Date: Sat, 21 Sep 2002 12:46:02 +0100 (BST) From: Jezebel Subject: Set Adrift Chapter 11 Disclaimers: This story is fiction and it is not intended to imply anything about the true sexuality of the celebrities mentioned or any personal knowledge about their private lives. If you are underage for your area or if it is illegal for you to look at this why not go somewhere else, if you don't like the thought of two men together in a loving, sexual way this isn't for you either. Now on with part 11 *** Sully looked at the broken man that sat in front of him, his head bowed as he did not dare to look up at this latest batch of visitors. Sully could see Alex's pain and wondered how he could do this to the man he claimed to love. Sometimes the worst scars leave no physical mark and instead leave only a blemish on a man's spirit, Sully realised as he saw Alex that he had damaged his friend with his leaving. He had sold his own soul for a meagre ten thousand dollars but it was only now that he realised that he had sold Alex's as well. Sully hoped that it was not too late to fix what he had broken and undo the damage that he had done. Maybe he would even be again worthy of Alex's love. "Alex?" Nick asked softly as he went to his friend. This voice, the one that he had not expected to hear, made AJ look up. "Nicky?" He asked, not quite believing that the other man was there. For a moment he did not see Sully lurking in the corner. "You came." "Yeah." Nick said softly. "I'm sorry I didn't come sooner." "No." Alex replied vehemently. "It's me that should be sorry, I overreacted. It was the drink that was talking, not me. I never meant for it to go that far." "It's okay." Nick said not wanting Alex to feel as miserable as he looked. "No, it's not." AJ said. "But I want to make it okay, I want us to be friends again and to earn back your trust." "I trust you." Nick said immediately. In all honesty Nick wasn't sure how true it was after he had spoken the words. He knew that he had trusted AJ, and if the other man was not drinking then it would make him a better man. It was only AJ on alcohol that he couldn't trust. He had no real reason to question Alex's trust and he knew that. "You're my brother. I trust you and I still love you." Nick said after he had thought about it for a moment. "Do you forgive me?" AJ asked. This was a tougher question. "This has gone on for too long already." Nick said as he looked over at Sully and then back to AJ. "I'm not sure if there is any apology that needs to be said, but if you want my forgiveness you have it, as long as I have yours in return. I kissed Sully when I knew that he was with you." "Nick, it was a kiss, you don't need to apologise for it, but you're right, this has gone on too long." Sully said trying to mediate between the two. He should have known that it was not the best move. "What are you doing here?" AJ asked, his voice was hard as if he had not expected to see Sully again. "I had to come." Sully replied. "If nothing else you deserved the truth." "And it couldn't have come 5 years ago?" Alex asked sarcastically. "We had to go through all of this to get the truth?" "I didn't have the answers then." Sully explained evenly. "And I didn't know the truth. I certainly didn't know that it would have ended up like this." "Well, I guess a lot has changed in the time that you were off finding your answers because five years ago I might have listened to you but I can't do that now." AJ said harshly. "Alex, listen to him." Nick urged. "I meant it when I said this has gone on for too long. I found Sully for you, I wanted to right what I thought I had done wrong but these past five years that we've all been blaming each other we have been looking to the wrong people for answers. It wasn't Sully's fault that he left you, it wasn't my fault and it certainly wasn't your fault." "Who was it then?" AJ asked. Alex was angry and he wanted someone to blame, he had tried to blame all three of them at various times but he mostly blamed himself. His phsychiatrist had said that was half of the problem. Yet even after coming out of therapy and seeing how much that self doubt had ruined his life he could not find an answer as to who was to blame for it all. "Lou." Sully said. "He paid me to leave you alone, blackmailed me with your career and my own sexuality to get my silence." "That Bastard." AJ said. He threw a picture frame, that had previously sat on the table, at the wall. It was either throwing an object or throwing his fists and the man that he wanted to hurt was no here. The glass broke with a satisfying smash but it was not enough. AJ reached for something else, wanting to release the energy and emotion that he was feeling. However instead of connecting with another object that he could hurl at the unsuspecting wall he found strong arms wrapped around him. They restrained him where he stood and held him tightly against a firm expanse of chest and muscle. "We don't have to get mad." Sully said softly as he held his friend. Sully remembered the scent that he smelled, the way that the curve of AJ's neck tasted and how he liked his neck sucked, not leaving a mark but just so he could feel it's tenderness the next day. Sully wondered if there was anything the same with his friend and he wondered if he would get the chance to discover the new places that turned Alex on. Maybe he would get the chance to taste that neck, those lips, that cock again. "There might just be a way to get even." Nick added with a smile. AJ relaxed a little and Sully let him go, knowing that he would not hurt himself anymore. The three of them stood, no longer any tension between them but still a large amount of issues that needed to be resolved. It would take time but at least they were not blaming each other. There were no heroes in the piece although they now had a villain and the only hope was that like the other villains in history Lou Pearlman would get his comeuppance. *** Denise McLean knew that something had happened in that room when her son exited smiling. He had smiled before, of course he had, but since rehab they had been few and far between and this was one of the first that really and truly made it to his eyes. There was a personality in him again where before he had been a shell and there was a smile on his lips as if something was right with the world. She knew that this was one of those moments, that whatever had happened in that room was a turning point but she did not know what it was. She assumed that the only people that would ever really know were the three that had been in the room. But it would have an impact much wider than just them, it would affect all of the members of the extended Backstreet Family. She was glad that something was finally going right. "I'm sorry." Sully said, breaking the silence and with it she supposed the moment that the three of them had shared. It was ironic that these were the words that shattered that smile on her son's face. "Hush, now." Denise said as she saw how utterly miserable he looked. Sully looked more like he was facing the Spanish inquisition or a firing squad than that he seemed willing to open up to her freely and tell her the truth. As much as she wanted to hear the truth and know what happened she wanted to know that her son was happy. She wanted to see more smiles on his face and more of her old boy back. "I..." Sully tried again, but this time she held up a hand to silence him before she spoke again. "You can tell me later, I want to hear it but I know that this has been a hard day for you all." Denise said, giving him a reprieve at least for now. "You boys have to rest up for Friday." Nick hated the fact that she was right, they needed to get back out on the road and finish the tour. There was a reason that they had cancelled but now that was dealt with and they had to get back to the thing that they were all born to do. Performing. Nick hoped that AJ would make the tour and that he would not go back to his old ways. Maybe the fact that they had broken the cycle and found a common enemy would give AJ something else to focus on. If nothing else he had Sully back in his life. That had to be a good thing. Right? *** Note: I know that the parts are getting shorter but I am going for more regular updates instead of long ones when they are written. I hope that this works for you. Let me know what you think. :) Jez