughing.

	JC abruptly, if not entirely unexpectedly, stood, dropping my head
with an audible thud to the carpet.

	"Ow," I weakly laughed, rubbing my noggin.

	"Serves you right," he smirked.  After quick deliberation, he
added, "Unless, of course, you want to join me."

	"Can I get a rain check?" I asked hopefully.

	"Who says that was a standing offer?" he asked with an evil grin.

	A similar expression crept across my own face.  "If not, the couch
is gonna be awfully damn lonely."

	"You're no fun," he pouted.

	I fought the laughter, almost choking, "I think we've had this
conversation."

	He started laughing and turned down the hall.  I tore my attention
from him long enough to meet Kathy's questioning glance.  "Yes?" I
prompted.

	"Just surprised you didn't take him up on his proposition," she
admitted.

	"Proposition?  You make it sound like an indecent proposal," I
laughed.

	"Only if you're lucky," she smiled.

	"Kathy, honey?" I purred.

	"Yes, dear?" she answered, mimicking JC from earlier.

	Through my best smile came "Bite me."

	Without any hesitation, she asked, "Is that an invitation?"

	Expecting that very response, I answered, "No." Throwing my keys to
her, "But you can go to the store and pick up some ribs for me, so I can
barbecue tonight."

	"Okay," she conceded, "That's worth me getting off my ass."

	"Unfamiliar territory?" Kevin jumped in, having said nothing
through most of this conversation.

	Kathy immediately elbowed him in the gut.  "Come on, funny-man.
You're going with me."

	"No, he's not," I corrected.  They both shot me questioning looks.
"I think you can struggle through one trip to Kroger alone, and besides, I
want to get to know Kevin a little better."

	She started pouting, her bottom lip protruding.  I reiterated,
"Go." She pushed herself off of Kevin with a smile and headed for the
driveway.

	"So how well do you know the guys from 'N SYNC?" I asked.

	He thought about it for a second before answering, "Pretty well,
actually.  Most of us make our homes in Orlando, so we kind of move in the
same circles."

	"What about the animosity that everyone says is between you all?" I
wondered aloud.  I had been doing my homework, after all.

	"Animosity's not really the right word.  Professional rivalry's
probably a better description."

	I said nothing, but he could tell I was curious, so he elaborated,
"Both groups are very similar, and we appeal to the same market.  We don't
exactly have that long of a life expectancy in the limelight, and in light
of how fickle a large part of our fan base is, we're trying to make hay
while the sun shines."

	"What about all the issues all of you guys are having with your
management stuff?"

	"That's a little more complicated.  In honesty, their wanting to
switch to who represents us is kind of a conflict of interest in our eyes,
but that, in and of itself, is only a small part of it all.  We've been
having problems with our representation for a long time, and we actually
sort of took their cue in our timing.  Anything that comes of all this is
no reflection on how we view the guys as individuals, because they're all
great, and I'm glad I'm getting the chance to know both JC and you better.
I feel like you're family."

	"Same here," I assured him.  "Though Kathy hasn't been as
forthcoming with the information on you, her opinion carries a lot of
weight in my book, and your words and deeds speak very highly for you."

	He reddened at the compliment.  "Speaking of family, how are your
girls?"

	Snickering at his changing the subject, "They're horrible.  Really,
though, what could you expect from someone with me as a father and Kathy as
a godmother?"

	"I'd say you could expect a lot," he answered, and it was my turn
to blush.

	"Speaking of the terrible twosome," I began, changing the subject
back to the topic at hand, "they're having a dance later this week, and
they wanted all of you guys to come.  I realize what an imposition that is,
but I did promise I would ask."

	He smiled, "Well, I can't speak for Brian and Nate, but I, for one,
wouldn't miss the chance to see them again."

	"Again?" I asked, feeling like the woman people don't tell her
dress is tucked into her pantyhose.

	"Yeah, I've met them a few times," he confessed.

	"They didn't share that with me, but then again, I guess there's a
lot of that going around," I laughed, but the sound trailed off when I
thought of the weight of my own words.

	"I guess so," Kevin answered, obviously sensing a likewise deeper
meaning.  "But they're great.  I think a lot of them, and of you, for
raising them virtually alone, all things considered."

	"Thanks," I half-smiled, blushing again, but at the same time,
reading more into his statement, probably more than was there.

	"So how's Carrie?" I finally asked, again changing the subject.

	He looked at me puzzled for a split second before nodding, "I guess
it makes sense that she would have told you about her." He paused for a
moment, lost in thought, before answering, "She's great."

	"So tell me about her," I smiled.

	It felt awkward to him, that much was obvious, but he continued,
"Well, for starters, she's Nate's editor--that's how we met.  As you can
guess, we haven't known each other all that long."

	"What's she like?" I urged again.

	He thought about it for a minute.  "A lot like Kathy, but at the
same time, completely unlike her."

	I wasn't sure what he meant.  "How so?"

	He was having trouble explaining, but he tried to go on.  "I guess,
personality-wise, that's where they're different.  She's sweet and funny
like Kathy, but she's quiet and contemplative, too."

	"Quiet," I laughed, "is one thing I don't think Kathy's ever been
accused of."

	"No kidding," he laughed.  "The more I think about it, the more I
realize that the way they most remind me of one another is the way they
both make me feel."

	Even as stoic as I can be sometimes, that little self-discovery
kind of caught me off guard.  "Do you love her?" I asked, testing a theory.

	"Yes," he answered simply.

	"You don't even know which one I was talking about," I pointed out,
my suspicions confirmed.

	"It doesn't matter," he confessed.

	"I thought as much," I agreed.

	He smiled, understanding my meaning.  "Kathy is the one who decided
the relationship should end, not me."

	I stopped him before he got the wrong impression.  "I'm not passing
judgment here."

	"I know," he smiled, clarifying.  "From what Kathy's told me about
you, that's not really your style.  I was just trying to explain.  Sorry if
it came off defensive."

	I really liked this guy, and I could understand why Kathy cared so
much about him.  "Kathy still loves you.  A part of her always will." When
the words left my lips, I caught the double entendre in the statement, but
I shook it off before it showed in my face.

	"And I still love her.  Never doubt that, Matt.  She's been one of
the greatest loves of my life, and I would do anything for her.  As per her
instructions, however, I've closed the chapter in my life where we were
lovers, and after much time and difficulty, I'm finally moving on."

	My turn to go on the defensive.  "I'm happy for you, and so is she.
Never doubt that.  Kathy's almost thirty years old now, and after being
with her for half of that, I can tell you without any hesitation that she
would never stand in the way of your happiness."

	He just smiled, "Don't you think I know that?  The same qualities
you're describing are the ones I fell in love with in the first place.
I've just been lucky enough to find someone who I care about that way
again, and I hope she feels the same about me."

	I got up from the floor and joined him on the couch.  Patting his
leg, I assured him, "How could she not?"

	He blushed, and I started laughing.  "Damn, you should be a little
harder to embarrass after all that time with Kathy."

	He started laughing as well.  "You'd think I would be."

	"I think we got a little off track here," I digressed.  "I really
was just asking about you and Carrie."

	"I know," he reassured me, "and I appreciate it." We just kind of
sat there in an easy silence after that, perusing the channels for
something to watch.

	Kathy got back a little later, so Kevin and I helped her bring the
groceries to the kitchen.  I put the ribs in refrigerator, since I didn't
want to get started yet.  It would take a couple of hours, but from the
looks of things, we would all be up a while.

	We went back into the den to finish watching the movie Kevin and I
had gotten interested in, but I was slightly distracted when Nate and Brian
came back into the room.  I started laughing hysterically, and when Kathy
and Kevin saw the reason, they weren't far behind.

	Kevin could barely see through the tears.  "What the hell are you
wearing?"

	In Brian's defense, he seemed almost proud of the shirt of many
uglies when he announced, "Nate bought it for me."

	JC pushed past them and plopped down on the couch with me, his hair
still slightly dripping.  He really hadn't noticed the shirt when he came
in, but now, it was kind of hard to miss.  I gave up any attempts at
composure, "I can't believe he got you to put it on," I confessed.  "I
didn't think he would be able to do it."

	"What are you talking about?" Brian asked me, confused.  Wheeling
towards Nate, "What is he talking about?"

	Nate's attempt at a somber facade was as futile as it could be, and
when Brian saw the smile emerge on his face, the light bulb went off.  "You
didn't?" he asked Nate, full-knowing the answer already.

	Nate's resolve completely collapsed, and he burst into the laughter
that had already filled the room.  "I'm sorry, sweetie.  I just couldn't
help myself.  I had to see if I could get you to wear it."

	Brian pulled it away from his chest and stared at it.  "Of course I
would wear it.  I thought you liked it."

	Nate kissed him on the cheek, "That's sweet."

	Kevin, normally more reserved than the rest of us, didn't skip a
beat.  "You honestly thought Nate would pick something like that out?"

	"Well, he seemed to like it," Brian tried vainly to defend himself.
"I guess I underestimated how devious he is."

	Kathy wasn't about to let that one get away.  "Not to mention his
fashion sense.  Where on earth did you find that thing?"

	I jumped in, "Sales rack at Goldsmith's." Silently, I thought to
myself how it was no wonder it had made it to the sales rack.  "I thought
he was crazy when I saw him pick it up."

	Nate smiled at me.  "I saw the look on your face, but you deserve
an award for not saying anything about it.  I don't know if I would have
been able to do it if I had seen you buying it."

	Not quite sure how to take that, I shrugged, "I figured you knew
Brian better than I did, and anything would have been better than that
heavy shirt you wanted to get him first.  He would have boiled alive in
that thing."

	Nate almost seemed hurt, pouting he defiantly added, "But it was
such a great shirt.  All warm and snuggly.  Perfect for a fall evening."

	Brian was in a trance, staring at the nausea-inducing hypnotic
power of that shirt.  I thought Kathy was going to pee on herself, she was
laughing so hard, "A fall evening in Canada, maybe." Trying to slow her
laughter down enough to be more coherent, "We're still in T-shirt and
shorts weather, in case you hadn't noticed."

	Nate was making faces again.  "Well, it's not my fault that you
people live in unnatural warmth."

	Nate crawled over to the floor in front of Brian, but he wasn't
getting away from Kathy that easily.  "Just because we don't live in the
arctic!"

	"It's hardly the arctic," Nate had to laugh.  "You know, we even
have periods up there where there's no snow at all."

	'My turn,' I thought to myself.  "How do the dogs pull the sleds
through the grass?"

	Nate cut me an evil look.  "Yeah, yeah.  Now where's my mint julep?
And which one of the two of you is the southern belle?"

	Kathy and I immediately pointed at one another, and the whole group
just lost it.

	"Seriously, though," Nate added, trying to be more solemn, "it's
just too hot down here.  I finally had to leave LA for the same reasons.  I
miss the drastic temperature changes.  I miss the snow and the slush and
the ice."

	JC, who hadn't said much of anything thus far, laughed, "You're
nuts."

	"There's nothing better than being able to snuggle up in a blanket
with a good book and a hot cup of tea," Nate tried to rationalize to a room
full of people who either lived in Florida or Tennessee.  "You're all warm
while your nose and ears are cold.  It's perfect."

	"I don't think so," I guffawed.

	He smiled and looked at Brian.  "Ah, but when it's cold out, having
someone to cuddle with in bed becomes not only fun, but practical as well."

	Brian stroked Nate's hair, "Well, then it's a good thing that it's
warm, because after this shirt fiasco, you're not getting any cuddling for
a while."

	"Now you've done it," Kevin laughed.

	Nate just shook his head no, smiling, "He owes me."

	"I do?" Brian challenged with an unspoken 'do I' following his
question.

	Nate stared defiantly at the inverted face staring at him, "Yep.
Not ten minutes ago, we were upstairs, and you said that you would . . . ."

	Brian quickly caught the next words with the hand in front of
Nate's mouth.
  "I remember," he laughed.

	Kathy went to bitch-mode again.  "Well we don't," she smiled.  "He
said that he would what?"

	Nate was about to respond in some fashion, but Brian butted in, "I
said that I would smack him if he said another word."

	Nate just smiled, and Kathy was content with the answer for some
inexplicable reason.

	After we dried our eyes and our stomachs stopped hurting, I told
everyone that I would start dinner shortly, and asked them if they would
like for me to pick up some movies to watch.

	"Sounds good," Kevin smiled.

	"I'll go with you," Brian offered, shocking me, but shocking Nate
even more.  He whispered something to Nate as he stood, and Nate replied
something in a similar tone.  They continued the exchange for another
minute or so before Brian shook his head in defeat and finishing rising
above Nate, who wasted no time in stealing his chair.

	I noticed all of this from the corner of my eye, after JC had
followed me to the door.

	"Are you sure you don't want me to go?" Josh asked me, almost hurt.

	I squeezed his hand and kissed his cheek.  "Positive.  If you're
with me, you'll just distract me, being the cute distraction that you are."

	He seemed content with that and just smiled at me.  Turning to look
at Brian and Nate, I almost laughed at an unspoken absurdity in the way new
lovers behaved with one another.  I guess we were all thinking something
similar, so I pushed Brian out the door.  "Be back soon," I announced,
closing the door behind me.


	"So where're we going?" Brian asked eagerly, jumping into the
passenger seat.

	"You know, you're not in the land of Nanuk of the North anymore," I
laughed.  "If we're getting movies, I figure Blockbuster is a safe bet."

	"No wonder Nate likes you," he smirked.  "You two smart asses were
cut from the same cloth."

	"I don't know," I countered defiantly.  "I like to think I'm one of
a kind."

	Rolling his eyes, "And I like to think I'm the sexiest man alive,
but I think the both of us are due for a reality check."

	"I know a few million people who just think you are so adorably
cute they just want to scream," I reminded him.  "Not to mention a few
people under my roof who think you're sexy as hell."

	"So you and Nate did talk about me?" he smiled, trying his
damnedest to pretend that this adulation wasn't about to embarrass him to
death.

	"We thought about you long enough for him to buy that god-awful
shirt," I reminded him.

	"That reminds me, I'll get you, my pretty," he threatened in his
best imitation.  "You and your little cohort, too."

	I bit my lip.  "Not tonight, dear.  I have a headache.  Maybe Nate
will be in the mood for you to get him."

	He turned a deep crimson.  Kathy had taught me well.  "That's not
what I meant," he challenged.

	"Save it for the judge, you little perv," I hurled.  "Besides, my
boyfriend might have to kick your ass if you don't stop picking on me."

	"Oh, please.  Skinny?  I could take him with one hand tied behind
my back."

	"You like it kinky, huh?" I teased, milking this exchange for all
it was worth.  "Does Nate know about this little fetish?"

	"I hate you," he scowled.

	"No, you don't.  You want me," I continued.  "That's why you wanted
to come with me.  You thought you could get me alone and take advantage of
me."

	We'd moved on to maroon.  "I just wanted to get to know you
better," he said innocently.

	Okay, now I felt guilty.  "I'm sorry, Brian.  I was just playing
with you."

	An evil grin broadened across his face.  "Does JC know you like to
play around with strange men?"

	He shoots, he scores, but I was far from unarmed in this battle of
wits, or half-wits, depending on your perspective.  "And they don't come
much stranger than you, do they?"

	He sulked when he realized he had made it so easy that I didn't
need to try.  "Okay, okay.  You've got me."

	Oh, no, he was not getting out of this that easily.  "I thought
we'd already established that I didn't want you.  Try the Canadian.
Judging by that shirt you're wearing, he's got lower standards--much
lower."

	Brian glanced down at the shirt.  "Oh, good grief.  I forgot I was
still wearing this tacky thing.  I meant to change before we left."

	"What?  Change into someone with some fashion sense before we left
the land of good taste?"

	"I didn't pick this thing out!" he shouted.

	"No," I laughed, "but you did pick out the thing that picked that
thing out.  What does that say about you?"

	It honestly took him a second to process that, but when he did, I
could see in his eyes that this battle was far from over.  Unfortunately
for him (or fortunately), we pulled into the parking lot of the video store
before he could retort.

	He pulled on his hat and sunglasses before we went into the
building.

	"Brian, honey, it's dark outside.  If you're trying not to stand
out, I have a few words of wisdom for you."

	"Oh, yes, fount of useless information, enlighten me," he smirked.

	"Oh, yeah, you blend," I proceeded in my best Brooklyn accent.

	He rolled his eyes again, but bowing to my superior reasoning, he
took off the sunglasses and just pulled the hat lower.

	"So what are we looking for?" he asked as we started staring
aimlessly at the new releases shelves.

	"Depends on what you guys' tastes are," I answered, and immediately
realized how he could twist that.  "And if one off-color remark comes out
of your mouth, I'm going to slap the shit out of you."

	He just smiled, "Bitch."

	"And don't forget it," I snapped at him, working my neck as I said
it.  I thought he was going to lose it.

	We suffered through the endless amount of boxes for the either
uninteresting or unavailable new releases.  "Now what?" he asked.

	"Wanna pick out some older movies?" I shrugged.

	"Sure," he answered, apparently much less talkative in public than
one-on-one.

	"What are you in the mood for, and for God's sakes, keep it
G-rated?" I asked with a smile.

	"Drama," he answered, trying not to put anything more into it
before he would completely lose restraint.

	"Oh, there's a stretch, you queen," I laughed, pushing him towards
the drama section.

	We started alphabetically, and as we made our way through the A's,
we started our own little "Men on Film" critique.  Vasillating between
"Loved it" and "Hated it."

	We made it through most of the B's in much the same way, until one
caught his attention.  "What about this one?  It's appropriate, don't you
think?"  he smiled.  When I saw the title, it took my breath away.

	"Brian's Song?" I mumbled barely audibly.  It was definitely
appropriate.

	"Yeah," he confirmed, apparently still able to hear me.  "I always
liked this movie, but it's kind of sad."

	"I know," I answered absentmindedly.  I needed to talk to JC soon.

	"If you don't like it, we can get something else," Brian offered,
apparently sensing more than I gave him credit for.

	"No," I answered, shaking myself back to reality.  "If you want to
get it, then that's what we'll get," I smiled.

	"Good.  I'll get that one for me.  Let's see what else we can
find."

	We wandered around a bit longer before we picked out the next
movie.  In truth, Brian was picking out the movies.  I was distracted, and
that fact wasn't lost on Brian.  On more than a few occasions, he asked if
I was okay.
  I assured him that I was, but he wasn't convinced.  What was with
everyone being so damned perceptive?

	He had picked out another movie, "Dead Poets Society." He said he
thought Nate would appreciate it.  I just smiled at his rationales for his
selections and said nothing.

	We walked around some more, and Brian picked out a couple more
movies.  I honestly wasn't paying much attention to the first selection,
but I had to smile when he said he'd picked out the second movie for me.  I
saw the words "Gross Anatomy" printed across the box.

	"I'm not sure how to take that," I laughed.

	"I meant because it was a medical thing," he snarled.

	"I know.  I'm teasing," I assured him.  "It's a good movie."

	"I haven't seen it," he confessed.

	"It's a good mix of comedy and drama."

	"Do you want to get it?" he asked.

	"Fine with me," I smiled.  I was glad Howie wasn't here to see it.
Like every other movie Brian had picked out thus far, it would have hit
close to home.

	I guess I was lost in thought again when I heard him say, "No
talent hacks."

	If he was trying to grab my curiosity, he'd succeeded.  I looked
over at his shit-eating grin with understanding when I saw the 'N SYNC
video in his hand.

	My divine inspiration came in the form of a certain cartoon rabbit
dancing across the screens which constantly flashed scenes from various
videos.  The words echoed through my head with laughter.  "Of course you
know, this means war."

	Perveying the scene, I couldn't believe my luck.  One of the
cashiers, a young girl probably still in high school, was singing along
with "I Want It That Way" on the radio at the checkout.  Perfect.

	Slipping away from Brian, I began, "Excuse me, ma'am?"

	"Yes, sir, can I help you?"

	"That gentleman in back there dropped a tape and broke it, but he
just put it back on the shelf."

	The look on her face told me she had taken the bait--hook, line,
and sinker.  She walked over to Brian.  "Sir, I think we may have a
problem," she tapped him on the shoulder.

	Completely unaware, he spun around to face her.  When she saw his
face, the recognition was instantaneous.  I marveled at the desired effect.
She went ballistic.

	"OH, MY GOD!" she screamed.

	Still stunned like a deer in headlights, he turned to me for
answers, but when he saw my face, he understood.  She ranted and raved for
a good ten minutes.  Luckily for Brian, there were only three people in the
store besides ourselves.  Brian graciously signed autographs in exchange
for their silence about his presence in town.

	"Do you really think it's going to stay a secret that you're here?"
I asked him as we headed towards the front of the store.

	"Not a chance," he smiled.

	"Good," I smiled in return.  He looked at me questioningly, so I
continued, "Well, Nate's already been linked to Nick, so maybe they'll say
you and I are an item.  It'll help my rep."

	He just smirked, "I don't think either of our boyfriends would
approve."

	"Isn't love worth the risk?" I purred.

	"You're incorrigible."

	"I thought I was encourageable," I replied.

	"I don't even think that's a word," he rolled his eyes as we set
the movies on the counter.

	The same little checkout girl was stuttering and stammering, trying
to ring up the movies, but she wasn't having much luck, so another cashier
came out from the back.  She was probably about my age, and she had put a
lot more holes in her head than the good Lord intended.  She either didn't
recognize Brian or simply didn't care.

	"Did you lose a bet?" she asked Brian.

	He looked confused again until she motioned towards the shirt.
Brian and the other salesgirl were turning beet red, and I was absolutely
about to fall out laughing.  After she gave us our total, Brian threw a
twenty onto the counter, apparently not satisfied with how fast I was
moving.  He pushed me out the door, grabbing the movies and following
quickly behind.

	"That was mean," he sulked after we climbed into the car.

	"But well-deserved," I pointed out.  "Not to mention funny as
hell."

	"A little funny," he admitted.

	Deciding to forgo the obvious size joke, I got serious on him.  "So
why exactly did you want to tag along?"

	"I was serious when I said I wanted to get to know you better."

	I decided to take that as a compliment, but I couldn't help but
chuckle, "You probably wish you hadn't now."

	"No regrets whatsoever," he smiled.  "You and Nate seem like you
have a lot in common, and Kathy and Kevin think the world of you."

	I smiled, trying to fight the color rising in my cheeks again.
"Kathy's a little biased, but I appreciate the sentiment from Kevin.  I
think a lot of him myself."

	"He's great.  My best friend, as a matter of fact," he continued
smiling.  "He's stuck beside me through a lot of rough times."

	Not wanting to pry, I just nodded before proceeding.  "I read about
the charity you founded after your surgery."

	"Yeah," he answered nonchalantly.  "I've been blessed in my life.
I felt like I should try to give other people a chance to feel the same
way."

	"Noble aspiration," I commented, then changing the subject again,
"So tell me about you and Nate."

	He smiled at the very subject.  "Well, I guess he's probably told
you the specifics.  I love him; other than that, I don't what there is to
say."

	"That says a lot," I assured him.  "I can tell he feels the same."

	"I hope so," he half-smiled.  "It just feels like there's a part of
him I'll never see, much less understand, even though he's shared so much
of his life with me."

	"I can relate," I said absentmindedly, and Brian turned to look at
me.  I snapped back to the topic at hand and saw his eyes probing me.

	Sensing my discomfort, he switched gears.  "What about you and JC?"

	"Well," I began, "we met with a bang, and since then, I guess you
could say it's been something of a whirlwind romance."

	"You seem like you've known each other forever."

	"Funny.  I was thinking the same thing about the two of you," I
smiled.

	I could tell something was running through his mind, so I asked him
flatly, "What are you thinking?"

	He looked at me surprised for a moment before answering, "I was
just wondering, since you're on the other side, if a relationship with
someone like us is really worth it."

	I sighed, not really expecting that.  I thought about it for a
moment.  "Is it worth it to you?"

	"I want your opinion," he dodged.

	"Just answer my question, and I'll answer yours."

	He smiled.  "Yes, it is.  I'd give anything to spend the rest of my
life with him."

	It was nice to see how easily the words came.  "And what makes you
think we're any different?"

	He just stared at me, obviously caught of guard in much the same
way I had been moments earlier.  His face brightened, and he mouthed,
"Thank you."

	I shook my head.  "Thank you."

	"For what?" he asked.

	"For reminding me why," I smiled.

	He wasn't following, but he returned my smile anyway as we pulled
into the driveway.  As we walked through the door, Brian pounced into
Nate's lap, wrapping his arm around him.  I saw that infamous "oh, brother"
look from not just Kathy but Kevin as well before the whole room erupted in
laughter.

	Brian had that confused look again.  "What's so funny?" he demanded
of Nate.

	"Nothing, really.  These two were giving JC and I a hard time for
being so much in love, and then we got to talking about how Kevin's always
hitting on me."

	As interesting as this conversation was, I had to feel for Kevin,
who was shifting uncomfortably when he winced, "Don't start that again."

	Brian wasn't exactly rousing with family support.  Rolling with
laughter was more like it.  "Did you tell them about the naked wrestling
this morning?"

	Nate just smiled.  "Yep.  Of course he blamed it on me."

	"Of course," Brian replied.  "I seem to recall you being dragged
out of my arms, though."

	"See?" Nate asked with hands raised.

	I could see something sinister behind Kevin's eyes.  "Well as long
as we're talking about such things, I seem to recall a certain writer
friend of mine who was quite excited about meeting JC here," Kevin grinned.
"I believe his exact words were 'He's that dreamy guy who used to be on the
Mickey Mouse Club.'"

	JC turned his attention from me to Nate.  "Is that so?"

	Nate shot Kevin a hard look but tried to shrug it off.  "You must
know that you're attractive," he told JC.  "You've got people telling you
that all the time."

	JC smiled, "Well, you're no slouch yourself, you know.  If I wasn't
taken, I might just give Brian a run for his money."

	I raised my eyebrow with an unspoken "Oh, really" when Nate said,
"That could be interesting."

	"He also likes Lance," Brian added, apparently trying to make sure
JC didn't get any ideas.

	Nate laughed when JC responded, "Well, who doesn't?" I turned my
gaze towards Josh.  "Well, he is pretty cute" was my reward.

	Nate saved JC from me when he changed the subject.  "Enough of my
little crushes."

	"See what it's like?" Kevin smiled.

	I had to laugh, but that just called Nate's attention to me.  "Oh
no, you don't.  You're not getting out of this so easily."

	Uh-oh.  I had a good idea where this was going.  "What are you
talking about?"

	Nate's grin widened.  "Seems to me that I heard a certain unnamed
host of ours commenting to Kathy earlier today about Kevin's ass."

	JC leaned forward with interest.  "Oooh."

	I did not know I'd said that loud enough for Nate to hear, and the
expression on my face probably conveyed that very message.  Kathy was
thoroughly amused by the dumbfounded looks shared by Kevin and I.

	Brian tried to save me, I think.  "Don't worry about it too much,
Matt.  Nate says stuff like that all the time."

	Kevin's face went whiter still, at which point Nate delivered the
killing stroke . . . "Oh stop gawking.  You're hot and you know it."

	We all concurred, each of us driving the knife just a little bit
deeper.  Brian sat uncharacteristically quiet, a fact not lost on any of
us.  "Don't look at me.  He's my cousin."

	Nate added that he found Kevin attractive again, and JC agreed
smiling.

	"We know," Kathy laughed.  I knew where this was going.

	"What?" Damn, Josh, you just walked into it.

	"You're the one who asked about his girth."

	Even I couldn't believe she'd actually said it aloud, and the
exchange just went downhill from there.  I decided to be the dutiful
boyfriend, and chime in, "I don't know if I like the roving eye at all." My
mistake.

	"You were checking out his ass," JC added, happy to be shifting the
focus from him.

	"And what about staring at that clerk in the Abercrombie & Fitch?"
Nate offered.

	Josh smiled, "What clerk would that be?"

	Great, the team attack.  "I wasn't staring." Needless to say, the
cheap shots kept on coming, though in all honesty, I wouldn't have let them
slide either.  I tried to drag Nate down with me.  He tried to feign
ignorance, but Brian wasn't buying.  He and JC pretty well agreed not to
let Nate and I out without supervision so we would behave.  Kevin had to
throw in a jab at the shirt as well.

	That reminded me.  "You should have seen the girl at the video
store when she saw him, and then saw that shirt," I laughed.  Brian smiled,
though obviously embarrassed.

	We were all very at ease with one another.  We learned how JC,
Brian, and Kevin got into the music business.  We talked about Nate's
writing.  We relived some of the past between Kathy and Kevin.  They asked
me about nursing.  We didn't solve any earth-shattering issues, but it was
fun.

	I started clutching my stomach in agonizing laughter.

	"What?" Kathy demanded, obviously annoyed that she wasn't privy to
the joke.

	"Just thinking," I smiled.

	"Spill," Nate barked.

	I shook my head resolutely, so Brian smiled, "JC, is there anything
you can do about him?"

	"I'll try," he smiled.  He started chewing on my ear, and he lifted
the back of my shirt so he could rub my back.  Kevin was a little
embarrassed, but everyone else watched on in amusement.  "Is there
something you want to tell me, sweetheart?"

	I pursed my lips and rolled my eyes.  Leaning over to kiss him, I
smiled, "Okay, you win."

	JC leaned back and pulled me into his arms, very pleased with
himself.  "So talk."

	"I was just thinking about all the people in the world who'd sell
their eyeteeth to be a fly on the wall at this moment."

	Kathy laughed when the realization hit her.  "Yeah, the two divas
and their bitches." That line garnered hard looks from all of us but Kevin
who was just smiling.

	"Not to mention an ex-girlfriend and discussions of sex, girth, and
bad taste," Nate offered.

	I frowned when I read more into that statement than what was there,
and Kevin saw it in my eyes.  He tossed a pillow squarely at my head, but
seeing it coming, I dodged, letting JC take the brunt of the blow.

	I noticed the time.  Patting JC on the leg, I remarked, "If we're
going to eat tonight, I'd better do something about it now." JC was about
to get up to come help me, but I shook my head, telling him to stay and
enjoy himself.
  "You on the other hand," I raised my voice to Kathy, "have embarrassed
enough people today, so you are going to help me."

	She stuck out her bottom lip like a chastised child and
begrudgingly stood.
  Kevin was going to do the same, but I told him it was his vacation and I
wouldn't hear of it.  He looked at Kathy as if to say, "I tried," but she
just smirked at him.

	Kathy and I went to the kitchen, and I started for the
refrigerator, where Kathy should have put the meat.  I stuck my head in
after I was unable to find what I was searching for.  Kathy goosed me, and
startled, I almost knocked myself out.  Withdrawing angrily like some
wounded animal, I spun to face her.

	"You said you were going to do ribs tonight, right?" she asked
innocently.

	Quelling my building rage, I nodded, so she smiled and motioned
towards the stove.  My anger had passed, and I returned her smile
sheepishly when I realized that she had already saved me over an hour's
work getting them ready for the grill.

	"Thanks," I conceded.

	"Welcome," she grunted in some voice between caveman and Valley
Girl.  "The grill's fired up, too."

	Defeated, I nodded and grabbed the pot while she started on the
vegetables and headed outside.  I squeezed through the partially-open patio
door.

	I smiled, "Okay, I know Brian and Kevin are kind of Southern, but
if you get more than a hundred miles out of Memphis, people just don't know
how to barbecue, so tonight, I'm going to treat you with my famous ribs."

	JC looked at me with tears in his eyes.  "How could you?"

	Confused, I told him, "I'm sure I can find something else if you
don't want ribs."

	Knocking the pot from my hands and spilling its contents to the
ground, he shouted, "Do you really think I'm talking about the God-damned
ribs?"  Shaking his hands in frustration, he stormed into the house.

	I had absolutely no idea what that was about, so I looked around,
hoping someone could fill me in on what I had apparently missed.  Nate and
Brian had that deer-caught-in-headlights look.

	"Matt, I'm sorry," Kevin began, almost in tears before me.  "I
think I told him more than you wanted him to know." I sighed in
understanding.  "I'm so sorry," Kevin repeated as a tear rolled down his
cheek.

	I smiled and pulled him into a hug.  "Don't be," I reassured him.
"I was looking for a way to tell him.  You just saved me the trouble and
told him what I was going to anyway." He tried to smile, and I patted him
on the shoulder.  Funny, I wasn't mad or shocked or anything.  I was almost
relieved.

	"Stay here," I told them, smiling, "I'll order something when I get
back."

	When I walked back into the house, Kathy was standing there
dumbfounded with a potato in one hand and a knife in the other.  "What the
hell was that about?"

	"Kevin let it slip," I explained succinctly.

	Her jaw dropped.  "Matt, I'm so sorry.  I had no idea he would say
anything.  I told him long before you and JC got together."

	"I know, hon.  It's okay, really, but if one more person apologizes
to me, I'm going to lose my religion.  Right now, I need to find him.
Where is he?"

	"He went charging out the front door.  Let me wash my hands, and
we'll go look."

	"No," I told her, grabbing my keys from the table, "you stay and
order some pizzas or something.  I have a pretty good idea where he is."


	I quickly retraced my steps, and I was surprised at how much ground
he had covered in such a short time.  Parking the car, I stuffed my hands
in my pockets and headed for the swings.  As expected, JC was
absentmindedly rocking back and forth.  I could tell he had been crying,
but when he heard me approaching, he tried to smile at me.

	"I'm guessing that little scene I caused is why you didn't want to
tell me," he stated, staring off into space.

	Taking the swing next to him, I felt a tear streak down my cheek.
I reached over and took his hand.  Thankfully, he didn't resist.  "I didn't
want to tell you because I'm a coward."

	He looked at me intently, caressing the back of my hand with his
thumb.  "How can you say that?"

	"Because it's true," I admitted.

	"You're a twenty-six year old single father of two who's had to
overcome death and your own terminal illness, so how do you figure that
makes you a coward?" he demanded.

	"Because I am scared to death," I cried.

	"Of the cancer?"

	Shaking my head, I realized the answer wasn't that simple.  "Of
everything.
  Of not being a nurse, of having cancer again, of falling in love, of
losing you, of you losing me, of leaving my children orphans--you name it."

	I hadn't noticed how hard I was crying, but he did.  He pulled me
out of the swing and hugged me like he was never letting go.  I continued
crying into his shoulder as he massaged my neck.  I looked up at his face.
"I'm sorry.  I should have told you sooner."

	He smiled down at me and wiped the tears from my face.  "Yes, you
should have.  You're not in this alone."

	"I'm finding that out more and more," I admitted.  "I guess as long
as the test results weren't back, I could deny what I know is true."

	We walked over to a bench.  I sat and pulled my knees against my
chest.  Josh sat behind me and wrapped his arms around me.  I was concerned
for a moment that someone might see us, but looking in his eyes, I knew he
could care less.

	"I had . . . have . . . Hodgkin's Disease." I paused, making sure I
was ready to continue.

	"What is that? I mean . . . ," he quickly added, thinking he'd
stuck his foot in his mouth.

	I patted his shoulder.  "I know what you mean." I swallowed hard
and explained.  "It's a lymphoma, a cancer of the immune system.  Because
of the anatomy of the body, it can spread virtually anywhere."

	I could hear him starting to cry, "And you think it's already
spread?"

	"I don't know," I admitted, squeezing his hand.

	"Then how . . . ," his voice trailed off.

	"The symptoms," I answered his unfinished question.  "I've lost
close to twenty pounds in the last few months, and the fever and the night
sweats you know about."

	He reluctantly nodded, and I continued, "I had what they call Stage
IIIB Hodgkin's Disease.  The B part means I had those symptoms.  The three
represents the pattern in which it spreads."

	"How do they treat it?" he asked, concerned.

	"It depends on the staging and how they treated me before.  I do
need the test results back before I'll know exactly what's going on?"

	He gently stroked the back of my neck with his fingertips.  "How
did you beat it before?"

	"Radiation and chemotherapy."

	"Was that bad?" he cringed.

	"Honestly, as bad as I felt," I remembered, "the worst part was the
nausea.
  I was so sick to my stomach.  In addition to the weight I lost before I
found out I was sick, I lost about another fifty pounds."

	"Jesus," he exclaimed, "you must have looked horrible."

	"I did," I agreed.  "They had to feed me intravenously." I could
see the comprehension in his face when I looked over my shoulder.  As
serious as this conversation was, I almost laughed at him tensing up at the
thought of a needle.

	"How long did it take you to get better?" he asked, brushing his
fingers through my hair.

	I craned my neck backwards and kissed him under his jaw.  "That's
kind of a loaded question.  It took a few months before the cancer went in
remission, but it was well over a year before I had any semblance of a
normal life."

	"When did you go through all this?" he asked, obviously starting to
do the math.

	"When I was eighteen," I explained.  "I was in my second year of
college at Harvard."

	His tears intermittently dripped from his chin, but for the most
part, he was taking all of this in stride.  I was glad, because I was able
to draw strength from him.  He ran his arm down the front of my chest and
lackadaisically played with the hair on my chest.  "How did you get through
it?"

	"A little faith and luck and a lot of support from my friends," I
smiled.

	He bent around in front of me.  "You said your friends.  What about
your family?"

	That one hurt.  "My mother died of breast cancer a year earlier,
and when my father found out that he might lose someone else to cancer, he
decided it was easier to not stick around."

	"Asshole," Josh muttered before something dawned on him.  "Where
were the girls?"

	"With Ashley's folks," I told him.

	Another thought was emerging.  "You said friends.  I'm guessing
Kathy, but you didn't know Scott yet." I could see what he was getting at,
and I smiled, thinking he missed his true calling as a detective.

	"You're right, I didn't," I confessed.  "My best friend from high
school was Rich, so he was there for me." I thought about it for a moment
before adding, "At first, anyway."

	Josh was staring at me in silence, but I could see he wasn't going
to let this go.  "When I was diagnosed and my father left, I was at an
all-time low point in my life.  Some things happened, and Rich and I wound
up becoming romantically involved."

	"What happened?"

	"After I started getting better, he left for college.  Everytime I
tried to get in touch with him after that, I missed him, until finally, I
got a 'Dear John' letter saying he'd made a mistake."

	"I'm sorry," Josh mouthed.

	I pulled his mouth onto mine and kissed him.  "I'm not," I smiled.
"Not anymore." Josh looked at me utterly confused.  "Because if he and I
were still together, I would have never known what it was like to love
you."

	He smiled and hugged me so tightly I could barely breathe.  "How do
you do it?"

	I cocked an unsure smile back at him.  "Do what?"

	"Stay so strong," he mused.

	"Strong?" I guffawed.  "I'm not, not really.  It's kind of like I
don't have much of a choice.  You and Kathy are the strong ones for wanting
to stand beside me through it all."

	He kissed my forehead before pushing me off of the bench.  "Who
said we had a choice either?"

	I jumped onto him in a piggyback position.  He braced himself and
managed to carry me without falling to his knees and taking both of us to
the ground.  I chewed on his earlobe and reassured him in a whisper, "It's
not all doom and gloom, you know.  As far as cancers go, this one's the one
to have.  It's the most curable and has the best survivability rates." As
soon as I said it, I wished I could have taken it back.  For one brief
instant, we had gotten to point where we weren't thinking about it, and I
knew all too well from experience that moments like that are few and far
between.

	I dropped to my feet again and stopped him.  He turned to face me,
and when he did, I caught him completely off guard by picking him up around
the waist and throwing him over my shoulder.  "Come on, Skinny, we've got
company waiting on us," I laughed.  He rolled his eyes but caved in anyway.


	Riding back to the house in silence, it was very odd.  It wasn't so
much uncomfortable, so to speak, as it was just awkward.  We would smile at
one another, and we would hold hands, but I could tell that, ultimately,
something had changed.

	When we got back to the house, Kathy and the guys were chowing down
on pizzas.  JC climbed into the floor in front of Kev and Kathy.  By some
unspoken agreement, no one really talked about it, though I knew it was on
their minds.  I wasn't really sure how I felt about that.  I assumed Kathy
and Kevin had filled them all in on the details, so for once, I knew I
wouldn't have to hold my cards so close to my chest.

	I threw my keys on the table and went into the kitchen to fix Josh
and I something to drink.  "Anybody want anything while I'm up?"

	Assorted nays came in answer, but Kevin walked into the room as I
was about to leave with the glasses.  Spilling one down my shirt, Kevin's
head just fell.  "I'm not exactly endearing myself to you at this point, am
I?"

	Grabbing a towel, I wasn't really looking at him, instead trying to
dry my shirt before it stained.  "Don't be ridiculous, Kevin.  I told you
everything's fine."

	His eyes were glassing over when he asked, "Why don't I believe
you?"

	I smiled at his concern.  "Kev, I told you.  I'm not mad at you,
JC's not mad at you, and JC's not mad at me."

	"Are you sure?"

	"Positive," I assured him.  "Let me fix another drink, and we'll go
watch a movie" He smiled and left the room, so I replaced what had been
spilled.  Just before I was about to walk out, Kevin returned with a shirt.
From the size, I guessed it was one of his own.

	"Granted, it's lacking the personal statement made by Brian's
shirt, but at least it's dry," he smiled.  Surprisingly touched by the
gesture, I took the shirt and put it on while he took JC's drink out to
him.

	"What are we watching?" I asked as I entered the room.  Taking my
place beside JC in the floor in front of the couch, I grabbed a piece of
pizza and smiled when Brian answered, "The one I picked out for Nate."

	"For me?" Nate batted his eyes.  Brian just smiled at him.

	I could hear a muffled "Oh, brother" coming from Kevin, who was
sitting behind me, so I looked back at him, "No, he's your cousin." Kevin
reached forward and thumped me on the top of the head.  Turning to JC for
aid, "He's picking on me."

	JC just grinned.  "Don't look at me.  I would have done it if he
hadn't."

	Nate enjoyed the tables being turned.  "Looks like someone else
won't be getting any tonight."

	JC never took his eyes off me.  "We'll see about that." Pardoning
the pun, he apparently thought he was up to the challenge.

	As the movie began flashing across the screen, I realized how
little I remembered about this movie.  I enjoyed it, that much I
remembered, but that wasn't saying much, since I couldn't think of many
Robin Williams movies I didn't like.  We continued stuffing our faces
throughout the movie, but I noticed Nate conspicuously picking at his food
when the movie got to a part in the movie I had almost forgotten about.  My
mind was reeling, but apparently, so was Nate's.

	After the movie, most everyone was getting ready for bed since it
was so late.  I told JC to go on to the bedroom and that I would be there
in a minute after I cleaned up.  Kevin helped me to my feet before kissing
Kathy on the cheek and telling her goodnight.  I was picking up the pizza
boxes when I noticed Nate was sitting there uncharacteristically quiet.  He
must have felt my scrutiny, because he walked out to the patio with Brian
not far behind.

	I set the trash down and followed to check on Nate.  I poked my
head out the door, not wanting to intrude.  "Guys . . . ," I began but cut
myself off when I saw Nate beginning to sob into Brian's chest.  Brian was
rubbing small circles into his back.  "What's wrong?" I asked.

	Brian wasn't sure, as evidenced by the helpless shrug he gave me.
I walked out onto the patio and shut the door behind me.  "Nate?" I posed
gently.  When I got no response, I asked again, "Nate?  What is it?"

	Brian seemed as clueless as I was, but something told me he would
find out and take care of it as best he could.  I tried to indicate to
Brian that if he needed me to let me know, and I think he understood.

	"Okay," I thought to myself.  "I'll see you both in the morning?"
Funny, that came out more as a question than a statement.

	"Thanks, Matt," Brian replied.  "Thanks for everything.  We'll all
be better in the morning."

	Nodding in hopeful agreement, I slid back inside.  Everyone else
had already gone to bed, and most of the lights in the house were already
out.  I stopped to brush my teeth before walking into my bedroom.  JC was
half-asleep.  I knew he would be.  He was falling asleep during the movie.

	"Come here, sexy," he yawned.

	"That exciting, am I?" I laughed.

	"You know it," he grinned, lifting my shirt over my head.  He
kissed my lips, my chest, and my stomach before undoing my pants.  I slid
out of both them and my boxers with ease, and I crawled into bed next to
him.  I pulled Josh close to me, not wanting to ever let him go.  He rested
his head across my shoulder, and in minutes, he was sound asleep.  I didn't
fall asleep quite so easily.

	Surprisingly, I wasn't worried about me, Josh, or any combination
thereof.  I was worried about Nate and Brian.  Just one of those gut
instincts we nurses are so famous for.  There was more going on there than
I think even they knew.  I hoped they would be able to weather whatever
storms life hurled against them.

	I sat and stared at the ceiling in the darkness, my night vision
able to pick up small cracks I found there.  That reminded me that I needed
to have some things fixed around here.  Finally hearing the patio door
again, I listened for two sets of steps going down the hallway.  When I
did, I was finally at ease enough to go to sleep.


	I awoke from a fitful sleep with a start, the sheets clinging to
me.  Quickly placing my palm on my forehead, I breathed a sigh of relief.
I thought I had remembered a nightmare.  The specifics of which had already
left my memory, but I somehow knew that these sweats were a result of it.

	I didn't really want to get up.  JC was sleeping soundly next to
me, looking extremely peaceful.  I brushed the hair out of his face and
kissed his forehead.  When he didn't stir, I decided to go back to sleep.

	I woke up again, completely disoriented as far as what time it was.
Looking over at the clock, I realized that everyone would be getting up
before too long, so I decided to make coffee.

	I sat on the countertop, quickly thumbing through the newspaper
while it brewed.  I had just made it through the sports section when I
heard the coffee-maker kick off, so I hopped down and started pouring
myself a cup.  I smiled when I saw Nate stumbling in.

	"How you feeling?" I asked him.

	He smiled back, "Je deteste me lever le matin."

	Not really much of a morning person myself, I laughed, "Me, too,
but you kind of get used to it when you're on call.  JC would agree too,
but he's still in bed."

	"Brian, too," he laughed.  "I get the feeling that none of us
particularly like getting up."

	I offered him my coffee.

	"I'll love you forever."

	"Don't let JC hear you say that," I laughed.

	"You've got to teach that boy to share," he grinned.

	The eyebrow went up instinctually.  "Who says I want him to?"
Pouring my own cup, "Why don't we move into the living room until the
others get up.  Then we can decide on breakfast."

	He gave in and plopped into a chair while I pulled my feet up onto
the couch.  He wasn't saying something, and if he thought the transition
earlier would make me lose my train of thought, he was wrong.  "So *are*
you okay?"

	He shrugged and ran his hand through his hair.  "I suppose so.
Things just sort of piled up on me there all of the sudden."

	I asked him if it was the stuff with me.  He initially said yes,
but then no.  Finally, he settled on it being a factor.  He was just
scared, I could see that.  "Sorry if I worried you."

	"Don't worry about it," I tried to reassure him.  "I definitely
know what it's like to feel overwhelmed." He sort of nodded while we drank,
and while I was hesitant to broach the subject, I had to say something.  "I
noticed that the movie last night upset you."

	He seemed surprised I had caught that, but he admitted that it did,
particularly the part where Neil dies.  I think I knew where this was
going, so I urged him to continue.  He smiled and told me he didn't mind
talking about it.  "There are two things that are guaranteed to get me.
One of them is watching someone give up like that."

	I understood completely, nodding, "Kind of hits home for me, too."

	He caught my meaning.  "You?"

	Answering the question we didn't really want to ask aloud, I again
nodded, "Right after my original diagnosis.  You?"

	"Right after having the shit beaten out of me in high school," he
said flatly.

	He really didn't need to go into any further detail.  I was a
pretty bright guy.  I hoped what I was thinking didn't show.

	"So what stopped you?" he finally asked.

	Damn, I just couldn't get away from him all of the sudden.  "My
friend Rich.  He pulled me out of the water just in time."

	"My dad," he answered before the inevitable question arose.  "He
got me to the hospital and my stomach pumped just in time."

	I asked him if Brian knew, which he apparently did.  He asked about
JC.

	"No, but I suppose he will." I paused for a second.  "It's hard,
isn't it?"

	"Unbelievably," he agreed.  After a few moments, he stood and
smiled, "If you'll excuse me, I think it's more than time that my boyfriend
saw the light of day."

	I just smiled and asked if an hour was enough time.

	"Depends on how long he takes to get up, I suppose," he laughed.

	The eyebrow went up as I subconsciously read deeper meanings into
that statement.  I just laughed as Nate topped off his cup and headed for
the back of the house.

	Kevin strolled in, barely awake.  He looked like one of those
people who could get too much sleep.  He was wearing pajama bottoms with no
shirt as he went for the coffee.  I marveled to myself how handsome he was.
Leave it to Kathy, she always did go for the cute ones.  An idea emerged,
so I walked back to my bedroom to get something.

	As Kevin sipped his coffee over the sink.  I walked up behind him
and took his arm.  He looked around questioningly as I slid the shirt over
his arms and onto his back.  I patted his shoulder.

	"Thanks," I smiled.

	"It was the least I could do," he managed.

	Okay, enough of this.  "Kevin, will you promise me something?"

	"Anything," he quickly responded.

	"Stop trying to apologize and enjoy your vacation."

	He deliberated for a moment before smiling and giving me a quick
hug.

	"Hands off!" I heard JC tease, barely conscious himself.  I poured
him a cup, and we all went into the living room.

	Kathy came in, clad in a robe, my robe as a matter of fact.  She
was drying her hair.  "So what's for breakfast?" she asked, entirely too
damn happy for this early in the morning.

	Everyone turned towards me.  "Don't look at me," I laughed
defensively.  "After my rousing success with the ribs, it's somebody else's
turn.  Besides," I pointed at JC, "you and your cohorts got breakfast the
other morning."

	He grabbed my finger and kissed my cheek.  "Fine," he smiled.
"I'll cook.  Just don't expect it to be good."

	"Well," Kevin grinned, "Nate's friend Andrea raved over his
breakfast not long ago."

	"Nate, it is," Kathy quickly suggested, not really the domestic
type herself.

	I snatched the towel from her hands and snapped it against both her
and Kevin's backsides.  "Then go get him.  I'm hungry."

	They just laughed and ran down the hallway.  I pulled JC into a
tight embrace, and we both laughed when we heard Kevin yell, "BREAKFAST!"

	JC just laughed and laid on top of me with his head over my heart.
I kissed the top of his head, and those doe-eyes looked up at me and into
my soul.  "How are you?" he asked.

	I thought about how to answer for a moment before smiling, "I'm
doing wonderful, Mr. Chasez.  How about yourself?"

	His mouth drew tight, trying not to laugh as he told me that I knew
what he meant, and I did.  "I'm good.  I slept through the night with no
major incidents," I paused to add, "or interruptions like Brian and Nate
are getting at this moment."

	He brought his hand up and traced his fingers over the muscles in
my neck.  "I just thought I heard you wake up earlier."

	"I did," I smiled.  "It was a nightmare."

	He looked at me very intently for a moment before I realized my
words were biting me in the ass again.  "Really, it was a nightmare.  No
fever," I assured him.  "I went right back to sleep."

	"How come you didn't wake me?" he asked, honestly sounding hurt.

	"Sweetheart, it was just a nightmare.  Normal people get those, and
so do I."

	He smiled for a second.  "So when we say you're abnormal, is that
necessarily a reflection on the cancer?"

	I smiled back and headbutted the top of his head, earning an "Oww!"
In truth, I was glad he still had his sense of humor despite everything
going on around us.  I brought my arms up and rested them on his back.  We
sat there in quiet reflection after that.  I knew what he was thinking.
Hell, those thoughts were hardly foreign territory for me.  I could tell
that he felt he had to be strong for me, which was sweet, but I wished he
would just say what was in his heart.  He turned his head sideways again
and closed his eyes while I stroked his hair.

	We both sat up when we heard Kevin and Kathy's laughter getting
louder.  They came back in the room apparently victorious in the battle to
be the most annoying pair of all time.  Kevin plopped down at the foot of
the couch, forcing JC and I both to draw up our feet to keep him from
sitting on them.  Kathy dropped into his lap an instant later.  Kevin
looked over at me and smiled, and I smiled back at him.

	Brian was not long behind, straggling in clad only in his boxers.
"Woo," I teased.  "If you're down to your boxers after only the first day
here, I can't wait to see what the rest of the week brings."

	Brian looked down at himself for a minute, and I could tell that
his still somnolent mind was trying to weigh whether to be embarrassed or
annoyed.  I think he settled somewhere in between.  He just nodded and
walked into the kitchen.

	Kevin patted Kathy on the hip, telling her to get up.  When she
gave him a questioning look, he just smiled, "I guess I should go see if I
can get Mr.  Grumpy motivated."

	JC pounced on it before it had even registered with me.  "Keep your
pet names to yourself." He reached for his coffee cup, only to find it
empty.  He found the same when he picked up mine.  "And get us some more
coffee," he barked.

	Kevin rolled his eyes and looked at me for a sign.  I just
shrugged.  "Get your own damn coffee," he smirked at both of us.

	JC looked at me, trying his best to act shocked.  "Wherever did we
go wrong with that boy?" he asked in his best Southern belle impression.

	"In letting him pick his own girlfriends," I answered.  JC laughed
and helped me to my feet.  I knelt over to get the mugs from the coffee
table, and we went into the kitchen behind everyone else.

	Brian was leaning over the table, his head flat against the wood
surface.  Kevin dutifully placed a steaming cup in front of him and
squeezed his shoulder.  Brian turned his head to the side and cocked one
eye open.  "Thanks," he muttered, just before drooling on my table.

	I laughed and took the pot from Kevin, filling our cups.  Nate
walked in, obviously not amused that Kathy and Kevin had trashed whatever
plans he had for Brian's wake-up call.  He said nothing as he walked to the
sink to discard the coffee I had poured for him earlier and get a fresh
cup.

	"So I'm cooking?" Nate finally asked nonchalantly before taking a
sip.  Without missing a beat, every one of us looked at him dead in the
eyes and nodded with a smile.  "I'm going to need a helper," he smiled at
Brian.  We were never gonna get breakfast at this rate.

	Kevin's thoughts must have mirrored my own.  He stepped directly in
front of Nate and literally beamed.  "I'll do it while Brian gets dressed."

	Using my trick, Nate's eyebrow went up.  "Can you take orders?"

	"You bet," Kevin replied.

	"Then get out of the way, you're blocking my view," Nate grinned,
moving Kevin out of the way.

	JC laughed, "What are you going to make?"

	Nate looked at me.  "Depends on what I have to work with."

	"I honestly couldn't tell you what's left in there at the moment,"
I shrugged.  "Whatever's in there is at your disposal, though."

	Nate braced himself defiantly.  "Well, I'm not doing anything with
this many people in the room."

	We all started laughing, and JC and I headed towards the living
room.  "Wait a minute," Nate's voice announced.  "Brian, sweetie?"

	"What?" Brian asked sourly.

	Nate smiled.  "Does it seem fair to you that they get to be
together, and you and I are so rudely separated?"

	Brian knew where this was going, and so did I.  "Why no.  That
doesn't seem fair at all."

	Nate nodded.  "I thought not." Pointing at Kathy and I, "You and
you, out of here." Turning his attentions toward Brian, "You, go get
dressed."  Smiling, he pointed at Kevin and JC, "You and you get to help
me."

	He sat there for a moment waiting for some sign of protest, but he
wasn't going to get one from me.  I just smiled as Kathy grabbed my waist
and mechanically turned me back towards the living room.  Brian was only a
step or two behind.

	Catching the look on Brian's face as I sat down.  "You're enjoying
this, aren't you?"

	"Indubitably," he answered proudly.

	Kathy seemed in her element, of course.  "Ooh, big words, and here
I was expecting a monosyllabic grunt."

	"You want to hear grunting?  Get a boyfriend," he smiled.

	"Why?" she asked.  "Yours will do just fine."

	"Ding-ding-ding," I laughed.  "If you ladies will return to your
neutral corners, you can commence the catfight when I'm not a witness."

	Kathy just smiled, and Brian reluctantly did the same.  Her face
grew gravely serious.  "Any news yet?"

	"Well, the blood count came back the same day, and it was a little
abnormal, but otherwise, no news is good news.  I'll probably have to play
phone tag with the radiologist to get the results of my films," I answered
completely devoid of emotion.  When I talked about it that way, a part of
me just treated it like some patient instead of me.

	Kathy nodded and smiled, but when I looked over at Brian, he was
visibly uncomfortable with the topic at hand, so I changed the subject.
"Brian," I began, grabbing his attention, "I happen to know two HUGE
Backstreet Boys fans."

	"Really?" he perked up.

	Kathy started to say something, but I quickly barked, "Shut up,
size queen." Kathy just grinned at me, but safely back in her box for the
moment.
  "Actually," I continued, turning back towards Brian, "there are two
eleven year old girls who are dying to meet you."

	He smiled.  "I can't believe you have two kids that old."

	"Tell me about it," I replied.

	"But you're only like what--twenty-six?" he asked.

	"Yep," I confirmed.  "Won't be twenty-seven for a couple of
months."

	"That's incredible.  I'd like to meet them."

	"Funny you should say that," I grinned.  "You're under absolutely
no obligation, I want to say first and foremost, but they're having a dance
at their school later this week."

	"Okay," he said reluctantly, but smiling, enjoying making me sweat.

	"And I'm under parental obligation number 101 to ask you all if you
can be there," I smiled.  "Kevin's already going with us, so really, don't
feel you have to."

	"I think it sounds like fun," he stopped me.  "Let me talk it over
with Nate."

	"Absolutely," I smiled again.

	About that time, Kevin came back in laughing.  I shot a questioning
look in his direction.  "I got paroled," he explained.  "Your boyfriend
wasn't quite so lucky." He sat down beside Kathy and just stayed that way,
with that mischievous grin plastered on his face.

	"You're evil," I grinned back at him.

	"From you," he smiled, "I'll take that as a compliment."

	"I was asking Brian if he wanted to come with us to the girls'
school," I told him.

	"Sounds like fun," Brian interjected.

	Kevin nodded, and we all became silent.  Kathy grabbed the remote
control from atop the television.  "I can't take this," she laughed.  "You
guys are boring the hell out of me."

	We all just kind of laughed, and looking at my watch.  "I wouldn't
get too bored over there, miss thing." She seemed puzzled, so I explained,
"Didn't you say you needed to go into the office for a little bit."

	Her shoulders fell like all the air had just been let out of her
balloon.  "No fair," she pouted.

	"That's why you make the big bucks," I teased.

	"Excuse me, but there are three successful musicians, one
best-selling novelist, and a nurse who happens to be a millionaire under
this roof at the moment," she reminded.  "How exactly do you figure that
the woman who hasn't even made junior partner is the one with the most
cheese in this group?"

	"I think you're very cheesy," I assured her.  Kevin nodded in
agreement.

	"Burn in hell, the whole lot of you," she told us as sweetly as she
could manage.

	"What did I do?" Brian asked.

	She rolled her eyes at him.  "You're related to him," she answered,
motioning towards Kevin.

	Brian grabbed the pillow and hurled it directly into Kevin's face.
"Thanks a lot."

	"I want to take the day off," she cried.

	"Then call in sick," Brian suggested.

	"I'll never make junior partner that way," she told him.  Sinking
into her seat, she began scanning the channels.  "Why can't it be that
simple anymore?"

	Confused, I looked at the television screen.  Seeing the cast of
"Sesame Street" dance across the screen, I laughed and asked her, "So you
want to go back to a time when people had to make you take naps, you had to
write with the fat pencils, and controlling your bodily functions was a
major achievement?"

	"Who said that's changed?" Kevin offered.  Her biting his nose was
his reward.

	"If 'An Evening at the Improv' is over with, might I ask what you
clowns want to do today?" I asked, motioning for Kathy to shut up before
the words could pass her lips.

	"Don't feel you need to keep us entertained?" Brian offered.  "I
think Nate and I would rather just hang around the house today.  We ran
ourselves ragged bouncing from his place in Toronto to the concert in
Denver before coming here."

	"Speak for yourself there, white bread," Kevin laughed.  "Not all
of us can lounge around the house cuddling all day."

	Kathy just giggled.  "I don't think your girlfriend, past or
present, would approve, since it wouldn't exactly be with either one of
us."

	"Anyway," Kevin ignored her, "I've been cooped up in hotels
forever." He turned towards me.  "I'd like to get out of the house, if you
don't mind."

	"Not at all," I smiled.  "I have absolutely no idea what we'll do,
but we'll figure out something." I smiled at Brian.  "I guess you want me
to make sure I get JC out of here, too, huh?"

	"Unless he wants to join us?" Brian mused.

	"Kevin," I said flatly, never taking my eyes off of Brian, "I hope
you have other cousins."

	Kevin just laughed.  "I do."

	"Hey, I'm being outnumbered here," Brian laughed.  "I need to get
my boyfriend in here to defend me."

	"Might I remind you," I pointed out, "that if he hadn't snagged
*my* boyfriend, my attention might be distracted from you, so technically,
it's his fault you're outnumbered."

	"I'll bear it in mind," he smiled.

	I just laughed at him, and we all sat there watching "Sesame
Street" of all things until JC entered the dining room bearing pancakes.
Seeing them out of the corner of my eye, I headed for the table.  "Thanks,"
he said over his shoulder to Nate, who was right behind him.

	"That's what I'm here for," Nate smiled.  "Well, that and
apparently to serve as kitchen bitch."

	"Don't forget Irish washerwoman," I added, breaking up their
laughter.  "That reminds me--heavy on the fabric softener, light on the
starch."

	Nate rolled his eyes for a second before smiling.  "Okay.  I guess
anything would be better than that shit you call syrup."

	It was my turn to roll my eyes.  I really needed to show him what
log cabin syrup in the nostalgic can would do when he swallowed it, can and
all.  Nate apparently picked up on my thoughts, because he just smiled at
me.

	"Speaking of which," JC tried valiantly to save him, "why don't I
get that shit we call syrup.  From the looks of things, we forgot the
butter and coffee, too." I smiled when he realized his distraction
technique wasn't working.  "Not cute enough," he whispered under his
breath.  "Why don't you," he pointed to Nate, "go get everyone before
breakfast becomes a particularly unappealing lunch."

	Nate just smiled and followed the instructions he was given.

	I sat down at the table, and JC dropped into my lap.  I exhaled
loudly when he did, and he looked at me questioningly.  Trying desperately
to keep a straight face, I asked, "What?  You have put on a few pounds
there, Captain Couch-Potato."

	He leered at me with a menacing glare, but it was soon replaced by
a clever grin.  "Then I guess we'll just have to come up with some
high-impact exercises."

	I feigned a shock look on my face.  "But I'm a sick man."

	His face never moved, he just calmly retorted, "I don't recall
asking you about your mental well-being.  I just want to use you for your
body."

	I smiled, "Well, in that case, I'm all yours."

	He smiled back, "You better be."

	Without warning, a woman's high-heeled shoe came crashing into my
skull.  I spun to find Kathy buttoning the side of her skirt, her slip
still hanging beneath.  Her silk blouse hung loosely from her shoulders as
she stood there in her bra, and I noticed that her stocking feet were
missing a shoe.  Her blond hair hung in various strings from her head.  I
had to give it to her--the girl could change clothes faster than anyone I
had ever met in my life.  Extending my hand towards her, I held out her
shoe.  "Lose something, dear?"

	Tucking her blouse back into her skirt, she yanked the shoe from
me, "Yeah, to a guy named Billy in the back of a Chevy.  Any other
questions?"

	"Yeah, for starters, why are you throwing your street-corner
invitations at my head?"

	"For smartass comments like that," she answered nonchalantly as she
slid her heel into the shoe.  "Any *good* questions?"

	"Yeah," JC chimed in.  "Does the word modesty exist in your
vocabulary?"

	I smiled, and so did she.  "In my vocabulary--yes, but in my
world--no.  Besides, there's only one guy in this house who might be even
remotely interested, and he and I have slept together, so what's the
point?"

	About that time, Kevin rounded the corner to catch the tail-end of
the conversation.  "Kathy!"

	Brian and Nate were not far behind.  Brian just smirked out of one
side of his mouth.  "Oh, yeah, cuz, that's a shocker." They sat across from
JC and I, and Kevin sat beside me.

	"I'm outta here, guys.  I'll see you later on today," Kathy
announced, grabbing her purse.

	Nate looked almost offended.  "Not going to eat anything?
Breakfast *is* the most important meal of the day," he reminded us in a way
reminiscent of some old television show.

	Kathy grabbed a piece of toast and took a bite.  With her mouth
still full, "There, Martha Stewart, are you happy?" Nate just rolled his
eyes.  Kathy leaned over to kiss Kev on the cheek.  She proceeded to do the
same to the rest of us.  She paused at Nate.  "I guess I probably don't
know you well enough to kiss you," she said stoically.  Finally, she
grabbed his head, turned it sideways, and kissed him fully.  "What the
hell?" she smiled.  "Hasta lasagna," she added on her way out the door.

	We all sat there in an awkward silence for a minute before Nate
finally looked at me and asked, "Is she always like that?"

	Kevin and I almost said in unison, "No." He just looked at me and
laughed.  I motioned for him to continue.  "Sometimes she's strange."

	Nate just smirked knowingly, and I wondered exactly what he was
getting from that statement.  He let it pass, so I decided to let it do the
same.

	Kevin stood and started passing food onto everyone's plates.  I
could tell he was used to doing family type dinners where there were a lot
of people.  I got lost in the moment and thought to myself how good of a
father it seemed he would make.  We tore into the meal, continuing on in
conversation and pleasantries.  At one point, Brian remarked how good
everything was, and I could see the words forming on JC's tongue.  I
stepped on his toe with the heel of my foot, causing him to almost leap
from the table.  Everyone looked at us in befuddlement, but I could see
that Nate knew I was trying to let his boyfriend's compliment slide without
comments from the peanut gallery--myself included.  He just nodded.

	After finishing inhaling the food, we talked a while longer.
Finally, I pushed myself away from the table and patted my stomach.  "I
think it's time for my run."

	"Hang back a sec, and I'll come with," Kevin offered, clearing the
plates.

	"Not me," Josh chirped.  "I'm going back to sleep."

	Before Nate could even make a face, I grabbed JC by the elbow.
"Oh, no, you aren't.  You're going to."

	"But I want to go back to bed," he pouted.

	I leaned over and whispered into his ear, "Come with me now, and
I'll go to bed with you later." He smiled and mouthed, "Okay."

	Nate was smiling, so I leaned over and whispered into his ear,
"Don't get too excited there, Shakespeare.  We'll have to come home to get
cleaned up before we can go out again." Nate smiled and tugged on my
sleeve, whispering into my ear, "That's okay.  I can at least get a quickie
to hold me over."

	Brian abruptly tugged Nate away from me.  "Hey, no fair.
Everyone's getting talked dirty to but me and Kevin."

	I smiled and immediately countered, "Jealous, are we?  I was just
telling them what a hot three-way you and your cousin would make."

	Kevin didn't even roll his eyes, but that didn't stop him from
going beet-red.  "Was that really necessary, Matt?"

	I smiled and massaged his shoulders, "Sorry, Kev.  Couldn't
resist."

	"Yeah," he smirked, "I could tell you were really pondering your
dilemma."

	I patted him on the back and momentarily considered pinching his
ass on his way into the kitchen, but I decided against it.  JC was just
watching on in earnest, and Nate was busy picking up Brian's jaw, which had
dropped in response to my comment.

	JC and Kev and I went to the back of the house to change into some
running clothes.  We quickly met up by the door, and I pushed them out.
"The house is yours," I smiled at Nate.  He just nodded as he and Brian sat
down on the couch, and I shut the door behind us.

	As we walked from the house down the driveway, JC asked me, "So
where are we going?"

	I looked at him perplexed.  "What do you mean where are we going?
We're going running."

	His face scrunched into a frown.  "You mean you were serious?  I
thought you were just getting us out of the house so Nate and Brian could
be alone."

	Kevin just laughed as he stopped to lace up his shoes.  I turned
back to JC.  "That was part of it, but I run everyday--twice a day if I
can, as a matter of fact."

	He stuck his lip out in a quizzical expression.  "Okay."

	I smiled and leaned over to whisper to him, "If you have any plans
on working up a sweat later, I'd better see some sweating now."

	He looked at me and sarcastically replied, "You're evil."

	Kevin just started laughing again.  "I think we'd already
established that," he offered.

	JC picked up the gauntlet, "Oh, shut up and run, Mr. Body
Beautiful."

	Kevin started to redden, but I grabbed his hand and helped him to
his feet before we took off running in the general direction of the park.
I could tell by his breathing that JC wasn't going to be a happy camper by
the end of the run, but Kevin was hanging with me without difficulty.  It
wasn't all that late in the morning, but luckily the temperature wasn't too
bad, and there were minimal spectators.  Most wouldn't be able to recognize
the guys from a quick glance, but I didn't want to complicate things.  Lord
knows there was enough of that going around.

	"So did you call Carrie and let her know you made it in safe?" I
asked Kevin.

	"Not really," he answered without taking his eyes from the road.  I
wasn't sure if he was concentrating on the task at hand that fully or if he
was just trying not to think about the question.  I honestly wasn't trying
to pry or anything like that, but I could tell there was something in what
he wasn't saying.

	"And that's not really an answer," JC sort of huffed.

	"JC!" I snapped.

	"It's okay, Matt.  He's right." Again, he didn't look at either of
us, so I stopped in my tracks and outstretched my arm to signal JC to do
the same.  Kevin noticed almost immediately and turned towards me.  "What?"
Kevin asked.

	"I was going to ask you the same thing," I told him truthfully.

	He half-smiled to add some levity.  "I guess it's just kind of
awkward.  Carrie doesn't really know all that much about Kathy."

	"Exactly how much is not all that much?" JC prodded.

	"Practically none," he confessed.

	I motioned with my hand for him to continue, so he elaborated, "I
don't know why.  I'm just not sure."

	"Of what?" I asked, continuing, "Of how Carrie will react?"

	"I guess so," he said simply as he started running again.  JC and I
did the same.

	"If it's any consolation, from what little I know about her, I
think she'd be very understanding," I offered.

	"I don't doubt that in the least," he smiled.

	"Then what is it?" I asked again.

	"I guess I had to see Kathy again to be sure," he admitted.

	"To see if you still had feelings for her?" JC asked.

	"Yeah," he answered flatly.

	"Which you do," I said aloud.

	"Yeah, but it's not the same.  Kathy was probably the first great
love of my life, which is why I asked her to marry me."

	"You what?" I almost shouted, stopping cold.  JC and Kevin did the
same.

	"I asked her to marry me," Kevin repeated.

	"What did she say?" JC wondered.

	"No," Kevin and I answered in unison.  I knew Kathy well enough to
know the answer.  He smiled at me and started running again.  JC and I
followed his lead.  He continued, "She said she couldn't be a part of the
life I lead, no matter how much she loved me."

	"What did you say?" JC pondered.

	"What could I say?" he answered in kind.  "I told her that I
couldn't ask her to live the life I do, but that she would always be a part
of my life."

	"You're not a half-bad romantic," I smiled at him.

	"I guess," he responded bashfully.

	"When *was* all this?" I asked with verdant curiosity.

	"Two, maybe three months ago," he told me.  "She didn't tell you
any of this?"

	"No," I frowned.  "I only knew you as Kevin until less than a week
ago.  Kathy's always tried to shelter me.  She thinks I'm fragile or
something, which I hate."

	"I can relate," he laughed.  "She always mother-henned me too, but
I must confess, she told me that she's tried to run defense for you ever
since Rich."

	His words almost froze me, and looking at his face, I was certain I
understood his meaning.  Ironically, we were not far from a swing set, so I
sat down and pulled JC beside me.  Kevin seemed to know what this was
about, so he made himself scarce for a few minutes.

	"So now what haven't you told me?" JC asked half-serious.

	"Funny you should say that," I tried to laugh.

	"You've got to be kidding," his face blanched.

	I just shook my head and looked to the ground.  He pulled my chin
up to face him.  "Well, we've made it this far.  Don't stop now."

	"After I first learned I had cancer, I tried to kill myself," I
said flatly, bracing for the worst.

	"I wondered," he commented almost absentmindedly.

	"What?" I asked, my own surprise evident.

	"Last night, during the movie.  Something about your reaction to
that guy's death.  I thought about it most of the night."

	"You never cease to amaze me," I admitted.

	He just smiled, and the two of us stood, starting to look for
Kevin.  "What happened?" he asked, "So I'll know what to watch for."

	I smiled when I realized that his almost blase reaction was his way
of coping and being protective.  "I got drunk and tried to drown myself," I
began, "but my friend Rich pulled me out."

	"I guess I have that to thank him for," he smiled.

	I just nodded.  "He and I became involved after that.  I'm not sure
if he ever really loved me or if he was just trying to be there for me.
Does that make sense?"

	"Perfect," he agreed.

	I caught Kevin out of the corner of my eye and waved him towards
us.  "Thanks," I told him.

	"Anytime," he answered, "but for now, we may want to start heading
back.  I hadn't realized how long we'd been out."

	Glancing down at my watch, I understood his concern.  "You're
right," I smiled.  "Come on, but you're calling Carrie when we get back to
the house."

	He smiled, apparently conceding to my meddling.  "Thanks," he said.

	"Anytime," I mimicked.


	When we got home, I carefully entered first.  When I was satisfied
that we weren't going to be barging in on Nate and Brian, I threw my keys
on the table.  I pulled my shirt over my head, "I'm going to take a
shower."

	"Me, too," JC smiled.

	"Care to join me?" I invited as Kevin looked on bemused.

	"Nah," JC shook his head.  "It would turn into an all-day affair,
and I think Mr. Richardson here wanted to get out."

	Kevin held up his hands, "Don't stop on my account.  I'm sure I can
find something to keep myself entertained."

	Grabbing the both of them around their necks, I smiled, "No, as
much as I hate to admit it, he's right." JC smiled cockily, obviously very
pleased with himself.  I pulled away from them and grabbed the portable
phone.  I handed it to Kevin without saying a word.  He just nodded, and JC
and I headed for the back.

	The steaming water blasted the dirt and grime from my skin.  I
reveled in the simple comfort it provided and stood there, my head held
before the shower's path, water pouring from the sides of my head down to
my feet.  I stood there long enough that I really lost track of time, so
forced myself out of the stall.  Shuddering as the cool air brushed my damp
skin, I tightened my toes on the carpet and pulled my robe around me.  I
reached for a towel to dry my hair when I realized the other shower was
still running.

	I picked up the towel in my hand and left my bathroom.  I quietly
entered the other one (whoever designed the house had failed to put locks
on the bathroom doors by either neglect or design).  I set my towel on the
sink and peeled my robe off.  I stepped into the oversized stall behind the
showering figure, who turned to face me when he heard the door.

	Kevin and I both screamed.  I almost broke through the glass trying
to get out, and he, too, couldn't get out fast enough.  I heard him grunt
in pain when he slammed himself against the faucet.  I quickly pulled my
robe around me and handed him my towel, which he wrapped around his waist.

	The door flew open, and there stood Nate, Brian, and JC.  I think
the realization of what had transpired came to Nate first, but he said
nothing.  The same could not be said for Brian and JC.  When they both put
two and two together, they began laughing hysterically.  Kevin and I were
both so flabbergasted that we couldn't utter a sound.  Nate saved me and
grabbed the village idiots and led them away from the bathroom.

	"Kevin, I'm so sorry.  I thought you were JC," I explained.

	"I assumed as much," he laughed.  "Carrie was out of the office, so
JC used the phone to call Justin while I took a shower."

	"Unfortunately, my expert medical opinion is that neither of us can
die of embarrassment, so I guess we'll just have to get through this."

	"I think we can manage," he smiled.  I returned the expression and
started for the bedroom.  Despite everything, I couldn't resist, so over my
shoulder, I muttered aloud "Nice ass" just loud enough for Kevin's
reflection in the mirror before me to turn a deep red.

	In the hall, I saw Brian and JC snickering.  I wheeled to face
them.  "So help me, if either of you two clowns says one word to embarrass
him any more than he already is, I swear you'll wish to God you hadn't."

	JC just motioned that his lips were sealed.  I think Brian was too
stunned at my threat to say anything intelligible.  Nate, however, found
this situation even more funny than the one in the bathroom, because he was
rolling hysterically on the couch.  JC squelched a grin and kissed me on
the cheek.  "I really am going to take a shower now." I smiled at him and
went to my bedroom for a change of clothes.


	Tucking my shirt into my jeans, I walked back into the living room.
Nate was sprawled across the couch with Brian on the floor in front of him
eating a bowl of cereal.  I looked at Brian in wonder.  "Eating again?"

	He smiled, milk dribbling out the sides of mouth.  "I'm a growing
boy."

	Nate sardonically added, "And he worked up an appetite."

	I shook my head in laughter.  "Too much info."

	"What?  You shower with my cousin but some little innuendo is going
to embarrass you?"

	I just stared at him.  "Eat your damn cereal."

	Kevin appeared a few moments later, fully dressed and seemingly
still self-conscious, but he was making a concerted effort to hide it.  He
sat on the armrest beside me, and I fought the urge to smile.

	"So now where to?" Brian asked me.

	"I thought I'd take them down to Tunica," I answered.

	"Where?" Nate chimed in.

	"It's in Mississippi, about half an hour or so from here," I
explained.  "It was probably the poorest region in the country until the
casinos moved in about ten years ago, I guess."

	"Sounds like fun," Brian remarked.

	"Well, there are a ton of them down there," I informed him, "so if
you guys want to go sometime, they're open twenty-four and seven."

	"I'm ready," JC announced as he walked in, shaking the water from
his hair like a dog.

	"Like hell you are," I smirked.  "Go dry your head before you catch
your death of pneumonia."

	"Yes, mother," he smiled as he left the room.  The rest of us just
laughed.

	Kevin was still visibly red and apparently expecting the worst, so
he changed the subject.  "So what did you two do while we were running?"

	Nate piped in before Brian had a chance.  I was sure something was
going on in that head of his, but as to what is was, I hadn't a clue.  Nate
feigned innocence and told us that he had cleaned the breakfast dishes
after they got up from the couch.  Yeah, that really took the whole time we
were gone.

	"Then your girlfriend called and interrupted," Brian interjected,
seeing my knowing expression.  "Dumped a bunch of work on my boyfriend."

	"You talked to Carrie?" Kevin asked, and the way he asked it put my
gears in motion, reminding me what we had talked about earlier.  He was
apparently on the same wavelength, and I saw it in his eyes when he looked
at me.  I could see out of my peripheral vision that Nate and Brian were
both aware that there was something they weren't privy to here.  I saw
Brian's lips moving in elaboration, but I honestly didn't hear what he was
saying until I caught his last word--"Why?"

	Kevin assured them that there was no reason, then his mean streak
emerged, and he started putting the pieces together in respect to the
sequence of events that transpired while we were gone.  He went for the
throat, determined to embarrass them.

	It worked.  Brian blushed as he explained, "We got distracted."

	I fought to prevent a smile from emerging.  "Gotta hate
distractions."

	Nate's eyebrow went up in a way reminiscent of me, and he told me I
needed a different distraction.

	"I think I do a pretty good job," JC laughed as he appeared in
front me.  Sitting in the floor, he rested his back against my legs.  I
lackadaisically ran my fingers through his hair.  Though not my intent, I
could tell he had dried his hair.

	I realized that Brian's earlier comment about Carrie meant that
Nate was going to be fairly occupied with the book, so I asked if Brian was
joining us.  Nate smiled and told me that Brian had his own stuff to do and
asked if I had a computer he could borrow.

	I affirmed that I did, though the question struck me as strange.
Nate explained, and Kevin seemed surprised.  He asked Nate if Brian was
getting to read the book.

	"Yep," Brian beamed, earning himself a tap on the head from Nate,
who told us it was a different story.  Kevin smiled, obviously taking some
deeper meaning from it.

	Nate said something else, but I was honestly too engrossed in
trying to figure out what it was that I was missing.  Brian shook me back
to reality when he asked if they could have a key in case they decided to
go out.

	"Sure can," I smiled.  "I'll go and get them both." I stood, gently
moving my legs from behind JC.  I walked back to my bedroom and snagged the
laptop before grabbing the spare key from the hook in the kitchen.  I set
the computer down and handed the key to Brian.  "On that note, why don't we
let you two get to it?" The minute the words escaped me, I realized how
that could be interpreted.  Kevin and JC laughed, and Brian blushed.  Nate
just smiled and nodded, so I grabbed the two hyenas and pushed them out the
door.
  We hopped into the car and headed for the interstate.


	We didn't make it very far before my curiosity got the better of
me.  "Okay, Kevin, I'll bite."

	"I'll say," JC smiled.

	"Keep it up, funny man, and you'll be sleeping alone," I smirked.

	He was starting to laugh harder.  "Think about how much of a
contradiction in terms that last sentence was."

	It dawned on me what he was implying, so rather than continue, I
turned to Kevin and ignored the comment entirely.  "I take it that it's a
big deal for Nate to let someone read his work before it's done."

	"Definitely, though despite Brian's best efforts, even he can't get
a peek at the new book."

	"Though I'm sure he's trying his hardest," JC added.  I just closed
my lids to keep everyone from seeing my eyes roll back in my head at that
last inference.

	"So how long will Kathy be today?" Kevin asked me.

	"Probably not too much longer.  She may get home before us," I
answered.

	"We can hope, can't we?" he smiled, and I realized that he wanted
Kathy to interrupt them.

	"You *are* evil," I smiled.

	"Flattery will get you everywhere," he returned.

	"It better not," JC threatened.  Kevin and I just laughed.

	We continued on with a lot of small talk for the rest of the ride.
Something occurred to me as we hit the strip.  "How was Justin?" I asked.

	"He's fine," JC answered, not really following the transition.
"He's having a good time with his grandparents.  He said for us to make
sure we call him before the end of the week so he can see Brian and Kev."

	"Sounds like fun," Kevin smiled.  "I haven't seen him in forever."

	"Oh, and he said he's coming with us to the girls' school, and that
no one was talking him out of it."

	"Okay," I laughed, pulling into the parking space.  "We'll go get
him the day before."


	We walked into the casino, and JC immediately parked himself on one
of the stools in front of a slot machine.  I almost laughed to myself when
I realized it was one of the quarter machines.  While it wasn't the
cheapest thing in the place, I was impressed that some inbred sensibility
prevented him from frivolously throwing away his money, regardless of how
much he had.
  I took the stool next to him, and Kevin took the one next to me.

	Kevin almost fell off the stool in laughter when JC got carded.
Luckily, it was an older black man who seemed to have no clue in the
universe as to who he was.  I cocked a half-smile at Kevin and laughed,
"What's so funny, old man?  Apparently you and I look as old as we feel."
That stole the smile for only a moment, before he contented himself with a
grin.

	I laughed at him, but he was content with pulling the arm of the
one-armed bandit in front of him.  I would have been, too.  We had been
there only a few minutes and Kevin was up over a hundred dollars.  JC and I
weren't faring as well, so we decided to go to the tables.  Kevin said he
would join us in a few minutes, but right now he wanted to continue to try
his luck on that machine.

	I sat down at the blackjack table, and JC took the seat next to me.
We remained in this position for well over an hour.  Kevin caught up with
us, and I barely noticed when he took JC's seat.  Kevin wound up losing
about three hundred of the four hundred plus dollars he'd won in just a few
minutes.  He looked at the chips in front of me and just shook his head.
"It's all you."

	I nodded a smile towards him as he headed back towards the slots.
I lost track of time until Kevin and JC both came over and stood behind me,
looking over my shoulders.  "I'm hungry," JC pouted.  "Breakfast was a long
time ago." Kevin shook his head in agreement.

	"Okay," I smiled, "let's go get something to eat." I gathered my
chips, and three of us went into one of the casino's restaurants.

	"What's good?" Kevin asked.

	"Honestly," I confessed, "I couldn't tell you.  I only come down
here about once every year or so, and that's usually just when my cousins
come to town and visit."

	"You could have fooled me, you card sharp," Kevin laughed.

	A waitress came over to take our orders.  "What'll you have?"

	"Ribs?" Kevin answered in more a question than statement.  He
looked over at me with his head cowed.  I just smiled at him.  JC squeezed
my knee.

	"Do you want a full slab or a half slab?" she asked.

	"Go for the gusto," I encouraged him.

	"Okay.  I'll take the full slab.  If we have leftovers, I can take
them home to Kathy," he agreed.  Before his mouth had barely opened, I
poked JC in the ribs and warned him, "One doggy bag comment, and you'll
walk home."  He quickly closed his mouth and smiled.

	"Wet or dry, sir?" she asked Kevin.

	I looked at JC and mouthed the word "Don't." He shrugged like he
wasn't thinking anything.  I knew better.  Kevin was trying not to laugh
and draw attention.  "Wet," he answered.

	JC smiled as the waitress took the rest of our orders.  She brought
back some glasses of iced tea before moving on to another table.  I smiled
to myself.

	"What?" Kevin asked.

	"Well," I started, "it's no mint julep, but it'll have to do." He
and JC gave me a halfhearted laugh, but I realized that the joke was lost
on anyone but Nate.  We continued with small talk for a while, and the
waitress finally came with our orders.

	"Here you go," she smiled.

	"Thanks, Connie," Kevin returned, reading her name tag.

	She smiled back at him.  "Oh, yeah," I thought to myself.  "Kevin
could have company tonight if he wanted it." Kevin glanced at me out of the
corner of his eye, and he apparently knew what I was thinking because he
blushed.  "Well, if there's anything you fellas need, don't hesitate to
ask," she offered before leaving.

	The food wasn't the best I'd ever had, but it was pretty good.
Plus, we were all hungry.  That alone will pretty well guarantee that any
meal is a rousing success.  We were pretty well stuffed to the gills when
Connie came back with our check.  We all reached for it simultaneously, and
when we tried to pull it away from one another, it tore into several
pieces.

	Connie cocked her head to one side and put her hand on her hip.
"Tell you what, I'll take care of the check if I could ask you guys to do
me a big favor." JC and Kevin both looked at he questioningly, but Kevin
reluctantly said, "Okay, we're listening."

	"Well," she began to explain, "there's a girl in the private dining
room who just turned twenty-one today, and she doesn't seem to be having a
very good time at her party.  It seems the guy she's been going out with
dumped her this morning.  I was wondering if there might be some way I
could persuade two very handsome and charming singers to try and cheer her
up."

	I looked at her to see if she was serious, and she was.  JC just
smiled, "So you did know who we are?"

	"Of course," she smiled.  "My daughters would disown me if I didn't
know who you both were."

	"Tell me about it," I added.

	"So you want us to sing for our supper?" Kevin asked to keep from
laughing.

	"Something like that," she smiled, "but dinner's on me, whatever
your decision." I liked her.

	"Lead the way," JC announced.  Kevin and I were just a few steps
behind him.  Connie led the way to the private dining room.  Somehow, it
was more than I was expecting.  It was bigger than my high school
gymnasium.  There was a throng of people on the dance floor, and some local
band was on stage performing.  Kevin whispered something into JC's ear, and
he nodded in agreement.

	JC made his way to the stage and started talking to the band.  The
music abruptly stopped, and many people in the room were looking around in
confusion.  Connie pointed out the birthday girl, who was staring idly at
her plate.  Kevin walked over to her, and I just barely made him out to
ask, "May I have this dance?" JC took the keyboard player's position and
began to sing into the microphone.  When the girl looked up and saw Kevin,
she also looked up on stage.  Taking a chair, I smiled to myself because
the girl was in total disbelief.

	The girl took Kevin's hand, and the two of them began making their
way across the floor.  JC was singing a song I was almost unable to
identify.  It was off of their album, but it wasn't one that was
immediately recognizable.  In fact, if I hadn't heard it so recently, even
I wouldn't have known it.  It was a slow ballad, and everyone seemed to be
enjoying it.

	Connie was sitting beside me.  I looked over at her and pointed
out, "Somehow, I doubt this is in the job description."

	She smiled, "It's not, but sometimes, you have to bend the rules to
get the job done." Her words echoed through me, and I turned my attention
back to the floor, intermittently watching Kevin and JC.  I watched JC's
eyes, and I noticed him singing to me as much as he dared.  I smiled to
myself thinking how much of a romantic he really was.  I made a mental
note.

	The song ended, and Kevin gave the girl a kiss.  JC came down from
the stage, and the two of them signed autographs for a while.  I turned to
Connie, "Don't you want autographs for your kids?"

	She just smiled again.  "It would be nice, but I think I've imposed
enough.
  As a matter of fact, I should probably get back to work."

	A light bulb went off.  "Tell you what," I began.  "Why don't you
give me your address, and I'll make sure you get something autographed?"
She looked at me uncertainly, as if she didn't know whether to believe me,
but she scrawled out the information on her ticket book and handed it to me
before disappearing from the room.

	The guys finally made their exits, and we went back towards the
casino on our way to the car.  I realized I still had the chips in my
pocket, so I stopped at the roulette wheel.  Kevin was staring at me
curiously, but I told JC to bet it all.  He seemed even more unsure than
Kev, but I told him to go ahead.

	He placed the chips on the table, and I thought I was going to have
to pick him up off the floor when they announced a different number.  As
they swept the chips from the table, JC looked at me apologetically,
"Sorry, I guess I'm not very lucky." As we started out the door, I
whispered to him, "We'll see about that tonight."

	Kevin was only mildly embarrassed, but he smiled anyway.  We piled
back into the car to head back for the house.  It was pretty late, all
things considered, and I was getting tired.  I asked Kevin if he would mind
driving if I gave him directions.

	"Not at all," he grinned.  He and I switched places, and JC and I
sat in the back-seat.  JC laid his head in my lap and fell asleep in no
time.  I stroked his hair and watched him sleep.  I was drowsy, but I
stayed awake enough to tell Kevin when to turn.  I kept catching him
watching us in the rearview mirror.

	"What?" I laughed.

	"You two make a good couple," he smiled.

	"Thanks," I said, more than a little shocked.

	We continued the rest of the way in silence.  No particular reason
other than I was tired and he was too busy watching the road.  When we
pulled into the driveway, I woke up, unaware that I had fallen to sleep.
"How long was I asleep?" I asked him.

	"About twenty minutes," he answered, putting the car in park.

	"Did you find it okay?"

	"No problem.  I'm pretty good with directions," he smiled as he got
out of the car.

	"Not to mention dance steps.  I forgot to tell you how impressed I
was with the way you moved on the floor earlier."

	He blushed at the compliment as I roused JC.  After rubbing his
eyes a few seconds, JC seemed to wake up enough for us to get out of the
car.  "Thanks," Kevin commented on my earlier statement.  "Since I am a
professional dance instructor, it pays to at least look like you know what
you're doing," he smiled.

	"You're just full of surprises, aren't you, Mr. Richardson?" I
teased as I unlocked the door.


	Nate was curled up on the couch.  Kathy had made herself
comfortable in some blue jeans and a T-shirt, and she and Brian were
washing dishes in the kitchen.  She craned her neck around to see us, but
Nate looked half-asleep.
  I wasn't entirely sure that he or Brian had heard us come in.

	Kevin deposited my keys on the table and looked to me for approval.
I nodded to let him know that he had put them exactly where I would have.
He walked over to Kathy and extended his hand.  She took it, and they
walked into the living room and sat down.

	Apparently Nate had heard me, and he asked how rich we were.  JC
and I took our cues from Kevin and started rattling off the numbers in our
bank books, so he clarified his question.  Damn, just take all the fun out
of it.  Kevin blamed me for his misfortune, so I blamed JC.  He protested
for a minute, but he realized I was only teasing.

	I recounted their singing exploits for the evening, after an
off-color remark by Kevin brought out the bitch in Kathy.  I couldn't help
but laugh.  Kathy embarrassed Kevin, again, and surprisingly, it was JC who
saved him from himself and asked if we wanted to watch a movie.  Brian
suggested we find something other than the movies we rented--a bit too
depressing.

	I smiled and told them to find something on pay-per-view.  JC
squeezed my hand and gave me a look.  I knew he would rather go on to bed.
In honesty, so would I.  Unfortunately, my Southern sensibilities to be the
dutiful host dictated that I do otherwise.  I gave him a helpless
expression, and he smiled.  He squeezed my hand again before releasing it
and heading across the room.  He grabbed some blankets and some pillows and
began making a place for us in front of the television.

	I walked into the kitchen to grab some sodas.  If I had to be up
another two hours, I needed some help.  Nate strolled in casually and went
to the refrigerator.  "Have fun today?" I asked him.

	"Honestly, would you believe that he and I pretty much slept all
day?" he retorted without pulling his head from behind the door.

	"Yes, I would," I assured him.  "If you'd been doing anything too
fun, Kathy would have already called attention to it."

	He emerged with a drink and a smile.  "I appreciate the alone
time," Nate thanked me.  "I got a little work done, even with the
distraction."

	I grinned and grabbed drinks for everybody.  We started out of the
kitchen when the phone rang.  "It never fails," I smiled.  Looking at the
caller ID, I didn't recognize the number.  I guess it showed on my face.

	Nate looked at me funny, so I shook it off and smiled at him.  "You
go ahead.  I'll be in in a minute." He reluctantly agreed, and I grabbed
the phone.

	"Hello?" It was David from the hospital.  He'd been trying to call
since early today.  He finally gave up and waited until he got home to try
again.  He was deliberately avoiding pleasantries, so I knew where this was
going.  He told me that the preliminary report was back, and it was exactly
what I thought it was.  I sat there motionless with the phone in my ear.  I
finally recognized David's voice asking me if I was okay.  I told him I was
fine, and after an Oscar-caliber performance, he agreed to hang up.  I did
the same.

	I didn't know quite how to react.  It came as no great shock, but
by the same token, it wasn't exactly news you were ever really ready for.
I grabbed the drinks in my hands and spun around towards to living room.
In fact, I spun right around into Kevin, spilling the drinks all over me.

	"This is getting to be quite a habit," he forced himself to smile.

	"How much did you hear?"

	"Enough," he said.  "Wait right here."

	I started after him, not sure what he was about to do, but when I
hit the doorway, I saw everyone looking back at me.  I realized that if I
didn't want to cause a scene that would force me to explain everything, I'd
better do as Kevin said.  He emerged with the shirt from this morning.
"Here," he offered.  "It seems like the longer I'm here, the more shirts
you're going to need."

	I smiled and took the shirt.  "About what you heard . . . ."

	"Tell me how you want me to handle it.  I figure that after
yesterday, I should probably let you do things in your own way."

	"Thanks," I managed.  "I don't want everyone knowing just yet,
maybe not until after you guys are gone."

	Kevin made a face.  "Okay, if that's what you want.  Maybe we
should get out of your hair."

	I finished putting on the dry shirt.  "Kevin, exactly how do you
think your being here affects things one way or the other?"

	"I don't know," he offered weakly.  "I just think you've got enough
to deal with without having to put up with us."

	"I don't *have* to do anything," I reminded him, "and in case you
hadn't noticed, I happen to like you being here.  If Kathy's told you as
much as I think she has, then you, of all people, should understand that
the last thing I need is someone running out on me again."

	"Matt, you know that wasn't what I meant," he assured me.

	"I know, but I had to deal with all of this virtually alone
before," I began to sob softly.  "I don't think I can do that again."

	He pulled me into a hug.  "You're not alone.  Trust in that, if
nothing else.  I'm here if you ever need me, and Kathy's here, as always.
I also doubt you'll be able to get rid of JC anytime soon," he laughed.
"And Brian may not be good for much, but you can count on him, and Nate
kind of comes with that package."

	I had to laugh, for which I was grateful.  "I'll bear that in
mind."

	"If you want to wait a few days to tell everyone, then that's what
we'll do," he announced confidently, wiping a tear from his own eye.  "But
I would tell JC soon.  He's got a right to know."

	"I know he does," I smiled.  "And I want to tell him, but I think
after everything he's been through in the past few days, he needs a couple
of days to be happy.  He deserves it."

	Kevin just halfheartedly smiled.  "What about the blonde in there?"

	"I'll tell her later, too."

	"Okay," he mouthed emphatically, "but if the shit hits the fan,
I'll tell her it was all you."

	"Thanks for your support," I teased.

	"Don't look at me, Bartles & James.  I've seen her on a warpath.
It ain't pretty."

	"Your point's made," I acknowledged.

	"Seriously, though, if there's anything . . . ."

	"I know," I smiled.  "Start by getting those drinks.  Everytime I
try to get them, some lunkhead keeps bumping into me."

	He just smiled and snapped a salute.  He grabbed the drinks, and we
went into the den.

	"Finally," Brian said in mock exasperation when Kevin and I
emerged.  Kevin rejoined Kathy, while I slid into the mound of covers JC
had made.  Brian slipped out from the blanket and Nate's arms long enough
to hit the "play" button on the VCR (we couldn't find the remote).  As the
previews began rolling, I asked Nate to get the lights.  He hesitated a
minute, almost like he didn't hear me.  Looking at his face, I wondered how
much of the phone conversation he had heard.

	Shaking it off, we started watching the new Austin Powers movie.  I
wrapped my arms around JC's stomach, sliding my hands under his shirt.  I
leaned my forehead into his shoulder.  He brought his hand up and stroked
my cheek.  That was the last thing I remembered before falling asleep.



TO BE CONTINUED . . . . . . . . . . . . .



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