Date: Fri, 23 Jul 1999 22:55:11 -0400 (EDT)
From: bsbkarma@iname.com
Subject: Show Me The Meaning 4 ( m/m boyband )

Warning: The following story is fictional. All use of celebrities,
characters, and situations are all fictional. This story does not
represent and/or meant to imply to the sexuality of any real persons.
This story contains homoerotic relations between consenting adult
males. You must be of legal age in your state to read this. Thank you
and enjoy.
(** the start of an emphasis, * the end)


"Show Me The Meaning Of Being Lonely"
 by Karma

================================================
~ Part 1 ~ "Nights Of Light"
================================================

~ Chapter 4 ~

	The once cloudy sky now rains nothing but sunlight upon
the beach. Even the waters had started to calm, giving no clue, other
than the beached motorcycle to the passed incident. Everyone dried
off and went back to work. The Backstreet Boys and Ricky Martin
were to be interviewed separately by two new up-coming journalists
for Details magazine. That is until they came up with the idea to
place them into two groups. One consist of youth and friendship,
AJ, Brian and Nick. The other maturely and rivalry, high charting
BSB's Kevin and Howie Vs. top selling Ricky.
	 "Hi, I'm Sherri Wishert," says the brown hair, green eyed
woman. "I will be interviewing you guys today." They all exchange
hand shakes and settle down into folding chairs under a large
umbrella. "First of all, what a scare you had there Howie! What
happen, what were you thinking, feeling?"
	"I was trying to pass Brian, when I lost control of the
motorcycle. I ended up swerving and crashing into the water, the
ocean. The next thing I knew, this huge tidal wave just like ate me,
like shallow. It all happen so fast, that I didn't really have time to
feel anything. I just remember thinking, get to the surface, get to the
surface!"
	"Did your life flash before your eyes?" asked Wishert.
	"No, it didn't. I guess that's how I knew I wasn't dieing. I
knew if I kept trying I could get up or that one of the guys would
pull me out. I also know--and I told the guys this--I will never ever,
ride another motorcycle in my life. And I'm sure Kevin will hold me
to that promise." He laughes, "See he's like the dad of the group.
He's watches over us, it's always don't do that, don't do this, you
know stuff like that."
	"Keep those young men in line." Ricky mocks playfully,
sitting beside Kevin.
	"Yeah, well, we need it sometimes, and Kevin will let us
know if we're crossing it." Howie admits.
	"I'm not that overbearing. I just really care about about
what happens to them--about their well being."
	"Actually, you'll find that Kevin has a great sense of humor
once you get to know him." Howie pats Kevin's shoulder.
	"But really, everyone in the group has their part. As you
can see Howie's the peace keeper. AJ's the hype man, he keeps
things moving. My cousin Brian the most rational, but he's
also a big joker-- he can really make us laugh. Nick...he's the
youngest so--well, for me at least--when I see him it reminds me to
hold on to the innocence in life. Not to take everything so
seriously..."
	"Which is difficult to do as you get older, and more cynical
towards life." Ricky finishes for Kevin. "Because you've seen and
been through so much, you can start to lose sight of all those dreams
you have as a child. But you have to hold on to some innocence, if
you're to make your dreams come true. I not saying be naive... Just
try to go for want ever it is you want, don't limit yourself." said
Ricky.
	"Otherwise you'll be an old man sitting somewhere talking
about what you would  love to have been, or what you could have
done and didn't. I know that I don't want to be be that old man,
wondering what if. Me and the guys shared a dream to be singers, so
we went for it. If anything we're proof that it can happen," Kevin
says. Ricky nods in agreement. Howie watches in awe at how the
two thought so much alike.
	"Well, you guys have deftly made your dreams come true,
no question about that. But, does the reality live up to the dream?
There are some sacrifices that goes along with the fame," says
Wishert.
	"But there's nothing I rather do, then perform. It's a lot of
hard work. You don't get to sleep much, and theres a lot of
traveling, so you don't get to spend as much time with your family
and friends as you would like too. You try to make the best of
everything. There's nothing like when I step out on stage to sing,
and dance my heart out. For once I feel like I'm truely expressing
myself the best way I know how. Performing for me is about sharing
your love with the audience. And when they show it back by
screaming, cheering, or crying, it's beautful.  Everything in the
world is perfect for that one monent. And I feel...just..." Ricky
searches for the right word.
	"Blessed." Kevin says for him.
	Ricky glances at him. "Yeah..blessed."
	"Amazing. You guys make me want to get up on stage!
So how do you cope with not seeing your family and love ones?"
	"For us, we bring some of our family members on tour,
every once in a while. In fact we have some make-up tour dates in
Europe next week, and my sister, Pollyanna and AJ's mom are
coming with us. Having them there makes it more like home
because, we go from place to place, night after night, sometimes it's
all a blur. And though we hardly stay in one place long, we still try
to see the sites of where ever we may be. That's the good side of
touring, seeing new places, meeting new people, giving your fans
the chance to see you perform live. Sharing that with our families
makes it even more special." Howie remarks.
	"Kevin and Howie were older than the others in Backstreet
when they started to gain success. Unlike them you, Ricky, have
had this experience of enormous fame at a young age.  How would
you compare it then to now? Is there a difference?"
	"I think there's a difference. Of course after having been
through it once, makes it easier to handle the second time around.
You're more mature, you have more control, and you know yourself
better. You've realize that there's a the difference between what you
want, what you desire and what you need.
	 I started doing TV commercials at seven. Then I audition
for Menudo when I was 13. I knew that I wanted to sing, to act, just
perform and see the world and become a big star. You know all of
those dreams a little kid has. But at the same time I could never
have guess just how **crazy* things could get."
	"Loco good, or loco bad?
	"Uhmm, both." Ricky laughs. "There I was, basically this
unknown part time child actor stepping into one of the most
successful groups in the world. I got to perform on stage in front of
thousands of people, to travel and see places that most could only
dream of. And I got to learn about the business, and fame. But at the
same time, my school was on a tour bus with a tutor and the guys.
My only friends were in the group. There were all these people that
weren't my parents telling me to do and what I should have done,
how to look, how to act. Luckily for me, through it all I had a great
family that supported me. I was raised to know right from wrong, so
I didn't fall in to the trappings of success, drugs, alcohol, or money,
those kind of things."
	Wishert jokes, "Ricky Martin never sued his parents."
	"Oh, never! I love you mom, and dad!" he yells into the
tape recorder, she had in her hand.
	"You know that's rare today in a teen star,"she said.
	"I know--I think that's sad too. If I had any advise to give
to young people in this business or anyone it's this: Learn from the
mistakes, be it your own or someone elses." said Howie
	"And don't hold on to regrets--regrets won't get you
anywhere." Ricky adds.
	"Where does love fit in your lives?"
	"We're so busy that it's difficult to start anything serious.
But I try not to let that stop me. I even believe in love at first sight."
Howie smiles at Diva who was near by talking on a cell phone. She
cutely smiles and waves back.
	"So what about you two? Do you believe in love at first
sight?" Wishert asks Kevin and Ricky with intrigue.

	"I swear, you can't leave those two alone, they're always up
to something."AJ said to the interviewer David Sullivan The light
brown hair, eyeglass wearing Sullivan, couldn't had been that much
older then him. "Come on guys! We don't have all day!" he hollers
at Nick and Brian. They were running around snapping at each
other with the towels they had used to dry off with. They plot down
in the sand beside AJ with in front Sullivan.
	"So are you two the jokers of the group?" He asks Nick and
Brian.
  	"Yes, they're like two little kids," AJ anwers for them.
	"Well, Nick's forever a kid at heart. I'm just silly at times.
But really, AJ can't talk about anyone being a kid. You should him
see when he's shopping, it's oh my God, Nick tell him..."
	"He'll run around touching and trying everything, makes
them take everything off the walls no matter how high up..." says
Nick.
	"He'll take stuff off the mannequins." Brian adds.
	AJ looks puzzled. "I've never took anything off a
mannequin."
	"Yes, you have. Howie told me." said Brian.
	"When?"
	"I know don't--it's when you got that fuzzy leopard hat."
	"Oh, yeah the hat. I remember now. I had saw it and they
didn't have any where they kept their hats, so I just rip off the one on
the mannequin. That's the way I am, if I see something I that really
want I have to have it. Rather it's just something like clothes or my
career. "
	"You ripped it off? So you didn't pay for it," Nick asked
unseriously while laughing.
	"Of course I paid for it. I do not steal! Hey, David man
quote that."
	"I think we all are ambitious," says Brian ignoring them.
	"You have to be, if you want to get somewhere in this
industry."said AJ.
	"You guys have been together for six years now.  I'm sure
behind the scenes, in your private lives, you've all been through
more than your fans could ever know..." Sullivan asks.
	"Oh, yeah that's for sure." Nick says as his draws figures in
the sand. "People think they know all about you because, they listen
to your songs, and see you in videos on tv all time. Not that--I'm
not saying thats not a true image or whatever of us. It is, we're really
honest to our fan, but it's not the same as real life, you know?"
	"You can only get so close to your fans."
	"I wish we could get closer. It's hard. Sometimes I don't
even know what to say them, out of fear of disappointing their idea
of me. I just want them to be happy, that makes me happy. I don't
think they know how much they give us."
	`They are the ones that saw pass the stuff said about us, and
heard the music. We do this as much for them as we do it for
ourselves." said Brian.
	"Recently last year, the Backtsreet Boys made news outside
the music. You guys had left and sued your long time manager Lou
Pearlman aka the **guy that made you* and his company Trans
Con."
	"I don't understand when people say someone made you."
AJ states. "That you're a puppet. Like you're made out a sock or
something, and they control you. The Backstreet Boys were never
puppets.  We were and still are five friends that love singing.  We
got hooked up with someone who we thought could  **help* us get
started. It was hard work all around for everyone.
	Like you said we've been together for six years. How could
anyone honestly think for the nearly five years we were at Trans
Con, that we just sat back on our asses, doing nothing but staring in
a mirror, fixing our hair and going yes sir? That we agreed to
everything they told us to do? Have you ever talked with Kevin? A
pushover he's not. There's just no way." AJ tells Sullivan. He tries
not to seem jumpy, but it was still a delicate subject among the boys.
	"Honesty I think you were pretty brave to do what you did.
It couldn't have been easy to leave someone you knew from the
beganning. But if they are taking advantage of you and pocketing
under the table..."
	Brian politely interrupts, "Wait, I just want to clear up that
we didn't leave just because of the money. I keep hearing people say
oh, they sued because they wanted more money. It's wasn't that
simple. Of course if your touring nonstop around the world for three
years and  your generating near 10 million dollars, but in the end,
all you have is 300,000 something wrong there. But when your
opinions are being constantly over looked, or your right to have
control over what bares your name and face is violated..." There
were small darts of pain in Brian's voice as he spoke. "I mean what
should you do? Stay there and agrue to the point that you hate each
other?. We were getting older, we wanted to grow. And if leaving to
keep BSB evolving well.....but no, it wasn't easy at all."
	Nick agrees, "What got me the most was that, we were all
like a family in the beginning. Being as young as I was when we
started, I was around them more than my own family.  And when
you trust someone enough to embrace them like that, you don't think
they would use you." Nick said saddly.
	It had been months agos now since the guys switched to
The Firm Mangament. He could never forget their last days with
Lou Pearlman. Everyone was on edge, the only commutions they
seem to have was when they agrued. During the time suit with to
court the guys manage themselves things got chaotic. Everyone
stressed out Nick never told the others but he truely feared that the
group was going to break up.
	 Brian sees Nick's face sadden. It always had pained him
terribly to see Nick unhappy. He puts an arm loosely around his best
friend, who gives him one of his famous half smiles. Nick savors the
touch. There was some different about their friendship, it wasn't like
any other Brian ever had.
	 "No matter what has happen to us we all got thought it,
because we BSB stuck  together. We can **always* count on each
other.  Other than family and the fans, theres no else who could
began to understand us better." says Brian.
	"In other words don't look for the Backstreet Boys to break
up anytime soon." says Sullivan
	 "People will continue to speculate about us breaking up. I
don't think it will happen. There's so much we have yet to
accomplish together," says AJ.
	"I've heard people say that being in a band, is like being in
a marriage. But there's no way we could get divorce, for me without
each other, it`s just loneliness... I mean what would we do?" Nick
questions.
	"Aaaah, I love you guys!" Brian jumps to playfully hug his
bandmates. They tilt over laughing.

	Howie laughes looking over his shoulder, at the guys
rolling in the sand. Kevin and Ricky were to busy trying not to stare
at each other while thinking about that last question. Ricky was the
first to speak.
	"Do I believe in love at first sight?... maybe, anything
possible."
	"More like infatuated at first site. Don't you think that love
is something that has to grow. It's not something that's just
automatically there..." Kevin asks.
	"But infatuation is apart of love. It's not a bad thing to lust
after someone you love or could love. Don't be so quick to separate
the two." Ricky says to Kevin.
	`Have I been doing that?' Kevin asks  himself.
	Rick countines, "I don't think that love can be planned.
It just comes knocking on your door one day. It's up to you to let it
in, that is if you want it."
	They talk five mintures about their (now obvious  non-
existing) rivalry. After a few mostly general answers, the interview
was over.  Howie made his way over to his heart's desire.
	"Miss me?"He hugs Diva.
	"Always. After what happen today, it just made me think. I
know I may seem foreward but, from the moment we met I've had
this feeling. You're just so damn cute and sweet!" she laughed,
holding his hands.
	"I've had that feeling about you too. You're unlike any
woman I've ever met. I would really like to get to know you, Diva."
	"I would like that too, Howie." They sit down in the sand
together talking, and watching the tides ( at a safe distance of
course!) softly roll in.

	Nick sits in Brians car, with the top down listening to his
Eminem CD. Lying on in the driver's seat, Brian's cell phone rings.
Nick answers.

NICK: 	Hello
LA: 	Nick? What are you doing with Brian's phone?
NICK: 	Yeah, it's me. Hi, Leighanne.
LA:	 I need to speak to Brian... like, now.
 	`Well, hi Nick. How are you, today? What me? I'm just
being a pain in ass like usual.'
NICK:	He's in the can. No wait, here he comes.
	Nick holds out the phone for Brian, as he was gets in.
	"Who's is it?" Brian asks.
	Nick just rolls his eyes, there were no words needed. Brian
takes the phone.
BRIAN: 	Hi, Leighanne. Whatsup?
LA:	Hi honey! I've missed you. Hey, guess what,  I have some
wonderful news...I got a call this morning and I the part!
BRIAN:	Really! When do you leave--I mean, so I can kiss you
good-bye.
LA: 	That's what I'm calling you about. You know how minute
last this business can be. Well...I have to be at the airport in 15
minutes, to catch a fight to New York. And I might not get back
until you guys come back from Europe. So...
BRIAN:	But you just got back. Besides theres somethings we need to
deal with you know.
LA:	I know, sweetie! When I get back, we can talk then. I'm
leaving Tyke here so get home soon.
BRIAN:	Make sure he has food and water Oh and that the doggy
door locked, cause he'll run into the streets.
LA:	Okay, okay! God Brian, you worry about him more than
you do me. Well, I gonna go finish packing. I'll call you as soon as I
get there, okay. I love you! Later.
BRIAN:	Uhmm, yeah love you too.
  	"She's leaving now?"asks the hopeful Nick.
	"Yeah, Leighanne got the part...Hey, remember last night I
said needed to talk about something. "
	"And I told you, you can tell me anything. We're done
here, so let's go to my house and have a little one on one--I mean!
I'm talking about basketball of course!" Nick says catching his
Freudian slip. "I'm..go tell Kevin we're...leaving, yeah." `Oh, God
help me!' Nick thinks grabing his head as he walks off.

 	"Ahh...look at those two, it's so sweet," says Ricky. He and
Kevin watched Howie and Diva kiss tenderly.
	"I guess it's safe to say they like each other."
	"The way they are going at it, I'll say it's more than just
liking." He laughed. Nick approaches.
	"Hey, Kev me and Brian are heading out."
	"Rememer Monday night Nick. We leave for Europe
okay?"
	"Yeah, yeah, like you're not gonna call to remind me. It
was nice to have met you Ricky. I don't know how to thank you for
helping saving Howie."
	"You're like my friends now, it's alright."
	"Later guys!" Nick runs and hops in the car with Brian.
They speed off.
	Kevin takes a look around, "Come here." He grabs
Ricky's wrist. He secretly smiles inside when he feels the leather
cuff under his fingers.  He peeks his head inside one of the trailers,
no one's in it. Kevin pulls Ricky inside. "I just wanted to say I'm
sorry about the way I acted eariler, I had no clue that Diva wasn't
your girlfriend."
	"It's okay Kevin, I should have explained. Let's just move
pass it." Ricky takes one of Kevin's hands into his own. Their
fingers intertwine. Kevin studies Ricky's face.
	"Everything about you seems perfect," Kevin whispers.
	"No one's perfect, Kevin." He blushes.
	"You're close...The way you talk... the things you say, it's
so amazing to me. I could listen to speak all day."
	"I could talk with you all day." Ricky whispers back.
 	They gaze into one another eyes. The rhythm of their
heartbeat increases. Ricky brings his free hand up to feel Kevin's
soft lips. Kevin eyes shut for a second as he kisses the warm fingers.
It was an ever so light kiss, but full of passion. With their other hand
still bounded together by their fingers, Ricky draws Kevin's other
one to his face. He slides it across his smooth cheekbones. His
soulful brown eyes holds the light emerald eyes captive. Ricky
brings the Kevin's hand to his lips. Ricky shuts his eyes returning
the light kiss. He gentle folds Kevin's hand as if he wants him to
forever hold his kiss. He places his and the folded hand over Kevin's
heart. Kevin feels his eyes tear, but he somehow holds it in. Ricky
lips graces his. Their minds spin, toughes flow and curve into one
another. It was as pure and gentle as a dream of an first kiss.
	
	"Ricky! Where are you?" Diva calls looking for him. He
had another interview to do to that day, and she didn't want him to
be late. Ricky hears her but continues passionatly kissing Kevin. He
takes his hand away from Kev's still folded one to caress Kevin's
face.
	She got closer, "Enrique Martin Morales!"
	Kevin breaks away. "I think you may be in trouble".He
laughes.
	"Ugh, I swear that woman has ESP." says Ricky as he leans
against the laughing Kevin.
	"Go on ahead, I'll be fine"
	"Mmm you sure are fine." He plants a tender kiss on
Kevin's lips. They pull apart. Phone numbers are exchange, Ricky
disappears.
	 Kevin stands outside looking at the ocean. He thought
about all his moments with Ricky. Especially when they talked about
rather they believed in in love or infatuation, at first sight.
	`Infatuation is apart of love.' Ricky had said.`It's not a bad
thing to lust after someone you love or could love. Don't be so quick
to separate the two.'
	`Have I been doing that?' Kevin asks  himself. `I am
without a doubt infatuated with him....' He looks at the hand that
Ricky had so lovingly kissed.  Kevin folds it and places it on his
heart like Ricky had done. He thinks of Ricky words, `Do I believe
in love at first sight?... maybe, anything possible.'

To be continue....

Karma here,
I guess what? I got myself an editor, goodness knows I needed one!
Starting with chapter 5, Shadowlover, the author of  "One Chance"
(go read it Kevin lovers!) will be editting SMTM.  	 	
The next two or three chapters will be out somewhere in the second
week of August. I think they are gonna be longer than the last.
There will be a return of humor too.
Email me people! I'm starting to think that no one's reading this.
Let me know what you**really*think.

All questions, comments, and suggestions are welcome
bsbkarma@iname.com